Tuesday: my pain was at a 3 in the morning. It had been up to 8 on Monday. I had my ultrasound at 2:30. My paperwork had been faxed over and I forgot I was to drink a bazillion ounces prior to the test. Fortunately she was able to get a clear picture. The last time the girl was very calming and reassuring. This time the gal was a hoot. I laughed my way through the exam if you can imagine that. The funniest part was that my cell phone started ringing just she was about to insert the probe. We both just roared with laughter imagining the kinds of conversation that could take place if I had answered the phone.
(Just a note: It's Friday and I've been pain free for two days. I haven't heard from the doctor either so I'm going to work under the assumption that everything is progressing as it should.)
Wednesday: This morning I actually feel human again. Hopefully this is the beginning of better days to come! If not, a hysterechtomy is looking pretty good right now!
I missed teaching yesterday but I felt good taking care of myself. A good diary buddy suggested the very things I would have told someone else. She was spot on. I'm just not verry good at taking care of myself.
It appears that Ann and Travis are headed for divorce. My heart is aching for them. They just don't seem to be able to figure out how to be together. Ann called last night. They were having a terrible fight. She said that Travis had hit her. She went to Job and Family Services to begin the process of getting assistance and getting out on her own. She's going to stay over there where she has a job and so Travis will still be in the kids' lives. It's just so hard when they ask for advice and help but don't heed any of it. (insert huge helpless feeling sigh)
Beth and Ron, on the other hand, appear to have benefited greatly from their creating some space. It hasn't hurt either that they've discussed what they've seen Ann and Travis going through. So some good is coming out of that after all.
Thursday: I taught class. It felt so good. On the third day of this class I focus on self-defeating behavior, communication, and landing the job (resumes, applications, and interview techniques and skills for the ex-offender). When we were done one of the full time employees of the job store who teaches job readiness/prep skills came and told me that he had overheard the lecture and that I did a good job. That felt good. Sometimes I wonder if I’m on target and his encouragement helped me with that a lot!
Friday: It’s been a busy day. I started out at the factory/packaging program and did a bunch of paperwork. Then I came back to the office to prepare for a meeting our management team was going to have this afternoon to discuss how to rewrite our curriculum. I had some ideas I wanted to get down on paper. Before the meeting we had lunch at a restaurant in a nearby town where we have a jail ministry. I had a wonderful (!!!!) salad. After lunch we went to the town’s brand new library, secured a study room, started creating our curriculum. When we decided on the basic components and direction we agreed that we each need to come up with our design and then we’ll put it all together. I have two weeks to do that. Eek! Part of the urgency in this is that we’re presenting our program to a new county on September 26 in an all day seminar.
This Sunday starts a new quarter in our Sunday School. I was asked to be a part of a team of three to teach our class. I start this Sunday and we’ll rotate through the rest of the quarter. The teacher who just finished ended with a section on how faith isn’t safe. I’m picking up on that this week and using material from Mark Buchanan’s book, “Your God is Too Safe” and tying it in with my piece from a few weeks back, “Autopilot.”
I haven’t completely landed on all the rest of the lessons, but I think I’m doing at least one from Henry Blackaby’s book, “Experiencing God”, one on Life in the Body (drawing on a wonderful story by Bob Benson and Mr. Potato Head), and one on the real meaning of Advent. It should be a very interesting quarter.
Well, I’m done here and need to go work out. Have a great holiday weekend, if you’re in the States, or just a wonderful weekend celebrating the advent of Fall! TTFN “)
Friday, August 31, 2007
Monday, August 27, 2007
Owie
It’s like my left ovary is screaming. I don’t hurt anywhere else. I have called the doctor again. Yesterday I was curled up in the fetal position. I was wondering, given the sharpness of the pain if perhaps it wasn’t my ovary, but maybe a kidney stone trying to pass. Advil isn’t touching the pain.
Dr. R just called and I’m going to get the next available ultrasound appointment.
They called back. There’s a cancellation tomorrow afternoon at 2:30. I have to be in Sandusky tomorrow teaching all day. If I don’t take that one I can’t get in until after 9/13. I am sitting here at my desk in tears.
I have never thought of myself as a wuss, but this pain is second worse I’ve ever know. First being childbirth.
I just called off from Curves tonight. The manager was obviously ticked. I’m really sorry. I was filling in for someone who had to go to her daughter’s pre-school open house. The manager has been taking days off right and left. I’m really sorry to inconvenience them, but I can’t stand up. Even if I went in and faked the closing hour, I couldn’t clean the place and that’s really all she wanted me for.
I just talked to Dan. He’s a good boss. He told me to work out the details with Bob (co-worker) to have him cover class in the afternoon. Hopefully Bob will be as understanding.
I’ve tried relaxation breathing. I’ve tried sitting all curled up. No relief. I almost wish I’d had those pain scripts filled now—but who would have thought that three weeks from the surgery I’d be feeling like this.
I know there are so many in real pain, who have suffered long. I feel like such a baby. It’s just that I’ve been fortunate to not have had to endure pain, not like this.
Bob is going to take the whole day of teaching and we worked out plans for if I don’t feel well Wednesday. Bob and John the admin assistant just prayed for me and now I’m going home..
Dr. R just called and I’m going to get the next available ultrasound appointment.
They called back. There’s a cancellation tomorrow afternoon at 2:30. I have to be in Sandusky tomorrow teaching all day. If I don’t take that one I can’t get in until after 9/13. I am sitting here at my desk in tears.
I have never thought of myself as a wuss, but this pain is second worse I’ve ever know. First being childbirth.
I just called off from Curves tonight. The manager was obviously ticked. I’m really sorry. I was filling in for someone who had to go to her daughter’s pre-school open house. The manager has been taking days off right and left. I’m really sorry to inconvenience them, but I can’t stand up. Even if I went in and faked the closing hour, I couldn’t clean the place and that’s really all she wanted me for.
I just talked to Dan. He’s a good boss. He told me to work out the details with Bob (co-worker) to have him cover class in the afternoon. Hopefully Bob will be as understanding.
I’ve tried relaxation breathing. I’ve tried sitting all curled up. No relief. I almost wish I’d had those pain scripts filled now—but who would have thought that three weeks from the surgery I’d be feeling like this.
I know there are so many in real pain, who have suffered long. I feel like such a baby. It’s just that I’ve been fortunate to not have had to endure pain, not like this.
Bob is going to take the whole day of teaching and we worked out plans for if I don’t feel well Wednesday. Bob and John the admin assistant just prayed for me and now I’m going home..
Friday, August 24, 2007
")
Last night I wanted to write, but it’s hard when you’re doubled over with cramps. Today I’m fine. They seem to be worse in the evening. My family is getting concerned. I’m just tired.
It’s been a rough week. Penelope is in full 3yr mode: cute as a button, ornery as the dickens, stubborn as a mule, smart as a whip, and more opinionated than a sixteen year old! We think it might be better to consider shorter stays. The one nice thing is that she is very well-potty trained. We’ve only had one accident and that was probably my fault for not realizing how late it was when I gave her something to drink before bedtime. Ann and Travis will be here today with Caden for the weekend. “)
Ron moved out this week. I miss having him around, but I know it’s the right thing for their relationship. They needed some space. Hopefully this will help heal things and enable to know if they’re ready to move on in their relationship. It’s just so hard to balance support and opinion.
Nelson may be going to second shift at Rcompany. We’ve had to really talk about how life is going to go if he does. Will I still be able to work at Curves? Hopefully. If Beth can request and secure Tuesday nights off then, it looks like a definite yes. If not, but Beth and Ron stay together, perhaps he’ll be able to work his schedule so he can watch Asher and I’ll be able to work. I had to talk to my boss because I’ll need to be home by 3:30 some days or 4:00 on others. That’s not unreasonable since most days I go in at 6:30. When I go home I’ll have my cell and access to the internet so I can carry on some business. But we’ll just have to wait until Monday to see if the shift will be changed for sure.
Another really neat thing happened for Nelson at work, too. He has worked in home building, remodeling, carpentry, and the like for most of our married life. When he wasn’t doing that he was cooking in a restaurant. So this transition to manufacturing has been different. I thought it would be more challenging for him. He has learned to run at least three different CNC (computer numeric controlled) machines on the fly. Most CNC operators go to school to learn what he has in a short period of time. He’s done well and I’m so very proud of him. Anyway, earlier this week his boss (my old boss who I think the world of) came and told him that he was going to go to Michigan next week with one of the company engineers and the guy responsible for the gages in the plant to learn some new gaging system. They’ll leave on Wednesday morning and return Thursday evening. Did I mention how proud I am of him? “)
Work has been interesting. We had a bomb threat yesterday at the worksite (fortunately I wasn’t there at the time). It was probably called in by a disgruntled employee. We were contacted by two lawyers regarding matters with former employees. Oh, and someone filed an OSHA complaint. It’s never dull with the folks I work with!
I was supposed to lead a workshop for the Huron County Job and Family Services on interview skills. I stopped on my way at the Goodwill to prove a point. While I was there I bought a faux three piece Alfred Dunner suit (pants, and a jacket with a “fake” vest. So many times when I tell people how they should dress for interviews they tell me that they can’t afford it. I bought a name brand, quality, good condition suit for $10. I was excited to include my purchase in my lecture, when I was informed as I arrived that no one had shown for the class. Sigh. I guess I’ll save my notes for another time and just look forward to wearing my new suit! “)
Have a smile filled day! “)
It’s been a rough week. Penelope is in full 3yr mode: cute as a button, ornery as the dickens, stubborn as a mule, smart as a whip, and more opinionated than a sixteen year old! We think it might be better to consider shorter stays. The one nice thing is that she is very well-potty trained. We’ve only had one accident and that was probably my fault for not realizing how late it was when I gave her something to drink before bedtime. Ann and Travis will be here today with Caden for the weekend. “)
Ron moved out this week. I miss having him around, but I know it’s the right thing for their relationship. They needed some space. Hopefully this will help heal things and enable to know if they’re ready to move on in their relationship. It’s just so hard to balance support and opinion.
Nelson may be going to second shift at Rcompany. We’ve had to really talk about how life is going to go if he does. Will I still be able to work at Curves? Hopefully. If Beth can request and secure Tuesday nights off then, it looks like a definite yes. If not, but Beth and Ron stay together, perhaps he’ll be able to work his schedule so he can watch Asher and I’ll be able to work. I had to talk to my boss because I’ll need to be home by 3:30 some days or 4:00 on others. That’s not unreasonable since most days I go in at 6:30. When I go home I’ll have my cell and access to the internet so I can carry on some business. But we’ll just have to wait until Monday to see if the shift will be changed for sure.
Another really neat thing happened for Nelson at work, too. He has worked in home building, remodeling, carpentry, and the like for most of our married life. When he wasn’t doing that he was cooking in a restaurant. So this transition to manufacturing has been different. I thought it would be more challenging for him. He has learned to run at least three different CNC (computer numeric controlled) machines on the fly. Most CNC operators go to school to learn what he has in a short period of time. He’s done well and I’m so very proud of him. Anyway, earlier this week his boss (my old boss who I think the world of) came and told him that he was going to go to Michigan next week with one of the company engineers and the guy responsible for the gages in the plant to learn some new gaging system. They’ll leave on Wednesday morning and return Thursday evening. Did I mention how proud I am of him? “)
Work has been interesting. We had a bomb threat yesterday at the worksite (fortunately I wasn’t there at the time). It was probably called in by a disgruntled employee. We were contacted by two lawyers regarding matters with former employees. Oh, and someone filed an OSHA complaint. It’s never dull with the folks I work with!
I was supposed to lead a workshop for the Huron County Job and Family Services on interview skills. I stopped on my way at the Goodwill to prove a point. While I was there I bought a faux three piece Alfred Dunner suit (pants, and a jacket with a “fake” vest. So many times when I tell people how they should dress for interviews they tell me that they can’t afford it. I bought a name brand, quality, good condition suit for $10. I was excited to include my purchase in my lecture, when I was informed as I arrived that no one had shown for the class. Sigh. I guess I’ll save my notes for another time and just look forward to wearing my new suit! “)
Have a smile filled day! “)
Saturday, August 18, 2007
For Fun
One word. No explanations.
1. Yourself: optimistic
2. Your spouse: blessing
3. Your hair: fine
4. Your mother: fun
5. Your father: gone
6. Your favorite item: computer
7. Your dream last night: unremembered
8. Your favorite drink: icecoffee
9. Your dream car: unpurchasable
10. The room you are in: office
11. Your ex: married
12. Your fear: multiple
13. What you want to be in 10 years: content
14. Who you hung out with last night: grandkids
15. What you're not: disciplined
16. Muffins: mega
17: One of your wish list items: laptop
18: Time: fleeting
19. The last thing you did: played
20. What you are wearing: shorts
21. Your favorite weather: spring
22. Your favorite book: Bible
23. The last thing you ate: pbj
24. Your life: full
25. Your mood: anticipatory
26. Your best friend: troubled
27. What you're thinking about right now: hunger
28. Your car: parked
29. What you are doing at the moment: enjoying
30. Your summer: over
31. Your relationship status: married
32. What is on your TV: cartoons
33. What is the weather like: autumnal
34. When was the last time you laughed: now
1. Yourself: optimistic
2. Your spouse: blessing
3. Your hair: fine
4. Your mother: fun
5. Your father: gone
6. Your favorite item: computer
7. Your dream last night: unremembered
8. Your favorite drink: icecoffee
9. Your dream car: unpurchasable
10. The room you are in: office
11. Your ex: married
12. Your fear: multiple
13. What you want to be in 10 years: content
14. Who you hung out with last night: grandkids
15. What you're not: disciplined
16. Muffins: mega
17: One of your wish list items: laptop
18: Time: fleeting
19. The last thing you did: played
20. What you are wearing: shorts
21. Your favorite weather: spring
22. Your favorite book: Bible
23. The last thing you ate: pbj
24. Your life: full
25. Your mood: anticipatory
26. Your best friend: troubled
27. What you're thinking about right now: hunger
28. Your car: parked
29. What you are doing at the moment: enjoying
30. Your summer: over
31. Your relationship status: married
32. What is on your TV: cartoons
33. What is the weather like: autumnal
34. When was the last time you laughed: now
Finding My Smile
It's Saturday morning. I'm about to head out to Curves. I've been up for little over a half hour. I slept better last night. It's supposed to be cooler today. I get to spend the day with three of my favorite people, doing something I usually enjoy: shopping. I'm anticipating a rise in the smile factor today!
Nelson was able to get some overtime in today. His machine has been down most of the week so he's been filling in wherever all week and that typically doesn't lead to overtime. The break has been somewhat nice, but we don't want to break the bank either!
It's been stressful here for young Beth and Ron. It's definitely a matter for prayer.
We met Annie halfway last night to make the Penelope swap. Caden was saying "Mema." It just tickled my heart. He's getting so many more words. I won't surprised if doesn't come up with a dozen more this week with big sissy not around to hog all the air space. And Miss P can talk and talk and talk. Lately, she just calls to talk--her mommy and daddy are going to find one heck of a minute plan when she gets older! One night we (I mean she) talked to me for over 25 minutes! The next night she called while I was at work and bent Pepa's ear for 31!! And it's all understandable conversation. And she's so animimated and emphatic. What a joy!!!! It's going to be an interesting week, to say the least.
I went to the doctor yesterday. I almost didn't. I thought my appointment was at 3:00. I couldn't find the card, but in my pea brain I was certain. At 10:15 yesterday morning, Beth calls me at work and tells me that they called from the doctor's office and my appointment had been for 9:00! I was sick. This doctor is wonderful and lots of people see her. Rescheduled appointments can be a month off. I called, ready to beg. The receptionist was so nice. They squeezed me in at 1:30. Thankful barely comes close to describing me! She says I look ok. She says sometimes it goes this way. She says she'll see me in another month. I trust her. I will feel better. I will.
There's a new song being chirped outside my window. It's as if God has hand delivered chipper to me this morning. I think I'll accept it and revel in the gift of this day. Hope you can, too.
Nelson was able to get some overtime in today. His machine has been down most of the week so he's been filling in wherever all week and that typically doesn't lead to overtime. The break has been somewhat nice, but we don't want to break the bank either!
It's been stressful here for young Beth and Ron. It's definitely a matter for prayer.
We met Annie halfway last night to make the Penelope swap. Caden was saying "Mema." It just tickled my heart. He's getting so many more words. I won't surprised if doesn't come up with a dozen more this week with big sissy not around to hog all the air space. And Miss P can talk and talk and talk. Lately, she just calls to talk--her mommy and daddy are going to find one heck of a minute plan when she gets older! One night we (I mean she) talked to me for over 25 minutes! The next night she called while I was at work and bent Pepa's ear for 31!! And it's all understandable conversation. And she's so animimated and emphatic. What a joy!!!! It's going to be an interesting week, to say the least.
I went to the doctor yesterday. I almost didn't. I thought my appointment was at 3:00. I couldn't find the card, but in my pea brain I was certain. At 10:15 yesterday morning, Beth calls me at work and tells me that they called from the doctor's office and my appointment had been for 9:00! I was sick. This doctor is wonderful and lots of people see her. Rescheduled appointments can be a month off. I called, ready to beg. The receptionist was so nice. They squeezed me in at 1:30. Thankful barely comes close to describing me! She says I look ok. She says sometimes it goes this way. She says she'll see me in another month. I trust her. I will feel better. I will.
There's a new song being chirped outside my window. It's as if God has hand delivered chipper to me this morning. I think I'll accept it and revel in the gift of this day. Hope you can, too.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Not Chipper
I just read a fav's entry: all her answers were in two word sentences. It's the perfect description of how I feel and why I haven't posted lately.
I feel like crap. I have no energy. I just want to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Sleep, that's where I do my writing. I actually dream about writing posts.
When I had my surgery on the 3rd, I was anticipating pain and bleeding. Pain was so minimal and bleeding was no big deal. Since then I have have had cramps everyday. They're not bad, just there, and I feel bad enough to not feel good. I am so drained and my appetite is out the roof. I don't like this one bit and I want it to be better. Yesterday.
And I'm so irritable I don't like myself--and that doesn't even begin to describe how much other people are getting on my nerves. I like this even less than the pain.
Nothing has happened with the house, except our finances for some reason seem horribly bleak so I can't even imagine putting in a bid. Work has been tedious and frustrating. This is a teaching week for me and I'm not experiencing my usual joy with that. (Insert HUGE tired sigh.)
Highlights: Asher. Just writing his name makes me smile. He's become quite the chatterbox, extremely emphatic with his "words." And I'm quite excited to have Penelope coming for a week to visit! I'll be going to get her tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to Curves. Perhaps I'll be able to shake loose a few dolphins (endorphins) and feel a wee bit better.
TTFN
I feel like crap. I have no energy. I just want to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. Sleep, that's where I do my writing. I actually dream about writing posts.
When I had my surgery on the 3rd, I was anticipating pain and bleeding. Pain was so minimal and bleeding was no big deal. Since then I have have had cramps everyday. They're not bad, just there, and I feel bad enough to not feel good. I am so drained and my appetite is out the roof. I don't like this one bit and I want it to be better. Yesterday.
And I'm so irritable I don't like myself--and that doesn't even begin to describe how much other people are getting on my nerves. I like this even less than the pain.
Nothing has happened with the house, except our finances for some reason seem horribly bleak so I can't even imagine putting in a bid. Work has been tedious and frustrating. This is a teaching week for me and I'm not experiencing my usual joy with that. (Insert HUGE tired sigh.)
Highlights: Asher. Just writing his name makes me smile. He's become quite the chatterbox, extremely emphatic with his "words." And I'm quite excited to have Penelope coming for a week to visit! I'll be going to get her tomorrow.
Well, I'm off to Curves. Perhaps I'll be able to shake loose a few dolphins (endorphins) and feel a wee bit better.
TTFN
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Sigh
I'm in love.
Nelson and I went and looked at a house today.Here it is: http://www.cbward.com/listings/detail.php?lid=19731630&limit=0&offset=75&&&posc=89&post=184&cfq=limit%3D25%26pricemax%3D999999999%26radarea%3D0%26searchtype%3D1%26cidonly%3D1%26SRSearchDate%3D1186252601%26SRRecordCount%3D184%26SRPageCount%3D8%26SRPage%3D4
It is beyond gorgeous. On the first floor there is a living room, formal dining room, butler's pantry, pantry, back porch with laundry, kitchen, another eating area, a parlor, and a half bath. The wood work is phenominal. There are pocket doors all over and the windows and built ins outstanding.
The basement is never ending. It is dry. There are four areas down there.
On the second floor there is a small bedroom, a 3/4 bath (shower only), a master suite (full bath, bedroom with built in book shelves, a sitting room with a fireplace and french doors opening to a balcony over the huge front porch), and two nice bedrooms--all with hardwood floors.
The third floor is finished with two rooms. One was used as a bedroom and has a closet and built in dresser. The other room was a TV room.
There are several flower beds around the house with mature plants and shrubs. The back yard is fenced. There is a three car garage with a second floor the current owners were thinking about turning into an apartment for housing grad students.
From the time the house was built in 1896 until 1997 there were only three owners. It is decorated to period. NONE of the wood work is painted. I could move in today and not do anything to it.
I want it. It means we would have to stay here instead of moving to Arizona. It's the kind of gem you just don't find anymore. Nelson was already talking about how we could go to auctions and fill it. It is what I have always dreamed of.
Darn it all if we didn't just sign a year lease here. We laughed at how Asher could go hide and we might not find him for a few hours. We'd have to get pretty good at "Marco Polo."
We're going to pray about it. God is going to have to make this really clear to us. Nelson said, "What if someone else buys it before we get that clear sign from God?" I told him that would be a really, really clear sign. ")
I would just have to plant some lilacs to make it truly perfect.
Nelson and I went and looked at a house today.Here it is: http://www.cbward.com/listings/detail.php?lid=19731630&limit=0&offset=75&&&posc=89&post=184&cfq=limit%3D25%26pricemax%3D999999999%26radarea%3D0%26searchtype%3D1%26cidonly%3D1%26SRSearchDate%3D1186252601%26SRRecordCount%3D184%26SRPageCount%3D8%26SRPage%3D4
It is beyond gorgeous. On the first floor there is a living room, formal dining room, butler's pantry, pantry, back porch with laundry, kitchen, another eating area, a parlor, and a half bath. The wood work is phenominal. There are pocket doors all over and the windows and built ins outstanding.
The basement is never ending. It is dry. There are four areas down there.
On the second floor there is a small bedroom, a 3/4 bath (shower only), a master suite (full bath, bedroom with built in book shelves, a sitting room with a fireplace and french doors opening to a balcony over the huge front porch), and two nice bedrooms--all with hardwood floors.
The third floor is finished with two rooms. One was used as a bedroom and has a closet and built in dresser. The other room was a TV room.
There are several flower beds around the house with mature plants and shrubs. The back yard is fenced. There is a three car garage with a second floor the current owners were thinking about turning into an apartment for housing grad students.
From the time the house was built in 1896 until 1997 there were only three owners. It is decorated to period. NONE of the wood work is painted. I could move in today and not do anything to it.
I want it. It means we would have to stay here instead of moving to Arizona. It's the kind of gem you just don't find anymore. Nelson was already talking about how we could go to auctions and fill it. It is what I have always dreamed of.
Darn it all if we didn't just sign a year lease here. We laughed at how Asher could go hide and we might not find him for a few hours. We'd have to get pretty good at "Marco Polo."
We're going to pray about it. God is going to have to make this really clear to us. Nelson said, "What if someone else buys it before we get that clear sign from God?" I told him that would be a really, really clear sign. ")
I would just have to plant some lilacs to make it truly perfect.
Friday, August 03, 2007
I'm Home
And I'm fine. I really think I could have gone back to work and with some of the things going on I think I should have. Sigh.
I walked to the hospital this morning. I would have worked out at Curves, but our town is insane. All summer they have been resurfacing the main streets. It has been a mess. Traffic has been horribly knotted up. Yesterday they started on the main drag where Curves is and I honestly just didn't want to mess with the traffic. So instead of waking Beth up to give me a ride, I let her and Asher sleep and walked. It took me about 20 minutes.
I was whisked straight to out-patient surgery as soon as I was checked in. My nurse was a dear. My sticks went in perfect. My anestesiologist (sp?) was quite nice and spoke really fast. I met briefly with the doc. I really like her. I was rolled over to surgery. The gas doc said to breath deep and the next thing I knew I woke up in recovery. I was there about 20 minutes and moved back to my original room where I immediately needed to pee. I was home before 1:00. On a scale of 1-10 my pain is at a .5 and though I was given perscriptions for 800mg Motrin and Vicadin, I just took an Alieve. Beth assured me that if I wanted some spending money I could sell the Vicadin. I laughed and told her no thanks!!!! We both laughed.
I'm not supposed to drive or shower for 24 hours and have to wait 2 weeks for well, you know, until I see my doc. I can go back to Curves on Monday. My original nurse said that my quick wake up was probably due to be in such good shape. That made me feel good!
So, I'm going to rest for today. An iced coffee sure would be nice!
TTFN
I walked to the hospital this morning. I would have worked out at Curves, but our town is insane. All summer they have been resurfacing the main streets. It has been a mess. Traffic has been horribly knotted up. Yesterday they started on the main drag where Curves is and I honestly just didn't want to mess with the traffic. So instead of waking Beth up to give me a ride, I let her and Asher sleep and walked. It took me about 20 minutes.
I was whisked straight to out-patient surgery as soon as I was checked in. My nurse was a dear. My sticks went in perfect. My anestesiologist (sp?) was quite nice and spoke really fast. I met briefly with the doc. I really like her. I was rolled over to surgery. The gas doc said to breath deep and the next thing I knew I woke up in recovery. I was there about 20 minutes and moved back to my original room where I immediately needed to pee. I was home before 1:00. On a scale of 1-10 my pain is at a .5 and though I was given perscriptions for 800mg Motrin and Vicadin, I just took an Alieve. Beth assured me that if I wanted some spending money I could sell the Vicadin. I laughed and told her no thanks!!!! We both laughed.
I'm not supposed to drive or shower for 24 hours and have to wait 2 weeks for well, you know, until I see my doc. I can go back to Curves on Monday. My original nurse said that my quick wake up was probably due to be in such good shape. That made me feel good!
So, I'm going to rest for today. An iced coffee sure would be nice!
TTFN
Friday, July 27, 2007
Finally Friday
I didn't think it was ever going to get here...but it did. Today at 3:15 I met with the doctor to discuss the results of the biopsy I had done last week.
The very best news is that it was not cancer. Hugest of sigh of relief!!!!!
Next Friday morning I am having a endometrial ablation. This is to "fix" the problem of heavy bleeding and irregular cycles. According to the doctor, 50% of all women who have this procedure never have another period. I made her repeat that. Wow! 45% experience only light periods. And the remaining 5% observe no positive results from the procedure and have to have a hysterectomy. I want to be in the 50% group!
I'm just very relieved tonight. So is Nelson. I think I'll sleep well tonight.
I hope I do because tomorrow I work at Curves in the morning and then I'm driving to Annie's (about 2 1/2 hours). I'll spend the afternoon and evening spoiling my two other grandsweeties. I wish you could hear Pnel talk---she's the maturist sounding 3 1/2 yr old around! I have to show up with ice cream and a Pony (as in My Little Pony).
On Sunday then, I'm going to drive over to Ft. Wayne to visit with my friend who just graduated from seminary and took her first church. I'm taking some music along for church...and maybe my guitar. We'll have lunch and catch up before I'll head back home.
It'll be a full weekend, but I think my spirit will be blessed and I'm sure to bring home lots and lots of smiles!!!!
Hope there's some smiles in your weekend, too!
The very best news is that it was not cancer. Hugest of sigh of relief!!!!!
Next Friday morning I am having a endometrial ablation. This is to "fix" the problem of heavy bleeding and irregular cycles. According to the doctor, 50% of all women who have this procedure never have another period. I made her repeat that. Wow! 45% experience only light periods. And the remaining 5% observe no positive results from the procedure and have to have a hysterectomy. I want to be in the 50% group!
I'm just very relieved tonight. So is Nelson. I think I'll sleep well tonight.
I hope I do because tomorrow I work at Curves in the morning and then I'm driving to Annie's (about 2 1/2 hours). I'll spend the afternoon and evening spoiling my two other grandsweeties. I wish you could hear Pnel talk---she's the maturist sounding 3 1/2 yr old around! I have to show up with ice cream and a Pony (as in My Little Pony).
On Sunday then, I'm going to drive over to Ft. Wayne to visit with my friend who just graduated from seminary and took her first church. I'm taking some music along for church...and maybe my guitar. We'll have lunch and catch up before I'll head back home.
It'll be a full weekend, but I think my spirit will be blessed and I'm sure to bring home lots and lots of smiles!!!!
Hope there's some smiles in your weekend, too!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Feet Up
I'm really enjoying my weekends. Sundays especially. It's so good to relax.
There has been a lot of stress at work lately. I think it's going to get better.
Health issues have arisen. I had the ultrasound on 7/10 and the in-office biopsy on 7/17. I will get the results on 7/27. My uterine wall is twice as thick as it should be. Could be nothing. Or...Have I ever mentioned how I loathe waiting?
I had a flat tire on the way to work last Monday AM. On my way to open the Curves club at 5:10AM. Luckily Nelson was able to hear the phone ring. He got me to work and the car to the tire place and I was only about 10minutes late.
Saturday was pleasant. I worked out early. Nelson took Asher to a family reunion where he met up with his parents and with Annie and the kids. Beth and I shopped and had lunch together. I also visited the book sale at the library. I came away with a couple of bags of books for next to nothing. I love that! I got a couple Robert Fulghum books. I really enjoy his stuff. Thought provoking humor. I got a few novels, a huge light cookbook (for Nelson), a book on menopause and women's health, and two Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus books (recommended for Beth and Ron by my mom :).....)
Today Nelson and I brought snacks for Sunday School. We cut up fruit and made my sister's yummy fruit dip (equal parts of cream cheese and marshmallow whip seasoned with cinnamon). You would have thought we brought pure gold. Everyone loved them. And of course there was way to much so we'll be enjoying some for a few days. Then Nelson and I sang in church. I love singing with my husband. We picked a couple short songs that we used to do when we were providing music for revivals back in the early 80's. It was fun and very well received.
So, Sundays are just good days for games on the Palm, reading, generally vegging on the front porch wicker. Right now Beth, Ron, and Nelson are watching a couple suspense movies. I'll pass.
I'll save my TV time for Next Food Network Star later.
I think there's an iced coffee calling my name, so please excuse me while I hunt it down and put my feet up again.
May there be moments of pure refreshing in your day today!
There has been a lot of stress at work lately. I think it's going to get better.
Health issues have arisen. I had the ultrasound on 7/10 and the in-office biopsy on 7/17. I will get the results on 7/27. My uterine wall is twice as thick as it should be. Could be nothing. Or...Have I ever mentioned how I loathe waiting?
I had a flat tire on the way to work last Monday AM. On my way to open the Curves club at 5:10AM. Luckily Nelson was able to hear the phone ring. He got me to work and the car to the tire place and I was only about 10minutes late.
Saturday was pleasant. I worked out early. Nelson took Asher to a family reunion where he met up with his parents and with Annie and the kids. Beth and I shopped and had lunch together. I also visited the book sale at the library. I came away with a couple of bags of books for next to nothing. I love that! I got a couple Robert Fulghum books. I really enjoy his stuff. Thought provoking humor. I got a few novels, a huge light cookbook (for Nelson), a book on menopause and women's health, and two Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus books (recommended for Beth and Ron by my mom :).....)
Today Nelson and I brought snacks for Sunday School. We cut up fruit and made my sister's yummy fruit dip (equal parts of cream cheese and marshmallow whip seasoned with cinnamon). You would have thought we brought pure gold. Everyone loved them. And of course there was way to much so we'll be enjoying some for a few days. Then Nelson and I sang in church. I love singing with my husband. We picked a couple short songs that we used to do when we were providing music for revivals back in the early 80's. It was fun and very well received.
So, Sundays are just good days for games on the Palm, reading, generally vegging on the front porch wicker. Right now Beth, Ron, and Nelson are watching a couple suspense movies. I'll pass.
I'll save my TV time for Next Food Network Star later.
I think there's an iced coffee calling my name, so please excuse me while I hunt it down and put my feet up again.
May there be moments of pure refreshing in your day today!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Terrible News
I got a call from a concerned former co-worker. This person was terribly concerned for me.
This person started by asking if I was ok. Their concern began to concern me.
Turns out that Nelson and I are getting a divorce. We had a fight. He left without saying anything in the middle of the night. And now we're getting a divorce.
This was very shocking and surprising to me.
I called Nelson to check on how we are. Turns out: it was news to him too. Can you believe it? We're getting a divorce and no one told us. I didn't think it worked that way, but I guess when someone decides to meddle and spread rumors because their life is so dull that's what happens.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. I just wish there was a way to choose who can read blog postings. I enjoy the whole process of meeting new people through this medium, but I'm really tired of the way one person and their vindictive meddling can take something that has been so positive and turn it into something so distasteful and negative.
This person started by asking if I was ok. Their concern began to concern me.
Turns out that Nelson and I are getting a divorce. We had a fight. He left without saying anything in the middle of the night. And now we're getting a divorce.
This was very shocking and surprising to me.
I called Nelson to check on how we are. Turns out: it was news to him too. Can you believe it? We're getting a divorce and no one told us. I didn't think it worked that way, but I guess when someone decides to meddle and spread rumors because their life is so dull that's what happens.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. I just wish there was a way to choose who can read blog postings. I enjoy the whole process of meeting new people through this medium, but I'm really tired of the way one person and their vindictive meddling can take something that has been so positive and turn it into something so distasteful and negative.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Auto Pilot
Have you ever headed out the door and flipped the auto pilot switch on inadvertently, only to find yourself not where you need to be? I take this one path each time I go to Curves to workout or work. This morning I was also taking it to go to the factory to lead devotions. Fortunately, I “woke” up before I went beyond my intended destination.
This started me thinking about moving about life on auto pilot. I imagine we all do it. We get lulled into patterns of familiar behavior that we slip into when we’re not paying attention. We also revert back into those patterns when things get difficult, confusing, or painful.
I work within the portion of the population that has committed some kind of crime. Life has become very difficult for them. Most of them are trying to get their lives turned around, but when things get tough it’s just easier, or at least more natural, for them to revert to familiar behavior. The technical term is recidivism.
So there I was just about to miss my turn and God got me to thinking about returning to the familiar. And I was immediately reminded of Peter and the gang. Most of them were fishing when Jesus called them. It’s what they knew and they were pretty good at it. But Jesus invited them to a new way of life, of thinking; new patterns of behavior: following him.
What is amazing to me was the willingness that the disciples demonstrated in leaving behind their “familiar” to follow Jesus. Their patterns were deeply entrenched in their psyches. Their families had been fishermen for generations. This wasn’t a fad. This was in the fabric of their being. But they walked away from it and followed after Jesus.
Peter and the other fishermen really dove into what Jesus called them to. They gave their lives for this. They believed in the message. They got charged by the miracles. They really liked it when he “gave it” to the Pharisees and Romans. I think that’s why when Jesus was crucified they crashed emotionally. I believe they felt betrayed. Imagine how foolish they felt. They would have had to, look at what they gave up to follow Jesus!
So it’s not too surprising to me that they were found in the fishing boats by Jesus that morning after the resurrection. It was natural for them to return to what was familiar. They had been good at fishing and when the Jesus thing didn’t seem to be turning out the way they had hoped---well, pass the net.
It makes me smile to picture their faces as they were coming to shore and they spied someone there tending a fire. It sure looked like Jesus, but come on, there was no way! But the closer they got, the more impossible it was to doubt it. It was Jesus and breakfast was served.
The scriptures record a conversation between Jesus and Peter that I believe the other disciples “overheard.” They didn’t want to look like they were listening because it really sounded like Peter was being scolded and no one else wanted to line up for that. But they still listened.
Scholars and layman alike have taken a stab at why Jesus grilled Peter the way he did that morning. Here’s my take on it. Jesus understood why Peter went back to fishing, but he needed to move Peter beyond the grip of the familiar if he was ever going to live out the life Jesus was offering to him. So asks Peter a question—three times.
I imagine the first time the question was posed Peter answered it, almost robotically, automatically. Of course he loved Jesus. Then Jesus pointed him the direction of the unfamiliar. Again, Jesus asks, and possibly confused, Peter responds the same. Then move away from what is familiar and trust me with what you do not understand. Simple enough. But Jesus must sense that Peter’s hand is still way too close to that auto-pilot button and he asks Peter again. In order to answer this time Peter must throw up his hands in frustration—and then he gets it.
Jesus’ quasi-cryptic questioning finally achieves the desired result. Peter’s defenses have finally been broken through. He understands and never looks back. You wonder why Peter could stand so boldly on Pentecost. Ever question Peter’s ability to sing while he was in jail? That morning there on the beach Jesus finally was able to move Peter from his bent toward the familiar into the fullness of serving Him.
Now, that’s not to say Peter always got it. There was that dream sequence at Cornelius’ house where Jesus had to break through those old theories on what was clean and unclean. And that run in with Paul later in Jerusalem. Still, Peter was much more able to move past those things into the place where God was going to lead him, even to the humiliating death he endured.
So I guess the question that begs to be asked is how are you doing facing the uncertain challenges in your faith journey? How close is your hand to flipping that auto-pilot button? You’re being invited to something more. Will you leave the nets, or whatever your “familiar” is and feed His sheep, or whatever He is calling you to do? It might be messy, but it’s so incredibly worth it! Paul caught on to the process and in his letter to the Romans: “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"(Romans 8:15, The Message).
It’s time to move forward from the familiar and ask God what is next. It’s a little scary, but oh what an adventure!
This started me thinking about moving about life on auto pilot. I imagine we all do it. We get lulled into patterns of familiar behavior that we slip into when we’re not paying attention. We also revert back into those patterns when things get difficult, confusing, or painful.
I work within the portion of the population that has committed some kind of crime. Life has become very difficult for them. Most of them are trying to get their lives turned around, but when things get tough it’s just easier, or at least more natural, for them to revert to familiar behavior. The technical term is recidivism.
So there I was just about to miss my turn and God got me to thinking about returning to the familiar. And I was immediately reminded of Peter and the gang. Most of them were fishing when Jesus called them. It’s what they knew and they were pretty good at it. But Jesus invited them to a new way of life, of thinking; new patterns of behavior: following him.
What is amazing to me was the willingness that the disciples demonstrated in leaving behind their “familiar” to follow Jesus. Their patterns were deeply entrenched in their psyches. Their families had been fishermen for generations. This wasn’t a fad. This was in the fabric of their being. But they walked away from it and followed after Jesus.
Peter and the other fishermen really dove into what Jesus called them to. They gave their lives for this. They believed in the message. They got charged by the miracles. They really liked it when he “gave it” to the Pharisees and Romans. I think that’s why when Jesus was crucified they crashed emotionally. I believe they felt betrayed. Imagine how foolish they felt. They would have had to, look at what they gave up to follow Jesus!
So it’s not too surprising to me that they were found in the fishing boats by Jesus that morning after the resurrection. It was natural for them to return to what was familiar. They had been good at fishing and when the Jesus thing didn’t seem to be turning out the way they had hoped---well, pass the net.
It makes me smile to picture their faces as they were coming to shore and they spied someone there tending a fire. It sure looked like Jesus, but come on, there was no way! But the closer they got, the more impossible it was to doubt it. It was Jesus and breakfast was served.
The scriptures record a conversation between Jesus and Peter that I believe the other disciples “overheard.” They didn’t want to look like they were listening because it really sounded like Peter was being scolded and no one else wanted to line up for that. But they still listened.
Scholars and layman alike have taken a stab at why Jesus grilled Peter the way he did that morning. Here’s my take on it. Jesus understood why Peter went back to fishing, but he needed to move Peter beyond the grip of the familiar if he was ever going to live out the life Jesus was offering to him. So asks Peter a question—three times.
I imagine the first time the question was posed Peter answered it, almost robotically, automatically. Of course he loved Jesus. Then Jesus pointed him the direction of the unfamiliar. Again, Jesus asks, and possibly confused, Peter responds the same. Then move away from what is familiar and trust me with what you do not understand. Simple enough. But Jesus must sense that Peter’s hand is still way too close to that auto-pilot button and he asks Peter again. In order to answer this time Peter must throw up his hands in frustration—and then he gets it.
Jesus’ quasi-cryptic questioning finally achieves the desired result. Peter’s defenses have finally been broken through. He understands and never looks back. You wonder why Peter could stand so boldly on Pentecost. Ever question Peter’s ability to sing while he was in jail? That morning there on the beach Jesus finally was able to move Peter from his bent toward the familiar into the fullness of serving Him.
Now, that’s not to say Peter always got it. There was that dream sequence at Cornelius’ house where Jesus had to break through those old theories on what was clean and unclean. And that run in with Paul later in Jerusalem. Still, Peter was much more able to move past those things into the place where God was going to lead him, even to the humiliating death he endured.
So I guess the question that begs to be asked is how are you doing facing the uncertain challenges in your faith journey? How close is your hand to flipping that auto-pilot button? You’re being invited to something more. Will you leave the nets, or whatever your “familiar” is and feed His sheep, or whatever He is calling you to do? It might be messy, but it’s so incredibly worth it! Paul caught on to the process and in his letter to the Romans: “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"(Romans 8:15, The Message).
It’s time to move forward from the familiar and ask God what is next. It’s a little scary, but oh what an adventure!
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Simple Thoughts
Have I ever mentioned I am low maintenance? I am.
I don't color my hair anymore.
I don't use multiple hair products to style my hair.
It takes me two minutes to dry and style my hair.
I don't wear any makeup. None. I'm thinking (due to lots of reading) that I should probably consider a light foundation with some level of SPF just to protect my skin.
I don't even own makeup. None.
I have never gotten my nails done. The only nail product I own is a bottle of Sally Hanson tough nails because my have a tendency to crack way down on the sides and to file or trim them there would be excessively painful.
I have less than 10 pairs of earrings.
I have about 8 necklaces.
I have more rings, 12 if I counted right.
I buy most of my clothes at Good Will. Last Sunday I wore a new outfit: a skirt and shortsleeve jacket. It's a light corally pink gingham seersucker--I love it! One of the more well to do ladies in our class leaned over and told me she loved it, it was so cute, where did I get it? She just didn't know what to do with my answer. (giggles)
I just decided that my hub has it pretty easy.
What are my indulgences?
I love flavored coffee. I want some now.
I am a bookaholic, but I have gotten much better about that. I ask for gift cards for birthday and Christmas so other people feed my habit!
I like good smelling shower lotions/cleansers. Right now my fav is by Dove. It's a creamy pro-age product. Yum.
Good food. Fresh fruits and veggies. Eating healthy and yummy--it's a passion!
Yup...I'm a low maintenance girl!
********************************************************************************
This weekend is our town's Balloon Festival. Nelson, Beth, Ron, Asher and I went last night to see the lift off and balloon glow. It was quite beautiful. We all arrived differently. Nelson drove because his ankle is extremely sore right now. Beth and Ron rode bikes. Asher was pushed in his stroller--by me. I walked.
As we sat there oohin and ahhing, we decided that this is what we would do for Nelson's 50th birthday next year. He has always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. He loaths (capitalized and said most emphatically) birthday parties. So we're going to pool our resources (the girls and I) and get him a sunrise flight for his birthday. I'm quite excited about that! And I have to wait till next May! (more giggles)
This morning while I caught up on my internet time, I could hear the balloons floating overhead, their hot air bursts breaking the quiet morning around me. It was such a powerful but peaceful sound. For a brief moment I thought I might even consider taking flight with my hub. But a quick search of the internet woke me up to the reality of cost and my very real fear of heights--which is really a fear of falling, which is really a fear of the pain of landing....(shakes head at silliness of self). Perhaps I'll just hold the champaign for when he lands!
Time to get ready to go shopping. Beth, Asher and I are going to hunt down some garage sale goodies!
I don't color my hair anymore.
I don't use multiple hair products to style my hair.
It takes me two minutes to dry and style my hair.
I don't wear any makeup. None. I'm thinking (due to lots of reading) that I should probably consider a light foundation with some level of SPF just to protect my skin.
I don't even own makeup. None.
I have never gotten my nails done. The only nail product I own is a bottle of Sally Hanson tough nails because my have a tendency to crack way down on the sides and to file or trim them there would be excessively painful.
I have less than 10 pairs of earrings.
I have about 8 necklaces.
I have more rings, 12 if I counted right.
I buy most of my clothes at Good Will. Last Sunday I wore a new outfit: a skirt and shortsleeve jacket. It's a light corally pink gingham seersucker--I love it! One of the more well to do ladies in our class leaned over and told me she loved it, it was so cute, where did I get it? She just didn't know what to do with my answer. (giggles)
I just decided that my hub has it pretty easy.
What are my indulgences?
I love flavored coffee. I want some now.
I am a bookaholic, but I have gotten much better about that. I ask for gift cards for birthday and Christmas so other people feed my habit!
I like good smelling shower lotions/cleansers. Right now my fav is by Dove. It's a creamy pro-age product. Yum.
Good food. Fresh fruits and veggies. Eating healthy and yummy--it's a passion!
Yup...I'm a low maintenance girl!
********************************************************************************
This weekend is our town's Balloon Festival. Nelson, Beth, Ron, Asher and I went last night to see the lift off and balloon glow. It was quite beautiful. We all arrived differently. Nelson drove because his ankle is extremely sore right now. Beth and Ron rode bikes. Asher was pushed in his stroller--by me. I walked.
As we sat there oohin and ahhing, we decided that this is what we would do for Nelson's 50th birthday next year. He has always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. He loaths (capitalized and said most emphatically) birthday parties. So we're going to pool our resources (the girls and I) and get him a sunrise flight for his birthday. I'm quite excited about that! And I have to wait till next May! (more giggles)
This morning while I caught up on my internet time, I could hear the balloons floating overhead, their hot air bursts breaking the quiet morning around me. It was such a powerful but peaceful sound. For a brief moment I thought I might even consider taking flight with my hub. But a quick search of the internet woke me up to the reality of cost and my very real fear of heights--which is really a fear of falling, which is really a fear of the pain of landing....(shakes head at silliness of self). Perhaps I'll just hold the champaign for when he lands!
Time to get ready to go shopping. Beth, Asher and I are going to hunt down some garage sale goodies!
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
De-stressing
Purely lazy day.
And I've loved every minute of it.
I did not use my time wisely.
I revelled in doing absolutely nothing of consequence.
I am a sloth!
I read a couple different articles over the past week that link weight gain with stress--no duh. I gain weight when I get stressed because I am a stress eater. Tell me something new. Well, believe it or not: they did!
When a person is stressed a hormone is produced that essentially does two things. First, it increases your hunger: no wonder I'm a stress eater!!! This hormone overload also causes the belly fat to kick in to overdrive.
So today I thought a lot about kicking stress out of my life.
Actually, I contemplated ways to de-stress my distress. Here's what I mean. I believe that we are wired to take a certain amount of stress. Stress, not distress, becomes a motivator to grow, change, and improve. The problems come when we don't handle our stress in healthy ways and it shifts over into the realm of distress: stress overload that paralyzes us and causes us to react instead of acting in responsible and appropriate ways. When we get stuck in distress we make poor choices and poor choices lead to increased distress. It becomes a totally self-defeating process. In my classes I then teach ways to de-stress your distress.
In my slothful state today then, I began to examine my own life to see what distress I have allowed to crowd into my life. One of the major areas of over-stress is my working two jobs. I have been taking on more and more hours at the Curves job and at times have allowed myself to be taken advantage of by the manager when she needed someone to fill in. I will own that it has felt nice at times to be called and to be considered capable of closing the club by myself. I think my ego is over that now. I like the pocket money and the fact that I don't have to pay for my membership, but since I've started working I haven't lost any weight or inches and I'm wondering if it's due to the extra stress I've been experiencing? Perhaps it's time to quit. (insert huge sad sigh) Or, perhaps I just need to get better at establishing boundaries and limits. I'm not going to be any less a valuable employee if I learn to say no. In fact, I may be able to be an employee a lot longer if I do.
I like the way this feels. Hope I still feel that way when I talk to the manager about it.
And I've loved every minute of it.
I did not use my time wisely.
I revelled in doing absolutely nothing of consequence.
I am a sloth!
I read a couple different articles over the past week that link weight gain with stress--no duh. I gain weight when I get stressed because I am a stress eater. Tell me something new. Well, believe it or not: they did!
When a person is stressed a hormone is produced that essentially does two things. First, it increases your hunger: no wonder I'm a stress eater!!! This hormone overload also causes the belly fat to kick in to overdrive.
So today I thought a lot about kicking stress out of my life.
Actually, I contemplated ways to de-stress my distress. Here's what I mean. I believe that we are wired to take a certain amount of stress. Stress, not distress, becomes a motivator to grow, change, and improve. The problems come when we don't handle our stress in healthy ways and it shifts over into the realm of distress: stress overload that paralyzes us and causes us to react instead of acting in responsible and appropriate ways. When we get stuck in distress we make poor choices and poor choices lead to increased distress. It becomes a totally self-defeating process. In my classes I then teach ways to de-stress your distress.
In my slothful state today then, I began to examine my own life to see what distress I have allowed to crowd into my life. One of the major areas of over-stress is my working two jobs. I have been taking on more and more hours at the Curves job and at times have allowed myself to be taken advantage of by the manager when she needed someone to fill in. I will own that it has felt nice at times to be called and to be considered capable of closing the club by myself. I think my ego is over that now. I like the pocket money and the fact that I don't have to pay for my membership, but since I've started working I haven't lost any weight or inches and I'm wondering if it's due to the extra stress I've been experiencing? Perhaps it's time to quit. (insert huge sad sigh) Or, perhaps I just need to get better at establishing boundaries and limits. I'm not going to be any less a valuable employee if I learn to say no. In fact, I may be able to be an employee a lot longer if I do.
I like the way this feels. Hope I still feel that way when I talk to the manager about it.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Interesting
I needed to sit with your responses for a while.
They aren’t what I expected.
When I said something about “permission to fall apart” my mind was referring back to the “permissions” of the previous post: permission to be colorful and permission to relax. What I was thinking about was about how I was falling apart physically and how it seemed to happen with the monumental turning of 50. But a deeper intent seems to have risen to the surface and cry out to be heard. And so I’m listening.
There has not been much permission in my life to “fall apart” emotionally. Emotions, pretty much, were denied by the individual and ignored by others. Thinking about that, I’m pretty sure that my sister’s “headaches” while real were a somatic cry to be heard. I replaced feeling with busy. So did you catch the irony? I finally feel like I have permission to relax and now I loose my emotion muffler (busy-ness). I’m so out of tune with my emotions that I write what I think is something about my physical being and you all hear my emotional cry regarding my need to fall apart emotionally.
Thanks for catching that. That’s the beauty of this process. That’s one of the main reasons I treasure it so very much…treasure you.
I want you to know that I really took in your messages. The initial shook of what the doctor explained to me has worn off. I’m thinking more clearly. It’s amazing how quickly I latched on to the worst case scenario. I guess the possibility has to be considered, but I am choosing not to dwell there. Most everything that she ordered, test-wise, is standard rule out stuff. We will get through this!
I’m glad the appointment was on Tuesday and not today. This morning Nelson left with a group to go on a mission trip with people from our church. They are headed to Chicago to work at an inner city mission. Nelson hasn’t been on a mission trip since 2000 when he went to Belize. I’m going to miss his cooking all weekend, but I’m so happy he got to go! And I’m happy he was here Tuesday to heap on his wonderful reassurance. Trust me, I know how blessed I am to have that man in my life!
Well, work is screaming. TTFN
They aren’t what I expected.
When I said something about “permission to fall apart” my mind was referring back to the “permissions” of the previous post: permission to be colorful and permission to relax. What I was thinking about was about how I was falling apart physically and how it seemed to happen with the monumental turning of 50. But a deeper intent seems to have risen to the surface and cry out to be heard. And so I’m listening.
There has not been much permission in my life to “fall apart” emotionally. Emotions, pretty much, were denied by the individual and ignored by others. Thinking about that, I’m pretty sure that my sister’s “headaches” while real were a somatic cry to be heard. I replaced feeling with busy. So did you catch the irony? I finally feel like I have permission to relax and now I loose my emotion muffler (busy-ness). I’m so out of tune with my emotions that I write what I think is something about my physical being and you all hear my emotional cry regarding my need to fall apart emotionally.
Thanks for catching that. That’s the beauty of this process. That’s one of the main reasons I treasure it so very much…treasure you.
I want you to know that I really took in your messages. The initial shook of what the doctor explained to me has worn off. I’m thinking more clearly. It’s amazing how quickly I latched on to the worst case scenario. I guess the possibility has to be considered, but I am choosing not to dwell there. Most everything that she ordered, test-wise, is standard rule out stuff. We will get through this!
I’m glad the appointment was on Tuesday and not today. This morning Nelson left with a group to go on a mission trip with people from our church. They are headed to Chicago to work at an inner city mission. Nelson hasn’t been on a mission trip since 2000 when he went to Belize. I’m going to miss his cooking all weekend, but I’m so happy he got to go! And I’m happy he was here Tuesday to heap on his wonderful reassurance. Trust me, I know how blessed I am to have that man in my life!
Well, work is screaming. TTFN
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Permission
Permission to fall apart.
I just got back from the OB/GYN. Hadn’t had an annual check up since fall of 2003. Now I have a mammogram, bone density, blood work, and ultrasound scheduled. One week after the ultrasound I return to the office for a biopsy of sorts.
I stopped at the scheduling desk on my way out and got it all put on the calendar. It’s all rule out sort of stuff. Nothing is radically wrong…well except for this pesky spotting between periods which could very minor or the big C.
After I left the office I went straight out to Nelson’s work. Fortunately, he could take a couple minutes to reassure me. Oddly, though I’m a little concerned about the testing and possible results, the thing I’m most concerned about is the cost. He has insurance coverage, but things still cost. I needed his reassurance that I’m worth the cost.
I’m sure that sounds crazy, but a peek into my childhood explains the fear. When I was little I had four corrective eye surgeries. I overheard my parents discussing and “complaining” about the expense. They had to drag, I mean take, me over to Toledo almost every Saturday and that was more expense and a “waste” of time. My child ears, mind, and heart heard that I wasn’t worth it. I was a burden. Not a good message for a child to get.
I was just talking with Dan about it. I grew up battling the “worth” monster. At the agency I worked at BC I went three years without asking for even a cost of living raise. I told Dan not to get any ideas, I have healed a bit on that one! But worth is an issue and struggle for me.
Nelson smiled his cute reassuring smile and told me we would make it work and asked how I was. I’ll be ok. I just dealt better with permission to be colorful and relaxed than I am with permission to fall apart.
I just got back from the OB/GYN. Hadn’t had an annual check up since fall of 2003. Now I have a mammogram, bone density, blood work, and ultrasound scheduled. One week after the ultrasound I return to the office for a biopsy of sorts.
I stopped at the scheduling desk on my way out and got it all put on the calendar. It’s all rule out sort of stuff. Nothing is radically wrong…well except for this pesky spotting between periods which could very minor or the big C.
After I left the office I went straight out to Nelson’s work. Fortunately, he could take a couple minutes to reassure me. Oddly, though I’m a little concerned about the testing and possible results, the thing I’m most concerned about is the cost. He has insurance coverage, but things still cost. I needed his reassurance that I’m worth the cost.
I’m sure that sounds crazy, but a peek into my childhood explains the fear. When I was little I had four corrective eye surgeries. I overheard my parents discussing and “complaining” about the expense. They had to drag, I mean take, me over to Toledo almost every Saturday and that was more expense and a “waste” of time. My child ears, mind, and heart heard that I wasn’t worth it. I was a burden. Not a good message for a child to get.
I was just talking with Dan about it. I grew up battling the “worth” monster. At the agency I worked at BC I went three years without asking for even a cost of living raise. I told Dan not to get any ideas, I have healed a bit on that one! But worth is an issue and struggle for me.
Nelson smiled his cute reassuring smile and told me we would make it work and asked how I was. I’ll be ok. I just dealt better with permission to be colorful and relaxed than I am with permission to fall apart.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Lovin' It
I have so many things I want to write about.
This past weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Cleveland, Ohio. It was a powerful experience for me at a lot of different levels. I was tired and crampy (yeehaw), but I enjoy the fellowship of the group of women I was with that I sucked it up and soaked it in. I really enjoy the speakers of WOF, too. It was very interesting that on Friday night that several of the speaker and presenters made this statement: God has you in that seat for a purpose.
Right before the fun began in the arena I was chatting away with the woman sitting next to me. All of a sudden, she looked over my shoulder and greeted a woman from church who had come separately. It happened to be the woman who had led our group a year ago at church who we had the unfortunate non-fellowship experience. It’s kind of funny, I was going to put a link back to where I wrote about it originally and I couldn’t find it. I’m glad for that. Subsequent to the time, it’s safe to describe our interchanges as strained. Then right before vacation Dan asked me what had happened between me and her. He could only know there was something if she had been asking him about me. To say that I was uneasy and concerned is an understatement. So I look up and see this woman and God’s messengers tell me He put us side by side. God has an interesting sense of humor. More interesting to me was the fact that even though I had attempted some pleasantries, on Saturday morning she exchanged seats and moved out of the seat God had assigned. I’m still processing that one.
I’m noticing something quite nice. Now don’t laugh, not even a giggle! I am enjoying being 50. It reminds me a little of being in Arizona. Down there with the strong Hispanic influence there just seems to be blanket permission to be colorful. I love it! Being 50 is like having permission to slow down, permission to savor, permission to enjoy. That probably sounds weird to many of you, but I have been so incredibly driven all my adult life that this is radically different for me. And I like it!
And fiction. I know I’ve mentioned that I’ve been reading novels lately. I thought maybe it would end when I got back from Mom’s but I spent the most delightful couple of hours last evening sitting on my front porch (on the new pseudo-wicker furniture Nelson bought me—tan/natural with burgundy flowered cushions; settee, 2 chairs and a table) reading. I only came in because it got too dark to read. I actually found myself considering bringing out a candle.
I guess I’m just feeling relaxed and dare I say content. Never thought I’d get here, but I think I’ll book a room coz it’s really quite nice!
This past weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Cleveland, Ohio. It was a powerful experience for me at a lot of different levels. I was tired and crampy (yeehaw), but I enjoy the fellowship of the group of women I was with that I sucked it up and soaked it in. I really enjoy the speakers of WOF, too. It was very interesting that on Friday night that several of the speaker and presenters made this statement: God has you in that seat for a purpose.
Right before the fun began in the arena I was chatting away with the woman sitting next to me. All of a sudden, she looked over my shoulder and greeted a woman from church who had come separately. It happened to be the woman who had led our group a year ago at church who we had the unfortunate non-fellowship experience. It’s kind of funny, I was going to put a link back to where I wrote about it originally and I couldn’t find it. I’m glad for that. Subsequent to the time, it’s safe to describe our interchanges as strained. Then right before vacation Dan asked me what had happened between me and her. He could only know there was something if she had been asking him about me. To say that I was uneasy and concerned is an understatement. So I look up and see this woman and God’s messengers tell me He put us side by side. God has an interesting sense of humor. More interesting to me was the fact that even though I had attempted some pleasantries, on Saturday morning she exchanged seats and moved out of the seat God had assigned. I’m still processing that one.
I’m noticing something quite nice. Now don’t laugh, not even a giggle! I am enjoying being 50. It reminds me a little of being in Arizona. Down there with the strong Hispanic influence there just seems to be blanket permission to be colorful. I love it! Being 50 is like having permission to slow down, permission to savor, permission to enjoy. That probably sounds weird to many of you, but I have been so incredibly driven all my adult life that this is radically different for me. And I like it!
And fiction. I know I’ve mentioned that I’ve been reading novels lately. I thought maybe it would end when I got back from Mom’s but I spent the most delightful couple of hours last evening sitting on my front porch (on the new pseudo-wicker furniture Nelson bought me—tan/natural with burgundy flowered cushions; settee, 2 chairs and a table) reading. I only came in because it got too dark to read. I actually found myself considering bringing out a candle.
I guess I’m just feeling relaxed and dare I say content. Never thought I’d get here, but I think I’ll book a room coz it’s really quite nice!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Back Home
Total Scrabble games: 87
Score: Mom 43 Daisy 44
That's the closest we've been and the most games we've ever played!
Today I'm going through withdrawl.
Here are my notes from vacation:
Here's Tina laughing at herself:
-This morning woke up at 2:00am and Mother Nature was screaming in my ear. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed to hop up and CRASH! The momentary disorientation cleared and reality dawned: I was at Mom's not in the cozy confines of my Ohio bedroom. I had tried to get out of bed through the wall. Not always the best plan. Fortunately, I didn't pee myself making this discovery.
-I went to Curves to work out this morning. They have a very nice facility. The staff person was very helpful. I stepped up to my first machine and about threw my hip into the next county. Oh my! I didn't even think about how the machines my set for more fragile bone structures. I was working the glute machine and it was set so much more gently. I just busted out with laughter and kept right on working.
Am I really on vacation? I have already taken three calls from the factory, made one to TCompany, and called the office and the boss to get new equipment. I also had a call from an participant that I'm trying to find a job for. My life is never dull. And before you scold me....I want the packaging folks to call: they're still learning and I don't want them making mistakes. It also gives me continued opportunities to encourage them in their new leadership roles...and okay: it keeps me as the authority that they need to respect and turn to.
Now that last statement may need some clarification. It's not that I want or need anymore to be the "know it all." There was a time (BC--before crime) when it was very important to me and my twisted psyche that I was indispensable. That's not what I'm shooting for here.
The people I work with struggle with two issues (among others of course) in big ways: authority and responsibility. They don't accept the authority of those they should. There are multitudes of reasons why, including ingrained patterns of behavior that can justify any longer other than to say that it's always been that way. Another major reason is that when they were young the people who were supposed to be trusted authorities had the same two issues and they never were able to mold healthy patterns of response in their children. Unfortunately, these kids grow thinking the only person they can trust is themselves, but they're not even really sure about that because they know that their own track record of good decisions doesn't exist.
They need to learn to trust that the person in authority, me, is trustworthy and if in a critical time (like moving to a new facility) I drop off the radar screen then my credibility and their trust drop proportionately. So, the phone will stay on.
As for responsibility, think back to when you were an adolescent. Remember how you wanted all the privileges but none of the responsibility? You think you knew it all, and absolutely knew what was best--until there was a crisis and then it was back to Mom and Dad to bail you out. As adults this leads to poor choices in relationships and in spending time and money. Bad choices result in painful and costly consequences. But who's going to bail you out now? Typically there is no one, and who can you trust anyway? Those who might help always attach some string (like wanting the person to change the behavior that got them in the jam). It's a self-destructive cycle.
I went to the endocrinologist with Mom today. He took an hour with us. He was not happy that Mom's doctor had not sent over the results of her past bone density tests. He wants to run some more tests, but his first thought is that she doesn't have osteomalsia, even though she remembered quite probably having rickets as a child.
The good bad news is that he scheduled her for a 24 hour urine catch and we learned that what he had asked for would actually take two separate days so we will be housebound Sunday morning through Tuesday morning. I guess we'll just have to stay out of the hundred degree weather and play scrabble instead (insert extremely huge cheesy grin).
We did learn that there really isn't any value to taking a vitamin E supplement. Mom had been taking one everyday because they touted to be antioxidant and good for your heart. The doctor said that the recent studies had disproved this and in fact more harm might be done than good.
I also learned from Mom's sharing that she had not taken HRT and that may have contributed to her bone loss. So now how do you know whether HRT is good or bad? I was sort of hoping to be able to avoid it given the familial proclivity to cancer--now I don't know.
Tonight we're having marinated chicken breasts--and I'm cooking. What a hoot! Mom took me grocery shopping yesterday and bought me whatever I wanted. The strawberries look yum!
On Sat...
After a few games of scrabble, Mom and I went to Tubac. This is one of my favorite places. It's an artsy village. There are all kinds of shops. I got everyone's gifts there: t-shirts, rompers for the boys, a puzzle of the Grand Canyon, a mug. We ate lunch at the Tubac Culinary School's Presidio Cafe. Oh my! Mom had a wonderful salad and I had a pannini with grilled eggplant and some other incredible stuff. We finished up our day out with a stop at the Green Valley Nut Company where we bought the rest of the gifts.
In the evening I took a walk to the nearest Walgreens. I finished the Karen Kingsbury book Like Dandelion Dust. It was quite good. All the ladies in our WMS group really like her books. This was my first. I like her style too. I had combed through Mom's books and wasn't really in the mood for her mysteries. So my walk was for exercise, but also to see if I could find something else to read. I perused their Best Seller's display. I picked one up about a 50 year old woman who faced the whole struggle about "not being able to go home." I thought it might be a good read. Then I noticed one called A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. He wrote The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and Message in a Bottle, plus a whole lot more I hadn't heard of. I thought I'd give it a try.
Sunday Morning Bright and Fair...
This morning I took an early walk. I had decided to forgo church this morning. I left the house at 6:05am. It was a beautiful morning. God must have kept the windows open because the airs was so fresh. And while it's been nearly 100 degrees everyday, this morning it was comfortable right between 70 and 80.
Several others were walking as well. Some had two legs while more had four. I was surprised this morning to see more men than women walking, too.
In addition to the crisp morning air and the breath-taking views of the mountains surrounding me, the birds raised their voices. The quail were sounding out their warning. (They always sound like there singing in a bucket to me.) As I walked past one bush a momma and her peep scurried out across the street to safety.
The song of the morning dove is so incredibly mournful. I can't decide whether it is more peaceful or sad. It's such a calming sound. Can you imagine being a baby dove, to be raised surrounded by such a peaceful sound. Mom cringes when I wax on about the beautiful song of the dove. She thinks they're dirty disgusting birds that are far too prolific and should be hunted. It's better for us to play scrabble than to talk about wildlife.
There were so many other chirps and twitters as I walked my three plus miles. There was the chatter of the blue jay. They're so intimidating. They sound so mean. I give them a wide birth. There were some little red headed ones the size of finches. They have a high pitched song. And of course there was the loud call of the crow.
As I walked I talked. First I said thank you to Julia Cameron, the writing guru. I found myself noticing all the bird sounds and using creative adjectives to describe them. In her book The Artist's Way (or something like that, really it's recommended in all her books) she stresses the creative importance of walking everyday and using that time to feed your thoughts and observation skills.
Then I talked with God. It was some sweet one on one time. I remembered ten years ago when I was here visiting Mom. One night as I laid my head on my pillow, I realized that in ten years I would be old enough to live in this age restricted community. And here I am ten years later, no longer dreading the arrival of fifty, but now wishing that I could live in a place like this..
As I walked I noticed several places that have for sale signs. I walked by a couple to see if they have flyers. I don't think I'll ever be able to live in Green Valley. The prices are so high. Tucson might be more realistic and the north side is so wonderfully nestled in the mountains that I think I could be comfortable there.
In my conversation with God, though, he made me aware that there was a deeper transition taking place in me. Each time I have come out here, I just feel a connection in the depths of my being. It's like I'm holding my breath when I'm in Ohio and only really able to breathe here. My thinking is different here, too. I don't feel rushed or pressured. It's like all these visits have been preparing me for slowing down. All the struggles of the past years have been the grist to shape me ready to live a life that is still productive, but very, very different.
I just reread that paragraph. I'm not sure I conveyed those thoughts very well. I'll work some more on that.
Monday.
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I went to work out. It was rather serendipitous (don't you just love that word) that while I was there the owner came in. She had just purchased this Curves within the last year. So I asked her some of the questions I had that pertain to owning a Curves here in the Southwest.
After my workout at Curves I went to the library and spent some time on the computer. I was about an hour into reading and surfing when the electricity went out. There were some pretty upset people--I guess this has happened a couple times lately. I was thankful that I wasn't doing anything really important.
One thing that I accomplished before the lights went out was to begin final arrangements to meet with at cyber-friend during my layover at Dallas/Fort Worth on Wednesday on my way home. I posted on her diary that I had a 3 hour layover and wouldn't it be cool to meet. So we'll see.
Tuesday.
I go home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think about.
I am looking forward to a couple things. Tomorrow during my layover in Dallas/Fort Worth I am going to connect the Happy Wife of OpenDiary. This should be lots of fun!
This morning started out the same as many others:
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I worked out at Curves.
I went to the library.
I came home and we dove into Scrabble-mania.
We decided to go to our favorite Hallmark store, to run by Curves so Mom could buy me a Green Valley Curves shirt, and then have lunch at a quaint little bistro right next to Curves. The bistro was a wonderful choice. We had two luscious salads! And then it was home to dive right back into Scrabble!
I had an interesting conversation with God this morning about the whole idea of moving here. As I drove past the beautiful homes with their enormous price tags, I felt a bit of sadness. There's just no way we'll be able to afford to live here. Not any way that I can imagine.
So maybe here is just about the visits. I know I can live comfortably in Ohio. I know how to do that. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes and simple needs. Just as that thought came to me, I past three high priced luxury cars. I don't know if I would fit in here.
I finished the Sparks book this morning. I really enjoyed it. I will be looking in the library for his other works. When I was at Walmart Sunday night getting some more salad greens I picked up the Susannah's Garden. So far it's a good read too. Go figure: me getting into fiction!
I got my hair cut. Did I mention that? I did that on Friday. It's cut short. I wasn't going to do that. I had decided that since I wasn't working in the factory I would try and let it grow. My girls had been encouraging me to let it grow and I knew Nelson would like that, but it was just getting too shaggy and looked unkempt. So I got it cut short. Pixy-like, almost boy cut. At first I wasn't sure, but I like it so much. There's almost no care to it. It's cute. And way cooler. The only draw back: I'm noticing quite a few more grays. Hmmmmm. Now I wonder if can stick to my no color resolve? Only time and my hairdresser will know..
Score: Mom 43 Daisy 44
That's the closest we've been and the most games we've ever played!
Today I'm going through withdrawl.
Here are my notes from vacation:
Here's Tina laughing at herself:
-This morning woke up at 2:00am and Mother Nature was screaming in my ear. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed to hop up and CRASH! The momentary disorientation cleared and reality dawned: I was at Mom's not in the cozy confines of my Ohio bedroom. I had tried to get out of bed through the wall. Not always the best plan. Fortunately, I didn't pee myself making this discovery.
-I went to Curves to work out this morning. They have a very nice facility. The staff person was very helpful. I stepped up to my first machine and about threw my hip into the next county. Oh my! I didn't even think about how the machines my set for more fragile bone structures. I was working the glute machine and it was set so much more gently. I just busted out with laughter and kept right on working.
Am I really on vacation? I have already taken three calls from the factory, made one to TCompany, and called the office and the boss to get new equipment. I also had a call from an participant that I'm trying to find a job for. My life is never dull. And before you scold me....I want the packaging folks to call: they're still learning and I don't want them making mistakes. It also gives me continued opportunities to encourage them in their new leadership roles...and okay: it keeps me as the authority that they need to respect and turn to.
Now that last statement may need some clarification. It's not that I want or need anymore to be the "know it all." There was a time (BC--before crime) when it was very important to me and my twisted psyche that I was indispensable. That's not what I'm shooting for here.
The people I work with struggle with two issues (among others of course) in big ways: authority and responsibility. They don't accept the authority of those they should. There are multitudes of reasons why, including ingrained patterns of behavior that can justify any longer other than to say that it's always been that way. Another major reason is that when they were young the people who were supposed to be trusted authorities had the same two issues and they never were able to mold healthy patterns of response in their children. Unfortunately, these kids grow thinking the only person they can trust is themselves, but they're not even really sure about that because they know that their own track record of good decisions doesn't exist.
They need to learn to trust that the person in authority, me, is trustworthy and if in a critical time (like moving to a new facility) I drop off the radar screen then my credibility and their trust drop proportionately. So, the phone will stay on.
As for responsibility, think back to when you were an adolescent. Remember how you wanted all the privileges but none of the responsibility? You think you knew it all, and absolutely knew what was best--until there was a crisis and then it was back to Mom and Dad to bail you out. As adults this leads to poor choices in relationships and in spending time and money. Bad choices result in painful and costly consequences. But who's going to bail you out now? Typically there is no one, and who can you trust anyway? Those who might help always attach some string (like wanting the person to change the behavior that got them in the jam). It's a self-destructive cycle.
I went to the endocrinologist with Mom today. He took an hour with us. He was not happy that Mom's doctor had not sent over the results of her past bone density tests. He wants to run some more tests, but his first thought is that she doesn't have osteomalsia, even though she remembered quite probably having rickets as a child.
The good bad news is that he scheduled her for a 24 hour urine catch and we learned that what he had asked for would actually take two separate days so we will be housebound Sunday morning through Tuesday morning. I guess we'll just have to stay out of the hundred degree weather and play scrabble instead (insert extremely huge cheesy grin).
We did learn that there really isn't any value to taking a vitamin E supplement. Mom had been taking one everyday because they touted to be antioxidant and good for your heart. The doctor said that the recent studies had disproved this and in fact more harm might be done than good.
I also learned from Mom's sharing that she had not taken HRT and that may have contributed to her bone loss. So now how do you know whether HRT is good or bad? I was sort of hoping to be able to avoid it given the familial proclivity to cancer--now I don't know.
Tonight we're having marinated chicken breasts--and I'm cooking. What a hoot! Mom took me grocery shopping yesterday and bought me whatever I wanted. The strawberries look yum!
On Sat...
After a few games of scrabble, Mom and I went to Tubac. This is one of my favorite places. It's an artsy village. There are all kinds of shops. I got everyone's gifts there: t-shirts, rompers for the boys, a puzzle of the Grand Canyon, a mug. We ate lunch at the Tubac Culinary School's Presidio Cafe. Oh my! Mom had a wonderful salad and I had a pannini with grilled eggplant and some other incredible stuff. We finished up our day out with a stop at the Green Valley Nut Company where we bought the rest of the gifts.
In the evening I took a walk to the nearest Walgreens. I finished the Karen Kingsbury book Like Dandelion Dust. It was quite good. All the ladies in our WMS group really like her books. This was my first. I like her style too. I had combed through Mom's books and wasn't really in the mood for her mysteries. So my walk was for exercise, but also to see if I could find something else to read. I perused their Best Seller's display. I picked one up about a 50 year old woman who faced the whole struggle about "not being able to go home." I thought it might be a good read. Then I noticed one called A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. He wrote The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and Message in a Bottle, plus a whole lot more I hadn't heard of. I thought I'd give it a try.
Sunday Morning Bright and Fair...
This morning I took an early walk. I had decided to forgo church this morning. I left the house at 6:05am. It was a beautiful morning. God must have kept the windows open because the airs was so fresh. And while it's been nearly 100 degrees everyday, this morning it was comfortable right between 70 and 80.
Several others were walking as well. Some had two legs while more had four. I was surprised this morning to see more men than women walking, too.
In addition to the crisp morning air and the breath-taking views of the mountains surrounding me, the birds raised their voices. The quail were sounding out their warning. (They always sound like there singing in a bucket to me.) As I walked past one bush a momma and her peep scurried out across the street to safety.
The song of the morning dove is so incredibly mournful. I can't decide whether it is more peaceful or sad. It's such a calming sound. Can you imagine being a baby dove, to be raised surrounded by such a peaceful sound. Mom cringes when I wax on about the beautiful song of the dove. She thinks they're dirty disgusting birds that are far too prolific and should be hunted. It's better for us to play scrabble than to talk about wildlife.
There were so many other chirps and twitters as I walked my three plus miles. There was the chatter of the blue jay. They're so intimidating. They sound so mean. I give them a wide birth. There were some little red headed ones the size of finches. They have a high pitched song. And of course there was the loud call of the crow.
As I walked I talked. First I said thank you to Julia Cameron, the writing guru. I found myself noticing all the bird sounds and using creative adjectives to describe them. In her book The Artist's Way (or something like that, really it's recommended in all her books) she stresses the creative importance of walking everyday and using that time to feed your thoughts and observation skills.
Then I talked with God. It was some sweet one on one time. I remembered ten years ago when I was here visiting Mom. One night as I laid my head on my pillow, I realized that in ten years I would be old enough to live in this age restricted community. And here I am ten years later, no longer dreading the arrival of fifty, but now wishing that I could live in a place like this..
As I walked I noticed several places that have for sale signs. I walked by a couple to see if they have flyers. I don't think I'll ever be able to live in Green Valley. The prices are so high. Tucson might be more realistic and the north side is so wonderfully nestled in the mountains that I think I could be comfortable there.
In my conversation with God, though, he made me aware that there was a deeper transition taking place in me. Each time I have come out here, I just feel a connection in the depths of my being. It's like I'm holding my breath when I'm in Ohio and only really able to breathe here. My thinking is different here, too. I don't feel rushed or pressured. It's like all these visits have been preparing me for slowing down. All the struggles of the past years have been the grist to shape me ready to live a life that is still productive, but very, very different.
I just reread that paragraph. I'm not sure I conveyed those thoughts very well. I'll work some more on that.
Monday.
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I went to work out. It was rather serendipitous (don't you just love that word) that while I was there the owner came in. She had just purchased this Curves within the last year. So I asked her some of the questions I had that pertain to owning a Curves here in the Southwest.
After my workout at Curves I went to the library and spent some time on the computer. I was about an hour into reading and surfing when the electricity went out. There were some pretty upset people--I guess this has happened a couple times lately. I was thankful that I wasn't doing anything really important.
One thing that I accomplished before the lights went out was to begin final arrangements to meet with at cyber-friend during my layover at Dallas/Fort Worth on Wednesday on my way home. I posted on her diary that I had a 3 hour layover and wouldn't it be cool to meet. So we'll see.
Tuesday.
I go home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think about.
I am looking forward to a couple things. Tomorrow during my layover in Dallas/Fort Worth I am going to connect the Happy Wife of OpenDiary. This should be lots of fun!
This morning started out the same as many others:
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I worked out at Curves.
I went to the library.
I came home and we dove into Scrabble-mania.
We decided to go to our favorite Hallmark store, to run by Curves so Mom could buy me a Green Valley Curves shirt, and then have lunch at a quaint little bistro right next to Curves. The bistro was a wonderful choice. We had two luscious salads! And then it was home to dive right back into Scrabble!
I had an interesting conversation with God this morning about the whole idea of moving here. As I drove past the beautiful homes with their enormous price tags, I felt a bit of sadness. There's just no way we'll be able to afford to live here. Not any way that I can imagine.
So maybe here is just about the visits. I know I can live comfortably in Ohio. I know how to do that. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes and simple needs. Just as that thought came to me, I past three high priced luxury cars. I don't know if I would fit in here.
I finished the Sparks book this morning. I really enjoyed it. I will be looking in the library for his other works. When I was at Walmart Sunday night getting some more salad greens I picked up the Susannah's Garden. So far it's a good read too. Go figure: me getting into fiction!
I got my hair cut. Did I mention that? I did that on Friday. It's cut short. I wasn't going to do that. I had decided that since I wasn't working in the factory I would try and let it grow. My girls had been encouraging me to let it grow and I knew Nelson would like that, but it was just getting too shaggy and looked unkempt. So I got it cut short. Pixy-like, almost boy cut. At first I wasn't sure, but I like it so much. There's almost no care to it. It's cute. And way cooler. The only draw back: I'm noticing quite a few more grays. Hmmmmm. Now I wonder if can stick to my no color resolve? Only time and my hairdresser will know..
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
VACATION!!!!!
(Picture me doin' the happy dance...okay, perhaps that's not too pleasant a pic....just see me with the hugest of smiles!!!!!!!)
Tomorrow morning I'm rising at 4:15am. I'm getting picked up at 5:15am. My friend Pam and I are heading for Columbus Airport where she will leave me. I will be boarding a plane and flying to Dallas/Ft. Worth and then on to TUCSON where my mom will pick me up. We will have an entire week to ourselves to truly play scrabble til our eyes fall out!!!!
I will be checking in on you at the library so behave!
Hugs and Hershey's kisses to you all!!!!!
Tomorrow morning I'm rising at 4:15am. I'm getting picked up at 5:15am. My friend Pam and I are heading for Columbus Airport where she will leave me. I will be boarding a plane and flying to Dallas/Ft. Worth and then on to TUCSON where my mom will pick me up. We will have an entire week to ourselves to truly play scrabble til our eyes fall out!!!!
I will be checking in on you at the library so behave!
Hugs and Hershey's kisses to you all!!!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Deleting Negativity
I have written several pieces but deleted them. It wasn't because they were not written well--there's a switch for me. There's been something gnawing at me, an unpleasant situation that has been troubling to me all week. I found out that a person had done something that caused my shame meter to read through the roof. It was pure malicious character assassignation.
I wanted to blast this person. Shame them the way they shamed me. My heart ached for vengence. To make matters worse I found out what this person had done through a friend who was afraid her own character was about to be maliciously attacked. So I was not only angry, I felt rising righteous indignation.
Not knowing, an internet friend that I greatly respect and appreciate posted a piece about holding one's tongue when facing the possibility of spreading negativity. I guess that's part of what kept me hitting the delet button.
Then this morning as we went to prayer in Sunday School, my Bible fell open to a very precious passage to me. When I was in jail this promise was given to me as an encouragement. This morning it seemed to reinforce that encouragement and remind me that the whole matter was in God's hands and He would and could handle it much better than I ever could.
Here's the passage:
"7 As for me, I look to the Lord for help.I wait confidently for God to save me,and my God will certainly hear me.8 Do not gloat over me, my enemies!For though I fall, I will rise again.Though I sit in darkness,the Lord will be my light.9 I will be patient as the Lord punishes me,for I have sinned against him.But after that, he will take up my caseand give me justice for all I have suffered from my enemies.The Lord will bring me into the light,and I will see his righteousness.10 Then my enemies will see that the Lord is on my side.They will be ashamed that they taunted me." (Micah 7:7-10a, New Living Translation).
I knew I was being punished then because I knew I had done something wrong. I was willing to endure that punishment because I deserved it. The promise was that God would restore me. He still is doing that. Each day brings new experiences that reinforce that. Like this morning, as I was walking toward the sanctuary, the regular worship leader stopped me. She had her grandson on her hip and shared that she was having a really rough grandma morning. Would there be anyway I could just hop in and lead worship? Uh, sure. So I did. After service a man I highly respect came up to me and said, "You have a gift to lead worship. I don't know how we're going to use it, but we'll figure it out." Tears filled my eyes.
My nemisis will probably read this. She takes delight in reading my entries and then filling her day and the ears of my former co-workers with snide and nasty comments about me. Oh well. As far as I'm concerned she's in God's hands. He's promised to take up my case.
It's going to be much easier to hold my tongue when negative comments come a knocking!
I wanted to blast this person. Shame them the way they shamed me. My heart ached for vengence. To make matters worse I found out what this person had done through a friend who was afraid her own character was about to be maliciously attacked. So I was not only angry, I felt rising righteous indignation.
Not knowing, an internet friend that I greatly respect and appreciate posted a piece about holding one's tongue when facing the possibility of spreading negativity. I guess that's part of what kept me hitting the delet button.
Then this morning as we went to prayer in Sunday School, my Bible fell open to a very precious passage to me. When I was in jail this promise was given to me as an encouragement. This morning it seemed to reinforce that encouragement and remind me that the whole matter was in God's hands and He would and could handle it much better than I ever could.
Here's the passage:
"7 As for me, I look to the Lord for help.I wait confidently for God to save me,and my God will certainly hear me.8 Do not gloat over me, my enemies!For though I fall, I will rise again.Though I sit in darkness,the Lord will be my light.9 I will be patient as the Lord punishes me,for I have sinned against him.But after that, he will take up my caseand give me justice for all I have suffered from my enemies.The Lord will bring me into the light,and I will see his righteousness.10 Then my enemies will see that the Lord is on my side.They will be ashamed that they taunted me." (Micah 7:7-10a, New Living Translation).
I knew I was being punished then because I knew I had done something wrong. I was willing to endure that punishment because I deserved it. The promise was that God would restore me. He still is doing that. Each day brings new experiences that reinforce that. Like this morning, as I was walking toward the sanctuary, the regular worship leader stopped me. She had her grandson on her hip and shared that she was having a really rough grandma morning. Would there be anyway I could just hop in and lead worship? Uh, sure. So I did. After service a man I highly respect came up to me and said, "You have a gift to lead worship. I don't know how we're going to use it, but we'll figure it out." Tears filled my eyes.
My nemisis will probably read this. She takes delight in reading my entries and then filling her day and the ears of my former co-workers with snide and nasty comments about me. Oh well. As far as I'm concerned she's in God's hands. He's promised to take up my case.
It's going to be much easier to hold my tongue when negative comments come a knocking!
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