Party Central

I’ve had a wonderful day.
This morning I worked at Curves. Ann came in and worked out at the end of the day and then helped me clean so that I could get out of there since Nelson was taking me out for lunch for my birthday in Mtown. He had said something about going to Ruby Tuesday’s, but on the way I suggested Chipotle instead, which was fine by him!

We got to Chipotle and ordered our food. The meat that Nelson wanted for his burrito was still cooking and we waited quite a bit. When we went to pay, they told us our meal was comped! That’s the second time we’ve eaten there and the second time that our meal was free. I really like that place.

Then we went to Barnes and Nobles for a yummy coffee, a cookie and some brief browsing. We then went to Toys R Us. We were looking for a swing set for the grandbabies. The one we wanted was of course out of stock. We waited at the register for quite a while. Then the manager came and told us that they had one of last year’s models in a bunged up box that he would be willing to give us for $100—a $30 discount. Sold! We then went a couple places looking for Palm TX. They had one at Best Buy, but we decided to try and get it for less on Ebay.

When we got home, we came in the back door—nothing different about that. I noticed that there was a lot of food out in the kitchen, but didn’t think anything about it until I spied my dearest friend’s face looking back at me from the living room.

My family had worked together to create a wonderful birthday party surprise for me! It was Beth’s idea and she and Ann worked amazingly to make such a special time for me! Friends from Urbana (Karen and Joe) drove up with their three youngest kids. My sis was there with her two boys. My boss and co-workers were there from the T-Net. My manager and the club owner were there from Curves. My in-laws even showed up. Ann and Travis and Beth and Ron and all the grandbabies. We ran out of chairs!

I had asked for strawberry shortcake and there was an abundance. There was also some of Sis’ fruit and fruit dip. It was wonderful. The girls had decorated the place and there was a huge balloon that sang happy birthday (to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus) when you tap it.

While I was enjoying visiting with all our guests the phone rang several times. Nelson had arranged for several friends to call through the course of the party. My friend Laurie called from West Liberty. My mom called and sang happy birthday. My SIL called. Rhonda called—she was unable to attend because she’s been feeling sick.

Two calls were especially sweet to receive. Nelson contacted a very dear friend who I had lost contact with. He actually paid for one of those online services to hunt her down. It was so neat to talk to her. Then a friend and his wife called and sang happy birthday. I didn’t recognize the voice at first, but when I did—well, it was just quite a blessing.

I received several humorous cards—hip, hip, hip replacement! I also got several gift cards (I love Barnes and Nobles). I also got a console table for the entry way! I’m sure there will be more surprises and each one will make me smile even more.

And just think my birthday isn’t until Monday!!!

Clean

Scrubbed floors and scum free bathroom.
I hate to clean--but I like things clean. And I like the clean smell when I'm all done.
While I was on my knees wiping up baby spills, I began to think...Isn't amazing how God can get your attention then?

There are other things that I hate the work or process of, but absolutely love and want the results: study, exercised, diet, and work.

All through my Christian walk I have been captivated by the verses that instruct the believer to make every effort. It really is all about the process, about the journey. End results, those things we work for (like paychecks) aren't really the end. They're just the step to the next step.

So I'll keep on walking, and cleaning (guess that means I should grouse so with each mess) because I know it's all moving me that much closer to the real end--Heaven. I wonder if anyone cleans the bathroom there?

Time for New Growth

I did not quit my job.

I did finally get to meet with my boss today. It went ok.

I need to work on rebuilding his trust in me. One of the ways I've been doing that in the past couple days is cc every email/correspondance to him so he knows exactly how I'm operating. I already keep a detailed phone log and time sheet breaking out my time spent on each contract. In our meeting he said I needed to walk that difficult line for rebuilding trust without innundating him with information he doesn't need. I'll have to work on that.

We also talked about how I tend to get defensive in meetings when my work is being questioned. I know that I tend to take things way too personally and I need to work on this issue so that my co-workers don't have to fear my "mood" when they need to confront me.
Guess I just need to revisit and fine tune all my issues. Sigh.
I
t's quite beautiful out today...and just now I looked out the offict window (which is on the second floor of the house) and I spied flowers (magnolias, I think) on the neighbor's tree just across the ally from me. I just love spring!

Tonight I'm reveling in some quiet. Ann, Penelope, and Caden are back home for a visit. Beth is working. And Nelson is out grocery gathering. Asher is down for a nap. Until he wakes up, I'm just going to stroll through some blogs/diaries, or maybe play some scrabble. It's just such a sweet sort of silence.

I wrote the following for a prayer blog I'm a part of:

Tuesday night I was in the yard with the grandbabies. A bird flew into the top of the big old tree. Penelope (cutest 3 yr old on the planet) stood at the base of the tree and jumped (a flat-footed 3 yr old kind of jump)--several times. Finally she looked over at me, where I was desperately trying not to laugh at her efforts, and she said, "I guess I'm not big enough, Mema."

Then it was as if a lightbulb went off, and she ran for the house. Moments later she emerged with her little step. She set it at the base of the tree, climbed aboard, and proceeded to try jumping again. Her face quickly displayed her frustration. Until another bulb lit up: You help me, Mema?

And I could help but picture myself jumping awkwardly at life's issues--trying to tackle problems not meant to be tackled. It reminded me of Peter trying to walk on the water. Jesus didn't invite Peter. It was Peter who asked to try something he wasn't created for. Jesus allowed it and scooped him up--lovingly...knowingly.

God grant me clearer vision of what my tasks are for this day. Help me not to waste energy jumping after things that you don't need me to do. Grant us each that assurance of your love. And we will be thankful.

And This Week...

It was a poopy weekend. The boys both had diarrhea. Caden had several incidents of puking as well. That’s how I was awakened: by Travis washing one whiny baby in the tub. Travis was scheduled to have the kids, but since Caden was sick, he just spent the weekend with us. It turned out to be a good thing I think.

Sunday Aunt Flo came calling and I was crampy and feeling like I was coming down with a cold. I woke up Monday morning with more of the same. Problem was that I wasn’t sick enough to stay home, but felt too lousy to be at work. So I worked.Today is better.

Nelson continues to work long days. His pants were literally falling off him, so until his new uniforms come in he was given special permission to wear some of his bib overalls. When he started he was in a 56” waiste. Right now he’s down to a 44 or 46, depending on the cut. He continues to be my inspiration!

Ann and Travis had lots of opportunity to talk about things. He’s been remodeling their home. He’s completed therapy. It looks like she will move back home in May when the remodeling is complete. That will give them time to start over, having dates and move slowly. Then in the summer they’ll start couples therapy. It sounds like a good plan. We’ll be watching and praying as it unfolds.

Beth and Ron are looking at houses. Ron’s lease is up on his apartment in October. He doesn’t see the point in renting when their plan is to get married next year. They sat and talked with Nelson about how they should go about this. He gave good advice and they listened and actually followed it. Guess we’ll be watching and praying as that unfolds too.

So my very full house could be a very large house much sooner than I anticipated. Our lease is up in July so we need to make some decisions, too. I can’t even describe how I dread even the idea of moving, but I’m not liking some things that are already going on with the management company we’re renting with. They are now saying our rent is $685 with $10 for the pet rent. We can’t locate our copy of the lease. I know we had one, but it’s hiding really well. I’m going to look again tonight. Nelson and I talked about it. There’s just no way that it was $685. We were ready to balk at the $675. I know it’s only $10 but it’s principle and it is $10. If I can’t find it, I have to call and as for a copy of our original lease. Wonder how much they’ll charge me for that?

I cleaned my office today. Sort of. I filed and decluttered my desk and surrounding space of unnecessary paper. Now I have files to put away. That shouldn’t be too hard.

Well, it’s time to head home. Until later…

Same Old

My life just feels like a series of the same thing over and over repeating itself.

I work during the day. I fill in at Curves—a lot lately. I change a lot of poopy butts.

Sigh.

I’m fighting a sore throat.

Nelson and I are thinking about buying a Curves in Ft. Wayne. How insane is that?

Nelson has lost 130 pounds. But he says he hasn’t really lost it because he’s not looking for it. Clever man!

I have to leave and drive 45 minutes for a meeting in Huron county. I’m sooooo glad the sun is shining today. It’ll be a very wonderful trip!

Pretty soon my lilac will be blooming. Now that’s something to look forward to!

We're Back!

What a wonderful weekend I had!

We finally got moving down the road around 4PM.

Each turn or route we took erased a possibility of our desitnation.

We went south on 71. We went around Columbus on 270 toward Indianapolis. I crossed the border into Indiana (and I didn’t have to have a travel pass to do it!!!!). When we got to Indianapolis we went south on 465 to 65 south, straight down the road to Nashville, Indiana. Ahhhhh, Brown County.

Some of you may remember we spent our 25th anniversary in a lovely cabin there and meandered through the shops and eateries for several days. It was wonderful. Nelson knew how much I enjoyed that and decided to whisk me away for a couple of days there.

At first it seemed long way to go for such a short time---it’s about a 5 hour trip. But it was so lovely. Saturday it did a lazy snow all day—and I didn’t even care!!! Me, the queen of the weather weenies. What did I care! My car was parked, our cozy suite was within walking distance of everything. I was set. Me and my sweetie just soaked it all in.

One of the things I got was a travel mug from the Life is Good shop. It’s one of our favorite shops in town. He played special songs for us about love and our anniversary—the oldies we knew and loved. My mug is dark pink with a heart on one side where it says Life is good! The other side says “Do what you like. Like what you do.”

Since I’m at work now I think I will mind my mug and write more later. TTFN

Anniversary Adventure

Tomorrow (the 17th) is my, our 28th wedding anniversary. Nelson has made arrangements to “kidnap” me. He made sure that the girls had childcare all arranged so that I didn’t need to “worry” about that. He told me to pack a bag for him and me for two days. I was not told what we were doing, except we will be having dinner at Pizza Hut tomorrow night.

We went to Pizza Hut on our first date. We ate at Pizza Hut on our way from the wedding to the lodge at Salt Fork State Park, where we spent our honeymoon. On our way home from the hospital with Annie we stopped at Pizza Hut and celebrated her birth with our Pastor and his wife. We found a Pizza Hut near Nashville, Indiana when we were on our 25th anniversary adventure. So it is right and good to eat at Pizza Hut tomorrow night.

I went to Goodwill and was fortunate to find a pair of Victoria Secret satin pajamas to take with me on the trip. And they were half price! So was the bathing suit I bought for just in case there’s a pool wherever we’re staying.

I called home this morning and asked Annie (both Annie and Beth know Nelson’s plans, but both have done a great job of not letting anything slip) if the clothes I packed were appropriate for the trip. It’s odd. I haven’t wondered or worried about what the adventure will hold. Kind of reminds me of how I felt when I got married—I wasn’t worried and knew I could trust this amazing man.

I hope there is specialness and love in your weekend. I know there will be in mine.

Babbling

Have you ever wished you were something you’re not?

I wish I was more introverted. Does that sound crazy? I know so many people who wish they were more extroverted.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love most of what it means that I am an extrovert. Except that I think out loud. That piece of my personality has led me into more muddy experiences than I can count or remember.

Here’s an example.
One of the participants in our program was fired because he missed work for a probation violation (happens quite often). Subsequent to that he sat in jail. First thing he checked on when he got out was where his last check was. We needed to get that last paycheck to him and the plan was that we would do that this week when we were in his town doing our WINGS class. Enter the blizzard. I thought his check would be mailed, but I hadn’t gotten the complete word on that. He called me at home last night. I told him my boss was unavailable and that I would get in touch with him this morning. A few minutes ago I come back from a quick trip to the bathroom to find that I missed two calls—from this guy! He wanted to know about his check. I was irritated. I had gone to my boss’ office and he was in a meeting with my co-worker. I was waiting to check on the check when this guy calls.

Enter the extrovert. Enter the feeling driven extrovert. Grrrrrr. I walk to the boss’ office, interrupt the meeting, express only partial frustration and the boss jumps on the guy about the calls. Well, he deserved some of the frustration, but I needed to think way, way through what I needed to say. I said something about being frustrated because I was thinking out loud. My behavior was more like one of our clients than that of a professional.

I just went back and apologized to my boss.

Sometimes my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses.

Now before you jump on me…I know the downside to the introvert’s over-thinking things. An introvert can literally think something to death. I just want to be a little more balanced. Sometimes I think a lock on my mouth might work—or duct tape. I was talking to my prayer partner last week and our conversation got around to this kind of thing and I remember saying that I only open my mouth to change feet. (insert heavy sigh)

Guess that just means there’s room for growth. I hope so…cause I sure don’t like feeling the way I’m feeling right now.

Spousal Pride

I just needed to brag on my sweetie.

Our old scale died over a month ago. We bought a new one. Nelson weighed himself and he was down 119 pounds!!!!!!

This morning Nelson wanted to wear pants to church instead of his bib overalls. I went hunting for the smaller pair we bought at the end of November for him to wear when the big pair got too big. The pair we bought for job hunting had a 54” waist. The other pair was a 50”. Well, the 50” pair fell off him too! So we dug in his pants drawer and found a pair of jeans that were 48”—and they were too big too!!!!! The 54” pair was tight when we bought them so he’s dropped at least 5, if not 6 pants sizes.

I’m just so proud of him…and it sure keeps me working to lose too!

Grace and Flaws

(I lead the devotions at work on Wednesday mornings at 6:30. I started pulling out stuff off my shelves, looking for an idea. I stumbled back across the books mentioned below and realized I had started a post about them, so I am including that here with some more thoughts to go along with them.)

One of the books I bought with my Christmas gift card is “Get Out of Your Own Way.” It’s quite a practical little book and I read through it (very quickly) this morning, looking through it to see if there were parts I could use for the groups I teach. There are some good chapters that I will be implementing. One of the most valuable things was in the introduction (isn’t that the way it goes often) where the authors listed 10 things you can learn from self-defeating behavior. Now there’s some fodder for group work for sure!

Then I picked up one of the other books that I bought: “To Be Told, God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future.” More stuff for groups—ok, and for me! I just read a line that made me lay down the book and start writing: live your life in the right direction. Need to ponder on that for a while.

Try this one on: “God writes the story of my life to make something known about himself. He goes on: in our story God shows us what he’s up to and what he wants us to be about.”

Or this: “When I study and understand my life story, I can then join God as a coauthor.”

This one just makes me smile. Me, a coauthor with God. Since I was very young I have longed to be a writer. My dad painfully announced his judgment of that dream to my childlike heart: you will never write a book. It was as if he doomed me to never having anything of value to say or share with anyone. I have fought against that so much. Spent much time, effort, and money to learn how to have something of value to say.

Allender: You are a story. You are not merely the possessor and teller of a number of stories; you are a well-written, intentional story that is authored by the greatest Writer of all time, and even before time and after time. (p. 10)

“What makes my life a glorious bestseller is that my plot reveals not a mere moral or lesson but the very person and being of God. A merely good life reveals little beyond the fact that goodness exists. But a life that knows it’s plot, characters, setting, dialogue, and themes will possess a clear and abiding passion that reveals something unique about the Author. A life that is familiar with its story reveals much about the character of God.” (P. 22)

We give him (God) much greater glory when we are aware of our calling, live intentionally, and live with passion. P. 22

I just read the second chapter in the book. It’s about knowing your name. The author is obviously coming from the Judeo/Christian perspective where an individual often received a new name later in life that more identified them with their purpose or relationship with God. He moves on then with the exploring the story, or theme of your life.

Chapter three starts with a quote about the “flawed” life. I started to read the quote and just laid the book down on my desk. The resonation at that point was deafening.

There is a definite linking between the theme of our life, our name, and how our story unfolds. I know that my parents wanted a child. They had actually begun considering adoption, to my paternal grandmother’s absolute chagrin. Then I entered the scene. But it was hard to know whether my greater flaw was my distorted appearance from my crossed eyes, or the fact that I lacked male genitalia. Flip a coin. Truth be told I was a disappointment either way. And therein lies this remarkable thread or theme.

When I was a little girl I loved two shows. I remember watching and memorizing the plot and lines from “The Wizard of Oz.” I so related to Dorothy’s search from what was missing only to find it in her own heart and back yard. I loved the Christmas program of Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. I knew I belonged on the Island of Misfit Toys. I so related to that lost and missing piece…and missing peace.

And now I find myself working daily with those who are convinced they don’t fit in and that there lives are so messed up there could never be any purpose or meaning for them. And daily I tell them “Not so!”

What is the message in my flaws? (I feel a little like Dorothy being questioned by Glinda here.) That’s hard. I have always had an affinity to those who don’t feel like they fit in. I loved hospital chaplaincy because many of the people there were living on the raw edge of life that didn’t fit nicely into the clean order of a church pew. I often said I was a better chaplain than church pastor because I felt much more natural in a setting where I was helping come to faith or growth in faith than in making denominational autobots.

And now I find myself in a ministry that really gets in the trenches. I listen to people talk about how they are uncomfortable with the thought of working with the kind of people I work with. I was even confronted recently by a church staff member with their concerns with my interest in serving in a leadership position at church. “We have to be careful to not be a stumbling block. What would people think?”

I will be honest. There are times when I miss preaching, when I miss leading a congregation. And with what I have been through in recent years, I actually think I would be a much better congregational leader. I would be so much more tuned in. But that’s not where I am called or placed. So here on my island I keep planting seeds and watching for faith to grow.

That I am here did not come as a surprise to God. He knew when he called me to ministry and gifted me like he did that my gifts would be valuable right here, right now. I don’t need to run away from the cracks and flaws in my vessel.

Tucked way in the 15th chapter of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians is a marvelous little verse: “…I am what I am by the grace of God…and his grace was not in vain!”

Courage

A while back I started reading the book: “When Is Enough, Enough? What You Can Do If You Never Feel Satisfied” by Ashner and Meyerson. I had borrowed it from the library. I loved what I was reading and found it very hard not to make notes in the margin.

I love half.com. I got the book and I am devouring it! My yellow marker and red pen are keeping busy—but so is my google internet search engine. I’m finding all kinds of fodder for the classes I teach.

This morning I spent two hours teaching class. Here’s my outline:
1. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses, and how one can become the other.
I draw a continuum on the board and ask them to make a list of their strengths and weaknesses. I have them share some of their strengths and show how when pushed to the limit they can become a weakness. Conversely, I ask them to share a weakness and I show how when reeled back in, these reveal a strength. I tell them it’s time to reclaim their strengths and live in balance.

2. Stress Response: Flight or Fight.
We are wired to survive and protect ourselves from the prowling saber tooth tigers. We identify the tigers (or giants) in our lives that threaten us and how we respond with flight or fight. I lead them in a discussion of how futile flight really is: running gets you nowhere and wherever you go, there you are! We begin to consider the mature ways to fight.

3. Coping through Defense Mechanisms.
I take them through a list of defense mechanisms which may have been helpful at one point, but could be hindering their growth and development.

It was a good class and the attendees told me that they got a lot out the lesson. That feels good, but I really hope that there was something that they could come away with that will help them break the cycle of self-defeating behavior.

So, I’m reading and marking in my book and I get to an emboldened heading that stops in my tracks: Do you have the courage to be you? Hmmmm.

Just a little later I found this: “A history of self-sabotage is almost always a key that we have some central conflict with our identity—a problem accepting our personality, our real needs and goals, and working with them, not against them. Our work must begin with building self-esteem. There is no shortcut.” (page 43)

“…we’ve lost the only thing that can possibly make us feel secure—a real connection with ourselves.”

“Recently a woman at one of our workshops confided, ‘I’d like to own a bed and breakfast place, but reality is I have two children and a husband who is about to lose his job. Am I supposed to make the whole family starve while I follow some fantasy?’ What makes us so sure that we’d fail if we pursue a dream? Surely it’s not experience.” (page 44)

Maybe this only speaks to me. Honestly though, I want to believe that I’m not alone in this. I want to succeed, but I’m really afraid. I’m afraid to try because it means I could fail. And even though I know in my head that in reality there’s a process to coming to success that involves a weeding out that is often deemed as failure, the only real and true failure is not trying so by not trying the only thing I get is failure. How convoluted is all that?

So I guess the courage comes at being willing to live with the clicking tongues and head shakes that infer the judgment of others. Who would have thought that at nearly 50 I would still be struggling with this adolescent foolishness? Not me, that’s for sure. But perhaps it’s better to finally get to the struggle than to never face it at all. Perhaps, the struggle indicates that growth is still possible and the years to come can hold amazing adventure as I live courageously, adventurously, and expectantly.

Maybe the courage can come now because I don’t have to impress anyone. Maybe the gift of being about to turn 50 is that I’m finally free to be. Now this is a perspective I can wrap my brain—heck, I can wrap my whole being around this!

Good Days

Ah, what a wonderful morning I’ve had. I got up at 6. I made Vanilla Biscotti Coffee. And I sat down and engaged an old friend. I have a book I really love. I was looking for it before we moved. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I thought perhaps I had loaned it out and it hadn’t been returned. I was sad because for as much as I love it, I never can remember the title to tell someone about it—or to order a new one if I need it. (In fact I’m going to go get it so I can tell you the name.)

It’s called “Knowing Me Knowing God: Exploring Your Spirituality with Myers-Briggs.” In the prologue he identifies his thinking with Thomas Merton and sates: “I believe that the desire to please God does indeed please God, whether that desire is fulfilled or not.”

I liked that. And as I meditated on that thought I caught a ride on the tangential train. I was thinking about the way some of my books are like tools. I thought about how when Nelson was in construction. He wouldn’t start a job without his tools close at hand. Then I was stopped by a random thought: if I was only allowed five of my books, what five would I chose. This sent me, cup of coffee in hand, to the office where most of my books are randomly shelved.

It was so nice to check in with old friends! I scanned the shelves and considered which ones would be better suited for the active shelves at work. I pulled out a little stack. It will be fun to get reacquainted.

Work yesterday went well. One of the things that became a battle was my eating over the last few days. I had to really do battle with stress eating. There aren’t enough carbs on the face of the planet to quell that nervous feeling—but it seemed I was on a mission to try. Ugh! Having things go relatively smoothly yesterday and having several of the women who were working out tell me that I was doing well helped—a lot!

I went in about forty-five minutes early to make sure that I could get the music and “change stations now” CD to work. I figured that way if I couldn’t, I would still have time to call for help. When the day was done I left a running list of things I had questions about—there were 10 things on my list. All in all: a good day!

Today we have snow. And they’re calling for more of the same. Thankfully, the only day they aren’t calling for snow is Wednesday: the day I have to drive to my northern office. This is good news for the weather weenie!

Asher Day

My ankle is better. Only wore a brace one day. Never even bruised! Even more surprising to me was that I wasn't achy sore the next day. I'm going to attribute that to working out!

Classes went well last week. I do love teaching. This week at work I've spent a lot of time on the phone and typing different things on the computer.

I have my last training session at Curves tonight. Saturday I'll be flying solo. I don't worry about being out in the circuit with the ladies--it's the thought of answering the phone and not knowing the correct answer and doing the deposit. Guess I'll just do what I can and beg forgiveness and ignorance for what I mess up.

Today is Asher's first birthday! It should be a fun time of ripping paper, squeals of joy, and messy cake at my house tonight. Wish you all could join us. Annie is making a Nemo cake. Beth got him a zebra bouncy ride 'em thing, Annie got him a noisy toy that you shoot these balls through, I got him a zebra in a train car to go with a zoo train thing that he got for Christmas, Nemo PJ's, two sippy cups that have pop up straws (NO more spilling), and little slippers he probably won't keep on his feet, but since they were only $2 I thought I'd try.

Other Asher news: he's walking. It's so adorable. The new configuration of living room truly facilitated this. It's so hard to believe a year has gone by--they really do grow up too fast!

Go Boom

So I’m sitting here reading and thinking. I’m sitting here with my foot up. I fell last night. I was coming down the stairs holding Caden—he’s okay. I made sure of that. I, however, have an extremely sore ankle. I have full range of motion—I even went and worked out at Curves this morning (not going to use any excuses to not go), so I’m thinking it’s just nicely strained or sprained. Ouch. I have an ankle support on it and that is helping. I was going to take some Alieve…but it’s buried in a box…somewhere.

But I digress…

Tomorrow I’m teaching two classes. The first is on personality. I love teaching this. We use the Trent/Smalley inventory that results in each participant identifying whether their personality is that of a lion, a beaver, a golden retriever, or an otter. I then link that with other inventory information and discuss personality and the workplace, relationships, and communication. It’s a fun look at the topic that really provides some personal information and insight enabling the participants the opportunity to look at themselves in a non-threatening but enlightening sort of way.

The second class I’ll be teaching is on genius. We all are geniuses, you know. We’re the experts on us. It leads to a discussion of motivation and dreaming. It’s good stuff and quite a bit of fun for me.

On Wednesday I’ll teach about creating SMART goals and on Thursday I’ll be teaching about improving our communication skills.

It’s now time to get ready to go home to prepare for training at Curves. I wish I was enjoying this, but my trainer is trying to train and run the business. I have learned how to clean the place. I also understand the machines and the process. Wish I felt more like I was ready to do the job. So far it’s been a lot about selling the place. I have three more days of 4 till 8 (Mon., Tues., Wed.). I’m just planning to work very part time: every other Saturday and an evening each week. Not much work for a lot of benefits—it’s all good!

Well, I need to run…er, hobble. Actually, the ankle is feeling better. Spending time at the computer today has really helped. TTFN.

Moving Day

Well, we’re moved.
We had several come and help this morning. All but three were from our Sunday School class. One had serious heart attacks a couple years back. One had double cataract surgery last month. One had a double mastectomy last summer. One was close to 70. The others weren’t spring chickens—but golly how they all worked. A wonderful lady in our class brought us an amazing lunch—on the way over to feed and care for her bedfast daughter who has MS.

Bottom line: I got my socks blessed off today and so did Nelson. Nelson was very careful to abide by the lifting limitation that has been imposed upon him since his injury: nothing more than 25 pounds. I was hard for him to ask for help. Hard to accept it. But hardest of all was watching everyone else work and only really being able to direct traffic.

Another person that just impressed my socks off and blessed my little heart was Beth’s boyfriend, Ron. Wow. This guy worked tirelessly moving boxes and then today was the strongest young back we had. He moved all the appliances. We sent Ron and Beth to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner as a small way of saying thanks for all their hard work.

I have so many boxes to unpack. I had to come into the office to get something and snuck in a couple moments here on the computer. We’ll be without computer or cable until Monday. Hopefully by then I’ll resurrect the office…wish me luck on that one.

Well, Ann just called and wants a treat from Dairy Queen. She had baby duty all day—no easy task! Guess she deserves a treat too. A Moolatte sounds kind of indulgent to me too!

Sleep well…I know I will!

Part of the Plot

It's been a wild week. Lots of packing. We thought Asher might have chicken pox, but it only turned out to be a viral rash after a couple days of high fever. Thank you, God!

I've worn some of my skinny clothes and it feels so good. I am finally feeling okay about looking attractive. There was such a mental stigma attached to that for me. What typically would happen is that I would get right at the edge of feeling good and I would balloon back up.

Ballooning shouldn't be much of an issue for me. I got a part time job with Curves!!! I'm so excited. My membership will be paid as a part of my compensation--so I've done a good thing to reduce our monthly expenditures. And then my paycheck will serve as my mad money...so I won't need to ask for money--which I'm totally no good at. I start training today.

Ann and I were talking on the way home from our workout at Curves. Nelson has been a packing machine. After packing too much of the bathroom--leaving us no neosporon to use in the meantime, he's been more careful to leave the essentials unpacked until the move on Saturday. Ann decided he went to far again. He packed all the hot chocolate!
We had a good chuckle. Daddy just didn't see cocoa as an essential. Now isn't that just like a man for you? We (I) decided that the recent medical revelation that chocolate has benefits for one's cardiovascular system is really just a ruse by an underground feminist group to get men to quit dogging us about our absolute need for chocolate. As long as they believe that there's value then perhaps we won't have to indulge our cravings in secret any longer.

Now, if we could just find a medical substantiation for cookie dough!

Hershey Kisses for everyone!

Beautiful Day

Yesterday was a Cinderella sort of day! I took my gift cards and headed south to the fancy-schmancy mall.

First, I went to Talbots. I have loved their clothes but never been able to shop there. Card in hand, I began to pick out a few things. I was tickled when I was able to purchase a pair of really nice black dress slacks, a plum colored jacket and a deep turquoise blouse—all in a size 12!!!!

I realized in the morning, before I went shopping, that last January 1 I wore a size 24 pants and a man’s size 2X shirt—and they were tight. So when the little clerk tapped on my dressing room door and asked if the sizes I picked were working for me, I just giggled and squeaked out a weak “yes.” I explained my absolute delight as I was checking out.

After Talbots, I went to Ann Taylor Loft. This was a new store for me, a little more “trendy” than I’m used to. They were having a clearance sale, so I was able to get three skirts and three sweaters there for my gift card. The skirts are so different from my normal wear—these actually show some of my calf! (blushes with the audacity!)

Next I went to Linen N Things. Oh my! I was like a kid in a growed up candy store. I called Nelson and told him that I couldn’t do this on my own, so we decided to visit after we moved in and had a better idea of what we needed in the new house. Spending there is going to be SO much fun!

After leaving that shop empty handed, I went to Barnes and Noble. Hi, I’m Daisy and I’m addicted to books. I shopped and browsed, and shopped some more, but as all good Cinderella’s know, I needed to make my purchases and beat feet so I wouldn’t turn into a country bumpkin. Good thing I left when I did, too, as it was spitting snow and windy all the way home.

It was just a glorious, therapeutic kind of day. I felt pretty. I felt loved. I enjoyed my company.

Then I went back to work today. I spent the day in the factory. My goal was to check out what was going wrong and where we needed to tighten things up. There were several very costly errors, though caught prior to shipping, that just need to not happen. I found so much stuff today, that my boss determined I need to spend the rest of the week (at least) there at the factory getting things back on track. So, one of my co-workers is going to go to meet with my clients in the satellite counties. This is a disappointment for me, but I’m doing better with it now. It’s just hard to not take it as a demotion.

We’re coming along well on packing for the move. Everything is out of the basement and attic and many boxes have been packed from rooms around the house. All the utilities will be in our name this weekend and we’ll start moving some things. The truck has been reserved for the 13^th. Hopefully there won’t be a blizzard then…

Christmas Morning

Merriest and Happiest!!!

Well, the trash is all at the curb and the kidlings are enjoying their toys, including Ron who is picking away at the guitar that Beth bought for him. I bought Nelson a new pocket knife which he proceeded to cut himself with trying to get the little “keep-it-in-the-package ties” on his pocket watch. He needs stitches but with no insurance he’s in the kitchen fixing lunch. I should probably take the chef knife I bought him, but he looks so much like the Iron Chef using it! (insert big grin)

While we were cleaning up after the mass opening, Nelson announced that we all needed to carry boxes out today—2 per person. I carried 2 bins (the absolute hugest) for each person and put them in the garage. Had to make up for not being able to go to Curves today!

Nelson bought me Escape perfume—my favorite, which they no longer make (why do I always fall in love with the scents they decide to can?), and Liz perfume—my second favorite! He also got me gift cards to Linen-n-things, Talbots, Ann Taylor Loft, Barnes and Nobel, and Crabtree and Evelyn. I’m excited about all that shopping!!!!!

I’m reading a book I took out from the library—imagine that! (insert silly giggle) It’s entitled: When is Enough, Enough? What You Can Do When You Never Feel Satisfied. I’m seriously liking it and think there’s going to be lots I can use in the classes that I’m teaching at work. So far, I’m really intrigued by his description of “chronic dissatisfaction” and the part I’m reading about that seems to link well with one of my other favorite books (by Shel Silverstien) The Missing Piece. I would be interested in any feedback you might have on the book.

Well, it sounds like there might be a toy war happening so I better go save Pepa!

Many blessings.

Update and the Library

Penelope did the cutest thing yesterday. There were a couple pictures of me—pre-weight loss in the dining room. One is a picture of Beth’s graduation in 2002. Beth asked Penelope who was in the picture. “Pepa, Bet, and” she paused looked at Beth and said, “Friend.” She didn’t recognize me, I was so heavy in the picture. There was another picture that was just of me and she didn’t know who that was either. Made me feel really good about what I’ve accomplished. I really am a different person.

Update on the housing situation: We dropped off our rental deposit last evening. I spent some time on the phone with the rental agent telling her my story and assuring her that we would be good renters. She called and talked to my boss, Dan, and called me back to let me know she thought it would work. On Monday they called from the rental manager’s office to let us know we were approved. Well, over the weekend we decided, sort of, that perhaps we should consider buying instead of renting—and maybe we should buy a multi-family dwelling. We hunted a bit, but didn’t find anything quickly. We decided rather than rush to buy, we would take the house for a year and do some logical searching. Now I have to find out when we take possession and when we can start moving.

I hate moving. I hate packing. Nelson won’t be able to help much. We’re talking about seeing if we can pay the church youth group to help us. They would earn some money for their mission trip and we would get strong backs! Sounds win-win to me. Then my friend Debbie said she’d help unpack—because she loves to do that. The only thing I hate worse than packing is unpacking. I told her it was a deal!

I’m going to do something quite fun this afternoon. When I moved to this county in 2004, one of the privileges of citizenship that I lost was the ability to go to the public library. Now that I’m off paper (done with probation) I can once again peruse the stacks to my heart’s content—and that’s just what I intend to do!

Hope your afternoon holds a special adventure as well.

Catch Up

I have made some dear friends here. A couple of them (Bless you Hope and Erin) came hunting for me since I've been somewhat absent. I will attach a couple entries from my journal to update you on life as I know it these days. The other thing I need to do is re-gather all my contacts here since my old fav list has died with the laptop...deep sigh and sadness!



Sunday December 10: To squeeze tight.
Yesterday, shortly after noon, Annie called. She asked if I would come get her and the kids. She had been trying to hold on in the marriage, hoping things might change. Final straws broke as words flew yesterday. There were threats of violence and she deterined to leave quickly.Quickly was 3hrs later. I arrived in 2 1/2 and we loaded and left. Penelope thinks we're just visiting Mema and Pepa. She rode with me, chattering away the whole trip.It's going to be very tight.

Our house was advertised as a three bedroom, but it really isn't. There are two bedrooms and a common landing area upstairs that we use as an office and catch all. So for the time being we put the dining room table in the garage and cleared out the dining room. Ron (Beth's soon to be fiance) is loaning us a spare bed and Nelson and I will sleep there since we get up the earliest.

When we get to Sunday School this morning we're going to let our plight be known. Maybe someone either has a larger rental property or knows someone who does. We can't pay a whole lot more. The problem is that there are few landlords who will rent to "people like me." Whisper a prayer for favor if you happen to think of us today.

I had to chuckle last night when Annie said something about an empty nest. Not a problem here. I'm actually going to understand the Christmas line from Bethlehem a whole lot better: no room in the Inn.

Blessings on your day...there are plenty little ones here!

Tuesday December 12: In a few minutes I leave for prayer and share with a friend at a local coffee shop. I look forward to the time.

Well, I no longer have a dining room table. I have a dining room bed. We borrowed a mattress from Ron (Beth's boyfriend). It's only full size so it's a bit small on our box spring, but Nelson and I are re-learning how to cuddle. Thankfully there's a TV in both Ann and Beth's rooms so when we get tired they go to their rooms and we can go to bed in the dining room.

Tonight after work we all went to look at a larger house to rent. I fell in love when I walked in the front door: hardwood floors and linoleum in the kitchen. There are 4 nice size bedrooms. The fourth is the entire third floor. It's all tastefully decorated and has lots of storage space. There's a garage and car port and a nice yard with a couple trees. It's centrally located in town and located where I could live. The biggest drawback is that there is only one bathroom--fortunately it does have a bathtub--babies need one and currently we don't have one that works. The rent is higher but doable. We are leaning toward yes, but I just get the feeling that Nelson has reservations beyond his inability to help move much of anything. We need wisdom on this--much greater than our own.

Beth is out right now with Asher and Penelope and Caden have laid down for naps. I'm just soaking in the silence.........it's such a precious sound.Waves TTFN so as not to disturb the peacefullnesssssssssss.

Further news: On Friday I had a couple conversations with the rental agent about my criminal record. She ended up calling my boss for a reference--bless Dan! She called me back and we still need to go through the formality of the application (and $35), but it looks like a go. The funny thing is now that Nelson and Ron have been talking and they think it might be better to buy a duplex...it would put the move off a little longer, but what we move into would be ours and when one of the girls move out then we could rent the other side and make money towards the payment. Now if we could just get an agent to call us back...

On Prayer

One of my favorite cyber people, who I have been fortunate to communicate with beyond just diary notes, has been going through a really rough time. She’s been growing in her faith and working on her experience of prayer.

Now, many people have been giving her very critical advice, judging her prayers, and her experience. This troubles me—greatly.

Interestingly, we started a quarter this past Sunday in our Adult Bible Fellowship on the Lord’s Prayer. I am quite excited about it. The teacher is one of my most favorite professors from seminary. (He’s also the professor I worked with in 2003 as I presented my story to the ethics class of the counseling program.) Anyway…I wanted to share some of the thoughts from that class because the so eloquently say what I want to say to this friend—and all the critics!

Some quotes on what prayer is not:
The business of prayer does not consist in much thinking but in much loving…Do whatever, therefore, most excites your love. Teresa of Avila
Prayer is not primarily saying words or thinking thoughts. It is, rather, a stance. It’s a way of living in the Presence, living in awareness of the Presence, and even enjoying the Presence. Richard Rohr

Some quotes on what prayer is:
-Prayer is keeping company with God. Clement of Alexandria
-True whole prayer is nothing but love. Augustine
-Prayer is a dialogue of lovers. Calvin Miller
-Prayers are tools, but with this clarification: prayers are not tools for doing or getting, but for being and becoming. Eugene Peterson, “Answering God”

Dr. Reuschling told us: There is no one way to pray (anymore than there is one way to learn or grow in any loving relationship).

Some prayers have words while others are just an ache in our heart that we have no words for.

I pray while I drive. I sing my prayers. I cry my prayers. But I also sit quietly and listen and look and watch—so that I might hear the answers, or direction, or truth that is for me.

Prayer is not duty—it really is my communication with (dialogue not monologue) the One who knows me best and loves me most.

Thanksgiving Prayers

Well, here it is the day after Thanksgiving and I am sitting at the computer—at work! Dan and Bob are both out of town so I became designated “check hander outer.” It’s really ok because I don’t go shopping on this day. I tried it once and got some good deals, but it wasn’t worth the insanity and frustration so I have made it a personal policy to avoid the maddening holiday rush on Black Friday.

I’m not sure why I said I’d be her from 8 until 12. No one will be up that early. I’m going to use my time to write some devotionals and study guides for the church web page. I’ve got the music going and an extra sweater on (our building is an OLD school building and is notoriously hard to heat) so I’m good to go.

Thanksgiving dinner was nice. Nelson and I went to his parents’ house in Toledo. Mom always has a nice dinner. Nelson’s paternal grandmother was there. She is 91 and suffers with Alzheimer’s. She was having a good day. Beth and Asher had dinner and spent the day with Ron’s family. Ann was at home with a very sick little Penelope.

Ann probably wouldn’t have joined us, even if Pnel wasn’t sick. Last week she determined that she has had enough, tried enough, and was now done with that marriage. The news rocked Travis momentarily and he said and did some things indicating his desire to keep the marriage together, but I think in Ann’s mind and heart it was clearly too little too late. She decided that she probably should have trusted her gut more and not gotten married at all. The trouble was she began to act irrationally and impulsively and it has taken a considerable amount of coaching from her father and I to get her to slow down and think about her actions. My last advice was that she needs a better plan to get out of this marriage than she did to get into it. That seemed to make sense. It’s just so terribly hard to watch this and feel so helpless to do anything for them.

I had to chuckle at myself on the way to and from Nelson’s folks yesterday. You may recall that I am the ultimate weather weenie and I loathe traveling in inclement weather—especially snow! So I prayed, “Please God, don’t let it snow on Thanksgiving.” I was quite elated, as I monitored the weather, that it appeared God had taken pity on my lack of driving courage and the weather forecast was calling for partly sunny and a high in the 50’s!! Yea God!

Well, that’s what I thought as I was driving out of Atown. As we got about 12 miles north of town, we could see a dark ominous cloud forming just at the tree line. Fog. Didn’t think much of it at first, I mean it was after 11 in the morning, surely it will be burning away. Wrong. We were in pea soup so thick that you couldn’t see two telephone poles ahead. And talk about idiot drivers. No, they didn’t need their lights on to see, but sure would have been nice to have them on so that I could see them! Sheesh. We drove in the fog for the next hour. Then the sun refused to shine the rest of the day.

Nelson and I stopped over at his grandmother’s house on our way out of town. The house has sold and the family is having an estate sale to clear out the remainder of Grandma’s things. I got an old graniteware turkey roaster (cream and green, my favorite) and a footstool. While I was sitting in the car, waiting for Nelson to finish his good-byes, I could see the fog creeping into the neighborhood. By the time we got to the expressway we were socked in. Nelson felt it would be easier to go home by way of the turnpike so I complied. It was so thick I could barely see two car lengths in front of me. He determined I should be okay to drive since it’s a straight shot and he can see in fog. Unique logic, I think. I did some quick internal weighing out of my situation. I was petrified and tense beyond description, but couldn’t imagine how bad I would be if I wasn’t driving—it’s all about control. I set the cruise on 65mph, pointed the car in the right direction, and started praying again. That’s when I had to chuckle.

“I guess I wasn’t specific enough in my prayers, God. Thank you so much for not having it snow and impede my journey home. I know this fog isn’t going away so help me get through this now. I don’t have any conditions to throw on this. I’m not going to make any desperate promises. I just need your help, your assurance, and no deer running tonight.”

Just one more lesson on how to pray specifically, to ask for exactly what I need, what I want.

I was in horribly thick fog with cars flying by me on the turnpike. When we left the turnpike to turn south and head towards home, the cars were much more cautious—slower than even I wanted to go. About five miles from home the fog lifted and I rolled into town quite happy to see my little burg on the horizon.

I slept well—like a log. And surprisingly when I woke up this morning there was no tension or soreness from the tense ride home. Be sure, I thanked God for that this morning!

Have a great shopping day.

Beauty for Ashes

A person with gray hair and a gray sweatshirt and gray pants just came into my office and emptied my trash. This person barely looked up, only asked quickly if I had a trash can to empty. This person moved stiffly. I wanted to swoop in and help them, but there was no invitation for help. There was no expression on their face. It was such an odd exchange.

Last Monday (11/13) our ministry sponsored a community forum re-introducing the community to the Citizen Circle. (http://www.drc.state.oh.us/web/citizen/citizencircle.htm) We had a panel presenting information. On our panel was an ex-offender who has a private business operating in 5 counties. He hires many ex-offenders and is quite successful. There was an educator who gave some wonderful statistics supporting the value and importance of education while incarcerated. The third guest was a gentleman who earned his BA while in prison and is now employed as a case manager with an agency in Columbus that does similar things that we do—only his agency is huge! He was imprisoned for 25 years. The final guest was our county’s Common Pleas Judge. They made wonderful presentations. It was very informative for the 25-30 community people who were present.

When they were done, Dan (our director who moderated) turned to me and asked me (in front of the whole crowd) to tell my story. Deep breath. There was a friend from church sitting next to me. He didn’t know many details of my story or my crime. He would now. I started by talking about my mean old PO who demanded that I get a job—she was sitting two rows back. When it was all over, I was amazed with how much I said, including specifically identifying that my crime was a sexual offense. At the end my friend hugged me and told me that he was so glad I was his friend. It just blessed my heart.

A couple days ago Dan brought a guy he was working with into my office. He introduced me and told the guy that he would let me tell him my story later (thanks Dan). Then he quickly asked me to answer a question—ok. “Do you think someone could be content making $5.50 an hour?” I searched Dan’s face, wishing desperately that I had taken that mind reading course. What was he going for? “Yes.” I answered quickly, and honestly. Dan grinned quite largely, thanked me, and whisked the guy out of office as quickly as he had swooped in. The guy was adamant that no one could be content making that kind of money. Guess he just needed to meet me.

We have a new web page—quite spiffy and completely under construction yet. There’s a picture of me there (transformationnetwork.org). We have a newsletter coming out next month and Dan asked me to write an article for it. I’ll close with what I wrote:

In 2004 I moved to Ashland and was immediately faced with the daunting task of finding a job. I came with a felony conviction and found that the employers I contacted were not interested in giving me a chance. That’s when I was put in touch with the Transformation Network.

Dan and Bob seemed extremely apologetic as they offered me a job that would pay only $5.50 an hour. It seemed a low wage to offer someone with three masters degrees like I have. I was quick to accept the wage and the job (sight unseen) because $5.50 beat $0 all to pieces!

I started with the packaging program, seeing quickly areas of organizational need that would increase not only our production, but also the quality of our work. The management at the Reineke company saw my efforts and offered me a position with their company supervising the T-Net work program. I began work for them in March 2005. I worked in that position and in the factory until October 2006.

In August of this year, Dan came and presented me with an opportunity to work full-time with this ministry. I would still supervise the packaging program but also work the re-entry contracts that we have in Huron and Erie counties.

After I committed my crime and began the arduous task of rebuilding my life, I seriously doubted how God would ever be able to use me again. Dear friends would try to encourage me by telling me that they believed that God wasn’t through with me yet. I politely nodded, but held tight to my doubts.

The physical labor of the packaging program and in the factory gave much opportunity to be in prayer—I so desperately felt out of my element. It was in the attitude of prayer that God began to reshape my attitude and rebuild my trust. When Dan did come and offer this position to me, I was taken completely by surprise. It was that moment when I completely released the doubts and began to fully experience the truth Jesus preached as a young man in the synagogue:
“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, because the Lord has appointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that the captives will be released and prisoners will be freed…To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. (Isaiah 61:1-3, NLT)”

Beauty for ashes…that’s what this has seemed like for me. To again be associated with a ministry focused restoring people was more than I had hoped for but it was always the desire of my heart. Our faithful God made that happen and for that I can’t help but be abundantly thankful! The even more exciting thing I’ve realized is that as good as this is—He still more in store for me. And I believe He does for you, too!

There’s more going on in life…I’ll write about children, grandchildren, new teeth, and impending divorces very soon.

Electricity and Turtles

Electricity is an amazing thing.

The other day the cordless phone died. We discovered that the extension cord that that the base was plugged into which went behind a chair (out of sight…) had come unplugged. Two days later we realized that the computer had been connected to that same extension cord. So the good news is that there was and is nothing wrong with the laptop that being connected to the source of electricity wouldn’t cure. Yay!

Nelson keeps feeding us so wonderfully! I keep saying, “I love being on a diet.” And he keeps reminding me that we’re not on a diet. We’re eating healthy and smart. Whatever it is—I’m loving it!

Our conversation started out this way again this morning, and sort of meandered around as we discussed the many dietary and physical changes we’ve made in the last few months. For me, this is the longest period of time that I’ve ever worked on losing weight. I started January 1^st this year and have stayed with it all year. As of this morning I’ve lost 46lbs. My goal was 50lbs for this year. I think I’m going to make it.

I came away from our conversation with a deeper clarity on the book I may be needing to write. Nelson made a comment that much of the “failure” that people experience when it comes to losing weight is tied up in their seeking of an instant solution. I’ve often said I didn’t gain all this weight overnight, I’m not going to lose it overnight either. But we are such an instant and immediate people.

Last week, I was thinking about this as I led prayer in our Sunday School class. Our pastor had quintuple by-pass surgery about six weeks ago. He’s pushing himself in many ways and getting frustrated that his stamina isn’t where he wants it to be. This caused me to start thinking about how much we loathe slowing down—even if it’s good and necessary for our healing.

Then today I was in the reading room perusing my Woman’s Day magazine when I came across an article entitled, “The Joy of Patience.” Our impatience can be totally detrimental to our health—to the point that it can cause us to die early.

In one of the classes I taught this week I was teaching the group how to set SMART goals. One of the articles I read encouraged the person who was thinking about setting goals to make some of the goals or encouragements towards those goals to be visual. I used to do this when I was on a weight loss crusade: I would put the picture of a dress that I wanted up on the fridge as a motivator. These days my visual reminder isn’t a dress—it’s quite different. I wear a ring on my left hand middle finger. It has three turtles on it. I wear it to remind me to slow down.

There’s some more thinking going on, but I think I’ll just get started with this.

REALLY quick

Monday: worked at factory. We were way under the gun to get the balance of a HUGE order out on time. Worked past the point of exhaustion--barely fell into bed. Thank God for Aleve.

Tuesday: taught. It felt so good and was SOOOOOO much fun. The component of the training that I was assigned was to help the group start thinking of possibilities and valuing their unique gifts and contributions. To say the least I was stoked--and they really seemed to engage.

Today: teaching again. My component is on goal setting. This is something I've gotten better with. The guy before me will teach them how to write a mission statement and follow by helping them set their goals based upon the foundation of their dreams and mission. Should be an energy filled afternoon!

Nelson went to the auction of the second house last night. This one was quite cool. I liked it better than the last and really liked that it had an attached apt that Beth and Asher could have lived in. Nelson bid up to 77k. It went for 78k. Must be something better out there. No more auctions for a while so we can take more time to look.

Nelson has an apt with the BWC guy today. This is the job related part of the process now. Since his former employer signed off, he's now able to start looking for a different job. We need to get him a super-duper resume. Won't be hard.

I'm writing this at work because the laptop died the other night. Some problem in the power connector. Nelson ordered a new cord and adapter, but it just wouldn't keep the charge. Now the only computer in the house is the daughter's and we can only access it when she's at work. I just don't think she'd appreciate me going into her room at 4:30am when I typically get online...

Well, I'm out the door. Enjoy the absence of political ads and pray for the new folks in office!

Shopping

In my closet!!!

I just love doing that. I was thinking about the holidays coming up and I realized that I didn't have a dress up dress. So I went to my closet to see what might be hiding. What I found made three shades of giddy and had me doing the happy dance!!!

First, I found a red dress that I bought back for Annie's wedding. Problem was--it was too small when it came time for the wedding. But it fits now and will be perfect for the Christmas banquet. Yay!!! Then I got brave and tried on my 100% rough silk dress (bought way back when we lived in Kansas City and I paid $150 for it)--and it fit!!!! I was ecstatic! Then I remembered I had bought a denim dress, long sleeve with pin-tucks down the front, and a suede collar and cuffs. It's a size 14--and it fits AND I'm wearing it to work today. I'm just enjoying this!!!

And surprise, surpise: I LOVE being on a diet! Not just for the "new" clothes. Nelson made Pumpkin Cranberry Muffins from the low carb cookbook I bought for Sweetest Day. Oh my gosh!!!!!!! He made them in the mini-muffin pan and we used fat free cream cheese with them. I ate four which was 208 cal, 16g fat, 10g protein, and 12 carbs (with fat free cream cheese: 223cal, 16g fat, 12g protein, and 13.5 carbs). They're made with almond flour. Nels even made them healthier by adding ground flax seed. I love muffins from Perkins' bake shop: these were better than anything I ever got there. I'll post the recipe later.

The only sad note to my day was that someone from work is going through a rough time. Not one of my workers, but one of the people from R Company. I've mentioned her before, and I probably haven't been too kind. She found my blog and has appeared to take great delight in spreading my business in a malicious manner. I haven't handled that as tactfully as I probably could or should have. It's weird. I don't mind that she reads, but I never got why she felt this need to dish the dirt.

Anyway, I heard that her nephew died suddenly and it was quite a blow to the family. I'm sad on two fronts by this. Loss of young people is a tragedy and I relate to the grief and pain. But the other piece of this loss is that her anger and disdain for me (I guess because of my crime) has put up such a barrier that I don't know that I could reach over, around or through it to express my condolences. That makes me sad. Maybe she'll read this and she'll find out that my heart aches for her and I'm praying for her and for her family. That much, no matter what, I can and will do!

So, now I'm off to a seminar. Oh, I forgot to write about that. The local seminary (where I got 2 of my 3 degrees) has a Leadership Center and they were sponsoring a seminar on Faith and Business. Our agency was invited. Dan accepted for us. So, yesterday I basked in a learning environment and was challenged in my thinking--it was great!! Today, there are two workshops within walking distance from my house and I'll be done with them by 2:00 so I can still get some stuff done in the office.

Mmmmm, Nelson just told me what I'm having for lunch: a salmon salad with all the fixings. Did I mention I love being on a diet? TTFN

Chili Today

Nelson's Hot Healthy Chili
6 RIPE TOMATOES (PUREED)
2-28OZ CANS CRUSHED TOMATOES (NO SALT ADDED)
2 CUPS WATER
1 MEDIUM ONION, DICED
1-8OZ PACKAGE OF LENTILS
1 PACKAGE OF TURKEY PEPPERONI (cut in quarters)
¼ CUP CHILI POWDER
¼ CUP DRIED CILANTRO
1 TBLS BLACK PEPPER
1 TBLS GARLIC POWDER
1 TBLS GROUND CUMIN
2 TSP CAYENNE PEPPER
2 CUPS FRESH SPINACH (PUREED WITH TOMATOES)

EACH 1 CUP SERVING HAS:

98 CALORIES
10 GRAMS OF CARBOHYDRATES
1.5 GRAMS OF FAT
6 GRAMS OF PROTEIN

It's just the best! Enjoy.

Ride the Wave

Okay, so I'm in Sandtown, away from home, and Nelson called to ask if I'd let the office know that a fax would be coming in for me. Oh? Nelson called the first mortgage guy he was working with and ask him to just put the loan in my name. And it went through. Surprise! So Nelson went to the auction.

There was only one other couple bidding. Nelson opeded the bid at 50k. They went back and forth until Nelson bid 60k. The trustees of the property wanted 82,500. Nelson countered. They countered. Nelson made a final offer of 72k (our limit) and they came back with 76,500 and we would have to fix the problem with the upstairs toilet. No thank you. So we don't own a house, but we're going to look at another one on Friday that's being auctioned on Monday. And if that doesn't work we're going to slow down and look for a better deal. Nelson really likes the realtor that he's working with.

So maybe sooner than later.

And Now...

We aren't going to bid on the house. Nelson's boss signed off on Nelson and so technically, he's unemployed. The good side to this is that he can look for other work. The down side, especially where the house is concerned, is that he's unemployed. We already lost one house in the bankruptcy (2002) and I don't want to go there again.

Speaking of the bankruptcy...what we found out on that is that the mortgage company signed off on the house January 2004 and the house didn't sell at sheriffs auction until January 2005. Most mortgage companies won't touch you until 36 months after the sale. Here, we had been counting time from the bankruptcy. Little things you don't get told. Sigh. Nelson did find a company that would work with us, but the payment would have been way more than we could have afforded. Guess I'll just go buy some paint.

I was so sleepy last night after work. I was falling asleep in my chair at 7:30pm. Beth was in Toledo, with Asher and Ron, visiting Nelson's sister. So with a little encouragement from Nelson, I went to bed...at 7:30! And I slept until 5:30 this morning. I just don't do that. Guess I must have needed it.

Well, I'm off to Sandtown to meet with clients this morning and then at Nortown in the afternoon. I combined Wednesday and Friday's office times today since this Thursday and Friday I'll be at a Leadership Conference at the seminary. It looks good. I'm kinda excited to get into a learning setting again.

Looks like it's time to head north. Have a wonderful day and stay warm!!

House Stuff and Stuff

It’s the wee hours of Saturday morning. And I’m up to get ready for work. We’re just working 6 to noon. I fell asleep in the chair both Thursday and Friday evenings. I’m not sure why I’m so sleepy. Perhaps I’ll blame the weather.

I mentioned that on Tuesday, Nelson and I drove around looking at houses. We came across one that is being auctioned next week. We like the look of things: the style and the landscaped extra lot. He got on the computer and began searching for a mortgage company who would work with us. Then he contacted the realtor to get a showing. We went to look at it after work Friday.

The house is smaller than we thought, but has enough space. It was built in the 30’s so it has character and beautiful woodwork. There are gorgeous hardwood floors throughout!!! The kitchen and bath and a half have linoleum. Two of the bedrooms have huge walk-in closets. There’s an entry closet, a closet in the smallest bedroom, a linen closet downstairs and a linen closet upstairs! The kitchen is smallish, but efficient. And it has good cupboards!!! There’s a 2+ car garage with a full attic and the basement is full, dry, and you can stand up in it!

We were pre-approved by one company through the internet. Then the realtor suggested someone local. Nelson always prefers to work locally when possible so we called her and she’s checking. We learned some interesting things about our bankruptcy and the foreclosure on the house. It’s going to make our payment higher, but the internet guy was able to get everything rolled into the loan: tax, insurance, down payment, and closing costs. Nelson is going to go to the auction and bid. We discussed our limit and will not exceed that. If we get it. great. If not, then there’s something else.

Nelson went to the doctor on Wednesday. He was released to go back to work. He dropped paperwork off at his old boss. If he signs off that there’s no work for Nelson based on his physical limitations then he’ll be free to look for another job. He’s walking a lot more without his cane. He continues to lose weight through the Curves Weight Management Plan—and so do I!

The meeting on Sunday with the nominating committee went well. They asked tough questions and I felt I handled them well. As I thought, though, they chose the candidates from the folks who have been at the church significantly longer than me. The chair of the committee assured me I was a strong nomination and would probably hear from them in the future. I was very honored to have been nominated.

I have assumed a new responsibility through church. I had been writing for the Transformation Journal (www.parkstreetbrethren.org) on a regular basis. Now, I’m going to sort of head that up to help out the volunteer coordinator. Our journal devotions and prompts are based on the scheduled sermon texts. I’ll be dividing those up into daily portions and making sure that the days are covered. Currently, there are three writers for this. I really enjoy the challenge of this project.

Someone asked how singing went on Sunday. It was a blessing. One of the neatest things that came out of it was a piece of mail I received. Our services are broadcast on the local cable channel. This has been a great outreach ministry, both for our shut-ins and to reach folks who don’t attend church anywhere. On Tuesday, I got a card from one of our older ladies who has a degenerative hip disease. She had tatted me a beautiful bookmark and sent a thank you note for my song. I just thought that was so sweet.

Well, it’s time to box the hubs and bearings. Have a glorious Saturday. I’ll be keeping my jacket and umbrella close at hand!

Wonderfull Day!

Well, it started a bit rough. There were problems with the crew at the factory and then some trouble with paperwork. But I determined the world would go on without me.

Nelson and I drove down to Mtown. We strolled through Target first. I found 2 pairs of lightweight sweats to wear to Curves and a pair of dress black pants. I love the clearance racks! The other major purchase was a crock pot. We have a chile cookoff Sunday night at church and Nelson is concockting some kind of entry. I'm sure it will be a winner!

Then we did some grocery shopping at Meijer's. Major purchase there was snacks for Sunday School this weekend and calcium citrate for me. I'm hoping that will stave off the osteoporosus that has been afflicting my mother.

Next was lunch. By this time I was very hungry. We ate at Golden Coral. It was quite challenging to eat smart and healthy, but we both felt good when we were done. The most important thing was that we ate and didn't gorge ourselves.

Then it was a quick to another grocer (Kroger) for Nelson and I shopped next door at Fashion Bug. I guess I'm just a died in the wool Goodwill girl. I just couldn't see spending the high prices there on the tags.

We had to get home so Beth could go to work. After she left, Nelson and I loaded Asher in the car and we drove around town looking at houses for sale. We found about a dozen we're going to check on. We're going to rank them in order of how much we like them and then see what we can even think about affording. We probably won't do anything until after we find out what Nelson will be able to do with work--his appointment with the doctor to discuss the results of his evaluation is this Thursday.

The rest of my day has been playing with Asher. I'm not sure I'm ready to go back to work--but ready or not I'll be there!

Oh, by the way, I called my sister tonight finally. She gets to go back to work tomorrow with just a reprimand in her file. She feels positive about it. She knew I was disappointed--I didn't deny it. She wanted to get together this weekend, but I bowed out of that. Maybe later.

Well, it's nearly bedtime...until later.

All Gone

Well, I shot my wad and then some at Barnes and Noble. First, I decided that I was going to buy Nelson a cookbook. I combed through the bargain books and found one possibility: a Splenda cookbook. There were some good recipes and I liked the way each one broke down the nutritional values. But I knew what I really wanted was a low carb cookbook so I went to the regular stacks.

There were a lot of choices there and no bargains. I called Nelson to see if he would want one. He told me that the card was for me. I told him that I wanted to get him a Sweetest Day gift and this was a way to get us both something "sweet." He really likes some of the recipes and also the humorous what the guy is presenting stuff. It's called "Eating Stella Style" by George Stella. I'm excited about some of the muffins, sauces, and main dishes. Yum!

With the balance of the card I got a workbook based on the writings of Max Lucado. I have one similar to it based on the writings of Henry Blackaby. I'm quite pleased with that find. Then I bought a book called "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I REALLY like his style. I read another book by him "Searching for Who Knows What." It was a gift from a dear blogging friend. This guy writes about his faith journey in a very honest way--not preachy or filled with christianeeze. I hope this one is as good as the last because I have a friend I want to share it with.

As for my sister...she's been getting "headaches" to get out of doing stuff since she was little. Some of you suggested she may have wanted to be alone. You're probably right. If it weren't for me reaching out to her there would be little to no relationship. That's sort of the way my funny little dysfunctional family is. Nelson wishes I would stop. He's tired of seeing me disappointed. I guess I'm jus such an optimist: I keep hoping things will change.

I worked so many hours last week, Dan told me to take a day off this week. Right now I don't have anything on Tuesday. Nelson doesn't think I can not go in. Whatever will I do with a day off during the week? I'm not sure but thinking about it sure makes me smile!!!

I'm singing a solo in church this morning and have my meeting with the nominating committee this afternoon. I'm thankful for the peace I have about both.

Guess it's time to rev up the hot water tank and start the shower parade. TTFN

Saturday

I think my sister is allergic to me. She’s going through a really difficult time at work, and I found out she was going to be alone this weekend (her boys would be visiting their dad this weekend) so I suggested we get together at a fancy-schmancy mall in Columbus to eat and shop.

I worked this morning 6am until noon. We worked hard. I was going to come home, shower, change, and head to Columbus. Just as I left the building I got a voice mail on my cell phone. I listened to it as I pulled out of the lot. It was my sister. She woke up with an earache and just didn’t feel up to getting together.

It is easier to count the number of times that she has come through on something we’ve planned together than all the countless times that she’s cancelled. And it’s always with some kind of ailment: headache, cramps, sore throat, hangnail—okay, maybe that was a minor exaggeration. It has happened so often that I really wonder if she really is allergic to me.

She not only called my cell, she called my home and told Nelson what was going on. He said he’d have me call. I don’t want to call. I don’t want to talk to her. I wish I wasn’t so disappointed. I hate that I let my hopes get up.

I thought about going on down to Columbus by myself, but decided against that and mowed yard instead. It was a good way to get my exercise in and my frustration out. Now that’s done until next spring—according to Nelson.

The sun is shining so nice I may go take a walk in a little bit. Or drive down to Mfield to Barnes and Noble. I’ve got a gift card just burning a hole in my wallet. Nelson says shop. I love that man.

A Little Tired

I’m tired. I worked 10 hours today in the factory. But my body isn’t near as tired as my mind. I had to write one guy up today for careless, unsafe, and opositional behavior. Another guy left work because his stomach hurt. He wouldn’t switch to an easier position. A couple that said they would be there at 6:30 failed to get childcare so they weren’t there. Twice today I just put my head down on the work table and prayed.

The day started out so well. I weighed in. At home the scale said that I’ve lost 43 pounds. I measured at Curves and I lost a total to 5.5 inches and 10 pounds in the past 4 weeks. I was quite excited about that!

I’m still really enjoying my job. It looks like three days a week I’ll be doing work with the two counties. Typically I’ll be in one county Wednesday afternoons and the other on Friday morning. The plan is that I’ll work in the factory on Thursday, but this week I was needed on Tuesday, too. I’ll probably end up working on Saturday, too. Sometimes it’s no fun to be salary. I spent several hours on Wednesday working with people on their resumes. I love helping people see themselves in more positive ways.

I am writing for the church website every week. Our website has a component called the Transformational Journal that follows the Pastor’s scripture passage. I write a couple devotionals for that. I got a little carried away and wrote for the entire next week. I also write the small group study guide. We’ve gotten some good feedback. It’s been a wonderful challenge to have to write this way every week.

Nelson had his evaluation with the outside therapist on Monday and Tuesday. It was five hours each day. Ten hours of torture. There were many things he couldn’t do. As is typical, the evaluator couldn’t tell him how he did—she wasn’t authorized to interpret, only report. He has an appointment next week with the doctor. That’s supposed to be when we learn what he’ll be able or not able to do. Again we wait for the unknown.

Someone from church nominated me for the Leadership board. I was very touched, but I’m sure that I’m way too new and my legal issues are too hot a potato for me to be considered. That’s ok. It was nice to be nominated.

Well, it’s time for snack and game 7 of the NLCS. I’m really looking forward to the World Series. I love sports.

Week 2

It’s Sunday morning. I want to process through last week’s events on the one hand, but realize that my second week is hanging heavy on the horizon.

It was such a good week. Sure, Tuesday afternoon I spent so much time on the phone that I feared a permanent crook in my neck. I was trying to connect with employers in the one county to get them to come to a Workplace Development Program meeting. I left about two dozen messages, and actually talked to about three people. What’s up with that? Our technology may help, but it’s a sad commentary on the state of our relationships.

I started the week out very quietly, shadowing Dan and Bob. I observed and took a lot of notes. By Friday, I was adding to the discussions and presentations. I’ll be an observer this next week, too. Then the following week I’ll be leading on my own. Just writing that stirred the tummy butterflies. Hopefully I’ll be able to tame them a bit this week.

I have a business card. I even had opportunities to hand them out. I didn’t see that ever happening again.

Nelson and I are still following the LGI food plan. He lost 9 pounds! It looks like we finally nudged his metabolism back into action. He’s done with this round of therapy. He has an evaluation next week with an individual from an outside agency. This will determine the next step. We’re going to set up our own little home gym to keep him on the road to recovery.

I feel very scattered. I have started at least 3 other entries and just delete them before posting. I’m not sure why. There just seems to be so much to do and think. And I just haven’t had the time to sit and really process it all. I start to type and someone needs something of me away from the keyboard. Typically it’s Asher—and I just won’t resist his plea for my attention.

After church and lunch:
Church was good. Nelson and I (after some long discussions) decided to start attempting the 11:00 traditional service at church. Nelson is more familiar with the hymns and choruses and it also gives us more time to get Asher ready. It means that I had to quit playing on the worship team—and I’ll miss that, but this seems to be better.

We had our second Sunday of the month lunch with Nelson’s old boss. They called last night and said the group had decided to go to Cici’s Pizza restaurant. I got on line right after the call and looked up the nutritional values of their food. We decided to scrape the pizza fixings off 4 pieces and count it as two pieces. It may sound weird, but it’s the toppings that we really like. So we enjoyed our pizza tops and some salad. I was so wonderfully satisfied that I wasn’t even tempted by their fruit pizza or their typically scrumptious cinny rolls.

Part of the reason I was motivated to be so “good” was that yesterday when I weighed in I was down a couple more pounds. When I started this weight loss push on January 1, I weighed 227. On February 15 I started Nutrisystem and I weighed 224. When I started Curves I was down to 207. When I started the LGI plan with Curves I was at 197. Last Monday I was at 191. This morning when I weighed in I was at 188.5. It feels good…really good. I haven’t lost the weight quickly, so hopefully I’ll be better trained and therefore better able to keep it off.

One of the painfully humorous results of my losing weight happened yesterday. We drove up to Nelson’s folks in Toledo to get the extra car that Nelson drove up last weekend when he went to get my Mountaineer (which I’m still LOVING). I left before him because Asher was getting nap ready. When I was putting Asher in his seat, I slipped off the curb and my foot turned in my shoe and I fell onto the grass and couldn’t get back up. It all happened because my shoes are getting to big. So not only am I needing a new clothing wardrobe, but I’m going to have to buy new shoes. Guess I’ll donate the others to Goodwill.

Well, time for dinner.

First Day

I had a good day. It felt so good.

I started the day by fixing a problem at the factory. I had to fix a couple more later in the day. It’s challenging to fix problems from a distance.

First thing I did when I got to my new work space was move my desk. Then I unpacked a few things (like pics of the grandsweeties) and made the desk more my own.

After Monday morning staff meeting, I went to a county social service agency luncheon meeting. Free lunch! Got to love this. It was an interesting meeting—I love to network.

In the afternoon I met with Dan and Bob to discuss how they lead a class and how I’m going to do it. It’s good and I’m excited.

Then I met with the Citizen Circle committee. I actually enjoyed a committee meeting. Go figure!

Tomorrow I start at 6:30 with devotions for the packaging group and then I have to iron out a few problems and then I’m getting trained on how to do all the paperwork for shipping and receiving. Then, I’m going to try and figure out how to turn on my phone. They got a pay as you go Verizon phone for me. They picked Verizon because Bob and Dan both have them and the plan let’s us call any other Verizon phone free.

Tomorrow night I’m going to go to a conference here in town. It’s Domestic Abuse Awareness Month and the T-Net was asked to have a “booth” there and someone to answer any questions about what we do/offer. Neither Dan, nor Bob can be there so guess who gets to represent the agency on her second full day? Yay!

Right before the Citizen Circle meeting, I called Nelson to see where he was en route to home. He wasn’t too far away. I asked how he liked the car and I think I heard him purring. So far, he’s quite pleased with his purchase. Everything seems to be working. It needs a real good cleaning. I’ve never had leather seats—wonder how that will be in the dead cold of winter? Guess that’s what seat covers are for.

So it was a good day. And it looks like more will be coming.