Thursday:
Well, my nail on my right ring finger is a unique peachy color with a few dark violet streaks. People pay big bucks to have nail art…and all I had to do was be clumsy!
We’re still eating well too. I mowed the yard after things cooled down this evening and when I turned off the mower Nelson came out to the porch with a homemade fruit smoothie. It was beyond luscious!!
Nelson finally has an appointment scheduled for his work rehab/vocational rehab evaluation. This new worker is really on the ball. She scheduled the appointment for the 23rd at the doctor’s office when Nelson has his next appointment so she can access all the doctor’s report and the doctor if she needs to. And now that Nelson has transportation (he’ll drive the Kia and I’ll be driving the truck—Chevy S10) he’ll be able to go to their training.
Update on Rhonda: she came home today. She was thankful to be home and get some rest. She said that last night at 1am the nurse came in to get her vitals and then got upset that there wasn’t a “trash” bag hanging on her bed so she went through all kinds of noise and complaining—seems crazy to me.
And work for me…I’m back supervising packaging. That is when there’s stuff to package. There are several new contracts so I’ll probably be quite busy. The group was doing some very easy packaging so I was working on the hub line and keeping an ear and eye on the packing group. That was a bit of a challenge.
Friday:
I worked packaging all day. My time was split between making cartons and solving problems. I caught an error and was able to smooth things out—it felt really good.
After work I drove up to Rhonda’s with Asher. We spent the night and all day with Rhonda. She was quite happy to have us there on Saturday, as was Steve, so that she didn’t have to be in the house alone while Steve was out mowing their HUGE property. It was such a nice day to just hang out together. She’s doing so well too. She made breakfast and lunch. She rocked Asher to sleep in the afternoon—that was good therapy!
Sunday:
Today Nelson, Beth, Asher and I went to Ann’s. Ann and Travis invited us over for Caden’s dedication at church and then we stayed for lunch (which I brought and made). It was a wonderful afternoon playing with the grandbabies! We left shortly after Annie got home.
I finished a really enjoyable fiction series. It’s written by a Christian author, so it has a definite bent. It’s called “The O’Malley” series. Each of the six books is about one of the seven siblings in a family. They’re mystery, romance, suspense in nature. I really enjoyed the author’s style: it kept me reading and looking forward to the next volume. And now I’m done and I’ll confess: I want more! The surprising thing to me is how much I’ve enjoyed reading fiction. I had gotten so far away from it when I was a student or pastor/counselor and only read things related to work. There just wasn’t time to read for pleasure. It’s been a nice change of pace.
And now it’s time for bed. Time flies. It just flies.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Sunday, June 11, 2006
Update
I talked with Steve. Rhonda has recovered about 90%. She had an MRI and MRA this morning. Tomorrow she's having a TE (don't know what it stands for...come to think of it, I don't know what an MRA is either) to check for a whole in or on her heart. She was born with a heart defect and had open heart surgery as a young child. She had this all checked out last year at the Cleveland Clinic--and they gave her a clean bill. They had her up and walking today, too.
I forgot to let you know about our best buy at a garage sale yesterday. We went to a garage sale and bought a van. It's a 97 Voyager with power everything. We paid $900 for it. We bought it for Beth since she's had a pick up and it's not the best thing for carting around a baby. Her beau has had it this afternoon giving it a tune up and checking it out (he has training from the career center in auto mechanics). He's had to add a few things and found a whole in one of the hoses, but it still seems to have been a good buy!
My fingers are still a little numb, but I think I'll be okay for work tomorrow. They hurt a little this morning when I played my guitar for worship team.
Eating victory! Nelson and I went out to luch with his former boss' family and some other friends. They picked a nearby Steak and Buffet (Golden Corral). Nelson has always had a really big problem with control at a buffet--especially this one! Well, my sweetheart ate healthy and extremely disciplined. In the past he ate and ate so that he would be sure to "get his money's worth." Today, he ate a tiny fraction of what he used to--and so did I!
Well, I think I'm going to read for a while. TTFN
I forgot to let you know about our best buy at a garage sale yesterday. We went to a garage sale and bought a van. It's a 97 Voyager with power everything. We paid $900 for it. We bought it for Beth since she's had a pick up and it's not the best thing for carting around a baby. Her beau has had it this afternoon giving it a tune up and checking it out (he has training from the career center in auto mechanics). He's had to add a few things and found a whole in one of the hoses, but it still seems to have been a good buy!
My fingers are still a little numb, but I think I'll be okay for work tomorrow. They hurt a little this morning when I played my guitar for worship team.
Eating victory! Nelson and I went out to luch with his former boss' family and some other friends. They picked a nearby Steak and Buffet (Golden Corral). Nelson has always had a really big problem with control at a buffet--especially this one! Well, my sweetheart ate healthy and extremely disciplined. In the past he ate and ate so that he would be sure to "get his money's worth." Today, he ate a tiny fraction of what he used to--and so did I!
Well, I think I'm going to read for a while. TTFN
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Stroke
My best friend had a stroke today. I’ve mentioned her, Rhonda. We’ve been friends since college. We roomed together there and together at Cedar Point. She was married to my brother and had my niece and nephew before they were divorced. I’ve been so thankful that in the last couple years we’ve really had the opportunity to reconnect and deepen our friendship.
I got the call this afternoon from one of her friends where she lives, about an hour from me. She had the stroke this morning around 8:30am and was aphasic until after 12:30. They gave her some medication that really helped. I drove to the hospital and spent from 5:45 until 8:15. I was surprised that the ICU nurses let me stay that long, but really quite happy about it, too.
When I walked into her room, we met eyes and both started to cry. She looked the nurse and told her that I was her very best friend in the world. Of course, needing to better that, told the nurse that Rhonda was/is my very best friend in the universe.
We talked about so many things, from college and Cedar Point and lots of things that made us laugh and cry. The thing that broke my heart was when she looked at me and told me that she wasn’t ready to die. We talked about how hard it was to pray right now.
I left when the friend who had called me came back to the hospital.
Then I drove home. I thought the drive to the hospital was tough, but it was nothing compared to driving home. An hour is a long time when there’s a ton of stuff racing through your mind. I kept thinking of people I wanted to contact and make sure that they knew that I loved them. Life is fragile. It is fleeting.
I remember hearing that John Wesley (the man attributed with the founding of the Methodist Church) was asked if he would live any differently if he knew that he only had 24 hours to live. He responded by telling the questioner he would change nothing. And I wondered about what I would change. Would I take the day off? Who would I call? Who would I spend those hours with? What would I be sure to eat? (You had to know there would be food involved!)
When I got home, Nelson was quick to ask me how I was doing. I told him better than Steve (Rhonda’s husband). His first wife died of a heart attack (from an undiagnosed heart condition). His present wife had a stroke. He was a basket case. I thought long about how I would if it had been Nelson.
I just have this urge to hug everyone I love. I thought of several people I’ve lost touch with and how I want to reconnect with them. Good thing I have free long distance minutes.
I got the call this afternoon from one of her friends where she lives, about an hour from me. She had the stroke this morning around 8:30am and was aphasic until after 12:30. They gave her some medication that really helped. I drove to the hospital and spent from 5:45 until 8:15. I was surprised that the ICU nurses let me stay that long, but really quite happy about it, too.
When I walked into her room, we met eyes and both started to cry. She looked the nurse and told her that I was her very best friend in the world. Of course, needing to better that, told the nurse that Rhonda was/is my very best friend in the universe.
We talked about so many things, from college and Cedar Point and lots of things that made us laugh and cry. The thing that broke my heart was when she looked at me and told me that she wasn’t ready to die. We talked about how hard it was to pray right now.
I left when the friend who had called me came back to the hospital.
Then I drove home. I thought the drive to the hospital was tough, but it was nothing compared to driving home. An hour is a long time when there’s a ton of stuff racing through your mind. I kept thinking of people I wanted to contact and make sure that they knew that I loved them. Life is fragile. It is fleeting.
I remember hearing that John Wesley (the man attributed with the founding of the Methodist Church) was asked if he would live any differently if he knew that he only had 24 hours to live. He responded by telling the questioner he would change nothing. And I wondered about what I would change. Would I take the day off? Who would I call? Who would I spend those hours with? What would I be sure to eat? (You had to know there would be food involved!)
When I got home, Nelson was quick to ask me how I was doing. I told him better than Steve (Rhonda’s husband). His first wife died of a heart attack (from an undiagnosed heart condition). His present wife had a stroke. He was a basket case. I thought long about how I would if it had been Nelson.
I just have this urge to hug everyone I love. I thought of several people I’ve lost touch with and how I want to reconnect with them. Good thing I have free long distance minutes.
Easy LIke Saturday Morning
It’s Saturday morning and I am sitting in the beauty and quiet of my living room. I not only survived my excursion into insane babysitting…I did pretty well. Of course it helped that all three of the darlings took a nice long nap at the same time!
A couple months ago, while on one of my shopping sprees at my favorite shop (aka Goodwill) I found a Little Tikes car for Pnel to tool around in while she was here. It was way cool, with a sun roof, doors that opened and closed, and a woody panel down the side. And I only paid $4 for it! I pulled it of the garage for her and she was in toy heaven during the visit. I sat out with her on Wednesday evening and she had a ball. The biggest trouble we had was getting her to come in at bedtime.
Thursday night after they left I had called Beth out to the garage so she could smell the honeysuckle—it’s breathtakingly wonderful! I was also putting Pnels’ car away when I got distracted and caught my fingers in the door. I didn’t break the skin, and fortunately it doesn’t look like I’ll have nasty black and blue blood blisters. My middle finger and ring finger are still a bit numb (makes typing feel kinda funny). Yesterday at work I had to do a job where I could avoid putting pressure on those two fingers.
Nelson has been making some great strides. He cooked dinner all week. It was sooooooo nice! He’s such a good and creative cook. Yesterday after I got home from work he drove to the nearby town and did some more grocery shopping—by himself! I’m very proud of him. Oh, and this week he did something really major. When we lived in Kansas City (87-91), Nelson had a baseball card shop. Over the years he’s been selling it off. A major portion of it went in the bankruptcy auction. Anyway, this week, he sold another sizeable portion, including a chunk of what he had been keeping as his personal collection. It was a sacrifice, but he made it. He’s just an amazing man.
This morning we’re going garage saling. We used to do this a lot. Nelson loves to get a bargain. We’ll probably buy lots for the little ones—that’s the fun part of being a grandparent.
A couple months ago, while on one of my shopping sprees at my favorite shop (aka Goodwill) I found a Little Tikes car for Pnel to tool around in while she was here. It was way cool, with a sun roof, doors that opened and closed, and a woody panel down the side. And I only paid $4 for it! I pulled it of the garage for her and she was in toy heaven during the visit. I sat out with her on Wednesday evening and she had a ball. The biggest trouble we had was getting her to come in at bedtime.
Thursday night after they left I had called Beth out to the garage so she could smell the honeysuckle—it’s breathtakingly wonderful! I was also putting Pnels’ car away when I got distracted and caught my fingers in the door. I didn’t break the skin, and fortunately it doesn’t look like I’ll have nasty black and blue blood blisters. My middle finger and ring finger are still a bit numb (makes typing feel kinda funny). Yesterday at work I had to do a job where I could avoid putting pressure on those two fingers.
Nelson has been making some great strides. He cooked dinner all week. It was sooooooo nice! He’s such a good and creative cook. Yesterday after I got home from work he drove to the nearby town and did some more grocery shopping—by himself! I’m very proud of him. Oh, and this week he did something really major. When we lived in Kansas City (87-91), Nelson had a baseball card shop. Over the years he’s been selling it off. A major portion of it went in the bankruptcy auction. Anyway, this week, he sold another sizeable portion, including a chunk of what he had been keeping as his personal collection. It was a sacrifice, but he made it. He’s just an amazing man.
This morning we’re going garage saling. We used to do this a lot. Nelson loves to get a bargain. We’ll probably buy lots for the little ones—that’s the fun part of being a grandparent.
Easy LIke Saturday Morning
It’s Saturday morning and I am sitting in the beauty and quiet of my living room. I not only survived my excursion into insane babysitting…I did pretty well. Of course it helped that all three of the darlings took a nice long nap at the same time!
A couple months ago, while on one of my shopping sprees at my favorite shop (aka Goodwill) I found a Little Tikes car for Pnel to tool around in while she was here. It was way cool, with a sun roof, doors that opened and closed, and a woody panel down the side. And I only paid $4 for it! I pulled it of the garage for her and she was in toy heaven during the visit. I sat out with her on Wednesday evening and she had a ball. The biggest trouble we had was getting her to come in at bedtime.
Thursday night after they left I had called Beth out to the garage so she could smell the honeysuckle—it’s breathtakingly wonderful! I was also putting Pnels’ car away when I got distracted and caught my fingers in the door. I didn’t break the skin, and fortunately it doesn’t look like I’ll have nasty black and blue blood blisters. My middle finger and ring finger are still a bit numb (makes typing feel kinda funny). Yesterday at work I had to do a job where I could avoid putting pressure on those two fingers.
Nelson has been making some great strides. He cooked dinner all week. It was sooooooo nice! He’s such a good and creative cook. Yesterday after I got home from work he drove to the nearby town and did some more grocery shopping—by himself! I’m very proud of him. Oh, and this week he did something really major. When we lived in Kansas City (87-91), Nelson had a baseball card shop. Over the years he’s been selling it off. A major portion of it went in the bankruptcy auction. Anyway, this week, he sold another sizeable portion, including a chunk of what he had been keeping as his personal collection. It was a sacrifice, but he made it. He’s just an amazing man.
This morning we’re going garage saling. We used to do this a lot. Nelson loves to get a bargain. We’ll probably buy lots for the little ones—that’s the fun part of being a grandparent.
A couple months ago, while on one of my shopping sprees at my favorite shop (aka Goodwill) I found a Little Tikes car for Pnel to tool around in while she was here. It was way cool, with a sun roof, doors that opened and closed, and a woody panel down the side. And I only paid $4 for it! I pulled it of the garage for her and she was in toy heaven during the visit. I sat out with her on Wednesday evening and she had a ball. The biggest trouble we had was getting her to come in at bedtime.
Thursday night after they left I had called Beth out to the garage so she could smell the honeysuckle—it’s breathtakingly wonderful! I was also putting Pnels’ car away when I got distracted and caught my fingers in the door. I didn’t break the skin, and fortunately it doesn’t look like I’ll have nasty black and blue blood blisters. My middle finger and ring finger are still a bit numb (makes typing feel kinda funny). Yesterday at work I had to do a job where I could avoid putting pressure on those two fingers.
Nelson has been making some great strides. He cooked dinner all week. It was sooooooo nice! He’s such a good and creative cook. Yesterday after I got home from work he drove to the nearby town and did some more grocery shopping—by himself! I’m very proud of him. Oh, and this week he did something really major. When we lived in Kansas City (87-91), Nelson had a baseball card shop. Over the years he’s been selling it off. A major portion of it went in the bankruptcy auction. Anyway, this week, he sold another sizeable portion, including a chunk of what he had been keeping as his personal collection. It was a sacrifice, but he made it. He’s just an amazing man.
This morning we’re going garage saling. We used to do this a lot. Nelson loves to get a bargain. We’ll probably buy lots for the little ones—that’s the fun part of being a grandparent.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
A Thank-full Update
After several marathon phone sessions, it appears that Nelson has had his BWC benefits reinstated—at least until July 2. He has some issues to take up with the doctor. It appears that the doctor misrepresented some things in his correspondence with BWC.
I’m back at work. I was afraid that I was going to be sore to the nth degree after being off a week, but so far it’s bearable. We may get to work Saturday, too and that will be a blessing.
I’m so proud of my daughter. (The younger in this case…I’m really quite proud of the both…but I digress) When things were looking tight, and downright bleak financially, Nelson told her that he may need help paying a couple of household bills and she came up with cash to cover the electric and water just like that (snaps fingers) and never even complained. I think she’s actually appreciating living with us. It’s so cool to see them grow up and become responsible. I love watching her with Asher.
And while we’re on the topic of daughters…Annie will be here today with Pnel and Caden. They’re going to be here until tomorrow evening. Nelson suggested I watch all three of the sweeties so he and Annie could have some quality time. I think I may be able to handle that…wonder if I can get a nap in at work?
The quality time will involve grocery shopping. Nelson has been adding activity to his daily routine. Monday evening he and I went to the local grocery and we walked around half of the store. It really exhausted him, but he felt really good about it. He’s been cooking and washing dishes, too. I’m quite proud of him.
Nelson also purchased a few books off ebay’s half.com about the glycemic index and eating low and healthy GI foods. He’s been very conscientious about his diet and appears to have lost a few pounds. And he’s keeping me on track too!
Now, I need to scoot. Hubs and bearings are calling my name! TTFN
I’m back at work. I was afraid that I was going to be sore to the nth degree after being off a week, but so far it’s bearable. We may get to work Saturday, too and that will be a blessing.
I’m so proud of my daughter. (The younger in this case…I’m really quite proud of the both…but I digress) When things were looking tight, and downright bleak financially, Nelson told her that he may need help paying a couple of household bills and she came up with cash to cover the electric and water just like that (snaps fingers) and never even complained. I think she’s actually appreciating living with us. It’s so cool to see them grow up and become responsible. I love watching her with Asher.
And while we’re on the topic of daughters…Annie will be here today with Pnel and Caden. They’re going to be here until tomorrow evening. Nelson suggested I watch all three of the sweeties so he and Annie could have some quality time. I think I may be able to handle that…wonder if I can get a nap in at work?
The quality time will involve grocery shopping. Nelson has been adding activity to his daily routine. Monday evening he and I went to the local grocery and we walked around half of the store. It really exhausted him, but he felt really good about it. He’s been cooking and washing dishes, too. I’m quite proud of him.
Nelson also purchased a few books off ebay’s half.com about the glycemic index and eating low and healthy GI foods. He’s been very conscientious about his diet and appears to have lost a few pounds. And he’s keeping me on track too!
Now, I need to scoot. Hubs and bearings are calling my name! TTFN
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Back Home
Hi! I made it back last night. It was good to sleep on my pillow!
The Scrabble marathon went 34-29-1: I won! Good thing we ended when we did! I was starting to really fall apart. Nelson said I shouldn't beat up on my mom so badly--I said if she even thought that I was not playing all out she'd bop me good and hard right on the head!
This morning for church I did one of my monologues. This one doesn't have the depth of the Peter monologue, but it allowed me to be playful and I really enjoyed "hamming" it up. This one is about the Pentecost Experience.
(Comes in singing and rejoicing)
I know the Lord is always with me. (hmmmmmm)He is right beside me...No wonder my heart is filled with joy.
Oh, I'm sorry, I must look a sight. I just can't help myself. I was down at the river with the others and...Why? At the baptisms , of course. With Peter and the others.
Who's Peter? Oh my, you're not from around here, are you? Travelers? Just a guess. Surely, if you had been here any length of time you would know. But don't feel bad, I was a stranger here myself not long ago.
Micah and I had come to Jerusalem to trade spices. Micah had made the trip many times. I had wanted to see the city. I had begged so many times to come with him. I'm not sure why he finally agreed, but neither of us regret the decision!
Shortly after we had arrived we heard some of the venders in the market talking about a group of believers who had been meeting together. Many rumors had been spreading about them. They just stayed locked up together in this upper room.
The venders told us they followed a teacher who had been crucified. They said he had healed many. They even told how he fed over 5000 people with a couple bread rolls and sardines. While Micah did his business I listened to the stories and moved closer and closer to the room.
Then right on the day of Pentecost, as the believers were gathered singing and praying, there was a noise like nothing I had ever heard...or felt.
But it was more than noise--it was energy: POWER! Micah came right over to me. We saw the people come from the house. It was like they were on fire. For a brief instant I felt fear but then I heard them speaking...in all different languages--even mine!!
Some around us tried to explain it away by saying they were drunk. That's when Peter stood up. I was so drawn in by what he said.
It all began to make sense. I had heard the stories from when I was young. We had made up songs to keep us remembering. Now, no longer were they the songs of children.
Peter's words pierced my heart as he spoke of the death of Jesus. Can you believe from the beginning of time it was God's plan to save me...and you too! His love is that great.
Peter told us to turn from our sins and be baptized THEN we would recieve the Holy Spirit.
You wouldn't have believed the way the crowd surged towards Peter. We were SO tired of feeling powerless. So many headed to the river.
It took a couple of days for us to finally get the river's edge. While we waited, we listened with the others to the teachings. We made so many new and special friends. And the times of prayer!! I could almost feel God pressing his ear in to hear us while at the same time he wrapped his strong arms around us.
So there we were surrounded by new friends, more like family. When I finally knelt beside Peter in the water I was just a flutter of emotions. He put his hand upon my head. I went under the water. It was like the heaviest, darkest blanket of winter was lifted off me. I felt like I could fly! I let out a squeal and spun around making quite a splash.
It's been about a week. I spend everyday down at the river, mostly telling my story to those who are seeking. It has been amazing the way everyone has pooled their resources. We know we will go back home--there's a bit of sadness to leaving our new friends...new family. It's hard to leave when so much is still happening.
But, Micah is right; there are friends and family back home who need to hear this. So we will go. Go, with new found power and praise, new found hope, and with hearts filled with joy!!!
The Scrabble marathon went 34-29-1: I won! Good thing we ended when we did! I was starting to really fall apart. Nelson said I shouldn't beat up on my mom so badly--I said if she even thought that I was not playing all out she'd bop me good and hard right on the head!
This morning for church I did one of my monologues. This one doesn't have the depth of the Peter monologue, but it allowed me to be playful and I really enjoyed "hamming" it up. This one is about the Pentecost Experience.
(Comes in singing and rejoicing)
I know the Lord is always with me. (hmmmmmm)He is right beside me...No wonder my heart is filled with joy.
Oh, I'm sorry, I must look a sight. I just can't help myself. I was down at the river with the others and...Why? At the baptisms , of course. With Peter and the others.
Who's Peter? Oh my, you're not from around here, are you? Travelers? Just a guess. Surely, if you had been here any length of time you would know. But don't feel bad, I was a stranger here myself not long ago.
Micah and I had come to Jerusalem to trade spices. Micah had made the trip many times. I had wanted to see the city. I had begged so many times to come with him. I'm not sure why he finally agreed, but neither of us regret the decision!
Shortly after we had arrived we heard some of the venders in the market talking about a group of believers who had been meeting together. Many rumors had been spreading about them. They just stayed locked up together in this upper room.
The venders told us they followed a teacher who had been crucified. They said he had healed many. They even told how he fed over 5000 people with a couple bread rolls and sardines. While Micah did his business I listened to the stories and moved closer and closer to the room.
Then right on the day of Pentecost, as the believers were gathered singing and praying, there was a noise like nothing I had ever heard...or felt.
But it was more than noise--it was energy: POWER! Micah came right over to me. We saw the people come from the house. It was like they were on fire. For a brief instant I felt fear but then I heard them speaking...in all different languages--even mine!!
Some around us tried to explain it away by saying they were drunk. That's when Peter stood up. I was so drawn in by what he said.
It all began to make sense. I had heard the stories from when I was young. We had made up songs to keep us remembering. Now, no longer were they the songs of children.
Peter's words pierced my heart as he spoke of the death of Jesus. Can you believe from the beginning of time it was God's plan to save me...and you too! His love is that great.
Peter told us to turn from our sins and be baptized THEN we would recieve the Holy Spirit.
You wouldn't have believed the way the crowd surged towards Peter. We were SO tired of feeling powerless. So many headed to the river.
It took a couple of days for us to finally get the river's edge. While we waited, we listened with the others to the teachings. We made so many new and special friends. And the times of prayer!! I could almost feel God pressing his ear in to hear us while at the same time he wrapped his strong arms around us.
So there we were surrounded by new friends, more like family. When I finally knelt beside Peter in the water I was just a flutter of emotions. He put his hand upon my head. I went under the water. It was like the heaviest, darkest blanket of winter was lifted off me. I felt like I could fly! I let out a squeal and spun around making quite a splash.
It's been about a week. I spend everyday down at the river, mostly telling my story to those who are seeking. It has been amazing the way everyone has pooled their resources. We know we will go back home--there's a bit of sadness to leaving our new friends...new family. It's hard to leave when so much is still happening.
But, Micah is right; there are friends and family back home who need to hear this. So we will go. Go, with new found power and praise, new found hope, and with hearts filled with joy!!!
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Waving from AZ!
Well, it's hot...but it's a dry heat.
And it really is green...and the flowers bloomed late this year so I've been enjoying them on my walks.
Mom and I are tied in our Scrabble marathon at 15 games a piece.
I have LOVED walking every morning. This morning I was out hitting the streets at 5:30AM!I've had some really neat revelational thoughts while walking...I'll share them later. They need a little time to germinate!
Take care and I'll catch up more later.
And it really is green...and the flowers bloomed late this year so I've been enjoying them on my walks.
Mom and I are tied in our Scrabble marathon at 15 games a piece.
I have LOVED walking every morning. This morning I was out hitting the streets at 5:30AM!I've had some really neat revelational thoughts while walking...I'll share them later. They need a little time to germinate!
Take care and I'll catch up more later.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Heading out the door...
I made a list...checked it twice. I'm not taking my computer. Just a tablet to write on. Mom already has the Scrabble board out and waiting for me. I'll be spending the next week in sunny Green Valley, Arizona (a wonderful retirement community about 30 miles south of Tucson.) I will get over to my Aunt and Uncle's sometime during the week to check in and update you. But this is truly just a time of relaxing for me. I plan to walk everyday: morning and night. One day we're going to see "Davinci Code"; one day lunch with Auntie; one day Tubac (google it; it's wonderful!!!); and on Friday I'll go with mom to her doctor's appointment.
As for the appointment: here's the scoop. A couple years ago Mom was in Hawaii and hurt her back while sight seeing. The bus hit a bump and she was jarred. Turns out she fractured a vertebrae because she has osteoporosis. She's been taking one of those super-duper pills, but last week she coughed and fractured another. So, next Friday we're going to see a bone doc. My great-grandmother also had ostoeporosis. I drink a yogart smoothie every day, have a container of yogart and drink at least one glass of milk. I'm going to get a bone density done when I'm 50. And so should you! Lecture done.
So have a great week...I plan to. Happy tiles to you!
As for the appointment: here's the scoop. A couple years ago Mom was in Hawaii and hurt her back while sight seeing. The bus hit a bump and she was jarred. Turns out she fractured a vertebrae because she has osteoporosis. She's been taking one of those super-duper pills, but last week she coughed and fractured another. So, next Friday we're going to see a bone doc. My great-grandmother also had ostoeporosis. I drink a yogart smoothie every day, have a container of yogart and drink at least one glass of milk. I'm going to get a bone density done when I'm 50. And so should you! Lecture done.
So have a great week...I plan to. Happy tiles to you!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Staring at Despair
I wonder if every time Peter faced a test if he questioned whether it was all related back to his failure with Jesus? What do you do with tests of faith, or tests that seem directed right at your character?
I was thinking about that today while I was working. This financial set back feels like a test. Sunday morning at church we knew that we were going to be challenged to consider a Faith Promise commitment to support our missionaries in Mexico. Nelson and I talked about it and felt that we wanted to work more on being consistent with our tithe and offerings. But as we sat in church we both felt led to commit a substantial amount. He filled out the card and I beamed at the spiritual sensitivity and leadership of this wonderful man I married. Then Monday BWC called and stated they were canceling Nelson’s benefits.
So I was wondering: how fast do your tests come at you? To test your resolve? To test your commitment? To test…you?
Mine seem to come fast and furious. And as I was working there on the stud press machine this morning I feel like I stared despair in the face. It seemed so unfair that our desire was to give and in a blink our resources were chopped down. I had too much time in my head. Everything began to look bleak and then black.
So I looked up despair:
To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.
A state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly.
That pretty much sums it up. Nothing looks like it’s going to improve for Nelson. Due to this accident he has become morbidly obese limiting even further the limitations of his ability to be mobile. Watching him is literally breaking my heart. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong.
As I stood there putting bolts in hubs, I thought more about Peter and more about the conversation I had that got me dreaming again. My hands hurt, but my heart ached more. I love speaking. I love teaching. God gifted me that way. He used me that way. Then I screwed up. I failed a huge, huge test. And it was taken away. But not all of it. The opportunities have been taken away from me, but the desire has only grown. I just want to scream out: “Put me in, Coach!”
The ache of futility bashed against me in tsunami size waves. I knew that the financial reversals were no greater test than this moment of despair. How was I going to deal with this?
In that moment I was reminded of David’s prayer that God would restore the joy of His salvation. I stood at the crossroad of despair that could lead down the path of Judas—to suicide and the Way of hope that leads to life. I understood in that instant how someone could chose to take path of despair. Hope seemed like a lot of work and a lot of work that right then only seemed to be leading to emptiness.
I let the words roll around in my head. I clung to Paul’s admonition to think on these things (Philippians 4:8). And it became clearer and clearer that the joy David prayed for wasn’t a feeling. He wasn’t asking to be happy. Happiness is too dependent upon circumstances. David was crying out, crying out from his shame and despair to be restored to relationship with God. That relationship is the only thing that can bring joy.
I stared at despair today, but I didn’t stay there. I lifted my eyes and headed my feet down the Way of hope. It’s not an easy road. It won’t always make sense in the moment. But it’s the only way I know to go. And if along the way I’m able to use my gifts and talents to bless others and honor God, then that’s enough. It’s a gift and I will be grateful or it.
Some things still seem wrong. I don’t understand all the pieces. But I know, deep in my being, that I only have a limited view of what’s really going on. I’m going to trust that one, trust it every step of the way. I figure that must be the way Peter faced those tests, too.
I was thinking about that today while I was working. This financial set back feels like a test. Sunday morning at church we knew that we were going to be challenged to consider a Faith Promise commitment to support our missionaries in Mexico. Nelson and I talked about it and felt that we wanted to work more on being consistent with our tithe and offerings. But as we sat in church we both felt led to commit a substantial amount. He filled out the card and I beamed at the spiritual sensitivity and leadership of this wonderful man I married. Then Monday BWC called and stated they were canceling Nelson’s benefits.
So I was wondering: how fast do your tests come at you? To test your resolve? To test your commitment? To test…you?
Mine seem to come fast and furious. And as I was working there on the stud press machine this morning I feel like I stared despair in the face. It seemed so unfair that our desire was to give and in a blink our resources were chopped down. I had too much time in my head. Everything began to look bleak and then black.
So I looked up despair:
To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.
A state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly.
That pretty much sums it up. Nothing looks like it’s going to improve for Nelson. Due to this accident he has become morbidly obese limiting even further the limitations of his ability to be mobile. Watching him is literally breaking my heart. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong.
As I stood there putting bolts in hubs, I thought more about Peter and more about the conversation I had that got me dreaming again. My hands hurt, but my heart ached more. I love speaking. I love teaching. God gifted me that way. He used me that way. Then I screwed up. I failed a huge, huge test. And it was taken away. But not all of it. The opportunities have been taken away from me, but the desire has only grown. I just want to scream out: “Put me in, Coach!”
The ache of futility bashed against me in tsunami size waves. I knew that the financial reversals were no greater test than this moment of despair. How was I going to deal with this?
In that moment I was reminded of David’s prayer that God would restore the joy of His salvation. I stood at the crossroad of despair that could lead down the path of Judas—to suicide and the Way of hope that leads to life. I understood in that instant how someone could chose to take path of despair. Hope seemed like a lot of work and a lot of work that right then only seemed to be leading to emptiness.
I let the words roll around in my head. I clung to Paul’s admonition to think on these things (Philippians 4:8). And it became clearer and clearer that the joy David prayed for wasn’t a feeling. He wasn’t asking to be happy. Happiness is too dependent upon circumstances. David was crying out, crying out from his shame and despair to be restored to relationship with God. That relationship is the only thing that can bring joy.
I stared at despair today, but I didn’t stay there. I lifted my eyes and headed my feet down the Way of hope. It’s not an easy road. It won’t always make sense in the moment. But it’s the only way I know to go. And if along the way I’m able to use my gifts and talents to bless others and honor God, then that’s enough. It’s a gift and I will be grateful or it.
Some things still seem wrong. I don’t understand all the pieces. But I know, deep in my being, that I only have a limited view of what’s really going on. I’m going to trust that one, trust it every step of the way. I figure that must be the way Peter faced those tests, too.
Monday, May 22, 2006
The Week in Review
Such a day it’s been. No wait…such a week. I’ve been working on an assembly line where we’re making a part we’ve made before, for a company that we’ve made it for, but it’s a new contract and they’re requiring a 100% check. That has required several more people on the line. The first day we did 613 in 5hrs; the second day we did 866; and on Saturday (yes, overtime) we did 1086. Today in 6.5 hours we did 977 and then to finish the day we switched over to a different part. I’ve got lots of new bruises, but I slowly becoming less sore and achy.
I’m continuing to eat well and I feel good. I got a new pair of walking sneakers. Now, I’ve had good tennis shoes before, but these are specifically made for walking. What a wonderful difference. I decided to take a walk after dinner. I was probably only out for a 30 minutes. No soreness. No blisters. And the best part is that I bought them dirt cheap on ebay!!!
I’ve had the opportunity to begin dreaming again. I want to believe that something has been brewing and that there’s something more than exciting on the horizon. I want to hope. I’ve been contacted by someone who has a vision and I may be a part of that. It’s an opportunity to use my gifts, my talents, my training, and my experience. Hope is so fragile. Dreams are so tenuous. Does it make any sense that I am so afraid?
I leave for my Mom’s on Saturday and will be staying to the following Saturday. That is if I get my travel permit from my PO. She hasn’t been able to get her supervisor to fax it back to her. Hopefully it’ll be ready by Thursday. That’s when I’m supposed to pick it up. These are the days I find so stressful. I purchased a ticket nearly a month ago. And if this supervisor gets a whim that I shouldn’t go then I’m just out the cash. I had hoped so much to be off paper (completed community control) by the next time I went to Mom’s. That isn’t going to happen. I don’t believe that I’ll be getting off early at all so this will continue until at least next February.
And then there’s the continuing saga of Nelson vs. the BWC and Doctor. Today Nelson hit a new low. His worker from BWC called and informed him that since there has been no action on his case all his benefits are going to be terminated. He’s been calling almost daily to try and get this thing resolved, but the doctor isn’t in or doesn’t return his calls and then there’s all the hassles of trying to get a hold of the people at BWC. He’s been through at least four case managers. And now, with no resolution, no disability, no rehab he’s just going to be cut off? He can’t walk—there’s no way he’s going to work. We can’t afford a lawyer. It’s as if someone tied a millstone around his neck. I’ve been sitting here trying to pray and I don’t even know how.
Some week, huh?
I’m continuing to eat well and I feel good. I got a new pair of walking sneakers. Now, I’ve had good tennis shoes before, but these are specifically made for walking. What a wonderful difference. I decided to take a walk after dinner. I was probably only out for a 30 minutes. No soreness. No blisters. And the best part is that I bought them dirt cheap on ebay!!!
I’ve had the opportunity to begin dreaming again. I want to believe that something has been brewing and that there’s something more than exciting on the horizon. I want to hope. I’ve been contacted by someone who has a vision and I may be a part of that. It’s an opportunity to use my gifts, my talents, my training, and my experience. Hope is so fragile. Dreams are so tenuous. Does it make any sense that I am so afraid?
I leave for my Mom’s on Saturday and will be staying to the following Saturday. That is if I get my travel permit from my PO. She hasn’t been able to get her supervisor to fax it back to her. Hopefully it’ll be ready by Thursday. That’s when I’m supposed to pick it up. These are the days I find so stressful. I purchased a ticket nearly a month ago. And if this supervisor gets a whim that I shouldn’t go then I’m just out the cash. I had hoped so much to be off paper (completed community control) by the next time I went to Mom’s. That isn’t going to happen. I don’t believe that I’ll be getting off early at all so this will continue until at least next February.
And then there’s the continuing saga of Nelson vs. the BWC and Doctor. Today Nelson hit a new low. His worker from BWC called and informed him that since there has been no action on his case all his benefits are going to be terminated. He’s been calling almost daily to try and get this thing resolved, but the doctor isn’t in or doesn’t return his calls and then there’s all the hassles of trying to get a hold of the people at BWC. He’s been through at least four case managers. And now, with no resolution, no disability, no rehab he’s just going to be cut off? He can’t walk—there’s no way he’s going to work. We can’t afford a lawyer. It’s as if someone tied a millstone around his neck. I’ve been sitting here trying to pray and I don’t even know how.
Some week, huh?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Humming!
My neighborhood is humming. I added to the humming after work. It’s humming because the sun is actually shining!!! When I got home I walked in the front door, I emptied my lunch box, immediately changed to my mowing shoes, and walked out the back door to the garage to get the mower. My Mothers’ Day gift worked wonderfully!!! I got the yard mowed in less than a half hour.
While I was mowing there were five other people around me mowing. Since I finished I think three more have mowed their lawns.
Weight Loss Update: I started eating according to the Nutrisystem plan on February 16. Since then I have lost 21 pounds. Since the beginning of this year I have lost 24! I’m feeling good about that. I would have like to be farther down, but losing it slowly generally means it’ll stay off. That’s my plan. I’d like to lose 28 more pounds. That’s not unreasonable and definitely maintainable. It should be easier with summer here. I love walking. I drink lots more water and my appetite generally dips way down. I’m going to make the most of all that and hopefully reach my goal by September 1.
And now that supper is done, I’m catching up on some Scrabble boards ( I love online Scrabble as much as face to face! I can play with lots of different folks—sometimes as many as 15 games at a time). Guess what I just heard? Thunder! Guess there were a few sighs of relief around my neighborhood!
I had to giggle at myself yesterday. I was working the stud press. It’s sort of become my job and I’m getting faster and faster at it. (So much so that two people told me to slow down today!) I was also having to feed the machine and do some scrubbing. I was running back and forth, so much so that I had worked up quite a sweat. (I should probably interject that I push myself extra hard, walk very fast, and just plain move like a woman on a mission--I only have one speed: full steam ahead!) I felt myself start to grumble (you know the kind when you're starting to feel sorry for yourself...), but then it dawned on me that if I kept up that pace it was going to be a great day of exercise! At least three more times I found myself reframing situations like that. And each time I would giggle at myself. Good thing that very few people walk by me—I’d hate to have to explain why I’m laughing at myself!
Here’s to laughter—it’s sweet, sweet medicine!
While I was mowing there were five other people around me mowing. Since I finished I think three more have mowed their lawns.
Weight Loss Update: I started eating according to the Nutrisystem plan on February 16. Since then I have lost 21 pounds. Since the beginning of this year I have lost 24! I’m feeling good about that. I would have like to be farther down, but losing it slowly generally means it’ll stay off. That’s my plan. I’d like to lose 28 more pounds. That’s not unreasonable and definitely maintainable. It should be easier with summer here. I love walking. I drink lots more water and my appetite generally dips way down. I’m going to make the most of all that and hopefully reach my goal by September 1.
And now that supper is done, I’m catching up on some Scrabble boards ( I love online Scrabble as much as face to face! I can play with lots of different folks—sometimes as many as 15 games at a time). Guess what I just heard? Thunder! Guess there were a few sighs of relief around my neighborhood!
I had to giggle at myself yesterday. I was working the stud press. It’s sort of become my job and I’m getting faster and faster at it. (So much so that two people told me to slow down today!) I was also having to feed the machine and do some scrubbing. I was running back and forth, so much so that I had worked up quite a sweat. (I should probably interject that I push myself extra hard, walk very fast, and just plain move like a woman on a mission--I only have one speed: full steam ahead!) I felt myself start to grumble (you know the kind when you're starting to feel sorry for yourself...), but then it dawned on me that if I kept up that pace it was going to be a great day of exercise! At least three more times I found myself reframing situations like that. And each time I would giggle at myself. Good thing that very few people walk by me—I’d hate to have to explain why I’m laughing at myself!
Here’s to laughter—it’s sweet, sweet medicine!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Happy Day To Me!
Happy Mothers’ Day!
What a sweet day it has been. I presented my monologue in all three services. When I sent Pastor a copy earlier in the week, he responded by telling me that it was “right on.” I felt good about that. The presentations went smoothly.
Baby Asher was dedicated at the 8:30 service. It was such a blessing and he was so amazingly cute---and well-behaved. Beth had gotten him an outfit from Baby Gap, so he was quite stylish in his baby cargo pants, yellow T-shirt (aka onesie) and argyle sweater vest. I teared up during the service, thinking about my baby dedicating her baby.
We got a coupon in the mail yesterday for Chipotle Grill. I’ve wanted to try it so because we got such a good coupon we did! The first amazing thing occurred when we told them that it was our first time there—they comped our meal!!! All we paid for was our drinks. So all three of us (Beth, Nelson, and I) ate for $4.50! The next amazing thing was how scrumptious our meal was. Oh, my!
When we were done Nelson told me to run by GFS (General Food Services) and get my next gift: a three pound tub of Chicken Salad—one of my most favorite foods. They were on sale!! So good. Then we drove over to Dairy Queen where Nelson bought Beth and I an ice cream Mothers’ Day cake. I’m so stuffed, that I don’t think that I eat any more today!
Now I’m just sitting here trying to unwind, but also thinking about my next monologue. I’ll be writing and presenting something for Pentecost Sunday. That gives me a couple weeks.
I got lots of positive feedback. After the first service a woman came up to me and asked if I had any training or experience that made it easier for me to get up front and do that kind of thing. I smiled. Just 20 years of pastoral experience, lots of drama experience, three master’s degrees…She was so surprised. She had no idea of my background. I let her know that that platform was where I was most comfortable on earth. Good news is that I get to do at least two more.
Well, that’s enough for now. Going to put my feet up for a bit. Need to rest up before work tomorrow. Here’s to sunshiny Sundays and Hershey Kiss hugs!
What a sweet day it has been. I presented my monologue in all three services. When I sent Pastor a copy earlier in the week, he responded by telling me that it was “right on.” I felt good about that. The presentations went smoothly.
Baby Asher was dedicated at the 8:30 service. It was such a blessing and he was so amazingly cute---and well-behaved. Beth had gotten him an outfit from Baby Gap, so he was quite stylish in his baby cargo pants, yellow T-shirt (aka onesie) and argyle sweater vest. I teared up during the service, thinking about my baby dedicating her baby.
We got a coupon in the mail yesterday for Chipotle Grill. I’ve wanted to try it so because we got such a good coupon we did! The first amazing thing occurred when we told them that it was our first time there—they comped our meal!!! All we paid for was our drinks. So all three of us (Beth, Nelson, and I) ate for $4.50! The next amazing thing was how scrumptious our meal was. Oh, my!
When we were done Nelson told me to run by GFS (General Food Services) and get my next gift: a three pound tub of Chicken Salad—one of my most favorite foods. They were on sale!! So good. Then we drove over to Dairy Queen where Nelson bought Beth and I an ice cream Mothers’ Day cake. I’m so stuffed, that I don’t think that I eat any more today!
Now I’m just sitting here trying to unwind, but also thinking about my next monologue. I’ll be writing and presenting something for Pentecost Sunday. That gives me a couple weeks.
I got lots of positive feedback. After the first service a woman came up to me and asked if I had any training or experience that made it easier for me to get up front and do that kind of thing. I smiled. Just 20 years of pastoral experience, lots of drama experience, three master’s degrees…She was so surprised. She had no idea of my background. I let her know that that platform was where I was most comfortable on earth. Good news is that I get to do at least two more.
Well, that’s enough for now. Going to put my feet up for a bit. Need to rest up before work tomorrow. Here’s to sunshiny Sundays and Hershey Kiss hugs!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Restored
Here's my monologue for next Sunday, based on the restoration of Peter (John 21:15-17). I've sent it to Pastor...hopefully it will fit with where he's heading.
How will you be remembered?
Do you have any idea what is like to be know for the one thing you’ve done wrong?
Thomas forever will be called the doubter.
Moses was the stuttering Hebrew who killed the Egyptian, but became the man of faith who led God’s thankless people to the Promised Land.
King David was the adulterer, the murderer, the bad dad who became known as the man after God’s own heart.
His Psalm holds the key to the transition: restore to me the joy of my salvation.Restore…to give back the original condition. Jesus did that for me.
There we were on the shore, eating fish. We didn’t think it was going to happen. We had pretty much given up. We had gone back to our old ways. Fishing, after all, was what we knew. What we were made for.
But there over breakfast, Jesus reminded us that he had more in mind.
I sat just outside the group. Surely, he really couldn’t mean to include me. Not after what I had done. Not after what I had said. The lies, the cursing, cutting off that man’s ear. I really thought I had meant that I would follow him anywhere. But that was all gone now.
It was one thing to come back to the guys. No, it wasn’t easy. They could have turned me away…if they had I probably would have ended up dead like Judas. But they let me back into their circle. I never expected that Jesus would. I knew I had gone too far…certainly he couldn’t use me.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation. David’s heart was no more for you than mine, God. No more than mine. But I deserve to be out here.
I sat for a bit in my solitude, doing a pretty good job of beating myself up. When suddenly, but quietly I realized that Jesus was sitting beside me. I could barely look at him. Was he going to scold me, like he did when we fell asleep in the garden, or when we couldn’t cast out the demons. My faith was so small. I wanted to reach out but my shame consumed me.
“Peter, do you love me, more than these.” His words held me in their tenderness. I couldn’t help myself, I was like a parched man at a fresh spring lapping up the life. “Yes, Lord, you know I do.” I would leave them in a second to be back in relationship with you. Sure I needed their acceptance, but not like I needed that of the Lord’s. “Then feed my lambs.”
“Simon, son of John, do you love me.” What was he asking? Son of John, that’s who I am. Do I
love you more than myself? “Yes Lord, I love you.” And again, “Then feed my sheep.”Then he asked me again. What wasn’t I getting? Why did this seem so hard? I wanted to give him the right answer. “Do you love me?” You know everything already, Lord. You don’t need to ask.
Wait, the right answer isn’t for you is it, Jesus? What are you saying that I need to hear?
Do you love me? Not, “are you sorry for what you did, for what you said, how you acted?” Those things were cluttering my mind, not his. He asked if I loved him, not because he needed to know—but because I needed to know. I needed to be redirected. Restored.
Then, just as he did years before he looked deep into my eyes and told me, “Follow me.”
He knew my heart was true. He knew I was easily distracted; how terribly easy it is for me to get my eyes on others. He wanted me to live in my love for him and to serve him out of that same love. He wanted me to follow him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.
This moment wasn’t just about making me feel better. He was drawing me back. Back into service. I wasn’t going to be about fishing anymore. There were flocks to feed. There was work to be done. I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and get to it.
I’m restored to serve him. That’s what I want to be remembered for, but if you must remember the failure, go ahead. Just be sure that you see he still was willing to use me. Me and my love for him.
How will you be remembered?
Do you have any idea what is like to be know for the one thing you’ve done wrong?
Thomas forever will be called the doubter.
Moses was the stuttering Hebrew who killed the Egyptian, but became the man of faith who led God’s thankless people to the Promised Land.
King David was the adulterer, the murderer, the bad dad who became known as the man after God’s own heart.
His Psalm holds the key to the transition: restore to me the joy of my salvation.Restore…to give back the original condition. Jesus did that for me.
There we were on the shore, eating fish. We didn’t think it was going to happen. We had pretty much given up. We had gone back to our old ways. Fishing, after all, was what we knew. What we were made for.
But there over breakfast, Jesus reminded us that he had more in mind.
I sat just outside the group. Surely, he really couldn’t mean to include me. Not after what I had done. Not after what I had said. The lies, the cursing, cutting off that man’s ear. I really thought I had meant that I would follow him anywhere. But that was all gone now.
It was one thing to come back to the guys. No, it wasn’t easy. They could have turned me away…if they had I probably would have ended up dead like Judas. But they let me back into their circle. I never expected that Jesus would. I knew I had gone too far…certainly he couldn’t use me.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation. David’s heart was no more for you than mine, God. No more than mine. But I deserve to be out here.
I sat for a bit in my solitude, doing a pretty good job of beating myself up. When suddenly, but quietly I realized that Jesus was sitting beside me. I could barely look at him. Was he going to scold me, like he did when we fell asleep in the garden, or when we couldn’t cast out the demons. My faith was so small. I wanted to reach out but my shame consumed me.
“Peter, do you love me, more than these.” His words held me in their tenderness. I couldn’t help myself, I was like a parched man at a fresh spring lapping up the life. “Yes, Lord, you know I do.” I would leave them in a second to be back in relationship with you. Sure I needed their acceptance, but not like I needed that of the Lord’s. “Then feed my lambs.”
“Simon, son of John, do you love me.” What was he asking? Son of John, that’s who I am. Do I
love you more than myself? “Yes Lord, I love you.” And again, “Then feed my sheep.”Then he asked me again. What wasn’t I getting? Why did this seem so hard? I wanted to give him the right answer. “Do you love me?” You know everything already, Lord. You don’t need to ask.
Wait, the right answer isn’t for you is it, Jesus? What are you saying that I need to hear?
Do you love me? Not, “are you sorry for what you did, for what you said, how you acted?” Those things were cluttering my mind, not his. He asked if I loved him, not because he needed to know—but because I needed to know. I needed to be redirected. Restored.
Then, just as he did years before he looked deep into my eyes and told me, “Follow me.”
He knew my heart was true. He knew I was easily distracted; how terribly easy it is for me to get my eyes on others. He wanted me to live in my love for him and to serve him out of that same love. He wanted me to follow him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.
This moment wasn’t just about making me feel better. He was drawing me back. Back into service. I wasn’t going to be about fishing anymore. There were flocks to feed. There was work to be done. I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and get to it.
I’m restored to serve him. That’s what I want to be remembered for, but if you must remember the failure, go ahead. Just be sure that you see he still was willing to use me. Me and my love for him.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Greasy, Grimy
I started an entry a couple days ago. Revised it yesterday morning. It just sounded like a bad email about what’s been happening in my life. It wasn’t really “poor me” but it wasn’t much better.
Here are the high points:
-Wednesday was a hard day (physically) at work for me and also for Nelson (Asher wanted to do his shrilly scream all day) so we got a way and went for Mexican for dinner.
-Thursday Nelson decided to go buy a new lawn mower (because Wednesday evening it would start).
-Friday Beth mowed the yard with the new mower. Guess she decided not to let me have the maiden voyage like she did with the washer and dryer (lol).
-The lawn mower is my Mother’s Day present. (giggles to herself, since her birthday present was the washer and dryer)
Yesterday at work I got so greasy dirty that I wasn’t sure I’d come clean. Our company purchased (as is) 5 machines from a company in Tennessee. The ‘as is’ was that that they were completely greasy, grimy messes and in many pieces. I jumped in with the power sprayer and not only got totally greasy and gross, but also soaked. You know you’re a mess (and quite comical) when someone at work threatens to get a camera to take a picture, but then when you get home your husband does.
It was dirty work but it was fun in a weird sort of way. I’m going to do the same thing on Monday. So Friday I spent about 4 hours steam cleaning and I’ll be doing at least the same. That’s eight plus hours in a steam room. This should be good for my skin or weight or something shouldn’t it?
Right now I’m at Annie’s. I got here last night. It was so fun to play with Penelope. She’s jabbering away. Caden is growing so quickly. Today we’re going garage saling in her little town—the whole community has their sales on the same day. And then this afternoon we’re going to a Victorian tea at her church. She’s quite excited to have me see her new church and meet some of her new friends. It just makes my heart smile.
Here are the high points:
-Wednesday was a hard day (physically) at work for me and also for Nelson (Asher wanted to do his shrilly scream all day) so we got a way and went for Mexican for dinner.
-Thursday Nelson decided to go buy a new lawn mower (because Wednesday evening it would start).
-Friday Beth mowed the yard with the new mower. Guess she decided not to let me have the maiden voyage like she did with the washer and dryer (lol).
-The lawn mower is my Mother’s Day present. (giggles to herself, since her birthday present was the washer and dryer)
Yesterday at work I got so greasy dirty that I wasn’t sure I’d come clean. Our company purchased (as is) 5 machines from a company in Tennessee. The ‘as is’ was that that they were completely greasy, grimy messes and in many pieces. I jumped in with the power sprayer and not only got totally greasy and gross, but also soaked. You know you’re a mess (and quite comical) when someone at work threatens to get a camera to take a picture, but then when you get home your husband does.
It was dirty work but it was fun in a weird sort of way. I’m going to do the same thing on Monday. So Friday I spent about 4 hours steam cleaning and I’ll be doing at least the same. That’s eight plus hours in a steam room. This should be good for my skin or weight or something shouldn’t it?
Right now I’m at Annie’s. I got here last night. It was so fun to play with Penelope. She’s jabbering away. Caden is growing so quickly. Today we’re going garage saling in her little town—the whole community has their sales on the same day. And then this afternoon we’re going to a Victorian tea at her church. She’s quite excited to have me see her new church and meet some of her new friends. It just makes my heart smile.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Listening
As I said in my previous post, I was totally buoyed and saturated. The theme for the conference was “Contagious Joy.” I caught that for sure. But what else?
Going to conferences is typically very difficult for me. I am a public speaker, a communicator. I have great difficulty staying focused, so I speak to others with that in mind. I work hard to read an audience to be sure that they’re with me. And I get a lot of positive feedback when I speak and teach.
I guess that is why I am having such a hard time these days. I’m not doing and even farther from being who my gifts make me. And some days, I just don’t have enough hope to see it ever happening again. I’m not trying to beat a dead horse—this is just the battle of my heart.
So I sat in this conference, fully believing that it was no accident that I was there; open to anything that would speak to me and my situation. I heard a lot—some of it I even wrote down.
Interestingly, on Thursday morning someone walked up to me at the factory and asked me how I was—simple question. Their next question was: what would you like to be doing? This guy knows my story, knows where I’ve been, knows what I’ve been, and knows what I would like to be doing. He then went on to describe a possible scenario and how I might fit into it—and be able to utilize my gifts and abilities. There definitely was an appeal, but reality came thudding back into my mind—nothing is probably going to come of this.
One thought that was oft repeated came from Patsy Claremont. She kept admonishing us to be willing to take the next step. Now, I have believed that I am always ready for the next step—when I know what it is and have been able to carefully research it. I don’t think I would have been at the front of the line there at the Jordan River “ready” to get my toes wet. For those of you less familiar with the story: that’s how the children of Israel got into the Promised Land. They stood there on the bank. The river was rushing by, full and fast. Got told them to get on over. It wasn’t until they stepped into the water that it parted, enabling them to cross.
So this morning I’m awake at 4:00. I’m on cleaning detail at work. We have worked far ahead on orders and there isn’t any manufacturing work to do. Monday I buffed the break room floor and did some data entry. Yesterday I scrubbed a machine—I have the bruises and skinned knee to prove I really got into the task. I’m feeling sort of superfluous. Lay-offs are a distinct possibility and because D is now trained in my old job and quite good at a few more than me, I feel that I’m a pretty prime target for the old pink slip.
I’m trying to prepare myself for this. I’m trying to be okay with it. I’m not doing very well. Being unnecessary isn’t easy for me. What’s the next step in all this? I’m going to go in and pack up all my personal belongings to bring home. But then what?
Yesterday I met with the director of volunteers at church. She’s looking for someone to do some writing of study guides for small group leaders. The guides flow with the text for the message on Sunday. I’m very interested in this. I would have more time to write if I wasn’t scrubbing big machines. Does a lay-off free me up to write more? Is that the next step?
My ducks are not in a row. In fact, they’re running willy-nilly everywhere. Oddly, I’m not scrambling to pull them all in. I’m sort of just sitting still and watching them run. They’re awfully cute out there just playing. Getting comfortable and okay with not controlling everything just isn’t easy.
So that’s where I am. It feels a bit like nowhere. I like that word. It’s not only “no where”, it’s also “now here.” And I guess that’s where I am: present but not certain of what that means or where that is. But here. Looking. Listening. Ready to take the next step.
Going to conferences is typically very difficult for me. I am a public speaker, a communicator. I have great difficulty staying focused, so I speak to others with that in mind. I work hard to read an audience to be sure that they’re with me. And I get a lot of positive feedback when I speak and teach.
I guess that is why I am having such a hard time these days. I’m not doing and even farther from being who my gifts make me. And some days, I just don’t have enough hope to see it ever happening again. I’m not trying to beat a dead horse—this is just the battle of my heart.
So I sat in this conference, fully believing that it was no accident that I was there; open to anything that would speak to me and my situation. I heard a lot—some of it I even wrote down.
Interestingly, on Thursday morning someone walked up to me at the factory and asked me how I was—simple question. Their next question was: what would you like to be doing? This guy knows my story, knows where I’ve been, knows what I’ve been, and knows what I would like to be doing. He then went on to describe a possible scenario and how I might fit into it—and be able to utilize my gifts and abilities. There definitely was an appeal, but reality came thudding back into my mind—nothing is probably going to come of this.
One thought that was oft repeated came from Patsy Claremont. She kept admonishing us to be willing to take the next step. Now, I have believed that I am always ready for the next step—when I know what it is and have been able to carefully research it. I don’t think I would have been at the front of the line there at the Jordan River “ready” to get my toes wet. For those of you less familiar with the story: that’s how the children of Israel got into the Promised Land. They stood there on the bank. The river was rushing by, full and fast. Got told them to get on over. It wasn’t until they stepped into the water that it parted, enabling them to cross.
So this morning I’m awake at 4:00. I’m on cleaning detail at work. We have worked far ahead on orders and there isn’t any manufacturing work to do. Monday I buffed the break room floor and did some data entry. Yesterday I scrubbed a machine—I have the bruises and skinned knee to prove I really got into the task. I’m feeling sort of superfluous. Lay-offs are a distinct possibility and because D is now trained in my old job and quite good at a few more than me, I feel that I’m a pretty prime target for the old pink slip.
I’m trying to prepare myself for this. I’m trying to be okay with it. I’m not doing very well. Being unnecessary isn’t easy for me. What’s the next step in all this? I’m going to go in and pack up all my personal belongings to bring home. But then what?
Yesterday I met with the director of volunteers at church. She’s looking for someone to do some writing of study guides for small group leaders. The guides flow with the text for the message on Sunday. I’m very interested in this. I would have more time to write if I wasn’t scrubbing big machines. Does a lay-off free me up to write more? Is that the next step?
My ducks are not in a row. In fact, they’re running willy-nilly everywhere. Oddly, I’m not scrambling to pull them all in. I’m sort of just sitting still and watching them run. They’re awfully cute out there just playing. Getting comfortable and okay with not controlling everything just isn’t easy.
So that’s where I am. It feels a bit like nowhere. I like that word. It’s not only “no where”, it’s also “now here.” And I guess that’s where I am: present but not certain of what that means or where that is. But here. Looking. Listening. Ready to take the next step.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Joy-filled
The week was going by as it typically would: I was working hard, feeling physically exhausted and bruised all over. On Wednesday, I mentioned to our receptionist that I wished I had known who was going to the Women of Faith conference from our Sunday School class because I would have really enjoyed that.
Well, it turns out that one of the group had seriously injured her foot and would not be going. I told her to find out how much it was going to cost and maybe I would be able to go. Next thing I knew, she came to me and told me that everything was covered and they wanted me to go. It was no problem getting the day off since we’re ahead on orders.
So we left for Columbus after work on Thursday. All day Friday we attended at pre-conference session where Patsy Claremont was the main speaker and Sandi Patty did some of the speaking and all of the music. It was awesome!!!
Friday night and all day Saturday was the main conference. The speakers and the music were awesome. We were totally saturated and abundantly blessed.
We ate such good food. Thursday we ate at a place called Hoggies and it was some of the best barbque—mmmmm! Then for dinner on Friday we ate at a place just outside of Nationwide Arena called Boca di beppo—Italian! They serve the food family style. We got a really yummy spinach salad, spaghetti with meat sauce, and manicotti. That was the bestest manicotti I’ve ever had—it just melted in my mouth!
But even better than the food was the fellowship. I don’t think that I’ve ever felt more immediately accepted and included in an already existing group. We laughed and laughed. It felt so good. My joy meter was running pretty low. And being with these women buoyed my spirit completely.
So today was a real day of rest. I’m still basking in the joyfulness…now if the race would just stop being on a rain delay.
Well, it turns out that one of the group had seriously injured her foot and would not be going. I told her to find out how much it was going to cost and maybe I would be able to go. Next thing I knew, she came to me and told me that everything was covered and they wanted me to go. It was no problem getting the day off since we’re ahead on orders.
So we left for Columbus after work on Thursday. All day Friday we attended at pre-conference session where Patsy Claremont was the main speaker and Sandi Patty did some of the speaking and all of the music. It was awesome!!!
Friday night and all day Saturday was the main conference. The speakers and the music were awesome. We were totally saturated and abundantly blessed.
We ate such good food. Thursday we ate at a place called Hoggies and it was some of the best barbque—mmmmm! Then for dinner on Friday we ate at a place just outside of Nationwide Arena called Boca di beppo—Italian! They serve the food family style. We got a really yummy spinach salad, spaghetti with meat sauce, and manicotti. That was the bestest manicotti I’ve ever had—it just melted in my mouth!
But even better than the food was the fellowship. I don’t think that I’ve ever felt more immediately accepted and included in an already existing group. We laughed and laughed. It felt so good. My joy meter was running pretty low. And being with these women buoyed my spirit completely.
So today was a real day of rest. I’m still basking in the joyfulness…now if the race would just stop being on a rain delay.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Musical Upgrade
I need guidance, suggestions, help, and technological wisdom.
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
Musical Upgrade
I need guidance, suggestions, help, and technological wisdom.
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Purring and Emmaus
It’s been a good day.
I was purring earlier…I’m sure of it. Nelson got the mower running so I mowed the yard. It was getting so long I was going to need a tractor to make the first cutting and some kind of bailer.
Then I made a wonderful fruit salad in the afternoon. We took down the ramp we had put up for Nelson after his accident. And Nelson purchased my ticket for me to go visit my Mom in Arizona. I’m going to leave on May 27 and come home on June 3. That will give us a full week of Scrabble!
Now I’m watching the race and flipping over to catch the score of the baseball game.
I got a call from Pastor a little bit ago and his first question was: How flexible are you? First he asked me to prepare a monologue, then he said we might be able to use it due some other things that were needing to be in the service (I was way okay with that…I know how important it is to be flexible), then he emailed me yesterday and said that we were going to use it. I’m completely flexible.
The thing that is causing the need for all this flexibility has to do with a presentation of a service project. The week before Easter our congregation reached out to a family in our community and did an Extreme Makeover of their home. We called it “Extreme Renewal.” It was an awesome thing. So many people within the congregation and the community gave so much in time, talent, and support. In the service there’s going to be a video presentation and a time for participants to share. That’s the part that may bump the monologue—it’s just next to impossible to figure out who and how many may want to share.
So here’s the plan. We’re going to play the 8:30 service by ear, but it probably isn’t going to happen. The crowd is much smaller in the 9:30 is much smaller so there may be less sharing, but Pastor wasn’t sure. The 11:00 service is much more traditional and the pastor who headed up the project (the paper did a piece on the project and called him “the Ty Pennington of Extreme Renewal) has to head over to the Alternative Worship Time in the other building so he probably won’t take as long. So this service will probably be the one I’ll make the presentation—if I do it at all. Just call me Gumby.
Now here’s the monologue (it’s from Luke 24:13-35 and comes from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife):
What a day. My feet ache. I’m so tired, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.
First, it seemed so hopeless. There was such sadness and confusion among the followers of Jesus. We had such hope. We believed he was the one. But then came the cross. And he was gone.
Then this morning there were strange reports by some of the women. They said they had gone to the tomb and found it empty. It was said that Mary saw Jesus. That he talked to her. Peter reported it too. But it was so hard to understand. Our hearts were so torn…it was just too much. Cleopas said that we should just come home. So we did.
As we walked, we talked. Really I talked and talked. Cleopas says I chatter. I do that sometimes when I’m distressed. I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to know why. Why did the master have to leave us? Why wasn’t he the one to free us? Why did it end this way? Why would the women make up such a story? Why, why, why? There I go again…(deep breath).
So while we were walking and I was talking, this man walked up beside us. It nearly scared me to death. You just don’t do that. These aren’t safe days. And to just interrupt our conversation like he did was rude.
What we couldn’t believe was the question that he asked. What were we talking about? What else? Cleopas’ response was almost as rude as the stranger’s question: have you been sleeping under a rock these last three days? Cleopas told him that we were talking about Jesus, who was a prophet, and whom we had hoped would free us.
Now what came next had a strange tugging at my heart. The stranger became somewhat rude. He called us foolish and used Cleopas’ own word, saying that we were slow to believe all that the prophets had taught. Then he talked us through the scriptures showing us how Jesus truly was the fulfillment of all the promises.
By that time we arrived at the house. Cleopas is so generous; he invited the stranger to stay with us and have something to eat. He wanted to hear more. I did too, but I was tired and we hadn’t been home. I didn’t know what there was to eat.
I put some bread out and a few other things. The stranger took the bread, lifted it to toward heaven and as he blessed it and broke it---we had seen him break the bread that fed the thousands. We had seen him break bread with the disciples…It was Jesus—but just as his name was about to come to our lips---he was gone.
He disappeared. It was Jesus. That’s why my heart was so moved as he talked of the promises. Cleoplas and I stood there for a moment and then we both headed for the door. We ran all the way back to Jerusalem. It was as if we were Elijah running from Mt. Carmel after witnessing the power of God.
When we got there we found the followers. We were so excited to tell them that we had seen Jesus. We had talked with him. The women were right. He had appeared to Peter too.
I felt badly that my despair had kept me from recognizing the Master. As I looked into his eyes all my questions seem to fall with the crumbs as he broke the bread. He walked with us and talked with us. He is alive and he wants us to know that he really did come to set us free.
I was purring earlier…I’m sure of it. Nelson got the mower running so I mowed the yard. It was getting so long I was going to need a tractor to make the first cutting and some kind of bailer.
Then I made a wonderful fruit salad in the afternoon. We took down the ramp we had put up for Nelson after his accident. And Nelson purchased my ticket for me to go visit my Mom in Arizona. I’m going to leave on May 27 and come home on June 3. That will give us a full week of Scrabble!
Now I’m watching the race and flipping over to catch the score of the baseball game.
I got a call from Pastor a little bit ago and his first question was: How flexible are you? First he asked me to prepare a monologue, then he said we might be able to use it due some other things that were needing to be in the service (I was way okay with that…I know how important it is to be flexible), then he emailed me yesterday and said that we were going to use it. I’m completely flexible.
The thing that is causing the need for all this flexibility has to do with a presentation of a service project. The week before Easter our congregation reached out to a family in our community and did an Extreme Makeover of their home. We called it “Extreme Renewal.” It was an awesome thing. So many people within the congregation and the community gave so much in time, talent, and support. In the service there’s going to be a video presentation and a time for participants to share. That’s the part that may bump the monologue—it’s just next to impossible to figure out who and how many may want to share.
So here’s the plan. We’re going to play the 8:30 service by ear, but it probably isn’t going to happen. The crowd is much smaller in the 9:30 is much smaller so there may be less sharing, but Pastor wasn’t sure. The 11:00 service is much more traditional and the pastor who headed up the project (the paper did a piece on the project and called him “the Ty Pennington of Extreme Renewal) has to head over to the Alternative Worship Time in the other building so he probably won’t take as long. So this service will probably be the one I’ll make the presentation—if I do it at all. Just call me Gumby.
Now here’s the monologue (it’s from Luke 24:13-35 and comes from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife):
What a day. My feet ache. I’m so tired, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.
First, it seemed so hopeless. There was such sadness and confusion among the followers of Jesus. We had such hope. We believed he was the one. But then came the cross. And he was gone.
Then this morning there were strange reports by some of the women. They said they had gone to the tomb and found it empty. It was said that Mary saw Jesus. That he talked to her. Peter reported it too. But it was so hard to understand. Our hearts were so torn…it was just too much. Cleopas said that we should just come home. So we did.
As we walked, we talked. Really I talked and talked. Cleopas says I chatter. I do that sometimes when I’m distressed. I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to know why. Why did the master have to leave us? Why wasn’t he the one to free us? Why did it end this way? Why would the women make up such a story? Why, why, why? There I go again…(deep breath).
So while we were walking and I was talking, this man walked up beside us. It nearly scared me to death. You just don’t do that. These aren’t safe days. And to just interrupt our conversation like he did was rude.
What we couldn’t believe was the question that he asked. What were we talking about? What else? Cleopas’ response was almost as rude as the stranger’s question: have you been sleeping under a rock these last three days? Cleopas told him that we were talking about Jesus, who was a prophet, and whom we had hoped would free us.
Now what came next had a strange tugging at my heart. The stranger became somewhat rude. He called us foolish and used Cleopas’ own word, saying that we were slow to believe all that the prophets had taught. Then he talked us through the scriptures showing us how Jesus truly was the fulfillment of all the promises.
By that time we arrived at the house. Cleopas is so generous; he invited the stranger to stay with us and have something to eat. He wanted to hear more. I did too, but I was tired and we hadn’t been home. I didn’t know what there was to eat.
I put some bread out and a few other things. The stranger took the bread, lifted it to toward heaven and as he blessed it and broke it---we had seen him break the bread that fed the thousands. We had seen him break bread with the disciples…It was Jesus—but just as his name was about to come to our lips---he was gone.
He disappeared. It was Jesus. That’s why my heart was so moved as he talked of the promises. Cleoplas and I stood there for a moment and then we both headed for the door. We ran all the way back to Jerusalem. It was as if we were Elijah running from Mt. Carmel after witnessing the power of God.
When we got there we found the followers. We were so excited to tell them that we had seen Jesus. We had talked with him. The women were right. He had appeared to Peter too.
I felt badly that my despair had kept me from recognizing the Master. As I looked into his eyes all my questions seem to fall with the crumbs as he broke the bread. He walked with us and talked with us. He is alive and he wants us to know that he really did come to set us free.
What does your birthdate mean?
Ok, sometimes I do this things for fun. Sometimes there's stuff in them that applies to me. I have never taken one where it was so spot on that I sat there speechless...until now.
Here's what it said:
So here's what blew me away:
1. I'm extremely idealistic.
2. I'm an extrovert that does need to be around others. Though, I am finding that I also like the quiet of being alone.
3. My fixation on changing the world one person at a time was what drew me to Chaplaincy ministry and ultimately was my undoing...I crusade causes and sometimes see people as cause to crusade. Ick.
4. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me that I was easy to talk to or that they had never told that to anyone before. I wouldn't ever need to work again. Sigh.
5. Flexible--hah! I've so often said that I'm so flexible you should call me Gumby.
6. I hate my penchant for the dramatic.
7. What I could tell you about green...oh my!
8. The circle. I could write a book here and probably could. I came to embrace this symbol as a fundamental teaching tool about the balance of life and faith. I teach from it, preach from it, and refer to it all the time.
9. I don't know about September, but I may consider it!
Now here's a weird thing about this: Remeber the guy I work with who was making me crazy and who I finally decided I couldn't work with and wouldn't work for? That guy has the same birthdate as me.
Well, enough of that. The day is already slipping away and I want to suck the life out of every moment! TTFN
Here's what it said:
| Your Birthdate: April 9 |
 Your strength: Your go-with-the-flow flexibility Your weakness: Your flair for the over dramatic Your power color: Pine green Your power symbol: Circle Your power month: September |
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
So here's what blew me away:
1. I'm extremely idealistic.
2. I'm an extrovert that does need to be around others. Though, I am finding that I also like the quiet of being alone.
3. My fixation on changing the world one person at a time was what drew me to Chaplaincy ministry and ultimately was my undoing...I crusade causes and sometimes see people as cause to crusade. Ick.
4. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me that I was easy to talk to or that they had never told that to anyone before. I wouldn't ever need to work again. Sigh.
5. Flexible--hah! I've so often said that I'm so flexible you should call me Gumby.
6. I hate my penchant for the dramatic.
7. What I could tell you about green...oh my!
8. The circle. I could write a book here and probably could. I came to embrace this symbol as a fundamental teaching tool about the balance of life and faith. I teach from it, preach from it, and refer to it all the time.
9. I don't know about September, but I may consider it!
Now here's a weird thing about this: Remeber the guy I work with who was making me crazy and who I finally decided I couldn't work with and wouldn't work for? That guy has the same birthdate as me.
Well, enough of that. The day is already slipping away and I want to suck the life out of every moment! TTFN
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Studdly Do Right
It’s Tuesday and for two days now I’ve been on the stud press machine. I have a few more aches and pains---okay, a lot more. My hands are sore and my right knee is aching quite a bit. But even still, I have a smile. I smile a lot more. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing tomorrow---it’s all an adventure!
I got an email from Pastor and here are the scriptures/themes he’s looking for monologues on:
***April 23 – The Two on the Road to Emmaus – Luke 224:13ff
April 30 – Jesus appears to the disciples and to Thomas – John 20:12-29
May 7 – Jesus with his disciples results in the great catch of fish – John 21:1-14 cf. Luke 5:1-11
***May 14 – Jesus restores Peter – John 21:15-24
***May 21 – Five times the risen Christ presents the Great Commission. Focus on them. This is Faith Promise Sunday.
May 28 – The risen Jesus Ascends into Heaven. Acts 1:1-11
***June 4 – This is Pentecost Sunday, so we’ll do Acts 2 to begin our year long journey through Acts
***June 11 – The continuing presence of the risen Christ in His Church – Rev. 1 (Jesus walking among the “candlesticks”)
I got this email this afternoon and I’ve been giving some thought to which texts I’m going to write on. I think I’m going to work with the ones that I put asterisks beside.
For Sunday, I’m going to do the monologue from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife. The biblical account of the Emmaus encounter with the risen Christ says that he comes upon two disciples and names one, Cleopas. The very fact that they don’t name the other makes me wonder if it might have been his wife---quite often women went nameless. So, she’s going to recount the story. I’ll share it with you when it’s all done.
I have a lot of ideas for Peter. I just want to be sure to get someone who can really present the piece dramatically---aka: not be afraid to cry. Nelson would do so wonderfully, but already told me that he couldn’t see himself hobbling up there.
For the piece on the 5 presentations of the Great Commission, I’m thinking of a reader’s theater—maybe.
Pentacost will be a recounting that comes from a woman in the crowed. And I don’t have a clue about the last one, but I’m sure it will stretch me.
This continues to be an exciting time for me. Maybe you caught that!
I got an email from Pastor and here are the scriptures/themes he’s looking for monologues on:
***April 23 – The Two on the Road to Emmaus – Luke 224:13ff
April 30 – Jesus appears to the disciples and to Thomas – John 20:12-29
May 7 – Jesus with his disciples results in the great catch of fish – John 21:1-14 cf. Luke 5:1-11
***May 14 – Jesus restores Peter – John 21:15-24
***May 21 – Five times the risen Christ presents the Great Commission. Focus on them. This is Faith Promise Sunday.
May 28 – The risen Jesus Ascends into Heaven. Acts 1:1-11
***June 4 – This is Pentecost Sunday, so we’ll do Acts 2 to begin our year long journey through Acts
***June 11 – The continuing presence of the risen Christ in His Church – Rev. 1 (Jesus walking among the “candlesticks”)
I got this email this afternoon and I’ve been giving some thought to which texts I’m going to write on. I think I’m going to work with the ones that I put asterisks beside.
For Sunday, I’m going to do the monologue from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife. The biblical account of the Emmaus encounter with the risen Christ says that he comes upon two disciples and names one, Cleopas. The very fact that they don’t name the other makes me wonder if it might have been his wife---quite often women went nameless. So, she’s going to recount the story. I’ll share it with you when it’s all done.
I have a lot of ideas for Peter. I just want to be sure to get someone who can really present the piece dramatically---aka: not be afraid to cry. Nelson would do so wonderfully, but already told me that he couldn’t see himself hobbling up there.
For the piece on the 5 presentations of the Great Commission, I’m thinking of a reader’s theater—maybe.
Pentacost will be a recounting that comes from a woman in the crowed. And I don’t have a clue about the last one, but I’m sure it will stretch me.
This continues to be an exciting time for me. Maybe you caught that!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
TIme For Change?
In A Welcome Field
He walks the furrowed row of earth scattering his seed,
Working all alone against the dust and the heat,
Looking to the distance and the acres left to sow,
Hoping for a harvest in each handful he throws.
Some will fall along the pathway
Where the root will not take’
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
The Father sows His Word like a farmer sows his seed;
It falls where hearts are hardened and gets choked by the weeds,
In places it will blossom and a crop of life will start
If the seeds of truth are planted deep in the heart.
Some will fall along the pathway,
Where the root will not take;
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
This was a rough week for me at work. Tuesday I wrote about some of my frustration. I deleted the entry because I just felt like a complainer, and I was afraid that the company eavesdropper might be lurking around the corner. Then I couldn’t believe it, but it got worse on Wednesday! I ended up writing a letter to Ed to formerly request a different placement. Then on Thursday and Friday I worked alone.
As much as I enjoy working with the folks in my workspace, there is one thing I definitely like about working alone. I grab my CD player and jam to the music I want to listen to. One of the CD’s I grabbed was a Fernando Ortega. I like his style and stuff.
Above is one of the songs I listened to by Ortega. I was so impressed by the song that I was very close to changing the name of my diary to Welcome Field. I have loved the parable of the soils. I was totally impacted by Godspell’s presentation of the story. I want to be the welcoming and producing soil. I have a lot to work on to make that real—but work I will.
On Thursday I started listening to some Josh Groban and then followed it with a CD I had gotten a while back but not listened to: The Best of Simon and Garfunkle. It was fun to listen to the "old" songs and remember where I was when the first came out (sure made me feel old). But another thing I realized was the strong impact those songs and those words had on my faith and my self-esteem. Wow.
So that had me thinking (especially in light of my Welcome Field thoughts...): what had I been doing to be a welcome field. As much as I enjoyed the trip down Memory Lane, I decided I needed a better musical diet, so I fed my spirit many more hours of praise-full music. And I noticed, quite clearly, a distinct shift in my mood and in my productivitiy--a change clearly for the good.
And on another note...at the end of worship service this morning Pastor came up to me and asked me if I was still interested in writing some monologues to be used as sermon helps. Interested? Abosolutely!!!! So he's going to give me some of the biblical characters that his sermons are going to focus on and I'm going to get busy! I'm so excited. This is going to be fun.
Oh, wait and one more really super thing happened today: one of my mostest favoritest professors taught our Sunday School class. I felt like a learner again. I've missed feeling that way. It's a good attitude to take into my new writing adventure!
How am I going to sleep tonight?
He walks the furrowed row of earth scattering his seed,
Working all alone against the dust and the heat,
Looking to the distance and the acres left to sow,
Hoping for a harvest in each handful he throws.
Some will fall along the pathway
Where the root will not take’
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
The Father sows His Word like a farmer sows his seed;
It falls where hearts are hardened and gets choked by the weeds,
In places it will blossom and a crop of life will start
If the seeds of truth are planted deep in the heart.
Some will fall along the pathway,
Where the root will not take;
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
This was a rough week for me at work. Tuesday I wrote about some of my frustration. I deleted the entry because I just felt like a complainer, and I was afraid that the company eavesdropper might be lurking around the corner. Then I couldn’t believe it, but it got worse on Wednesday! I ended up writing a letter to Ed to formerly request a different placement. Then on Thursday and Friday I worked alone.
As much as I enjoy working with the folks in my workspace, there is one thing I definitely like about working alone. I grab my CD player and jam to the music I want to listen to. One of the CD’s I grabbed was a Fernando Ortega. I like his style and stuff.
Above is one of the songs I listened to by Ortega. I was so impressed by the song that I was very close to changing the name of my diary to Welcome Field. I have loved the parable of the soils. I was totally impacted by Godspell’s presentation of the story. I want to be the welcoming and producing soil. I have a lot to work on to make that real—but work I will.
On Thursday I started listening to some Josh Groban and then followed it with a CD I had gotten a while back but not listened to: The Best of Simon and Garfunkle. It was fun to listen to the "old" songs and remember where I was when the first came out (sure made me feel old). But another thing I realized was the strong impact those songs and those words had on my faith and my self-esteem. Wow.
So that had me thinking (especially in light of my Welcome Field thoughts...): what had I been doing to be a welcome field. As much as I enjoyed the trip down Memory Lane, I decided I needed a better musical diet, so I fed my spirit many more hours of praise-full music. And I noticed, quite clearly, a distinct shift in my mood and in my productivitiy--a change clearly for the good.
And on another note...at the end of worship service this morning Pastor came up to me and asked me if I was still interested in writing some monologues to be used as sermon helps. Interested? Abosolutely!!!! So he's going to give me some of the biblical characters that his sermons are going to focus on and I'm going to get busy! I'm so excited. This is going to be fun.
Oh, wait and one more really super thing happened today: one of my mostest favoritest professors taught our Sunday School class. I felt like a learner again. I've missed feeling that way. It's a good attitude to take into my new writing adventure!
How am I going to sleep tonight?
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Happy Birthday to Me
It’s my birthday. I am 49 today. I started the day off at church. I sang a solo, “Broken and Spilled Out.” It’s the first solo I’ve sung at this new church. It was received well. Three of us in our Sunday School class share this birthday so Nelson and I provided bakery decorated (yummy) cake (one white and chocolate) for our class. I read from Dr. Suess’ “Happy Birthday to You.” It was fun. After class Nelson took me to lunch at Ruby Tuesday. We went there because there was a $5 coupon in the paper yesterday. I had ribs---they were luscious and melted in my mouth…mmmmmmmmmm!
Last week Nelson and I went and purchased a new washer and dryer since ours was barely limping along. This was my birthday present. They’re Maytag, quiet, and wonderful. I’m quite happy. Nelson also bought me a Pooh pendant/locket watch. It’s quite pretty. Beth got me some Glade scented oil candles. They’re so nice. They make me feel pampered. Ann (and the kids) were here this week and she cleaned my refrigerator (quite a needed and awesomely appreciated gift).
Yesterday I went to a rummage sale and got a bag of clothes for $2. I got 6 summer shirts and a faux suede skirt (that I wore to church this morning). I’m wearing my Pooh sweatshirt that has a big 49 on it. It says “Pooh Cuteness.” It fits in many ways!
Now I’m going to relax, watch baseball and the race. This evening, as is our denominations tradition, we will be having a three-fold communion service. It will be my first since joining the church. I’m looking forward to it.
I celebrate life today. I celebrate friends. I celebrate my faith. I celebrate---just because I can! Blessings to you and on you! Hugs and Hershey kisses.
Last week Nelson and I went and purchased a new washer and dryer since ours was barely limping along. This was my birthday present. They’re Maytag, quiet, and wonderful. I’m quite happy. Nelson also bought me a Pooh pendant/locket watch. It’s quite pretty. Beth got me some Glade scented oil candles. They’re so nice. They make me feel pampered. Ann (and the kids) were here this week and she cleaned my refrigerator (quite a needed and awesomely appreciated gift).
Yesterday I went to a rummage sale and got a bag of clothes for $2. I got 6 summer shirts and a faux suede skirt (that I wore to church this morning). I’m wearing my Pooh sweatshirt that has a big 49 on it. It says “Pooh Cuteness.” It fits in many ways!
Now I’m going to relax, watch baseball and the race. This evening, as is our denominations tradition, we will be having a three-fold communion service. It will be my first since joining the church. I’m looking forward to it.
I celebrate life today. I celebrate friends. I celebrate my faith. I celebrate---just because I can! Blessings to you and on you! Hugs and Hershey kisses.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
30+1
Tonight is my 30+1 class reunion. And I feel like such a kid: a bundle up muddle of mixed emotions.
Recently I’ve spent some time looking over photos and annuals. I was trying to remember faces and events. I came away with many smiles, but also with some sadness.
I moved the summer between 8th and 9th grades. I was really just connecting with a lot of people in junior high and was really excited about the transition to high school. Then my dad announced that we were moving. Devastation barely describes the deep of my newly discovered teenage angst.
We moved from a quaint small town to eastern suburb of Columbus, Ohio. It was culture shock, plain and simple. Dad had found a brand new subdivision and bought one of the first homes built. We were now on the out edge of the world so it seemed with no one around us. I had no opportunity to make any friends before school started. I was totally alone and terrified.
I remember those first steps on campus. As I walked toward one of the buildings the cement sidewalk seemed to double in size, or was that just me shrinking in my fright? Providence, in retrospect, clearly had a hand in what happened next for the first connection I made was band.
My peer group for the next four years was located pretty much within the confines of the band and choir. From that pool there was a subset of people that were closely associated with the academic challenge team (In the Know as the program was then called on TV) that I was particularly close to.
Nelson teases me about being boy crazy. For a long time I denied that, but my recent walk down Memory Lane confirms his observation and a few other things I’m not very proud of. I desperately wanted to be loved, but was involved in two types (maybe three) of relationships. In one I was constantly pursuing relationships I couldn’t have, guys that were “too good” for me, weren’t interested, or in one case: bad boys. Then there were the relationships that I took the role of manipulator. I was in control and control I did. The last relationship was one I could have but never felt worthy to have. It was such an on again off again thing. There was deep love and an almost spiritual connection, but I never seemed to be able to sustain it.
Needless to say with all this going on I was labeled quite the flirt. I hurt way too many feelings and garnered a deserved but disdained reputation. I lost most all of my girlfriends over it and couldn’t trust the guys to be really caring about me as a person. I was pretty miserable. I wish I could say things improved when I moved on to college, but it was the same song next verse with an interesting bridge.
There have been many times I have said that there isn’t enough money in the world for me to go back and be a teenager again. I’ve repented of that hasty remark—after all, there’s a lot of good I could do with that money. I’ve also said I’d go back if I could know what I know now. In my reflection this week, I decided I probably did know a lot of what I know now. I would just need to trust it enough to do it.
So I started thinking about the three lessons I would take back with me if I could do it all over again. And I think I came up with a pretty good short list. First, I would put my girlfriends first. I wasted so much energy and heart chasing boys to find some kind of completion and hurt the people who really knew, understood, and loved me unconditionally. Relationships with girlfriends last. Then, I would either tattoo it or get a huge poster and hang it on my wall that I amazingly talented, extraordinary, intelligent, and wise. I never believed I could do anything. I never really got any encouragement to do anything, to be anyone. I thought I was destined to be a runner up. I couldn’t even finish first in a contest of one. I never really applied myself—what was the point? Such an unfair untruth. And finally, I would start to savor the moment much, much earlier. I spent so much time and energy rushing to get ahead, arrive somewhere, that I missed the treasure of the current. I know this because I absolutely love staring into Asher’s face, cooing with him, noticing every change and nuance. I must have done this some with the girls, but not near enough.
Well, it’s time to get ready. I’ll let you know how it goes.
It went wonderfully. We were all showing off pictures of kids and/or grandkids. There was lots less hair and bigger bellies. The old adage that people don’t change was quite true for some—many in fact. And a couple of the guys that I just thought were the hottest things breathing when we were in high school just lost some of that luster over the years. I just made me smile.
One of the best parts of the evening was reconnecting with one of my very dearest friends. We had stayed in touch until 1989 and then life happened. Seeing her was wonderful. We will stay better in touch now.
The other best part was the hug and dance I got from one of my greatest high school sweethearts. He will always own a piece of my heart. What really surprised me was how I melted when he took my hand. Out on the dance floor we swayed to a classic Barry Manilow song, “Looks Like We Made It.” Time vanished and it was 1973 again. My heart is so happy that life is good for him right now.
Bottom line: I almost didn’t go. Our car broke down yesterday. I had a migraine on Friday. I was starting to wonder why so much seemed to be saying not to go? But I’m am so glad I went. I am very, very thankful that a couple people took on this fete and gave us a wonderful evening.
Now we look forward to 2010. The pictures should be quite interesting then!
Recently I’ve spent some time looking over photos and annuals. I was trying to remember faces and events. I came away with many smiles, but also with some sadness.
I moved the summer between 8th and 9th grades. I was really just connecting with a lot of people in junior high and was really excited about the transition to high school. Then my dad announced that we were moving. Devastation barely describes the deep of my newly discovered teenage angst.
We moved from a quaint small town to eastern suburb of Columbus, Ohio. It was culture shock, plain and simple. Dad had found a brand new subdivision and bought one of the first homes built. We were now on the out edge of the world so it seemed with no one around us. I had no opportunity to make any friends before school started. I was totally alone and terrified.
I remember those first steps on campus. As I walked toward one of the buildings the cement sidewalk seemed to double in size, or was that just me shrinking in my fright? Providence, in retrospect, clearly had a hand in what happened next for the first connection I made was band.
My peer group for the next four years was located pretty much within the confines of the band and choir. From that pool there was a subset of people that were closely associated with the academic challenge team (In the Know as the program was then called on TV) that I was particularly close to.
Nelson teases me about being boy crazy. For a long time I denied that, but my recent walk down Memory Lane confirms his observation and a few other things I’m not very proud of. I desperately wanted to be loved, but was involved in two types (maybe three) of relationships. In one I was constantly pursuing relationships I couldn’t have, guys that were “too good” for me, weren’t interested, or in one case: bad boys. Then there were the relationships that I took the role of manipulator. I was in control and control I did. The last relationship was one I could have but never felt worthy to have. It was such an on again off again thing. There was deep love and an almost spiritual connection, but I never seemed to be able to sustain it.
Needless to say with all this going on I was labeled quite the flirt. I hurt way too many feelings and garnered a deserved but disdained reputation. I lost most all of my girlfriends over it and couldn’t trust the guys to be really caring about me as a person. I was pretty miserable. I wish I could say things improved when I moved on to college, but it was the same song next verse with an interesting bridge.
There have been many times I have said that there isn’t enough money in the world for me to go back and be a teenager again. I’ve repented of that hasty remark—after all, there’s a lot of good I could do with that money. I’ve also said I’d go back if I could know what I know now. In my reflection this week, I decided I probably did know a lot of what I know now. I would just need to trust it enough to do it.
So I started thinking about the three lessons I would take back with me if I could do it all over again. And I think I came up with a pretty good short list. First, I would put my girlfriends first. I wasted so much energy and heart chasing boys to find some kind of completion and hurt the people who really knew, understood, and loved me unconditionally. Relationships with girlfriends last. Then, I would either tattoo it or get a huge poster and hang it on my wall that I amazingly talented, extraordinary, intelligent, and wise. I never believed I could do anything. I never really got any encouragement to do anything, to be anyone. I thought I was destined to be a runner up. I couldn’t even finish first in a contest of one. I never really applied myself—what was the point? Such an unfair untruth. And finally, I would start to savor the moment much, much earlier. I spent so much time and energy rushing to get ahead, arrive somewhere, that I missed the treasure of the current. I know this because I absolutely love staring into Asher’s face, cooing with him, noticing every change and nuance. I must have done this some with the girls, but not near enough.
Well, it’s time to get ready. I’ll let you know how it goes.
It went wonderfully. We were all showing off pictures of kids and/or grandkids. There was lots less hair and bigger bellies. The old adage that people don’t change was quite true for some—many in fact. And a couple of the guys that I just thought were the hottest things breathing when we were in high school just lost some of that luster over the years. I just made me smile.
One of the best parts of the evening was reconnecting with one of my very dearest friends. We had stayed in touch until 1989 and then life happened. Seeing her was wonderful. We will stay better in touch now.
The other best part was the hug and dance I got from one of my greatest high school sweethearts. He will always own a piece of my heart. What really surprised me was how I melted when he took my hand. Out on the dance floor we swayed to a classic Barry Manilow song, “Looks Like We Made It.” Time vanished and it was 1973 again. My heart is so happy that life is good for him right now.
Bottom line: I almost didn’t go. Our car broke down yesterday. I had a migraine on Friday. I was starting to wonder why so much seemed to be saying not to go? But I’m am so glad I went. I am very, very thankful that a couple people took on this fete and gave us a wonderful evening.
Now we look forward to 2010. The pictures should be quite interesting then!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Writing Idea
Kick But
This week an idea came to me while I was working out. I think well in the morning and the endorphins must have really been flowing this day.
Anyway, my mind started playing with word pictures. I do this quite often. When I’m walking or driving I’ll just start down this trail chasing thoughts and words, it’s kind of fun really. Some of the ideas would make great devotionals but I tend not to write them down and they just float off never to be shared.
Today, I decided to challenge that pattern and I wrote down what I was thinking! So here’s the way it went:
I set the machine at a more difficult level and was really feeling like it was “kicking my butt.” And that phrase began to trip around my mind.
Kick “but” out of here. Peter in Acts 10, when confronted by his vision responded with “Yes Lord, but…” I have often preached that you can’t do both: He is either Lord or not, there is no room for a “but” in following Him.
Get your butt out of here. From physical temple concept of caring for one’s body. I carry around way to much butt and that’s because I sit on it when I should be exercising it. I eat poorly, wrong food, wrong times, wrong reasons. I am responsible for the shape my shape is in and I am trying to act more responsibly and kick that butt out of here!
Another but out, came as I was thinking about where I stick my nose. Isn’t that a weird one? We stick our nose in someone else’s business and we’re told to butt out. Anyway, I had to think about where I’ve butted in and where I need to stop and how many conversations I don’t need to be a part of.
Put your butt out. Thinking of prayer posture. This thought came to me during a particularly moving praise song. Part of me wanted to stop and just fall prostrate on the floor—but since my time was running (and running out before work) I prostrated myself in my heart and remembered that falling at the feet of God is not such a bad spot to be, and if he spanks my behind while I’m there—I probably deserve it!
So then a couple days later while listening to music and working out another word play came to mind: rain and reign. And then a dim little bulb clicked on in my brain: what about writing these down—you know like in a book. (Novel idea: hahahahaha) I love word plays. I love writing devotionally. I could write a book and call it: Homonyms for the Heart. I liked the idea so much that I even started to do some research on homonyms. There’s quite a list. My mind was racing so fast that my fingers couldn’t keep up.
Anyway, I’m just a little excited about this. Then I got this really cool idea: maybe the people I know have some ideas to share. So if you do email me and I will consider adding your thought to my collection. Now excuse me, I have some research to do!
This week an idea came to me while I was working out. I think well in the morning and the endorphins must have really been flowing this day.
Anyway, my mind started playing with word pictures. I do this quite often. When I’m walking or driving I’ll just start down this trail chasing thoughts and words, it’s kind of fun really. Some of the ideas would make great devotionals but I tend not to write them down and they just float off never to be shared.
Today, I decided to challenge that pattern and I wrote down what I was thinking! So here’s the way it went:
I set the machine at a more difficult level and was really feeling like it was “kicking my butt.” And that phrase began to trip around my mind.
Kick “but” out of here. Peter in Acts 10, when confronted by his vision responded with “Yes Lord, but…” I have often preached that you can’t do both: He is either Lord or not, there is no room for a “but” in following Him.
Get your butt out of here. From physical temple concept of caring for one’s body. I carry around way to much butt and that’s because I sit on it when I should be exercising it. I eat poorly, wrong food, wrong times, wrong reasons. I am responsible for the shape my shape is in and I am trying to act more responsibly and kick that butt out of here!
Another but out, came as I was thinking about where I stick my nose. Isn’t that a weird one? We stick our nose in someone else’s business and we’re told to butt out. Anyway, I had to think about where I’ve butted in and where I need to stop and how many conversations I don’t need to be a part of.
Put your butt out. Thinking of prayer posture. This thought came to me during a particularly moving praise song. Part of me wanted to stop and just fall prostrate on the floor—but since my time was running (and running out before work) I prostrated myself in my heart and remembered that falling at the feet of God is not such a bad spot to be, and if he spanks my behind while I’m there—I probably deserve it!
So then a couple days later while listening to music and working out another word play came to mind: rain and reign. And then a dim little bulb clicked on in my brain: what about writing these down—you know like in a book. (Novel idea: hahahahaha) I love word plays. I love writing devotionally. I could write a book and call it: Homonyms for the Heart. I liked the idea so much that I even started to do some research on homonyms. There’s quite a list. My mind was racing so fast that my fingers couldn’t keep up.
Anyway, I’m just a little excited about this. Then I got this really cool idea: maybe the people I know have some ideas to share. So if you do email me and I will consider adding your thought to my collection. Now excuse me, I have some research to do!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Round About
Friday I got up early and went in to work. I worked out for 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I really liked the machine—I felt like I got a wonderful workout and nothing hurt (like knees or hips).
Saturday I walked in the afternoon. I just took off out of the house and 50 minutes later I got home. It was such a beautiful day I just kept walking. My feet didn’t even hurt!
I rested from exercise on Sunday.
This morning I got up and went in for another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still like it.
I was thinking when I was walking on Saturday. I do that sometimes. I learned that one of my closest friends from High School is a professor of cardiology at the University of Michigan. Another friend is an associate professor and associate dean at the University of Connecticut. Another is Director of the Northern Illinois University School of Music.
When I learned these things, my first thoughts were sad and regret-filled. Imagine that. Then my thoughts took a turn. Instead of continuing down Bemoaning Avenue, I headed straight towards Gratitudeville.
Instead of dwelling on what isn’t or what might have been, I began to consider what I had done. I’ve taught at three seminaries, amongst a whole list of other accomplishments. I was a pastor/chaplain/counselor for a total of 21 years and I was good at what I did. I don’t mean that arrogantly, but I have worked hard on being able to own that. One of the most powerful things ever said about me was said by my chaplain supervisor when he said (in an evaluation) that I was “good for people.”
I may never know who’s life I touched at the right time in the right way because I chose to be faithful in spite of the “smallness” of the assignment. I may be only making hoses right now, but I may not see why I am here doing what I am doing, I have to believe that there is purpose and continued plans for me.
On the tale end of that whole set of thinkings came a thought that sort of tickled me. The core issue is widely debated in theological circles—a debate I chose to stay out of for many reasons, the main one being I think we use a whole lot of time (not necessarily to be confused with waste) debating that could be used to creatively bring us together rather than drive us apart.
Anyway…here’s the thought: If it was ordained (or pre-ordained) that I should be ordained, was it ordained that I become un-ordained? And if so why? And trust me, the question is rhetorical. I’m not looking for an answer. And I’ll tell you why: I’ll stand with Job on this one: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. It’s not my place to argue, or even understand. However, whenever he wants to use me I’m there and I’ll try not to muck it up too badly this time.
Well, I fell asleep last night while writing this one. I’m still trying to get up at 4:30 and that’s hard when the shows I like are on at 9 and 10. Getting up early has definitely curbed my TV viewing time.
So I’m off to the elliptical…see you around…..
Saturday I walked in the afternoon. I just took off out of the house and 50 minutes later I got home. It was such a beautiful day I just kept walking. My feet didn’t even hurt!
I rested from exercise on Sunday.
This morning I got up and went in for another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still like it.
I was thinking when I was walking on Saturday. I do that sometimes. I learned that one of my closest friends from High School is a professor of cardiology at the University of Michigan. Another friend is an associate professor and associate dean at the University of Connecticut. Another is Director of the Northern Illinois University School of Music.
When I learned these things, my first thoughts were sad and regret-filled. Imagine that. Then my thoughts took a turn. Instead of continuing down Bemoaning Avenue, I headed straight towards Gratitudeville.
Instead of dwelling on what isn’t or what might have been, I began to consider what I had done. I’ve taught at three seminaries, amongst a whole list of other accomplishments. I was a pastor/chaplain/counselor for a total of 21 years and I was good at what I did. I don’t mean that arrogantly, but I have worked hard on being able to own that. One of the most powerful things ever said about me was said by my chaplain supervisor when he said (in an evaluation) that I was “good for people.”
I may never know who’s life I touched at the right time in the right way because I chose to be faithful in spite of the “smallness” of the assignment. I may be only making hoses right now, but I may not see why I am here doing what I am doing, I have to believe that there is purpose and continued plans for me.
On the tale end of that whole set of thinkings came a thought that sort of tickled me. The core issue is widely debated in theological circles—a debate I chose to stay out of for many reasons, the main one being I think we use a whole lot of time (not necessarily to be confused with waste) debating that could be used to creatively bring us together rather than drive us apart.
Anyway…here’s the thought: If it was ordained (or pre-ordained) that I should be ordained, was it ordained that I become un-ordained? And if so why? And trust me, the question is rhetorical. I’m not looking for an answer. And I’ll tell you why: I’ll stand with Job on this one: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. It’s not my place to argue, or even understand. However, whenever he wants to use me I’m there and I’ll try not to muck it up too badly this time.
Well, I fell asleep last night while writing this one. I’m still trying to get up at 4:30 and that’s hard when the shows I like are on at 9 and 10. Getting up early has definitely curbed my TV viewing time.
So I’m off to the elliptical…see you around…..
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Early Rising
Day One
3:57AM
That's what the clock said when I woke up this morning.
I had been dreaming about running water...never something to be ignored--especially at my age!
At first I groaned.
Then I got up and colored my hair.
Then I did the rest of my morning routine and got to my work place at 6:28.
I put on my headset and listened to the music for this coming Sunday's service and walked really hard for 25 minutes.
I feel good. Real good!
Day Two
Okay, not awake quite as early, but bame it on American Idol.
Got to work a little earlier and got a full 30 minutes of walking in. It felt good--really good this morning. I work tennis shoes instead of my work (steel toes) shoes. At one point the coolest thing happened. I was listening to a worship song and just really got into the praising and it felt like I was walking on my toes. I was dancing, no it was lighter than that--it was like soaring. It was like a wonderful softness lifted my heart and I was lifted above some of the weightiness of recent days, or months. What a super blessed moment!
I noticed that my pants felt loser. I know that I haven't lost any more weight (as of this morning I'm still at nine pounds down), but perhaps things are shifting around a little. And that's all good!
Now I'm heading off to bed. I stayed up to watch the Idol results and switched over to Criminal Minds on a commercial. Before I realized it Idol was over. Guess I'll check out the results in the morning. Right now I'm just going to turn off the light and catch some serious zzzzzzzzzzzz.
3:57AM
That's what the clock said when I woke up this morning.
I had been dreaming about running water...never something to be ignored--especially at my age!
At first I groaned.
Then I got up and colored my hair.
Then I did the rest of my morning routine and got to my work place at 6:28.
I put on my headset and listened to the music for this coming Sunday's service and walked really hard for 25 minutes.
I feel good. Real good!
Day Two
Okay, not awake quite as early, but bame it on American Idol.
Got to work a little earlier and got a full 30 minutes of walking in. It felt good--really good this morning. I work tennis shoes instead of my work (steel toes) shoes. At one point the coolest thing happened. I was listening to a worship song and just really got into the praising and it felt like I was walking on my toes. I was dancing, no it was lighter than that--it was like soaring. It was like a wonderful softness lifted my heart and I was lifted above some of the weightiness of recent days, or months. What a super blessed moment!
I noticed that my pants felt loser. I know that I haven't lost any more weight (as of this morning I'm still at nine pounds down), but perhaps things are shifting around a little. And that's all good!
Now I'm heading off to bed. I stayed up to watch the Idol results and switched over to Criminal Minds on a commercial. Before I realized it Idol was over. Guess I'll check out the results in the morning. Right now I'm just going to turn off the light and catch some serious zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Good Day
That was too much fun to be considered work.
This morning the music went very well in the first service. Even the part where I accompanied the worship team solo!
Then I had the blessing of joining our fellowship. It was an exciting moment for me. At one point I looked up and caught the eye of my favorite prof. He smiled such an approving smile. It was a sweet moment.
Then it was time to teach the Sunday School class. Magical. Energy zapping. It was so wonderful. Each time I have an opportunity to speak/teach/preach I draw from this bottomless pit of energy. I hit the floor running. This group was so easy to teach. They were with me from the git-go. And then, when it was over there were sooooooooo many strokes and soooooo much encouragement. Prof came up to me and complimented me. The owner of our company came to me and told me it was a good job. Several people asked if/when I was going to teach a quarter. Nelson told me that it blessed him, too. He loves to hear me speak.
After class we came home, nabbed the baby, and went to lunch at Applebees. Little Asher is definitely an Applebaby. All the servers and managers stopped by the table, many took a few moments to hold him and love on him. It’s so sweet.
And now I’ve got my feet up and am enjoying a cup’o coffee and resting before the race. It’s definitely been a good day!
This morning the music went very well in the first service. Even the part where I accompanied the worship team solo!
Then I had the blessing of joining our fellowship. It was an exciting moment for me. At one point I looked up and caught the eye of my favorite prof. He smiled such an approving smile. It was a sweet moment.
Then it was time to teach the Sunday School class. Magical. Energy zapping. It was so wonderful. Each time I have an opportunity to speak/teach/preach I draw from this bottomless pit of energy. I hit the floor running. This group was so easy to teach. They were with me from the git-go. And then, when it was over there were sooooooooo many strokes and soooooo much encouragement. Prof came up to me and complimented me. The owner of our company came to me and told me it was a good job. Several people asked if/when I was going to teach a quarter. Nelson told me that it blessed him, too. He loves to hear me speak.
After class we came home, nabbed the baby, and went to lunch at Applebees. Little Asher is definitely an Applebaby. All the servers and managers stopped by the table, many took a few moments to hold him and love on him. It’s so sweet.
And now I’ve got my feet up and am enjoying a cup’o coffee and resting before the race. It’s definitely been a good day!
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Roller Coaster
Please keep hands and feet inside the ride at all times! (Can you tell I worked at an amusement park?)
It has seemed like a bit of a roller coaster this week. Just an update of sorts on Nelson: work conditioning is back on. Nelson had an appointment with the PA at the surgeon on Friday. He watched Nelson walk. He prescribed a cane and told him to get rid of the crutch. And even with what the report from the 2nd opinion doc and the physical therapist, the PA went the route of the surgeon.
Let’s see if I can describe this so you can picture it: when you walk you roll from toe to heel and your knee bends in the process (take a couple steps and see what I mean). Nelson hasn’t got the ability to bend his toes up like that and therefore his knee doesn’t bend. The left foot is sort of stationary and the weight goes down on the outside of his foot. So he takes a step with the right leg/foot and there’s a hop/step with the left. This process is painful for the left side, but we think it’s exactly how his back went out: his right side has to totally overcompensate. What fun is this?
Work had some really good moments this week for me. I got at least a cursory inventory completed so that I know what’s on my shelves—and what’s not. The down side was that I really messed up on the first big order I did. I missed some things, just completely overlooked them. They also said I forgot some other stuff, and I just don’t see how. I felt pretty bad for what I know I did wrong. I’ve already implemented tools to keep this kind of thing from happening again.
But bigger than work, something sort of major occurred. I have been in contact with the district office of the Church of the Nazarene where my credentials were being held while I was under discipline. Before we moved here, I had been working with them to resign my credentials. The issue had been presented to the District Advisory Board and they approved the request. The request was to be presented by the District Superintendent to the General Board in Kansas City. He didn’t do it. Twice. I stopped pursuing the matter until February when I began the process for joining the church we are now attending. That’s when I learned nothing had been done.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with the District Superintendent directly. I was able to connect with the District Secretary who made several calls. It turned out that the new manual of the Church of the Nazarene went into affect on March 1, 2006. The new procedure doesn’t require that the Board of General Superintendents address these matters. The responsibility falls back on the District Advisory Boards—and fall it did. So since they had voted unanimously to recommend my resignation, this was accepted.
So I am no longer clergy. I am laity. I’ve been functioning that way since Oct. 2001, but now it’s official. It’s good to have that be official and over, but I must confess I feel sad. And now, like Nelson, I wonder what lies out there for me.
I do know this: tomorrow morning I’m going to teach our Sunday School class. There are 60 in the class on average. Two of my most favorite professors are there. My supervisor and the owner of the company. One of my co-workers and the office assistant. And all the rest of those folks. I need to finish my presentation so I should probably jet out of here for now.
Wait for the ride to come to a complete stop before exiting the car. Thanks for riding with us!
It has seemed like a bit of a roller coaster this week. Just an update of sorts on Nelson: work conditioning is back on. Nelson had an appointment with the PA at the surgeon on Friday. He watched Nelson walk. He prescribed a cane and told him to get rid of the crutch. And even with what the report from the 2nd opinion doc and the physical therapist, the PA went the route of the surgeon.
Let’s see if I can describe this so you can picture it: when you walk you roll from toe to heel and your knee bends in the process (take a couple steps and see what I mean). Nelson hasn’t got the ability to bend his toes up like that and therefore his knee doesn’t bend. The left foot is sort of stationary and the weight goes down on the outside of his foot. So he takes a step with the right leg/foot and there’s a hop/step with the left. This process is painful for the left side, but we think it’s exactly how his back went out: his right side has to totally overcompensate. What fun is this?
Work had some really good moments this week for me. I got at least a cursory inventory completed so that I know what’s on my shelves—and what’s not. The down side was that I really messed up on the first big order I did. I missed some things, just completely overlooked them. They also said I forgot some other stuff, and I just don’t see how. I felt pretty bad for what I know I did wrong. I’ve already implemented tools to keep this kind of thing from happening again.
But bigger than work, something sort of major occurred. I have been in contact with the district office of the Church of the Nazarene where my credentials were being held while I was under discipline. Before we moved here, I had been working with them to resign my credentials. The issue had been presented to the District Advisory Board and they approved the request. The request was to be presented by the District Superintendent to the General Board in Kansas City. He didn’t do it. Twice. I stopped pursuing the matter until February when I began the process for joining the church we are now attending. That’s when I learned nothing had been done.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with the District Superintendent directly. I was able to connect with the District Secretary who made several calls. It turned out that the new manual of the Church of the Nazarene went into affect on March 1, 2006. The new procedure doesn’t require that the Board of General Superintendents address these matters. The responsibility falls back on the District Advisory Boards—and fall it did. So since they had voted unanimously to recommend my resignation, this was accepted.
So I am no longer clergy. I am laity. I’ve been functioning that way since Oct. 2001, but now it’s official. It’s good to have that be official and over, but I must confess I feel sad. And now, like Nelson, I wonder what lies out there for me.
I do know this: tomorrow morning I’m going to teach our Sunday School class. There are 60 in the class on average. Two of my most favorite professors are there. My supervisor and the owner of the company. One of my co-workers and the office assistant. And all the rest of those folks. I need to finish my presentation so I should probably jet out of here for now.
Wait for the ride to come to a complete stop before exiting the car. Thanks for riding with us!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Medical Update
Nelson is resting right now. He’s exhausted from all the walking. He thanks you for your prayers—and so do I!
He spent 45 minutes with the second opinion doctor. First, this doctor said he probably would have done the same thing as the ER doctor: pass the case off to Dr. K (Nelson’s surgeon). Dr. K is quite well know and respected.
He did a lot to check Nelson’s mobility and examined the x-rays quite closely. He had read and was familiar with the recommendations of the physical therapist and rehab director.
He felt that Nelson may actually take up to 2 years to fully rehab and during that time he might want to consider taking college classes or vocational training to prepare for the probability that he won’t be able to return to construction work. He also said that Nelson does need rehab/PT, though not work conditioning at this time, to strengthen his whole leg and improve his ability to walk—without the crutch.
Nelson was able to ask some question and got a lot more information in that 45 minutes than he has since last June. This new doctor pointed out that Nelson’s pulse was good in his left foot, that hair was growing—which indicates good circulation. When Nelson asked about the horrible dryness (that just defies all lotions) of his foot, the doctor said that the problem is related to the extreme trauma that the foot/ankle endured and it will take quite a while to improve.
The doctor asked about the possibility of light duty work with Nelson’s former employer. Nelson had checked on this before the visit and was told that the there was not much hope of that, and definitely not on a regular basis. So, I’m not sure what we’re going to do financially for the next couple years. But it looks like Beth will have someone to watch Asher.
The next step is an appointment on Friday with the assistant to the surgeon and then a PT session. But how we will proceed will be the decision of Workers’ Comp based on the report from the second doc.
So nothing is definite, but it feels good that we were heard and have a few more answers.
He spent 45 minutes with the second opinion doctor. First, this doctor said he probably would have done the same thing as the ER doctor: pass the case off to Dr. K (Nelson’s surgeon). Dr. K is quite well know and respected.
He did a lot to check Nelson’s mobility and examined the x-rays quite closely. He had read and was familiar with the recommendations of the physical therapist and rehab director.
He felt that Nelson may actually take up to 2 years to fully rehab and during that time he might want to consider taking college classes or vocational training to prepare for the probability that he won’t be able to return to construction work. He also said that Nelson does need rehab/PT, though not work conditioning at this time, to strengthen his whole leg and improve his ability to walk—without the crutch.
Nelson was able to ask some question and got a lot more information in that 45 minutes than he has since last June. This new doctor pointed out that Nelson’s pulse was good in his left foot, that hair was growing—which indicates good circulation. When Nelson asked about the horrible dryness (that just defies all lotions) of his foot, the doctor said that the problem is related to the extreme trauma that the foot/ankle endured and it will take quite a while to improve.
The doctor asked about the possibility of light duty work with Nelson’s former employer. Nelson had checked on this before the visit and was told that the there was not much hope of that, and definitely not on a regular basis. So, I’m not sure what we’re going to do financially for the next couple years. But it looks like Beth will have someone to watch Asher.
The next step is an appointment on Friday with the assistant to the surgeon and then a PT session. But how we will proceed will be the decision of Workers’ Comp based on the report from the second doc.
So nothing is definite, but it feels good that we were heard and have a few more answers.
A Prayer Request
Today, my husband has to travel to two hospitals and a clinic to retrieve all the x-rays taken of his ankle last summer and subsequent to his surgeries and take them to a new doctor to get a second opinion. The travel isn't easy, but much more difficult (and painful) will be going into each place and getting back to the car. I'm trying not to worry, or even concern myself, but it's hard.
Will you pray for Nelson today for me? Pray for the stamina required to get all the x-rays and get to the new doctor. And please, please pray with me that this new doctor will take seriously our concerns, watch Nelson walk, and make recommendations that we can live and work with.
Thank you.
Will you pray for Nelson today for me? Pray for the stamina required to get all the x-rays and get to the new doctor. And please, please pray with me that this new doctor will take seriously our concerns, watch Nelson walk, and make recommendations that we can live and work with.
Thank you.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Weekly Review
In many respects, this was a better week for me. That’s not to say it was without many challenges, but somehow I handled them better.
Nelson’s back has finally stopped hurting so terribly. That’s not to say that it doesn’t hurt at all, but he can live with the pain once again and not keep moaning. He battled a bit with a cold this week, but it didn’t go full blown on him which is a miracle and quite a blessing! He has been kinder to me also which has also made my responses gentler.
Beth is back to work full swing. Nelson watched Asher three times this week and I had duty (such a burden—ha!) last night and again tomorrow. Beth also did battle with some kind of bug. I think it was partly just about getting back to work. Asher is growing so!! He’s also sleeping for about 5 hours at a time at night.
Sunday night we got a call from Pastor and he asked to meet with Nelson and I on Monday. My first thought was that someone had raised issue with my being there due to my crime and status. That wasn’t exactly the case. Pastor did however wonder if we needed to make the worship team aware since one of the couples’ (the piano player and bass player) children (teenagers) have started helping out in the band. I agreed and on Tuesday before practice I talked to the team leader and then afterward to the wife of the couple. I was nervous and somewhat fearful that sharing the issue might result in my needing to back out of the team. Once again grace paved the way for a receptivity that I wouldn’t have imagined. I am abundantly thankfull.
Thursday was a really rough day at work. D, the gal I trained to take my place in packaging, and I were going to do an inventory in my new area. The more we tried the more ridiculous it seemed and the more frustrated I got. If I had been given some of the things I had been asking for (over and over)—items to help me understand what I was working with and on then it might have been different. I really felt like my hands were tied and I was being asked to turn off my brain. I can’t work that way. The frustration built to where I finally confronted the guy who should have trained me better, who was “withholding” information, and making my job hellacious. I told him I was ready to quit. I told him that when I asked questions I wasn’t questioning his authority, I was just trying to understand so that I could do my job and do it well. If I can’t do a good job, I’m not going to do the job. I think he finally got it. He brought out some really helpful schematics and took some extra time to explain things. I felt so much better about what I learned. What I don’t feel better about is that it is beginning to feel like I have to threaten to quit for him to finally hear me. That piece is going to have to change.
D is the gal that I took to the clinic on Feb. 14. She finished her round of prednizone on Tuesday of this week and immediately proceeded to get sick again. On Thursday after helping me for about an hour she could barely breathe. She was afraid she would lose her job if she had to leave work. I worked with her in talking to Ed about that and she did go home. She called me about an hour after she left and had decided to go to the ER. She spent half the day there. She called me when she finally got home. They gave her 4 breathing treatments and an IV antibiotic and then sent her home. They gave her a diagnosis of COPD. I had to talk with her about what that was and will be getting her more information. My heart just aches for her. She took Friday off and so hopefully she’ll be feeling better on Monday.
Friday night there was a gathering for the women of the church. It was a game night. We were instructed to wear our jammies or comfy clothes. I went with the jammies and donned my Pooh slippers as well! Since it was my night to watch Asher, he came along. He was quite the little man of the hour! The other instruction was to bring a snack to share. Oh, the goodies that were there! I brought my NutriSystem snack and drank my water and was totally satisfied and content. I sat at the mature women table and ended up playing dominos (Chicken Foot—new one to me). It was fun.
And now it’s Saturday. Toilets need to be cleaned. Laundry needs washing. And I think there’s a little money left from last week’s check to get some groceries. TTFN…
Nelson’s back has finally stopped hurting so terribly. That’s not to say that it doesn’t hurt at all, but he can live with the pain once again and not keep moaning. He battled a bit with a cold this week, but it didn’t go full blown on him which is a miracle and quite a blessing! He has been kinder to me also which has also made my responses gentler.
Beth is back to work full swing. Nelson watched Asher three times this week and I had duty (such a burden—ha!) last night and again tomorrow. Beth also did battle with some kind of bug. I think it was partly just about getting back to work. Asher is growing so!! He’s also sleeping for about 5 hours at a time at night.
Sunday night we got a call from Pastor and he asked to meet with Nelson and I on Monday. My first thought was that someone had raised issue with my being there due to my crime and status. That wasn’t exactly the case. Pastor did however wonder if we needed to make the worship team aware since one of the couples’ (the piano player and bass player) children (teenagers) have started helping out in the band. I agreed and on Tuesday before practice I talked to the team leader and then afterward to the wife of the couple. I was nervous and somewhat fearful that sharing the issue might result in my needing to back out of the team. Once again grace paved the way for a receptivity that I wouldn’t have imagined. I am abundantly thankfull.
Thursday was a really rough day at work. D, the gal I trained to take my place in packaging, and I were going to do an inventory in my new area. The more we tried the more ridiculous it seemed and the more frustrated I got. If I had been given some of the things I had been asking for (over and over)—items to help me understand what I was working with and on then it might have been different. I really felt like my hands were tied and I was being asked to turn off my brain. I can’t work that way. The frustration built to where I finally confronted the guy who should have trained me better, who was “withholding” information, and making my job hellacious. I told him I was ready to quit. I told him that when I asked questions I wasn’t questioning his authority, I was just trying to understand so that I could do my job and do it well. If I can’t do a good job, I’m not going to do the job. I think he finally got it. He brought out some really helpful schematics and took some extra time to explain things. I felt so much better about what I learned. What I don’t feel better about is that it is beginning to feel like I have to threaten to quit for him to finally hear me. That piece is going to have to change.
D is the gal that I took to the clinic on Feb. 14. She finished her round of prednizone on Tuesday of this week and immediately proceeded to get sick again. On Thursday after helping me for about an hour she could barely breathe. She was afraid she would lose her job if she had to leave work. I worked with her in talking to Ed about that and she did go home. She called me about an hour after she left and had decided to go to the ER. She spent half the day there. She called me when she finally got home. They gave her 4 breathing treatments and an IV antibiotic and then sent her home. They gave her a diagnosis of COPD. I had to talk with her about what that was and will be getting her more information. My heart just aches for her. She took Friday off and so hopefully she’ll be feeling better on Monday.
Friday night there was a gathering for the women of the church. It was a game night. We were instructed to wear our jammies or comfy clothes. I went with the jammies and donned my Pooh slippers as well! Since it was my night to watch Asher, he came along. He was quite the little man of the hour! The other instruction was to bring a snack to share. Oh, the goodies that were there! I brought my NutriSystem snack and drank my water and was totally satisfied and content. I sat at the mature women table and ended up playing dominos (Chicken Foot—new one to me). It was fun.
And now it’s Saturday. Toilets need to be cleaned. Laundry needs washing. And I think there’s a little money left from last week’s check to get some groceries. TTFN…
Saturday, February 25, 2006
My Week
Such a week.
Monday night I was in full cramp mood and I sighed one too many times and Nelson flew into a verbal tirade (which he continues to feel justified in doing since he has not apologized). He then didn’t talk to me for three days. He finally started speaking on Friday night. And now life continues.
This week in addition to being a verbal recluse (really only speaking to Beth and Penelope when they were visiting this week) he also appeared to be on self-destruct mode. I ended up feeling like a stranger in my own home. His back still hurts terribly. He's asked me to get the name of the on the upswing--it takes a lot for him to take care of himself. There has been an on-going battle with Worker's Comp as well--that turmoil isn't doing his depression any good at all!
Work wasn’t much better. Growing up in an alcoholic home I learned well the art of hyper vigilance. I could just sense that something was going on. And while I’m not at liberty to say (since I’m still not sure who’s reading my blog/diary at work), suffice it to say: I was right. On top of that, and trying to deal with home stuff, and cramps, I just struggled spiritually with being content.
Through it all I’m sticking to the NutriSystem plan. Faithfully and completely. And to my absolute delight, I’ve lost 6.5lbs since the 16th. I like the food. I’m drinking the water. And today I will start walking again. Here’s an example of my faithfulness: Last night our Sunday School class had an event. We met at Pizza Hut for dinner. There were about 35 of us. I made my NS pizza ahead of time, doctored it with mushrooms and crushed red peppers and took it with me. When it came time to order our meal, I ordered a one trip to the salad bar, which I ate the good stuff and left the heavy laden and fat filled food for someone else! Then we met at the nearby seminary and watched a movie (The Notebook—loved it!). While everyone else munched on popcorn (which wouldn’t have been all that horrible for me) I ate my NS mustard pretzels—which I love!!!!
Did you catch that a part of this week (Tuesday through Thursday) Ann was also here with the grandsweeties. That truly was balm for my heart. Penelope came running up to me and smothered me with hugs and sloppy kisses. We immediately hit the floor for play. At Memaw’s house, I believe Penelope thinks the best toy is Memaw!
And now I’m going to go walk. The sun has been out all morning and it’s trying to reach 40. It’ll be chilly, but I think it will do me good. More later!
Monday night I was in full cramp mood and I sighed one too many times and Nelson flew into a verbal tirade (which he continues to feel justified in doing since he has not apologized). He then didn’t talk to me for three days. He finally started speaking on Friday night. And now life continues.
This week in addition to being a verbal recluse (really only speaking to Beth and Penelope when they were visiting this week) he also appeared to be on self-destruct mode. I ended up feeling like a stranger in my own home. His back still hurts terribly. He's asked me to get the name of the on the upswing--it takes a lot for him to take care of himself. There has been an on-going battle with Worker's Comp as well--that turmoil isn't doing his depression any good at all!
Work wasn’t much better. Growing up in an alcoholic home I learned well the art of hyper vigilance. I could just sense that something was going on. And while I’m not at liberty to say (since I’m still not sure who’s reading my blog/diary at work), suffice it to say: I was right. On top of that, and trying to deal with home stuff, and cramps, I just struggled spiritually with being content.
Through it all I’m sticking to the NutriSystem plan. Faithfully and completely. And to my absolute delight, I’ve lost 6.5lbs since the 16th. I like the food. I’m drinking the water. And today I will start walking again. Here’s an example of my faithfulness: Last night our Sunday School class had an event. We met at Pizza Hut for dinner. There were about 35 of us. I made my NS pizza ahead of time, doctored it with mushrooms and crushed red peppers and took it with me. When it came time to order our meal, I ordered a one trip to the salad bar, which I ate the good stuff and left the heavy laden and fat filled food for someone else! Then we met at the nearby seminary and watched a movie (The Notebook—loved it!). While everyone else munched on popcorn (which wouldn’t have been all that horrible for me) I ate my NS mustard pretzels—which I love!!!!
Did you catch that a part of this week (Tuesday through Thursday) Ann was also here with the grandsweeties. That truly was balm for my heart. Penelope came running up to me and smothered me with hugs and sloppy kisses. We immediately hit the floor for play. At Memaw’s house, I believe Penelope thinks the best toy is Memaw!
And now I’m going to go walk. The sun has been out all morning and it’s trying to reach 40. It’ll be chilly, but I think it will do me good. More later!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Curiosity
So would you take a moment and add to my reality check by filling this out: http://kevan.org/johari?name=daisymarie
Thanks!
Thanks!
Kisses
Boy, did I have a reality check this morning.
I am on my third day with Nutrisystem. I have really been enjoying the food. I don’t feel hungry or deprived.
So this morning for breakfast I decide to have the NS coconut O’s cereal with my egg and cheese. I go to the cupboard and pause for a moment contemplating what bowl to put my meager portion of cereal in. I pull out a very tiny bowl. I think to myself that I’ll have to go larger when I add the 4oz of milk. Nope. Milk and cereal fit more than comfortably in the teeny tiny bowl.
I reach back into the cupboard and pull out the bowl I usually ate my cereal in. Can you say gargantuan? First, I was dumbfounded, then I began to laugh hysterically. No wonder I could play one of the dancing hippos from Fantasia.
I shared my revelation with Nelson, when he finally woke up. We talked for quite some time on how we are part of the super-size generation. For me it started way back in high school. Remember how big the Whopper used to be? How about the Whaler? I ate them daily. When it was time to buy dishes, the size of the dinner plate was a key factor in being considered for the purchase. How insane is that?
Yesterday was our 27th anniversary. Nelson was awake when I came down for my breakfast. He quickly shouted (scaring the pee right out of me!) “Happy Anniversary!” and then told me my gift was on the stand by his bed. I opened the envelope to find a little red velvet bag. In the red velvet bag was the sweetest white gold wedding band. And it fit! I’ve been transitioning over to all white gold and my wedding was the last hold out. This gift was so sweet. It was like he was saying he’d marry me all over again. That felt really good!
When I came home from work yesterday, I expected that Nelson would be ready to walk right out the door to head for therapy. I was wrong. He wasn’t ready for that at all. He had just gotten a call from the director of the Rehab Dept who had been talking to the Doctor’s office.
Bottom line: Nelson is done with therapy. Both the doctor and the therapist agree that Nelson won’t do construction work again. He has a second opinion visit scheduled for a couple weeks from now. But neither anticipate much of a differing opinion. This is as good as it gets.
One of the things the doctor’s assistant told the therapist is that they recommended fusing Nelson’s ankle. Neither of us remember this and aren’t sure that this sounds like a good idea, but we’ll have to see about that.
So now we begin to consider what life is going to be like now for Nelson. He can’t imagine what he will do. His skills and training are to work with his hands. On top of this frustrating news, he turned wrong or something in bed and has reactivated his back pain. Needless to say, he’s feeling pretty miserable.
And now for the irony…A couple weeks ago Nelson and I were watching TV and there was an add for some fancy candy company for Valentines Day. Off the cuff, and without giving much thought to what I was saying (or that I was saying it to Nelson) I said that I would rather have a bag of Hershey Kisses instead of that fancy candy. Well, on one of Nelson’s many Ebay explorations he found a box of Hershey Kisses for sale so he bid and bought. Now when I say box, I mean the size box that a store gets to display and sell. It’s full of little individual bags of 4 kisses each. It was supposed to be here for Valentines Day—before I started my new eating commitment. Well, thanks to lousy timing, it arrived today! So now there’s going to be a box of kisses sitting on my shelf in the pantry waiting until I feel like a smidgen of chocolate won’t destroy my resolve.
Now I really can wish you all a Hershey Kiss!
I am on my third day with Nutrisystem. I have really been enjoying the food. I don’t feel hungry or deprived.
So this morning for breakfast I decide to have the NS coconut O’s cereal with my egg and cheese. I go to the cupboard and pause for a moment contemplating what bowl to put my meager portion of cereal in. I pull out a very tiny bowl. I think to myself that I’ll have to go larger when I add the 4oz of milk. Nope. Milk and cereal fit more than comfortably in the teeny tiny bowl.
I reach back into the cupboard and pull out the bowl I usually ate my cereal in. Can you say gargantuan? First, I was dumbfounded, then I began to laugh hysterically. No wonder I could play one of the dancing hippos from Fantasia.
I shared my revelation with Nelson, when he finally woke up. We talked for quite some time on how we are part of the super-size generation. For me it started way back in high school. Remember how big the Whopper used to be? How about the Whaler? I ate them daily. When it was time to buy dishes, the size of the dinner plate was a key factor in being considered for the purchase. How insane is that?
Yesterday was our 27th anniversary. Nelson was awake when I came down for my breakfast. He quickly shouted (scaring the pee right out of me!) “Happy Anniversary!” and then told me my gift was on the stand by his bed. I opened the envelope to find a little red velvet bag. In the red velvet bag was the sweetest white gold wedding band. And it fit! I’ve been transitioning over to all white gold and my wedding was the last hold out. This gift was so sweet. It was like he was saying he’d marry me all over again. That felt really good!
When I came home from work yesterday, I expected that Nelson would be ready to walk right out the door to head for therapy. I was wrong. He wasn’t ready for that at all. He had just gotten a call from the director of the Rehab Dept who had been talking to the Doctor’s office.
Bottom line: Nelson is done with therapy. Both the doctor and the therapist agree that Nelson won’t do construction work again. He has a second opinion visit scheduled for a couple weeks from now. But neither anticipate much of a differing opinion. This is as good as it gets.
One of the things the doctor’s assistant told the therapist is that they recommended fusing Nelson’s ankle. Neither of us remember this and aren’t sure that this sounds like a good idea, but we’ll have to see about that.
So now we begin to consider what life is going to be like now for Nelson. He can’t imagine what he will do. His skills and training are to work with his hands. On top of this frustrating news, he turned wrong or something in bed and has reactivated his back pain. Needless to say, he’s feeling pretty miserable.
And now for the irony…A couple weeks ago Nelson and I were watching TV and there was an add for some fancy candy company for Valentines Day. Off the cuff, and without giving much thought to what I was saying (or that I was saying it to Nelson) I said that I would rather have a bag of Hershey Kisses instead of that fancy candy. Well, on one of Nelson’s many Ebay explorations he found a box of Hershey Kisses for sale so he bid and bought. Now when I say box, I mean the size box that a store gets to display and sell. It’s full of little individual bags of 4 kisses each. It was supposed to be here for Valentines Day—before I started my new eating commitment. Well, thanks to lousy timing, it arrived today! So now there’s going to be a box of kisses sitting on my shelf in the pantry waiting until I feel like a smidgen of chocolate won’t destroy my resolve.
Now I really can wish you all a Hershey Kiss!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
All About Love
What a Valentines Day I had.
D came to work on Monday and she was wheezing quite badly. By Tuesday it was much, much worse. Last week it sounded like she had bronchitis, but this week it sounded more like emphysema. I assumed my “mommy” role and couched it in psuedo-supervisor and insisted she go to the free clinic in town. Now I know I’m not her supervisor but I used my influence to get her there.
Our town has this really cool clinic. It’s part of one of the ministries here. Doctors and nurses volunteer to provide medical services to folks in our community who don’t have insurance coverage. I was so impressed.
We got to the building that hosts the clinic 40 minutes before they started seeing people so that we could get D’s name on the list. So we arrived at 5:50 and didn’t get seen by the doctor until almost 8:30. It was horribly hot in the waiting room and some of the less patient patients were starting to complain—even though they had gone out at least a couple times to get a smoke.
Complainers just baffle me. While I was busy marveling that there were medical professionals giving their time off and doing my best to calm D’s nerves others were starting to snap at the volunteers and medical folks. Sure I was warm. I had been waiting too. D was feeling worse than awful but she never complained. It wasn’t going to help anything—that was the difference between us and them—but not the only difference.
I began to watch and listen. There was such an incredible sense of entitlement. Where did that come from? There was no sense of appreciation. There was no wonder that people were giving of themselves, their knowledge, their time. I just didn’t get it. I still don’t.
The doctor wanted D to go to the ER and get a breathing treatment, but D was afraid to go so we talked about options with the Dr. She prescribed prednizone, an antibiotic, and an inhaler. And when we were done, she asked to pray with us. It absolutely touched my heart.
When we were done we made a dash to the only pharmacy still open in town. We’re too small for a Walgreens. Over and over D kept saying that no one had ever done anything like this for her. The culmination of that came when I helped pay for the prescriptions. She fought me on it. I assured her she could pay me back and she finally let me pay. Silly girl. And today…she was much better.
Sitting there with D, I missed Worship Team practice, I didn’t get to spend time with my hub on Valentines Day, and I didn’t get to hold Asher before he went to bed---but there’s no where else I needed to be.
And when it was over, I came home, kissed my Valentine (who bought me a pack of three Turtles—mmmmmmmmm!) and went to bed. And that’s what I’m going to do now.
Tomorrow I start Nutrisystem. I guess bed will have to wait until I make a grocery list.
Sweet dreams.
D came to work on Monday and she was wheezing quite badly. By Tuesday it was much, much worse. Last week it sounded like she had bronchitis, but this week it sounded more like emphysema. I assumed my “mommy” role and couched it in psuedo-supervisor and insisted she go to the free clinic in town. Now I know I’m not her supervisor but I used my influence to get her there.
Our town has this really cool clinic. It’s part of one of the ministries here. Doctors and nurses volunteer to provide medical services to folks in our community who don’t have insurance coverage. I was so impressed.
We got to the building that hosts the clinic 40 minutes before they started seeing people so that we could get D’s name on the list. So we arrived at 5:50 and didn’t get seen by the doctor until almost 8:30. It was horribly hot in the waiting room and some of the less patient patients were starting to complain—even though they had gone out at least a couple times to get a smoke.
Complainers just baffle me. While I was busy marveling that there were medical professionals giving their time off and doing my best to calm D’s nerves others were starting to snap at the volunteers and medical folks. Sure I was warm. I had been waiting too. D was feeling worse than awful but she never complained. It wasn’t going to help anything—that was the difference between us and them—but not the only difference.
I began to watch and listen. There was such an incredible sense of entitlement. Where did that come from? There was no sense of appreciation. There was no wonder that people were giving of themselves, their knowledge, their time. I just didn’t get it. I still don’t.
The doctor wanted D to go to the ER and get a breathing treatment, but D was afraid to go so we talked about options with the Dr. She prescribed prednizone, an antibiotic, and an inhaler. And when we were done, she asked to pray with us. It absolutely touched my heart.
When we were done we made a dash to the only pharmacy still open in town. We’re too small for a Walgreens. Over and over D kept saying that no one had ever done anything like this for her. The culmination of that came when I helped pay for the prescriptions. She fought me on it. I assured her she could pay me back and she finally let me pay. Silly girl. And today…she was much better.
Sitting there with D, I missed Worship Team practice, I didn’t get to spend time with my hub on Valentines Day, and I didn’t get to hold Asher before he went to bed---but there’s no where else I needed to be.
And when it was over, I came home, kissed my Valentine (who bought me a pack of three Turtles—mmmmmmmmm!) and went to bed. And that’s what I’m going to do now.
Tomorrow I start Nutrisystem. I guess bed will have to wait until I make a grocery list.
Sweet dreams.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
It's a Miracle...
He’s healed!
But nothing’s changed.
The doctor said that Nelson is to start wearing a work boot and loose the crutch. He prescribed work conditioning therapy and told him to come back in two months. He never asked to see Nelson walk. He didn’t really listen to what Nelson was trying to tell him.
Nelson went for his therapy session. His regular therapist couldn’t believe the new orders. He had the head of the rehab program evaluate Nelson. He asked Nelson to walk. He asked Nelson what Nelson would be doing when he went back to work. Nelson told him: lots of walking, climbing stairs and ladders, lifting many heavy objects. The director was beside himself and told Nelson there was no way. He’s going to call the Doc on Monday and let him know his findings.
Nelson got his new glasses yesterday. When he fell, back in June, he crushed his and has been using cheapo reading glasses since then. He was quite happy to have glasses scripted to his eyes!
There were both good and extraordinarily frustrating days for me at work this week. I got some orders out and that felt good. Yesterday a tool I was working with came apart and I mashed a steal pipe (about an inch in diameter—not real big) into my forehead. It still hurts and I have a bruise and bump right over my right eye. Owie.
Nelson has offered to let me give Nutrisystem a try. So I’m going to start that as soon as the food arrives.
I guess that’s all for now. I’m reading an article in my Prevention magazine about sneaking food: how it’s related to sense of worth and stress. Given what I just wrote here I think I’ll go reread the article and let you know what I’m thinking about it later.
Until then.
But nothing’s changed.
The doctor said that Nelson is to start wearing a work boot and loose the crutch. He prescribed work conditioning therapy and told him to come back in two months. He never asked to see Nelson walk. He didn’t really listen to what Nelson was trying to tell him.
Nelson went for his therapy session. His regular therapist couldn’t believe the new orders. He had the head of the rehab program evaluate Nelson. He asked Nelson to walk. He asked Nelson what Nelson would be doing when he went back to work. Nelson told him: lots of walking, climbing stairs and ladders, lifting many heavy objects. The director was beside himself and told Nelson there was no way. He’s going to call the Doc on Monday and let him know his findings.
Nelson got his new glasses yesterday. When he fell, back in June, he crushed his and has been using cheapo reading glasses since then. He was quite happy to have glasses scripted to his eyes!
There were both good and extraordinarily frustrating days for me at work this week. I got some orders out and that felt good. Yesterday a tool I was working with came apart and I mashed a steal pipe (about an inch in diameter—not real big) into my forehead. It still hurts and I have a bruise and bump right over my right eye. Owie.
Nelson has offered to let me give Nutrisystem a try. So I’m going to start that as soon as the food arrives.
I guess that’s all for now. I’m reading an article in my Prevention magazine about sneaking food: how it’s related to sense of worth and stress. Given what I just wrote here I think I’ll go reread the article and let you know what I’m thinking about it later.
Until then.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Snippets
The last time that Ann was here with the kids, Penelope did something that just cracked us all up. But after about the third time that she did it Beth looked at me and said there’s probably a sermon there. I guess she knows how I think.
Beth has one of those picture phones and the picture that’s always on it is a picture of Penelope. Beth asked her who that was a picture of and Penelope said, “You.” For the longest time when you asked who was in picture Penelope would identify everyone and when the person pointed to Penelope in the photo she would say that it was “baby.” And we would always respond, “No, that’s you.” So now she identifies herself as “you.”
Isn’t that interesting? Some people can’t look in the mirror without seeing someone else. It’s always someone else’s voice speaking in their head. They have no sense of self whatsoever. Others, clear on who they are, can look in the mirrors and while seeing themselves think only of others. They aren’t lost, but they know that their completeness is build by their connections to others.
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
***********************************************************************************
It’s been quiet here this week. Beth went to visit at Ann’s—so my grandsweeties are together there and I’m here (insert big sigh). I guess if I get really honest it’s been a nice little break and I’m sure it will make me all that much more happy to be with them when they get home tomorrow. And then it’s my night. I take care of the baby on Friday nights so Beth can sleep.
**********************************************************************************
Tomorrow Nelson has an appointment with the doctor. We’re a bit anxious about what the outcome will be. We imagine one of three things will happen. For two weeks his physical therapist has basically told him that therapy isn’t helping. So we’re imagining that the doc will say one of a couple things: first, he could say that Nelson needs more surgery or he could say that this is as good as it gets. The latter is concerning because Nelson still can’t put weight on the ankle and needs either the crutch or walker to get around. The implications that this holds regarding his inability to work are mind boggling to us. What will life look like? The former doesn’t appeal to Nelson either. Sure, having surgery might (heavy on possibility) make things better, but he’s just so tired of hurting—and I’m tired of watching him hurt.
Work is going. I’m getting it better and getting along better. I’m able to step back a little and D handle more of the packaging responsibilities. That’s good because the work load is increasing in my new area. Sometimes my head feels like it’s going to pop trying to keep things straight in both areas. I’ve made several mistakes, but caught them all before they left the area. I just have to cut them down and then out all together. There’s still just so very much to learn.
And now I’m going to watch Dr. Phil and then make supper. Until later.
Beth has one of those picture phones and the picture that’s always on it is a picture of Penelope. Beth asked her who that was a picture of and Penelope said, “You.” For the longest time when you asked who was in picture Penelope would identify everyone and when the person pointed to Penelope in the photo she would say that it was “baby.” And we would always respond, “No, that’s you.” So now she identifies herself as “you.”
Isn’t that interesting? Some people can’t look in the mirror without seeing someone else. It’s always someone else’s voice speaking in their head. They have no sense of self whatsoever. Others, clear on who they are, can look in the mirrors and while seeing themselves think only of others. They aren’t lost, but they know that their completeness is build by their connections to others.
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
***********************************************************************************
It’s been quiet here this week. Beth went to visit at Ann’s—so my grandsweeties are together there and I’m here (insert big sigh). I guess if I get really honest it’s been a nice little break and I’m sure it will make me all that much more happy to be with them when they get home tomorrow. And then it’s my night. I take care of the baby on Friday nights so Beth can sleep.
**********************************************************************************
Tomorrow Nelson has an appointment with the doctor. We’re a bit anxious about what the outcome will be. We imagine one of three things will happen. For two weeks his physical therapist has basically told him that therapy isn’t helping. So we’re imagining that the doc will say one of a couple things: first, he could say that Nelson needs more surgery or he could say that this is as good as it gets. The latter is concerning because Nelson still can’t put weight on the ankle and needs either the crutch or walker to get around. The implications that this holds regarding his inability to work are mind boggling to us. What will life look like? The former doesn’t appeal to Nelson either. Sure, having surgery might (heavy on possibility) make things better, but he’s just so tired of hurting—and I’m tired of watching him hurt.
Work is going. I’m getting it better and getting along better. I’m able to step back a little and D handle more of the packaging responsibilities. That’s good because the work load is increasing in my new area. Sometimes my head feels like it’s going to pop trying to keep things straight in both areas. I’ve made several mistakes, but caught them all before they left the area. I just have to cut them down and then out all together. There’s still just so very much to learn.
And now I’m going to watch Dr. Phil and then make supper. Until later.
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