The seminar went well. Seven counties were represented in the audience. We used power point. It was the first time I ever did that. I wish we had some sort of traveling clicker so that we didn't have to stand at the podium with the computer and use the mouse. I'll get better. I told Dan that I need to take like a three day retreat to just go and play...I mean learn how to create my own power point.
I was really drained when the seminar was over. I spent the first half presenting with my coworkers. In the second half, I was part of the panel that was comprised of "graduates" of the program. We presented our perspective alongside Mr. R who spoke from the perspective of a business owner who had been willing to work with felons. The second part was more difficult: owning my own ex-offender status. It went well. We received many positive comments on our evaluation forms. One of the counties represented asked us to come and make the same presentation to their Job and Family Service people.
Today I wrote the following devotional for our church's web devotional journal:
Transformational Journal Devotions: 1 Peter 1:3-9
Monday: vs. 3-4
In one of the churches where I served as an associate, the pastor’s wife often used a phrase that reminds me of this passage. When life got sticky or icky she could be heard reminding herself: "all this and heaven, too!" Occasionally there was a note of sarcasm in her voice, but we all knew that she said it to remind herself that whatever she was facing was not the end, as a believer, she had her heart set on heaven. It makes me sad that there seems to a languishing hunger for heaven. We live in such an instant age. People don’t save like they used to. It’s all about living in the now. It’s pretty well summed up in a bumper sticker I saw not long ago: I’m spending my children’s inheritance. As Christ followers, our priceless inheritance is kept for us in heaven "beyond the reach of change or decay." And like my pastor’s wife, I’m looking forward to the day when I receive that treasure. It’s so much more than this world around us—there really is heaven, too!
Prompts:
-Have you been living for an earthly or heavenly inheritance?
-Write about your understanding or feelings toward heaven.
-Write a prayer asking God to give you His understanding of heaven
Tonight I got a phone call from a family friend. The pastor's wife I mentioned in the devotional died Wednesday morning. She now has her "heaven, too!"
Then just a few minutes ago I got a call on my cell. Odd for this time on a Friday. I knew that one of the guys in our Ntown work program didn't work today, but I didn't know why until I got the call. It was from his sister. She had taken him to the ER last night. He has pnuemonia and they found a mass in his lung. They also think that his leukemia has returned.
I'm feeling somewhere between sad and numb. I've just been on the edge of tears since I got done with the seminar. Perhaps a good cup of tea is in order.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Driving Thoughts
I was thinking while I was driving yesterday. I like driving for that very reason. I like getting with my thoughts. It’s a good time to pray and sing and think.
Tomorrow is our big seminar: Breaking the Barriers. You can find info about it on web page (www.transformationnetwork.org). I just clicked over to check it out. I had to smile at the pics of me. In 7 to 10 business days, I’m going to look a bit different. Today I had an appointment to get my eyes checked. I need stronger glasses. I picked out new frames.
There was a health fair going on at the medical building. In the vision center they were have a “trunk sale.” They had two reps there displaying their wares. I tried on one of the pairs. They’re burgundy in color with a little “bling” on the ear pieces. They’re also different shaped. The lenses on the new glasses are smaller and more oval shaped. I really like them and the staff all thought they made look younger. I think they were interested because they wanted to make a sale. They decided my current glasses make me look older and something about a droop. I bought it…and them!
While I was driving I was thinking about my work. Somehow while also thinking about the seminar, my mind drifted to what I would say if I could go back and talk to the agency I had worked at. The kids we worked with there were always in trouble with the law. It wasn’t hard to imagine many of them ending up in my current workplace: unemployed due to felony convictions, needing help changing their minds and behaviors so that they could become contributing members of society. So, what would I say to that other agency? Fix them now!
I know it’s not that easy. And in some cases I don’t if it is possible. As I work with this portion of the population, I am truly beginning to understand generational strongholds. I talk with participants both here at the home base and in the outlying counties who describe how their parents and grandparents have had troubles with the law. Now, this isn’t true for everyone, but the percentage is high enough that it warrants attention.
We were having a meeting with a potential participant. Her pastor had brought her to meet with us. One comment that he made really stood out to me. In a very encouraging tone, he told her that he thought she had the best chance in her family to break the cycle of addiction. His words appear to have fallen way short of their mark. It’s been a week and she hasn’t been back.
Where does resiliency come from? Why is it some people can face adversities and atrocities beyond description and come out on top—land on their feet, while others are left with only bitterness and brokenness?
These are the question I live with daily….more later.
Tomorrow is our big seminar: Breaking the Barriers. You can find info about it on web page (www.transformationnetwork.org). I just clicked over to check it out. I had to smile at the pics of me. In 7 to 10 business days, I’m going to look a bit different. Today I had an appointment to get my eyes checked. I need stronger glasses. I picked out new frames.
There was a health fair going on at the medical building. In the vision center they were have a “trunk sale.” They had two reps there displaying their wares. I tried on one of the pairs. They’re burgundy in color with a little “bling” on the ear pieces. They’re also different shaped. The lenses on the new glasses are smaller and more oval shaped. I really like them and the staff all thought they made look younger. I think they were interested because they wanted to make a sale. They decided my current glasses make me look older and something about a droop. I bought it…and them!
While I was driving I was thinking about my work. Somehow while also thinking about the seminar, my mind drifted to what I would say if I could go back and talk to the agency I had worked at. The kids we worked with there were always in trouble with the law. It wasn’t hard to imagine many of them ending up in my current workplace: unemployed due to felony convictions, needing help changing their minds and behaviors so that they could become contributing members of society. So, what would I say to that other agency? Fix them now!
I know it’s not that easy. And in some cases I don’t if it is possible. As I work with this portion of the population, I am truly beginning to understand generational strongholds. I talk with participants both here at the home base and in the outlying counties who describe how their parents and grandparents have had troubles with the law. Now, this isn’t true for everyone, but the percentage is high enough that it warrants attention.
We were having a meeting with a potential participant. Her pastor had brought her to meet with us. One comment that he made really stood out to me. In a very encouraging tone, he told her that he thought she had the best chance in her family to break the cycle of addiction. His words appear to have fallen way short of their mark. It’s been a week and she hasn’t been back.
Where does resiliency come from? Why is it some people can face adversities and atrocities beyond description and come out on top—land on their feet, while others are left with only bitterness and brokenness?
These are the question I live with daily….more later.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Where did the week go?
It’s Wednesday morning. I can’t believe I haven’t posted for a week. Yes, I can. (Imagine me sighing and my shoulders drooping a bit.)
It’s been a long week. I worked in the factory every day but Wednesday last week. I didn’t do much manual labor—I spent my time catching up on paperwork. Cleaning up messes. Putting out relational fires.
Then on the weekend, when I might have caught a breather: Nelson and Asher get sick. Nelson went to bed at 5:30 on Saturday evening and slept through until nearly 3:00 on Sunday. He went to work on Monday, but didn’t start feeling human until yesterday. Asher, we found out yesterday when he went to get his next round of shots, has the roto virus. He was puking and having soupy poops all weekend. One exploded out his diaper, down my leg, plopped on my foot, and sprayed the walls around us. (Graphic enough picture? I’m tired of suffering alone. Lol)
To add to my exhaustion, I’m working every night this week at Curves. Then on Friday we are hosting a seminar about the reentry ministry we offer in the three counties we work in to the fifteen counties in our parole region. Oh, and wait! One of those three counties is auditing my files today. Oh and add to that, the parent company we have our packaging program with is going on a shut down so all the work had to be packaged or sent back to them and now my workers are facing several days of no work. And, we still haggling to be able to rent the new space so that the move is hanging over my head.
I didn’t want to get out of bed today. It’s my travel day. And it’s supposed to rain all day. Did I mention that I’m under a little stress and a rainy day would be perfect for staying in my jimmies, sipping tea, and being totally irresponsible.
I just don’t know how to do that. (Insert another deep sigh) I need to change my focus. Something positive and fun?
I got my Palm TX! It’s quite cool and I’m starting to figure it out. I’m frustrated because I can’t figure out how to get the status bar back at the bottom. It’s there just not showing. The keyboard that came with it is great. It has Bluetooth and WiFi capabilities. And I’ve already loaded scrabble on to it! Now, there’s a stress reliever!
Ann and Travis have worked things to the point where they want to have her and the kids move home. She gave us her two week notice. I’m going to miss her and the kids, but I so know that this is for the best. They’ll keep working and we’ll keep praying.
Beth and Ron are talking about eloping. I’m still getting used to the idea. They’ve mentioned several places, but have talked wanting to be married on the beach somewhere, possibly in Florida or San Diego. We’ll see as it all unfolds.
Nelson and I are back on track with our eating. Poor choices (aka Easter candy and other extremely high carb junk) and lack of portion control had crept back into our habits. We’re back to writing everything down and keeping totals. I’ve also stepped up my workout at Curves. I was excited this morning that I was able to fit into two skirts that had been tight just last week! I want to lose at least 15 pounds before I go to Mom’s in June.
Well, it’s now time to walk out the door. Ah, for the final blessing: there are a scazillion lilac buds on my bush! And that reminds me that God is still in control—and no matter what comes my way, if I keep hold of that: I can face anything!
It’s been a long week. I worked in the factory every day but Wednesday last week. I didn’t do much manual labor—I spent my time catching up on paperwork. Cleaning up messes. Putting out relational fires.
Then on the weekend, when I might have caught a breather: Nelson and Asher get sick. Nelson went to bed at 5:30 on Saturday evening and slept through until nearly 3:00 on Sunday. He went to work on Monday, but didn’t start feeling human until yesterday. Asher, we found out yesterday when he went to get his next round of shots, has the roto virus. He was puking and having soupy poops all weekend. One exploded out his diaper, down my leg, plopped on my foot, and sprayed the walls around us. (Graphic enough picture? I’m tired of suffering alone. Lol)
To add to my exhaustion, I’m working every night this week at Curves. Then on Friday we are hosting a seminar about the reentry ministry we offer in the three counties we work in to the fifteen counties in our parole region. Oh, and wait! One of those three counties is auditing my files today. Oh and add to that, the parent company we have our packaging program with is going on a shut down so all the work had to be packaged or sent back to them and now my workers are facing several days of no work. And, we still haggling to be able to rent the new space so that the move is hanging over my head.
I didn’t want to get out of bed today. It’s my travel day. And it’s supposed to rain all day. Did I mention that I’m under a little stress and a rainy day would be perfect for staying in my jimmies, sipping tea, and being totally irresponsible.
I just don’t know how to do that. (Insert another deep sigh) I need to change my focus. Something positive and fun?
I got my Palm TX! It’s quite cool and I’m starting to figure it out. I’m frustrated because I can’t figure out how to get the status bar back at the bottom. It’s there just not showing. The keyboard that came with it is great. It has Bluetooth and WiFi capabilities. And I’ve already loaded scrabble on to it! Now, there’s a stress reliever!
Ann and Travis have worked things to the point where they want to have her and the kids move home. She gave us her two week notice. I’m going to miss her and the kids, but I so know that this is for the best. They’ll keep working and we’ll keep praying.
Beth and Ron are talking about eloping. I’m still getting used to the idea. They’ve mentioned several places, but have talked wanting to be married on the beach somewhere, possibly in Florida or San Diego. We’ll see as it all unfolds.
Nelson and I are back on track with our eating. Poor choices (aka Easter candy and other extremely high carb junk) and lack of portion control had crept back into our habits. We’re back to writing everything down and keeping totals. I’ve also stepped up my workout at Curves. I was excited this morning that I was able to fit into two skirts that had been tight just last week! I want to lose at least 15 pounds before I go to Mom’s in June.
Well, it’s now time to walk out the door. Ah, for the final blessing: there are a scazillion lilac buds on my bush! And that reminds me that God is still in control—and no matter what comes my way, if I keep hold of that: I can face anything!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Nothing profound
Here's how my week went...
It's April 14th. And I don't want to look out the window. It''s snowing and sticking. Sigh. I'm really afraid that there will be no lilacs this spring...I'm not even sure if there'll be a spring...double sigh. The leaves that had sprouted on the lilac have turned black from the cold. The forcast doesn't look very good for most of the week either. Guess I'll just go buy a lilac candle and dream.
It was a very busy week. On Monday I worked half day at the factory--in the morning. I wore my flashing 50 button. Nelson and the girls conspired to put one of those birthday ads in the paper. So there at the bottom of the first page of the classifieds was a picture of me from my first Christmas. I'm hairless but quite adorable. I think everyone in town saw it. It's okay. The surprise and all it took to pull it off just makes me know I'm loved and makes me know how much I love this incredible crew of mine!
Tuesday and Thursday I taught our WINGS class in Ntown. There were only 4 participants--should/could have been about 15. It was a good class. This time we switched from 9-3 to 9-4. It's amazing how much longer the day seemed even though it was only one hour longer. Wednesday I did my regular thing of meeting with participants for follow-up or orientation in Ntown and Stown. Come Friday, my throat was sore from all the speaking and my feet hurt from wearing heels. But it was a good kind of tired that I don't want to trade! (Insert contented smile!)
Today, Annie and I went shopping after we worked out at Curves. We started with lunch at O'Charleys. I had never eaten there. We decided to have a bowl of soup and split a salad. It was a very good idea. The soup was quite yummy--we each got a different kind and tasted each others. I got the loaded potato and she got the chicken tortilla. Good stuff. We both were happy with the split salad, especially when as we were about to leave the lady at a nearby table had a whole salad delivered to her. It was mamoth!!!! We were laughing about it all the way out of the restaurant!
Then we went and spent some of my birthday gift cards. We stopped first at Barnes and Nobels where I got two books. Then it was over to the mall where I actually bought jammies and underwear at Victoria Secret. The jammy pants are so incredibly soft. When we were done there it was right off to Bath and Body where after some careful deliberation I spent my card on two flavors of shower gel (wild cherry blossom and perfect peach) and a couple of purse size hand creams (sweet pea and lime coconut). My nose is still recovering from all the sniffing and sampling!
Our final stop was at a local coffee house where we indulged in a couple of frothy coffees. Mmmm! Nelson is off doing the grocery shopping. And Asher just woke from his nap. Guess I'm all done writing for now!
I'll write more later about the books...on is called "The Velveteen Principles" and the other is something like "The 5 Things You Can't Change in Life." It's about accepting the things we can't change and chosing to learn to live with them rather than against them. I'll get the exact title and premise/description later.
TTFN
It's April 14th. And I don't want to look out the window. It''s snowing and sticking. Sigh. I'm really afraid that there will be no lilacs this spring...I'm not even sure if there'll be a spring...double sigh. The leaves that had sprouted on the lilac have turned black from the cold. The forcast doesn't look very good for most of the week either. Guess I'll just go buy a lilac candle and dream.
It was a very busy week. On Monday I worked half day at the factory--in the morning. I wore my flashing 50 button. Nelson and the girls conspired to put one of those birthday ads in the paper. So there at the bottom of the first page of the classifieds was a picture of me from my first Christmas. I'm hairless but quite adorable. I think everyone in town saw it. It's okay. The surprise and all it took to pull it off just makes me know I'm loved and makes me know how much I love this incredible crew of mine!
Tuesday and Thursday I taught our WINGS class in Ntown. There were only 4 participants--should/could have been about 15. It was a good class. This time we switched from 9-3 to 9-4. It's amazing how much longer the day seemed even though it was only one hour longer. Wednesday I did my regular thing of meeting with participants for follow-up or orientation in Ntown and Stown. Come Friday, my throat was sore from all the speaking and my feet hurt from wearing heels. But it was a good kind of tired that I don't want to trade! (Insert contented smile!)
Today, Annie and I went shopping after we worked out at Curves. We started with lunch at O'Charleys. I had never eaten there. We decided to have a bowl of soup and split a salad. It was a very good idea. The soup was quite yummy--we each got a different kind and tasted each others. I got the loaded potato and she got the chicken tortilla. Good stuff. We both were happy with the split salad, especially when as we were about to leave the lady at a nearby table had a whole salad delivered to her. It was mamoth!!!! We were laughing about it all the way out of the restaurant!
Then we went and spent some of my birthday gift cards. We stopped first at Barnes and Nobels where I got two books. Then it was over to the mall where I actually bought jammies and underwear at Victoria Secret. The jammy pants are so incredibly soft. When we were done there it was right off to Bath and Body where after some careful deliberation I spent my card on two flavors of shower gel (wild cherry blossom and perfect peach) and a couple of purse size hand creams (sweet pea and lime coconut). My nose is still recovering from all the sniffing and sampling!
Our final stop was at a local coffee house where we indulged in a couple of frothy coffees. Mmmm! Nelson is off doing the grocery shopping. And Asher just woke from his nap. Guess I'm all done writing for now!
I'll write more later about the books...on is called "The Velveteen Principles" and the other is something like "The 5 Things You Can't Change in Life." It's about accepting the things we can't change and chosing to learn to live with them rather than against them. I'll get the exact title and premise/description later.
TTFN
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Party Central
I’ve had a wonderful day.
This morning I worked at Curves. Ann came in and worked out at the end of the day and then helped me clean so that I could get out of there since Nelson was taking me out for lunch for my birthday in Mtown. He had said something about going to Ruby Tuesday’s, but on the way I suggested Chipotle instead, which was fine by him!
We got to Chipotle and ordered our food. The meat that Nelson wanted for his burrito was still cooking and we waited quite a bit. When we went to pay, they told us our meal was comped! That’s the second time we’ve eaten there and the second time that our meal was free. I really like that place.
Then we went to Barnes and Nobles for a yummy coffee, a cookie and some brief browsing. We then went to Toys R Us. We were looking for a swing set for the grandbabies. The one we wanted was of course out of stock. We waited at the register for quite a while. Then the manager came and told us that they had one of last year’s models in a bunged up box that he would be willing to give us for $100—a $30 discount. Sold! We then went a couple places looking for Palm TX. They had one at Best Buy, but we decided to try and get it for less on Ebay.
When we got home, we came in the back door—nothing different about that. I noticed that there was a lot of food out in the kitchen, but didn’t think anything about it until I spied my dearest friend’s face looking back at me from the living room.
My family had worked together to create a wonderful birthday party surprise for me! It was Beth’s idea and she and Ann worked amazingly to make such a special time for me! Friends from Urbana (Karen and Joe) drove up with their three youngest kids. My sis was there with her two boys. My boss and co-workers were there from the T-Net. My manager and the club owner were there from Curves. My in-laws even showed up. Ann and Travis and Beth and Ron and all the grandbabies. We ran out of chairs!
I had asked for strawberry shortcake and there was an abundance. There was also some of Sis’ fruit and fruit dip. It was wonderful. The girls had decorated the place and there was a huge balloon that sang happy birthday (to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus) when you tap it.
While I was enjoying visiting with all our guests the phone rang several times. Nelson had arranged for several friends to call through the course of the party. My friend Laurie called from West Liberty. My mom called and sang happy birthday. My SIL called. Rhonda called—she was unable to attend because she’s been feeling sick.
Two calls were especially sweet to receive. Nelson contacted a very dear friend who I had lost contact with. He actually paid for one of those online services to hunt her down. It was so neat to talk to her. Then a friend and his wife called and sang happy birthday. I didn’t recognize the voice at first, but when I did—well, it was just quite a blessing.
I received several humorous cards—hip, hip, hip replacement! I also got several gift cards (I love Barnes and Nobles). I also got a console table for the entry way! I’m sure there will be more surprises and each one will make me smile even more.
And just think my birthday isn’t until Monday!!!
This morning I worked at Curves. Ann came in and worked out at the end of the day and then helped me clean so that I could get out of there since Nelson was taking me out for lunch for my birthday in Mtown. He had said something about going to Ruby Tuesday’s, but on the way I suggested Chipotle instead, which was fine by him!
We got to Chipotle and ordered our food. The meat that Nelson wanted for his burrito was still cooking and we waited quite a bit. When we went to pay, they told us our meal was comped! That’s the second time we’ve eaten there and the second time that our meal was free. I really like that place.
Then we went to Barnes and Nobles for a yummy coffee, a cookie and some brief browsing. We then went to Toys R Us. We were looking for a swing set for the grandbabies. The one we wanted was of course out of stock. We waited at the register for quite a while. Then the manager came and told us that they had one of last year’s models in a bunged up box that he would be willing to give us for $100—a $30 discount. Sold! We then went a couple places looking for Palm TX. They had one at Best Buy, but we decided to try and get it for less on Ebay.
When we got home, we came in the back door—nothing different about that. I noticed that there was a lot of food out in the kitchen, but didn’t think anything about it until I spied my dearest friend’s face looking back at me from the living room.
My family had worked together to create a wonderful birthday party surprise for me! It was Beth’s idea and she and Ann worked amazingly to make such a special time for me! Friends from Urbana (Karen and Joe) drove up with their three youngest kids. My sis was there with her two boys. My boss and co-workers were there from the T-Net. My manager and the club owner were there from Curves. My in-laws even showed up. Ann and Travis and Beth and Ron and all the grandbabies. We ran out of chairs!
I had asked for strawberry shortcake and there was an abundance. There was also some of Sis’ fruit and fruit dip. It was wonderful. The girls had decorated the place and there was a huge balloon that sang happy birthday (to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus) when you tap it.
While I was enjoying visiting with all our guests the phone rang several times. Nelson had arranged for several friends to call through the course of the party. My friend Laurie called from West Liberty. My mom called and sang happy birthday. My SIL called. Rhonda called—she was unable to attend because she’s been feeling sick.
Two calls were especially sweet to receive. Nelson contacted a very dear friend who I had lost contact with. He actually paid for one of those online services to hunt her down. It was so neat to talk to her. Then a friend and his wife called and sang happy birthday. I didn’t recognize the voice at first, but when I did—well, it was just quite a blessing.
I received several humorous cards—hip, hip, hip replacement! I also got several gift cards (I love Barnes and Nobles). I also got a console table for the entry way! I’m sure there will be more surprises and each one will make me smile even more.
And just think my birthday isn’t until Monday!!!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Clean
Scrubbed floors and scum free bathroom.
I hate to clean--but I like things clean. And I like the clean smell when I'm all done.
While I was on my knees wiping up baby spills, I began to think...Isn't amazing how God can get your attention then?
There are other things that I hate the work or process of, but absolutely love and want the results: study, exercised, diet, and work.
All through my Christian walk I have been captivated by the verses that instruct the believer to make every effort. It really is all about the process, about the journey. End results, those things we work for (like paychecks) aren't really the end. They're just the step to the next step.
So I'll keep on walking, and cleaning (guess that means I should grouse so with each mess) because I know it's all moving me that much closer to the real end--Heaven. I wonder if anyone cleans the bathroom there?
I hate to clean--but I like things clean. And I like the clean smell when I'm all done.
While I was on my knees wiping up baby spills, I began to think...Isn't amazing how God can get your attention then?
There are other things that I hate the work or process of, but absolutely love and want the results: study, exercised, diet, and work.
All through my Christian walk I have been captivated by the verses that instruct the believer to make every effort. It really is all about the process, about the journey. End results, those things we work for (like paychecks) aren't really the end. They're just the step to the next step.
So I'll keep on walking, and cleaning (guess that means I should grouse so with each mess) because I know it's all moving me that much closer to the real end--Heaven. I wonder if anyone cleans the bathroom there?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Time for New Growth
I did not quit my job.
I did finally get to meet with my boss today. It went ok.
I need to work on rebuilding his trust in me. One of the ways I've been doing that in the past couple days is cc every email/correspondance to him so he knows exactly how I'm operating. I already keep a detailed phone log and time sheet breaking out my time spent on each contract. In our meeting he said I needed to walk that difficult line for rebuilding trust without innundating him with information he doesn't need. I'll have to work on that.
We also talked about how I tend to get defensive in meetings when my work is being questioned. I know that I tend to take things way too personally and I need to work on this issue so that my co-workers don't have to fear my "mood" when they need to confront me.
Guess I just need to revisit and fine tune all my issues. Sigh.
I
t's quite beautiful out today...and just now I looked out the offict window (which is on the second floor of the house) and I spied flowers (magnolias, I think) on the neighbor's tree just across the ally from me. I just love spring!
Tonight I'm reveling in some quiet. Ann, Penelope, and Caden are back home for a visit. Beth is working. And Nelson is out grocery gathering. Asher is down for a nap. Until he wakes up, I'm just going to stroll through some blogs/diaries, or maybe play some scrabble. It's just such a sweet sort of silence.
I wrote the following for a prayer blog I'm a part of:
Tuesday night I was in the yard with the grandbabies. A bird flew into the top of the big old tree. Penelope (cutest 3 yr old on the planet) stood at the base of the tree and jumped (a flat-footed 3 yr old kind of jump)--several times. Finally she looked over at me, where I was desperately trying not to laugh at her efforts, and she said, "I guess I'm not big enough, Mema."
Then it was as if a lightbulb went off, and she ran for the house. Moments later she emerged with her little step. She set it at the base of the tree, climbed aboard, and proceeded to try jumping again. Her face quickly displayed her frustration. Until another bulb lit up: You help me, Mema?
And I could help but picture myself jumping awkwardly at life's issues--trying to tackle problems not meant to be tackled. It reminded me of Peter trying to walk on the water. Jesus didn't invite Peter. It was Peter who asked to try something he wasn't created for. Jesus allowed it and scooped him up--lovingly...knowingly.
God grant me clearer vision of what my tasks are for this day. Help me not to waste energy jumping after things that you don't need me to do. Grant us each that assurance of your love. And we will be thankful.
I did finally get to meet with my boss today. It went ok.
I need to work on rebuilding his trust in me. One of the ways I've been doing that in the past couple days is cc every email/correspondance to him so he knows exactly how I'm operating. I already keep a detailed phone log and time sheet breaking out my time spent on each contract. In our meeting he said I needed to walk that difficult line for rebuilding trust without innundating him with information he doesn't need. I'll have to work on that.
We also talked about how I tend to get defensive in meetings when my work is being questioned. I know that I tend to take things way too personally and I need to work on this issue so that my co-workers don't have to fear my "mood" when they need to confront me.
Guess I just need to revisit and fine tune all my issues. Sigh.
I
t's quite beautiful out today...and just now I looked out the offict window (which is on the second floor of the house) and I spied flowers (magnolias, I think) on the neighbor's tree just across the ally from me. I just love spring!
Tonight I'm reveling in some quiet. Ann, Penelope, and Caden are back home for a visit. Beth is working. And Nelson is out grocery gathering. Asher is down for a nap. Until he wakes up, I'm just going to stroll through some blogs/diaries, or maybe play some scrabble. It's just such a sweet sort of silence.
I wrote the following for a prayer blog I'm a part of:
Tuesday night I was in the yard with the grandbabies. A bird flew into the top of the big old tree. Penelope (cutest 3 yr old on the planet) stood at the base of the tree and jumped (a flat-footed 3 yr old kind of jump)--several times. Finally she looked over at me, where I was desperately trying not to laugh at her efforts, and she said, "I guess I'm not big enough, Mema."
Then it was as if a lightbulb went off, and she ran for the house. Moments later she emerged with her little step. She set it at the base of the tree, climbed aboard, and proceeded to try jumping again. Her face quickly displayed her frustration. Until another bulb lit up: You help me, Mema?
And I could help but picture myself jumping awkwardly at life's issues--trying to tackle problems not meant to be tackled. It reminded me of Peter trying to walk on the water. Jesus didn't invite Peter. It was Peter who asked to try something he wasn't created for. Jesus allowed it and scooped him up--lovingly...knowingly.
God grant me clearer vision of what my tasks are for this day. Help me not to waste energy jumping after things that you don't need me to do. Grant us each that assurance of your love. And we will be thankful.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
And This Week...
It was a poopy weekend. The boys both had diarrhea. Caden had several incidents of puking as well. That’s how I was awakened: by Travis washing one whiny baby in the tub. Travis was scheduled to have the kids, but since Caden was sick, he just spent the weekend with us. It turned out to be a good thing I think.
Sunday Aunt Flo came calling and I was crampy and feeling like I was coming down with a cold. I woke up Monday morning with more of the same. Problem was that I wasn’t sick enough to stay home, but felt too lousy to be at work. So I worked.Today is better.
Nelson continues to work long days. His pants were literally falling off him, so until his new uniforms come in he was given special permission to wear some of his bib overalls. When he started he was in a 56” waiste. Right now he’s down to a 44 or 46, depending on the cut. He continues to be my inspiration!
Ann and Travis had lots of opportunity to talk about things. He’s been remodeling their home. He’s completed therapy. It looks like she will move back home in May when the remodeling is complete. That will give them time to start over, having dates and move slowly. Then in the summer they’ll start couples therapy. It sounds like a good plan. We’ll be watching and praying as it unfolds.
Beth and Ron are looking at houses. Ron’s lease is up on his apartment in October. He doesn’t see the point in renting when their plan is to get married next year. They sat and talked with Nelson about how they should go about this. He gave good advice and they listened and actually followed it. Guess we’ll be watching and praying as that unfolds too.
So my very full house could be a very large house much sooner than I anticipated. Our lease is up in July so we need to make some decisions, too. I can’t even describe how I dread even the idea of moving, but I’m not liking some things that are already going on with the management company we’re renting with. They are now saying our rent is $685 with $10 for the pet rent. We can’t locate our copy of the lease. I know we had one, but it’s hiding really well. I’m going to look again tonight. Nelson and I talked about it. There’s just no way that it was $685. We were ready to balk at the $675. I know it’s only $10 but it’s principle and it is $10. If I can’t find it, I have to call and as for a copy of our original lease. Wonder how much they’ll charge me for that?
I cleaned my office today. Sort of. I filed and decluttered my desk and surrounding space of unnecessary paper. Now I have files to put away. That shouldn’t be too hard.
Well, it’s time to head home. Until later…
Sunday Aunt Flo came calling and I was crampy and feeling like I was coming down with a cold. I woke up Monday morning with more of the same. Problem was that I wasn’t sick enough to stay home, but felt too lousy to be at work. So I worked.Today is better.
Nelson continues to work long days. His pants were literally falling off him, so until his new uniforms come in he was given special permission to wear some of his bib overalls. When he started he was in a 56” waiste. Right now he’s down to a 44 or 46, depending on the cut. He continues to be my inspiration!
Ann and Travis had lots of opportunity to talk about things. He’s been remodeling their home. He’s completed therapy. It looks like she will move back home in May when the remodeling is complete. That will give them time to start over, having dates and move slowly. Then in the summer they’ll start couples therapy. It sounds like a good plan. We’ll be watching and praying as it unfolds.
Beth and Ron are looking at houses. Ron’s lease is up on his apartment in October. He doesn’t see the point in renting when their plan is to get married next year. They sat and talked with Nelson about how they should go about this. He gave good advice and they listened and actually followed it. Guess we’ll be watching and praying as that unfolds too.
So my very full house could be a very large house much sooner than I anticipated. Our lease is up in July so we need to make some decisions, too. I can’t even describe how I dread even the idea of moving, but I’m not liking some things that are already going on with the management company we’re renting with. They are now saying our rent is $685 with $10 for the pet rent. We can’t locate our copy of the lease. I know we had one, but it’s hiding really well. I’m going to look again tonight. Nelson and I talked about it. There’s just no way that it was $685. We were ready to balk at the $675. I know it’s only $10 but it’s principle and it is $10. If I can’t find it, I have to call and as for a copy of our original lease. Wonder how much they’ll charge me for that?
I cleaned my office today. Sort of. I filed and decluttered my desk and surrounding space of unnecessary paper. Now I have files to put away. That shouldn’t be too hard.
Well, it’s time to head home. Until later…
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Same Old
My life just feels like a series of the same thing over and over repeating itself.
I work during the day. I fill in at Curves—a lot lately. I change a lot of poopy butts.
Sigh.
I’m fighting a sore throat.
Nelson and I are thinking about buying a Curves in Ft. Wayne. How insane is that?
Nelson has lost 130 pounds. But he says he hasn’t really lost it because he’s not looking for it. Clever man!
I have to leave and drive 45 minutes for a meeting in Huron county. I’m sooooo glad the sun is shining today. It’ll be a very wonderful trip!
Pretty soon my lilac will be blooming. Now that’s something to look forward to!
I work during the day. I fill in at Curves—a lot lately. I change a lot of poopy butts.
Sigh.
I’m fighting a sore throat.
Nelson and I are thinking about buying a Curves in Ft. Wayne. How insane is that?
Nelson has lost 130 pounds. But he says he hasn’t really lost it because he’s not looking for it. Clever man!
I have to leave and drive 45 minutes for a meeting in Huron county. I’m sooooo glad the sun is shining today. It’ll be a very wonderful trip!
Pretty soon my lilac will be blooming. Now that’s something to look forward to!
Monday, February 19, 2007
We're Back!
What a wonderful weekend I had!
We finally got moving down the road around 4PM.
Each turn or route we took erased a possibility of our desitnation.
We went south on 71. We went around Columbus on 270 toward Indianapolis. I crossed the border into Indiana (and I didn’t have to have a travel pass to do it!!!!). When we got to Indianapolis we went south on 465 to 65 south, straight down the road to Nashville, Indiana. Ahhhhh, Brown County.
Some of you may remember we spent our 25th anniversary in a lovely cabin there and meandered through the shops and eateries for several days. It was wonderful. Nelson knew how much I enjoyed that and decided to whisk me away for a couple of days there.
At first it seemed long way to go for such a short time---it’s about a 5 hour trip. But it was so lovely. Saturday it did a lazy snow all day—and I didn’t even care!!! Me, the queen of the weather weenies. What did I care! My car was parked, our cozy suite was within walking distance of everything. I was set. Me and my sweetie just soaked it all in.
One of the things I got was a travel mug from the Life is Good shop. It’s one of our favorite shops in town. He played special songs for us about love and our anniversary—the oldies we knew and loved. My mug is dark pink with a heart on one side where it says Life is good! The other side says “Do what you like. Like what you do.”
Since I’m at work now I think I will mind my mug and write more later. TTFN
We finally got moving down the road around 4PM.
Each turn or route we took erased a possibility of our desitnation.
We went south on 71. We went around Columbus on 270 toward Indianapolis. I crossed the border into Indiana (and I didn’t have to have a travel pass to do it!!!!). When we got to Indianapolis we went south on 465 to 65 south, straight down the road to Nashville, Indiana. Ahhhhh, Brown County.
Some of you may remember we spent our 25th anniversary in a lovely cabin there and meandered through the shops and eateries for several days. It was wonderful. Nelson knew how much I enjoyed that and decided to whisk me away for a couple of days there.
At first it seemed long way to go for such a short time---it’s about a 5 hour trip. But it was so lovely. Saturday it did a lazy snow all day—and I didn’t even care!!! Me, the queen of the weather weenies. What did I care! My car was parked, our cozy suite was within walking distance of everything. I was set. Me and my sweetie just soaked it all in.
One of the things I got was a travel mug from the Life is Good shop. It’s one of our favorite shops in town. He played special songs for us about love and our anniversary—the oldies we knew and loved. My mug is dark pink with a heart on one side where it says Life is good! The other side says “Do what you like. Like what you do.”
Since I’m at work now I think I will mind my mug and write more later. TTFN
Friday, February 16, 2007
Anniversary Adventure
Tomorrow (the 17th) is my, our 28th wedding anniversary. Nelson has made arrangements to “kidnap” me. He made sure that the girls had childcare all arranged so that I didn’t need to “worry” about that. He told me to pack a bag for him and me for two days. I was not told what we were doing, except we will be having dinner at Pizza Hut tomorrow night.
We went to Pizza Hut on our first date. We ate at Pizza Hut on our way from the wedding to the lodge at Salt Fork State Park, where we spent our honeymoon. On our way home from the hospital with Annie we stopped at Pizza Hut and celebrated her birth with our Pastor and his wife. We found a Pizza Hut near Nashville, Indiana when we were on our 25th anniversary adventure. So it is right and good to eat at Pizza Hut tomorrow night.
I went to Goodwill and was fortunate to find a pair of Victoria Secret satin pajamas to take with me on the trip. And they were half price! So was the bathing suit I bought for just in case there’s a pool wherever we’re staying.
I called home this morning and asked Annie (both Annie and Beth know Nelson’s plans, but both have done a great job of not letting anything slip) if the clothes I packed were appropriate for the trip. It’s odd. I haven’t wondered or worried about what the adventure will hold. Kind of reminds me of how I felt when I got married—I wasn’t worried and knew I could trust this amazing man.
I hope there is specialness and love in your weekend. I know there will be in mine.
We went to Pizza Hut on our first date. We ate at Pizza Hut on our way from the wedding to the lodge at Salt Fork State Park, where we spent our honeymoon. On our way home from the hospital with Annie we stopped at Pizza Hut and celebrated her birth with our Pastor and his wife. We found a Pizza Hut near Nashville, Indiana when we were on our 25th anniversary adventure. So it is right and good to eat at Pizza Hut tomorrow night.
I went to Goodwill and was fortunate to find a pair of Victoria Secret satin pajamas to take with me on the trip. And they were half price! So was the bathing suit I bought for just in case there’s a pool wherever we’re staying.
I called home this morning and asked Annie (both Annie and Beth know Nelson’s plans, but both have done a great job of not letting anything slip) if the clothes I packed were appropriate for the trip. It’s odd. I haven’t wondered or worried about what the adventure will hold. Kind of reminds me of how I felt when I got married—I wasn’t worried and knew I could trust this amazing man.
I hope there is specialness and love in your weekend. I know there will be in mine.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Babbling
Have you ever wished you were something you’re not?
I wish I was more introverted. Does that sound crazy? I know so many people who wish they were more extroverted.
Please don’t get me wrong. I love most of what it means that I am an extrovert. Except that I think out loud. That piece of my personality has led me into more muddy experiences than I can count or remember.
Here’s an example.
One of the participants in our program was fired because he missed work for a probation violation (happens quite often). Subsequent to that he sat in jail. First thing he checked on when he got out was where his last check was. We needed to get that last paycheck to him and the plan was that we would do that this week when we were in his town doing our WINGS class. Enter the blizzard. I thought his check would be mailed, but I hadn’t gotten the complete word on that. He called me at home last night. I told him my boss was unavailable and that I would get in touch with him this morning. A few minutes ago I come back from a quick trip to the bathroom to find that I missed two calls—from this guy! He wanted to know about his check. I was irritated. I had gone to my boss’ office and he was in a meeting with my co-worker. I was waiting to check on the check when this guy calls.
Enter the extrovert. Enter the feeling driven extrovert. Grrrrrr. I walk to the boss’ office, interrupt the meeting, express only partial frustration and the boss jumps on the guy about the calls. Well, he deserved some of the frustration, but I needed to think way, way through what I needed to say. I said something about being frustrated because I was thinking out loud. My behavior was more like one of our clients than that of a professional.
I just went back and apologized to my boss.
Sometimes my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses.
Now before you jump on me…I know the downside to the introvert’s over-thinking things. An introvert can literally think something to death. I just want to be a little more balanced. Sometimes I think a lock on my mouth might work—or duct tape. I was talking to my prayer partner last week and our conversation got around to this kind of thing and I remember saying that I only open my mouth to change feet. (insert heavy sigh)
Guess that just means there’s room for growth. I hope so…cause I sure don’t like feeling the way I’m feeling right now.
I wish I was more introverted. Does that sound crazy? I know so many people who wish they were more extroverted.
Please don’t get me wrong. I love most of what it means that I am an extrovert. Except that I think out loud. That piece of my personality has led me into more muddy experiences than I can count or remember.
Here’s an example.
One of the participants in our program was fired because he missed work for a probation violation (happens quite often). Subsequent to that he sat in jail. First thing he checked on when he got out was where his last check was. We needed to get that last paycheck to him and the plan was that we would do that this week when we were in his town doing our WINGS class. Enter the blizzard. I thought his check would be mailed, but I hadn’t gotten the complete word on that. He called me at home last night. I told him my boss was unavailable and that I would get in touch with him this morning. A few minutes ago I come back from a quick trip to the bathroom to find that I missed two calls—from this guy! He wanted to know about his check. I was irritated. I had gone to my boss’ office and he was in a meeting with my co-worker. I was waiting to check on the check when this guy calls.
Enter the extrovert. Enter the feeling driven extrovert. Grrrrrr. I walk to the boss’ office, interrupt the meeting, express only partial frustration and the boss jumps on the guy about the calls. Well, he deserved some of the frustration, but I needed to think way, way through what I needed to say. I said something about being frustrated because I was thinking out loud. My behavior was more like one of our clients than that of a professional.
I just went back and apologized to my boss.
Sometimes my greatest strengths are also my greatest weaknesses.
Now before you jump on me…I know the downside to the introvert’s over-thinking things. An introvert can literally think something to death. I just want to be a little more balanced. Sometimes I think a lock on my mouth might work—or duct tape. I was talking to my prayer partner last week and our conversation got around to this kind of thing and I remember saying that I only open my mouth to change feet. (insert heavy sigh)
Guess that just means there’s room for growth. I hope so…cause I sure don’t like feeling the way I’m feeling right now.
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Spousal Pride
I just needed to brag on my sweetie.
Our old scale died over a month ago. We bought a new one. Nelson weighed himself and he was down 119 pounds!!!!!!
This morning Nelson wanted to wear pants to church instead of his bib overalls. I went hunting for the smaller pair we bought at the end of November for him to wear when the big pair got too big. The pair we bought for job hunting had a 54” waist. The other pair was a 50”. Well, the 50” pair fell off him too! So we dug in his pants drawer and found a pair of jeans that were 48”—and they were too big too!!!!! The 54” pair was tight when we bought them so he’s dropped at least 5, if not 6 pants sizes.
I’m just so proud of him…and it sure keeps me working to lose too!
Friday, February 09, 2007
Grace and Flaws
(I lead the devotions at work on Wednesday mornings at 6:30. I started pulling out stuff off my shelves, looking for an idea. I stumbled back across the books mentioned below and realized I had started a post about them, so I am including that here with some more thoughts to go along with them.)
One of the books I bought with my Christmas gift card is “Get Out of Your Own Way.” It’s quite a practical little book and I read through it (very quickly) this morning, looking through it to see if there were parts I could use for the groups I teach. There are some good chapters that I will be implementing. One of the most valuable things was in the introduction (isn’t that the way it goes often) where the authors listed 10 things you can learn from self-defeating behavior. Now there’s some fodder for group work for sure!
Then I picked up one of the other books that I bought: “To Be Told, God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future.” More stuff for groups—ok, and for me! I just read a line that made me lay down the book and start writing: live your life in the right direction. Need to ponder on that for a while.
Try this one on: “God writes the story of my life to make something known about himself. He goes on: in our story God shows us what he’s up to and what he wants us to be about.”
Or this: “When I study and understand my life story, I can then join God as a coauthor.”
This one just makes me smile. Me, a coauthor with God. Since I was very young I have longed to be a writer. My dad painfully announced his judgment of that dream to my childlike heart: you will never write a book. It was as if he doomed me to never having anything of value to say or share with anyone. I have fought against that so much. Spent much time, effort, and money to learn how to have something of value to say.
Allender: You are a story. You are not merely the possessor and teller of a number of stories; you are a well-written, intentional story that is authored by the greatest Writer of all time, and even before time and after time. (p. 10)
“What makes my life a glorious bestseller is that my plot reveals not a mere moral or lesson but the very person and being of God. A merely good life reveals little beyond the fact that goodness exists. But a life that knows it’s plot, characters, setting, dialogue, and themes will possess a clear and abiding passion that reveals something unique about the Author. A life that is familiar with its story reveals much about the character of God.” (P. 22)
We give him (God) much greater glory when we are aware of our calling, live intentionally, and live with passion. P. 22
I just read the second chapter in the book. It’s about knowing your name. The author is obviously coming from the Judeo/Christian perspective where an individual often received a new name later in life that more identified them with their purpose or relationship with God. He moves on then with the exploring the story, or theme of your life.
Chapter three starts with a quote about the “flawed” life. I started to read the quote and just laid the book down on my desk. The resonation at that point was deafening.
There is a definite linking between the theme of our life, our name, and how our story unfolds. I know that my parents wanted a child. They had actually begun considering adoption, to my paternal grandmother’s absolute chagrin. Then I entered the scene. But it was hard to know whether my greater flaw was my distorted appearance from my crossed eyes, or the fact that I lacked male genitalia. Flip a coin. Truth be told I was a disappointment either way. And therein lies this remarkable thread or theme.
When I was a little girl I loved two shows. I remember watching and memorizing the plot and lines from “The Wizard of Oz.” I so related to Dorothy’s search from what was missing only to find it in her own heart and back yard. I loved the Christmas program of Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. I knew I belonged on the Island of Misfit Toys. I so related to that lost and missing piece…and missing peace.
And now I find myself working daily with those who are convinced they don’t fit in and that there lives are so messed up there could never be any purpose or meaning for them. And daily I tell them “Not so!”
What is the message in my flaws? (I feel a little like Dorothy being questioned by Glinda here.) That’s hard. I have always had an affinity to those who don’t feel like they fit in. I loved hospital chaplaincy because many of the people there were living on the raw edge of life that didn’t fit nicely into the clean order of a church pew. I often said I was a better chaplain than church pastor because I felt much more natural in a setting where I was helping come to faith or growth in faith than in making denominational autobots.
And now I find myself in a ministry that really gets in the trenches. I listen to people talk about how they are uncomfortable with the thought of working with the kind of people I work with. I was even confronted recently by a church staff member with their concerns with my interest in serving in a leadership position at church. “We have to be careful to not be a stumbling block. What would people think?”
I will be honest. There are times when I miss preaching, when I miss leading a congregation. And with what I have been through in recent years, I actually think I would be a much better congregational leader. I would be so much more tuned in. But that’s not where I am called or placed. So here on my island I keep planting seeds and watching for faith to grow.
That I am here did not come as a surprise to God. He knew when he called me to ministry and gifted me like he did that my gifts would be valuable right here, right now. I don’t need to run away from the cracks and flaws in my vessel.
Tucked way in the 15th chapter of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians is a marvelous little verse: “…I am what I am by the grace of God…and his grace was not in vain!”
One of the books I bought with my Christmas gift card is “Get Out of Your Own Way.” It’s quite a practical little book and I read through it (very quickly) this morning, looking through it to see if there were parts I could use for the groups I teach. There are some good chapters that I will be implementing. One of the most valuable things was in the introduction (isn’t that the way it goes often) where the authors listed 10 things you can learn from self-defeating behavior. Now there’s some fodder for group work for sure!
Then I picked up one of the other books that I bought: “To Be Told, God Invites You to Coauthor Your Future.” More stuff for groups—ok, and for me! I just read a line that made me lay down the book and start writing: live your life in the right direction. Need to ponder on that for a while.
Try this one on: “God writes the story of my life to make something known about himself. He goes on: in our story God shows us what he’s up to and what he wants us to be about.”
Or this: “When I study and understand my life story, I can then join God as a coauthor.”
This one just makes me smile. Me, a coauthor with God. Since I was very young I have longed to be a writer. My dad painfully announced his judgment of that dream to my childlike heart: you will never write a book. It was as if he doomed me to never having anything of value to say or share with anyone. I have fought against that so much. Spent much time, effort, and money to learn how to have something of value to say.
Allender: You are a story. You are not merely the possessor and teller of a number of stories; you are a well-written, intentional story that is authored by the greatest Writer of all time, and even before time and after time. (p. 10)
“What makes my life a glorious bestseller is that my plot reveals not a mere moral or lesson but the very person and being of God. A merely good life reveals little beyond the fact that goodness exists. But a life that knows it’s plot, characters, setting, dialogue, and themes will possess a clear and abiding passion that reveals something unique about the Author. A life that is familiar with its story reveals much about the character of God.” (P. 22)
We give him (God) much greater glory when we are aware of our calling, live intentionally, and live with passion. P. 22
I just read the second chapter in the book. It’s about knowing your name. The author is obviously coming from the Judeo/Christian perspective where an individual often received a new name later in life that more identified them with their purpose or relationship with God. He moves on then with the exploring the story, or theme of your life.
Chapter three starts with a quote about the “flawed” life. I started to read the quote and just laid the book down on my desk. The resonation at that point was deafening.
There is a definite linking between the theme of our life, our name, and how our story unfolds. I know that my parents wanted a child. They had actually begun considering adoption, to my paternal grandmother’s absolute chagrin. Then I entered the scene. But it was hard to know whether my greater flaw was my distorted appearance from my crossed eyes, or the fact that I lacked male genitalia. Flip a coin. Truth be told I was a disappointment either way. And therein lies this remarkable thread or theme.
When I was a little girl I loved two shows. I remember watching and memorizing the plot and lines from “The Wizard of Oz.” I so related to Dorothy’s search from what was missing only to find it in her own heart and back yard. I loved the Christmas program of Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. I knew I belonged on the Island of Misfit Toys. I so related to that lost and missing piece…and missing peace.
And now I find myself working daily with those who are convinced they don’t fit in and that there lives are so messed up there could never be any purpose or meaning for them. And daily I tell them “Not so!”
What is the message in my flaws? (I feel a little like Dorothy being questioned by Glinda here.) That’s hard. I have always had an affinity to those who don’t feel like they fit in. I loved hospital chaplaincy because many of the people there were living on the raw edge of life that didn’t fit nicely into the clean order of a church pew. I often said I was a better chaplain than church pastor because I felt much more natural in a setting where I was helping come to faith or growth in faith than in making denominational autobots.
And now I find myself in a ministry that really gets in the trenches. I listen to people talk about how they are uncomfortable with the thought of working with the kind of people I work with. I was even confronted recently by a church staff member with their concerns with my interest in serving in a leadership position at church. “We have to be careful to not be a stumbling block. What would people think?”
I will be honest. There are times when I miss preaching, when I miss leading a congregation. And with what I have been through in recent years, I actually think I would be a much better congregational leader. I would be so much more tuned in. But that’s not where I am called or placed. So here on my island I keep planting seeds and watching for faith to grow.
That I am here did not come as a surprise to God. He knew when he called me to ministry and gifted me like he did that my gifts would be valuable right here, right now. I don’t need to run away from the cracks and flaws in my vessel.
Tucked way in the 15th chapter of Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians is a marvelous little verse: “…I am what I am by the grace of God…and his grace was not in vain!”
Monday, February 05, 2007
Courage
A while back I started reading the book: “When Is Enough, Enough? What You Can Do If You Never Feel Satisfied” by Ashner and Meyerson. I had borrowed it from the library. I loved what I was reading and found it very hard not to make notes in the margin.
I love half.com. I got the book and I am devouring it! My yellow marker and red pen are keeping busy—but so is my google internet search engine. I’m finding all kinds of fodder for the classes I teach.
This morning I spent two hours teaching class. Here’s my outline:
1. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses, and how one can become the other.
I draw a continuum on the board and ask them to make a list of their strengths and weaknesses. I have them share some of their strengths and show how when pushed to the limit they can become a weakness. Conversely, I ask them to share a weakness and I show how when reeled back in, these reveal a strength. I tell them it’s time to reclaim their strengths and live in balance.
2. Stress Response: Flight or Fight.
We are wired to survive and protect ourselves from the prowling saber tooth tigers. We identify the tigers (or giants) in our lives that threaten us and how we respond with flight or fight. I lead them in a discussion of how futile flight really is: running gets you nowhere and wherever you go, there you are! We begin to consider the mature ways to fight.
3. Coping through Defense Mechanisms.
I take them through a list of defense mechanisms which may have been helpful at one point, but could be hindering their growth and development.
So, I’m reading and marking in my book and I get to an emboldened heading that stops in my tracks: Do you have the courage to be you? Hmmmm.
Just a little later I found this: “A history of self-sabotage is almost always a key that we have some central conflict with our identity—a problem accepting our personality, our real needs and goals, and working with them, not against them. Our work must begin with building self-esteem. There is no shortcut.” (page 43)
“…we’ve lost the only thing that can possibly make us feel secure—a real connection with ourselves.”
“Recently a woman at one of our workshops confided, ‘I’d like to own a bed and breakfast place, but reality is I have two children and a husband who is about to lose his job. Am I supposed to make the whole family starve while I follow some fantasy?’ What makes us so sure that we’d fail if we pursue a dream? Surely it’s not experience.” (page 44)
Maybe this only speaks to me. Honestly though, I want to believe that I’m not alone in this. I want to succeed, but I’m really afraid. I’m afraid to try because it means I could fail. And even though I know in my head that in reality there’s a process to coming to success that involves a weeding out that is often deemed as failure, the only real and true failure is not trying so by not trying the only thing I get is failure. How convoluted is all that?
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Good Days
Ah, what a wonderful morning I’ve had. I got up at 6. I made Vanilla Biscotti Coffee. And I sat down and engaged an old friend. I have a book I really love. I was looking for it before we moved. I couldn’t find it anywhere. I thought perhaps I had loaned it out and it hadn’t been returned. I was sad because for as much as I love it, I never can remember the title to tell someone about it—or to order a new one if I need it. (In fact I’m going to go get it so I can tell you the name.)
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Asher Day
My ankle is better. Only wore a brace one day. Never even bruised! Even more surprising to me was that I wasn't achy sore the next day. I'm going to attribute that to working out!
Classes went well last week. I do love teaching. This week at work I've spent a lot of time on the phone and typing different things on the computer.
I have my last training session at Curves tonight. Saturday I'll be flying solo. I don't worry about being out in the circuit with the ladies--it's the thought of answering the phone and not knowing the correct answer and doing the deposit. Guess I'll just do what I can and beg forgiveness and ignorance for what I mess up.
Today is Asher's first birthday! It should be a fun time of ripping paper, squeals of joy, and messy cake at my house tonight. Wish you all could join us. Annie is making a Nemo cake. Beth got him a zebra bouncy ride 'em thing, Annie got him a noisy toy that you shoot these balls through, I got him a zebra in a train car to go with a zoo train thing that he got for Christmas, Nemo PJ's, two sippy cups that have pop up straws (NO more spilling), and little slippers he probably won't keep on his feet, but since they were only $2 I thought I'd try.
Other Asher news: he's walking. It's so adorable. The new configuration of living room truly facilitated this. It's so hard to believe a year has gone by--they really do grow up too fast!
Classes went well last week. I do love teaching. This week at work I've spent a lot of time on the phone and typing different things on the computer.
I have my last training session at Curves tonight. Saturday I'll be flying solo. I don't worry about being out in the circuit with the ladies--it's the thought of answering the phone and not knowing the correct answer and doing the deposit. Guess I'll just do what I can and beg forgiveness and ignorance for what I mess up.
Today is Asher's first birthday! It should be a fun time of ripping paper, squeals of joy, and messy cake at my house tonight. Wish you all could join us. Annie is making a Nemo cake. Beth got him a zebra bouncy ride 'em thing, Annie got him a noisy toy that you shoot these balls through, I got him a zebra in a train car to go with a zoo train thing that he got for Christmas, Nemo PJ's, two sippy cups that have pop up straws (NO more spilling), and little slippers he probably won't keep on his feet, but since they were only $2 I thought I'd try.
Other Asher news: he's walking. It's so adorable. The new configuration of living room truly facilitated this. It's so hard to believe a year has gone by--they really do grow up too fast!
Monday, January 15, 2007
Go Boom
So I’m sitting here reading and thinking. I’m sitting here with my foot up. I fell last night. I was coming down the stairs holding Caden—he’s okay. I made sure of that. I, however, have an extremely sore ankle. I have full range of motion—I even went and worked out at Curves this morning (not going to use any excuses to not go), so I’m thinking it’s just nicely strained or sprained. Ouch. I have an ankle support on it and that is helping. I was going to take some Alieve…but it’s buried in a box…somewhere.
But I digress…
Tomorrow I’m teaching two classes. The first is on personality. I love teaching this. We use the Trent/Smalley inventory that results in each participant identifying whether their personality is that of a lion, a beaver, a golden retriever, or an otter. I then link that with other inventory information and discuss personality and the workplace, relationships, and communication. It’s a fun look at the topic that really provides some personal information and insight enabling the participants the opportunity to look at themselves in a non-threatening but enlightening sort of way.
The second class I’ll be teaching is on genius. We all are geniuses, you know. We’re the experts on us. It leads to a discussion of motivation and dreaming. It’s good stuff and quite a bit of fun for me.
On Wednesday I’ll teach about creating SMART goals and on Thursday I’ll be teaching about improving our communication skills.
It’s now time to get ready to go home to prepare for training at Curves. I wish I was enjoying this, but my trainer is trying to train and run the business. I have learned how to clean the place. I also understand the machines and the process. Wish I felt more like I was ready to do the job. So far it’s been a lot about selling the place. I have three more days of 4 till 8 (Mon., Tues., Wed.). I’m just planning to work very part time: every other Saturday and an evening each week. Not much work for a lot of benefits—it’s all good!
Well, I need to run…er, hobble. Actually, the ankle is feeling better. Spending time at the computer today has really helped. TTFN.
But I digress…
Tomorrow I’m teaching two classes. The first is on personality. I love teaching this. We use the Trent/Smalley inventory that results in each participant identifying whether their personality is that of a lion, a beaver, a golden retriever, or an otter. I then link that with other inventory information and discuss personality and the workplace, relationships, and communication. It’s a fun look at the topic that really provides some personal information and insight enabling the participants the opportunity to look at themselves in a non-threatening but enlightening sort of way.
The second class I’ll be teaching is on genius. We all are geniuses, you know. We’re the experts on us. It leads to a discussion of motivation and dreaming. It’s good stuff and quite a bit of fun for me.
On Wednesday I’ll teach about creating SMART goals and on Thursday I’ll be teaching about improving our communication skills.
It’s now time to get ready to go home to prepare for training at Curves. I wish I was enjoying this, but my trainer is trying to train and run the business. I have learned how to clean the place. I also understand the machines and the process. Wish I felt more like I was ready to do the job. So far it’s been a lot about selling the place. I have three more days of 4 till 8 (Mon., Tues., Wed.). I’m just planning to work very part time: every other Saturday and an evening each week. Not much work for a lot of benefits—it’s all good!
Well, I need to run…er, hobble. Actually, the ankle is feeling better. Spending time at the computer today has really helped. TTFN.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Moving Day
Well, we’re moved.
We had several come and help this morning. All but three were from our Sunday School class. One had serious heart attacks a couple years back. One had double cataract surgery last month. One had a double mastectomy last summer. One was close to 70. The others weren’t spring chickens—but golly how they all worked. A wonderful lady in our class brought us an amazing lunch—on the way over to feed and care for her bedfast daughter who has MS.
Bottom line: I got my socks blessed off today and so did Nelson. Nelson was very careful to abide by the lifting limitation that has been imposed upon him since his injury: nothing more than 25 pounds. I was hard for him to ask for help. Hard to accept it. But hardest of all was watching everyone else work and only really being able to direct traffic.
Another person that just impressed my socks off and blessed my little heart was Beth’s boyfriend, Ron. Wow. This guy worked tirelessly moving boxes and then today was the strongest young back we had. He moved all the appliances. We sent Ron and Beth to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner as a small way of saying thanks for all their hard work.
I have so many boxes to unpack. I had to come into the office to get something and snuck in a couple moments here on the computer. We’ll be without computer or cable until Monday. Hopefully by then I’ll resurrect the office…wish me luck on that one.
Well, Ann just called and wants a treat from Dairy Queen. She had baby duty all day—no easy task! Guess she deserves a treat too. A Moolatte sounds kind of indulgent to me too!
Sleep well…I know I will!
We had several come and help this morning. All but three were from our Sunday School class. One had serious heart attacks a couple years back. One had double cataract surgery last month. One had a double mastectomy last summer. One was close to 70. The others weren’t spring chickens—but golly how they all worked. A wonderful lady in our class brought us an amazing lunch—on the way over to feed and care for her bedfast daughter who has MS.
Bottom line: I got my socks blessed off today and so did Nelson. Nelson was very careful to abide by the lifting limitation that has been imposed upon him since his injury: nothing more than 25 pounds. I was hard for him to ask for help. Hard to accept it. But hardest of all was watching everyone else work and only really being able to direct traffic.
Another person that just impressed my socks off and blessed my little heart was Beth’s boyfriend, Ron. Wow. This guy worked tirelessly moving boxes and then today was the strongest young back we had. He moved all the appliances. We sent Ron and Beth to Ruby Tuesday’s for dinner as a small way of saying thanks for all their hard work.
I have so many boxes to unpack. I had to come into the office to get something and snuck in a couple moments here on the computer. We’ll be without computer or cable until Monday. Hopefully by then I’ll resurrect the office…wish me luck on that one.
Well, Ann just called and wants a treat from Dairy Queen. She had baby duty all day—no easy task! Guess she deserves a treat too. A Moolatte sounds kind of indulgent to me too!
Sleep well…I know I will!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Part of the Plot
It's been a wild week. Lots of packing. We thought Asher might have chicken pox, but it only turned out to be a viral rash after a couple days of high fever. Thank you, God!
I've worn some of my skinny clothes and it feels so good. I am finally feeling okay about looking attractive. There was such a mental stigma attached to that for me. What typically would happen is that I would get right at the edge of feeling good and I would balloon back up.
Ballooning shouldn't be much of an issue for me. I got a part time job with Curves!!! I'm so excited. My membership will be paid as a part of my compensation--so I've done a good thing to reduce our monthly expenditures. And then my paycheck will serve as my mad money...so I won't need to ask for money--which I'm totally no good at. I start training today.
Ann and I were talking on the way home from our workout at Curves. Nelson has been a packing machine. After packing too much of the bathroom--leaving us no neosporon to use in the meantime, he's been more careful to leave the essentials unpacked until the move on Saturday. Ann decided he went to far again. He packed all the hot chocolate!
We had a good chuckle. Daddy just didn't see cocoa as an essential. Now isn't that just like a man for you? We (I) decided that the recent medical revelation that chocolate has benefits for one's cardiovascular system is really just a ruse by an underground feminist group to get men to quit dogging us about our absolute need for chocolate. As long as they believe that there's value then perhaps we won't have to indulge our cravings in secret any longer.
Now, if we could just find a medical substantiation for cookie dough!
Hershey Kisses for everyone!
I've worn some of my skinny clothes and it feels so good. I am finally feeling okay about looking attractive. There was such a mental stigma attached to that for me. What typically would happen is that I would get right at the edge of feeling good and I would balloon back up.
Ballooning shouldn't be much of an issue for me. I got a part time job with Curves!!! I'm so excited. My membership will be paid as a part of my compensation--so I've done a good thing to reduce our monthly expenditures. And then my paycheck will serve as my mad money...so I won't need to ask for money--which I'm totally no good at. I start training today.
Ann and I were talking on the way home from our workout at Curves. Nelson has been a packing machine. After packing too much of the bathroom--leaving us no neosporon to use in the meantime, he's been more careful to leave the essentials unpacked until the move on Saturday. Ann decided he went to far again. He packed all the hot chocolate!
We had a good chuckle. Daddy just didn't see cocoa as an essential. Now isn't that just like a man for you? We (I) decided that the recent medical revelation that chocolate has benefits for one's cardiovascular system is really just a ruse by an underground feminist group to get men to quit dogging us about our absolute need for chocolate. As long as they believe that there's value then perhaps we won't have to indulge our cravings in secret any longer.
Now, if we could just find a medical substantiation for cookie dough!
Hershey Kisses for everyone!
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