I ducked out of work for about an hour and a half yesterday to go to Beth’s first OB/GYN appointment. My first roll was to provide family health history. It’s nice to be useful.
Now some people wondered why I called the baby a girl. Beth was adamant that she was having and wanted a girl. I was accommodating her. And I was hoping I guess at some inner level for another girl, too.
I was surprised when the doc said he’d be giving her an ultrasound right then. Remember the old days when you had to drink so much water it hurt and then the tech would have you cross your legs and wait to see if the pics came out okay? Maybe that was just my nightmare.
We learned two things from the ultrasound. Beth is five months pregnant. That’s further along than she thought. It puts her due date at January 23, 2006. I told her she better not mess up the Superbowl, but Nelson said he thought it would be fun to watch it at the hospital. I think he had silly visions of nachos in bedpans.
The second thing we learned is that we are actually starting Nelson’s little league baseball team. Yes, much to Beth’s disappointment, she’s having a little boy. She’s not so much sad that the baby is a boy as she is sad that now it’s just going to produce another argument between her and the boyfriend—this time over the name. He’s adamant that if the baby was a boy that he will be named Jerry after his father (and many of the men in his family). He is constantly accusing Beth of being selfish and irresponsible. He’s threatened to kidnap the baby and run away. He’s threatened to kill himself. He’s said that Beth will never get custody because she’s irresponsible can’t manage her money. Now that’s an odd one: when she is responsible and pays her bills she’s selfish because she doesn’t give him money when he needs it because he’s squandered his check on absolutely nothing responsible. It’s not a healthy relationship.
Sorry about that tangent…back to the good stuff.
Last night I was just exhausted after work. It seemed like my entire body decided to ache at once. I was lying on the couch fighting to stay awake so that I could go to bed at 9 and sleep through the night. Even in my exhaustion my heart was smiling. Beth had been given this bag of information and magazines. She had started reading them before I even got home. She kept telling me facts and things that she had learned from her reading. She’s going to be a good mom. Here’s one of the things I didn’t know: did you? Did you know that a baby’s ears grow from the inside out? Beth’s baby has ears now. He weighs 10oz less than a can of pop but more than two sticks of butter.
Enough rambling. I need to get moving or I’ll be late for work. Oh, and I kinda got the impression from Buddy that I’ll be kept on hourly for the time being. It won’t hurt my paycheck any, but I sure wish I just had the freedom to work.
Have a wonder-full sort of Wednesday.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Monday, August 29, 2005
Just a bit before bed...
I’m so tired and so far behind on reading, writing and noting. It’s not that the week has been without its moments. It has been full of ups and downs. I know this, I’m just not sure I can recall them long enough to cast them upon your computer screen.
I am sure that my tiredness is majorly attributable to continuing to work 10hr days and both of the last two Saturdays.
Mom and George came for the weekend. It was so good to see my mom. We played as much scrabble as we could cram in. All three nights I played until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. She won the series. Losing didn’t even bother me—it was just so much fun!
Mom loved Rocky. I was afraid he was going to be a problem, but he totally endeared himself to her. It just made me smile. She bought him a bag of pig’s ear strips. Can you believe it? She was spoiling the puppy? This is not the woman who raised me, but I like her a whole lot!
Ann, Travis and Penelope came yesterday for Sunday dinner. We were going to go out, but I recommended that we get Kentucky Fried Chicken instead and eat it here where Penelope could romp and play with the dog. She was quite the entertainer. We all laughed at her antics and decided she was pure genius and joy. Wonder what we’ll do with two more at these gatherings. Better get another camera!
Work has been interesting. I continue to be blessed as I watch Deb blossom in her job and her confidence. And while that has been an occupational high, there has been severe disappointment with one of the other employees, to the point that I agreed with Dan and she’s no longer employed with us. Make me sad, but with all of her mistakes and issues from a supervisory position: if she was a cat she’d be dead she’s run out of mulligans, do-overs, and second chances. Honestly, today, I didn’t miss her added drama—not in the least.
I spent a lot of time last week just trying to pump this chick up. By Friday I was so tired of being her personal cheerleader: You can do it. I believe in you. Keep trying. Chin up. Blech. At one point I just rested my head in my hands at my desk and wondered half out loud: who encourages the encourager? Then I remembered all of you and smiled and got back to work.
This morning there was a meeting with the company owner, Ed (plant manager), P (CFO), Dan (T-Net chairman), and me. I used all my word skills and persuasion to make my point on how many people we need, how to figure production, and other issues of importance to me. I actually think everyone but Dan heard me and he might have caught some of it.
(A paragraph was deleted here to address privacy issues related to work.)
Okay. That’s enough for tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to work hard and then go with Beth to her first doctor’s appointment. She normally weighs about 105lbs—for a while people really wondered if she was anorexic. So that baby is pooching straight out---making such a cute little belly. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll hear her heart beating and get an idea of when we’ll meet her face to face. Grammy’s pretty excited about this one!
Sweet dreams all.
I am sure that my tiredness is majorly attributable to continuing to work 10hr days and both of the last two Saturdays.
Mom and George came for the weekend. It was so good to see my mom. We played as much scrabble as we could cram in. All three nights I played until I couldn’t keep my eyes open. She won the series. Losing didn’t even bother me—it was just so much fun!
Mom loved Rocky. I was afraid he was going to be a problem, but he totally endeared himself to her. It just made me smile. She bought him a bag of pig’s ear strips. Can you believe it? She was spoiling the puppy? This is not the woman who raised me, but I like her a whole lot!
Ann, Travis and Penelope came yesterday for Sunday dinner. We were going to go out, but I recommended that we get Kentucky Fried Chicken instead and eat it here where Penelope could romp and play with the dog. She was quite the entertainer. We all laughed at her antics and decided she was pure genius and joy. Wonder what we’ll do with two more at these gatherings. Better get another camera!
Work has been interesting. I continue to be blessed as I watch Deb blossom in her job and her confidence. And while that has been an occupational high, there has been severe disappointment with one of the other employees, to the point that I agreed with Dan and she’s no longer employed with us. Make me sad, but with all of her mistakes and issues from a supervisory position: if she was a cat she’d be dead she’s run out of mulligans, do-overs, and second chances. Honestly, today, I didn’t miss her added drama—not in the least.
I spent a lot of time last week just trying to pump this chick up. By Friday I was so tired of being her personal cheerleader: You can do it. I believe in you. Keep trying. Chin up. Blech. At one point I just rested my head in my hands at my desk and wondered half out loud: who encourages the encourager? Then I remembered all of you and smiled and got back to work.
This morning there was a meeting with the company owner, Ed (plant manager), P (CFO), Dan (T-Net chairman), and me. I used all my word skills and persuasion to make my point on how many people we need, how to figure production, and other issues of importance to me. I actually think everyone but Dan heard me and he might have caught some of it.
(A paragraph was deleted here to address privacy issues related to work.)
Okay. That’s enough for tonight. Tomorrow I’m going to work hard and then go with Beth to her first doctor’s appointment. She normally weighs about 105lbs—for a while people really wondered if she was anorexic. So that baby is pooching straight out---making such a cute little belly. Hopefully tomorrow we’ll hear her heart beating and get an idea of when we’ll meet her face to face. Grammy’s pretty excited about this one!
Sweet dreams all.
Monday, August 22, 2005
Very Rough Day
It’s been a terribly rough day. We made two huge, and I mean HUGE errors. Part of me wants to feel responsible for them, and ultimately as the supervisor I know I am…but I also realize that everyone else on the team signed off on the parts/packaging—no one else caught them. We’re all on the sinking ship.
I am so upset about the mistakes that I am actually feeling sick about it. Then I came home and tried to make some supper, Tuna Helper, for Nelson and Beth. It came out terribly soupy. Beth was half complaining about how it wasn’t setting up, so I told her to put it in a bowl and eat it with a spoon. I just about couldn’t handle another mess up. They did eat it and said it at least tasted good. I have a very smart family.
I’m sitting on the couch half dead and totally discouraged after work and Nelson announces that Ann and Penelope are coming over…TONIGHT. I thought he might be kidding, but he was not. They are now here. Chaos is an almost two curly top barnstormer, a rambunctious puppy, two pregnant daughters, and a hub who can barely get out of bed. I don’t have the energy for it tonight. Maybe if I sleep well…but I’m so stressed about work I’m not sure I will sleep…It maybe a Tylenol PM kind of night.
The reason that Ann and Penelope are here (though two days early) is to clean my house. Ann has a mild case of OCD and is an excellent cleaner. That’s a good thing since my mother, who has a moderate to severe case of OCD, will be here on Friday with her husband. If that’s not stressful enough, Ann wants to leave Penelope here when she goes home on Thursday night. That means Nelson (the semi-incapacitated) would have to care for her by himself on Friday and on my two days off when I would want to play scrabble with my mom I will have to tend to the baby and chase the dog.
This is one time I’m not sure I’m excited about being a grammy. She needs us to watch the baby. We love caring for Penelope. She is such a joy…an energetic, temperamental joy. We have never said no. We won’t say no now.
My foot is getting much better. The toe barely hurts. What do I need a toenail for anyway? The arch/sprain is still sore. It helped today to wear the same shoe and use my inserts. Nelson is improving too. Yesterday he had his first shower in 2 months. It took a lot of energy to balance on one leg for the whole time, but he liked being clean and fresh. I took him to Ponderosa for lunch and then to get a haircut. He was so happy to get out and about. He was even willing to sit in the car while I ran in and grabbed some groceries.
I guess I’ll go downstairs and get a hug and kiss from Penelope and then head to bed. I feel a bit like Anne Shirley from Green Gables: I’m glad tomorrow has no mistakes in it yet! Hope there’s few mistakes and lots of smiles in your tomorrow.
I am so upset about the mistakes that I am actually feeling sick about it. Then I came home and tried to make some supper, Tuna Helper, for Nelson and Beth. It came out terribly soupy. Beth was half complaining about how it wasn’t setting up, so I told her to put it in a bowl and eat it with a spoon. I just about couldn’t handle another mess up. They did eat it and said it at least tasted good. I have a very smart family.
I’m sitting on the couch half dead and totally discouraged after work and Nelson announces that Ann and Penelope are coming over…TONIGHT. I thought he might be kidding, but he was not. They are now here. Chaos is an almost two curly top barnstormer, a rambunctious puppy, two pregnant daughters, and a hub who can barely get out of bed. I don’t have the energy for it tonight. Maybe if I sleep well…but I’m so stressed about work I’m not sure I will sleep…It maybe a Tylenol PM kind of night.
The reason that Ann and Penelope are here (though two days early) is to clean my house. Ann has a mild case of OCD and is an excellent cleaner. That’s a good thing since my mother, who has a moderate to severe case of OCD, will be here on Friday with her husband. If that’s not stressful enough, Ann wants to leave Penelope here when she goes home on Thursday night. That means Nelson (the semi-incapacitated) would have to care for her by himself on Friday and on my two days off when I would want to play scrabble with my mom I will have to tend to the baby and chase the dog.
This is one time I’m not sure I’m excited about being a grammy. She needs us to watch the baby. We love caring for Penelope. She is such a joy…an energetic, temperamental joy. We have never said no. We won’t say no now.
My foot is getting much better. The toe barely hurts. What do I need a toenail for anyway? The arch/sprain is still sore. It helped today to wear the same shoe and use my inserts. Nelson is improving too. Yesterday he had his first shower in 2 months. It took a lot of energy to balance on one leg for the whole time, but he liked being clean and fresh. I took him to Ponderosa for lunch and then to get a haircut. He was so happy to get out and about. He was even willing to sit in the car while I ran in and grabbed some groceries.
I guess I’ll go downstairs and get a hug and kiss from Penelope and then head to bed. I feel a bit like Anne Shirley from Green Gables: I’m glad tomorrow has no mistakes in it yet! Hope there’s few mistakes and lots of smiles in your tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
So Far This Week
Monday:
I wore the boot. It was heavy…but seemed to weigh the most when I went to the doctor’s office. That was totally unfair. I followed the young skinny nurse person through the door and her first words were: step on the scale and let’s get your weight.
What!!!!! I have worked hard and am quite proud of losing over 30 pounds. But I stepped on that scale with two steel toed work boots on and saw half my work disappear. I wanted to cry. The pain in my soul far exceeded the pain in my foot.
I sat quietly in the exam room. I left straight from work so I didn’t have a book or my PalmPilot to play scrabble on. The doctor finally arrived. He had me take the bandage off—which I really appreciated. He showed me the x-ray and there is a questionable black line on my toe just below the nail area right on the outside edge. Possibly a fracture? So the whole wound is considered an open fracture and needs to be redressed twice a day and I need to be on an antibiotic. Still only Advil or Tylenol for pain.
Tuesday:
Still wearing Nelson’s work boot. Still heavy. An interesting day at work. And a growth piece too!
In my former life (aka before my world collapsed), I worked hard. But in that working I had a very strong tendency to “make myself indispensable.” I was the expert on whatever I was doing. I would never have considered training my replacement on the off-chance they might be better and take my job. Can you say control and insecurity?
Well, I have learned my lesson and it has a sweet reward! Monday we received the computer and printers from the parent company we package for (big industry name). Tuesday they were coming to train us on them. Monday afternoon, B came and asked if I thought Debbie (one of my team) should be trained as my back up. I never flinched. I thought it was a superb idea. On Friday I had taught her how to do the inventory. She was quite tickled to have the new opportunity and added responsibility.
Here’s the thing. I’m not threatened. I am so excited to be a part of her growth and excitement. And she did really well with the training. The parent company was really impressed with her too. (insert big proud smile)
The only down side to yesterday was the whole issue of having tons of work and not enough workers. When the parent company sends us parts we’re supposed to have them packaged on a 5 day turnaround. Right now we’re at more like a ten to fifteen day turnaround. And on top of the 16, 599 parts I need to get out for the parent company, I have 9,600 parts to package in the next ten days that we’re making in house.
I went to talk to Mr. R about it (company owner), but he was gone. So I stopped and talked with the CFO and he told me that I would need 18 workers to get it all done. I only have 5. Maybe that’s why I didn’t sleep so well.
We’re considering working 10 hour days to try and catch up a little. And I thought I was tired already?
Wednesday:
Well, it’s still the wee hours of the morning. I’m going to get washed up and head out the door. Today I’m going to try and wear my own shoe: my old work shoes that a little bigger. I tried it on. It fit over the bulbous bandage—just don’t know if it will work for all day…only way to know is to try. Fill you in later.
I wore the boot. It was heavy…but seemed to weigh the most when I went to the doctor’s office. That was totally unfair. I followed the young skinny nurse person through the door and her first words were: step on the scale and let’s get your weight.
What!!!!! I have worked hard and am quite proud of losing over 30 pounds. But I stepped on that scale with two steel toed work boots on and saw half my work disappear. I wanted to cry. The pain in my soul far exceeded the pain in my foot.
I sat quietly in the exam room. I left straight from work so I didn’t have a book or my PalmPilot to play scrabble on. The doctor finally arrived. He had me take the bandage off—which I really appreciated. He showed me the x-ray and there is a questionable black line on my toe just below the nail area right on the outside edge. Possibly a fracture? So the whole wound is considered an open fracture and needs to be redressed twice a day and I need to be on an antibiotic. Still only Advil or Tylenol for pain.
Tuesday:
Still wearing Nelson’s work boot. Still heavy. An interesting day at work. And a growth piece too!
In my former life (aka before my world collapsed), I worked hard. But in that working I had a very strong tendency to “make myself indispensable.” I was the expert on whatever I was doing. I would never have considered training my replacement on the off-chance they might be better and take my job. Can you say control and insecurity?
Well, I have learned my lesson and it has a sweet reward! Monday we received the computer and printers from the parent company we package for (big industry name). Tuesday they were coming to train us on them. Monday afternoon, B came and asked if I thought Debbie (one of my team) should be trained as my back up. I never flinched. I thought it was a superb idea. On Friday I had taught her how to do the inventory. She was quite tickled to have the new opportunity and added responsibility.
Here’s the thing. I’m not threatened. I am so excited to be a part of her growth and excitement. And she did really well with the training. The parent company was really impressed with her too. (insert big proud smile)
The only down side to yesterday was the whole issue of having tons of work and not enough workers. When the parent company sends us parts we’re supposed to have them packaged on a 5 day turnaround. Right now we’re at more like a ten to fifteen day turnaround. And on top of the 16, 599 parts I need to get out for the parent company, I have 9,600 parts to package in the next ten days that we’re making in house.
I went to talk to Mr. R about it (company owner), but he was gone. So I stopped and talked with the CFO and he told me that I would need 18 workers to get it all done. I only have 5. Maybe that’s why I didn’t sleep so well.
We’re considering working 10 hour days to try and catch up a little. And I thought I was tired already?
Wednesday:
Well, it’s still the wee hours of the morning. I’m going to get washed up and head out the door. Today I’m going to try and wear my own shoe: my old work shoes that a little bigger. I tried it on. It fit over the bulbous bandage—just don’t know if it will work for all day…only way to know is to try. Fill you in later.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
News from Gimpville
Yesterday I worked too hard. I was locked out of the office where the paperwork was. I did a few things in the office, but I was busier driving the tow motor and eventually ended up making cartons. By evening my foot was good and sore. I took a couple Tylenol PM’s before bed, hoping to get some much needed sleep.
And sleep I did. I didn’t wake up until after 8:30 this morning. I made Beth and Nelson pancakes for breakfast. They like that on Sunday mornings. After Beth went to work I gave Nelson a bath and washed his hair. He felt much better.
We ate out today with Nelson’s boss and some other friends. Nelson used his walker to get out of the house. We were very careful on the end of the ramp where I fell. He was able to ride in the front seat of my Kia with very little pain. It was fun to watch him enjoy being out. This was his first trip out to something other than a doctor’s appointment or the hospital. His smile was worth all my pain. One of the cute moments was when he had hobbled out to the car. Remember I wrote that Nelson’s boss, Dave, fell off a ladder and fractured his leg? Well, we looked like some kind of Gimp Club. (Picture it: Dave's on crutches, Nelson is in a wheel chair, and I'm hobbling along.) Dave’s wife Linda is the RN administrator of a Nursing Home. She said she felt like she was out to lunch with a bunch of clients. After lunch when we hobbled out to our vehicles, Linda got a pic of Nelson, Dave, and I by my car, holding up our wounded left legs and feet. I may have to blow that one up!
I’m really having some nasty twinges in the empty nail bed and some seepage. Last night before bed I tried on one of Nelson’s steel toe work boots. They fit “okay” with my foot and ankle wrapped in an ace bandage and a slipper sock on—along with the big toe bandage on. The boots are the boots that Nelson bought for Ann’s wedding last fall, so they’re his “dress” boots and I’m under strict orders not to get them scuffed up. I think I’ll be so protective of that foot that it shouldn’t be a problem.
Updates on Ann and Beth: Beth is being very responsible. She’s checked into getting aid and we’ve talked about childcare after the baby is born. She’s also checked into some full time jobs. The boyfriend is running hot and cold on the whole idea. I’m not too surprised—when it’s not something you plan for, it can be hard to adjust to. Ann and Travis are still struggling. They had a huge fight yesterday and he threatened violence. She threatened to call the police and leave. He said she couldn’t leave without the car seat for the baby and drove away in the car that had it. Ann decided to wait and see how he was when he got home. We haven’t heard from her today. Hopefully, they talking things through. His biggest complaint (that we’ve heard about) is with Ann’s decision and desire to stay at home with the babies (Penelope and the new baby due in November). We’ll call her later when Travis goes to work to see how things are.
And the puppy…we still have him. He’s still cute. But tell me…I have two feet for him to lunge at: WHY must he go for the wounded one? It’s amazing how much pain that little critter can inflict when he lands on my nail-less toe!
My wonderful hubster ordered taco pizza for dinner. Guess what I’ll be having for lunch tomorrow too? For dinner I think we’ll have BLT’s since the neighbor brought us over some wonderful tomatoes from his garden.
And now I think I’ll put my weary body and very sore toe to bed. Sweetest of dreams to you! And yours.
And sleep I did. I didn’t wake up until after 8:30 this morning. I made Beth and Nelson pancakes for breakfast. They like that on Sunday mornings. After Beth went to work I gave Nelson a bath and washed his hair. He felt much better.
We ate out today with Nelson’s boss and some other friends. Nelson used his walker to get out of the house. We were very careful on the end of the ramp where I fell. He was able to ride in the front seat of my Kia with very little pain. It was fun to watch him enjoy being out. This was his first trip out to something other than a doctor’s appointment or the hospital. His smile was worth all my pain. One of the cute moments was when he had hobbled out to the car. Remember I wrote that Nelson’s boss, Dave, fell off a ladder and fractured his leg? Well, we looked like some kind of Gimp Club. (Picture it: Dave's on crutches, Nelson is in a wheel chair, and I'm hobbling along.) Dave’s wife Linda is the RN administrator of a Nursing Home. She said she felt like she was out to lunch with a bunch of clients. After lunch when we hobbled out to our vehicles, Linda got a pic of Nelson, Dave, and I by my car, holding up our wounded left legs and feet. I may have to blow that one up!
I’m really having some nasty twinges in the empty nail bed and some seepage. Last night before bed I tried on one of Nelson’s steel toe work boots. They fit “okay” with my foot and ankle wrapped in an ace bandage and a slipper sock on—along with the big toe bandage on. The boots are the boots that Nelson bought for Ann’s wedding last fall, so they’re his “dress” boots and I’m under strict orders not to get them scuffed up. I think I’ll be so protective of that foot that it shouldn’t be a problem.
Updates on Ann and Beth: Beth is being very responsible. She’s checked into getting aid and we’ve talked about childcare after the baby is born. She’s also checked into some full time jobs. The boyfriend is running hot and cold on the whole idea. I’m not too surprised—when it’s not something you plan for, it can be hard to adjust to. Ann and Travis are still struggling. They had a huge fight yesterday and he threatened violence. She threatened to call the police and leave. He said she couldn’t leave without the car seat for the baby and drove away in the car that had it. Ann decided to wait and see how he was when he got home. We haven’t heard from her today. Hopefully, they talking things through. His biggest complaint (that we’ve heard about) is with Ann’s decision and desire to stay at home with the babies (Penelope and the new baby due in November). We’ll call her later when Travis goes to work to see how things are.
And the puppy…we still have him. He’s still cute. But tell me…I have two feet for him to lunge at: WHY must he go for the wounded one? It’s amazing how much pain that little critter can inflict when he lands on my nail-less toe!
My wonderful hubster ordered taco pizza for dinner. Guess what I’ll be having for lunch tomorrow too? For dinner I think we’ll have BLT’s since the neighbor brought us over some wonderful tomatoes from his garden.
And now I think I’ll put my weary body and very sore toe to bed. Sweetest of dreams to you! And yours.
Friday, August 12, 2005
It's Official
I'm a klutz.
Tonight, around 7:30 I was taking the dog out to let him do his business. I got to the end of the ramp and slipped. My left leg went under me and I ripped my "great toe" nail almost completely off. Instant blood...tremendous pain.
Beth had just left to go to her boyfriend's for the evening. I had Nelson call her and tell her to come home to take me to the ER. Nelson was frantic for me...even offered to come with us to the ER...like that was going to happen!
I am not fond of ER's. You wait way too long. Staff is over worked and grumpy. It's never a good experience. I was pleasantly surprised tonight. The staff was a hoot and we laughed the entire time we were there.
Well, maybe not the entire time. I wasn't laughing when the nurse gave me the tetnus shot. I couldn't remember the last time I had one...always means you're going to get one. She was good and I barely felt the needle go in. I will tomorrow, I know. I wasn't laughing when the doc was shooting novacaine into my "great toe", either. That hurt a lot. Not the needle, the med. Oooooo. I closed my eyes when the doc pulled off the nail. It didn't hurt, but I didn't want to see it.
I had x-rays. Nothing is broken. I did sprain my arch. That hurts quite a bit. The whole foot is starting to throb since the novacaine is wearing off. I wonder how much Advil I'll need to take to knock that pain out? No script for pain meds. Yehaw.
I'm scheduled to work tomorrow. I'll just be sitting at my desk. I have to go in. If I don't we'll fall just that much farther behind and after the fiasco of a day we had today...let's just say it was really bad...I have to go in. Besides, I have no way to contact anyone on the team to cancel. Going to be a long day. Good thing I have lots of paperwork to keep busy with.
So that's just one more thing on my plate. But I am thankful. Nothing is broken. I have a job that has insurance. And in one fell swoop I probably knocked out all my deductable.
Hope you sleep well tonight...
Tonight, around 7:30 I was taking the dog out to let him do his business. I got to the end of the ramp and slipped. My left leg went under me and I ripped my "great toe" nail almost completely off. Instant blood...tremendous pain.
Beth had just left to go to her boyfriend's for the evening. I had Nelson call her and tell her to come home to take me to the ER. Nelson was frantic for me...even offered to come with us to the ER...like that was going to happen!
I am not fond of ER's. You wait way too long. Staff is over worked and grumpy. It's never a good experience. I was pleasantly surprised tonight. The staff was a hoot and we laughed the entire time we were there.
Well, maybe not the entire time. I wasn't laughing when the nurse gave me the tetnus shot. I couldn't remember the last time I had one...always means you're going to get one. She was good and I barely felt the needle go in. I will tomorrow, I know. I wasn't laughing when the doc was shooting novacaine into my "great toe", either. That hurt a lot. Not the needle, the med. Oooooo. I closed my eyes when the doc pulled off the nail. It didn't hurt, but I didn't want to see it.
I had x-rays. Nothing is broken. I did sprain my arch. That hurts quite a bit. The whole foot is starting to throb since the novacaine is wearing off. I wonder how much Advil I'll need to take to knock that pain out? No script for pain meds. Yehaw.
I'm scheduled to work tomorrow. I'll just be sitting at my desk. I have to go in. If I don't we'll fall just that much farther behind and after the fiasco of a day we had today...let's just say it was really bad...I have to go in. Besides, I have no way to contact anyone on the team to cancel. Going to be a long day. Good thing I have lots of paperwork to keep busy with.
So that's just one more thing on my plate. But I am thankful. Nothing is broken. I have a job that has insurance. And in one fell swoop I probably knocked out all my deductable.
Hope you sleep well tonight...
Monday, August 08, 2005
Somewhat Overwhelmed
I’m feeling overwhelmed. Like I’m taking on water. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.
Yesterday Beth and I drove (I drove and Beth rode) to Indy to the Brickyard 400! It was completely awesome. There just aren’t words to describe how amazing it was. It was so loud. It was so neat to be there with SO MANY OTHER people. We left before it was over and avoided my traffic phobia. Beth and I had a great time together. It was just the best.
Then as I was laying my very weary head upon my pillow, Beth came to my room and said she needed to talk, that she was SO stressed out. She sat on my bed and started to cry. Then she told me that she was pregnant. I knew what she was going to say before the words tumbled out of her mouth. I hugged her. I told her I love her. And I told her that we were going to go downstairs and tell her dad. That didn’t make her happy, but we went down and did it together. He was stunned but said all the right things. I was very proud of him.
Ann shared while she was here that she and Travis have been having more problems and keep bandying about the “D” word: divorce. This breaks my heart. Both situations with the girls make me wonder what I did wrong as a parent. Not so much that they ended up pregnant, though I wish it was different for them, but that they have ended up in relationships with men (and not just their current relationships) who don’t value them and make them happy. It’s as if they settle because they don’t feel as if they’re worth more than that. How did I not convey that to them?
I talked with Ann a little about it today and she said that Nelson and I put too high an expectation on them and they rebelled against it. I tried to express that it wasn’t an expectation as much as it was a hope. Semantics, I guess.
Nelson is in more pain today as he has been trying to stand, sit up, and move around more. Ann went to Walmart yesterday to get his prescription. (She was here for the weekend to care for Nelson while Beth and I were at the race.) The pharmacy wasn’t open yet. She tucked the prescription and bankcard into her wallet. She took them home with her. They should arrive on Wednesday or Thursday via the pony express.
My car is really acting up. One of the guys at work asked for a ride home and I obliged. As we turned off the road where the plant is onto the state route that would lead to his house, my car nearly died. I have no earthly idea what the problem is and Nelson is not able to diagnosis it from his bed. So here we go with an expenditure we can’t afford—especially since Nelson got a letter from BWC informing him that his “pay checks” would be reduced by more than half.
At work we’re getting more work to package, which is a good thing, except that I’m not getting workers to work so the work is piling up, and will continue to do so since the company my company has a contract with wants us to become a distribution center, which is a good thing---if I just had workers.
And tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad’s death. He died on 8-9-89 from cancer at the very young age of 53. I miss him very much.
I kept singing to myself today: turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.
I may take on some water…but I’m not going under. I may feel overwhelmed, but I’m not defeated. I may not feel like I have the strength to put one foot in front of the other, but I am promised that I am more than a conqueror.
I don’t know about you…but that’s what I need to know. It’s what I need to hold onto today.
Yesterday Beth and I drove (I drove and Beth rode) to Indy to the Brickyard 400! It was completely awesome. There just aren’t words to describe how amazing it was. It was so loud. It was so neat to be there with SO MANY OTHER people. We left before it was over and avoided my traffic phobia. Beth and I had a great time together. It was just the best.
Then as I was laying my very weary head upon my pillow, Beth came to my room and said she needed to talk, that she was SO stressed out. She sat on my bed and started to cry. Then she told me that she was pregnant. I knew what she was going to say before the words tumbled out of her mouth. I hugged her. I told her I love her. And I told her that we were going to go downstairs and tell her dad. That didn’t make her happy, but we went down and did it together. He was stunned but said all the right things. I was very proud of him.
Ann shared while she was here that she and Travis have been having more problems and keep bandying about the “D” word: divorce. This breaks my heart. Both situations with the girls make me wonder what I did wrong as a parent. Not so much that they ended up pregnant, though I wish it was different for them, but that they have ended up in relationships with men (and not just their current relationships) who don’t value them and make them happy. It’s as if they settle because they don’t feel as if they’re worth more than that. How did I not convey that to them?
I talked with Ann a little about it today and she said that Nelson and I put too high an expectation on them and they rebelled against it. I tried to express that it wasn’t an expectation as much as it was a hope. Semantics, I guess.
Nelson is in more pain today as he has been trying to stand, sit up, and move around more. Ann went to Walmart yesterday to get his prescription. (She was here for the weekend to care for Nelson while Beth and I were at the race.) The pharmacy wasn’t open yet. She tucked the prescription and bankcard into her wallet. She took them home with her. They should arrive on Wednesday or Thursday via the pony express.
My car is really acting up. One of the guys at work asked for a ride home and I obliged. As we turned off the road where the plant is onto the state route that would lead to his house, my car nearly died. I have no earthly idea what the problem is and Nelson is not able to diagnosis it from his bed. So here we go with an expenditure we can’t afford—especially since Nelson got a letter from BWC informing him that his “pay checks” would be reduced by more than half.
At work we’re getting more work to package, which is a good thing, except that I’m not getting workers to work so the work is piling up, and will continue to do so since the company my company has a contract with wants us to become a distribution center, which is a good thing---if I just had workers.
And tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad’s death. He died on 8-9-89 from cancer at the very young age of 53. I miss him very much.
I kept singing to myself today: turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.
I may take on some water…but I’m not going under. I may feel overwhelmed, but I’m not defeated. I may not feel like I have the strength to put one foot in front of the other, but I am promised that I am more than a conqueror.
I don’t know about you…but that’s what I need to know. It’s what I need to hold onto today.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Staples and Conspiracy
What a day! I worked so hard and then rushed home to take Nelson to the doctor. The wound is healing well. They took the staples out. We counted them and all together there were only 35. It was a painful process.
Beth brought a puppy home. It's part chichuaua and part daschound. It's really quite cute, but I don't know how we'll be able to care for him. He's temporarily been named Rocky...did I mention he's absolutely adorable and sleepy so sweetly on Nelson's chest right now...sigh. They decided if I just saw him, got some puppy kisses and let him cuddle up that I would be able to send him away. I was double teamed!
And now I'm off to bed!
Beth brought a puppy home. It's part chichuaua and part daschound. It's really quite cute, but I don't know how we'll be able to care for him. He's temporarily been named Rocky...did I mention he's absolutely adorable and sleepy so sweetly on Nelson's chest right now...sigh. They decided if I just saw him, got some puppy kisses and let him cuddle up that I would be able to send him away. I was double teamed!
And now I'm off to bed!
Monday, August 01, 2005
No Casualties
It’s getting hot again. The good thing is that it’s been a little cooler at night, so it’s cooler in the morning when they open the bay door near our area. I actually didn’t feel like I was going to die from the heat.
As I was waking up this morning I was in pain. At first I thought it was my kidneys and that was scary to me. As I got up and moving though, I realized that it was my hips. And I decided they were sore from the way I had been bending while I made carton after carton. Fortunately the longer I worked today the more limber I became. So even though I ached and acquired quite a few new bruises, I wasn’t going to die from the pain.
Today was a very important audit at work. I had been assured that my packaging operation would not be part of the audit. This assurance didn’t just come once, but several times. Then, this morning, shortly after we started work, B came to me and informed me that the auditor would be stopping by to talk to me. What?! No way. I was assured. Now, remember B is the biggest kidder in the plant, so I wasn’t sure if I should believe him. A little later the tow motor guy, T, came from his first audit and repeated the dreaded warning that I was indeed going to be audited.
I had to do some serious self-talk. First, I was hired because I can do this job. Second, if they find something missing in my production process it doesn’t make me a failure, it means there’s room for improvement…and that’s okay. Then, they don’t want to see me fail. I actually must have been listening to myself—surprise, surprise.
The auditor arrived in our new area about 1:30. He asked a lot of questions. T had coached me to just answer the question he asks—not offer any extra information. I knew that routine, having appeared as an expert witness in court on behalf of kids and families. Anyway, I did well with all the questions. B and Ed gave me thumbs up. I survived the audit: I didn’t die.
At the end of the day I was tired, not dead tired, but very tired. When the shift started Dan informed me that S, one of the workers, had several concerns/complaints and wanted to have a meeting to work them through. Great. So we met. Oh, I had to bite my tongue. There were so many things I wanted to say. What about my concerns? It was time to pick my battles carefully. So I did. And neither of us died from the confrontation.
Before I left work, I called home to see what Nelson wanted for dinner. He requested chicken parmagiana. I make a cheater version: frozen chicken patties, spaghetti sauce, and grated mozzarella over spaghetti. And believe it or not, they ate my dinner…and nobody died.
I guess that makes this a good day.
Now, before I duck out of here a quick question…When you greet someone and ask how they’re doing and they say not bad, how do you respond? Is it good to be not bad? I’ve just been thinking about that recently. Several people have responded that they’re not bad, or just okay, or hanging in there. The first couple times I gave a automatic response of “good.” But is it good? Is it good enough? I’m going to have to pay more attention to this…and definitely more attention to my responses…
And now, I’m out of here! Sweet dreams.
As I was waking up this morning I was in pain. At first I thought it was my kidneys and that was scary to me. As I got up and moving though, I realized that it was my hips. And I decided they were sore from the way I had been bending while I made carton after carton. Fortunately the longer I worked today the more limber I became. So even though I ached and acquired quite a few new bruises, I wasn’t going to die from the pain.
Today was a very important audit at work. I had been assured that my packaging operation would not be part of the audit. This assurance didn’t just come once, but several times. Then, this morning, shortly after we started work, B came to me and informed me that the auditor would be stopping by to talk to me. What?! No way. I was assured. Now, remember B is the biggest kidder in the plant, so I wasn’t sure if I should believe him. A little later the tow motor guy, T, came from his first audit and repeated the dreaded warning that I was indeed going to be audited.
I had to do some serious self-talk. First, I was hired because I can do this job. Second, if they find something missing in my production process it doesn’t make me a failure, it means there’s room for improvement…and that’s okay. Then, they don’t want to see me fail. I actually must have been listening to myself—surprise, surprise.
The auditor arrived in our new area about 1:30. He asked a lot of questions. T had coached me to just answer the question he asks—not offer any extra information. I knew that routine, having appeared as an expert witness in court on behalf of kids and families. Anyway, I did well with all the questions. B and Ed gave me thumbs up. I survived the audit: I didn’t die.
At the end of the day I was tired, not dead tired, but very tired. When the shift started Dan informed me that S, one of the workers, had several concerns/complaints and wanted to have a meeting to work them through. Great. So we met. Oh, I had to bite my tongue. There were so many things I wanted to say. What about my concerns? It was time to pick my battles carefully. So I did. And neither of us died from the confrontation.
Before I left work, I called home to see what Nelson wanted for dinner. He requested chicken parmagiana. I make a cheater version: frozen chicken patties, spaghetti sauce, and grated mozzarella over spaghetti. And believe it or not, they ate my dinner…and nobody died.
I guess that makes this a good day.
Now, before I duck out of here a quick question…When you greet someone and ask how they’re doing and they say not bad, how do you respond? Is it good to be not bad? I’ve just been thinking about that recently. Several people have responded that they’re not bad, or just okay, or hanging in there. The first couple times I gave a automatic response of “good.” But is it good? Is it good enough? I’m going to have to pay more attention to this…and definitely more attention to my responses…
And now, I’m out of here! Sweet dreams.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Remembering
Thought I’d give it a whirl….
10 Years ago…July 1995
I was 38. Nelson and I had just purchased our first house. We were doing foster care and had 3 or 4 foster boys. We were attending and very active in a Nazarene church. Our pastor died of cancer that spring and I was doing a considerable amount of pulpit supply, and though many there thought highly of me, they never even offered me an interview. Our girls were 11 and 12.
I had taken two courses of the Doctor of Ministry degree program and was told that I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t jump through the necessary hoops. Being the radical that I was I left the program and registered for Pastoral Counseling program at Ashland Theological Seminary.
I was working full time as the chaplain at Adriel School. I loved my job. I really liked the agency I worked with. Life was pretty happy.
5 Years ago…July 2000
I was still working with Adriel, but had transferred into the counseling component. I had done outpatient child and family counseling, been the director of the Day Treatment Program, and was now assuming the position of Residential Therapist. I maintained a few of my longstanding out-patient clients.
Nelson had tried his hand at owning and running restaurants. This hadn’t turned out well, in part I believe, because his partner was greedy and intimidating. They had started with one Blimpy Sub and Salad Restaurant, and when another became available, dove into owning it without really thinking about how things were going to work. They ended having to sell the first restaurant and now were about to loose the second. It was a dark time for us financially.
I was not only working as a counselor but I was in my second year as the interim pastor of a very difficult Mennonite church. The church had been through 4 splits in 3 years and we were working diligently on matters of healing and preparation for a full-time pastor. I loved my work.
Annie (older daughter) graduated in May and was preparing to head to Eckard University in Florida. This was not her first foray from home. She had been a foreign exchange student to Brazil for 9mo when she was 15. It was still hard to think about letting her go.
This was a busy time, but it seemed like a good time.
One Year Ago…July 2004
Out of the blue Dave and Linda stopped by and Dave had a business proposition for Nelson. He wanted Nelson to be the supervisor of his crew in the building of this nearly 5000 sq ft house. After praying and feeling positively about the move, we began looking for a place to live. Several doors closed, but we were determined. Nelson had given his notice at Home Depot and was ready to start his new job. Beth was living with us since we couldn’t afford to send her back to college, so she was trying to find a job here in our new town too.
I had no job prospects and was very fearful about what I would discover as I transferred to yet another new PO.
Yesterday: I was blessed to have the opportunity to work overtime. Nelson spent most of the day in bed as his ankle was hurting, but so was his bottom from bedsores. It’s been a difficult year.
Today: We watched church on TV. Nelson sat up on the couch for about an hour. He’s just finishing up a nap. I read out on the yard swing for about an hour. And now I’m back here.
Tomorrow: Another day of work packaging and supervising. Going to be a little stressful as we are having an audit by the organization that certifies us (ISO—don’t know what the letters stand for). Dan is back from vacation so I’m sure I’ll get an earful about how he doesn’t think we’ve produced enough. Just anticipating tension and discord. Sure makes me wanna hop out of bed in the morning!
I don’t remember the other stuff…but reading other people’s entries of this ilk, had me thinking so I thought I’d add mine to the lot.
10 Years ago…July 1995
I was 38. Nelson and I had just purchased our first house. We were doing foster care and had 3 or 4 foster boys. We were attending and very active in a Nazarene church. Our pastor died of cancer that spring and I was doing a considerable amount of pulpit supply, and though many there thought highly of me, they never even offered me an interview. Our girls were 11 and 12.
I had taken two courses of the Doctor of Ministry degree program and was told that I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t jump through the necessary hoops. Being the radical that I was I left the program and registered for Pastoral Counseling program at Ashland Theological Seminary.
I was working full time as the chaplain at Adriel School. I loved my job. I really liked the agency I worked with. Life was pretty happy.
5 Years ago…July 2000
I was still working with Adriel, but had transferred into the counseling component. I had done outpatient child and family counseling, been the director of the Day Treatment Program, and was now assuming the position of Residential Therapist. I maintained a few of my longstanding out-patient clients.
Nelson had tried his hand at owning and running restaurants. This hadn’t turned out well, in part I believe, because his partner was greedy and intimidating. They had started with one Blimpy Sub and Salad Restaurant, and when another became available, dove into owning it without really thinking about how things were going to work. They ended having to sell the first restaurant and now were about to loose the second. It was a dark time for us financially.
I was not only working as a counselor but I was in my second year as the interim pastor of a very difficult Mennonite church. The church had been through 4 splits in 3 years and we were working diligently on matters of healing and preparation for a full-time pastor. I loved my work.
Annie (older daughter) graduated in May and was preparing to head to Eckard University in Florida. This was not her first foray from home. She had been a foreign exchange student to Brazil for 9mo when she was 15. It was still hard to think about letting her go.
This was a busy time, but it seemed like a good time.
One Year Ago…July 2004
Out of the blue Dave and Linda stopped by and Dave had a business proposition for Nelson. He wanted Nelson to be the supervisor of his crew in the building of this nearly 5000 sq ft house. After praying and feeling positively about the move, we began looking for a place to live. Several doors closed, but we were determined. Nelson had given his notice at Home Depot and was ready to start his new job. Beth was living with us since we couldn’t afford to send her back to college, so she was trying to find a job here in our new town too.
I had no job prospects and was very fearful about what I would discover as I transferred to yet another new PO.
Yesterday: I was blessed to have the opportunity to work overtime. Nelson spent most of the day in bed as his ankle was hurting, but so was his bottom from bedsores. It’s been a difficult year.
Today: We watched church on TV. Nelson sat up on the couch for about an hour. He’s just finishing up a nap. I read out on the yard swing for about an hour. And now I’m back here.
Tomorrow: Another day of work packaging and supervising. Going to be a little stressful as we are having an audit by the organization that certifies us (ISO—don’t know what the letters stand for). Dan is back from vacation so I’m sure I’ll get an earful about how he doesn’t think we’ve produced enough. Just anticipating tension and discord. Sure makes me wanna hop out of bed in the morning!
I don’t remember the other stuff…but reading other people’s entries of this ilk, had me thinking so I thought I’d add mine to the lot.
Lots of Smiles
FRIDAY: All day I was mindful that at some point while I was slaving away at work that Annie was having her ultrasound and we were hoping to find out if we are having a baby girl or a baby boy. She also found out when she’s due. She told me that she’s due right about my dad’s birthday, November 7, and she thinks Wilson (my family name) Andrew would be a nice name.
Slick huh? We’re having a boy!!!! I’m pretty excited. I really like the name…that pretty much seals it that Travis won’t…oh well…it will be fun to go to garage sales now and buy little boy things!!!!
I don’t think she’ll wait till November. She’s already 6mo along. She’ll be done at the end of October. The tech doing the ultrasound gave her the date of October 31. A pumpkin baby!!!
Work has been work lately. I get to work tomorrow. A full day at that! That extra green will come in handy! I’m sure I’ll be tired on Sunday. My feet have really been aching lately, so I bought some inserts for my shoes. We’ll see if that helps.
Yesterday, after a particularly rough day of working hard and excessive frustrations with others who don’t want to work, at about 10 minutes before the crew was leaving Ed and B informed me that we were going to move the packaging department to the other end of the building. I was so exhausted, but I sucked it up and started directing all the moving.
So today we worked in our new area. Actually, it went better than I anticipated (aka feared). There continues to be frustrations with slow, and I mean s-l-o-w-w-w-w-w-w moving people. It’s interesting how some people lack mental capacity, but work hard while others use their mental ability to get them out of work. Sometimes I just shake my head.
I had the blessing of being able to work yesterday. I wasn’t sure how much we’d get done since initially only 2 others volunteered to work. Then another person offered to work, too. So we got the 2 orders packed that Ed needed done and 8 skids of another. Pretty good considering we had such a small crew.
It’s Sunday now. I’ve been up for quite a few hours. In fact it’s only 11 and my tummy is already asking “what’s for lunch?” Not good. The good thing is that Nelson is sitting on the couch! One of things we don’t like about our couch is that you sink to where you feel like you’re sitting on the floor. So when Nelson said he wanted to sit up for a while, I put the two cushions together and helped him hop over. His smile was so big sitting there, upright. I was ready to take a picture.
So there’s a few smiles at my house: just think how big they’ll be when it’s the grandson sitting up on the couch. We’re so easy to make happy!
Wishing you smiles and happiness in your day!
Slick huh? We’re having a boy!!!! I’m pretty excited. I really like the name…that pretty much seals it that Travis won’t…oh well…it will be fun to go to garage sales now and buy little boy things!!!!
I don’t think she’ll wait till November. She’s already 6mo along. She’ll be done at the end of October. The tech doing the ultrasound gave her the date of October 31. A pumpkin baby!!!
Work has been work lately. I get to work tomorrow. A full day at that! That extra green will come in handy! I’m sure I’ll be tired on Sunday. My feet have really been aching lately, so I bought some inserts for my shoes. We’ll see if that helps.
Yesterday, after a particularly rough day of working hard and excessive frustrations with others who don’t want to work, at about 10 minutes before the crew was leaving Ed and B informed me that we were going to move the packaging department to the other end of the building. I was so exhausted, but I sucked it up and started directing all the moving.
So today we worked in our new area. Actually, it went better than I anticipated (aka feared). There continues to be frustrations with slow, and I mean s-l-o-w-w-w-w-w-w moving people. It’s interesting how some people lack mental capacity, but work hard while others use their mental ability to get them out of work. Sometimes I just shake my head.
I had the blessing of being able to work yesterday. I wasn’t sure how much we’d get done since initially only 2 others volunteered to work. Then another person offered to work, too. So we got the 2 orders packed that Ed needed done and 8 skids of another. Pretty good considering we had such a small crew.
It’s Sunday now. I’ve been up for quite a few hours. In fact it’s only 11 and my tummy is already asking “what’s for lunch?” Not good. The good thing is that Nelson is sitting on the couch! One of things we don’t like about our couch is that you sink to where you feel like you’re sitting on the floor. So when Nelson said he wanted to sit up for a while, I put the two cushions together and helped him hop over. His smile was so big sitting there, upright. I was ready to take a picture.
So there’s a few smiles at my house: just think how big they’ll be when it’s the grandson sitting up on the couch. We’re so easy to make happy!
Wishing you smiles and happiness in your day!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Butt Paste
Want hear some something funny…well, not really laugh out loud funny, more ironic? Nelson’s boss, Dave called today. Nelson asked him what he was doing. He told Nelson that he was watching TV. Nelson thought that was odd on a work day. Come to find out, Dave fell off a ladder at the worksite and broke his leg. Can you believe it? It’s not actually a break, only a fracture. He’s only going to be off work for a couple weeks and he’s not “non-weight bearing.”
I had to stop and see my PO on the way home from work. She was so concerned about Nelson. I was in her office for about 20min and 90% of the time she asked questions and talked about Nelson. She was so concerned that Nels’ boss hasn’t got the ramp built. She decided to look through her people and see if any of her guys who are on PRC need community service hours. If she finds someone she’ll give him hours for building the ramp for Nelson.
We’ve (translate Nelson) has developed a new kind of pain over the last couple days: non-diaper rash and bed/but sores. I had been putting lotion and powder on it, but today it reached a new level of hurt. So after dinner I made a run to Walmart where my goal was to bring home the Desitine.
Do you know how many different kinds of diaper rash lotions and creams there are? Well, let me tell you: lots! I ended up just buying Desitine because I was familiar with it. The only other one I almost bought was called “Butt Paste.” I thought would make Nelson laugh. It made me laugh there in the aisle.
Well, Nelson handed me the TV remote. Said it was my night to pick what we watch. Bad idea tonight. There’s a dog show on Animal Planet. I’m quite happy. And Nelson is happier too…Desitine is good stuff!
Strange entry…butt it’s how my life is going these days…..
I had to stop and see my PO on the way home from work. She was so concerned about Nelson. I was in her office for about 20min and 90% of the time she asked questions and talked about Nelson. She was so concerned that Nels’ boss hasn’t got the ramp built. She decided to look through her people and see if any of her guys who are on PRC need community service hours. If she finds someone she’ll give him hours for building the ramp for Nelson.
We’ve (translate Nelson) has developed a new kind of pain over the last couple days: non-diaper rash and bed/but sores. I had been putting lotion and powder on it, but today it reached a new level of hurt. So after dinner I made a run to Walmart where my goal was to bring home the Desitine.
Do you know how many different kinds of diaper rash lotions and creams there are? Well, let me tell you: lots! I ended up just buying Desitine because I was familiar with it. The only other one I almost bought was called “Butt Paste.” I thought would make Nelson laugh. It made me laugh there in the aisle.
Well, Nelson handed me the TV remote. Said it was my night to pick what we watch. Bad idea tonight. There’s a dog show on Animal Planet. I’m quite happy. And Nelson is happier too…Desitine is good stuff!
Strange entry…butt it’s how my life is going these days…..
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Booted
Update on Nelson: Friday I worked half day, but did a whole day’s work. That’s a whole entry in itself…Nelson sat up in the car on this trip. He said it felt better. The visit at the office, however, did not. They cut off the gauze splint and removed the bandages. It ended up pulling terribly on the incisions. He has one incision with about 40 staples down the front of his shin and another on the side his foot below his ankle bone. They only put a couple gauze pads on the incisions and rods left from the holes made by the external fixator and then wrapped it in an Ace wrap.
When that visit was done, they sent us to another office in the same building. There he was fitted for a walking boot—which at this moment seems redundant since is still not to put any weight on the ankle. The boot, however, did bring some relief from pain as it returned support to the seriously sore ankle.
So he’s back in bed. The ankle pain is minimal, but he has developed a new pain in his side at his lower rib cage. We’re not sure if he strained a muscle in all the moving around the other day or what, but it’s making it very hard for him to breath and move. And he can’t move his arm to use his urinal…so guess what that means…
Annie and Penelope went home yesterday evening. It’s quiet in the house again. Last night Beth picked her boyfriend up from work late so she just stayed at his house. That meant Nelson and I were here alone. I just didn’t want to sleep upstairs…alone, so I slept on the couch in the living room to be near Nelson. I slept quite soundly. He said I didn’t even snore…maybe I should sleep there more often.
I didn’t just sleep soundly, I slept long. I didn’t wake up until 8:00. I just don’t do that. I tried to stay quiet so as not to wake Nelson up. He slept until nearly 11:00.
While I was being quiet, I finished reading “Searching for God Knows What.” I received this book as a gift. It has been such a gift. I would highly recommend it—but be prepared, it’s not necessarily a “nice” book. It rattled my cage a few times, challenged me, and made me weep. The author, Donald Miller, is focusing on our relationship with God not the formulas we tend associate with Christianity. Powerful.
In the quiet, I was sitting and reflecting on Miller’s words, on my relationship with God, and my relationship with Nelson. Miller mentioned the story of Hosea and Gomer as an illustration of God’s love in the face of refusal. I was thinking of why so many people ignore and avoid the story. Wait, I think the word I’m really wanting here is resist. People resist the story because they assume the role of Hosea not Gomer. They judge the waywardness of Gomer, her cheating ways—and no one likes to be cheated on! When the reality is we are Gomer and are being loved with an indescribable, totally persuing kind of love.
I was thinking about that persuing love, which of course reminds me of Psalm 139 and the Hound of Heaven. That image and depth of that love is what drew to make a decision to follow Christ. I absolutely longed to be loved that way. I still do. That insatiable desire motivated me to do some things, involve myself in relationships that were completely unhealthy and totally destructive. And all the while, the love I thought I had to grab for was right at my fingertips in my incredible husband and my compassionate Father.
As I pondered these thoughts, I noticed a sign that I had received as a birthday gag. It reads: Happy 39th Birthday Again?! And I wondered: would I want to be 39 again? That would be nine years ago. That would put me back into the summer of 1996. I might go back if I could implement the “stuff” that I’ve learned—much of it the hard way.
Then I wondered: what one truth that I’ve learned in the last nine years would I take with me if I were permitted to do so. And I think it would have to be that nothing I can do, nothing, will make me more loveable; nothing will increase my chances for being loved; nothing will improve my status.
How absolutely different my life would be if I could just believe in my own value. How much pain I could have avoided and how much more fullness could I have enjoyed if I would have just accepted the truth of the Father’s estimation of me, especially as it was demonstrated in Nelson’s love for me.
So that’s how my morning has been. And now it’s race time. And friends (Rhonda and Steve) are coming by for a visit. A good day is just going to get better. I hope yours does too!
When that visit was done, they sent us to another office in the same building. There he was fitted for a walking boot—which at this moment seems redundant since is still not to put any weight on the ankle. The boot, however, did bring some relief from pain as it returned support to the seriously sore ankle.
So he’s back in bed. The ankle pain is minimal, but he has developed a new pain in his side at his lower rib cage. We’re not sure if he strained a muscle in all the moving around the other day or what, but it’s making it very hard for him to breath and move. And he can’t move his arm to use his urinal…so guess what that means…
Annie and Penelope went home yesterday evening. It’s quiet in the house again. Last night Beth picked her boyfriend up from work late so she just stayed at his house. That meant Nelson and I were here alone. I just didn’t want to sleep upstairs…alone, so I slept on the couch in the living room to be near Nelson. I slept quite soundly. He said I didn’t even snore…maybe I should sleep there more often.
I didn’t just sleep soundly, I slept long. I didn’t wake up until 8:00. I just don’t do that. I tried to stay quiet so as not to wake Nelson up. He slept until nearly 11:00.
While I was being quiet, I finished reading “Searching for God Knows What.” I received this book as a gift. It has been such a gift. I would highly recommend it—but be prepared, it’s not necessarily a “nice” book. It rattled my cage a few times, challenged me, and made me weep. The author, Donald Miller, is focusing on our relationship with God not the formulas we tend associate with Christianity. Powerful.
In the quiet, I was sitting and reflecting on Miller’s words, on my relationship with God, and my relationship with Nelson. Miller mentioned the story of Hosea and Gomer as an illustration of God’s love in the face of refusal. I was thinking of why so many people ignore and avoid the story. Wait, I think the word I’m really wanting here is resist. People resist the story because they assume the role of Hosea not Gomer. They judge the waywardness of Gomer, her cheating ways—and no one likes to be cheated on! When the reality is we are Gomer and are being loved with an indescribable, totally persuing kind of love.
I was thinking about that persuing love, which of course reminds me of Psalm 139 and the Hound of Heaven. That image and depth of that love is what drew to make a decision to follow Christ. I absolutely longed to be loved that way. I still do. That insatiable desire motivated me to do some things, involve myself in relationships that were completely unhealthy and totally destructive. And all the while, the love I thought I had to grab for was right at my fingertips in my incredible husband and my compassionate Father.
As I pondered these thoughts, I noticed a sign that I had received as a birthday gag. It reads: Happy 39th Birthday Again?! And I wondered: would I want to be 39 again? That would be nine years ago. That would put me back into the summer of 1996. I might go back if I could implement the “stuff” that I’ve learned—much of it the hard way.
Then I wondered: what one truth that I’ve learned in the last nine years would I take with me if I were permitted to do so. And I think it would have to be that nothing I can do, nothing, will make me more loveable; nothing will increase my chances for being loved; nothing will improve my status.
How absolutely different my life would be if I could just believe in my own value. How much pain I could have avoided and how much more fullness could I have enjoyed if I would have just accepted the truth of the Father’s estimation of me, especially as it was demonstrated in Nelson’s love for me.
So that’s how my morning has been. And now it’s race time. And friends (Rhonda and Steve) are coming by for a visit. A good day is just going to get better. I hope yours does too!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Rough Night
It’s now 4:30am. And I’m wide awake. At about 1:30 Penelope had a night terror. Ann pulled her from the crib and put her in bed with us. Penelope is not an easy child to sleep with.
I sort of dozed off for a bit, but started having serious nasal drainage and began coughing. I didn’t want to wake them up, so I carefully crawled out of bed and came down to the computer. I wasn’t down here 10 minutes before I noticed the serious lightening show going off in the distant sky. I quickly ran out and rolled up the windows on mine and Ann’s cars. I got in just as the sky let loose. Hopefully, that burst will bring down the humidity.
I got back in the house and no sooner sat down with the computer when I heard a thump followed by a baby scream. I scooted up the stairs to find Ann trying to fetch Penelope off the floor on my side of the bed. It was quite a thump too, since we have bare hard wood floors in the bedroom. Ann was able to quiet her and it seemed they were headed off to sleep, so I went back to the computer.
Next thing I new, Ann and Penelope were coming down the stairs. Penelope sat and cuddled with me for a bit, but she just doesn’t seem to want to sleep. Ann wants to sleep, but Penelope won’t let her. I would like to sleep, but now it’s time to be awake to get ready for work. And Nelson is now awake, too, saying he hasn’t slept well all night.
Rats…and now the internet connection is gone. I’ll have to try and post later.
Connection’s back. Nelson is back to sleep. Penelope is watching “Little Mermaid” and her eyes are getting very, very heavy. Annie half asleep and yet keeping one eye on Penelope. And I’m heading out the door.
And somehow Beth slept through it all…lucky her! Have a day that brings many smiles!
I sort of dozed off for a bit, but started having serious nasal drainage and began coughing. I didn’t want to wake them up, so I carefully crawled out of bed and came down to the computer. I wasn’t down here 10 minutes before I noticed the serious lightening show going off in the distant sky. I quickly ran out and rolled up the windows on mine and Ann’s cars. I got in just as the sky let loose. Hopefully, that burst will bring down the humidity.
I got back in the house and no sooner sat down with the computer when I heard a thump followed by a baby scream. I scooted up the stairs to find Ann trying to fetch Penelope off the floor on my side of the bed. It was quite a thump too, since we have bare hard wood floors in the bedroom. Ann was able to quiet her and it seemed they were headed off to sleep, so I went back to the computer.
Next thing I new, Ann and Penelope were coming down the stairs. Penelope sat and cuddled with me for a bit, but she just doesn’t seem to want to sleep. Ann wants to sleep, but Penelope won’t let her. I would like to sleep, but now it’s time to be awake to get ready for work. And Nelson is now awake, too, saying he hasn’t slept well all night.
Rats…and now the internet connection is gone. I’ll have to try and post later.
Connection’s back. Nelson is back to sleep. Penelope is watching “Little Mermaid” and her eyes are getting very, very heavy. Annie half asleep and yet keeping one eye on Penelope. And I’m heading out the door.
And somehow Beth slept through it all…lucky her! Have a day that brings many smiles!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Night Night
All my days are looking much alike: work, care for hubster, play with the baby, and read about other people’s interesting lives.
It’s been a bit rough at work. Thankfully the humidity was down a little bit today. Monday and Tuesday I was sure I was going to melt. It was rough employee-wise, too. It’s only Wednesday and I’ve already lost 4 employees. One guy had to leave Tuesday morning because he thought he was having a heart attack. That same morning another gal walked off the job because she was “tired of all the b****ing.” I did have to keep telling her to put her safety glasses on—sorry, it does happen to be company policy. One of our guys was supposed to go to an AA meeting so he could come back to work. He went to the meeting, but unfortunately he was drunk and that sort of defeated his coming back. Then today a guy had to write up last week decided to really slough off and the rest of the team came to me about it. When I confronted him with their concerns, and informed him that I would be monitoring him he went ballistic and walked off the job. He was hanging around outside the building after. There was so much concern for my safety that the HR manager walked me out to my car. (I don’t think there was a need, but it made some people feel better.)
I’m really not that hard to work with. No really.
I should have known that it was going to be a weird day by the way that it started. I was just about to kiss Nelson and head out the door, when Nelson said, “I think I have to poop.” Well I couldn’t walk away from that…and I didn’t. Yeehaw.
We’re sitting here watching a show about tv goofs and gafaws. It’s a fun family time. There actually hasn’t been a nasty word spoken all evening. Maybe I should go to bed really quick so I can end the day on a good note!
Oh, I had a funny moment at the end of the day. Right at the end of the day Ed gave me a task that required setting up quite a bit of paperwork. I had some other things that I was going to work on too and I was going to do too. I was standing there talking to the CFO and after he offered to walk me to my car he asked what that stack of papers was. Caught! He wouldn’t let me out of the building with it. Old habits die hard. I’m glad I didn’t bring it home, but I will confess I have thought about it a couple times. I’ll just have to get it done tomorrow.
Right now, Penelope is saying it’s time to go night, night. So, night night all!
It’s been a bit rough at work. Thankfully the humidity was down a little bit today. Monday and Tuesday I was sure I was going to melt. It was rough employee-wise, too. It’s only Wednesday and I’ve already lost 4 employees. One guy had to leave Tuesday morning because he thought he was having a heart attack. That same morning another gal walked off the job because she was “tired of all the b****ing.” I did have to keep telling her to put her safety glasses on—sorry, it does happen to be company policy. One of our guys was supposed to go to an AA meeting so he could come back to work. He went to the meeting, but unfortunately he was drunk and that sort of defeated his coming back. Then today a guy had to write up last week decided to really slough off and the rest of the team came to me about it. When I confronted him with their concerns, and informed him that I would be monitoring him he went ballistic and walked off the job. He was hanging around outside the building after. There was so much concern for my safety that the HR manager walked me out to my car. (I don’t think there was a need, but it made some people feel better.)
I’m really not that hard to work with. No really.
I should have known that it was going to be a weird day by the way that it started. I was just about to kiss Nelson and head out the door, when Nelson said, “I think I have to poop.” Well I couldn’t walk away from that…and I didn’t. Yeehaw.
We’re sitting here watching a show about tv goofs and gafaws. It’s a fun family time. There actually hasn’t been a nasty word spoken all evening. Maybe I should go to bed really quick so I can end the day on a good note!
Oh, I had a funny moment at the end of the day. Right at the end of the day Ed gave me a task that required setting up quite a bit of paperwork. I had some other things that I was going to work on too and I was going to do too. I was standing there talking to the CFO and after he offered to walk me to my car he asked what that stack of papers was. Caught! He wouldn’t let me out of the building with it. Old habits die hard. I’m glad I didn’t bring it home, but I will confess I have thought about it a couple times. I’ll just have to get it done tomorrow.
Right now, Penelope is saying it’s time to go night, night. So, night night all!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Weak-end?
Where did Saturday go?
I slept in all the way till 7:15. It was wonderful. I went very early to get my hair trimmed. I like to go early so I don’t have to wait. Even with it cut short I was just sweating up a blue streak. Hopefully this will help a little.
After Annie and Penelope were up and dressed we went to the Farmers’ Market. There weren’t many veggies, but there were lots of tables with baked goods and other things. I ended up buying some hot pickled peppers (for Nelson), an Amish loaf of wheat bread (for Annie), and a cilantro plant for me. Penelope liked seeing the horses. It was hot and beyond humid so we didn’t stay out long.
The rest of the day was just that: rest-full. Then about 7:30pm Nelson’s parents showed up. They live about 2 ½ hours away. We didn’t know they were coming. Spending time with them is challenging. Nelson just doesn’t have a good relationship with them. They’re staying at a local hotel tonight and coming back tomorrow.
Yesterday after work Ann and I ran to Walmart and SavALot and when we got back to the house I was telling her that I was thinking I would wait till morning to mow—hoping to avoid the humidity. As I pulled into the drive I realized that my yard was already mowed. The neighbor to the rear (who brought us strawberries and promises to bring us other goodies from his garden) had mowed our yard while we were gone. I felt so blessed. We have such good neighbors.
To say thank you to both Deryl and his son Lucas and our mowing, garden neighbor Ann made some chocolate chip cookies. They were quite yummy. Both helpers seemed surprised with our thank you, but that’s ok---we just wanted them to know how much we appreciated their help!
And now it’s Sunday.
I slept all the way till 7 this morning. When I woke up I checked out the time. I decided I should get my shower early and be ready for when Nelson’s parents show back up. I’m feeling sort of whiny about the whole thing and I don’t like feeling that way, but this is not how I want to spend my day off. Oh well, I will just suck it up and paste on a smile. At least they made an effort to connect with their son—something they haven’t done for years. I will keep my mind open and my prayers flowing for more love.
This is another one of those moments when it’s not about me.
I hope there are pleasant surprises and sunshine in your Sunday!
I slept in all the way till 7:15. It was wonderful. I went very early to get my hair trimmed. I like to go early so I don’t have to wait. Even with it cut short I was just sweating up a blue streak. Hopefully this will help a little.
After Annie and Penelope were up and dressed we went to the Farmers’ Market. There weren’t many veggies, but there were lots of tables with baked goods and other things. I ended up buying some hot pickled peppers (for Nelson), an Amish loaf of wheat bread (for Annie), and a cilantro plant for me. Penelope liked seeing the horses. It was hot and beyond humid so we didn’t stay out long.
The rest of the day was just that: rest-full. Then about 7:30pm Nelson’s parents showed up. They live about 2 ½ hours away. We didn’t know they were coming. Spending time with them is challenging. Nelson just doesn’t have a good relationship with them. They’re staying at a local hotel tonight and coming back tomorrow.
Yesterday after work Ann and I ran to Walmart and SavALot and when we got back to the house I was telling her that I was thinking I would wait till morning to mow—hoping to avoid the humidity. As I pulled into the drive I realized that my yard was already mowed. The neighbor to the rear (who brought us strawberries and promises to bring us other goodies from his garden) had mowed our yard while we were gone. I felt so blessed. We have such good neighbors.
To say thank you to both Deryl and his son Lucas and our mowing, garden neighbor Ann made some chocolate chip cookies. They were quite yummy. Both helpers seemed surprised with our thank you, but that’s ok---we just wanted them to know how much we appreciated their help!
And now it’s Sunday.
I slept all the way till 7 this morning. When I woke up I checked out the time. I decided I should get my shower early and be ready for when Nelson’s parents show back up. I’m feeling sort of whiny about the whole thing and I don’t like feeling that way, but this is not how I want to spend my day off. Oh well, I will just suck it up and paste on a smile. At least they made an effort to connect with their son—something they haven’t done for years. I will keep my mind open and my prayers flowing for more love.
This is another one of those moments when it’s not about me.
I hope there are pleasant surprises and sunshine in your Sunday!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Home Again!
Nelson is home. The trip went much more smoothly than I had anticipated. The transportation guys at the hospital helped, as did the valet at the front door. He climbed right in the car and helped moved him forward.
It was raining really hard when Julie and I left for the hospital. We were so focused on the storm that we forgot the extra pillows needed to make the trip endurable. Needless to say there were many moans from the back of the Aztec. I tried to miss the bumps, but he felt every one of them.
I stopped at the house of a nearby friend to see if he could help us get Nelson in the house, but he was at work. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I decided to check and see if the neighbor catty-corner was home—I also thought he had a teenage son who could help. They were more than willing. The neighbor dad gave us some really good direction and we got Nelson in with no trouble! Have I mentioned that I have really good neighbors?
The other night I had a really interesting conversation with Beth. She asked a question that other people have also asked. She asked if we ever wondered that maybe we made a mistake by moving here to Ashland. My answer wasn’t anything I had given any thought. It was one of those moments where the answer was as much a revelation to me as it was to Beth.
I told her that sometimes the things God asks us to do aren’t about us. I suggested because we moved here we were able to help our friend Steve find a job to supplement his pastoral job since he’s not being compensated currently by his church. Because we moved here, Nelson was also able to recommend our friend Mook to be able to work with them on the house project too. It’s hard to describe how important it has been to him to have someone to believe that he could do the job.
Life hasn’t been easy since we got here, not easy at all, but it has been worth it when it’s put into that kind of context. It really isn’t always about us. Sure it would be nice to have things feel like they were going more in our favor. It would be nice to have a couple nickels to rub together. It would be nice for Nelson to feel some appreciation (and remuneration) for his hard work. But once upon a time we relinquished those “rights.” And quite honestly it has been fun to watch how things unfold.
Now I have to own that I don’t always live into the fullness of that truth. Sitting here and seeing the pain on Nelson’s face doesn’t make that truth easy to believe. But sometimes the truth isn’t easy
Well, I’m needing to rock a sweet baby to sleep…yep, Penelope brought her mommy back so she could be Pepa’s nurse and Penelope could keep a smile on Pepa’s face! Hopefully I won’t be the one who falls asleep in the chair! Sweet dreams…I know I will…all my sweeties are here (when Beth gets home that is).
It was raining really hard when Julie and I left for the hospital. We were so focused on the storm that we forgot the extra pillows needed to make the trip endurable. Needless to say there were many moans from the back of the Aztec. I tried to miss the bumps, but he felt every one of them.
I stopped at the house of a nearby friend to see if he could help us get Nelson in the house, but he was at work. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I decided to check and see if the neighbor catty-corner was home—I also thought he had a teenage son who could help. They were more than willing. The neighbor dad gave us some really good direction and we got Nelson in with no trouble! Have I mentioned that I have really good neighbors?
The other night I had a really interesting conversation with Beth. She asked a question that other people have also asked. She asked if we ever wondered that maybe we made a mistake by moving here to Ashland. My answer wasn’t anything I had given any thought. It was one of those moments where the answer was as much a revelation to me as it was to Beth.
I told her that sometimes the things God asks us to do aren’t about us. I suggested because we moved here we were able to help our friend Steve find a job to supplement his pastoral job since he’s not being compensated currently by his church. Because we moved here, Nelson was also able to recommend our friend Mook to be able to work with them on the house project too. It’s hard to describe how important it has been to him to have someone to believe that he could do the job.
Life hasn’t been easy since we got here, not easy at all, but it has been worth it when it’s put into that kind of context. It really isn’t always about us. Sure it would be nice to have things feel like they were going more in our favor. It would be nice to have a couple nickels to rub together. It would be nice for Nelson to feel some appreciation (and remuneration) for his hard work. But once upon a time we relinquished those “rights.” And quite honestly it has been fun to watch how things unfold.
Now I have to own that I don’t always live into the fullness of that truth. Sitting here and seeing the pain on Nelson’s face doesn’t make that truth easy to believe. But sometimes the truth isn’t easy
Well, I’m needing to rock a sweet baby to sleep…yep, Penelope brought her mommy back so she could be Pepa’s nurse and Penelope could keep a smile on Pepa’s face! Hopefully I won’t be the one who falls asleep in the chair! Sweet dreams…I know I will…all my sweeties are here (when Beth gets home that is).
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Humpty Dumpty Report
I’m home. I’m exhausted. We got Nelson there—even a little early! Not a good thing necessarily when you’re waiting for surgery. I just wanted to allow for traffic.
While we were in surgery waiting, the doctor let us know that Nelson would be staying a couple extra days. This was comforting news. Nelson had been concerned about how we were going to be able to manage his pain.
My sis came early and then stayed all day with me. It was good to have the company. We talked a lot and were quiet at other times. The surgery waiting area was very “homey” so we were comfortable all afternoon.
Nelson was taken to surgery around 11:30am and we finally got to his room around 5:30. The surgery took about 4 hours. They found more damage to the joint than anticipated and found another broken bone, this one in his foot.
We took Nelson’s c-pap (forced air breathing machine for his apnea) machine with us—just in case they did keep him. Julie had gone to the parking garage to retrieve it from the car when I arrived in Nelson’s room. I was not ready for what I found. Nelson was laying in the bed moaning, it was obvious that he was in terrible pain.
I have known this man for nearly 28 years. I have seen him injured on several occasions. I have never seen him hurting as badly as I did this evening. He told the nurse that his pain was at a 9 (on a scale where 10 is the worst). I translated to the nurse that on a “normal” person’s pain scale that would put Nelson’s pain at about a 15. He just doesn’t complain about pain. My heart started to ache. I felt so helpless, sick seeing him hurt and totally unable to do anything…well, not anything. I walked over and just began stroking him on the arm and across his forehead. That calms him, relaxes him. And as he relaxed the pain meds began to kick in.
Yesterday, I called Nelson from work while I was on my 2:00 break. He told me he was a big boy. He had gotten out of the bed and onto the bedside potty all by himself and had a bowel movement. I started thinking about it and the thoughts weren’t good. I had forgotten to put any water in the potty bucket. That would make clean up fun. And how pleasant it was going to be to come into the house with that aroma greeting me. He told me hat he was a really big boy and put the bucket in the half bath and shut the door. He had managed to get himself from the potty to the wheel chair and rolled to the bathroom to “hide” the potty bucket. I told him to warn the daughter so that she didn’t walk in there after work.
I cleaned things up when I got home from work…including the hubster. That’s really love. I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn’t much different from changing a dirty diaper, but it really isn’t the same.
Wiping your sweetie’s seatie is really love in action. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that true love is just willing to wade through the crap: whether it’s wiping a poopy bottom or coming to grips with unexpected, unexplainable criminal behavior. Nelson’s amazing ability to forgive me and keep loving me makes cleaning up poop seem like a walk in the park.
One of my favorite biblical moments comes when the crowd questions the woman who anoints Jesus feet and head at the dinner at the Pharisee’s house. Jesus tells a story to explain her extravagant display love. (Luke 7:36-50) In the story two men are forgiven a debt they cannot repay: one small and the other enormous. Jesus’ question: Which one will love more? Simon’s response is that it will be the one who has been forgiven more.
I understand this. I have been greatly forgiven, I am deeply loved…and there is no other response but to love and love deeply.
I may not be explaining this well…that may be because I’m feeling it quite deeply.
So now I’m going to take my weary self to bed…tomorrow holds much to do: work and a run to the hospital. Better get some rest. Hope you do too!
While we were in surgery waiting, the doctor let us know that Nelson would be staying a couple extra days. This was comforting news. Nelson had been concerned about how we were going to be able to manage his pain.
My sis came early and then stayed all day with me. It was good to have the company. We talked a lot and were quiet at other times. The surgery waiting area was very “homey” so we were comfortable all afternoon.
Nelson was taken to surgery around 11:30am and we finally got to his room around 5:30. The surgery took about 4 hours. They found more damage to the joint than anticipated and found another broken bone, this one in his foot.
We took Nelson’s c-pap (forced air breathing machine for his apnea) machine with us—just in case they did keep him. Julie had gone to the parking garage to retrieve it from the car when I arrived in Nelson’s room. I was not ready for what I found. Nelson was laying in the bed moaning, it was obvious that he was in terrible pain.
I have known this man for nearly 28 years. I have seen him injured on several occasions. I have never seen him hurting as badly as I did this evening. He told the nurse that his pain was at a 9 (on a scale where 10 is the worst). I translated to the nurse that on a “normal” person’s pain scale that would put Nelson’s pain at about a 15. He just doesn’t complain about pain. My heart started to ache. I felt so helpless, sick seeing him hurt and totally unable to do anything…well, not anything. I walked over and just began stroking him on the arm and across his forehead. That calms him, relaxes him. And as he relaxed the pain meds began to kick in.
Yesterday, I called Nelson from work while I was on my 2:00 break. He told me he was a big boy. He had gotten out of the bed and onto the bedside potty all by himself and had a bowel movement. I started thinking about it and the thoughts weren’t good. I had forgotten to put any water in the potty bucket. That would make clean up fun. And how pleasant it was going to be to come into the house with that aroma greeting me. He told me hat he was a really big boy and put the bucket in the half bath and shut the door. He had managed to get himself from the potty to the wheel chair and rolled to the bathroom to “hide” the potty bucket. I told him to warn the daughter so that she didn’t walk in there after work.
I cleaned things up when I got home from work…including the hubster. That’s really love. I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn’t much different from changing a dirty diaper, but it really isn’t the same.
Wiping your sweetie’s seatie is really love in action. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that true love is just willing to wade through the crap: whether it’s wiping a poopy bottom or coming to grips with unexpected, unexplainable criminal behavior. Nelson’s amazing ability to forgive me and keep loving me makes cleaning up poop seem like a walk in the park.
One of my favorite biblical moments comes when the crowd questions the woman who anoints Jesus feet and head at the dinner at the Pharisee’s house. Jesus tells a story to explain her extravagant display love. (Luke 7:36-50) In the story two men are forgiven a debt they cannot repay: one small and the other enormous. Jesus’ question: Which one will love more? Simon’s response is that it will be the one who has been forgiven more.
I understand this. I have been greatly forgiven, I am deeply loved…and there is no other response but to love and love deeply.
I may not be explaining this well…that may be because I’m feeling it quite deeply.
So now I’m going to take my weary self to bed…tomorrow holds much to do: work and a run to the hospital. Better get some rest. Hope you do too!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Fast of Slow
Well, after working to adjust to the idea of Nelson laying around for another three weeks--the doctor talked to the nurse practioner this morning. He asked why Nelson wasn't on the surgery schedule this week? When she told him that Nelson wasn't scheduled to be seen again until 8/3 he was not pleased and scheduled Nelson for surgery tomorrow at 11:00am.
So I had to get things organized at work. Again, they were very understanding that I needed the day off.
We just finished Chinese for dinner. Nelson actually had a little appetite and since he knew he wouldn't be eating again tomorrow he decided to eat something that sounded really good. And it was!
Well, I've got laundry to finish, dishes to wash, and if it cools down I may try to mow...maybe.
So I had to get things organized at work. Again, they were very understanding that I needed the day off.
We just finished Chinese for dinner. Nelson actually had a little appetite and since he knew he wouldn't be eating again tomorrow he decided to eat something that sounded really good. And it was!
Well, I've got laundry to finish, dishes to wash, and if it cools down I may try to mow...maybe.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Friday
Doctor Report:
A guy at work offered me the free use of a wheel chair. His dad (a big man like Nelson) had diabetes and had his leg amputated. This was a real blessing because we were going to have to rent one and were told Workers’ Comp wouldn’t pay for it.
So my sis came to help with her Aztec (the seats fold down flat) to help us get to the appointment. We worked hard at it, but were finally able to get Nelson comfortably into the car.
We arrived for the appointment on time. They were quite prompt at getting us seen. We were scheduled with the nurse practitioner—this should have clued me in. They took off the wrap and the gauze pads. They were sort of gross…nah, they were lots icky.
The nurse practitioner told us that things were looking good, and healing well. She told us that the swelling was to be expected. His foot and ankle are really bruised and the skin looks really taunt from the swelling.
We were hoping that during one of the many times when she left the room she would return with the Doc and he would tell us when the surgery would be next week. Each time she returned alone. Finally, she let us know that the doctor wasn’t even in today and Nelson wouldn’t see him until his next appointment which is August 3.
This was very discouraging news. Nelson is so tired of just laying around. Three more weeks of this is going to be really tough. We spent some time this morning trying to think of things for him to do during the day to pass the time. Sis gave him a pair of reading glasses and that enabled him to read the computer screen. He can listen to his favorite radio station over the internet too. I’m going to bring down his box of stamps that he can look at and price.
Annie is going home today, too. We discussed it and decided that there wasn’t much point in her staying for the three weeks and then for however long is needed after the next surgery. Needless to say, Travis is happy that she’s coming home. The big loss in all this will the presence of Little Miss Entertainment, but Penelope needs to get home to her familiar surrounds, too.
Well, there’s some other stuff going on too, but I thought I’d fill you in on this and then write more later.
TTFN
A guy at work offered me the free use of a wheel chair. His dad (a big man like Nelson) had diabetes and had his leg amputated. This was a real blessing because we were going to have to rent one and were told Workers’ Comp wouldn’t pay for it.
So my sis came to help with her Aztec (the seats fold down flat) to help us get to the appointment. We worked hard at it, but were finally able to get Nelson comfortably into the car.
We arrived for the appointment on time. They were quite prompt at getting us seen. We were scheduled with the nurse practitioner—this should have clued me in. They took off the wrap and the gauze pads. They were sort of gross…nah, they were lots icky.
The nurse practitioner told us that things were looking good, and healing well. She told us that the swelling was to be expected. His foot and ankle are really bruised and the skin looks really taunt from the swelling.
We were hoping that during one of the many times when she left the room she would return with the Doc and he would tell us when the surgery would be next week. Each time she returned alone. Finally, she let us know that the doctor wasn’t even in today and Nelson wouldn’t see him until his next appointment which is August 3.
This was very discouraging news. Nelson is so tired of just laying around. Three more weeks of this is going to be really tough. We spent some time this morning trying to think of things for him to do during the day to pass the time. Sis gave him a pair of reading glasses and that enabled him to read the computer screen. He can listen to his favorite radio station over the internet too. I’m going to bring down his box of stamps that he can look at and price.
Annie is going home today, too. We discussed it and decided that there wasn’t much point in her staying for the three weeks and then for however long is needed after the next surgery. Needless to say, Travis is happy that she’s coming home. The big loss in all this will the presence of Little Miss Entertainment, but Penelope needs to get home to her familiar surrounds, too.
Well, there’s some other stuff going on too, but I thought I’d fill you in on this and then write more later.
TTFN
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