I’m feeling overwhelmed. Like I’m taking on water. I’m tired. I didn’t sleep well at all last night.
Yesterday Beth and I drove (I drove and Beth rode) to Indy to the Brickyard 400! It was completely awesome. There just aren’t words to describe how amazing it was. It was so loud. It was so neat to be there with SO MANY OTHER people. We left before it was over and avoided my traffic phobia. Beth and I had a great time together. It was just the best.
Then as I was laying my very weary head upon my pillow, Beth came to my room and said she needed to talk, that she was SO stressed out. She sat on my bed and started to cry. Then she told me that she was pregnant. I knew what she was going to say before the words tumbled out of her mouth. I hugged her. I told her I love her. And I told her that we were going to go downstairs and tell her dad. That didn’t make her happy, but we went down and did it together. He was stunned but said all the right things. I was very proud of him.
Ann shared while she was here that she and Travis have been having more problems and keep bandying about the “D” word: divorce. This breaks my heart. Both situations with the girls make me wonder what I did wrong as a parent. Not so much that they ended up pregnant, though I wish it was different for them, but that they have ended up in relationships with men (and not just their current relationships) who don’t value them and make them happy. It’s as if they settle because they don’t feel as if they’re worth more than that. How did I not convey that to them?
I talked with Ann a little about it today and she said that Nelson and I put too high an expectation on them and they rebelled against it. I tried to express that it wasn’t an expectation as much as it was a hope. Semantics, I guess.
Nelson is in more pain today as he has been trying to stand, sit up, and move around more. Ann went to Walmart yesterday to get his prescription. (She was here for the weekend to care for Nelson while Beth and I were at the race.) The pharmacy wasn’t open yet. She tucked the prescription and bankcard into her wallet. She took them home with her. They should arrive on Wednesday or Thursday via the pony express.
My car is really acting up. One of the guys at work asked for a ride home and I obliged. As we turned off the road where the plant is onto the state route that would lead to his house, my car nearly died. I have no earthly idea what the problem is and Nelson is not able to diagnosis it from his bed. So here we go with an expenditure we can’t afford—especially since Nelson got a letter from BWC informing him that his “pay checks” would be reduced by more than half.
At work we’re getting more work to package, which is a good thing, except that I’m not getting workers to work so the work is piling up, and will continue to do so since the company my company has a contract with wants us to become a distribution center, which is a good thing---if I just had workers.
And tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad’s death. He died on 8-9-89 from cancer at the very young age of 53. I miss him very much.
I kept singing to myself today: turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.
I may take on some water…but I’m not going under. I may feel overwhelmed, but I’m not defeated. I may not feel like I have the strength to put one foot in front of the other, but I am promised that I am more than a conqueror.
I don’t know about you…but that’s what I need to know. It’s what I need to hold onto today.
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6 comments:
Hi Tina... What stands out most in my mind is that by the time our children are 12, they know how we feel about most everything--probably because we've told them everything over and over! And by the time they are adults, we have to give them the freedom which God gives all of us --and that means freedom to make their own decisions and their own mistakes. Their choices are not your mistakes. You could do absolutely everything right while raising them, but as adults, it's that God-given freedom of choice which belongs to them and them alone. So what I'm saying is please don't ask yourself where you went wrong. Just be there for them with compassion when they make unwise choices. (I hope that all makes sense...). I'll be praying that all these things will work out for the good--as you know, God has a way of doing that! God bless... Debra
That is my favorite hymn--it is framed and on my wall--and I use the words frequently.
God will keep you from drowning!
I can tell you are looking His way!
JB
I LOVE your ending....praying boldly for you....becky
life can get overwhelming at times ... and that's the truth of it ... but for those of us "in Christ" - well we view it differently ... like you singing hymns to yourself ... one day ... some day ... maybe soon ... ALL will grow strangely dim, as we all look into His wonderful face ...
((hugs))
You are in my prayers and thoughts, if the boat sinks maybe it's time to get out of it!
It is not your fault what is happening with your children. God creating a life is NEVER a mistake! I know that the choices are sometimes poor, but you know what, God works best out of the ashes we create!
You can't force your kids to find selfworth in themselves, they have to have the confidence to do that on their own.
As a young woman there is plently that I could blame my parents for and I have done that in the past, but you know the only person that ends up hurting is ME, and I have to take responsibility for my actions.
I can see that you and Nelson love your children dearly, and that in the end is what will get you through.
You may be taking on water dear sister, but I see land just up ahead, and the Lighthouse is watching over you!
Hey Daisymarie! The first thing I thought of when I read your post was my post on Tuesday. You need to read my link to Paula's post. When I read it, it calmed my heart. I hope it helps you too! I am praying right now for you and your family.
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