Thought I’d give it a whirl….
10 Years ago…July 1995
I was 38. Nelson and I had just purchased our first house. We were doing foster care and had 3 or 4 foster boys. We were attending and very active in a Nazarene church. Our pastor died of cancer that spring and I was doing a considerable amount of pulpit supply, and though many there thought highly of me, they never even offered me an interview. Our girls were 11 and 12.
I had taken two courses of the Doctor of Ministry degree program and was told that I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t jump through the necessary hoops. Being the radical that I was I left the program and registered for Pastoral Counseling program at Ashland Theological Seminary.
I was working full time as the chaplain at Adriel School. I loved my job. I really liked the agency I worked with. Life was pretty happy.
5 Years ago…July 2000
I was still working with Adriel, but had transferred into the counseling component. I had done outpatient child and family counseling, been the director of the Day Treatment Program, and was now assuming the position of Residential Therapist. I maintained a few of my longstanding out-patient clients.
Nelson had tried his hand at owning and running restaurants. This hadn’t turned out well, in part I believe, because his partner was greedy and intimidating. They had started with one Blimpy Sub and Salad Restaurant, and when another became available, dove into owning it without really thinking about how things were going to work. They ended having to sell the first restaurant and now were about to loose the second. It was a dark time for us financially.
I was not only working as a counselor but I was in my second year as the interim pastor of a very difficult Mennonite church. The church had been through 4 splits in 3 years and we were working diligently on matters of healing and preparation for a full-time pastor. I loved my work.
Annie (older daughter) graduated in May and was preparing to head to Eckard University in Florida. This was not her first foray from home. She had been a foreign exchange student to Brazil for 9mo when she was 15. It was still hard to think about letting her go.
This was a busy time, but it seemed like a good time.
One Year Ago…July 2004
Out of the blue Dave and Linda stopped by and Dave had a business proposition for Nelson. He wanted Nelson to be the supervisor of his crew in the building of this nearly 5000 sq ft house. After praying and feeling positively about the move, we began looking for a place to live. Several doors closed, but we were determined. Nelson had given his notice at Home Depot and was ready to start his new job. Beth was living with us since we couldn’t afford to send her back to college, so she was trying to find a job here in our new town too.
I had no job prospects and was very fearful about what I would discover as I transferred to yet another new PO.
Yesterday: I was blessed to have the opportunity to work overtime. Nelson spent most of the day in bed as his ankle was hurting, but so was his bottom from bedsores. It’s been a difficult year.
Today: We watched church on TV. Nelson sat up on the couch for about an hour. He’s just finishing up a nap. I read out on the yard swing for about an hour. And now I’m back here.
Tomorrow: Another day of work packaging and supervising. Going to be a little stressful as we are having an audit by the organization that certifies us (ISO—don’t know what the letters stand for). Dan is back from vacation so I’m sure I’ll get an earful about how he doesn’t think we’ve produced enough. Just anticipating tension and discord. Sure makes me wanna hop out of bed in the morning!
I don’t remember the other stuff…but reading other people’s entries of this ilk, had me thinking so I thought I’d add mine to the lot.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Lots of Smiles
FRIDAY: All day I was mindful that at some point while I was slaving away at work that Annie was having her ultrasound and we were hoping to find out if we are having a baby girl or a baby boy. She also found out when she’s due. She told me that she’s due right about my dad’s birthday, November 7, and she thinks Wilson (my family name) Andrew would be a nice name.
Slick huh? We’re having a boy!!!! I’m pretty excited. I really like the name…that pretty much seals it that Travis won’t…oh well…it will be fun to go to garage sales now and buy little boy things!!!!
I don’t think she’ll wait till November. She’s already 6mo along. She’ll be done at the end of October. The tech doing the ultrasound gave her the date of October 31. A pumpkin baby!!!
Work has been work lately. I get to work tomorrow. A full day at that! That extra green will come in handy! I’m sure I’ll be tired on Sunday. My feet have really been aching lately, so I bought some inserts for my shoes. We’ll see if that helps.
Yesterday, after a particularly rough day of working hard and excessive frustrations with others who don’t want to work, at about 10 minutes before the crew was leaving Ed and B informed me that we were going to move the packaging department to the other end of the building. I was so exhausted, but I sucked it up and started directing all the moving.
So today we worked in our new area. Actually, it went better than I anticipated (aka feared). There continues to be frustrations with slow, and I mean s-l-o-w-w-w-w-w-w moving people. It’s interesting how some people lack mental capacity, but work hard while others use their mental ability to get them out of work. Sometimes I just shake my head.
I had the blessing of being able to work yesterday. I wasn’t sure how much we’d get done since initially only 2 others volunteered to work. Then another person offered to work, too. So we got the 2 orders packed that Ed needed done and 8 skids of another. Pretty good considering we had such a small crew.
It’s Sunday now. I’ve been up for quite a few hours. In fact it’s only 11 and my tummy is already asking “what’s for lunch?” Not good. The good thing is that Nelson is sitting on the couch! One of things we don’t like about our couch is that you sink to where you feel like you’re sitting on the floor. So when Nelson said he wanted to sit up for a while, I put the two cushions together and helped him hop over. His smile was so big sitting there, upright. I was ready to take a picture.
So there’s a few smiles at my house: just think how big they’ll be when it’s the grandson sitting up on the couch. We’re so easy to make happy!
Wishing you smiles and happiness in your day!
Slick huh? We’re having a boy!!!! I’m pretty excited. I really like the name…that pretty much seals it that Travis won’t…oh well…it will be fun to go to garage sales now and buy little boy things!!!!
I don’t think she’ll wait till November. She’s already 6mo along. She’ll be done at the end of October. The tech doing the ultrasound gave her the date of October 31. A pumpkin baby!!!
Work has been work lately. I get to work tomorrow. A full day at that! That extra green will come in handy! I’m sure I’ll be tired on Sunday. My feet have really been aching lately, so I bought some inserts for my shoes. We’ll see if that helps.
Yesterday, after a particularly rough day of working hard and excessive frustrations with others who don’t want to work, at about 10 minutes before the crew was leaving Ed and B informed me that we were going to move the packaging department to the other end of the building. I was so exhausted, but I sucked it up and started directing all the moving.
So today we worked in our new area. Actually, it went better than I anticipated (aka feared). There continues to be frustrations with slow, and I mean s-l-o-w-w-w-w-w-w moving people. It’s interesting how some people lack mental capacity, but work hard while others use their mental ability to get them out of work. Sometimes I just shake my head.
I had the blessing of being able to work yesterday. I wasn’t sure how much we’d get done since initially only 2 others volunteered to work. Then another person offered to work, too. So we got the 2 orders packed that Ed needed done and 8 skids of another. Pretty good considering we had such a small crew.
It’s Sunday now. I’ve been up for quite a few hours. In fact it’s only 11 and my tummy is already asking “what’s for lunch?” Not good. The good thing is that Nelson is sitting on the couch! One of things we don’t like about our couch is that you sink to where you feel like you’re sitting on the floor. So when Nelson said he wanted to sit up for a while, I put the two cushions together and helped him hop over. His smile was so big sitting there, upright. I was ready to take a picture.
So there’s a few smiles at my house: just think how big they’ll be when it’s the grandson sitting up on the couch. We’re so easy to make happy!
Wishing you smiles and happiness in your day!
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Butt Paste
Want hear some something funny…well, not really laugh out loud funny, more ironic? Nelson’s boss, Dave called today. Nelson asked him what he was doing. He told Nelson that he was watching TV. Nelson thought that was odd on a work day. Come to find out, Dave fell off a ladder at the worksite and broke his leg. Can you believe it? It’s not actually a break, only a fracture. He’s only going to be off work for a couple weeks and he’s not “non-weight bearing.”
I had to stop and see my PO on the way home from work. She was so concerned about Nelson. I was in her office for about 20min and 90% of the time she asked questions and talked about Nelson. She was so concerned that Nels’ boss hasn’t got the ramp built. She decided to look through her people and see if any of her guys who are on PRC need community service hours. If she finds someone she’ll give him hours for building the ramp for Nelson.
We’ve (translate Nelson) has developed a new kind of pain over the last couple days: non-diaper rash and bed/but sores. I had been putting lotion and powder on it, but today it reached a new level of hurt. So after dinner I made a run to Walmart where my goal was to bring home the Desitine.
Do you know how many different kinds of diaper rash lotions and creams there are? Well, let me tell you: lots! I ended up just buying Desitine because I was familiar with it. The only other one I almost bought was called “Butt Paste.” I thought would make Nelson laugh. It made me laugh there in the aisle.
Well, Nelson handed me the TV remote. Said it was my night to pick what we watch. Bad idea tonight. There’s a dog show on Animal Planet. I’m quite happy. And Nelson is happier too…Desitine is good stuff!
Strange entry…butt it’s how my life is going these days…..
I had to stop and see my PO on the way home from work. She was so concerned about Nelson. I was in her office for about 20min and 90% of the time she asked questions and talked about Nelson. She was so concerned that Nels’ boss hasn’t got the ramp built. She decided to look through her people and see if any of her guys who are on PRC need community service hours. If she finds someone she’ll give him hours for building the ramp for Nelson.
We’ve (translate Nelson) has developed a new kind of pain over the last couple days: non-diaper rash and bed/but sores. I had been putting lotion and powder on it, but today it reached a new level of hurt. So after dinner I made a run to Walmart where my goal was to bring home the Desitine.
Do you know how many different kinds of diaper rash lotions and creams there are? Well, let me tell you: lots! I ended up just buying Desitine because I was familiar with it. The only other one I almost bought was called “Butt Paste.” I thought would make Nelson laugh. It made me laugh there in the aisle.
Well, Nelson handed me the TV remote. Said it was my night to pick what we watch. Bad idea tonight. There’s a dog show on Animal Planet. I’m quite happy. And Nelson is happier too…Desitine is good stuff!
Strange entry…butt it’s how my life is going these days…..
Sunday, July 24, 2005
Booted
Update on Nelson: Friday I worked half day, but did a whole day’s work. That’s a whole entry in itself…Nelson sat up in the car on this trip. He said it felt better. The visit at the office, however, did not. They cut off the gauze splint and removed the bandages. It ended up pulling terribly on the incisions. He has one incision with about 40 staples down the front of his shin and another on the side his foot below his ankle bone. They only put a couple gauze pads on the incisions and rods left from the holes made by the external fixator and then wrapped it in an Ace wrap.
When that visit was done, they sent us to another office in the same building. There he was fitted for a walking boot—which at this moment seems redundant since is still not to put any weight on the ankle. The boot, however, did bring some relief from pain as it returned support to the seriously sore ankle.
So he’s back in bed. The ankle pain is minimal, but he has developed a new pain in his side at his lower rib cage. We’re not sure if he strained a muscle in all the moving around the other day or what, but it’s making it very hard for him to breath and move. And he can’t move his arm to use his urinal…so guess what that means…
Annie and Penelope went home yesterday evening. It’s quiet in the house again. Last night Beth picked her boyfriend up from work late so she just stayed at his house. That meant Nelson and I were here alone. I just didn’t want to sleep upstairs…alone, so I slept on the couch in the living room to be near Nelson. I slept quite soundly. He said I didn’t even snore…maybe I should sleep there more often.
I didn’t just sleep soundly, I slept long. I didn’t wake up until 8:00. I just don’t do that. I tried to stay quiet so as not to wake Nelson up. He slept until nearly 11:00.
While I was being quiet, I finished reading “Searching for God Knows What.” I received this book as a gift. It has been such a gift. I would highly recommend it—but be prepared, it’s not necessarily a “nice” book. It rattled my cage a few times, challenged me, and made me weep. The author, Donald Miller, is focusing on our relationship with God not the formulas we tend associate with Christianity. Powerful.
In the quiet, I was sitting and reflecting on Miller’s words, on my relationship with God, and my relationship with Nelson. Miller mentioned the story of Hosea and Gomer as an illustration of God’s love in the face of refusal. I was thinking of why so many people ignore and avoid the story. Wait, I think the word I’m really wanting here is resist. People resist the story because they assume the role of Hosea not Gomer. They judge the waywardness of Gomer, her cheating ways—and no one likes to be cheated on! When the reality is we are Gomer and are being loved with an indescribable, totally persuing kind of love.
I was thinking about that persuing love, which of course reminds me of Psalm 139 and the Hound of Heaven. That image and depth of that love is what drew to make a decision to follow Christ. I absolutely longed to be loved that way. I still do. That insatiable desire motivated me to do some things, involve myself in relationships that were completely unhealthy and totally destructive. And all the while, the love I thought I had to grab for was right at my fingertips in my incredible husband and my compassionate Father.
As I pondered these thoughts, I noticed a sign that I had received as a birthday gag. It reads: Happy 39th Birthday Again?! And I wondered: would I want to be 39 again? That would be nine years ago. That would put me back into the summer of 1996. I might go back if I could implement the “stuff” that I’ve learned—much of it the hard way.
Then I wondered: what one truth that I’ve learned in the last nine years would I take with me if I were permitted to do so. And I think it would have to be that nothing I can do, nothing, will make me more loveable; nothing will increase my chances for being loved; nothing will improve my status.
How absolutely different my life would be if I could just believe in my own value. How much pain I could have avoided and how much more fullness could I have enjoyed if I would have just accepted the truth of the Father’s estimation of me, especially as it was demonstrated in Nelson’s love for me.
So that’s how my morning has been. And now it’s race time. And friends (Rhonda and Steve) are coming by for a visit. A good day is just going to get better. I hope yours does too!
When that visit was done, they sent us to another office in the same building. There he was fitted for a walking boot—which at this moment seems redundant since is still not to put any weight on the ankle. The boot, however, did bring some relief from pain as it returned support to the seriously sore ankle.
So he’s back in bed. The ankle pain is minimal, but he has developed a new pain in his side at his lower rib cage. We’re not sure if he strained a muscle in all the moving around the other day or what, but it’s making it very hard for him to breath and move. And he can’t move his arm to use his urinal…so guess what that means…
Annie and Penelope went home yesterday evening. It’s quiet in the house again. Last night Beth picked her boyfriend up from work late so she just stayed at his house. That meant Nelson and I were here alone. I just didn’t want to sleep upstairs…alone, so I slept on the couch in the living room to be near Nelson. I slept quite soundly. He said I didn’t even snore…maybe I should sleep there more often.
I didn’t just sleep soundly, I slept long. I didn’t wake up until 8:00. I just don’t do that. I tried to stay quiet so as not to wake Nelson up. He slept until nearly 11:00.
While I was being quiet, I finished reading “Searching for God Knows What.” I received this book as a gift. It has been such a gift. I would highly recommend it—but be prepared, it’s not necessarily a “nice” book. It rattled my cage a few times, challenged me, and made me weep. The author, Donald Miller, is focusing on our relationship with God not the formulas we tend associate with Christianity. Powerful.
In the quiet, I was sitting and reflecting on Miller’s words, on my relationship with God, and my relationship with Nelson. Miller mentioned the story of Hosea and Gomer as an illustration of God’s love in the face of refusal. I was thinking of why so many people ignore and avoid the story. Wait, I think the word I’m really wanting here is resist. People resist the story because they assume the role of Hosea not Gomer. They judge the waywardness of Gomer, her cheating ways—and no one likes to be cheated on! When the reality is we are Gomer and are being loved with an indescribable, totally persuing kind of love.
I was thinking about that persuing love, which of course reminds me of Psalm 139 and the Hound of Heaven. That image and depth of that love is what drew to make a decision to follow Christ. I absolutely longed to be loved that way. I still do. That insatiable desire motivated me to do some things, involve myself in relationships that were completely unhealthy and totally destructive. And all the while, the love I thought I had to grab for was right at my fingertips in my incredible husband and my compassionate Father.
As I pondered these thoughts, I noticed a sign that I had received as a birthday gag. It reads: Happy 39th Birthday Again?! And I wondered: would I want to be 39 again? That would be nine years ago. That would put me back into the summer of 1996. I might go back if I could implement the “stuff” that I’ve learned—much of it the hard way.
Then I wondered: what one truth that I’ve learned in the last nine years would I take with me if I were permitted to do so. And I think it would have to be that nothing I can do, nothing, will make me more loveable; nothing will increase my chances for being loved; nothing will improve my status.
How absolutely different my life would be if I could just believe in my own value. How much pain I could have avoided and how much more fullness could I have enjoyed if I would have just accepted the truth of the Father’s estimation of me, especially as it was demonstrated in Nelson’s love for me.
So that’s how my morning has been. And now it’s race time. And friends (Rhonda and Steve) are coming by for a visit. A good day is just going to get better. I hope yours does too!
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Rough Night
It’s now 4:30am. And I’m wide awake. At about 1:30 Penelope had a night terror. Ann pulled her from the crib and put her in bed with us. Penelope is not an easy child to sleep with.
I sort of dozed off for a bit, but started having serious nasal drainage and began coughing. I didn’t want to wake them up, so I carefully crawled out of bed and came down to the computer. I wasn’t down here 10 minutes before I noticed the serious lightening show going off in the distant sky. I quickly ran out and rolled up the windows on mine and Ann’s cars. I got in just as the sky let loose. Hopefully, that burst will bring down the humidity.
I got back in the house and no sooner sat down with the computer when I heard a thump followed by a baby scream. I scooted up the stairs to find Ann trying to fetch Penelope off the floor on my side of the bed. It was quite a thump too, since we have bare hard wood floors in the bedroom. Ann was able to quiet her and it seemed they were headed off to sleep, so I went back to the computer.
Next thing I new, Ann and Penelope were coming down the stairs. Penelope sat and cuddled with me for a bit, but she just doesn’t seem to want to sleep. Ann wants to sleep, but Penelope won’t let her. I would like to sleep, but now it’s time to be awake to get ready for work. And Nelson is now awake, too, saying he hasn’t slept well all night.
Rats…and now the internet connection is gone. I’ll have to try and post later.
Connection’s back. Nelson is back to sleep. Penelope is watching “Little Mermaid” and her eyes are getting very, very heavy. Annie half asleep and yet keeping one eye on Penelope. And I’m heading out the door.
And somehow Beth slept through it all…lucky her! Have a day that brings many smiles!
I sort of dozed off for a bit, but started having serious nasal drainage and began coughing. I didn’t want to wake them up, so I carefully crawled out of bed and came down to the computer. I wasn’t down here 10 minutes before I noticed the serious lightening show going off in the distant sky. I quickly ran out and rolled up the windows on mine and Ann’s cars. I got in just as the sky let loose. Hopefully, that burst will bring down the humidity.
I got back in the house and no sooner sat down with the computer when I heard a thump followed by a baby scream. I scooted up the stairs to find Ann trying to fetch Penelope off the floor on my side of the bed. It was quite a thump too, since we have bare hard wood floors in the bedroom. Ann was able to quiet her and it seemed they were headed off to sleep, so I went back to the computer.
Next thing I new, Ann and Penelope were coming down the stairs. Penelope sat and cuddled with me for a bit, but she just doesn’t seem to want to sleep. Ann wants to sleep, but Penelope won’t let her. I would like to sleep, but now it’s time to be awake to get ready for work. And Nelson is now awake, too, saying he hasn’t slept well all night.
Rats…and now the internet connection is gone. I’ll have to try and post later.
Connection’s back. Nelson is back to sleep. Penelope is watching “Little Mermaid” and her eyes are getting very, very heavy. Annie half asleep and yet keeping one eye on Penelope. And I’m heading out the door.
And somehow Beth slept through it all…lucky her! Have a day that brings many smiles!
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
Night Night
All my days are looking much alike: work, care for hubster, play with the baby, and read about other people’s interesting lives.
It’s been a bit rough at work. Thankfully the humidity was down a little bit today. Monday and Tuesday I was sure I was going to melt. It was rough employee-wise, too. It’s only Wednesday and I’ve already lost 4 employees. One guy had to leave Tuesday morning because he thought he was having a heart attack. That same morning another gal walked off the job because she was “tired of all the b****ing.” I did have to keep telling her to put her safety glasses on—sorry, it does happen to be company policy. One of our guys was supposed to go to an AA meeting so he could come back to work. He went to the meeting, but unfortunately he was drunk and that sort of defeated his coming back. Then today a guy had to write up last week decided to really slough off and the rest of the team came to me about it. When I confronted him with their concerns, and informed him that I would be monitoring him he went ballistic and walked off the job. He was hanging around outside the building after. There was so much concern for my safety that the HR manager walked me out to my car. (I don’t think there was a need, but it made some people feel better.)
I’m really not that hard to work with. No really.
I should have known that it was going to be a weird day by the way that it started. I was just about to kiss Nelson and head out the door, when Nelson said, “I think I have to poop.” Well I couldn’t walk away from that…and I didn’t. Yeehaw.
We’re sitting here watching a show about tv goofs and gafaws. It’s a fun family time. There actually hasn’t been a nasty word spoken all evening. Maybe I should go to bed really quick so I can end the day on a good note!
Oh, I had a funny moment at the end of the day. Right at the end of the day Ed gave me a task that required setting up quite a bit of paperwork. I had some other things that I was going to work on too and I was going to do too. I was standing there talking to the CFO and after he offered to walk me to my car he asked what that stack of papers was. Caught! He wouldn’t let me out of the building with it. Old habits die hard. I’m glad I didn’t bring it home, but I will confess I have thought about it a couple times. I’ll just have to get it done tomorrow.
Right now, Penelope is saying it’s time to go night, night. So, night night all!
It’s been a bit rough at work. Thankfully the humidity was down a little bit today. Monday and Tuesday I was sure I was going to melt. It was rough employee-wise, too. It’s only Wednesday and I’ve already lost 4 employees. One guy had to leave Tuesday morning because he thought he was having a heart attack. That same morning another gal walked off the job because she was “tired of all the b****ing.” I did have to keep telling her to put her safety glasses on—sorry, it does happen to be company policy. One of our guys was supposed to go to an AA meeting so he could come back to work. He went to the meeting, but unfortunately he was drunk and that sort of defeated his coming back. Then today a guy had to write up last week decided to really slough off and the rest of the team came to me about it. When I confronted him with their concerns, and informed him that I would be monitoring him he went ballistic and walked off the job. He was hanging around outside the building after. There was so much concern for my safety that the HR manager walked me out to my car. (I don’t think there was a need, but it made some people feel better.)
I’m really not that hard to work with. No really.
I should have known that it was going to be a weird day by the way that it started. I was just about to kiss Nelson and head out the door, when Nelson said, “I think I have to poop.” Well I couldn’t walk away from that…and I didn’t. Yeehaw.
We’re sitting here watching a show about tv goofs and gafaws. It’s a fun family time. There actually hasn’t been a nasty word spoken all evening. Maybe I should go to bed really quick so I can end the day on a good note!
Oh, I had a funny moment at the end of the day. Right at the end of the day Ed gave me a task that required setting up quite a bit of paperwork. I had some other things that I was going to work on too and I was going to do too. I was standing there talking to the CFO and after he offered to walk me to my car he asked what that stack of papers was. Caught! He wouldn’t let me out of the building with it. Old habits die hard. I’m glad I didn’t bring it home, but I will confess I have thought about it a couple times. I’ll just have to get it done tomorrow.
Right now, Penelope is saying it’s time to go night, night. So, night night all!
Sunday, July 17, 2005
Weak-end?
Where did Saturday go?
I slept in all the way till 7:15. It was wonderful. I went very early to get my hair trimmed. I like to go early so I don’t have to wait. Even with it cut short I was just sweating up a blue streak. Hopefully this will help a little.
After Annie and Penelope were up and dressed we went to the Farmers’ Market. There weren’t many veggies, but there were lots of tables with baked goods and other things. I ended up buying some hot pickled peppers (for Nelson), an Amish loaf of wheat bread (for Annie), and a cilantro plant for me. Penelope liked seeing the horses. It was hot and beyond humid so we didn’t stay out long.
The rest of the day was just that: rest-full. Then about 7:30pm Nelson’s parents showed up. They live about 2 ½ hours away. We didn’t know they were coming. Spending time with them is challenging. Nelson just doesn’t have a good relationship with them. They’re staying at a local hotel tonight and coming back tomorrow.
Yesterday after work Ann and I ran to Walmart and SavALot and when we got back to the house I was telling her that I was thinking I would wait till morning to mow—hoping to avoid the humidity. As I pulled into the drive I realized that my yard was already mowed. The neighbor to the rear (who brought us strawberries and promises to bring us other goodies from his garden) had mowed our yard while we were gone. I felt so blessed. We have such good neighbors.
To say thank you to both Deryl and his son Lucas and our mowing, garden neighbor Ann made some chocolate chip cookies. They were quite yummy. Both helpers seemed surprised with our thank you, but that’s ok---we just wanted them to know how much we appreciated their help!
And now it’s Sunday.
I slept all the way till 7 this morning. When I woke up I checked out the time. I decided I should get my shower early and be ready for when Nelson’s parents show back up. I’m feeling sort of whiny about the whole thing and I don’t like feeling that way, but this is not how I want to spend my day off. Oh well, I will just suck it up and paste on a smile. At least they made an effort to connect with their son—something they haven’t done for years. I will keep my mind open and my prayers flowing for more love.
This is another one of those moments when it’s not about me.
I hope there are pleasant surprises and sunshine in your Sunday!
I slept in all the way till 7:15. It was wonderful. I went very early to get my hair trimmed. I like to go early so I don’t have to wait. Even with it cut short I was just sweating up a blue streak. Hopefully this will help a little.
After Annie and Penelope were up and dressed we went to the Farmers’ Market. There weren’t many veggies, but there were lots of tables with baked goods and other things. I ended up buying some hot pickled peppers (for Nelson), an Amish loaf of wheat bread (for Annie), and a cilantro plant for me. Penelope liked seeing the horses. It was hot and beyond humid so we didn’t stay out long.
The rest of the day was just that: rest-full. Then about 7:30pm Nelson’s parents showed up. They live about 2 ½ hours away. We didn’t know they were coming. Spending time with them is challenging. Nelson just doesn’t have a good relationship with them. They’re staying at a local hotel tonight and coming back tomorrow.
Yesterday after work Ann and I ran to Walmart and SavALot and when we got back to the house I was telling her that I was thinking I would wait till morning to mow—hoping to avoid the humidity. As I pulled into the drive I realized that my yard was already mowed. The neighbor to the rear (who brought us strawberries and promises to bring us other goodies from his garden) had mowed our yard while we were gone. I felt so blessed. We have such good neighbors.
To say thank you to both Deryl and his son Lucas and our mowing, garden neighbor Ann made some chocolate chip cookies. They were quite yummy. Both helpers seemed surprised with our thank you, but that’s ok---we just wanted them to know how much we appreciated their help!
And now it’s Sunday.
I slept all the way till 7 this morning. When I woke up I checked out the time. I decided I should get my shower early and be ready for when Nelson’s parents show back up. I’m feeling sort of whiny about the whole thing and I don’t like feeling that way, but this is not how I want to spend my day off. Oh well, I will just suck it up and paste on a smile. At least they made an effort to connect with their son—something they haven’t done for years. I will keep my mind open and my prayers flowing for more love.
This is another one of those moments when it’s not about me.
I hope there are pleasant surprises and sunshine in your Sunday!
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Home Again!
Nelson is home. The trip went much more smoothly than I had anticipated. The transportation guys at the hospital helped, as did the valet at the front door. He climbed right in the car and helped moved him forward.
It was raining really hard when Julie and I left for the hospital. We were so focused on the storm that we forgot the extra pillows needed to make the trip endurable. Needless to say there were many moans from the back of the Aztec. I tried to miss the bumps, but he felt every one of them.
I stopped at the house of a nearby friend to see if he could help us get Nelson in the house, but he was at work. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I decided to check and see if the neighbor catty-corner was home—I also thought he had a teenage son who could help. They were more than willing. The neighbor dad gave us some really good direction and we got Nelson in with no trouble! Have I mentioned that I have really good neighbors?
The other night I had a really interesting conversation with Beth. She asked a question that other people have also asked. She asked if we ever wondered that maybe we made a mistake by moving here to Ashland. My answer wasn’t anything I had given any thought. It was one of those moments where the answer was as much a revelation to me as it was to Beth.
I told her that sometimes the things God asks us to do aren’t about us. I suggested because we moved here we were able to help our friend Steve find a job to supplement his pastoral job since he’s not being compensated currently by his church. Because we moved here, Nelson was also able to recommend our friend Mook to be able to work with them on the house project too. It’s hard to describe how important it has been to him to have someone to believe that he could do the job.
Life hasn’t been easy since we got here, not easy at all, but it has been worth it when it’s put into that kind of context. It really isn’t always about us. Sure it would be nice to have things feel like they were going more in our favor. It would be nice to have a couple nickels to rub together. It would be nice for Nelson to feel some appreciation (and remuneration) for his hard work. But once upon a time we relinquished those “rights.” And quite honestly it has been fun to watch how things unfold.
Now I have to own that I don’t always live into the fullness of that truth. Sitting here and seeing the pain on Nelson’s face doesn’t make that truth easy to believe. But sometimes the truth isn’t easy
Well, I’m needing to rock a sweet baby to sleep…yep, Penelope brought her mommy back so she could be Pepa’s nurse and Penelope could keep a smile on Pepa’s face! Hopefully I won’t be the one who falls asleep in the chair! Sweet dreams…I know I will…all my sweeties are here (when Beth gets home that is).
It was raining really hard when Julie and I left for the hospital. We were so focused on the storm that we forgot the extra pillows needed to make the trip endurable. Needless to say there were many moans from the back of the Aztec. I tried to miss the bumps, but he felt every one of them.
I stopped at the house of a nearby friend to see if he could help us get Nelson in the house, but he was at work. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. I decided to check and see if the neighbor catty-corner was home—I also thought he had a teenage son who could help. They were more than willing. The neighbor dad gave us some really good direction and we got Nelson in with no trouble! Have I mentioned that I have really good neighbors?
The other night I had a really interesting conversation with Beth. She asked a question that other people have also asked. She asked if we ever wondered that maybe we made a mistake by moving here to Ashland. My answer wasn’t anything I had given any thought. It was one of those moments where the answer was as much a revelation to me as it was to Beth.
I told her that sometimes the things God asks us to do aren’t about us. I suggested because we moved here we were able to help our friend Steve find a job to supplement his pastoral job since he’s not being compensated currently by his church. Because we moved here, Nelson was also able to recommend our friend Mook to be able to work with them on the house project too. It’s hard to describe how important it has been to him to have someone to believe that he could do the job.
Life hasn’t been easy since we got here, not easy at all, but it has been worth it when it’s put into that kind of context. It really isn’t always about us. Sure it would be nice to have things feel like they were going more in our favor. It would be nice to have a couple nickels to rub together. It would be nice for Nelson to feel some appreciation (and remuneration) for his hard work. But once upon a time we relinquished those “rights.” And quite honestly it has been fun to watch how things unfold.
Now I have to own that I don’t always live into the fullness of that truth. Sitting here and seeing the pain on Nelson’s face doesn’t make that truth easy to believe. But sometimes the truth isn’t easy
Well, I’m needing to rock a sweet baby to sleep…yep, Penelope brought her mommy back so she could be Pepa’s nurse and Penelope could keep a smile on Pepa’s face! Hopefully I won’t be the one who falls asleep in the chair! Sweet dreams…I know I will…all my sweeties are here (when Beth gets home that is).
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Humpty Dumpty Report
I’m home. I’m exhausted. We got Nelson there—even a little early! Not a good thing necessarily when you’re waiting for surgery. I just wanted to allow for traffic.
While we were in surgery waiting, the doctor let us know that Nelson would be staying a couple extra days. This was comforting news. Nelson had been concerned about how we were going to be able to manage his pain.
My sis came early and then stayed all day with me. It was good to have the company. We talked a lot and were quiet at other times. The surgery waiting area was very “homey” so we were comfortable all afternoon.
Nelson was taken to surgery around 11:30am and we finally got to his room around 5:30. The surgery took about 4 hours. They found more damage to the joint than anticipated and found another broken bone, this one in his foot.
We took Nelson’s c-pap (forced air breathing machine for his apnea) machine with us—just in case they did keep him. Julie had gone to the parking garage to retrieve it from the car when I arrived in Nelson’s room. I was not ready for what I found. Nelson was laying in the bed moaning, it was obvious that he was in terrible pain.
I have known this man for nearly 28 years. I have seen him injured on several occasions. I have never seen him hurting as badly as I did this evening. He told the nurse that his pain was at a 9 (on a scale where 10 is the worst). I translated to the nurse that on a “normal” person’s pain scale that would put Nelson’s pain at about a 15. He just doesn’t complain about pain. My heart started to ache. I felt so helpless, sick seeing him hurt and totally unable to do anything…well, not anything. I walked over and just began stroking him on the arm and across his forehead. That calms him, relaxes him. And as he relaxed the pain meds began to kick in.
Yesterday, I called Nelson from work while I was on my 2:00 break. He told me he was a big boy. He had gotten out of the bed and onto the bedside potty all by himself and had a bowel movement. I started thinking about it and the thoughts weren’t good. I had forgotten to put any water in the potty bucket. That would make clean up fun. And how pleasant it was going to be to come into the house with that aroma greeting me. He told me hat he was a really big boy and put the bucket in the half bath and shut the door. He had managed to get himself from the potty to the wheel chair and rolled to the bathroom to “hide” the potty bucket. I told him to warn the daughter so that she didn’t walk in there after work.
I cleaned things up when I got home from work…including the hubster. That’s really love. I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn’t much different from changing a dirty diaper, but it really isn’t the same.
Wiping your sweetie’s seatie is really love in action. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that true love is just willing to wade through the crap: whether it’s wiping a poopy bottom or coming to grips with unexpected, unexplainable criminal behavior. Nelson’s amazing ability to forgive me and keep loving me makes cleaning up poop seem like a walk in the park.
One of my favorite biblical moments comes when the crowd questions the woman who anoints Jesus feet and head at the dinner at the Pharisee’s house. Jesus tells a story to explain her extravagant display love. (Luke 7:36-50) In the story two men are forgiven a debt they cannot repay: one small and the other enormous. Jesus’ question: Which one will love more? Simon’s response is that it will be the one who has been forgiven more.
I understand this. I have been greatly forgiven, I am deeply loved…and there is no other response but to love and love deeply.
I may not be explaining this well…that may be because I’m feeling it quite deeply.
So now I’m going to take my weary self to bed…tomorrow holds much to do: work and a run to the hospital. Better get some rest. Hope you do too!
While we were in surgery waiting, the doctor let us know that Nelson would be staying a couple extra days. This was comforting news. Nelson had been concerned about how we were going to be able to manage his pain.
My sis came early and then stayed all day with me. It was good to have the company. We talked a lot and were quiet at other times. The surgery waiting area was very “homey” so we were comfortable all afternoon.
Nelson was taken to surgery around 11:30am and we finally got to his room around 5:30. The surgery took about 4 hours. They found more damage to the joint than anticipated and found another broken bone, this one in his foot.
We took Nelson’s c-pap (forced air breathing machine for his apnea) machine with us—just in case they did keep him. Julie had gone to the parking garage to retrieve it from the car when I arrived in Nelson’s room. I was not ready for what I found. Nelson was laying in the bed moaning, it was obvious that he was in terrible pain.
I have known this man for nearly 28 years. I have seen him injured on several occasions. I have never seen him hurting as badly as I did this evening. He told the nurse that his pain was at a 9 (on a scale where 10 is the worst). I translated to the nurse that on a “normal” person’s pain scale that would put Nelson’s pain at about a 15. He just doesn’t complain about pain. My heart started to ache. I felt so helpless, sick seeing him hurt and totally unable to do anything…well, not anything. I walked over and just began stroking him on the arm and across his forehead. That calms him, relaxes him. And as he relaxed the pain meds began to kick in.
Yesterday, I called Nelson from work while I was on my 2:00 break. He told me he was a big boy. He had gotten out of the bed and onto the bedside potty all by himself and had a bowel movement. I started thinking about it and the thoughts weren’t good. I had forgotten to put any water in the potty bucket. That would make clean up fun. And how pleasant it was going to be to come into the house with that aroma greeting me. He told me hat he was a really big boy and put the bucket in the half bath and shut the door. He had managed to get himself from the potty to the wheel chair and rolled to the bathroom to “hide” the potty bucket. I told him to warn the daughter so that she didn’t walk in there after work.
I cleaned things up when I got home from work…including the hubster. That’s really love. I kept trying to tell myself that it wasn’t much different from changing a dirty diaper, but it really isn’t the same.
Wiping your sweetie’s seatie is really love in action. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that true love is just willing to wade through the crap: whether it’s wiping a poopy bottom or coming to grips with unexpected, unexplainable criminal behavior. Nelson’s amazing ability to forgive me and keep loving me makes cleaning up poop seem like a walk in the park.
One of my favorite biblical moments comes when the crowd questions the woman who anoints Jesus feet and head at the dinner at the Pharisee’s house. Jesus tells a story to explain her extravagant display love. (Luke 7:36-50) In the story two men are forgiven a debt they cannot repay: one small and the other enormous. Jesus’ question: Which one will love more? Simon’s response is that it will be the one who has been forgiven more.
I understand this. I have been greatly forgiven, I am deeply loved…and there is no other response but to love and love deeply.
I may not be explaining this well…that may be because I’m feeling it quite deeply.
So now I’m going to take my weary self to bed…tomorrow holds much to do: work and a run to the hospital. Better get some rest. Hope you do too!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Fast of Slow
Well, after working to adjust to the idea of Nelson laying around for another three weeks--the doctor talked to the nurse practioner this morning. He asked why Nelson wasn't on the surgery schedule this week? When she told him that Nelson wasn't scheduled to be seen again until 8/3 he was not pleased and scheduled Nelson for surgery tomorrow at 11:00am.
So I had to get things organized at work. Again, they were very understanding that I needed the day off.
We just finished Chinese for dinner. Nelson actually had a little appetite and since he knew he wouldn't be eating again tomorrow he decided to eat something that sounded really good. And it was!
Well, I've got laundry to finish, dishes to wash, and if it cools down I may try to mow...maybe.
So I had to get things organized at work. Again, they were very understanding that I needed the day off.
We just finished Chinese for dinner. Nelson actually had a little appetite and since he knew he wouldn't be eating again tomorrow he decided to eat something that sounded really good. And it was!
Well, I've got laundry to finish, dishes to wash, and if it cools down I may try to mow...maybe.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Friday
Doctor Report:
A guy at work offered me the free use of a wheel chair. His dad (a big man like Nelson) had diabetes and had his leg amputated. This was a real blessing because we were going to have to rent one and were told Workers’ Comp wouldn’t pay for it.
So my sis came to help with her Aztec (the seats fold down flat) to help us get to the appointment. We worked hard at it, but were finally able to get Nelson comfortably into the car.
We arrived for the appointment on time. They were quite prompt at getting us seen. We were scheduled with the nurse practitioner—this should have clued me in. They took off the wrap and the gauze pads. They were sort of gross…nah, they were lots icky.
The nurse practitioner told us that things were looking good, and healing well. She told us that the swelling was to be expected. His foot and ankle are really bruised and the skin looks really taunt from the swelling.
We were hoping that during one of the many times when she left the room she would return with the Doc and he would tell us when the surgery would be next week. Each time she returned alone. Finally, she let us know that the doctor wasn’t even in today and Nelson wouldn’t see him until his next appointment which is August 3.
This was very discouraging news. Nelson is so tired of just laying around. Three more weeks of this is going to be really tough. We spent some time this morning trying to think of things for him to do during the day to pass the time. Sis gave him a pair of reading glasses and that enabled him to read the computer screen. He can listen to his favorite radio station over the internet too. I’m going to bring down his box of stamps that he can look at and price.
Annie is going home today, too. We discussed it and decided that there wasn’t much point in her staying for the three weeks and then for however long is needed after the next surgery. Needless to say, Travis is happy that she’s coming home. The big loss in all this will the presence of Little Miss Entertainment, but Penelope needs to get home to her familiar surrounds, too.
Well, there’s some other stuff going on too, but I thought I’d fill you in on this and then write more later.
TTFN
A guy at work offered me the free use of a wheel chair. His dad (a big man like Nelson) had diabetes and had his leg amputated. This was a real blessing because we were going to have to rent one and were told Workers’ Comp wouldn’t pay for it.
So my sis came to help with her Aztec (the seats fold down flat) to help us get to the appointment. We worked hard at it, but were finally able to get Nelson comfortably into the car.
We arrived for the appointment on time. They were quite prompt at getting us seen. We were scheduled with the nurse practitioner—this should have clued me in. They took off the wrap and the gauze pads. They were sort of gross…nah, they were lots icky.
The nurse practitioner told us that things were looking good, and healing well. She told us that the swelling was to be expected. His foot and ankle are really bruised and the skin looks really taunt from the swelling.
We were hoping that during one of the many times when she left the room she would return with the Doc and he would tell us when the surgery would be next week. Each time she returned alone. Finally, she let us know that the doctor wasn’t even in today and Nelson wouldn’t see him until his next appointment which is August 3.
This was very discouraging news. Nelson is so tired of just laying around. Three more weeks of this is going to be really tough. We spent some time this morning trying to think of things for him to do during the day to pass the time. Sis gave him a pair of reading glasses and that enabled him to read the computer screen. He can listen to his favorite radio station over the internet too. I’m going to bring down his box of stamps that he can look at and price.
Annie is going home today, too. We discussed it and decided that there wasn’t much point in her staying for the three weeks and then for however long is needed after the next surgery. Needless to say, Travis is happy that she’s coming home. The big loss in all this will the presence of Little Miss Entertainment, but Penelope needs to get home to her familiar surrounds, too.
Well, there’s some other stuff going on too, but I thought I’d fill you in on this and then write more later.
TTFN
Monday, July 04, 2005
A Little About Me
Nelson is hanging in there. He's taking less pain meds. Ducolax is an amazingly quick working stool softenor and true love is wiping/cleaning your beloveds butt. He's getting tired of only laying on his back and bored, but working hard at being a model patient.
Now I'd like to talk about me for a minute. I'm becomnig very aware of something about myself. I have always been intrigued and impressed by the Meyers-Briggs Trait Inventory. I think it is insight-full and helpful for understanding much about oneself and applying that knowledge to many facets of life (relationships, work, leisure, and spirituality to name a few).
I became familiar with MBTI during my chaplaincy training (CPE) in Kansas City. The first time I took the inventory came out as a ESFP. My result reflected my mask or external self that was "on" most of the time. My supervisors and groupmates helped me to unpack that and I retook the inventory. Not too surprisingly, I came out a INFJ--just about as opposite as you can get. Again, however, this felt more like what I wanted to be. In the end, I learned I was terribly confused and it's very difficult to "develop one's pastoral identity" (goal of CPE) when one isn't aware of one's personal identity.
Over the years I've hung in there with MBTI, reading and trying to understand so that I can better understand myself. This became an even more pressing study after I committed my crime and wanted to better understand how the heck I got there so that I would be sure to never go back. I learned:
1. I do the extrovert exceptionally well. So well in fact, that people expect it out of me in social situations. I'm the motivator, the entertainer, the mingler. When I don't act this way people who know me wonder what's wrong with me?
2. Playing the role of extrovert takes a huge toll on me emotional and physically. I can do it, but it doesn't energize me. Quite the contrary, I'm drained. My kids noticed a definite difference in me when they observed my extroverted behavior at work and leading groups and then saw me crash and withdraw at home. It was hard for them to reconcile the two sides of their mom.
3. I am most balanced between sensing and the intuitive (N and S), while there is very little Thinking in me--I'm off the scale into Feeling (T and F). I can be a planner (J), but generally function more naturally flying by the seat of my pants (P). I think that has something to do with the perfectionist in me. I can live by the datebook and rules, but if you're more happy-go-lucky then you're less likely to screw up when you just take things as they come. You're also less disappointed and growing up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home planning only led to disappointment so why bother?
4. Now, here's what has struck me this weekend---and why I'm even thinking about these things at all. I have developed into quite an I (introverted) personality. This could be due in part to not having much of any outlet for my extrovert (not necessary for my job and not leading in any other capacities of my life right now).
Since Nelson has been home from the hospital Ann has been here with Penelope. I love them. I am so happy that they are here to help. But with them here, Nelson here 24/7, and Beth being here I don't have any quiet alone time. Right now my computer is offline (Annie upgraded to XP and my Netgear utility didn't transfer so I'm waiting for a service call to fix that) so I'm using the computer in Beth's room. I feel like I'm intruding in her space so I wait till she's at work. This afternoon, Rhonda and Steve are coming to visit. I dearly love them and will be happy to see them. Oh, and Travis came over yesterday morning--he's been missing Annie and Penelope.
So I have a houseful of people--whom I love and treasure--and yet I look at it with an unusal level of dread. This feels very odd to me and I'm not liking it much. I'm sort of hoping the baby gets fussy so I can take her for a walk. I did that twice yesterday, and although it was extremely warm and humid, I welcomed the peaceful escape (Penelope fell asleep almost the instant the stroller wheels started turning).
And that feels selfish to me. The guilt arises because my family doesn't understand the introverted part of me and the downtime I require. Because I have been so "good" at wearing the mask and playing the extrovert role, that's what they expect. I've created a monster: me. And I'm not quite sure how to change the roles.
Now I would pooh-pooh anyone else who felt that way, but haven't quite mustered up the gracefulness for myself. Something to work on I guess.
So while I ponder my personal personality dilemma, y'all have a blessed day and if you're in a place where there'll be fireworks tonight--Enjoy!
Now I'd like to talk about me for a minute. I'm becomnig very aware of something about myself. I have always been intrigued and impressed by the Meyers-Briggs Trait Inventory. I think it is insight-full and helpful for understanding much about oneself and applying that knowledge to many facets of life (relationships, work, leisure, and spirituality to name a few).
I became familiar with MBTI during my chaplaincy training (CPE) in Kansas City. The first time I took the inventory came out as a ESFP. My result reflected my mask or external self that was "on" most of the time. My supervisors and groupmates helped me to unpack that and I retook the inventory. Not too surprisingly, I came out a INFJ--just about as opposite as you can get. Again, however, this felt more like what I wanted to be. In the end, I learned I was terribly confused and it's very difficult to "develop one's pastoral identity" (goal of CPE) when one isn't aware of one's personal identity.
Over the years I've hung in there with MBTI, reading and trying to understand so that I can better understand myself. This became an even more pressing study after I committed my crime and wanted to better understand how the heck I got there so that I would be sure to never go back. I learned:
1. I do the extrovert exceptionally well. So well in fact, that people expect it out of me in social situations. I'm the motivator, the entertainer, the mingler. When I don't act this way people who know me wonder what's wrong with me?
2. Playing the role of extrovert takes a huge toll on me emotional and physically. I can do it, but it doesn't energize me. Quite the contrary, I'm drained. My kids noticed a definite difference in me when they observed my extroverted behavior at work and leading groups and then saw me crash and withdraw at home. It was hard for them to reconcile the two sides of their mom.
3. I am most balanced between sensing and the intuitive (N and S), while there is very little Thinking in me--I'm off the scale into Feeling (T and F). I can be a planner (J), but generally function more naturally flying by the seat of my pants (P). I think that has something to do with the perfectionist in me. I can live by the datebook and rules, but if you're more happy-go-lucky then you're less likely to screw up when you just take things as they come. You're also less disappointed and growing up in a dysfunctional alcoholic home planning only led to disappointment so why bother?
4. Now, here's what has struck me this weekend---and why I'm even thinking about these things at all. I have developed into quite an I (introverted) personality. This could be due in part to not having much of any outlet for my extrovert (not necessary for my job and not leading in any other capacities of my life right now).
Since Nelson has been home from the hospital Ann has been here with Penelope. I love them. I am so happy that they are here to help. But with them here, Nelson here 24/7, and Beth being here I don't have any quiet alone time. Right now my computer is offline (Annie upgraded to XP and my Netgear utility didn't transfer so I'm waiting for a service call to fix that) so I'm using the computer in Beth's room. I feel like I'm intruding in her space so I wait till she's at work. This afternoon, Rhonda and Steve are coming to visit. I dearly love them and will be happy to see them. Oh, and Travis came over yesterday morning--he's been missing Annie and Penelope.
So I have a houseful of people--whom I love and treasure--and yet I look at it with an unusal level of dread. This feels very odd to me and I'm not liking it much. I'm sort of hoping the baby gets fussy so I can take her for a walk. I did that twice yesterday, and although it was extremely warm and humid, I welcomed the peaceful escape (Penelope fell asleep almost the instant the stroller wheels started turning).
And that feels selfish to me. The guilt arises because my family doesn't understand the introverted part of me and the downtime I require. Because I have been so "good" at wearing the mask and playing the extrovert role, that's what they expect. I've created a monster: me. And I'm not quite sure how to change the roles.
Now I would pooh-pooh anyone else who felt that way, but haven't quite mustered up the gracefulness for myself. Something to work on I guess.
So while I ponder my personal personality dilemma, y'all have a blessed day and if you're in a place where there'll be fireworks tonight--Enjoy!
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Here's the Latest
WEDNESDAY:
Nelson spent most of the day waiting to know what was going to happen next. In PT he convinced them that he couldn’t maneuver the steps so they ordered an ambulette to transport him home. I went straight to the hospital after wok (steel toe shoes and uniform still on) so that I could give Nelson a bed bath and gather his belongings.
When the transport people arrived they didn’t have a big enough wheel chair for Nelson so we had to wait on that. We pointed out to the one woman who was responsible for the transport that there were steps into the house and she had to call for back up. Back up came from a town over 30mi away. When they all got to the house Nelson was taken from the wheel chair, put on a cot, and wheeled into the house. He’s been in the hospital bed ever since.
I have a pic of the hardware that Beth took. She sent it to me in an email. I sent it to my Uncle in AZ so my mom could see it and to Nelson’s mom in Toledo, but I don’t know how to load it into here.
It has been good to have Ann and Penelope here. Penelope does a wonderful job of keeping Nelson entertained and Ann has been cooking so Nelson has been eating a little more.
FRIDAY:
Well we got some bad news today. It just seems like a constant stream of two steps forward and three steps back. It was good news that Nelson was/is covered by Workman’s Comp. It’s a good thing that Workman’s comp pays 60% of a person’s wage when they are laid up. So what’s the bad news?
The 60% is based on the past 6 months of wages. That would be the 6 months that Nelson was working and not getting paid. And 60% of next to nothing is…drum roll please: a big fat nothing.
And wait there’s more…the cost of the ambulette may not be covered for the ride home and definitely isn’t covered for next week’s visit to the doctor. The ride home cost about $875.00. Yehaw.
Nelson has taken less pain meds today. But his foot is swelling. Oh, and best of all—he hasn’t had a bowel movement since last Thursday. We were just talking about it. If something doesn’t move by Monday we’ll call his home health nurse. Yippeeeee.
Well, we just had our entertainment for the evening. In addition to us all watching Jeopardy (Ann, Beth, Penelope, Nelson and me), then Ann gave Nelson a shave. Oh my what an absolute hoot!
I guess that’s how life is here…frustration wrapped in laughter.
Nelson spent most of the day waiting to know what was going to happen next. In PT he convinced them that he couldn’t maneuver the steps so they ordered an ambulette to transport him home. I went straight to the hospital after wok (steel toe shoes and uniform still on) so that I could give Nelson a bed bath and gather his belongings.
When the transport people arrived they didn’t have a big enough wheel chair for Nelson so we had to wait on that. We pointed out to the one woman who was responsible for the transport that there were steps into the house and she had to call for back up. Back up came from a town over 30mi away. When they all got to the house Nelson was taken from the wheel chair, put on a cot, and wheeled into the house. He’s been in the hospital bed ever since.
I have a pic of the hardware that Beth took. She sent it to me in an email. I sent it to my Uncle in AZ so my mom could see it and to Nelson’s mom in Toledo, but I don’t know how to load it into here.
It has been good to have Ann and Penelope here. Penelope does a wonderful job of keeping Nelson entertained and Ann has been cooking so Nelson has been eating a little more.
FRIDAY:
Well we got some bad news today. It just seems like a constant stream of two steps forward and three steps back. It was good news that Nelson was/is covered by Workman’s Comp. It’s a good thing that Workman’s comp pays 60% of a person’s wage when they are laid up. So what’s the bad news?
The 60% is based on the past 6 months of wages. That would be the 6 months that Nelson was working and not getting paid. And 60% of next to nothing is…drum roll please: a big fat nothing.
And wait there’s more…the cost of the ambulette may not be covered for the ride home and definitely isn’t covered for next week’s visit to the doctor. The ride home cost about $875.00. Yehaw.
Nelson has taken less pain meds today. But his foot is swelling. Oh, and best of all—he hasn’t had a bowel movement since last Thursday. We were just talking about it. If something doesn’t move by Monday we’ll call his home health nurse. Yippeeeee.
Well, we just had our entertainment for the evening. In addition to us all watching Jeopardy (Ann, Beth, Penelope, Nelson and me), then Ann gave Nelson a shave. Oh my what an absolute hoot!
I guess that’s how life is here…frustration wrapped in laughter.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Quick Update
Very quick!
I worked yesterday—per Nelson’s instructions. There was plenty going on to keep my mind occupied. He finally saw the doc about 2pm—not very long before surgery. I was wanting to get to the hospital right away, but of course I was stopped on my out of the building.
I did meet with my PO and she did approve the NASCAR race! I’m so excited—Now we have to get Nelson ready and able. While I was in her office the sky opened up and down came the rain. The storm rumbled through the area and the warning came out for “dangerous lightening.”
I decided not to drive to the hospital in pouring rain and rush hour traffic so I spent a little time checking things on the computer before I left. I arrived at the Surgery Waiting Room desk just as the doc did to give me the details.
Nelson did have the initial operation where they “stretched” him back out. He has a rod through his heel and one at his knee. Rhonda had tried to prepare me for all the hardware, but there’s no way to be ready for that. Nelson was hurting really badly. He will have the hardware for at least 10 days. He has an appointment next Tuesday at the Doc's office. The next surgery will be for the reconstruction of the ankle...Yehaw!
I stayed for a few hours, but he barely knew I was there so shortly after 9pm I left. I got lost in downtown Akron coming home, but was able to trust my pitiful sense of direction to get me back to the freeway. It worked!
I’m tired and would really rather go back to bad, but it’s not in the cards today. Have to work and then Annie and Penelope will be here later and Nelson may come home today.
Thanks for all your prayers!!! They mean so much to me as does all your support, care, and encouragement. Have a Wonderful Wednesday!
I worked yesterday—per Nelson’s instructions. There was plenty going on to keep my mind occupied. He finally saw the doc about 2pm—not very long before surgery. I was wanting to get to the hospital right away, but of course I was stopped on my out of the building.
I did meet with my PO and she did approve the NASCAR race! I’m so excited—Now we have to get Nelson ready and able. While I was in her office the sky opened up and down came the rain. The storm rumbled through the area and the warning came out for “dangerous lightening.”
I decided not to drive to the hospital in pouring rain and rush hour traffic so I spent a little time checking things on the computer before I left. I arrived at the Surgery Waiting Room desk just as the doc did to give me the details.
Nelson did have the initial operation where they “stretched” him back out. He has a rod through his heel and one at his knee. Rhonda had tried to prepare me for all the hardware, but there’s no way to be ready for that. Nelson was hurting really badly. He will have the hardware for at least 10 days. He has an appointment next Tuesday at the Doc's office. The next surgery will be for the reconstruction of the ankle...Yehaw!
I stayed for a few hours, but he barely knew I was there so shortly after 9pm I left. I got lost in downtown Akron coming home, but was able to trust my pitiful sense of direction to get me back to the freeway. It worked!
I’m tired and would really rather go back to bad, but it’s not in the cards today. Have to work and then Annie and Penelope will be here later and Nelson may come home today.
Thanks for all your prayers!!! They mean so much to me as does all your support, care, and encouragement. Have a Wonderful Wednesday!
Monday, June 27, 2005
A Few More Answers...A Little More ControlI
I went to work for a couple hours this morning. It went well. I had a chance to talk with Buddy for a few minutes. When I started talking about Nelson’s constant pain I just broke down. I must have known that he would understand.
I got to the Medina hospital around 10:15. PT came and got Nelson up and he hopped toward the door. Just as he got close the door his nurse walked in. She announced to us that the ambulance would be there in a half hour to take him to Akron General Hospital and his surgery was scheduled for tomorrow at 4:30. Finally, something definite.
I got Nelson bathed and dressed and we were wondering how late they would be when they walked into the room—early! Imagine that. I was able to get to the new hospital, even though the directions were incorrect. As I walked down the hall to Nelson’s room I saw him laying on the gurney in the hall. That seemed a little odd, but not compared to how odd it was that there wasn’t a bed in the room—and the way the nurses kept apologizing since they had been asking for a bed for hours since they knew he was coming. Sure would have been nice if someone would have let us know. Sheesh. But the fun continued when the bed arrived and then didn’t work. Can you say comedy of errors.
They had quite a bit of trouble finding a vein for an IV and then later for one for the vampire to get bloodwork before surgery. Took 3 nurses each time. We giggled all the way trough it He looked so silly laying there in bed with his Ernie (of Sesame Street) t-shirt on.
We don’t know anynmore details, but it feels good to have him there and know that his surgery is scheduled.
Nelson has insisted that I go to work tomorrow. He says he doesn’t understand why I would want to just sit there with him. I guess it’s a guy thing…at least that’s what some of the guys at work said. They said they’d feel the same way. So I’ll be working. and then heading to the hospital after work—well really, after I stop for a visit with my PO. Gotta get that permission to go to the race.
A couple of things I’ve noticed….First, I want to apologize for ranting on the way I did. I had to sit back and think about where all the frustration was coming from. And I think what got to me the most was the total lack of control. I have never done well when I don’t feel any control. If this was a test I don’t think I did very well. Sigh. I started out okay, but the longer it seemed to with uncertainty I just crumbled. Definitely need to work here.
Then, I scared myself this morning. I used to find my totally identity in my work. I worked myself to death: spiritually and emotionally. I got to the plant at 6:15am this morning. I went in that early to get started on correcting the packaging problem from Friday. As I stood there with sweat dripping off me, working in the half-lit area, I just stopped. There was only so much I could do…there was only so much I was going to try to do. I was going to line things out and delegate it out. Work would go on without me. I needed to be with my husband—whether he wanted me to be there or not. As I stood there in the dark with the truth dawning on me, I also began to feel a much deeper sense of relief and peace.
There’s one more thing I’ve really been wrestling with the past few days, since Nelson fell. The whole reason we moved up here was for Nelson to supervise the building of this huge house. We felt so strongly that we were to move here and it has been nothing but difficult from the get go. And now this? It’s hard not to wonder if we misread. It’s hard not to question. By the end of the day, I heard myself say to a couple different people that this was sure a round about way to get me to my factory job. Is that what this really was all about? Lots of questions…and hopefully a lot of time to answer them.
Well, how’s that for an update? I’ll let you know how surgery goes. Until then, sweet dreams.
I got to the Medina hospital around 10:15. PT came and got Nelson up and he hopped toward the door. Just as he got close the door his nurse walked in. She announced to us that the ambulance would be there in a half hour to take him to Akron General Hospital and his surgery was scheduled for tomorrow at 4:30. Finally, something definite.
I got Nelson bathed and dressed and we were wondering how late they would be when they walked into the room—early! Imagine that. I was able to get to the new hospital, even though the directions were incorrect. As I walked down the hall to Nelson’s room I saw him laying on the gurney in the hall. That seemed a little odd, but not compared to how odd it was that there wasn’t a bed in the room—and the way the nurses kept apologizing since they had been asking for a bed for hours since they knew he was coming. Sure would have been nice if someone would have let us know. Sheesh. But the fun continued when the bed arrived and then didn’t work. Can you say comedy of errors.
They had quite a bit of trouble finding a vein for an IV and then later for one for the vampire to get bloodwork before surgery. Took 3 nurses each time. We giggled all the way trough it He looked so silly laying there in bed with his Ernie (of Sesame Street) t-shirt on.
We don’t know anynmore details, but it feels good to have him there and know that his surgery is scheduled.
Nelson has insisted that I go to work tomorrow. He says he doesn’t understand why I would want to just sit there with him. I guess it’s a guy thing…at least that’s what some of the guys at work said. They said they’d feel the same way. So I’ll be working. and then heading to the hospital after work—well really, after I stop for a visit with my PO. Gotta get that permission to go to the race.
A couple of things I’ve noticed….First, I want to apologize for ranting on the way I did. I had to sit back and think about where all the frustration was coming from. And I think what got to me the most was the total lack of control. I have never done well when I don’t feel any control. If this was a test I don’t think I did very well. Sigh. I started out okay, but the longer it seemed to with uncertainty I just crumbled. Definitely need to work here.
Then, I scared myself this morning. I used to find my totally identity in my work. I worked myself to death: spiritually and emotionally. I got to the plant at 6:15am this morning. I went in that early to get started on correcting the packaging problem from Friday. As I stood there with sweat dripping off me, working in the half-lit area, I just stopped. There was only so much I could do…there was only so much I was going to try to do. I was going to line things out and delegate it out. Work would go on without me. I needed to be with my husband—whether he wanted me to be there or not. As I stood there in the dark with the truth dawning on me, I also began to feel a much deeper sense of relief and peace.
There’s one more thing I’ve really been wrestling with the past few days, since Nelson fell. The whole reason we moved up here was for Nelson to supervise the building of this huge house. We felt so strongly that we were to move here and it has been nothing but difficult from the get go. And now this? It’s hard not to wonder if we misread. It’s hard not to question. By the end of the day, I heard myself say to a couple different people that this was sure a round about way to get me to my factory job. Is that what this really was all about? Lots of questions…and hopefully a lot of time to answer them.
Well, how’s that for an update? I’ll let you know how surgery goes. Until then, sweet dreams.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
What Plans?
I’m home and I’m miffed. I am in full-blown stressed out mode. I spent the day at the hospital with Nelson. We watched the race together. I was getting ready to leave when the orthopedic doc who was referring us out stopped by. Here’s his plan:
-I will go to work to fix a problem that I found right at quitting time on Friday that has to be done first thing so that it can be shipped out (this involves unpacking 2 skids of packed parts that didn’t get a sticker on them designed for all shipments going to Mexico…a horrible oversight by the people running the line, but thankfully caught before they shipped). I will also line out the work for the day and make sure that it is done correctly.
-Nelson will have a session with PT in the morning to teach him how to walk. In his three sessions with PT he has stood up twice taken a couple of sideways scooch steps and then today moved over to sit in the chair. So in a session they are going to teach him how walk, get up a couple steps, and get in and out of a car.
-I will call the doctor’s office in Akron to see when I get a doctor’s appointment. I am hoping that I can get one where I go straight from the hospital to the clinic. If I can’t get him in until Tuesday, I will then bring him home.
-While I’m either at work or in the process of transporting Nelson, Dave, Steve, and Mook will deliver the hospital bed to my house.
-Nelson will hopefully be seen by the surgeon and some type of work will be done on his leg and ankle.
My head hurts with all the maybes and hopefullies. I want to stomp my foot and tell someone to just give me a straight answer and not all these uncertainties. Why is that so much to ask for?
I had to call Ed to tell him about my situation. I called his cell, but obviously he and his wife had exchanged phones. He is on his way to his dad’s in West Virginia because his dad is dying. So I had to call Buddy. I feel badly because I’m having to miss work, but more so because I can’t tell them how much I’m going to have to miss because I can’t get anyone to give an answer on that.
So now I’ve vented a little to the daughter and she’s ready to rush over, but I told her that I need her here when Nelson gets home. I think it will be way too difficult to move him about and keep Penelope corralled. She wasn’t really happy with my way of thinking, but I think I was forceful enough to keep her from jumping in the car right that minute.
I ranted a little to Rhonda, who immediately wanted to fix everything. It can’t be fixed. I am at the mercy of a doc who hasn’t even seen the x-rays and his very busy schedule (show me a doc who doesn’t have a busy schedule and I’ll immediately ask why and doubt his ability). She works for an orthopedic group and is trying to get me to bring Nelson to them. I just don’t feel good about that. It’s not that I don’t trust her or her docs---but think about how it would be if something went wrong. I don’t want to leave a foothold for resentment. Does that make any sense?
I need to go to bed, but my mind is racing. I think I’m going to go get a glass of milk and play a couple scrabble boards and drift off into sleep. Tomorrow could be a very long day.
Hope your dreams are sweet and your plans clear!
-I will go to work to fix a problem that I found right at quitting time on Friday that has to be done first thing so that it can be shipped out (this involves unpacking 2 skids of packed parts that didn’t get a sticker on them designed for all shipments going to Mexico…a horrible oversight by the people running the line, but thankfully caught before they shipped). I will also line out the work for the day and make sure that it is done correctly.
-Nelson will have a session with PT in the morning to teach him how to walk. In his three sessions with PT he has stood up twice taken a couple of sideways scooch steps and then today moved over to sit in the chair. So in a session they are going to teach him how walk, get up a couple steps, and get in and out of a car.
-I will call the doctor’s office in Akron to see when I get a doctor’s appointment. I am hoping that I can get one where I go straight from the hospital to the clinic. If I can’t get him in until Tuesday, I will then bring him home.
-While I’m either at work or in the process of transporting Nelson, Dave, Steve, and Mook will deliver the hospital bed to my house.
-Nelson will hopefully be seen by the surgeon and some type of work will be done on his leg and ankle.
My head hurts with all the maybes and hopefullies. I want to stomp my foot and tell someone to just give me a straight answer and not all these uncertainties. Why is that so much to ask for?
I had to call Ed to tell him about my situation. I called his cell, but obviously he and his wife had exchanged phones. He is on his way to his dad’s in West Virginia because his dad is dying. So I had to call Buddy. I feel badly because I’m having to miss work, but more so because I can’t tell them how much I’m going to have to miss because I can’t get anyone to give an answer on that.
So now I’ve vented a little to the daughter and she’s ready to rush over, but I told her that I need her here when Nelson gets home. I think it will be way too difficult to move him about and keep Penelope corralled. She wasn’t really happy with my way of thinking, but I think I was forceful enough to keep her from jumping in the car right that minute.
I ranted a little to Rhonda, who immediately wanted to fix everything. It can’t be fixed. I am at the mercy of a doc who hasn’t even seen the x-rays and his very busy schedule (show me a doc who doesn’t have a busy schedule and I’ll immediately ask why and doubt his ability). She works for an orthopedic group and is trying to get me to bring Nelson to them. I just don’t feel good about that. It’s not that I don’t trust her or her docs---but think about how it would be if something went wrong. I don’t want to leave a foothold for resentment. Does that make any sense?
I need to go to bed, but my mind is racing. I think I’m going to go get a glass of milk and play a couple scrabble boards and drift off into sleep. Tomorrow could be a very long day.
Hope your dreams are sweet and your plans clear!
Ankle Update
Told you I’d be back with an update…It’s not much, but here we go with what I know…
I was supposed to get tires before I went to the hospital. I went to the tire place, but they already had a line and the guy told me that it would be AT LEAST an hour and a half. Too long. I decided to chance another trip on the iffy tire.
I got to the hospital a little after 9am. Nelson was in pain and grumpy from not sleeping. The respiratory tech said that she couldn’t authorize giving him a machine set to his high of a setting without a doctor’s verification. I started asking about them providing a C-Pap before we went to Nelson’s room. They assured me the hospital would provide. Grrr. If they would have told me early enough I would have run home and got it—it didn’t matter that it would be a 2hr round trip. Needless to say he didn’t sleep well and it was like someone sucked all his humor out of him.
PT arrived at about 9:45am. The problem with this was Nelson’s pain meds had worn off and he was counting minutes until his next dose. The poor gal from PT was the recipient of some unanticipated ire from Nelson. He hadn’t slept, he was hurting pretty bad, and he couldn’t imagine how he was going to stand up and walk. It took three of us and all Nelson’s strength to get to him scooted to the edge of the bed and then get him upright. I was starting to get really nervous. How in the world was I going to be able to do that?
Our friends, Steve and Rhonda, showed up a little after noon. We visited for a while and then they took me to lunch in the cafeteria. We talked so long that we missed Nelson’s second go around with the PT lady. This one went a little better since he had some pain meds about 15min before the torture session.
We got a call from Dave (Nelson’s boss). Linda, his wife, had gotten a hospital bed when her dad lived with them before he died. So they’re going to bring it down on Monday evening. It’ll be quite a blessing to have that.
I finally came home after Nelson ate his dinner. It was very cold in the room. I was wrapped up in one of the hospital blankets. Tomorrow I’m going to dress a little warmer. Even saying that sounds crazy since it was near 100 degrees here yesterday. We had a storm in the evening and thankfully it cooled things down quite nicely!
I think I’ve mentioned with sufficient repetition that Nelson is quite the special guy. He’s not a constant romantic, but he makes a darn good effort and I appreciate all he does. From the beginning of marriage we have celebrated three anniversaries a year: the anniversary of our first date (Oct 8), the anniversary of our engagement (July 15) and our wedding anniversary (Feb 17). He never forgets these dates and always does something very sweet to commemorate them.
For about the last few weeks he’s had this sheepish grin on and kept telling me that he couldn’t wait till the July anniversary, that I was just going to love my gift. Over and over I heard this. Thursday right after dinner, we were sitting in the living room talking with our friend Mook (guy who used to work with me who got fired and now works with Nelson building the house—I feed him dinner every night…or did). All of a sudden, Nelson blurts out that he just can’t keep it a secret anymore and he hands me an envelope. I open it up and there are two tickets to the Brickyard 400 in Indianapolis (a NASCAR race) for August 6. I’m so excited!!!! I hope he’s better enough by then to go. More importantly: I hope my PO will let me go.
About church…Nelson and I had decided on Thursday that we were going to “check out” the church near us that we’ve been watching on TV together. We live in Ashland, Ohio. This just happens to be headquarters for a couple different brands of Brethren Churches. The church we were going to go to is a Brethren Church. Several people associated with the Transformation Network attend there as do several people from work, so I was thinking it would be a good place to start our search. It offers traditional, contemporary, and way contemporary services. The pastor has some thought provoking messages. Several of my seminary (and two of my most favorite) profs attend there. And it’s only a couple blocks from home—I like the idea of being able to walk to church. But….with everything that went down on Friday I didn’t get a chance to call the pastor or my PO so I will try for next Sunday and just worship from my living room before I head to the hospital.
Have a super Sunday!!!
I was supposed to get tires before I went to the hospital. I went to the tire place, but they already had a line and the guy told me that it would be AT LEAST an hour and a half. Too long. I decided to chance another trip on the iffy tire.
I got to the hospital a little after 9am. Nelson was in pain and grumpy from not sleeping. The respiratory tech said that she couldn’t authorize giving him a machine set to his high of a setting without a doctor’s verification. I started asking about them providing a C-Pap before we went to Nelson’s room. They assured me the hospital would provide. Grrr. If they would have told me early enough I would have run home and got it—it didn’t matter that it would be a 2hr round trip. Needless to say he didn’t sleep well and it was like someone sucked all his humor out of him.
PT arrived at about 9:45am. The problem with this was Nelson’s pain meds had worn off and he was counting minutes until his next dose. The poor gal from PT was the recipient of some unanticipated ire from Nelson. He hadn’t slept, he was hurting pretty bad, and he couldn’t imagine how he was going to stand up and walk. It took three of us and all Nelson’s strength to get to him scooted to the edge of the bed and then get him upright. I was starting to get really nervous. How in the world was I going to be able to do that?
Our friends, Steve and Rhonda, showed up a little after noon. We visited for a while and then they took me to lunch in the cafeteria. We talked so long that we missed Nelson’s second go around with the PT lady. This one went a little better since he had some pain meds about 15min before the torture session.
We got a call from Dave (Nelson’s boss). Linda, his wife, had gotten a hospital bed when her dad lived with them before he died. So they’re going to bring it down on Monday evening. It’ll be quite a blessing to have that.
I finally came home after Nelson ate his dinner. It was very cold in the room. I was wrapped up in one of the hospital blankets. Tomorrow I’m going to dress a little warmer. Even saying that sounds crazy since it was near 100 degrees here yesterday. We had a storm in the evening and thankfully it cooled things down quite nicely!
I think I’ve mentioned with sufficient repetition that Nelson is quite the special guy. He’s not a constant romantic, but he makes a darn good effort and I appreciate all he does. From the beginning of marriage we have celebrated three anniversaries a year: the anniversary of our first date (Oct 8), the anniversary of our engagement (July 15) and our wedding anniversary (Feb 17). He never forgets these dates and always does something very sweet to commemorate them.
For about the last few weeks he’s had this sheepish grin on and kept telling me that he couldn’t wait till the July anniversary, that I was just going to love my gift. Over and over I heard this. Thursday right after dinner, we were sitting in the living room talking with our friend Mook (guy who used to work with me who got fired and now works with Nelson building the house—I feed him dinner every night…or did). All of a sudden, Nelson blurts out that he just can’t keep it a secret anymore and he hands me an envelope. I open it up and there are two tickets to the Brickyard 400 in Indianapolis (a NASCAR race) for August 6. I’m so excited!!!! I hope he’s better enough by then to go. More importantly: I hope my PO will let me go.
About church…Nelson and I had decided on Thursday that we were going to “check out” the church near us that we’ve been watching on TV together. We live in Ashland, Ohio. This just happens to be headquarters for a couple different brands of Brethren Churches. The church we were going to go to is a Brethren Church. Several people associated with the Transformation Network attend there as do several people from work, so I was thinking it would be a good place to start our search. It offers traditional, contemporary, and way contemporary services. The pastor has some thought provoking messages. Several of my seminary (and two of my most favorite) profs attend there. And it’s only a couple blocks from home—I like the idea of being able to walk to church. But….with everything that went down on Friday I didn’t get a chance to call the pastor or my PO so I will try for next Sunday and just worship from my living room before I head to the hospital.
Have a super Sunday!!!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Bad Break
Just got home a little bit ago…from the hospital. This afternoon Nelson fell off a ladder at work. They were putting up the roof trusses. They were on the next to the last one. He was only 4’ up the ladder. He came down on his left ankle, pile driving it into the ground and spinning, shattering the ankle and breaking the tibia (back leg bone) right below the knee. He couldn’t move. They took him to the ER in the squad. The ER Dr. decided to admit Nelson. Nelson is severely obese (5’9” and nearly 350#), so there’s no way he’d be mobile.
When we finally got to Nelson’s room, we finally saw the orthopedic specialist. He said that there was no way he wanted to touch Nelson’s ankle. It was that bad. He recommended a foot and ankle specialist within his group—the doc he’d want to cut on him. So Nelson is going to meet with PT in the morning to see if he can get mobile. If he can then he’ll come home and we’ll see the specialist on Monday.
The probably course of treatment will be to do some kind of stretcher thing on Nelson’s leg and ankle while they wait for the swelling to come down (about a week) and then do surgery to repair the damage the following week. Surgery will include pins and plates.
Here’s the thing… I don’t see Nelson being mobile. There is no way for him to put any weight on that ankle. So will they keep him until that doc can see him? Questions I have no answers for.
When he does finally get home, what am I going to do with him? Our bedroom is upstairs. I’m trying to figure out how to get a bed for him to sleep in. We’ll bring down the AC from our room and hang blankets on the door to the back of the house and the one going upstairs and he can just live in the living room…if I can find a bed. Beth suggested that we call a rental place. We’ll see.
Saturday morning…At midnight last night, I was finally getting tired. I was falling asleep while trying to type this so I went to bed. I didn’t sleep well—I never do when Nelson isn’t there. I woke up at my weekday-work time of 5am. And here I am trying to finish this.
When I drove home from the hospital last night, I shut the radio off and just followed my thoughts. I like to do that…I may have lots of time to do that if Nelson has to spend much time in the hospital. Right now, he’s an hour away. He’ll be farther when he has the surgery.
But back to the thoughts…It was one of those weirdly ironic things that this should happen yesterday. Buddy came back to work yesterday. I was very happy to see him. I had so many work related questions. I also had lots of wonderments as to how he was. My heart ached though to see how deflated he was. We got a few minutes to talk. He’s lost 18 pounds, he’s not sleeping, he didn’t want to be at work, but he didn’t want to stay home. The kids are doing better than he is in his opinion.
I tried to imagine what it would be like without Nelson. Nelson has been in chronic, recurringly severe, pain since August 1983 when he first injured his back. That injury just seemed to open the door to everything else getting worse. I will confess that there have been times when I told God it would be ok to take him home. I didn’t say those things with a mean spirit, but with a broken heart. It just hurts so much to see him hurt so bad.
And now this. This wound feels like a blow to me. Is that selfish? So be it. It’s where I am and how I’m feeling right now. And here’s why: Nelson doesn’t heal well—if at all. In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing Walter Brennon walking with that side hitch of his. I don’t know if he hurt, but I know Nelson will. When I think about this injury I just see another source of constant pain for my husband. And here’s another admission: I want to know why?
Well, I need to get a shower and get some things done before going to the hospital. I have to go buy a new tire for the car so that I don’t have a blowout on my way to the hospital. I wasn’t too worried driving around town until today because I knew I was going to get it replaced. But I was sure praying I’d make it home last night. I did.
If you think about it, I could use a prayer for wisdom and patience—I don’t do well with the slow “we’ll-get-around-to-it” pace that hospitals and doctors have. Steve and Rhonda are going to come help me either move Nelson home or move him to the other hospital. Thank God for friends…especially good friends with vans!
I’ll be back later to bring you an update..
When we finally got to Nelson’s room, we finally saw the orthopedic specialist. He said that there was no way he wanted to touch Nelson’s ankle. It was that bad. He recommended a foot and ankle specialist within his group—the doc he’d want to cut on him. So Nelson is going to meet with PT in the morning to see if he can get mobile. If he can then he’ll come home and we’ll see the specialist on Monday.
The probably course of treatment will be to do some kind of stretcher thing on Nelson’s leg and ankle while they wait for the swelling to come down (about a week) and then do surgery to repair the damage the following week. Surgery will include pins and plates.
Here’s the thing… I don’t see Nelson being mobile. There is no way for him to put any weight on that ankle. So will they keep him until that doc can see him? Questions I have no answers for.
When he does finally get home, what am I going to do with him? Our bedroom is upstairs. I’m trying to figure out how to get a bed for him to sleep in. We’ll bring down the AC from our room and hang blankets on the door to the back of the house and the one going upstairs and he can just live in the living room…if I can find a bed. Beth suggested that we call a rental place. We’ll see.
Saturday morning…At midnight last night, I was finally getting tired. I was falling asleep while trying to type this so I went to bed. I didn’t sleep well—I never do when Nelson isn’t there. I woke up at my weekday-work time of 5am. And here I am trying to finish this.
When I drove home from the hospital last night, I shut the radio off and just followed my thoughts. I like to do that…I may have lots of time to do that if Nelson has to spend much time in the hospital. Right now, he’s an hour away. He’ll be farther when he has the surgery.
But back to the thoughts…It was one of those weirdly ironic things that this should happen yesterday. Buddy came back to work yesterday. I was very happy to see him. I had so many work related questions. I also had lots of wonderments as to how he was. My heart ached though to see how deflated he was. We got a few minutes to talk. He’s lost 18 pounds, he’s not sleeping, he didn’t want to be at work, but he didn’t want to stay home. The kids are doing better than he is in his opinion.
I tried to imagine what it would be like without Nelson. Nelson has been in chronic, recurringly severe, pain since August 1983 when he first injured his back. That injury just seemed to open the door to everything else getting worse. I will confess that there have been times when I told God it would be ok to take him home. I didn’t say those things with a mean spirit, but with a broken heart. It just hurts so much to see him hurt so bad.
And now this. This wound feels like a blow to me. Is that selfish? So be it. It’s where I am and how I’m feeling right now. And here’s why: Nelson doesn’t heal well—if at all. In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing Walter Brennon walking with that side hitch of his. I don’t know if he hurt, but I know Nelson will. When I think about this injury I just see another source of constant pain for my husband. And here’s another admission: I want to know why?
Well, I need to get a shower and get some things done before going to the hospital. I have to go buy a new tire for the car so that I don’t have a blowout on my way to the hospital. I wasn’t too worried driving around town until today because I knew I was going to get it replaced. But I was sure praying I’d make it home last night. I did.
If you think about it, I could use a prayer for wisdom and patience—I don’t do well with the slow “we’ll-get-around-to-it” pace that hospitals and doctors have. Steve and Rhonda are going to come help me either move Nelson home or move him to the other hospital. Thank God for friends…especially good friends with vans!
I’ll be back later to bring you an update..
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Time Flies
My how time flies. Yesterday I had my 90 day review at work. I mean I knew it was coming—I’ve been watching to see how soon I get insurance. Evaluations have also been hard for me. I’m a perfectionist. To receive negative feedback was tantamount to failure to me. That is, in my former life…
Ed explained to me that the review is based on a lickert scale (0 to 5, 5 being the best you can get). He then went on to say that he never gives out 5’s and only rarely gives out a 4. Ok. I took a deep breath and told myself that a three was probably the best rating I would receive in any area. I was pleased that Ed expressed significant approval and appreciation and gave me several 3.5. When it was all averaged out, I was at about a 3.27. Not bad, not bad at all. I actually left Ed’s office feeling good about my performance and really good about how appreciated my work is.
Before the day was done I was back in Ed’s office. I had a materials dilemma and I needed to do some creative resourcing. I was out of bags and the only way to get some for Tuesday’s work was to drive to B-town to get some.
Today was just stressful. The company I order my packaging materials from just isn’t able to keep up with my needs. I did some calling and questioning and it appears that the person I deal with had been ordering based on last years figures. It seems that no one bothered to really update her on all our increases in production and packaging. Hopefully this is going to be fixed. But in the meantime I’m going to have to drive to the warehouse tomorrow (about 90minutes away) to get more bags. I’ll still be backordered but at least I’ll have bags to start the day with on Thursday.
On less stressful notes…I finished a very interesting book: Philip Yancey’s “The Bible Jesus Read.” My focus in seminary was always on the New Testament. Yancey gives some interesting viewpoints on the importance and impact of the Old Testament. Bottom line: it made me want to read more.
Food section: I have found a new yummy breakfast. I have always loved bagels and cream cheese. Yesterday at Aldi’s I found whipped cream cheese that is honey and nut (pecan) flavored. And I rediscovered a wonderful salad dressing: Marzetti’s Sweet Italian. It’s so good I ate a salad as a snack! I’m also quite pleased at another food purchase I made last night. Nelson wanted watermelon. I stood at the bins of watermelons and asked out loud, “How do you know if it’s a good one?” Fortunately, my daughter was with me to answer so that I didn’t look totally daft. We finally just grabbed one. Oh my! It was so sweet and juicy. I nibbled at little pieces while I was cutting it up and then had a few chunks for dessert. I love watermelon…but it does not love me. I spent a little time in the reading room (aka the bathroom) paying for that indulgence!
And some really good news! Last week I saw my PO. I updated her on the situation with T-Net church dissolving. She was surprised. Then she told me that I should pick a church and go. She felt that she knew me well enough to support my going to church. I was sooooo excited! So was Nelson. But we were so busy all week we didn’t sit down and discuss where we wanted to go so we ended up just watching TV church again on Sunday. We’ve talked a little more about it this week—we just don’t know what we want to do.
I guess that’s not exactly true. There are certain denominations where we wouldn’t feel comfortable theologically. We know we want to find a medium size church. Nelson just wants to be fed for a while and not feel pressured to lead. We are both in agreement about our desire for strong preaching and teaching ministries, followed by anointed worship (aka good music). Oh, and we want it here in town. We believe that we’ll be more likely to participate if we’re not having to travel to far (especially given gas prices and winter weather). And that way the people that we hope to befriend will also be close for fellowshipping purposes.
I’m thinking the first thing to do is make a list of potential churches and just start visiting. It’s not a process I relish, but it’s also a process that holds some possible excitement as we truly begin to sense God leading us again.
So, time is flying by…and that’s okay. Or at least I’m okay with it. Now if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go finish another book…a friend in Canada sent it and it’s really quite good! I’ll review it more when I’m done.
Ed explained to me that the review is based on a lickert scale (0 to 5, 5 being the best you can get). He then went on to say that he never gives out 5’s and only rarely gives out a 4. Ok. I took a deep breath and told myself that a three was probably the best rating I would receive in any area. I was pleased that Ed expressed significant approval and appreciation and gave me several 3.5. When it was all averaged out, I was at about a 3.27. Not bad, not bad at all. I actually left Ed’s office feeling good about my performance and really good about how appreciated my work is.
Before the day was done I was back in Ed’s office. I had a materials dilemma and I needed to do some creative resourcing. I was out of bags and the only way to get some for Tuesday’s work was to drive to B-town to get some.
Today was just stressful. The company I order my packaging materials from just isn’t able to keep up with my needs. I did some calling and questioning and it appears that the person I deal with had been ordering based on last years figures. It seems that no one bothered to really update her on all our increases in production and packaging. Hopefully this is going to be fixed. But in the meantime I’m going to have to drive to the warehouse tomorrow (about 90minutes away) to get more bags. I’ll still be backordered but at least I’ll have bags to start the day with on Thursday.
On less stressful notes…I finished a very interesting book: Philip Yancey’s “The Bible Jesus Read.” My focus in seminary was always on the New Testament. Yancey gives some interesting viewpoints on the importance and impact of the Old Testament. Bottom line: it made me want to read more.
Food section: I have found a new yummy breakfast. I have always loved bagels and cream cheese. Yesterday at Aldi’s I found whipped cream cheese that is honey and nut (pecan) flavored. And I rediscovered a wonderful salad dressing: Marzetti’s Sweet Italian. It’s so good I ate a salad as a snack! I’m also quite pleased at another food purchase I made last night. Nelson wanted watermelon. I stood at the bins of watermelons and asked out loud, “How do you know if it’s a good one?” Fortunately, my daughter was with me to answer so that I didn’t look totally daft. We finally just grabbed one. Oh my! It was so sweet and juicy. I nibbled at little pieces while I was cutting it up and then had a few chunks for dessert. I love watermelon…but it does not love me. I spent a little time in the reading room (aka the bathroom) paying for that indulgence!
And some really good news! Last week I saw my PO. I updated her on the situation with T-Net church dissolving. She was surprised. Then she told me that I should pick a church and go. She felt that she knew me well enough to support my going to church. I was sooooo excited! So was Nelson. But we were so busy all week we didn’t sit down and discuss where we wanted to go so we ended up just watching TV church again on Sunday. We’ve talked a little more about it this week—we just don’t know what we want to do.
I guess that’s not exactly true. There are certain denominations where we wouldn’t feel comfortable theologically. We know we want to find a medium size church. Nelson just wants to be fed for a while and not feel pressured to lead. We are both in agreement about our desire for strong preaching and teaching ministries, followed by anointed worship (aka good music). Oh, and we want it here in town. We believe that we’ll be more likely to participate if we’re not having to travel to far (especially given gas prices and winter weather). And that way the people that we hope to befriend will also be close for fellowshipping purposes.
I’m thinking the first thing to do is make a list of potential churches and just start visiting. It’s not a process I relish, but it’s also a process that holds some possible excitement as we truly begin to sense God leading us again.
So, time is flying by…and that’s okay. Or at least I’m okay with it. Now if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go finish another book…a friend in Canada sent it and it’s really quite good! I’ll review it more when I’m done.
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Quite a Day
I wish I had a pedometer. I walked so much today, it would be interesting to see how far I went. I spent quite a bit of time this afternoon walking between my office, the shipping dock, the front office and the work area. I was doing the “legwork” to solve a couple mysteries. I had questions and no one in house had answers. But tenacity and openness paid off and I got all my answers!
I want to report that I have been practicing and working on the forklift. I’m still having trouble judging, but I’m getting better. Yesterday I confronted one of my fears and pulled a top stack pallet. It seemed so high up there. I sat and looked at the stack and prayed. It felt so good to accomplish that. With that feeling under my belt I decided to try something else that I had been afraid to do. I decided to try and put a basket in the stand. Sounds really easy, but it’s a struggle for even experienced forklift drivers at work. I needed a lot of spotting, but I did it! Yay!
There was a kind of dark cloud at work today. Remember the other day when I went to the shipping guy, B, who was filling in for the production manager, Ed? B is a hoot. He’s always playing tricks. He has a wonderful sense of humor and is pure orneriness. B's wife (a beautiful woman according to the picture on B’s desk and well-liked by everyone who knew her at the plant) has been battling with breast cancer for the past 7 years. Last night she finally lost the fight. My heart just aches for B. I never met his wife but I saw his eyes light up when he talked about her. The whole day I just wanted to drive out to Nelson’s work site and give him a great big hug and kiss. Instead I fixed his favorite dinner and baked chocolate chunk brownies. Sometimes it’s better to show it than just to say it.
It reminds me of a time in the last church I pastored. There was a man who had lost two wives to cancer. When he married the third woman she agreed to have a physical prior to getting married. They were quite cute together. They were married a couple months when it was discovered that she too had cancer. For a while she was in remission. They were older, in their 70’s. Their love was so obvious. They would winter in Florida and come back to our Ohio town for the summer. Her last spring the cancer came back with a vengence. They came home for a visit.
At the end of the service, people were filing out, shaking my hand and tell me how they liked the sermon. The man walked up and asked for prayer for his wife. What would you have done? There were still many people in the sanctuary, milling and talking. I gathered them together. We huddled around the couple and we prayed. I remember in that prayer praying, begging God for a miracle…even if that miracle was helping us to accept the death of this woman. I prayed that we would understand healing, and how it’s not always what we want or expect. I prayed that no matter what happened that no one, not one person, would question God, his power or his love. It was one of those times where I got lost in the praying—where I really believe the Spirit was doing the job of directing the prayer.
After she died the man sold his house and moved away. He came back to visit and he talked to me about how powerful that time, that prayer had been to both of them. I’m glad. I’m glad there was a nudge in my back and thump on my heart that prompted me to move beyond the conventional hand shake and lame promise to pray. When someone asks for prayer I pray right then. What do you do?
Would you do me a favor? Will you, right now, right there at your computer, invite the God of all comfort and consolation to envelope Buddy and his kids, and his family? They’re confused and hurting right now. Will you pray that God will keep their hearts tender and that they will find Him to be a God who will be with them in their pain, and who can not only handle, but answer all their questions?
Thanks
I want to report that I have been practicing and working on the forklift. I’m still having trouble judging, but I’m getting better. Yesterday I confronted one of my fears and pulled a top stack pallet. It seemed so high up there. I sat and looked at the stack and prayed. It felt so good to accomplish that. With that feeling under my belt I decided to try something else that I had been afraid to do. I decided to try and put a basket in the stand. Sounds really easy, but it’s a struggle for even experienced forklift drivers at work. I needed a lot of spotting, but I did it! Yay!
There was a kind of dark cloud at work today. Remember the other day when I went to the shipping guy, B, who was filling in for the production manager, Ed? B is a hoot. He’s always playing tricks. He has a wonderful sense of humor and is pure orneriness. B's wife (a beautiful woman according to the picture on B’s desk and well-liked by everyone who knew her at the plant) has been battling with breast cancer for the past 7 years. Last night she finally lost the fight. My heart just aches for B. I never met his wife but I saw his eyes light up when he talked about her. The whole day I just wanted to drive out to Nelson’s work site and give him a great big hug and kiss. Instead I fixed his favorite dinner and baked chocolate chunk brownies. Sometimes it’s better to show it than just to say it.
It reminds me of a time in the last church I pastored. There was a man who had lost two wives to cancer. When he married the third woman she agreed to have a physical prior to getting married. They were quite cute together. They were married a couple months when it was discovered that she too had cancer. For a while she was in remission. They were older, in their 70’s. Their love was so obvious. They would winter in Florida and come back to our Ohio town for the summer. Her last spring the cancer came back with a vengence. They came home for a visit.
At the end of the service, people were filing out, shaking my hand and tell me how they liked the sermon. The man walked up and asked for prayer for his wife. What would you have done? There were still many people in the sanctuary, milling and talking. I gathered them together. We huddled around the couple and we prayed. I remember in that prayer praying, begging God for a miracle…even if that miracle was helping us to accept the death of this woman. I prayed that we would understand healing, and how it’s not always what we want or expect. I prayed that no matter what happened that no one, not one person, would question God, his power or his love. It was one of those times where I got lost in the praying—where I really believe the Spirit was doing the job of directing the prayer.
After she died the man sold his house and moved away. He came back to visit and he talked to me about how powerful that time, that prayer had been to both of them. I’m glad. I’m glad there was a nudge in my back and thump on my heart that prompted me to move beyond the conventional hand shake and lame promise to pray. When someone asks for prayer I pray right then. What do you do?
Would you do me a favor? Will you, right now, right there at your computer, invite the God of all comfort and consolation to envelope Buddy and his kids, and his family? They’re confused and hurting right now. Will you pray that God will keep their hearts tender and that they will find Him to be a God who will be with them in their pain, and who can not only handle, but answer all their questions?
Thanks
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