(This is the second day of our Sunday School bus trip. Nelson was able to go along and that's been such a blessing. The first day we drove to Gettysburg. It was rainy and gray all the way and when we arrived at the battlefield, the sun poked through. It was a very moving experience for me.)
Hershey Kisses, that is!
It’s the wee hours of Saturday morning. I woke up early to Mother Nature’s alarm clock: Get to the potty, NOW! Perhaps you’ve had those kinds of wake up calls.
Yesterday was such a beautiful day. We ate breakfast at the hotel. It was a relaxed time. The storms from the day before had moved on, leaving us with a crisp and clear fall morning. It was fun to drive through the Pennsylvanian hills to Lancaster.
We spent the morning in an area called the Kettle Kitchen village (http://www.kitchenkettle.com/home.html). Nelson was such a trouper! He followed me into all the shops and even acted interested as I oohed and ahhed all the sights and smells. While everyone else ate at the Amish cooking type restaurants, we snuck across the way to Subway and indulged in a yummy salad.
(Interjected side note: On Monday of this past week I started the weight management class at Curves and Nelson and I are following their plan for 6 weeks. It’s not a “diet” per say, but a method that really teaches you to read the labels and eat well according to the Glycemic Index. I’ve lost several pounds and feel really good. Reading the labels has been very enlightening. Our proportions were way out of control again. And I’ve been rudely awakened to the enormous quantity of carbs I’ve been packing away!! Not good at all! I’ll keep you posted on our progress. It’s not been easy on this trip, but we’re helping each other stick to it.)
Last evening we had a wonderful experience. We attended the production/presentation of “Ruth” at the Sight and Sound Millennium Theater (http://www.sight-sound.com/WebSiteSS/getlanguages.do). It was a wonderful play, magnificently prepared and presented. I just kept walking around saying, “Wow!” I would love to go back and see some of their other productions. Wow!
Today it’s on to Hershey. More time to visit little shops and take a tour. Then on our way back home we’ll stop at the Flight 93 Memorial. I’ll let you know how it all goes later. It probably won’t be tomorrow, because it will be a day spent on the road also. Nelson and I have to drive to Toledo, to his folks. That’s over a two hour trip. We’ll have Asher with us. I’m leaving him there and driving home after Asher gets to visit his great-grandparents. Then on Monday, Nelson and his dad are venturing up into Michigan to pick up my “new” car. He bought me a Mercury Mountaineer off Ebay. This is the 6th car he’s gotten for us that way. He wanted me to have something safe and road worthy driving in the snow belt this winter with my new job. I’m excited to get it. She’s not a new beast, a 1997 with a little rust, but she also has quite a few bells and whistles.
A final thought for today: As we drove through Gettysburg on our tour, we were directed to the Lutheran seminary and informed of its role during the battle. A seminary on a battlefield. It conjures up all kinds of images for me and raises several theological questions. I would love to sit in some of the classes and experience how the battle impacts their study and preparation. I would think it would have to…at least I would hope.
May there be lots of chocolate kisses in your day!
Saturday, September 30, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
A Job
I met with the representatives of the T-Net board yesterday after work. The interview went well. It wasn’t your typical job interview. But then, this isn’t your typical job. It’s truly a ministry position. I mean, when was the last time someone asked what your spouse thought about the position? That is a standard question asked by church boards interviewing prospective pastors—at least it was in my experience.
-When asked what I brought to this position, I shared that I felt I brought a depth of empathy not often found by wounded people seeking help. I can really come alongside folk and understand the negativity, and neverending judgment. My experience also enables me to be better equipped to confront the game-playing and poor me attitude.
-When asked what I would change about what T-Net is doing, I said that I thought they needed to do more to help folks find housing and create more opportunities for work placement—so I really wouldn’t “change” anything, I would work to expand what they’re already doing. Something that I thought about but never articulated was that I think they need to do more to secure grant money for funding—an area that I’m excited about helping with.
-When asked when it was that I felt restored, I shared that I’m not sure I fully feel restored. I talked a bit about how I experienced substantial healing through the process I went through with the Mennonite church I had been pasturing. Release came again this spring when I was released from my ordination with the Church of the Nazarene, enabling me to become more fully involved in the Brethren Church we’re attending. But even with all that, I don’t want to loose touch with my brokenness.
-When asked what/who my ideal supervisor is/was, I explained that is one of the saddest things about considering this position for me. By far the best supervisor I have ever had is the one I have right now. Ed is genuine, supportive, encouraging, positive, and is all those things with everyone. I told the board about how when I fist was asked to consider this position I went to talk with Ed about it. He spent quite a bit of time helping me sort through things and then when we were done he prayed with and for me.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
Words Hurt
Words Hurt
I think that’s why I’m a rehearser.
I grew up in a home where words were spewed out of anger or disgust. Things were said without any thought given to the repercussions (I just spent way too long trying to figure out how to spell that word).
I’m almost sure that’s one of the major reasons I rehearse what I’m going to say. On the one hand, I am able to hear what I’m thinking before I say it and therefore I weed out most hurtful comments. And then, by rehearsing, I can say all the hurtful things, purging them from my system, before I say what is way more diplomatic.
Yesterday, I should have done more rehearsing.
Nelson went to men’s prayer breakfast. He was quite excited. That made me excited. He just doesn’t get with people very often.
Afterwards he planned to go grocery shopping in M-town (15mi to our south) at Kroger and Meijer—he scours their ads to find great deals. He said he would be home around lunch.
At about noon, I called his cell to see where he was at. He was at our local grocer, getting ready to head home. I knew that he’d be home in about 5minutes so I moved to the front door to be ready to bring groceries in. The baby was just waking up and needed that little bit of extra cuddle time, so Beth was going to keep both Asher and Shera out of the line of traffic. I thought it was a pretty good plan. I was wrong.
As we got to the end of the groceries, there was a flat of cans of fruit, some bags, and a odd-shaped flat of Snapple. Nelson grabbed something and I grabbed the Snapple and the end of the bags. My plan was to come back for the fruit and shut the hatch. I knew my next step was to put everything away.
No sooner had we taken but a couple steps away from the car when Nelson sourly (imagine the most judgmental Rabbit/Eeyore voice) stated that he couldn’t understand why I did it that way. It would have made more sense to give him some of the bags and then stack the fruit and Snapple. I could then stay in the kitchen and start putting away while he went for the last trip and closed the hatch. As he walked in the front door he punctuated his disgust with a comment about how he thought Beth could have been more helpful.
Just beat me with a stick. I was so aggravated. I got the final load and then just stayed in the kitchen putting everything away. When I finally came out, Nelson asked why I looked so upset. I had been fuming through some things I wanted to say to him, but I hadn’t rehearsed them enough. Typically, I would have “lied” and said I wasn’t upset, but this time I said what I was thinking and feeling. I told him I was hurt by his words. I told him I didn’t understand why he snapped on Beth and I. He got loudly angry and protested that he didn’t snap. So, I gave him that, but went on to say that what he did do was put us down because we didn’t do things the way he was thinking and therefore his comments made us feel stupid, worthless, and unappreciated. He got louder. I finished with the groceries and went to my room.
About five minutes after being there Beth came and told me I didn’t have to “hide” in my room because Nelson had walked out and drove away. He hasn’t done that for a lot of years. He stayed gone until nearly 5pm. I tried to call him, but he turned his cell off. When he got home he came in the back door and went upstairs to take a nap.
He got up from his nap around 7ish and went into Beth’s room to get on her computer. I walked up there and asked if we were going to talk. He said no. He didn’t think talking would be good. From now on he was only going to answer questions. He would keep his opinion to himself and initiate no more conversations. I walked away in tears.
Words hurt. So does the lack of them.
Friday, September 08, 2006
Multi-level Feelings
Wednesday night Beth worked until nearly midnight. When she got in she woke me up—I fall asleep in her bedroom where Asher’s bed is also. I was a little fuzzy, but she was quick to fill me in on her disappointment with work. She feels unappreciated, even though she goes in early every shift and prepares all her stuff and lots of stuff for others. She picks up a shift whenever asked. She’s trained to be a trainer and is being trained on the bar. But this week the lack of respect and appreciation got to her and she wanted me to help her write a resume. As best I could I tried to think through the info we would need—and then I went to bed.
I’m really ready for this weekend. I have nothing planned. A little reading. A little writing. And a whole lot of watching football! I’m ready, really ready for some football!
Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Looking at the Pieces
I’m sad.
I really enjoyed Steve Erwin. His passion was contagious, perhaps unorthodox, but a gift for sure.
I actually shed tears as Andre Agassi said good-bye to tennis. I played tennis in college. I wasn’t great, but I loved it. Growing up I hadn’t been encouraged to even consider sports. The summer after I graduated high school I picked up a racquet and determined I was going to learn to play. It was a struggle given my enormous depth perception problem (lousy eye muscles). But I made the team and even played a couple matches. All the players I cared about through the years are now done with tennis. It just made me feel so old.
I’m reading.
This was such a nice relaxing weekend. Nelson only watches sports on TV. Thankfully, I enjoy sports and enjoy watching them with him. When I wasn’t paying really close attention this weekend I was reading. I plucked a book off the bookshelf that I bought at a garage sale: “Not Counting Women and Children.” (by Megan McKenna) I’m liking it. It’s a challenging read, in that it challenges some of the stuff I’ve just taken for granted. I’ll try to write about some of it later.
One of the things that is coming out of the reading is a subtle reinforcement of my taking the job with Dan. Let’s see if I can make this make sense. When I was in college, January of my junior year, I went with a group to Washington DC. We were visiting different ministries and churches and seeing how others “did” ministry. We spent a large portion of the experience working in the very poorest areas. Something changed in me, but over the years I never connected what I was doing with the seeds planted there in DC. Much later I worked in an inner city church in Kansas City. It seemed a far cry from the farm country of Wisconsin where I had pastured before that. What could the two have in common? Um, me.
When we were in Wisconsin we were unpaid and therefore had to go on assistance. I learned how degrading and demeaning the system can be. It sensitized me to the needs and hurts of others as they came to our food pantry and clothes closet. And now here I am considering working again with the disenfranchised, the wounded, the guilty, the overlooked. I’m going to be walking with people most people don’t like—sometimes I don’t like them…don’t like me.
Megan McKenna speaks about pity in the first chapter of the book I’m reading. Jesus was distraught over the murder of his cousin John. He seeks some alone time to grieve, but the crowd is hurting too. They are confused and seek out Jesus. They follow him to the other side of the lake and when he sees them instead of sending them away so that he can fulfill his plan, he has pity on them and spends the day with them healing their bodies and their hearts. Passionate pity.
So I’m wondering about the way life has been unfolding for me. So much seems to have been preparing me for this next phase. Walking through the door seems so natural. It seems like the right next thing to do. No fanfare. Just a rightness. I have so much time until the meeting on the 13th. More time to learn and be ready I guess.
How weird it will be if the door slams shut before I get there. Then how will I make sense of all this. I guess I’ll think about that if the door shuts—but until then I’ll keep reading and seeing how the pieces seem to be fitting all together.
I really enjoyed Steve Erwin. His passion was contagious, perhaps unorthodox, but a gift for sure.
I actually shed tears as Andre Agassi said good-bye to tennis. I played tennis in college. I wasn’t great, but I loved it. Growing up I hadn’t been encouraged to even consider sports. The summer after I graduated high school I picked up a racquet and determined I was going to learn to play. It was a struggle given my enormous depth perception problem (lousy eye muscles). But I made the team and even played a couple matches. All the players I cared about through the years are now done with tennis. It just made me feel so old.
I’m reading.
This was such a nice relaxing weekend. Nelson only watches sports on TV. Thankfully, I enjoy sports and enjoy watching them with him. When I wasn’t paying really close attention this weekend I was reading. I plucked a book off the bookshelf that I bought at a garage sale: “Not Counting Women and Children.” (by Megan McKenna) I’m liking it. It’s a challenging read, in that it challenges some of the stuff I’ve just taken for granted. I’ll try to write about some of it later.
One of the things that is coming out of the reading is a subtle reinforcement of my taking the job with Dan. Let’s see if I can make this make sense. When I was in college, January of my junior year, I went with a group to Washington DC. We were visiting different ministries and churches and seeing how others “did” ministry. We spent a large portion of the experience working in the very poorest areas. Something changed in me, but over the years I never connected what I was doing with the seeds planted there in DC. Much later I worked in an inner city church in Kansas City. It seemed a far cry from the farm country of Wisconsin where I had pastured before that. What could the two have in common? Um, me.
When we were in Wisconsin we were unpaid and therefore had to go on assistance. I learned how degrading and demeaning the system can be. It sensitized me to the needs and hurts of others as they came to our food pantry and clothes closet. And now here I am considering working again with the disenfranchised, the wounded, the guilty, the overlooked. I’m going to be walking with people most people don’t like—sometimes I don’t like them…don’t like me.
Megan McKenna speaks about pity in the first chapter of the book I’m reading. Jesus was distraught over the murder of his cousin John. He seeks some alone time to grieve, but the crowd is hurting too. They are confused and seek out Jesus. They follow him to the other side of the lake and when he sees them instead of sending them away so that he can fulfill his plan, he has pity on them and spends the day with them healing their bodies and their hearts. Passionate pity.
So I’m wondering about the way life has been unfolding for me. So much seems to have been preparing me for this next phase. Walking through the door seems so natural. It seems like the right next thing to do. No fanfare. Just a rightness. I have so much time until the meeting on the 13th. More time to learn and be ready I guess.
How weird it will be if the door slams shut before I get there. Then how will I make sense of all this. I guess I’ll think about that if the door shuts—but until then I’ll keep reading and seeing how the pieces seem to be fitting all together.
Princess of Power
Our bedroom door doesn’t latch. Even before we got the P2, when we ran the AC we would prop something in front of the door to keep it shut. Now we pile things in front of the door to keep the kitten out.
Kitten. Little kitten.
Kitten nothing! She now has a new name. We now call her Shera. When my girls were little there was a cartoon called Shera, Princess of Power. When she was fighting evil bad guys, she would raise her sword to the sky and announce: I have the power! P2 has the power!
Last night I started by putting the laundry basket in front of the door. She pushed the door open. Next I put one of Nelson’s steel toe work boots in the basket. She pushed the door open. Then I put a box up against the door with the laundry basket and boot. She opened the door. So my next step was to put all of Nelson’s boots and shoes in the basket. I laid back in bed confident that she wouldn’t be able to open the door. I kept hearing her pounding against the door, clawing, and mewing. I didn’t hear her for a few minutes and I breathed a sigh of relief. Next thing I knew she pounced on my arm, claws out leaving a good scratch which seemed to punctuate her feelings: I’m in and I’m staying. I waved the white flag and tried to go to sleep.
In the morning I was helping Nelson get ready for therapy and get myself off to work on time. (I had already been to work out at Curves!) I told Nelson that I had a new name for the kitten. He approved. It fits. Tiny kitten, big power.
So now we have to decide whether to move a dresser in front of the door or just learn how to share our bed.
Kitten. Little kitten.
Kitten nothing! She now has a new name. We now call her Shera. When my girls were little there was a cartoon called Shera, Princess of Power. When she was fighting evil bad guys, she would raise her sword to the sky and announce: I have the power! P2 has the power!
Last night I started by putting the laundry basket in front of the door. She pushed the door open. Next I put one of Nelson’s steel toe work boots in the basket. She pushed the door open. Then I put a box up against the door with the laundry basket and boot. She opened the door. So my next step was to put all of Nelson’s boots and shoes in the basket. I laid back in bed confident that she wouldn’t be able to open the door. I kept hearing her pounding against the door, clawing, and mewing. I didn’t hear her for a few minutes and I breathed a sigh of relief. Next thing I knew she pounced on my arm, claws out leaving a good scratch which seemed to punctuate her feelings: I’m in and I’m staying. I waved the white flag and tried to go to sleep.
In the morning I was helping Nelson get ready for therapy and get myself off to work on time. (I had already been to work out at Curves!) I told Nelson that I had a new name for the kitten. He approved. It fits. Tiny kitten, big power.
So now we have to decide whether to move a dresser in front of the door or just learn how to share our bed.
Looking at the Pieces
I’m sad.
I really enjoyed Steve Erwin. His passion was contagious, perhaps unorthodox, but a gift for sure.
I actually shed tears as Andre Agassi said good-bye to tennis. I played tennis in college. I wasn’t great, but I loved it. Growing up I hadn’t been encouraged to even consider sports. The summer after I graduated high school I picked up a racquet and determined I was going to learn to play. It was a struggle given my enormous depth perception problem (lousy eye muscles). But I made the team and even played a couple matches. All the players I cared about through the years are now done with tennis. It just made me feel so old.
I’m reading.
This was such a nice relaxing weekend. Nelson only watches sports on TV. Thankfully, I enjoy sports and enjoy watching them with him. When I wasn’t paying really close attention this weekend I was reading. I plucked a book off the bookshelf that I bought at a garage sale: “Not Counting Women and Children.” (by Megan McKenna) I’m liking it. It’s a challenging read, in that it challenges some of the stuff I’ve just taken for granted. I’ll try to write about some of it later.
One of the things that is coming out of the reading is a subtle reinforcement of my taking the job with Dan. Let’s see if I can make this make sense.
When I was in college, January of my junior year, I went with a group to Washington DC. We were visiting different ministries and churches and seeing how others “did” ministry. We spent a large portion of the experience working in the very poorest areas. Something changed in me, but over the years I never connected what I was doing with the seeds planted there in DC.
Much later I worked in an inner city church in Kansas City. It seemed a far cry from the farm country of Wisconsin where I had pastured before that. What could the two have in common? Um, me. When we were in Wisconsin we were unpaid and therefore had to go on assistance. I learned how degrading and demeaning the system can be. It sensitized me to the needs and hurts of others as they came to our food pantry and clothes closet.
And now here I am considering working again with the disenfranchised, the wounded, the guilty, the overlooked. I’m going to be walking with people most people don’t like—sometimes I don’t like them…don’t like me.
Megan McKenna speaks about pity in the first chapter of the book I’m reading. Jesus was distraught over the murder of his cousin John. He seeks some alone time to grieve, but the crowd is hurting too. They are confused and seek out Jesus. They follow him to the other side of the lake and when he sees them instead of sending them away so that he can fulfill his plan, he has pity on them and spends the day with them healing their bodies and their hearts. Passionate pity.
So I’m wondering about the way life has been unfolding for me. So much seems to have been preparing me for this next phase. Walking through the door seems so natural. It seems like the right next thing to do. No fanfare. Just a rightness. I have so much time until the meeting on the 13th. More time to learn and be ready I guess. How weird it will be if the door slams shut before I get there. Then how will I make sense of all this. I guess I’ll think about that if the door shuts—but until then I’ll keep reading and seeing how the pieces seem to be fitting all together.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Pretty in Pink
September 13 at 4:15. That’s when I meet with the T-Net board. Nelson has been doing research on insurance and he’s feeling like he might be able to adjust his thinking. Today Dan was talking to me about a meeting he had in Erie county and how open and ready they are to get started with the program—he said he wished he could move things up for me. Made me sort of think he’s thinking I have the job…if I decide I want it.
I’m still working out 5 mornings every week. I feel good. And it’s paying, too! Nelson got me a Coldwater Creek gift card on ebay. I’ve looked at their catalogue, but never thought I would get anything from them. I found out they have an outlet on the internet. So, I got brave and ordered some clothes. I’m in love! I was nervous that they would be too small—they fit!!! One of the items I got was a cute cotton jacket that is rose colored (going well with a pair of pants I ordered) and has a ruffle around the collar and lapels. I got it in just a size large thinking I would just wait to wear it until I lose some more weight. I tried it on and it fit---and I could button it!!! Button a jacket. I’m just tickled pink on this—well rose, anyway!
Well, this is going to be tremendously short since I’m sitting here falling asleep. Maybe more tomorrow…zzzzzzzzzzz
I’m still working out 5 mornings every week. I feel good. And it’s paying, too! Nelson got me a Coldwater Creek gift card on ebay. I’ve looked at their catalogue, but never thought I would get anything from them. I found out they have an outlet on the internet. So, I got brave and ordered some clothes. I’m in love! I was nervous that they would be too small—they fit!!! One of the items I got was a cute cotton jacket that is rose colored (going well with a pair of pants I ordered) and has a ruffle around the collar and lapels. I got it in just a size large thinking I would just wait to wear it until I lose some more weight. I tried it on and it fit---and I could button it!!! Button a jacket. I’m just tickled pink on this—well rose, anyway!
Well, this is going to be tremendously short since I’m sitting here falling asleep. Maybe more tomorrow…zzzzzzzzzzz
Pretty in Pink
September 13 at 4:15. That’s when I meet with the T-Net board. Nelson has been doing research on insurance and he’s feeling like he might be able to adjust his thinking. Today Dan was talking to me about a meeting he had in Erie county and how open and ready they are to get started with the program—he said he wished he could move things up for me. Made me sort of think he’s thinking I have the job…if I decide I want it.
I’m still working out 5 mornings every week. I feel good. And it’s paying, too! Nelson got me a Coldwater Creek gift card on ebay. I’ve looked at their catalogue, but never thought I would get anything from them. I found out they have an outlet on the internet. So, I got brave and ordered some clothes. I’m in love! I was nervous that they would be too small—they fit!!! One of the items I got was a cute cotton jacket that is rose colored (going well with a pair of pants I ordered) and has a ruffle around the collar and lapels. I got it in just a size large thinking I would just wait to wear it until I lose some more weight. I tried it on and it fit---and I could button it!!! Button a jacket. I’m just tickled pink on this—well rose, anyway!
Well, this is going to be tremendously short since I’m sitting here falling asleep. Maybe more tomorrow…zzzzzzzzzzz
I’m still working out 5 mornings every week. I feel good. And it’s paying, too! Nelson got me a Coldwater Creek gift card on ebay. I’ve looked at their catalogue, but never thought I would get anything from them. I found out they have an outlet on the internet. So, I got brave and ordered some clothes. I’m in love! I was nervous that they would be too small—they fit!!! One of the items I got was a cute cotton jacket that is rose colored (going well with a pair of pants I ordered) and has a ruffle around the collar and lapels. I got it in just a size large thinking I would just wait to wear it until I lose some more weight. I tried it on and it fit---and I could button it!!! Button a jacket. I’m just tickled pink on this—well rose, anyway!
Well, this is going to be tremendously short since I’m sitting here falling asleep. Maybe more tomorrow…zzzzzzzzzzz
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Don't Tell
Shhhhhh.
You can’t see me. I’m hiding.
Okay, I’m not doing so well at it. Sigh.
It’s been an emotional week.
I realized half way through last week that this was the first year that the anniversary of my father’s death slipped by me and I didn’t even notice. He died in 1989.
On Tuesday, I had to deal with a big disappointment. One of the guys who has been in the program for over a year now really screwed up and was arrested. I have poured a lot of time and energy into this guy. We were at the PO”s office at the same time and he deferred to me, allowing me to go ahead of him. The next morning I found out that he was hit with a probation violation and immediately taken to jail. He was on judicial release, so he will have to finish out his original sentence—about seven years—and then he will face time for whatever charges they will levy against him for new crimes.
I really believed in this guy. I knew when he was blowing smoke, but I never, NEVER, imagined the stuff he was in to. He lied to me about things and left details out of other things. I just wanted to smack him upside the head for being so stupid—but then I wasn’t sure that all my anger was at him. I felt so dumb for trusting and believing—and I don’t want to feel that way.
I thought a lot about that this week, especially as I dealt with the rest of the folk in the program. Who could I believe? Who was lying to me? Will I ever know if they’re telling the truth? What I decided is I trust very easily. I am able to be shrewd and discerning at times—but I tend to err on the side of believing in that there is goodness in people. I want to be that way and it makes me very sad to think about not being that way.
Then there was the job interview. There is so much going on with this and so much not. I’ve talked to some people who know what’s going on and they are of the opinion that if Dan was smart he’d figure out a way to get me insurance because he doesn’t want to and won’t be able to train someone else to do the packaging component of the job as well as I do. There words were encouraging.
This past weekend my mom was here. She and George arrived on Friday about the time I got off work. We played scrabble non-stop all weekend and on Monday too, since I took the day off. It was so good to be with her and George was actually quite well-behaved. That was a major relief.
At one point Mom and I were looking at old family pictures that I had gotten when my grandmother, Mom’s mom, died in 1999. While we were strolling down Memory Lane, Mom looked at an old picture of Grandma and she started to cry. It nearly broke my heart and it made me think about how awful it will be when she’s gone. But hopefully we’ll have lots more Scrabble marathons before we have to think about that.
Tonight Nelson and I had dinner at Ponderosa. I was pleased with how controlled I was with my eating. That felt good. Afterwards we went to check out the Grand Re-opening of our local Goodwill Store. It was a good night to go. Sweaters were on special at $1 a piece. So I picked out 4! I also got a pair of dress navy pants and a pair shorts to wear working out at Curves. For all that I paid $7.27. I was quite pleased. The really cool thing: I shopped the regular racks. There was soooooooo much more to choose from. I felt like a kid in a candy store.
I did talk with Dan this morning about the job. They’ve interviewed the other guy and today there was a board meeting at which they would decide when they would meet with us. Hopefully that will happen within the next week. In the meantime, I’ll try to come out of hiding. I’m pretty sure I can trust you.
You can’t see me. I’m hiding.
Okay, I’m not doing so well at it. Sigh.
It’s been an emotional week.
I realized half way through last week that this was the first year that the anniversary of my father’s death slipped by me and I didn’t even notice. He died in 1989.
On Tuesday, I had to deal with a big disappointment. One of the guys who has been in the program for over a year now really screwed up and was arrested. I have poured a lot of time and energy into this guy. We were at the PO”s office at the same time and he deferred to me, allowing me to go ahead of him. The next morning I found out that he was hit with a probation violation and immediately taken to jail. He was on judicial release, so he will have to finish out his original sentence—about seven years—and then he will face time for whatever charges they will levy against him for new crimes.
I really believed in this guy. I knew when he was blowing smoke, but I never, NEVER, imagined the stuff he was in to. He lied to me about things and left details out of other things. I just wanted to smack him upside the head for being so stupid—but then I wasn’t sure that all my anger was at him. I felt so dumb for trusting and believing—and I don’t want to feel that way.
I thought a lot about that this week, especially as I dealt with the rest of the folk in the program. Who could I believe? Who was lying to me? Will I ever know if they’re telling the truth? What I decided is I trust very easily. I am able to be shrewd and discerning at times—but I tend to err on the side of believing in that there is goodness in people. I want to be that way and it makes me very sad to think about not being that way.
Then there was the job interview. There is so much going on with this and so much not. I’ve talked to some people who know what’s going on and they are of the opinion that if Dan was smart he’d figure out a way to get me insurance because he doesn’t want to and won’t be able to train someone else to do the packaging component of the job as well as I do. There words were encouraging.
This past weekend my mom was here. She and George arrived on Friday about the time I got off work. We played scrabble non-stop all weekend and on Monday too, since I took the day off. It was so good to be with her and George was actually quite well-behaved. That was a major relief.
At one point Mom and I were looking at old family pictures that I had gotten when my grandmother, Mom’s mom, died in 1999. While we were strolling down Memory Lane, Mom looked at an old picture of Grandma and she started to cry. It nearly broke my heart and it made me think about how awful it will be when she’s gone. But hopefully we’ll have lots more Scrabble marathons before we have to think about that.
Tonight Nelson and I had dinner at Ponderosa. I was pleased with how controlled I was with my eating. That felt good. Afterwards we went to check out the Grand Re-opening of our local Goodwill Store. It was a good night to go. Sweaters were on special at $1 a piece. So I picked out 4! I also got a pair of dress navy pants and a pair shorts to wear working out at Curves. For all that I paid $7.27. I was quite pleased. The really cool thing: I shopped the regular racks. There was soooooooo much more to choose from. I felt like a kid in a candy store.
I did talk with Dan this morning about the job. They’ve interviewed the other guy and today there was a board meeting at which they would decide when they would meet with us. Hopefully that will happen within the next week. In the meantime, I’ll try to come out of hiding. I’m pretty sure I can trust you.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
SLAM!!!!
Did you hear that?
It was the sound of the door shutting.
I got a brief email response to my letter.
The answer is no.
Funny…it came on the day when I interviewed for the “opportunity.”
Good thing I don’t believe in coincidences.
The interview went well.
That’s not too surprising, I interview well.
The job description is very doable.
The salary was more than I anticipated.
There is ongoing dialogue about insurance.
Next step: they interview the other guy.
I have some definite pluses (I already know the packaging program—shoot, I created it!).
After that, we will interview with the board of the T-Net.
Many of them know me and the work I’ve done.
The whole process is going to take a couple more weeks.
Maybe by then they’ll know more about the insurance.
I surprised myself when I realized how much I want this job.
I wonder if that has anything to do with the other door slamming shut?
It was the sound of the door shutting.
I got a brief email response to my letter.
The answer is no.
Funny…it came on the day when I interviewed for the “opportunity.”
Good thing I don’t believe in coincidences.
The interview went well.
That’s not too surprising, I interview well.
The job description is very doable.
The salary was more than I anticipated.
There is ongoing dialogue about insurance.
Next step: they interview the other guy.
I have some definite pluses (I already know the packaging program—shoot, I created it!).
After that, we will interview with the board of the T-Net.
Many of them know me and the work I’ve done.
The whole process is going to take a couple more weeks.
Maybe by then they’ll know more about the insurance.
I surprised myself when I realized how much I want this job.
I wonder if that has anything to do with the other door slamming shut?
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
What day is it?
What day is it? I started the day thinking that it was the 9th. I had two orders to get out on the 10th, two orders that had 2400 parts in them. Nearly impossible. Completely impossible given the pokey-couldn’t-be-rushed attitude of my workers. I was steaming!
Late in the afternoon it dawned on me that we had an all-employee mandatory meeting on Thursday morning from 7-9am. I was concerned about leaving the crew unsupervised so I went to my supervisor to discuss it. I kept talking about the meeting that was going to take place “tomorrow.”
Shortly after that conversation I talked with the head of the shipping department and through great guffaws, he set me straight on the day and date. About five minutes later my supervisor came to let me know that he was having a bad day too. He was convinced that the meeting was tomorrow and called one of the third shift guys to remind him. He got quickly set straight. We laughed at each other and decided it’s been a long week already!
This morning I was doing a task that reminded me why I wasn’t and should never consider being a Home Ec teacher. We had run out of bubble wrap that we use to fill the void on our boxes and cartons, so I was cutting strips of this foam stuff to use instead. I was trying to do it like those incredibly talented women at the notions table at Walmart. I always marvel at how they barely move their scissors and whip right through whatever fabric they face. I couldn’t cut a straight line for anything.
The frustration caused me to laugh at myself, especially as I recalled an experience that I had as a substitute teacher. When Annie (dau #1) was a baby, I did some subbing in the county around our small town. One Friday afternoon I got a call from a nearby high school principal. His Home Ec teacher and regular sub were going to some conference and they needed someone to cover two days. The first day would be a sewing day and the second day would be a cooking day. We were so desperate for money, I quickly said yes, and then laughed myself silly after I hung up the phone.
I wasn’t the only one who laughed. Everyone who knew me laughed too. The first day I quickly identified the students who knew how to read patterns and work a sewing machine. I drew their wisdom out and paired them up with kids who had questions. It worked my total lack of any sewing knowledge never was fully discovered.
The second day held equal potential for total embarrassment. The cooking class was making dutch apple pies. I had never, ever made a pie. The class had already been divided up into teams. Everyone was doing well and I was feeling pretty good until one group came up to me and their lovely crumbly topping was a clump of dough-looking stuff. I had no clue how to fix it, so I worked with them to problem solve. They came up with an option and it turned out pretty good. That was a real brow-wiping relief!
And that’s why I was never a Home Ec teacher. And today is Tuesday and I need to go to worship team practice. Later!
Late in the afternoon it dawned on me that we had an all-employee mandatory meeting on Thursday morning from 7-9am. I was concerned about leaving the crew unsupervised so I went to my supervisor to discuss it. I kept talking about the meeting that was going to take place “tomorrow.”
Shortly after that conversation I talked with the head of the shipping department and through great guffaws, he set me straight on the day and date. About five minutes later my supervisor came to let me know that he was having a bad day too. He was convinced that the meeting was tomorrow and called one of the third shift guys to remind him. He got quickly set straight. We laughed at each other and decided it’s been a long week already!
This morning I was doing a task that reminded me why I wasn’t and should never consider being a Home Ec teacher. We had run out of bubble wrap that we use to fill the void on our boxes and cartons, so I was cutting strips of this foam stuff to use instead. I was trying to do it like those incredibly talented women at the notions table at Walmart. I always marvel at how they barely move their scissors and whip right through whatever fabric they face. I couldn’t cut a straight line for anything.
The frustration caused me to laugh at myself, especially as I recalled an experience that I had as a substitute teacher. When Annie (dau #1) was a baby, I did some subbing in the county around our small town. One Friday afternoon I got a call from a nearby high school principal. His Home Ec teacher and regular sub were going to some conference and they needed someone to cover two days. The first day would be a sewing day and the second day would be a cooking day. We were so desperate for money, I quickly said yes, and then laughed myself silly after I hung up the phone.
I wasn’t the only one who laughed. Everyone who knew me laughed too. The first day I quickly identified the students who knew how to read patterns and work a sewing machine. I drew their wisdom out and paired them up with kids who had questions. It worked my total lack of any sewing knowledge never was fully discovered.
The second day held equal potential for total embarrassment. The cooking class was making dutch apple pies. I had never, ever made a pie. The class had already been divided up into teams. Everyone was doing well and I was feeling pretty good until one group came up to me and their lovely crumbly topping was a clump of dough-looking stuff. I had no clue how to fix it, so I worked with them to problem solve. They came up with an option and it turned out pretty good. That was a real brow-wiping relief!
And that’s why I was never a Home Ec teacher. And today is Tuesday and I need to go to worship team practice. Later!
Friday, August 04, 2006
Part Slinger
Today was our last early day for a while. I started the day “throwing” parts up on the line. These parts weight at least five pounds each. I pick them up out of a basket two at a time, and put them on the line to move toward the bearing press. This gets increasingly more difficult (and sometimes more painful) as the layers move toward the bottom of the basket. At one point I decided I’m just a part slinger.
Later in the day I moved to packaging. And there I did something I never thought I would do. I did a teaching with a guy that I never thought I’d do. A big chunk of my work with this crew is somewhat akin to a job coach. I’m working to help them make better work choices so that they can hopefully be hired somewhere full-time.
So this afternoon, two of the guys were having a discussion. The first guy said something the second guy didn’t like. He took a step back, thinking he was hidden by a stack of boxes and he “flipped” the first guy off. The problem with that was that he wasn’t hidden by the boxes and I turned around to catch him in the act. He immediately apologized. I let it set a moment and then I shifted in to teaching mode.
I called the guy over and explained that if he felt the absolute need to “salute” one of his co-workers, he was going to have to be a lot more subtle than that. I then proceeded to demonstrate how you have to “camouflage” the action. He insisted he didn’t think he’d get caught. I told him that stepping behind the boxes was an option, but then also pointed out that his very exaggerated motion was done facing the shipping dock and anyone walking by could have seen him, including management. He acknowledged that his action was a bit short-sighted.
I can’t believe I took ten minutes out of my day to teach this. Please know, we also discussed other ways of communication, but you can imagine what he really heard.
The Blizzards were a big hit. It appeared that they were a little surprised that I actually came through on my offer. I was impressed with their expressions of appreciation. Nelson did a great job of getting them there before they melted, too.
I’m thankful that it has cooled down some. We didn’t run the AC all day downstairs. Nelson is outside on the yard swing with Asher. They’re listening to the game. I can hear Nelson talking to Asher, telling what the different sounds are and keeping him updated on the game. I wish it wasn’t so dark, because that would make a wonderful picture.
Our singing was well received last night. We sang an old Imperials song: “If Heaven Never Was Promised to Me”, and two hymn medleys. The first included “Fairest Lord Jesus” and “I’d Rather Have Jesus.” The second is one we’ve sung a couple times at church that the people love to join in on: “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God”; “Rock of Ages”; “Victory In Jesus”; and “Because He Lives.”
It was interesting at the beginning of the meeting, as an ice-breaker, the leader asked us to introduce ourselves and then share what our favorite song was. Several people mentioned some of the hymns in our medleys. When it was my turn, I had to smile, since my favorite song is “Classical Gas” (a song from the 60’s by Mason Williams featuring a guitar solo). Nelson shared that one of his current favorites is “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” He sings it a lot to Asher and it always makes him smile.
I just took a break to do a little reading in the bathroom. That’s where we keep the “Readers’ Digest.” I remembered, while I was reading, a time when I was in a pageant for our little town. One of the questions posed to me by the judges was: what magazines do read at home. The only magazine we subscribed to (other than TV Guide) was “Readers’ Digest.” They weren’t impressed—like somehow that meant I lacked connection to the world. Phooey on them. I didn’t even place in that contest. Guess I didn’t need to be the Tomato Queen.
Well, I’m looking forward to a restful weekend, cooler and completely uneventful. That would be a blessing to my heart. May your heart also be blessed!
Later in the day I moved to packaging. And there I did something I never thought I would do. I did a teaching with a guy that I never thought I’d do. A big chunk of my work with this crew is somewhat akin to a job coach. I’m working to help them make better work choices so that they can hopefully be hired somewhere full-time.
So this afternoon, two of the guys were having a discussion. The first guy said something the second guy didn’t like. He took a step back, thinking he was hidden by a stack of boxes and he “flipped” the first guy off. The problem with that was that he wasn’t hidden by the boxes and I turned around to catch him in the act. He immediately apologized. I let it set a moment and then I shifted in to teaching mode.
I called the guy over and explained that if he felt the absolute need to “salute” one of his co-workers, he was going to have to be a lot more subtle than that. I then proceeded to demonstrate how you have to “camouflage” the action. He insisted he didn’t think he’d get caught. I told him that stepping behind the boxes was an option, but then also pointed out that his very exaggerated motion was done facing the shipping dock and anyone walking by could have seen him, including management. He acknowledged that his action was a bit short-sighted.
I can’t believe I took ten minutes out of my day to teach this. Please know, we also discussed other ways of communication, but you can imagine what he really heard.
The Blizzards were a big hit. It appeared that they were a little surprised that I actually came through on my offer. I was impressed with their expressions of appreciation. Nelson did a great job of getting them there before they melted, too.
I’m thankful that it has cooled down some. We didn’t run the AC all day downstairs. Nelson is outside on the yard swing with Asher. They’re listening to the game. I can hear Nelson talking to Asher, telling what the different sounds are and keeping him updated on the game. I wish it wasn’t so dark, because that would make a wonderful picture.
Our singing was well received last night. We sang an old Imperials song: “If Heaven Never Was Promised to Me”, and two hymn medleys. The first included “Fairest Lord Jesus” and “I’d Rather Have Jesus.” The second is one we’ve sung a couple times at church that the people love to join in on: “A Mighty Fortress Is Our God”; “Rock of Ages”; “Victory In Jesus”; and “Because He Lives.”
It was interesting at the beginning of the meeting, as an ice-breaker, the leader asked us to introduce ourselves and then share what our favorite song was. Several people mentioned some of the hymns in our medleys. When it was my turn, I had to smile, since my favorite song is “Classical Gas” (a song from the 60’s by Mason Williams featuring a guitar solo). Nelson shared that one of his current favorites is “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” He sings it a lot to Asher and it always makes him smile.
I just took a break to do a little reading in the bathroom. That’s where we keep the “Readers’ Digest.” I remembered, while I was reading, a time when I was in a pageant for our little town. One of the questions posed to me by the judges was: what magazines do read at home. The only magazine we subscribed to (other than TV Guide) was “Readers’ Digest.” They weren’t impressed—like somehow that meant I lacked connection to the world. Phooey on them. I didn’t even place in that contest. Guess I didn’t need to be the Tomato Queen.
Well, I’m looking forward to a restful weekend, cooler and completely uneventful. That would be a blessing to my heart. May your heart also be blessed!
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Hot Thursday
Everyone should own a Pepa bed. Just about everyday when I come home from work, Asher is asleep on Nelson. He’s there right now. He must be having sweet dreams because he keeps smiling so sweetly. He cut one of his upper front teeth. I called Nelson on one of my breaks this morning and there was this scrappy sound coming through the receiver. It was Asher “gnawing” on Nelson’s cane—he was using Nelson’s cane as a teether! Crazy baby! Crazier Pepa. Though come to think of it, my girls loved to get a hold of my keys to teeth on: something about cool metal felt good, I guess.
It’s supposed to rain here today and cool things down a couple degrees for tomorrow: I’ll believe it when it happens. We’re still working early (5-1:30), but it really doesn’t feel that much cooler at 5 than 7. My little crew is working in a poorly ventilated corner of the plant. We’ve really pushed it this week to get some orders out on time. I told them today that if they got two of three orders we were working on out on time today I would buy them Blizzards (ice cream treat from Dairy Queen) tomorrow. They were amazingly motivated. I don’t think they thought I was serious until I asked them at the end of the day what flavors they wanted. Nelson will go get them and bring them for lunchtime.
I can’t remember if I wrote about this: I’m writing a study guide for our small group ministry that compliments the pastor’s sermon. This has been a really fun exercise for me. I’ve done a few of them ahead of the sermon, which is a challenge as I then am anticipating the direction the pastor may go. The whole process is good to prepare me for the message and keep me reading and researching. I hope they are fitting well, the only feedback I’ve gotten is from the person who is in charge of the project. She’s been very encouraging.
Nelson and I are singing for our supper tonight. A few weeks ago we sang for the traditional worship service and a woman in our Sunday school class who heads one of the Mission Study Groups asked us if we would sing at their banquet/cookout tonight. So in a little bit (when the baby wakes up) we’ll practice that song and a few others. I really love singing with Nelson. We did an encore of the first song at the service where I play on the worship team (8:30am service) this past Sunday. People really like Nelson’s voice. It just makes me smile down to my toes to get to sing with him.
I haven’t heard anything back with regards to my letter. The college president was clearly absent from church on Sunday, so he and his wife may be out of town. I’m about to give up. I was talking to someone about it, and he asked how I was or how I’d handle it if it didn’t pan out. I said I was getting better with the idea. The longer I don’t hear anything, the more hope I surrender and pretty soon it will just be what it is.
Well, it’s time to practice…TTFN
It’s supposed to rain here today and cool things down a couple degrees for tomorrow: I’ll believe it when it happens. We’re still working early (5-1:30), but it really doesn’t feel that much cooler at 5 than 7. My little crew is working in a poorly ventilated corner of the plant. We’ve really pushed it this week to get some orders out on time. I told them today that if they got two of three orders we were working on out on time today I would buy them Blizzards (ice cream treat from Dairy Queen) tomorrow. They were amazingly motivated. I don’t think they thought I was serious until I asked them at the end of the day what flavors they wanted. Nelson will go get them and bring them for lunchtime.
I can’t remember if I wrote about this: I’m writing a study guide for our small group ministry that compliments the pastor’s sermon. This has been a really fun exercise for me. I’ve done a few of them ahead of the sermon, which is a challenge as I then am anticipating the direction the pastor may go. The whole process is good to prepare me for the message and keep me reading and researching. I hope they are fitting well, the only feedback I’ve gotten is from the person who is in charge of the project. She’s been very encouraging.
Nelson and I are singing for our supper tonight. A few weeks ago we sang for the traditional worship service and a woman in our Sunday school class who heads one of the Mission Study Groups asked us if we would sing at their banquet/cookout tonight. So in a little bit (when the baby wakes up) we’ll practice that song and a few others. I really love singing with Nelson. We did an encore of the first song at the service where I play on the worship team (8:30am service) this past Sunday. People really like Nelson’s voice. It just makes me smile down to my toes to get to sing with him.
I haven’t heard anything back with regards to my letter. The college president was clearly absent from church on Sunday, so he and his wife may be out of town. I’m about to give up. I was talking to someone about it, and he asked how I was or how I’d handle it if it didn’t pan out. I said I was getting better with the idea. The longer I don’t hear anything, the more hope I surrender and pretty soon it will just be what it is.
Well, it’s time to practice…TTFN
Monday, July 31, 2006
The Incredible Shrinking Woman
I went shopping tonight. I only have one pair of shorts that are comfortable to wear for working out at Curves, and they’re not perfect. They’ve gotten a little bigger and that’s not good since I bought them at a garage sale by mistake—they’re maternity shorts (no insert). So, I have this annoying and extremely unattractive pooch in the front.
So, I went to my favorite little shop: Goodwill. They had no shorts for me. I did however find a couple pairs of jeans. Allow me a brief digression: I went shopping on Sunday in my closet and dresser and found that I could get into a pair of size 16 jeans and also into my size 14/16 pants! That felt quite good. Well, I was feeling a bit brave so I tried on 16’s at Goodwill. Keep in mind: Goodwill is generally used clothing, used jeans mean washed jeans, mean smaller—typically: THEY FIT!!!!!!! I quit being sad about not finding shorts. My mood went soaring!!!
Today I walked 27,198 steps, 4933 aerobic steps, 977 calories, and 9.44 miles. I’m sort of exhausted when I think about it.
It’s been so hot here that they’ve issued a heat advisory. To address that and take care of our employees, the management of the factory where I work decided to offer us the option of working 5-1:30. Everyone accepted the offer—except the crew I supervise. That will probably work out okay, since they’re packing parts faster than we can make them right now. They’ll come in at 7.
No word back on my letter.
Nelson is up to 8 minutes on the treadmill at a speed of 1.2 miles per hour.
I think I’m going to go to bed. Exhaustion is definitely setting in.
So, I went to my favorite little shop: Goodwill. They had no shorts for me. I did however find a couple pairs of jeans. Allow me a brief digression: I went shopping on Sunday in my closet and dresser and found that I could get into a pair of size 16 jeans and also into my size 14/16 pants! That felt quite good. Well, I was feeling a bit brave so I tried on 16’s at Goodwill. Keep in mind: Goodwill is generally used clothing, used jeans mean washed jeans, mean smaller—typically: THEY FIT!!!!!!! I quit being sad about not finding shorts. My mood went soaring!!!
Today I walked 27,198 steps, 4933 aerobic steps, 977 calories, and 9.44 miles. I’m sort of exhausted when I think about it.
It’s been so hot here that they’ve issued a heat advisory. To address that and take care of our employees, the management of the factory where I work decided to offer us the option of working 5-1:30. Everyone accepted the offer—except the crew I supervise. That will probably work out okay, since they’re packing parts faster than we can make them right now. They’ll come in at 7.
No word back on my letter.
Nelson is up to 8 minutes on the treadmill at a speed of 1.2 miles per hour.
I think I’m going to go to bed. Exhaustion is definitely setting in.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Deep Breath
I had to take a lot of deep breaths today. It helped a little. I just couldn’t believe it. And yet I should have absolutely not been surprised.
Right before lunch we were running out of parts to package. I knew that the production line had a basket about 2/3 full that would be ready. I knew that the plant’s production manager (my boss) had put a rush on the work so that my crew would have work to keep them busy. I told the crew (twice) that we were going to work until the parts were done. It was 10:50 so I told them to head to lunch and the basket would be there when they got back.
I was detained 5 minutes by a phone call and when I arrived in our work area the crew had signed out. They had decided that they didn’t want to finish the work and not have anything to do tomorrow so they left. Well, I used my anger energy to move my feet to my office and called the director of T-Net and let him know what had happened. Fortunately, I reached him before they did. He chewed them out and two of the crew came back. One of them said she didn’t want to work. The other knew he was wading in deep doo-doo so he tried schmoozing and blowing smoke. I sent them home. There is no work until Friday.
After they left I talked to the director again. I told him they came out. I told him I sent them home. He told me they told him that I never told them to work until the parts were gone. Friday morning we’re going to have a meeting where they can call me a liar to my face.
I’m a rehearser. I practice anticipated conversations. I’ve done this since I was a child. Some attribute this to being raised in an alcoholic family and my need to be prepared for anything that came my way. After about 20 rehearsings and rehashings, I just had to tell myself to stop! I was alone in my work area and I just started talking/praying out loud.
“God, I don’t want to do this any more. It doesn’t help me to feel better to keep going over this. I don’t want to feel angry. I don’t know why I expected anything other than what I got. These folks are in this position because this very kind of behavior, this very lack of work ethic. I don’t need to think about this. Help me to move on, to do my work, to keep only positive and helpful thoughts. Thank you.”
It was a good prayer. I had to pray it (sort of again) after I got home and Nelson asked how my day went. I was able to regain my peace about it.
I’m still going to Curves. Nelson is still working hard at therapy. Beth took Asher to Sears to get pictures taken. It’s hot here. I had thought about mowing but took a shower instead. The grass will be there tomorrow.
Speaking of Curves…I bought a pedometer. I used it yesterday and was pretty impressed with how I did—then it reset itself, because I hadn’t set it right. Grrrrr. Today it worked right. As of right now, 12241 steps, 409calories, 4.25 miles. I feel good about that. I know that it’s keeping me moving at work. I take the longer path to reach where I’m going. And I am feeling good about it. And that’s what really matters.
Oh, and I sent the letter—after I made the corrections. Guess we will really see what we see.
Right before lunch we were running out of parts to package. I knew that the production line had a basket about 2/3 full that would be ready. I knew that the plant’s production manager (my boss) had put a rush on the work so that my crew would have work to keep them busy. I told the crew (twice) that we were going to work until the parts were done. It was 10:50 so I told them to head to lunch and the basket would be there when they got back.
I was detained 5 minutes by a phone call and when I arrived in our work area the crew had signed out. They had decided that they didn’t want to finish the work and not have anything to do tomorrow so they left. Well, I used my anger energy to move my feet to my office and called the director of T-Net and let him know what had happened. Fortunately, I reached him before they did. He chewed them out and two of the crew came back. One of them said she didn’t want to work. The other knew he was wading in deep doo-doo so he tried schmoozing and blowing smoke. I sent them home. There is no work until Friday.
After they left I talked to the director again. I told him they came out. I told him I sent them home. He told me they told him that I never told them to work until the parts were gone. Friday morning we’re going to have a meeting where they can call me a liar to my face.
I’m a rehearser. I practice anticipated conversations. I’ve done this since I was a child. Some attribute this to being raised in an alcoholic family and my need to be prepared for anything that came my way. After about 20 rehearsings and rehashings, I just had to tell myself to stop! I was alone in my work area and I just started talking/praying out loud.
“God, I don’t want to do this any more. It doesn’t help me to feel better to keep going over this. I don’t want to feel angry. I don’t know why I expected anything other than what I got. These folks are in this position because this very kind of behavior, this very lack of work ethic. I don’t need to think about this. Help me to move on, to do my work, to keep only positive and helpful thoughts. Thank you.”
It was a good prayer. I had to pray it (sort of again) after I got home and Nelson asked how my day went. I was able to regain my peace about it.
I’m still going to Curves. Nelson is still working hard at therapy. Beth took Asher to Sears to get pictures taken. It’s hot here. I had thought about mowing but took a shower instead. The grass will be there tomorrow.
Speaking of Curves…I bought a pedometer. I used it yesterday and was pretty impressed with how I did—then it reset itself, because I hadn’t set it right. Grrrrr. Today it worked right. As of right now, 12241 steps, 409calories, 4.25 miles. I feel good about that. I know that it’s keeping me moving at work. I take the longer path to reach where I’m going. And I am feeling good about it. And that’s what really matters.
Oh, and I sent the letter—after I made the corrections. Guess we will really see what we see.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Adjunct
Yesterday was such a nice day. It cooled down so much that we put the screen in the front window, turned off the AC and open wide the front door. It rained off and on most of the day. At one point it was such a gentle rain. I felt completely relaxed.
I remember a conversation I had in therapy way back when we lived in Kansas City. My therapist suggested that in my life I needed that kind long soaking rain spiritually and emotionally. He was right then---and it’s true now as well.
A phrase that rumbles around in my brain now and then comes from Phinneas Brezee (leader in the Church of the Nazarene back in the late 1800’s): I want to be under the spout where the glory comes out. And I just want to soak and soak and soak.
There was an advertisement in our local paper yesterday and larger town’s Sunday paper today for adjunct professors for our local university. I want to teach. Sometimes I want to so bad that my heart literally aches. But the fear I have is stronger even still. I remember how devastated I felt after doing all that prep work for the courses I had been hired to teach before being character assassinated by some “well-meaning” citizen.
So here’s what I did. The newly elected president of the university is a member of our Sunday school class. I wrote him a letter. I wanted to know if there was any chance whatsoever of my getting hired to teach as an adjunct professor. Here’s the letter: (The first paragraph refers to the Sunday school class this morning where Dr. F and some other people shared about the ministry of the Brethren Church in India. The comment about sewing machines refers to the Sewing School that empowers Indian women by teaching them a trade and then providing them with a sewing machine—through the gifts of others.)
July 23, 2006
Dear Dr. F,
First, I just want to let you know that Nelson and I really enjoyed and were challenged by your presentation in Sunday school. We’ve even discussed giving a sewing machine for Christmas. Nelson also commented that if we passed the envelope more than once a month we could sponsor more than one pastor, too. I think we’ve caught the vision.
The main reason for my writing is to check with you about the advertisement I saw in both the Atown and Mfield papers regarding the university’s need for adjunct professors. This is a position that I am extremely interested in, but one that I fear may beyond my reach.
A couple years ago, before we moved to Atown, a woman who is a trustee at Urbana University, who knows me very well, recommended me to the Chair of the Humanities department to teach a couple courses (Personal Philosophy and Christian History). I put a LOT of work into preparation for these courses and was quite excited. I taught the first night of the philosophy course and the next day was in the process of preparing for the first class of the history course when the dean called. It seems that someone called him and completely embellished the truth, and painted a horrible picture of me both as a person, and as a criminal. I was immediately fired and completely devastated. It wasn’t until almost six months later that the trusted friend (and trustee) learned what had happened and informed me. By then, there was nothing that could be done.
In April 2003 I worked with Dr. R, director of the counseling program, to present my “story” to the ethics course of the counseling program at the seminary. Briefly, in 2001 I turned myself in and was convicted of the crime of sexually battery. I served time in jail and am about to complete my time under the equivalent of probation.
Over a year ago now, I had a conversation with Mr. R (company owner). He offered, that if I hung at the factory position for a year, he would use his influence to help get me a position teaching with the university. I was deeply touched, but never pushed or pursued that based on my earlier experience. I know that I’m qualified. I have three Master’s degrees, two from ATS (MA in New Testament and Pastoral Counseling) and an M.Div from the Nazarene Seminary. But I know that no matter what I know or how well I might do, I might be disqualified by my actions. So I am writing to see what the university’s position is and what my chances might be.
I understand you are extremely busy and I deeply appreciate your taking a few minutes to address this matter for me. Continued blessings on your ministry through the university.
Sincerely,
daisymarie
I guess we'll see what we see.
I remember a conversation I had in therapy way back when we lived in Kansas City. My therapist suggested that in my life I needed that kind long soaking rain spiritually and emotionally. He was right then---and it’s true now as well.
A phrase that rumbles around in my brain now and then comes from Phinneas Brezee (leader in the Church of the Nazarene back in the late 1800’s): I want to be under the spout where the glory comes out. And I just want to soak and soak and soak.
There was an advertisement in our local paper yesterday and larger town’s Sunday paper today for adjunct professors for our local university. I want to teach. Sometimes I want to so bad that my heart literally aches. But the fear I have is stronger even still. I remember how devastated I felt after doing all that prep work for the courses I had been hired to teach before being character assassinated by some “well-meaning” citizen.
So here’s what I did. The newly elected president of the university is a member of our Sunday school class. I wrote him a letter. I wanted to know if there was any chance whatsoever of my getting hired to teach as an adjunct professor. Here’s the letter: (The first paragraph refers to the Sunday school class this morning where Dr. F and some other people shared about the ministry of the Brethren Church in India. The comment about sewing machines refers to the Sewing School that empowers Indian women by teaching them a trade and then providing them with a sewing machine—through the gifts of others.)
July 23, 2006
Dear Dr. F,
First, I just want to let you know that Nelson and I really enjoyed and were challenged by your presentation in Sunday school. We’ve even discussed giving a sewing machine for Christmas. Nelson also commented that if we passed the envelope more than once a month we could sponsor more than one pastor, too. I think we’ve caught the vision.
The main reason for my writing is to check with you about the advertisement I saw in both the Atown and Mfield papers regarding the university’s need for adjunct professors. This is a position that I am extremely interested in, but one that I fear may beyond my reach.
A couple years ago, before we moved to Atown, a woman who is a trustee at Urbana University, who knows me very well, recommended me to the Chair of the Humanities department to teach a couple courses (Personal Philosophy and Christian History). I put a LOT of work into preparation for these courses and was quite excited. I taught the first night of the philosophy course and the next day was in the process of preparing for the first class of the history course when the dean called. It seems that someone called him and completely embellished the truth, and painted a horrible picture of me both as a person, and as a criminal. I was immediately fired and completely devastated. It wasn’t until almost six months later that the trusted friend (and trustee) learned what had happened and informed me. By then, there was nothing that could be done.
In April 2003 I worked with Dr. R, director of the counseling program, to present my “story” to the ethics course of the counseling program at the seminary. Briefly, in 2001 I turned myself in and was convicted of the crime of sexually battery. I served time in jail and am about to complete my time under the equivalent of probation.
Over a year ago now, I had a conversation with Mr. R (company owner). He offered, that if I hung at the factory position for a year, he would use his influence to help get me a position teaching with the university. I was deeply touched, but never pushed or pursued that based on my earlier experience. I know that I’m qualified. I have three Master’s degrees, two from ATS (MA in New Testament and Pastoral Counseling) and an M.Div from the Nazarene Seminary. But I know that no matter what I know or how well I might do, I might be disqualified by my actions. So I am writing to see what the university’s position is and what my chances might be.
I understand you are extremely busy and I deeply appreciate your taking a few minutes to address this matter for me. Continued blessings on your ministry through the university.
Sincerely,
daisymarie
I guess we'll see what we see.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Thank-fully Stuff
I am feeling good.
I joined Curves this week, on Wednesday, and have worked out twice. I like it. I like it, a lot! And it’s going to do something really good for me. I have struggled with being famished when I get home from work. I have started with a snack and ended up eating almost an extra meal. This has stymied my weight loss progress. The two times I’ve worked out I worked out after work and I am in no ways hungry when I get done! It’s wonderful.
Today, after working out, I treated myself to a yummy salad at Friendly’s. I thought it was my night to provide a meal for a lady in our Sunday School class who recently was diagnosed with breast cancer and had mastectomy of the left breast and this week learned that she’ll have to have the right breast removed in August. When I called to suggest going out to dinner, she informed me that someone else already provided her dinner. Huh? I had my mouth all set for a yummy salad out somewhere.
When I got home, Nelson suggested I still go out. So I did. I took a book with me. Ordered a carafe of coffee. Ate my salad. Drank my coffee. Read my book. And enjoyed a Happy Ending Sundae. I love those Sundaes because they’re small enough that I don’t feel like I’m being bad, but so lulicious that I am completely satisfied! Only problem was, it cost too much. The meal was good. I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t worth what I paid. I could have eaten at a really nice restaurant for less. Sigh. I need to remember it’s just not worth it the next time I get a hankering for a sundae.
I’ve really been working on my attitude at work. I was finding myself grumbling about all kinds of things. It wasn’t the kind of grumbling you do TO someone else, rather it was the kind you do under your breath ABOUT someone. Typically, it had to do with ignorance or laziness—two things that I’m too easily irked about at work.
Each time I find myself headed down that road, I remind myself that no one can steal my joy and contentment unless I leave the door open and invite them in. People are just going to be people, and that means they’re going to be ignorant and lazy. I don’t have to carry that. I’ve maintained an attitude of “let it go.” And it turned out to be a better week for me. That’s good, because it was a little longer of a week, going in to start work at 5am on Thursday and Friday. Yeah, for overtime!
I must confess though, that I had to shake my head a few times. First, on Thursday, a couple of the guys were having a loud conversation and throughout it they were dropping the “F” bomb. I went over to them and very nicely, and with a large dose of humor asked them how they would feel if Mr. R (company owner) would back there with some guests? They decided it wasn’t appropriate. So, I suggested they stretch their vocabulary and use some different adjectives. The one guy looked at me and as seriously as a heart attack said, “I’m not being negative—that’s as positive as I get.” He thought that “adjectives” was related to his “attitude.” I had to explain the difference.
Today, the crew finished packaging an order, and instead of moving to the next order (and possibly not completing it) they chose to go home at 2:30 (more like 2:15). I used the time to commandeer a tow motor and put away some packaging materials that had come earlier in the day. As I re-entered the packaging area I realized that whoever plugged in the hand operated pull behind (Big Joe) had it blocking my path. Big Joe gets plugged into a battery charger every night. Now, do this one must join the plug from the battery to the plug from Big Joe. That’s not how I found it. Whoever plugged Big Joe in plugged the battery directly into him—this is a sure ticket for frying the circuits. I’ll have to address this on Monday. Nelson bets that “no one” plugged Big Joe in. He’s probably right.
Sigh. Some days it’s really hard to stave off the frustration. Then I remember it’s Friday and I am abundantly thank-full for the weekend. And that very thought makes me smile. Having spent 20 years in ministry, I never really understood why people “lived” for the weekend. I didn’t really have a weekend. I worked everyday—and extra on Sunday. Now—I get it! And now, I treasure that down time—I’m actually quite jealous for it.
So, enjoy your weekend. Stay cool. We’re supposed to be a couple degrees cooler so I guess I’ll mow. Yehaw!
Oh wait—I almost forgot. Nelson had an appointment with his doctor this morning. He was released to walk again—just don’t pull out the stiches! So he actually walked on a treadmill at physical therapy!!! He had a major improvement in the range of motion in the ankle. This is wonderfully wonderful!
I joined Curves this week, on Wednesday, and have worked out twice. I like it. I like it, a lot! And it’s going to do something really good for me. I have struggled with being famished when I get home from work. I have started with a snack and ended up eating almost an extra meal. This has stymied my weight loss progress. The two times I’ve worked out I worked out after work and I am in no ways hungry when I get done! It’s wonderful.
Today, after working out, I treated myself to a yummy salad at Friendly’s. I thought it was my night to provide a meal for a lady in our Sunday School class who recently was diagnosed with breast cancer and had mastectomy of the left breast and this week learned that she’ll have to have the right breast removed in August. When I called to suggest going out to dinner, she informed me that someone else already provided her dinner. Huh? I had my mouth all set for a yummy salad out somewhere.
When I got home, Nelson suggested I still go out. So I did. I took a book with me. Ordered a carafe of coffee. Ate my salad. Drank my coffee. Read my book. And enjoyed a Happy Ending Sundae. I love those Sundaes because they’re small enough that I don’t feel like I’m being bad, but so lulicious that I am completely satisfied! Only problem was, it cost too much. The meal was good. I enjoyed it, but it wasn’t worth what I paid. I could have eaten at a really nice restaurant for less. Sigh. I need to remember it’s just not worth it the next time I get a hankering for a sundae.
I’ve really been working on my attitude at work. I was finding myself grumbling about all kinds of things. It wasn’t the kind of grumbling you do TO someone else, rather it was the kind you do under your breath ABOUT someone. Typically, it had to do with ignorance or laziness—two things that I’m too easily irked about at work.
Each time I find myself headed down that road, I remind myself that no one can steal my joy and contentment unless I leave the door open and invite them in. People are just going to be people, and that means they’re going to be ignorant and lazy. I don’t have to carry that. I’ve maintained an attitude of “let it go.” And it turned out to be a better week for me. That’s good, because it was a little longer of a week, going in to start work at 5am on Thursday and Friday. Yeah, for overtime!
I must confess though, that I had to shake my head a few times. First, on Thursday, a couple of the guys were having a loud conversation and throughout it they were dropping the “F” bomb. I went over to them and very nicely, and with a large dose of humor asked them how they would feel if Mr. R (company owner) would back there with some guests? They decided it wasn’t appropriate. So, I suggested they stretch their vocabulary and use some different adjectives. The one guy looked at me and as seriously as a heart attack said, “I’m not being negative—that’s as positive as I get.” He thought that “adjectives” was related to his “attitude.” I had to explain the difference.
Today, the crew finished packaging an order, and instead of moving to the next order (and possibly not completing it) they chose to go home at 2:30 (more like 2:15). I used the time to commandeer a tow motor and put away some packaging materials that had come earlier in the day. As I re-entered the packaging area I realized that whoever plugged in the hand operated pull behind (Big Joe) had it blocking my path. Big Joe gets plugged into a battery charger every night. Now, do this one must join the plug from the battery to the plug from Big Joe. That’s not how I found it. Whoever plugged Big Joe in plugged the battery directly into him—this is a sure ticket for frying the circuits. I’ll have to address this on Monday. Nelson bets that “no one” plugged Big Joe in. He’s probably right.
Sigh. Some days it’s really hard to stave off the frustration. Then I remember it’s Friday and I am abundantly thank-full for the weekend. And that very thought makes me smile. Having spent 20 years in ministry, I never really understood why people “lived” for the weekend. I didn’t really have a weekend. I worked everyday—and extra on Sunday. Now—I get it! And now, I treasure that down time—I’m actually quite jealous for it.
So, enjoy your weekend. Stay cool. We’re supposed to be a couple degrees cooler so I guess I’ll mow. Yehaw!
Oh wait—I almost forgot. Nelson had an appointment with his doctor this morning. He was released to walk again—just don’t pull out the stiches! So he actually walked on a treadmill at physical therapy!!! He had a major improvement in the range of motion in the ankle. This is wonderfully wonderful!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Sweeties Weekend
Saturday was a wonderful mema sort of day. Ann and Travis were going to a Cincinnati Reds baseball game (about 2.5 hours from their home). They were going with a bunch of people from one of Travis’ ball teams. They were also going to make a day of it in Cincinnati (the game didn’t start until 6:00pm). Ann asked if I would watch the kids.
(Just an aside…isn’t it interesting. I live 2.5 hours away. Travis’ parents live 8 miles from the kids. I was the one who was asked. They are nice people, just not the all day babysitting kind.)
I said of course I would.
So, I got up as early as I would on a regular work day, drove across the state, and got to spend the day with my two grandsweeties.
Now, I think I’m beginning to understand why we have children when we’re young! Penelope is 2.5yrs old and Caden is 8mo. For some reason, neither of them decided that they needed to take a nap. Fortunately, Caden went to bed at 8:30 and Penelope at 9:00 and Mema at 10!
Penelope and I have a wonderful connection. I’m one of her favorite toys. Caden is a completely different story. I don’t know him. We did better yesterday, but I don’t know how to read him like I do Penelope or Asher. I may need a few more Saturdays to feel comfortable and competent with that little guy.
Yesterday was also an anniversary for Nelson and I. Those of you have been with me a while know that Nelson and I celebrate 3 anniversaries a year: our first date, our engagement, and our wedding. I am quite blessed to have a man who remembers them all and uses each opportunity to do something quite special for me or us as a couple. I wasn’t sure with everything that happened this week if he would have time to do anything or even get a card. I was wrong.
As I was leaving yesterday, Nelson pointed out that a card had been delivered for me. It was one of those really heart warming, romantic Hallmark cards and tucked in the envelop was also a plastic card—for Barnes and Nobles!!!!!!! What a good man I have! Now I just need to find some time to run down to the next town to the south and browse, shop, and maybe even enjoy a decadent cup of extremely overpriced coffee. Mmmmmmmm!
This morning I got up at 4:30am and drove home so that I could be at church in time for worship team practice at 7:30am. I made it with time to spare. And I wasn’t exceeding the speed limit either. One of the neatest things about the trip was to be driving home right into a gorgeous sunrise. The colors were so amazing. I counted it as a precious gift and enjoyed it for miles and miles and miles.
Our afternoon has been spent watching Asher—no really watching him. He’s learned to sit up on his own. He was also watching the NASCAR race with us. It was so funny to watch him sitting in front of the TV yelling at the cars as they flew by on the screen. I’m actually about laughed out.
I was going to mow the yard, but the heat index is still over 100degrees and it’s nearly 7:00pm. Nelson and I decided that the grass would still be there tomorrow. Wisdom says it’s really ok to put off till tomorrow what I might be able to do today.
I think I’m going to find something soothing to drink and cuddle up in bed and hopefully fall asleep early. Sweet dreams.
(Just an aside…isn’t it interesting. I live 2.5 hours away. Travis’ parents live 8 miles from the kids. I was the one who was asked. They are nice people, just not the all day babysitting kind.)
I said of course I would.
So, I got up as early as I would on a regular work day, drove across the state, and got to spend the day with my two grandsweeties.
Now, I think I’m beginning to understand why we have children when we’re young! Penelope is 2.5yrs old and Caden is 8mo. For some reason, neither of them decided that they needed to take a nap. Fortunately, Caden went to bed at 8:30 and Penelope at 9:00 and Mema at 10!
Penelope and I have a wonderful connection. I’m one of her favorite toys. Caden is a completely different story. I don’t know him. We did better yesterday, but I don’t know how to read him like I do Penelope or Asher. I may need a few more Saturdays to feel comfortable and competent with that little guy.
Yesterday was also an anniversary for Nelson and I. Those of you have been with me a while know that Nelson and I celebrate 3 anniversaries a year: our first date, our engagement, and our wedding. I am quite blessed to have a man who remembers them all and uses each opportunity to do something quite special for me or us as a couple. I wasn’t sure with everything that happened this week if he would have time to do anything or even get a card. I was wrong.
As I was leaving yesterday, Nelson pointed out that a card had been delivered for me. It was one of those really heart warming, romantic Hallmark cards and tucked in the envelop was also a plastic card—for Barnes and Nobles!!!!!!! What a good man I have! Now I just need to find some time to run down to the next town to the south and browse, shop, and maybe even enjoy a decadent cup of extremely overpriced coffee. Mmmmmmmm!
This morning I got up at 4:30am and drove home so that I could be at church in time for worship team practice at 7:30am. I made it with time to spare. And I wasn’t exceeding the speed limit either. One of the neatest things about the trip was to be driving home right into a gorgeous sunrise. The colors were so amazing. I counted it as a precious gift and enjoyed it for miles and miles and miles.
Our afternoon has been spent watching Asher—no really watching him. He’s learned to sit up on his own. He was also watching the NASCAR race with us. It was so funny to watch him sitting in front of the TV yelling at the cars as they flew by on the screen. I’m actually about laughed out.
I was going to mow the yard, but the heat index is still over 100degrees and it’s nearly 7:00pm. Nelson and I decided that the grass would still be there tomorrow. Wisdom says it’s really ok to put off till tomorrow what I might be able to do today.
I think I’m going to find something soothing to drink and cuddle up in bed and hopefully fall asleep early. Sweet dreams.
Face of Grace
We saw the face of Grace on Tuesday. One of Nelson’s biggest concerns as he faced his surgery was the starting of the IV. Now, for most people that might not be a big deal, but for Nelson it is a very painful process—typically that is.
We had been hanging out in the surgery waiting area and had already been notified that the surgeon was running about a half hour late. Finally, a green scrub garbed woman entered our curtain area. She greeted Nelson and informed us that she would be starting his IV. I was amazed how well we were able to quash our unified groan.
Quickly, our green garbed angel, who identified herself as Grace, set about the task of locating a vein and gathering her supplies. I wanted to shake my head as she began to work on a vein in Nelson’s right hand. This was never going to work. I bit my lip, struggling with protecting my husband from unnecessary rooting and assuming that I could tell this woman how to do her job.
What happened next amazed us: she loosened the rubber strap and pronounced that she was done. What? One stick and success?
Nelson was the first to speak: “Honey, write down her name. Any time we have to come back, the only woman who can come near me with a needle is Grace. I stopped short of leaping from my chair and hugging sweet Grace. I did thank her profusely. I was deeply appreciative and thankful for her skill and finesse.
Many things happened that day to reassure me that are prayers had been answered. God gave us Grace to bring comfort to my heart and remind me that He was—and is in control.
We had been hanging out in the surgery waiting area and had already been notified that the surgeon was running about a half hour late. Finally, a green scrub garbed woman entered our curtain area. She greeted Nelson and informed us that she would be starting his IV. I was amazed how well we were able to quash our unified groan.
Quickly, our green garbed angel, who identified herself as Grace, set about the task of locating a vein and gathering her supplies. I wanted to shake my head as she began to work on a vein in Nelson’s right hand. This was never going to work. I bit my lip, struggling with protecting my husband from unnecessary rooting and assuming that I could tell this woman how to do her job.
What happened next amazed us: she loosened the rubber strap and pronounced that she was done. What? One stick and success?
Nelson was the first to speak: “Honey, write down her name. Any time we have to come back, the only woman who can come near me with a needle is Grace. I stopped short of leaping from my chair and hugging sweet Grace. I did thank her profusely. I was deeply appreciative and thankful for her skill and finesse.
Many things happened that day to reassure me that are prayers had been answered. God gave us Grace to bring comfort to my heart and remind me that He was—and is in control.
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