Well, it's hot...but it's a dry heat.
And it really is green...and the flowers bloomed late this year so I've been enjoying them on my walks.
Mom and I are tied in our Scrabble marathon at 15 games a piece.
I have LOVED walking every morning. This morning I was out hitting the streets at 5:30AM!I've had some really neat revelational thoughts while walking...I'll share them later. They need a little time to germinate!
Take care and I'll catch up more later.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Heading out the door...
I made a list...checked it twice. I'm not taking my computer. Just a tablet to write on. Mom already has the Scrabble board out and waiting for me. I'll be spending the next week in sunny Green Valley, Arizona (a wonderful retirement community about 30 miles south of Tucson.) I will get over to my Aunt and Uncle's sometime during the week to check in and update you. But this is truly just a time of relaxing for me. I plan to walk everyday: morning and night. One day we're going to see "Davinci Code"; one day lunch with Auntie; one day Tubac (google it; it's wonderful!!!); and on Friday I'll go with mom to her doctor's appointment.
As for the appointment: here's the scoop. A couple years ago Mom was in Hawaii and hurt her back while sight seeing. The bus hit a bump and she was jarred. Turns out she fractured a vertebrae because she has osteoporosis. She's been taking one of those super-duper pills, but last week she coughed and fractured another. So, next Friday we're going to see a bone doc. My great-grandmother also had ostoeporosis. I drink a yogart smoothie every day, have a container of yogart and drink at least one glass of milk. I'm going to get a bone density done when I'm 50. And so should you! Lecture done.
So have a great week...I plan to. Happy tiles to you!
As for the appointment: here's the scoop. A couple years ago Mom was in Hawaii and hurt her back while sight seeing. The bus hit a bump and she was jarred. Turns out she fractured a vertebrae because she has osteoporosis. She's been taking one of those super-duper pills, but last week she coughed and fractured another. So, next Friday we're going to see a bone doc. My great-grandmother also had ostoeporosis. I drink a yogart smoothie every day, have a container of yogart and drink at least one glass of milk. I'm going to get a bone density done when I'm 50. And so should you! Lecture done.
So have a great week...I plan to. Happy tiles to you!
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Staring at Despair
I wonder if every time Peter faced a test if he questioned whether it was all related back to his failure with Jesus? What do you do with tests of faith, or tests that seem directed right at your character?
I was thinking about that today while I was working. This financial set back feels like a test. Sunday morning at church we knew that we were going to be challenged to consider a Faith Promise commitment to support our missionaries in Mexico. Nelson and I talked about it and felt that we wanted to work more on being consistent with our tithe and offerings. But as we sat in church we both felt led to commit a substantial amount. He filled out the card and I beamed at the spiritual sensitivity and leadership of this wonderful man I married. Then Monday BWC called and stated they were canceling Nelson’s benefits.
So I was wondering: how fast do your tests come at you? To test your resolve? To test your commitment? To test…you?
Mine seem to come fast and furious. And as I was working there on the stud press machine this morning I feel like I stared despair in the face. It seemed so unfair that our desire was to give and in a blink our resources were chopped down. I had too much time in my head. Everything began to look bleak and then black.
So I looked up despair:
To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.
A state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly.
That pretty much sums it up. Nothing looks like it’s going to improve for Nelson. Due to this accident he has become morbidly obese limiting even further the limitations of his ability to be mobile. Watching him is literally breaking my heart. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong.
As I stood there putting bolts in hubs, I thought more about Peter and more about the conversation I had that got me dreaming again. My hands hurt, but my heart ached more. I love speaking. I love teaching. God gifted me that way. He used me that way. Then I screwed up. I failed a huge, huge test. And it was taken away. But not all of it. The opportunities have been taken away from me, but the desire has only grown. I just want to scream out: “Put me in, Coach!”
The ache of futility bashed against me in tsunami size waves. I knew that the financial reversals were no greater test than this moment of despair. How was I going to deal with this?
In that moment I was reminded of David’s prayer that God would restore the joy of His salvation. I stood at the crossroad of despair that could lead down the path of Judas—to suicide and the Way of hope that leads to life. I understood in that instant how someone could chose to take path of despair. Hope seemed like a lot of work and a lot of work that right then only seemed to be leading to emptiness.
I let the words roll around in my head. I clung to Paul’s admonition to think on these things (Philippians 4:8). And it became clearer and clearer that the joy David prayed for wasn’t a feeling. He wasn’t asking to be happy. Happiness is too dependent upon circumstances. David was crying out, crying out from his shame and despair to be restored to relationship with God. That relationship is the only thing that can bring joy.
I stared at despair today, but I didn’t stay there. I lifted my eyes and headed my feet down the Way of hope. It’s not an easy road. It won’t always make sense in the moment. But it’s the only way I know to go. And if along the way I’m able to use my gifts and talents to bless others and honor God, then that’s enough. It’s a gift and I will be grateful or it.
Some things still seem wrong. I don’t understand all the pieces. But I know, deep in my being, that I only have a limited view of what’s really going on. I’m going to trust that one, trust it every step of the way. I figure that must be the way Peter faced those tests, too.
I was thinking about that today while I was working. This financial set back feels like a test. Sunday morning at church we knew that we were going to be challenged to consider a Faith Promise commitment to support our missionaries in Mexico. Nelson and I talked about it and felt that we wanted to work more on being consistent with our tithe and offerings. But as we sat in church we both felt led to commit a substantial amount. He filled out the card and I beamed at the spiritual sensitivity and leadership of this wonderful man I married. Then Monday BWC called and stated they were canceling Nelson’s benefits.
So I was wondering: how fast do your tests come at you? To test your resolve? To test your commitment? To test…you?
Mine seem to come fast and furious. And as I was working there on the stud press machine this morning I feel like I stared despair in the face. It seemed so unfair that our desire was to give and in a blink our resources were chopped down. I had too much time in my head. Everything began to look bleak and then black.
So I looked up despair:
To be overcome by a sense of futility or defeat.
A state in which everything seems wrong and will turn out badly.
That pretty much sums it up. Nothing looks like it’s going to improve for Nelson. Due to this accident he has become morbidly obese limiting even further the limitations of his ability to be mobile. Watching him is literally breaking my heart. It’s wrong, wrong, wrong.
As I stood there putting bolts in hubs, I thought more about Peter and more about the conversation I had that got me dreaming again. My hands hurt, but my heart ached more. I love speaking. I love teaching. God gifted me that way. He used me that way. Then I screwed up. I failed a huge, huge test. And it was taken away. But not all of it. The opportunities have been taken away from me, but the desire has only grown. I just want to scream out: “Put me in, Coach!”
The ache of futility bashed against me in tsunami size waves. I knew that the financial reversals were no greater test than this moment of despair. How was I going to deal with this?
In that moment I was reminded of David’s prayer that God would restore the joy of His salvation. I stood at the crossroad of despair that could lead down the path of Judas—to suicide and the Way of hope that leads to life. I understood in that instant how someone could chose to take path of despair. Hope seemed like a lot of work and a lot of work that right then only seemed to be leading to emptiness.
I let the words roll around in my head. I clung to Paul’s admonition to think on these things (Philippians 4:8). And it became clearer and clearer that the joy David prayed for wasn’t a feeling. He wasn’t asking to be happy. Happiness is too dependent upon circumstances. David was crying out, crying out from his shame and despair to be restored to relationship with God. That relationship is the only thing that can bring joy.
I stared at despair today, but I didn’t stay there. I lifted my eyes and headed my feet down the Way of hope. It’s not an easy road. It won’t always make sense in the moment. But it’s the only way I know to go. And if along the way I’m able to use my gifts and talents to bless others and honor God, then that’s enough. It’s a gift and I will be grateful or it.
Some things still seem wrong. I don’t understand all the pieces. But I know, deep in my being, that I only have a limited view of what’s really going on. I’m going to trust that one, trust it every step of the way. I figure that must be the way Peter faced those tests, too.
Monday, May 22, 2006
The Week in Review
Such a day it’s been. No wait…such a week. I’ve been working on an assembly line where we’re making a part we’ve made before, for a company that we’ve made it for, but it’s a new contract and they’re requiring a 100% check. That has required several more people on the line. The first day we did 613 in 5hrs; the second day we did 866; and on Saturday (yes, overtime) we did 1086. Today in 6.5 hours we did 977 and then to finish the day we switched over to a different part. I’ve got lots of new bruises, but I slowly becoming less sore and achy.
I’m continuing to eat well and I feel good. I got a new pair of walking sneakers. Now, I’ve had good tennis shoes before, but these are specifically made for walking. What a wonderful difference. I decided to take a walk after dinner. I was probably only out for a 30 minutes. No soreness. No blisters. And the best part is that I bought them dirt cheap on ebay!!!
I’ve had the opportunity to begin dreaming again. I want to believe that something has been brewing and that there’s something more than exciting on the horizon. I want to hope. I’ve been contacted by someone who has a vision and I may be a part of that. It’s an opportunity to use my gifts, my talents, my training, and my experience. Hope is so fragile. Dreams are so tenuous. Does it make any sense that I am so afraid?
I leave for my Mom’s on Saturday and will be staying to the following Saturday. That is if I get my travel permit from my PO. She hasn’t been able to get her supervisor to fax it back to her. Hopefully it’ll be ready by Thursday. That’s when I’m supposed to pick it up. These are the days I find so stressful. I purchased a ticket nearly a month ago. And if this supervisor gets a whim that I shouldn’t go then I’m just out the cash. I had hoped so much to be off paper (completed community control) by the next time I went to Mom’s. That isn’t going to happen. I don’t believe that I’ll be getting off early at all so this will continue until at least next February.
And then there’s the continuing saga of Nelson vs. the BWC and Doctor. Today Nelson hit a new low. His worker from BWC called and informed him that since there has been no action on his case all his benefits are going to be terminated. He’s been calling almost daily to try and get this thing resolved, but the doctor isn’t in or doesn’t return his calls and then there’s all the hassles of trying to get a hold of the people at BWC. He’s been through at least four case managers. And now, with no resolution, no disability, no rehab he’s just going to be cut off? He can’t walk—there’s no way he’s going to work. We can’t afford a lawyer. It’s as if someone tied a millstone around his neck. I’ve been sitting here trying to pray and I don’t even know how.
Some week, huh?
I’m continuing to eat well and I feel good. I got a new pair of walking sneakers. Now, I’ve had good tennis shoes before, but these are specifically made for walking. What a wonderful difference. I decided to take a walk after dinner. I was probably only out for a 30 minutes. No soreness. No blisters. And the best part is that I bought them dirt cheap on ebay!!!
I’ve had the opportunity to begin dreaming again. I want to believe that something has been brewing and that there’s something more than exciting on the horizon. I want to hope. I’ve been contacted by someone who has a vision and I may be a part of that. It’s an opportunity to use my gifts, my talents, my training, and my experience. Hope is so fragile. Dreams are so tenuous. Does it make any sense that I am so afraid?
I leave for my Mom’s on Saturday and will be staying to the following Saturday. That is if I get my travel permit from my PO. She hasn’t been able to get her supervisor to fax it back to her. Hopefully it’ll be ready by Thursday. That’s when I’m supposed to pick it up. These are the days I find so stressful. I purchased a ticket nearly a month ago. And if this supervisor gets a whim that I shouldn’t go then I’m just out the cash. I had hoped so much to be off paper (completed community control) by the next time I went to Mom’s. That isn’t going to happen. I don’t believe that I’ll be getting off early at all so this will continue until at least next February.
And then there’s the continuing saga of Nelson vs. the BWC and Doctor. Today Nelson hit a new low. His worker from BWC called and informed him that since there has been no action on his case all his benefits are going to be terminated. He’s been calling almost daily to try and get this thing resolved, but the doctor isn’t in or doesn’t return his calls and then there’s all the hassles of trying to get a hold of the people at BWC. He’s been through at least four case managers. And now, with no resolution, no disability, no rehab he’s just going to be cut off? He can’t walk—there’s no way he’s going to work. We can’t afford a lawyer. It’s as if someone tied a millstone around his neck. I’ve been sitting here trying to pray and I don’t even know how.
Some week, huh?
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
Humming!
My neighborhood is humming. I added to the humming after work. It’s humming because the sun is actually shining!!! When I got home I walked in the front door, I emptied my lunch box, immediately changed to my mowing shoes, and walked out the back door to the garage to get the mower. My Mothers’ Day gift worked wonderfully!!! I got the yard mowed in less than a half hour.
While I was mowing there were five other people around me mowing. Since I finished I think three more have mowed their lawns.
Weight Loss Update: I started eating according to the Nutrisystem plan on February 16. Since then I have lost 21 pounds. Since the beginning of this year I have lost 24! I’m feeling good about that. I would have like to be farther down, but losing it slowly generally means it’ll stay off. That’s my plan. I’d like to lose 28 more pounds. That’s not unreasonable and definitely maintainable. It should be easier with summer here. I love walking. I drink lots more water and my appetite generally dips way down. I’m going to make the most of all that and hopefully reach my goal by September 1.
And now that supper is done, I’m catching up on some Scrabble boards ( I love online Scrabble as much as face to face! I can play with lots of different folks—sometimes as many as 15 games at a time). Guess what I just heard? Thunder! Guess there were a few sighs of relief around my neighborhood!
I had to giggle at myself yesterday. I was working the stud press. It’s sort of become my job and I’m getting faster and faster at it. (So much so that two people told me to slow down today!) I was also having to feed the machine and do some scrubbing. I was running back and forth, so much so that I had worked up quite a sweat. (I should probably interject that I push myself extra hard, walk very fast, and just plain move like a woman on a mission--I only have one speed: full steam ahead!) I felt myself start to grumble (you know the kind when you're starting to feel sorry for yourself...), but then it dawned on me that if I kept up that pace it was going to be a great day of exercise! At least three more times I found myself reframing situations like that. And each time I would giggle at myself. Good thing that very few people walk by me—I’d hate to have to explain why I’m laughing at myself!
Here’s to laughter—it’s sweet, sweet medicine!
While I was mowing there were five other people around me mowing. Since I finished I think three more have mowed their lawns.
Weight Loss Update: I started eating according to the Nutrisystem plan on February 16. Since then I have lost 21 pounds. Since the beginning of this year I have lost 24! I’m feeling good about that. I would have like to be farther down, but losing it slowly generally means it’ll stay off. That’s my plan. I’d like to lose 28 more pounds. That’s not unreasonable and definitely maintainable. It should be easier with summer here. I love walking. I drink lots more water and my appetite generally dips way down. I’m going to make the most of all that and hopefully reach my goal by September 1.
And now that supper is done, I’m catching up on some Scrabble boards ( I love online Scrabble as much as face to face! I can play with lots of different folks—sometimes as many as 15 games at a time). Guess what I just heard? Thunder! Guess there were a few sighs of relief around my neighborhood!
I had to giggle at myself yesterday. I was working the stud press. It’s sort of become my job and I’m getting faster and faster at it. (So much so that two people told me to slow down today!) I was also having to feed the machine and do some scrubbing. I was running back and forth, so much so that I had worked up quite a sweat. (I should probably interject that I push myself extra hard, walk very fast, and just plain move like a woman on a mission--I only have one speed: full steam ahead!) I felt myself start to grumble (you know the kind when you're starting to feel sorry for yourself...), but then it dawned on me that if I kept up that pace it was going to be a great day of exercise! At least three more times I found myself reframing situations like that. And each time I would giggle at myself. Good thing that very few people walk by me—I’d hate to have to explain why I’m laughing at myself!
Here’s to laughter—it’s sweet, sweet medicine!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Happy Day To Me!
Happy Mothers’ Day!
What a sweet day it has been. I presented my monologue in all three services. When I sent Pastor a copy earlier in the week, he responded by telling me that it was “right on.” I felt good about that. The presentations went smoothly.
Baby Asher was dedicated at the 8:30 service. It was such a blessing and he was so amazingly cute---and well-behaved. Beth had gotten him an outfit from Baby Gap, so he was quite stylish in his baby cargo pants, yellow T-shirt (aka onesie) and argyle sweater vest. I teared up during the service, thinking about my baby dedicating her baby.
We got a coupon in the mail yesterday for Chipotle Grill. I’ve wanted to try it so because we got such a good coupon we did! The first amazing thing occurred when we told them that it was our first time there—they comped our meal!!! All we paid for was our drinks. So all three of us (Beth, Nelson, and I) ate for $4.50! The next amazing thing was how scrumptious our meal was. Oh, my!
When we were done Nelson told me to run by GFS (General Food Services) and get my next gift: a three pound tub of Chicken Salad—one of my most favorite foods. They were on sale!! So good. Then we drove over to Dairy Queen where Nelson bought Beth and I an ice cream Mothers’ Day cake. I’m so stuffed, that I don’t think that I eat any more today!
Now I’m just sitting here trying to unwind, but also thinking about my next monologue. I’ll be writing and presenting something for Pentecost Sunday. That gives me a couple weeks.
I got lots of positive feedback. After the first service a woman came up to me and asked if I had any training or experience that made it easier for me to get up front and do that kind of thing. I smiled. Just 20 years of pastoral experience, lots of drama experience, three master’s degrees…She was so surprised. She had no idea of my background. I let her know that that platform was where I was most comfortable on earth. Good news is that I get to do at least two more.
Well, that’s enough for now. Going to put my feet up for a bit. Need to rest up before work tomorrow. Here’s to sunshiny Sundays and Hershey Kiss hugs!
What a sweet day it has been. I presented my monologue in all three services. When I sent Pastor a copy earlier in the week, he responded by telling me that it was “right on.” I felt good about that. The presentations went smoothly.
Baby Asher was dedicated at the 8:30 service. It was such a blessing and he was so amazingly cute---and well-behaved. Beth had gotten him an outfit from Baby Gap, so he was quite stylish in his baby cargo pants, yellow T-shirt (aka onesie) and argyle sweater vest. I teared up during the service, thinking about my baby dedicating her baby.
We got a coupon in the mail yesterday for Chipotle Grill. I’ve wanted to try it so because we got such a good coupon we did! The first amazing thing occurred when we told them that it was our first time there—they comped our meal!!! All we paid for was our drinks. So all three of us (Beth, Nelson, and I) ate for $4.50! The next amazing thing was how scrumptious our meal was. Oh, my!
When we were done Nelson told me to run by GFS (General Food Services) and get my next gift: a three pound tub of Chicken Salad—one of my most favorite foods. They were on sale!! So good. Then we drove over to Dairy Queen where Nelson bought Beth and I an ice cream Mothers’ Day cake. I’m so stuffed, that I don’t think that I eat any more today!
Now I’m just sitting here trying to unwind, but also thinking about my next monologue. I’ll be writing and presenting something for Pentecost Sunday. That gives me a couple weeks.
I got lots of positive feedback. After the first service a woman came up to me and asked if I had any training or experience that made it easier for me to get up front and do that kind of thing. I smiled. Just 20 years of pastoral experience, lots of drama experience, three master’s degrees…She was so surprised. She had no idea of my background. I let her know that that platform was where I was most comfortable on earth. Good news is that I get to do at least two more.
Well, that’s enough for now. Going to put my feet up for a bit. Need to rest up before work tomorrow. Here’s to sunshiny Sundays and Hershey Kiss hugs!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Restored
Here's my monologue for next Sunday, based on the restoration of Peter (John 21:15-17). I've sent it to Pastor...hopefully it will fit with where he's heading.
How will you be remembered?
Do you have any idea what is like to be know for the one thing you’ve done wrong?
Thomas forever will be called the doubter.
Moses was the stuttering Hebrew who killed the Egyptian, but became the man of faith who led God’s thankless people to the Promised Land.
King David was the adulterer, the murderer, the bad dad who became known as the man after God’s own heart.
His Psalm holds the key to the transition: restore to me the joy of my salvation.Restore…to give back the original condition. Jesus did that for me.
There we were on the shore, eating fish. We didn’t think it was going to happen. We had pretty much given up. We had gone back to our old ways. Fishing, after all, was what we knew. What we were made for.
But there over breakfast, Jesus reminded us that he had more in mind.
I sat just outside the group. Surely, he really couldn’t mean to include me. Not after what I had done. Not after what I had said. The lies, the cursing, cutting off that man’s ear. I really thought I had meant that I would follow him anywhere. But that was all gone now.
It was one thing to come back to the guys. No, it wasn’t easy. They could have turned me away…if they had I probably would have ended up dead like Judas. But they let me back into their circle. I never expected that Jesus would. I knew I had gone too far…certainly he couldn’t use me.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation. David’s heart was no more for you than mine, God. No more than mine. But I deserve to be out here.
I sat for a bit in my solitude, doing a pretty good job of beating myself up. When suddenly, but quietly I realized that Jesus was sitting beside me. I could barely look at him. Was he going to scold me, like he did when we fell asleep in the garden, or when we couldn’t cast out the demons. My faith was so small. I wanted to reach out but my shame consumed me.
“Peter, do you love me, more than these.” His words held me in their tenderness. I couldn’t help myself, I was like a parched man at a fresh spring lapping up the life. “Yes, Lord, you know I do.” I would leave them in a second to be back in relationship with you. Sure I needed their acceptance, but not like I needed that of the Lord’s. “Then feed my lambs.”
“Simon, son of John, do you love me.” What was he asking? Son of John, that’s who I am. Do I
love you more than myself? “Yes Lord, I love you.” And again, “Then feed my sheep.”Then he asked me again. What wasn’t I getting? Why did this seem so hard? I wanted to give him the right answer. “Do you love me?” You know everything already, Lord. You don’t need to ask.
Wait, the right answer isn’t for you is it, Jesus? What are you saying that I need to hear?
Do you love me? Not, “are you sorry for what you did, for what you said, how you acted?” Those things were cluttering my mind, not his. He asked if I loved him, not because he needed to know—but because I needed to know. I needed to be redirected. Restored.
Then, just as he did years before he looked deep into my eyes and told me, “Follow me.”
He knew my heart was true. He knew I was easily distracted; how terribly easy it is for me to get my eyes on others. He wanted me to live in my love for him and to serve him out of that same love. He wanted me to follow him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.
This moment wasn’t just about making me feel better. He was drawing me back. Back into service. I wasn’t going to be about fishing anymore. There were flocks to feed. There was work to be done. I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and get to it.
I’m restored to serve him. That’s what I want to be remembered for, but if you must remember the failure, go ahead. Just be sure that you see he still was willing to use me. Me and my love for him.
How will you be remembered?
Do you have any idea what is like to be know for the one thing you’ve done wrong?
Thomas forever will be called the doubter.
Moses was the stuttering Hebrew who killed the Egyptian, but became the man of faith who led God’s thankless people to the Promised Land.
King David was the adulterer, the murderer, the bad dad who became known as the man after God’s own heart.
His Psalm holds the key to the transition: restore to me the joy of my salvation.Restore…to give back the original condition. Jesus did that for me.
There we were on the shore, eating fish. We didn’t think it was going to happen. We had pretty much given up. We had gone back to our old ways. Fishing, after all, was what we knew. What we were made for.
But there over breakfast, Jesus reminded us that he had more in mind.
I sat just outside the group. Surely, he really couldn’t mean to include me. Not after what I had done. Not after what I had said. The lies, the cursing, cutting off that man’s ear. I really thought I had meant that I would follow him anywhere. But that was all gone now.
It was one thing to come back to the guys. No, it wasn’t easy. They could have turned me away…if they had I probably would have ended up dead like Judas. But they let me back into their circle. I never expected that Jesus would. I knew I had gone too far…certainly he couldn’t use me.
Restore to me the joy of my salvation. David’s heart was no more for you than mine, God. No more than mine. But I deserve to be out here.
I sat for a bit in my solitude, doing a pretty good job of beating myself up. When suddenly, but quietly I realized that Jesus was sitting beside me. I could barely look at him. Was he going to scold me, like he did when we fell asleep in the garden, or when we couldn’t cast out the demons. My faith was so small. I wanted to reach out but my shame consumed me.
“Peter, do you love me, more than these.” His words held me in their tenderness. I couldn’t help myself, I was like a parched man at a fresh spring lapping up the life. “Yes, Lord, you know I do.” I would leave them in a second to be back in relationship with you. Sure I needed their acceptance, but not like I needed that of the Lord’s. “Then feed my lambs.”
“Simon, son of John, do you love me.” What was he asking? Son of John, that’s who I am. Do I
love you more than myself? “Yes Lord, I love you.” And again, “Then feed my sheep.”Then he asked me again. What wasn’t I getting? Why did this seem so hard? I wanted to give him the right answer. “Do you love me?” You know everything already, Lord. You don’t need to ask.
Wait, the right answer isn’t for you is it, Jesus? What are you saying that I need to hear?
Do you love me? Not, “are you sorry for what you did, for what you said, how you acted?” Those things were cluttering my mind, not his. He asked if I loved him, not because he needed to know—but because I needed to know. I needed to be redirected. Restored.
Then, just as he did years before he looked deep into my eyes and told me, “Follow me.”
He knew my heart was true. He knew I was easily distracted; how terribly easy it is for me to get my eyes on others. He wanted me to live in my love for him and to serve him out of that same love. He wanted me to follow him with my whole heart, soul, mind, and strength.
This moment wasn’t just about making me feel better. He was drawing me back. Back into service. I wasn’t going to be about fishing anymore. There were flocks to feed. There was work to be done. I needed to quit feeling sorry for myself and get to it.
I’m restored to serve him. That’s what I want to be remembered for, but if you must remember the failure, go ahead. Just be sure that you see he still was willing to use me. Me and my love for him.
Saturday, May 06, 2006
Greasy, Grimy
I started an entry a couple days ago. Revised it yesterday morning. It just sounded like a bad email about what’s been happening in my life. It wasn’t really “poor me” but it wasn’t much better.
Here are the high points:
-Wednesday was a hard day (physically) at work for me and also for Nelson (Asher wanted to do his shrilly scream all day) so we got a way and went for Mexican for dinner.
-Thursday Nelson decided to go buy a new lawn mower (because Wednesday evening it would start).
-Friday Beth mowed the yard with the new mower. Guess she decided not to let me have the maiden voyage like she did with the washer and dryer (lol).
-The lawn mower is my Mother’s Day present. (giggles to herself, since her birthday present was the washer and dryer)
Yesterday at work I got so greasy dirty that I wasn’t sure I’d come clean. Our company purchased (as is) 5 machines from a company in Tennessee. The ‘as is’ was that that they were completely greasy, grimy messes and in many pieces. I jumped in with the power sprayer and not only got totally greasy and gross, but also soaked. You know you’re a mess (and quite comical) when someone at work threatens to get a camera to take a picture, but then when you get home your husband does.
It was dirty work but it was fun in a weird sort of way. I’m going to do the same thing on Monday. So Friday I spent about 4 hours steam cleaning and I’ll be doing at least the same. That’s eight plus hours in a steam room. This should be good for my skin or weight or something shouldn’t it?
Right now I’m at Annie’s. I got here last night. It was so fun to play with Penelope. She’s jabbering away. Caden is growing so quickly. Today we’re going garage saling in her little town—the whole community has their sales on the same day. And then this afternoon we’re going to a Victorian tea at her church. She’s quite excited to have me see her new church and meet some of her new friends. It just makes my heart smile.
Here are the high points:
-Wednesday was a hard day (physically) at work for me and also for Nelson (Asher wanted to do his shrilly scream all day) so we got a way and went for Mexican for dinner.
-Thursday Nelson decided to go buy a new lawn mower (because Wednesday evening it would start).
-Friday Beth mowed the yard with the new mower. Guess she decided not to let me have the maiden voyage like she did with the washer and dryer (lol).
-The lawn mower is my Mother’s Day present. (giggles to herself, since her birthday present was the washer and dryer)
Yesterday at work I got so greasy dirty that I wasn’t sure I’d come clean. Our company purchased (as is) 5 machines from a company in Tennessee. The ‘as is’ was that that they were completely greasy, grimy messes and in many pieces. I jumped in with the power sprayer and not only got totally greasy and gross, but also soaked. You know you’re a mess (and quite comical) when someone at work threatens to get a camera to take a picture, but then when you get home your husband does.
It was dirty work but it was fun in a weird sort of way. I’m going to do the same thing on Monday. So Friday I spent about 4 hours steam cleaning and I’ll be doing at least the same. That’s eight plus hours in a steam room. This should be good for my skin or weight or something shouldn’t it?
Right now I’m at Annie’s. I got here last night. It was so fun to play with Penelope. She’s jabbering away. Caden is growing so quickly. Today we’re going garage saling in her little town—the whole community has their sales on the same day. And then this afternoon we’re going to a Victorian tea at her church. She’s quite excited to have me see her new church and meet some of her new friends. It just makes my heart smile.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Listening
As I said in my previous post, I was totally buoyed and saturated. The theme for the conference was “Contagious Joy.” I caught that for sure. But what else?
Going to conferences is typically very difficult for me. I am a public speaker, a communicator. I have great difficulty staying focused, so I speak to others with that in mind. I work hard to read an audience to be sure that they’re with me. And I get a lot of positive feedback when I speak and teach.
I guess that is why I am having such a hard time these days. I’m not doing and even farther from being who my gifts make me. And some days, I just don’t have enough hope to see it ever happening again. I’m not trying to beat a dead horse—this is just the battle of my heart.
So I sat in this conference, fully believing that it was no accident that I was there; open to anything that would speak to me and my situation. I heard a lot—some of it I even wrote down.
Interestingly, on Thursday morning someone walked up to me at the factory and asked me how I was—simple question. Their next question was: what would you like to be doing? This guy knows my story, knows where I’ve been, knows what I’ve been, and knows what I would like to be doing. He then went on to describe a possible scenario and how I might fit into it—and be able to utilize my gifts and abilities. There definitely was an appeal, but reality came thudding back into my mind—nothing is probably going to come of this.
One thought that was oft repeated came from Patsy Claremont. She kept admonishing us to be willing to take the next step. Now, I have believed that I am always ready for the next step—when I know what it is and have been able to carefully research it. I don’t think I would have been at the front of the line there at the Jordan River “ready” to get my toes wet. For those of you less familiar with the story: that’s how the children of Israel got into the Promised Land. They stood there on the bank. The river was rushing by, full and fast. Got told them to get on over. It wasn’t until they stepped into the water that it parted, enabling them to cross.
So this morning I’m awake at 4:00. I’m on cleaning detail at work. We have worked far ahead on orders and there isn’t any manufacturing work to do. Monday I buffed the break room floor and did some data entry. Yesterday I scrubbed a machine—I have the bruises and skinned knee to prove I really got into the task. I’m feeling sort of superfluous. Lay-offs are a distinct possibility and because D is now trained in my old job and quite good at a few more than me, I feel that I’m a pretty prime target for the old pink slip.
I’m trying to prepare myself for this. I’m trying to be okay with it. I’m not doing very well. Being unnecessary isn’t easy for me. What’s the next step in all this? I’m going to go in and pack up all my personal belongings to bring home. But then what?
Yesterday I met with the director of volunteers at church. She’s looking for someone to do some writing of study guides for small group leaders. The guides flow with the text for the message on Sunday. I’m very interested in this. I would have more time to write if I wasn’t scrubbing big machines. Does a lay-off free me up to write more? Is that the next step?
My ducks are not in a row. In fact, they’re running willy-nilly everywhere. Oddly, I’m not scrambling to pull them all in. I’m sort of just sitting still and watching them run. They’re awfully cute out there just playing. Getting comfortable and okay with not controlling everything just isn’t easy.
So that’s where I am. It feels a bit like nowhere. I like that word. It’s not only “no where”, it’s also “now here.” And I guess that’s where I am: present but not certain of what that means or where that is. But here. Looking. Listening. Ready to take the next step.
Going to conferences is typically very difficult for me. I am a public speaker, a communicator. I have great difficulty staying focused, so I speak to others with that in mind. I work hard to read an audience to be sure that they’re with me. And I get a lot of positive feedback when I speak and teach.
I guess that is why I am having such a hard time these days. I’m not doing and even farther from being who my gifts make me. And some days, I just don’t have enough hope to see it ever happening again. I’m not trying to beat a dead horse—this is just the battle of my heart.
So I sat in this conference, fully believing that it was no accident that I was there; open to anything that would speak to me and my situation. I heard a lot—some of it I even wrote down.
Interestingly, on Thursday morning someone walked up to me at the factory and asked me how I was—simple question. Their next question was: what would you like to be doing? This guy knows my story, knows where I’ve been, knows what I’ve been, and knows what I would like to be doing. He then went on to describe a possible scenario and how I might fit into it—and be able to utilize my gifts and abilities. There definitely was an appeal, but reality came thudding back into my mind—nothing is probably going to come of this.
One thought that was oft repeated came from Patsy Claremont. She kept admonishing us to be willing to take the next step. Now, I have believed that I am always ready for the next step—when I know what it is and have been able to carefully research it. I don’t think I would have been at the front of the line there at the Jordan River “ready” to get my toes wet. For those of you less familiar with the story: that’s how the children of Israel got into the Promised Land. They stood there on the bank. The river was rushing by, full and fast. Got told them to get on over. It wasn’t until they stepped into the water that it parted, enabling them to cross.
So this morning I’m awake at 4:00. I’m on cleaning detail at work. We have worked far ahead on orders and there isn’t any manufacturing work to do. Monday I buffed the break room floor and did some data entry. Yesterday I scrubbed a machine—I have the bruises and skinned knee to prove I really got into the task. I’m feeling sort of superfluous. Lay-offs are a distinct possibility and because D is now trained in my old job and quite good at a few more than me, I feel that I’m a pretty prime target for the old pink slip.
I’m trying to prepare myself for this. I’m trying to be okay with it. I’m not doing very well. Being unnecessary isn’t easy for me. What’s the next step in all this? I’m going to go in and pack up all my personal belongings to bring home. But then what?
Yesterday I met with the director of volunteers at church. She’s looking for someone to do some writing of study guides for small group leaders. The guides flow with the text for the message on Sunday. I’m very interested in this. I would have more time to write if I wasn’t scrubbing big machines. Does a lay-off free me up to write more? Is that the next step?
My ducks are not in a row. In fact, they’re running willy-nilly everywhere. Oddly, I’m not scrambling to pull them all in. I’m sort of just sitting still and watching them run. They’re awfully cute out there just playing. Getting comfortable and okay with not controlling everything just isn’t easy.
So that’s where I am. It feels a bit like nowhere. I like that word. It’s not only “no where”, it’s also “now here.” And I guess that’s where I am: present but not certain of what that means or where that is. But here. Looking. Listening. Ready to take the next step.
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Joy-filled
The week was going by as it typically would: I was working hard, feeling physically exhausted and bruised all over. On Wednesday, I mentioned to our receptionist that I wished I had known who was going to the Women of Faith conference from our Sunday School class because I would have really enjoyed that.
Well, it turns out that one of the group had seriously injured her foot and would not be going. I told her to find out how much it was going to cost and maybe I would be able to go. Next thing I knew, she came to me and told me that everything was covered and they wanted me to go. It was no problem getting the day off since we’re ahead on orders.
So we left for Columbus after work on Thursday. All day Friday we attended at pre-conference session where Patsy Claremont was the main speaker and Sandi Patty did some of the speaking and all of the music. It was awesome!!!
Friday night and all day Saturday was the main conference. The speakers and the music were awesome. We were totally saturated and abundantly blessed.
We ate such good food. Thursday we ate at a place called Hoggies and it was some of the best barbque—mmmmm! Then for dinner on Friday we ate at a place just outside of Nationwide Arena called Boca di beppo—Italian! They serve the food family style. We got a really yummy spinach salad, spaghetti with meat sauce, and manicotti. That was the bestest manicotti I’ve ever had—it just melted in my mouth!
But even better than the food was the fellowship. I don’t think that I’ve ever felt more immediately accepted and included in an already existing group. We laughed and laughed. It felt so good. My joy meter was running pretty low. And being with these women buoyed my spirit completely.
So today was a real day of rest. I’m still basking in the joyfulness…now if the race would just stop being on a rain delay.
Well, it turns out that one of the group had seriously injured her foot and would not be going. I told her to find out how much it was going to cost and maybe I would be able to go. Next thing I knew, she came to me and told me that everything was covered and they wanted me to go. It was no problem getting the day off since we’re ahead on orders.
So we left for Columbus after work on Thursday. All day Friday we attended at pre-conference session where Patsy Claremont was the main speaker and Sandi Patty did some of the speaking and all of the music. It was awesome!!!
Friday night and all day Saturday was the main conference. The speakers and the music were awesome. We were totally saturated and abundantly blessed.
We ate such good food. Thursday we ate at a place called Hoggies and it was some of the best barbque—mmmmm! Then for dinner on Friday we ate at a place just outside of Nationwide Arena called Boca di beppo—Italian! They serve the food family style. We got a really yummy spinach salad, spaghetti with meat sauce, and manicotti. That was the bestest manicotti I’ve ever had—it just melted in my mouth!
But even better than the food was the fellowship. I don’t think that I’ve ever felt more immediately accepted and included in an already existing group. We laughed and laughed. It felt so good. My joy meter was running pretty low. And being with these women buoyed my spirit completely.
So today was a real day of rest. I’m still basking in the joyfulness…now if the race would just stop being on a rain delay.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Musical Upgrade
I need guidance, suggestions, help, and technological wisdom.
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
Musical Upgrade
I need guidance, suggestions, help, and technological wisdom.
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
I've been listening to my CD player at work...I think I've mentioned that a couple times recently. Anyway, I've been cramming the player in my pocket and working hard to keep the earplug chords on my back so that they don't get tangled up in the machinary that I'm working on.
It's not easy or comfortable. I'm changing CD's with unclean hands and changing them way more often than I'd like to be.
So, I've started considering moving into the 21c. What would you recommend? Now keep in mind I'm technologically challenged and have some limits within my budget.
What do you use? What do you wish you had?
Can you help me here?
Saturday, April 22, 2006
Purring and Emmaus
It’s been a good day.
I was purring earlier…I’m sure of it. Nelson got the mower running so I mowed the yard. It was getting so long I was going to need a tractor to make the first cutting and some kind of bailer.
Then I made a wonderful fruit salad in the afternoon. We took down the ramp we had put up for Nelson after his accident. And Nelson purchased my ticket for me to go visit my Mom in Arizona. I’m going to leave on May 27 and come home on June 3. That will give us a full week of Scrabble!
Now I’m watching the race and flipping over to catch the score of the baseball game.
I got a call from Pastor a little bit ago and his first question was: How flexible are you? First he asked me to prepare a monologue, then he said we might be able to use it due some other things that were needing to be in the service (I was way okay with that…I know how important it is to be flexible), then he emailed me yesterday and said that we were going to use it. I’m completely flexible.
The thing that is causing the need for all this flexibility has to do with a presentation of a service project. The week before Easter our congregation reached out to a family in our community and did an Extreme Makeover of their home. We called it “Extreme Renewal.” It was an awesome thing. So many people within the congregation and the community gave so much in time, talent, and support. In the service there’s going to be a video presentation and a time for participants to share. That’s the part that may bump the monologue—it’s just next to impossible to figure out who and how many may want to share.
So here’s the plan. We’re going to play the 8:30 service by ear, but it probably isn’t going to happen. The crowd is much smaller in the 9:30 is much smaller so there may be less sharing, but Pastor wasn’t sure. The 11:00 service is much more traditional and the pastor who headed up the project (the paper did a piece on the project and called him “the Ty Pennington of Extreme Renewal) has to head over to the Alternative Worship Time in the other building so he probably won’t take as long. So this service will probably be the one I’ll make the presentation—if I do it at all. Just call me Gumby.
Now here’s the monologue (it’s from Luke 24:13-35 and comes from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife):
What a day. My feet ache. I’m so tired, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.
First, it seemed so hopeless. There was such sadness and confusion among the followers of Jesus. We had such hope. We believed he was the one. But then came the cross. And he was gone.
Then this morning there were strange reports by some of the women. They said they had gone to the tomb and found it empty. It was said that Mary saw Jesus. That he talked to her. Peter reported it too. But it was so hard to understand. Our hearts were so torn…it was just too much. Cleopas said that we should just come home. So we did.
As we walked, we talked. Really I talked and talked. Cleopas says I chatter. I do that sometimes when I’m distressed. I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to know why. Why did the master have to leave us? Why wasn’t he the one to free us? Why did it end this way? Why would the women make up such a story? Why, why, why? There I go again…(deep breath).
So while we were walking and I was talking, this man walked up beside us. It nearly scared me to death. You just don’t do that. These aren’t safe days. And to just interrupt our conversation like he did was rude.
What we couldn’t believe was the question that he asked. What were we talking about? What else? Cleopas’ response was almost as rude as the stranger’s question: have you been sleeping under a rock these last three days? Cleopas told him that we were talking about Jesus, who was a prophet, and whom we had hoped would free us.
Now what came next had a strange tugging at my heart. The stranger became somewhat rude. He called us foolish and used Cleopas’ own word, saying that we were slow to believe all that the prophets had taught. Then he talked us through the scriptures showing us how Jesus truly was the fulfillment of all the promises.
By that time we arrived at the house. Cleopas is so generous; he invited the stranger to stay with us and have something to eat. He wanted to hear more. I did too, but I was tired and we hadn’t been home. I didn’t know what there was to eat.
I put some bread out and a few other things. The stranger took the bread, lifted it to toward heaven and as he blessed it and broke it---we had seen him break the bread that fed the thousands. We had seen him break bread with the disciples…It was Jesus—but just as his name was about to come to our lips---he was gone.
He disappeared. It was Jesus. That’s why my heart was so moved as he talked of the promises. Cleoplas and I stood there for a moment and then we both headed for the door. We ran all the way back to Jerusalem. It was as if we were Elijah running from Mt. Carmel after witnessing the power of God.
When we got there we found the followers. We were so excited to tell them that we had seen Jesus. We had talked with him. The women were right. He had appeared to Peter too.
I felt badly that my despair had kept me from recognizing the Master. As I looked into his eyes all my questions seem to fall with the crumbs as he broke the bread. He walked with us and talked with us. He is alive and he wants us to know that he really did come to set us free.
I was purring earlier…I’m sure of it. Nelson got the mower running so I mowed the yard. It was getting so long I was going to need a tractor to make the first cutting and some kind of bailer.
Then I made a wonderful fruit salad in the afternoon. We took down the ramp we had put up for Nelson after his accident. And Nelson purchased my ticket for me to go visit my Mom in Arizona. I’m going to leave on May 27 and come home on June 3. That will give us a full week of Scrabble!
Now I’m watching the race and flipping over to catch the score of the baseball game.
I got a call from Pastor a little bit ago and his first question was: How flexible are you? First he asked me to prepare a monologue, then he said we might be able to use it due some other things that were needing to be in the service (I was way okay with that…I know how important it is to be flexible), then he emailed me yesterday and said that we were going to use it. I’m completely flexible.
The thing that is causing the need for all this flexibility has to do with a presentation of a service project. The week before Easter our congregation reached out to a family in our community and did an Extreme Makeover of their home. We called it “Extreme Renewal.” It was an awesome thing. So many people within the congregation and the community gave so much in time, talent, and support. In the service there’s going to be a video presentation and a time for participants to share. That’s the part that may bump the monologue—it’s just next to impossible to figure out who and how many may want to share.
So here’s the plan. We’re going to play the 8:30 service by ear, but it probably isn’t going to happen. The crowd is much smaller in the 9:30 is much smaller so there may be less sharing, but Pastor wasn’t sure. The 11:00 service is much more traditional and the pastor who headed up the project (the paper did a piece on the project and called him “the Ty Pennington of Extreme Renewal) has to head over to the Alternative Worship Time in the other building so he probably won’t take as long. So this service will probably be the one I’ll make the presentation—if I do it at all. Just call me Gumby.
Now here’s the monologue (it’s from Luke 24:13-35 and comes from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife):
What a day. My feet ache. I’m so tired, but I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep.
First, it seemed so hopeless. There was such sadness and confusion among the followers of Jesus. We had such hope. We believed he was the one. But then came the cross. And he was gone.
Then this morning there were strange reports by some of the women. They said they had gone to the tomb and found it empty. It was said that Mary saw Jesus. That he talked to her. Peter reported it too. But it was so hard to understand. Our hearts were so torn…it was just too much. Cleopas said that we should just come home. So we did.
As we walked, we talked. Really I talked and talked. Cleopas says I chatter. I do that sometimes when I’m distressed. I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to know why. Why did the master have to leave us? Why wasn’t he the one to free us? Why did it end this way? Why would the women make up such a story? Why, why, why? There I go again…(deep breath).
So while we were walking and I was talking, this man walked up beside us. It nearly scared me to death. You just don’t do that. These aren’t safe days. And to just interrupt our conversation like he did was rude.
What we couldn’t believe was the question that he asked. What were we talking about? What else? Cleopas’ response was almost as rude as the stranger’s question: have you been sleeping under a rock these last three days? Cleopas told him that we were talking about Jesus, who was a prophet, and whom we had hoped would free us.
Now what came next had a strange tugging at my heart. The stranger became somewhat rude. He called us foolish and used Cleopas’ own word, saying that we were slow to believe all that the prophets had taught. Then he talked us through the scriptures showing us how Jesus truly was the fulfillment of all the promises.
By that time we arrived at the house. Cleopas is so generous; he invited the stranger to stay with us and have something to eat. He wanted to hear more. I did too, but I was tired and we hadn’t been home. I didn’t know what there was to eat.
I put some bread out and a few other things. The stranger took the bread, lifted it to toward heaven and as he blessed it and broke it---we had seen him break the bread that fed the thousands. We had seen him break bread with the disciples…It was Jesus—but just as his name was about to come to our lips---he was gone.
He disappeared. It was Jesus. That’s why my heart was so moved as he talked of the promises. Cleoplas and I stood there for a moment and then we both headed for the door. We ran all the way back to Jerusalem. It was as if we were Elijah running from Mt. Carmel after witnessing the power of God.
When we got there we found the followers. We were so excited to tell them that we had seen Jesus. We had talked with him. The women were right. He had appeared to Peter too.
I felt badly that my despair had kept me from recognizing the Master. As I looked into his eyes all my questions seem to fall with the crumbs as he broke the bread. He walked with us and talked with us. He is alive and he wants us to know that he really did come to set us free.
What does your birthdate mean?
Ok, sometimes I do this things for fun. Sometimes there's stuff in them that applies to me. I have never taken one where it was so spot on that I sat there speechless...until now.
Here's what it said:
So here's what blew me away:
1. I'm extremely idealistic.
2. I'm an extrovert that does need to be around others. Though, I am finding that I also like the quiet of being alone.
3. My fixation on changing the world one person at a time was what drew me to Chaplaincy ministry and ultimately was my undoing...I crusade causes and sometimes see people as cause to crusade. Ick.
4. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me that I was easy to talk to or that they had never told that to anyone before. I wouldn't ever need to work again. Sigh.
5. Flexible--hah! I've so often said that I'm so flexible you should call me Gumby.
6. I hate my penchant for the dramatic.
7. What I could tell you about green...oh my!
8. The circle. I could write a book here and probably could. I came to embrace this symbol as a fundamental teaching tool about the balance of life and faith. I teach from it, preach from it, and refer to it all the time.
9. I don't know about September, but I may consider it!
Now here's a weird thing about this: Remeber the guy I work with who was making me crazy and who I finally decided I couldn't work with and wouldn't work for? That guy has the same birthdate as me.
Well, enough of that. The day is already slipping away and I want to suck the life out of every moment! TTFN
Here's what it said:
| Your Birthdate: April 9 |
 Your strength: Your go-with-the-flow flexibility Your weakness: Your flair for the over dramatic Your power color: Pine green Your power symbol: Circle Your power month: September |
What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
So here's what blew me away:
1. I'm extremely idealistic.
2. I'm an extrovert that does need to be around others. Though, I am finding that I also like the quiet of being alone.
3. My fixation on changing the world one person at a time was what drew me to Chaplaincy ministry and ultimately was my undoing...I crusade causes and sometimes see people as cause to crusade. Ick.
4. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me that I was easy to talk to or that they had never told that to anyone before. I wouldn't ever need to work again. Sigh.
5. Flexible--hah! I've so often said that I'm so flexible you should call me Gumby.
6. I hate my penchant for the dramatic.
7. What I could tell you about green...oh my!
8. The circle. I could write a book here and probably could. I came to embrace this symbol as a fundamental teaching tool about the balance of life and faith. I teach from it, preach from it, and refer to it all the time.
9. I don't know about September, but I may consider it!
Now here's a weird thing about this: Remeber the guy I work with who was making me crazy and who I finally decided I couldn't work with and wouldn't work for? That guy has the same birthdate as me.
Well, enough of that. The day is already slipping away and I want to suck the life out of every moment! TTFN
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Studdly Do Right
It’s Tuesday and for two days now I’ve been on the stud press machine. I have a few more aches and pains---okay, a lot more. My hands are sore and my right knee is aching quite a bit. But even still, I have a smile. I smile a lot more. I don’t have any idea what I’m doing tomorrow---it’s all an adventure!
I got an email from Pastor and here are the scriptures/themes he’s looking for monologues on:
***April 23 – The Two on the Road to Emmaus – Luke 224:13ff
April 30 – Jesus appears to the disciples and to Thomas – John 20:12-29
May 7 – Jesus with his disciples results in the great catch of fish – John 21:1-14 cf. Luke 5:1-11
***May 14 – Jesus restores Peter – John 21:15-24
***May 21 – Five times the risen Christ presents the Great Commission. Focus on them. This is Faith Promise Sunday.
May 28 – The risen Jesus Ascends into Heaven. Acts 1:1-11
***June 4 – This is Pentecost Sunday, so we’ll do Acts 2 to begin our year long journey through Acts
***June 11 – The continuing presence of the risen Christ in His Church – Rev. 1 (Jesus walking among the “candlesticks”)
I got this email this afternoon and I’ve been giving some thought to which texts I’m going to write on. I think I’m going to work with the ones that I put asterisks beside.
For Sunday, I’m going to do the monologue from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife. The biblical account of the Emmaus encounter with the risen Christ says that he comes upon two disciples and names one, Cleopas. The very fact that they don’t name the other makes me wonder if it might have been his wife---quite often women went nameless. So, she’s going to recount the story. I’ll share it with you when it’s all done.
I have a lot of ideas for Peter. I just want to be sure to get someone who can really present the piece dramatically---aka: not be afraid to cry. Nelson would do so wonderfully, but already told me that he couldn’t see himself hobbling up there.
For the piece on the 5 presentations of the Great Commission, I’m thinking of a reader’s theater—maybe.
Pentacost will be a recounting that comes from a woman in the crowed. And I don’t have a clue about the last one, but I’m sure it will stretch me.
This continues to be an exciting time for me. Maybe you caught that!
I got an email from Pastor and here are the scriptures/themes he’s looking for monologues on:
***April 23 – The Two on the Road to Emmaus – Luke 224:13ff
April 30 – Jesus appears to the disciples and to Thomas – John 20:12-29
May 7 – Jesus with his disciples results in the great catch of fish – John 21:1-14 cf. Luke 5:1-11
***May 14 – Jesus restores Peter – John 21:15-24
***May 21 – Five times the risen Christ presents the Great Commission. Focus on them. This is Faith Promise Sunday.
May 28 – The risen Jesus Ascends into Heaven. Acts 1:1-11
***June 4 – This is Pentecost Sunday, so we’ll do Acts 2 to begin our year long journey through Acts
***June 11 – The continuing presence of the risen Christ in His Church – Rev. 1 (Jesus walking among the “candlesticks”)
I got this email this afternoon and I’ve been giving some thought to which texts I’m going to write on. I think I’m going to work with the ones that I put asterisks beside.
For Sunday, I’m going to do the monologue from the perspective of Cleopas’ wife. The biblical account of the Emmaus encounter with the risen Christ says that he comes upon two disciples and names one, Cleopas. The very fact that they don’t name the other makes me wonder if it might have been his wife---quite often women went nameless. So, she’s going to recount the story. I’ll share it with you when it’s all done.
I have a lot of ideas for Peter. I just want to be sure to get someone who can really present the piece dramatically---aka: not be afraid to cry. Nelson would do so wonderfully, but already told me that he couldn’t see himself hobbling up there.
For the piece on the 5 presentations of the Great Commission, I’m thinking of a reader’s theater—maybe.
Pentacost will be a recounting that comes from a woman in the crowed. And I don’t have a clue about the last one, but I’m sure it will stretch me.
This continues to be an exciting time for me. Maybe you caught that!
Sunday, April 16, 2006
TIme For Change?
In A Welcome Field
He walks the furrowed row of earth scattering his seed,
Working all alone against the dust and the heat,
Looking to the distance and the acres left to sow,
Hoping for a harvest in each handful he throws.
Some will fall along the pathway
Where the root will not take’
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
The Father sows His Word like a farmer sows his seed;
It falls where hearts are hardened and gets choked by the weeds,
In places it will blossom and a crop of life will start
If the seeds of truth are planted deep in the heart.
Some will fall along the pathway,
Where the root will not take;
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
This was a rough week for me at work. Tuesday I wrote about some of my frustration. I deleted the entry because I just felt like a complainer, and I was afraid that the company eavesdropper might be lurking around the corner. Then I couldn’t believe it, but it got worse on Wednesday! I ended up writing a letter to Ed to formerly request a different placement. Then on Thursday and Friday I worked alone.
As much as I enjoy working with the folks in my workspace, there is one thing I definitely like about working alone. I grab my CD player and jam to the music I want to listen to. One of the CD’s I grabbed was a Fernando Ortega. I like his style and stuff.
Above is one of the songs I listened to by Ortega. I was so impressed by the song that I was very close to changing the name of my diary to Welcome Field. I have loved the parable of the soils. I was totally impacted by Godspell’s presentation of the story. I want to be the welcoming and producing soil. I have a lot to work on to make that real—but work I will.
On Thursday I started listening to some Josh Groban and then followed it with a CD I had gotten a while back but not listened to: The Best of Simon and Garfunkle. It was fun to listen to the "old" songs and remember where I was when the first came out (sure made me feel old). But another thing I realized was the strong impact those songs and those words had on my faith and my self-esteem. Wow.
So that had me thinking (especially in light of my Welcome Field thoughts...): what had I been doing to be a welcome field. As much as I enjoyed the trip down Memory Lane, I decided I needed a better musical diet, so I fed my spirit many more hours of praise-full music. And I noticed, quite clearly, a distinct shift in my mood and in my productivitiy--a change clearly for the good.
And on another note...at the end of worship service this morning Pastor came up to me and asked me if I was still interested in writing some monologues to be used as sermon helps. Interested? Abosolutely!!!! So he's going to give me some of the biblical characters that his sermons are going to focus on and I'm going to get busy! I'm so excited. This is going to be fun.
Oh, wait and one more really super thing happened today: one of my mostest favoritest professors taught our Sunday School class. I felt like a learner again. I've missed feeling that way. It's a good attitude to take into my new writing adventure!
How am I going to sleep tonight?
He walks the furrowed row of earth scattering his seed,
Working all alone against the dust and the heat,
Looking to the distance and the acres left to sow,
Hoping for a harvest in each handful he throws.
Some will fall along the pathway
Where the root will not take’
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
The Father sows His Word like a farmer sows his seed;
It falls where hearts are hardened and gets choked by the weeds,
In places it will blossom and a crop of life will start
If the seeds of truth are planted deep in the heart.
Some will fall along the pathway,
Where the root will not take;
Some the birds will steal;
Some will fall into the good ground
And flourish in the life found
In a welcome field.
This was a rough week for me at work. Tuesday I wrote about some of my frustration. I deleted the entry because I just felt like a complainer, and I was afraid that the company eavesdropper might be lurking around the corner. Then I couldn’t believe it, but it got worse on Wednesday! I ended up writing a letter to Ed to formerly request a different placement. Then on Thursday and Friday I worked alone.
As much as I enjoy working with the folks in my workspace, there is one thing I definitely like about working alone. I grab my CD player and jam to the music I want to listen to. One of the CD’s I grabbed was a Fernando Ortega. I like his style and stuff.
Above is one of the songs I listened to by Ortega. I was so impressed by the song that I was very close to changing the name of my diary to Welcome Field. I have loved the parable of the soils. I was totally impacted by Godspell’s presentation of the story. I want to be the welcoming and producing soil. I have a lot to work on to make that real—but work I will.
On Thursday I started listening to some Josh Groban and then followed it with a CD I had gotten a while back but not listened to: The Best of Simon and Garfunkle. It was fun to listen to the "old" songs and remember where I was when the first came out (sure made me feel old). But another thing I realized was the strong impact those songs and those words had on my faith and my self-esteem. Wow.
So that had me thinking (especially in light of my Welcome Field thoughts...): what had I been doing to be a welcome field. As much as I enjoyed the trip down Memory Lane, I decided I needed a better musical diet, so I fed my spirit many more hours of praise-full music. And I noticed, quite clearly, a distinct shift in my mood and in my productivitiy--a change clearly for the good.
And on another note...at the end of worship service this morning Pastor came up to me and asked me if I was still interested in writing some monologues to be used as sermon helps. Interested? Abosolutely!!!! So he's going to give me some of the biblical characters that his sermons are going to focus on and I'm going to get busy! I'm so excited. This is going to be fun.
Oh, wait and one more really super thing happened today: one of my mostest favoritest professors taught our Sunday School class. I felt like a learner again. I've missed feeling that way. It's a good attitude to take into my new writing adventure!
How am I going to sleep tonight?
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Happy Birthday to Me
It’s my birthday. I am 49 today. I started the day off at church. I sang a solo, “Broken and Spilled Out.” It’s the first solo I’ve sung at this new church. It was received well. Three of us in our Sunday School class share this birthday so Nelson and I provided bakery decorated (yummy) cake (one white and chocolate) for our class. I read from Dr. Suess’ “Happy Birthday to You.” It was fun. After class Nelson took me to lunch at Ruby Tuesday. We went there because there was a $5 coupon in the paper yesterday. I had ribs---they were luscious and melted in my mouth…mmmmmmmmmm!
Last week Nelson and I went and purchased a new washer and dryer since ours was barely limping along. This was my birthday present. They’re Maytag, quiet, and wonderful. I’m quite happy. Nelson also bought me a Pooh pendant/locket watch. It’s quite pretty. Beth got me some Glade scented oil candles. They’re so nice. They make me feel pampered. Ann (and the kids) were here this week and she cleaned my refrigerator (quite a needed and awesomely appreciated gift).
Yesterday I went to a rummage sale and got a bag of clothes for $2. I got 6 summer shirts and a faux suede skirt (that I wore to church this morning). I’m wearing my Pooh sweatshirt that has a big 49 on it. It says “Pooh Cuteness.” It fits in many ways!
Now I’m going to relax, watch baseball and the race. This evening, as is our denominations tradition, we will be having a three-fold communion service. It will be my first since joining the church. I’m looking forward to it.
I celebrate life today. I celebrate friends. I celebrate my faith. I celebrate---just because I can! Blessings to you and on you! Hugs and Hershey kisses.
Last week Nelson and I went and purchased a new washer and dryer since ours was barely limping along. This was my birthday present. They’re Maytag, quiet, and wonderful. I’m quite happy. Nelson also bought me a Pooh pendant/locket watch. It’s quite pretty. Beth got me some Glade scented oil candles. They’re so nice. They make me feel pampered. Ann (and the kids) were here this week and she cleaned my refrigerator (quite a needed and awesomely appreciated gift).
Yesterday I went to a rummage sale and got a bag of clothes for $2. I got 6 summer shirts and a faux suede skirt (that I wore to church this morning). I’m wearing my Pooh sweatshirt that has a big 49 on it. It says “Pooh Cuteness.” It fits in many ways!
Now I’m going to relax, watch baseball and the race. This evening, as is our denominations tradition, we will be having a three-fold communion service. It will be my first since joining the church. I’m looking forward to it.
I celebrate life today. I celebrate friends. I celebrate my faith. I celebrate---just because I can! Blessings to you and on you! Hugs and Hershey kisses.
Sunday, April 02, 2006
30+1
Tonight is my 30+1 class reunion. And I feel like such a kid: a bundle up muddle of mixed emotions.
Recently I’ve spent some time looking over photos and annuals. I was trying to remember faces and events. I came away with many smiles, but also with some sadness.
I moved the summer between 8th and 9th grades. I was really just connecting with a lot of people in junior high and was really excited about the transition to high school. Then my dad announced that we were moving. Devastation barely describes the deep of my newly discovered teenage angst.
We moved from a quaint small town to eastern suburb of Columbus, Ohio. It was culture shock, plain and simple. Dad had found a brand new subdivision and bought one of the first homes built. We were now on the out edge of the world so it seemed with no one around us. I had no opportunity to make any friends before school started. I was totally alone and terrified.
I remember those first steps on campus. As I walked toward one of the buildings the cement sidewalk seemed to double in size, or was that just me shrinking in my fright? Providence, in retrospect, clearly had a hand in what happened next for the first connection I made was band.
My peer group for the next four years was located pretty much within the confines of the band and choir. From that pool there was a subset of people that were closely associated with the academic challenge team (In the Know as the program was then called on TV) that I was particularly close to.
Nelson teases me about being boy crazy. For a long time I denied that, but my recent walk down Memory Lane confirms his observation and a few other things I’m not very proud of. I desperately wanted to be loved, but was involved in two types (maybe three) of relationships. In one I was constantly pursuing relationships I couldn’t have, guys that were “too good” for me, weren’t interested, or in one case: bad boys. Then there were the relationships that I took the role of manipulator. I was in control and control I did. The last relationship was one I could have but never felt worthy to have. It was such an on again off again thing. There was deep love and an almost spiritual connection, but I never seemed to be able to sustain it.
Needless to say with all this going on I was labeled quite the flirt. I hurt way too many feelings and garnered a deserved but disdained reputation. I lost most all of my girlfriends over it and couldn’t trust the guys to be really caring about me as a person. I was pretty miserable. I wish I could say things improved when I moved on to college, but it was the same song next verse with an interesting bridge.
There have been many times I have said that there isn’t enough money in the world for me to go back and be a teenager again. I’ve repented of that hasty remark—after all, there’s a lot of good I could do with that money. I’ve also said I’d go back if I could know what I know now. In my reflection this week, I decided I probably did know a lot of what I know now. I would just need to trust it enough to do it.
So I started thinking about the three lessons I would take back with me if I could do it all over again. And I think I came up with a pretty good short list. First, I would put my girlfriends first. I wasted so much energy and heart chasing boys to find some kind of completion and hurt the people who really knew, understood, and loved me unconditionally. Relationships with girlfriends last. Then, I would either tattoo it or get a huge poster and hang it on my wall that I amazingly talented, extraordinary, intelligent, and wise. I never believed I could do anything. I never really got any encouragement to do anything, to be anyone. I thought I was destined to be a runner up. I couldn’t even finish first in a contest of one. I never really applied myself—what was the point? Such an unfair untruth. And finally, I would start to savor the moment much, much earlier. I spent so much time and energy rushing to get ahead, arrive somewhere, that I missed the treasure of the current. I know this because I absolutely love staring into Asher’s face, cooing with him, noticing every change and nuance. I must have done this some with the girls, but not near enough.
Well, it’s time to get ready. I’ll let you know how it goes.
It went wonderfully. We were all showing off pictures of kids and/or grandkids. There was lots less hair and bigger bellies. The old adage that people don’t change was quite true for some—many in fact. And a couple of the guys that I just thought were the hottest things breathing when we were in high school just lost some of that luster over the years. I just made me smile.
One of the best parts of the evening was reconnecting with one of my very dearest friends. We had stayed in touch until 1989 and then life happened. Seeing her was wonderful. We will stay better in touch now.
The other best part was the hug and dance I got from one of my greatest high school sweethearts. He will always own a piece of my heart. What really surprised me was how I melted when he took my hand. Out on the dance floor we swayed to a classic Barry Manilow song, “Looks Like We Made It.” Time vanished and it was 1973 again. My heart is so happy that life is good for him right now.
Bottom line: I almost didn’t go. Our car broke down yesterday. I had a migraine on Friday. I was starting to wonder why so much seemed to be saying not to go? But I’m am so glad I went. I am very, very thankful that a couple people took on this fete and gave us a wonderful evening.
Now we look forward to 2010. The pictures should be quite interesting then!
Recently I’ve spent some time looking over photos and annuals. I was trying to remember faces and events. I came away with many smiles, but also with some sadness.
I moved the summer between 8th and 9th grades. I was really just connecting with a lot of people in junior high and was really excited about the transition to high school. Then my dad announced that we were moving. Devastation barely describes the deep of my newly discovered teenage angst.
We moved from a quaint small town to eastern suburb of Columbus, Ohio. It was culture shock, plain and simple. Dad had found a brand new subdivision and bought one of the first homes built. We were now on the out edge of the world so it seemed with no one around us. I had no opportunity to make any friends before school started. I was totally alone and terrified.
I remember those first steps on campus. As I walked toward one of the buildings the cement sidewalk seemed to double in size, or was that just me shrinking in my fright? Providence, in retrospect, clearly had a hand in what happened next for the first connection I made was band.
My peer group for the next four years was located pretty much within the confines of the band and choir. From that pool there was a subset of people that were closely associated with the academic challenge team (In the Know as the program was then called on TV) that I was particularly close to.
Nelson teases me about being boy crazy. For a long time I denied that, but my recent walk down Memory Lane confirms his observation and a few other things I’m not very proud of. I desperately wanted to be loved, but was involved in two types (maybe three) of relationships. In one I was constantly pursuing relationships I couldn’t have, guys that were “too good” for me, weren’t interested, or in one case: bad boys. Then there were the relationships that I took the role of manipulator. I was in control and control I did. The last relationship was one I could have but never felt worthy to have. It was such an on again off again thing. There was deep love and an almost spiritual connection, but I never seemed to be able to sustain it.
Needless to say with all this going on I was labeled quite the flirt. I hurt way too many feelings and garnered a deserved but disdained reputation. I lost most all of my girlfriends over it and couldn’t trust the guys to be really caring about me as a person. I was pretty miserable. I wish I could say things improved when I moved on to college, but it was the same song next verse with an interesting bridge.
There have been many times I have said that there isn’t enough money in the world for me to go back and be a teenager again. I’ve repented of that hasty remark—after all, there’s a lot of good I could do with that money. I’ve also said I’d go back if I could know what I know now. In my reflection this week, I decided I probably did know a lot of what I know now. I would just need to trust it enough to do it.
So I started thinking about the three lessons I would take back with me if I could do it all over again. And I think I came up with a pretty good short list. First, I would put my girlfriends first. I wasted so much energy and heart chasing boys to find some kind of completion and hurt the people who really knew, understood, and loved me unconditionally. Relationships with girlfriends last. Then, I would either tattoo it or get a huge poster and hang it on my wall that I amazingly talented, extraordinary, intelligent, and wise. I never believed I could do anything. I never really got any encouragement to do anything, to be anyone. I thought I was destined to be a runner up. I couldn’t even finish first in a contest of one. I never really applied myself—what was the point? Such an unfair untruth. And finally, I would start to savor the moment much, much earlier. I spent so much time and energy rushing to get ahead, arrive somewhere, that I missed the treasure of the current. I know this because I absolutely love staring into Asher’s face, cooing with him, noticing every change and nuance. I must have done this some with the girls, but not near enough.
Well, it’s time to get ready. I’ll let you know how it goes.
It went wonderfully. We were all showing off pictures of kids and/or grandkids. There was lots less hair and bigger bellies. The old adage that people don’t change was quite true for some—many in fact. And a couple of the guys that I just thought were the hottest things breathing when we were in high school just lost some of that luster over the years. I just made me smile.
One of the best parts of the evening was reconnecting with one of my very dearest friends. We had stayed in touch until 1989 and then life happened. Seeing her was wonderful. We will stay better in touch now.
The other best part was the hug and dance I got from one of my greatest high school sweethearts. He will always own a piece of my heart. What really surprised me was how I melted when he took my hand. Out on the dance floor we swayed to a classic Barry Manilow song, “Looks Like We Made It.” Time vanished and it was 1973 again. My heart is so happy that life is good for him right now.
Bottom line: I almost didn’t go. Our car broke down yesterday. I had a migraine on Friday. I was starting to wonder why so much seemed to be saying not to go? But I’m am so glad I went. I am very, very thankful that a couple people took on this fete and gave us a wonderful evening.
Now we look forward to 2010. The pictures should be quite interesting then!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Writing Idea
Kick But
This week an idea came to me while I was working out. I think well in the morning and the endorphins must have really been flowing this day.
Anyway, my mind started playing with word pictures. I do this quite often. When I’m walking or driving I’ll just start down this trail chasing thoughts and words, it’s kind of fun really. Some of the ideas would make great devotionals but I tend not to write them down and they just float off never to be shared.
Today, I decided to challenge that pattern and I wrote down what I was thinking! So here’s the way it went:
I set the machine at a more difficult level and was really feeling like it was “kicking my butt.” And that phrase began to trip around my mind.
Kick “but” out of here. Peter in Acts 10, when confronted by his vision responded with “Yes Lord, but…” I have often preached that you can’t do both: He is either Lord or not, there is no room for a “but” in following Him.
Get your butt out of here. From physical temple concept of caring for one’s body. I carry around way to much butt and that’s because I sit on it when I should be exercising it. I eat poorly, wrong food, wrong times, wrong reasons. I am responsible for the shape my shape is in and I am trying to act more responsibly and kick that butt out of here!
Another but out, came as I was thinking about where I stick my nose. Isn’t that a weird one? We stick our nose in someone else’s business and we’re told to butt out. Anyway, I had to think about where I’ve butted in and where I need to stop and how many conversations I don’t need to be a part of.
Put your butt out. Thinking of prayer posture. This thought came to me during a particularly moving praise song. Part of me wanted to stop and just fall prostrate on the floor—but since my time was running (and running out before work) I prostrated myself in my heart and remembered that falling at the feet of God is not such a bad spot to be, and if he spanks my behind while I’m there—I probably deserve it!
So then a couple days later while listening to music and working out another word play came to mind: rain and reign. And then a dim little bulb clicked on in my brain: what about writing these down—you know like in a book. (Novel idea: hahahahaha) I love word plays. I love writing devotionally. I could write a book and call it: Homonyms for the Heart. I liked the idea so much that I even started to do some research on homonyms. There’s quite a list. My mind was racing so fast that my fingers couldn’t keep up.
Anyway, I’m just a little excited about this. Then I got this really cool idea: maybe the people I know have some ideas to share. So if you do email me and I will consider adding your thought to my collection. Now excuse me, I have some research to do!
This week an idea came to me while I was working out. I think well in the morning and the endorphins must have really been flowing this day.
Anyway, my mind started playing with word pictures. I do this quite often. When I’m walking or driving I’ll just start down this trail chasing thoughts and words, it’s kind of fun really. Some of the ideas would make great devotionals but I tend not to write them down and they just float off never to be shared.
Today, I decided to challenge that pattern and I wrote down what I was thinking! So here’s the way it went:
I set the machine at a more difficult level and was really feeling like it was “kicking my butt.” And that phrase began to trip around my mind.
Kick “but” out of here. Peter in Acts 10, when confronted by his vision responded with “Yes Lord, but…” I have often preached that you can’t do both: He is either Lord or not, there is no room for a “but” in following Him.
Get your butt out of here. From physical temple concept of caring for one’s body. I carry around way to much butt and that’s because I sit on it when I should be exercising it. I eat poorly, wrong food, wrong times, wrong reasons. I am responsible for the shape my shape is in and I am trying to act more responsibly and kick that butt out of here!
Another but out, came as I was thinking about where I stick my nose. Isn’t that a weird one? We stick our nose in someone else’s business and we’re told to butt out. Anyway, I had to think about where I’ve butted in and where I need to stop and how many conversations I don’t need to be a part of.
Put your butt out. Thinking of prayer posture. This thought came to me during a particularly moving praise song. Part of me wanted to stop and just fall prostrate on the floor—but since my time was running (and running out before work) I prostrated myself in my heart and remembered that falling at the feet of God is not such a bad spot to be, and if he spanks my behind while I’m there—I probably deserve it!
So then a couple days later while listening to music and working out another word play came to mind: rain and reign. And then a dim little bulb clicked on in my brain: what about writing these down—you know like in a book. (Novel idea: hahahahaha) I love word plays. I love writing devotionally. I could write a book and call it: Homonyms for the Heart. I liked the idea so much that I even started to do some research on homonyms. There’s quite a list. My mind was racing so fast that my fingers couldn’t keep up.
Anyway, I’m just a little excited about this. Then I got this really cool idea: maybe the people I know have some ideas to share. So if you do email me and I will consider adding your thought to my collection. Now excuse me, I have some research to do!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Round About
Friday I got up early and went in to work. I worked out for 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I really liked the machine—I felt like I got a wonderful workout and nothing hurt (like knees or hips).
Saturday I walked in the afternoon. I just took off out of the house and 50 minutes later I got home. It was such a beautiful day I just kept walking. My feet didn’t even hurt!
I rested from exercise on Sunday.
This morning I got up and went in for another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still like it.
I was thinking when I was walking on Saturday. I do that sometimes. I learned that one of my closest friends from High School is a professor of cardiology at the University of Michigan. Another friend is an associate professor and associate dean at the University of Connecticut. Another is Director of the Northern Illinois University School of Music.
When I learned these things, my first thoughts were sad and regret-filled. Imagine that. Then my thoughts took a turn. Instead of continuing down Bemoaning Avenue, I headed straight towards Gratitudeville.
Instead of dwelling on what isn’t or what might have been, I began to consider what I had done. I’ve taught at three seminaries, amongst a whole list of other accomplishments. I was a pastor/chaplain/counselor for a total of 21 years and I was good at what I did. I don’t mean that arrogantly, but I have worked hard on being able to own that. One of the most powerful things ever said about me was said by my chaplain supervisor when he said (in an evaluation) that I was “good for people.”
I may never know who’s life I touched at the right time in the right way because I chose to be faithful in spite of the “smallness” of the assignment. I may be only making hoses right now, but I may not see why I am here doing what I am doing, I have to believe that there is purpose and continued plans for me.
On the tale end of that whole set of thinkings came a thought that sort of tickled me. The core issue is widely debated in theological circles—a debate I chose to stay out of for many reasons, the main one being I think we use a whole lot of time (not necessarily to be confused with waste) debating that could be used to creatively bring us together rather than drive us apart.
Anyway…here’s the thought: If it was ordained (or pre-ordained) that I should be ordained, was it ordained that I become un-ordained? And if so why? And trust me, the question is rhetorical. I’m not looking for an answer. And I’ll tell you why: I’ll stand with Job on this one: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. It’s not my place to argue, or even understand. However, whenever he wants to use me I’m there and I’ll try not to muck it up too badly this time.
Well, I fell asleep last night while writing this one. I’m still trying to get up at 4:30 and that’s hard when the shows I like are on at 9 and 10. Getting up early has definitely curbed my TV viewing time.
So I’m off to the elliptical…see you around…..
Saturday I walked in the afternoon. I just took off out of the house and 50 minutes later I got home. It was such a beautiful day I just kept walking. My feet didn’t even hurt!
I rested from exercise on Sunday.
This morning I got up and went in for another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still like it.
I was thinking when I was walking on Saturday. I do that sometimes. I learned that one of my closest friends from High School is a professor of cardiology at the University of Michigan. Another friend is an associate professor and associate dean at the University of Connecticut. Another is Director of the Northern Illinois University School of Music.
When I learned these things, my first thoughts were sad and regret-filled. Imagine that. Then my thoughts took a turn. Instead of continuing down Bemoaning Avenue, I headed straight towards Gratitudeville.
Instead of dwelling on what isn’t or what might have been, I began to consider what I had done. I’ve taught at three seminaries, amongst a whole list of other accomplishments. I was a pastor/chaplain/counselor for a total of 21 years and I was good at what I did. I don’t mean that arrogantly, but I have worked hard on being able to own that. One of the most powerful things ever said about me was said by my chaplain supervisor when he said (in an evaluation) that I was “good for people.”
I may never know who’s life I touched at the right time in the right way because I chose to be faithful in spite of the “smallness” of the assignment. I may be only making hoses right now, but I may not see why I am here doing what I am doing, I have to believe that there is purpose and continued plans for me.
On the tale end of that whole set of thinkings came a thought that sort of tickled me. The core issue is widely debated in theological circles—a debate I chose to stay out of for many reasons, the main one being I think we use a whole lot of time (not necessarily to be confused with waste) debating that could be used to creatively bring us together rather than drive us apart.
Anyway…here’s the thought: If it was ordained (or pre-ordained) that I should be ordained, was it ordained that I become un-ordained? And if so why? And trust me, the question is rhetorical. I’m not looking for an answer. And I’ll tell you why: I’ll stand with Job on this one: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. It’s not my place to argue, or even understand. However, whenever he wants to use me I’m there and I’ll try not to muck it up too badly this time.
Well, I fell asleep last night while writing this one. I’m still trying to get up at 4:30 and that’s hard when the shows I like are on at 9 and 10. Getting up early has definitely curbed my TV viewing time.
So I’m off to the elliptical…see you around…..
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