Wisdom and Chimes

Okay. I’m 48. I don’t feel as old as that sounds. Well, sort of. I worked really hard today and I’m walking like an 80 year old woman: stiff and slow. Here’s an idea of how hard I’ve worked: the team came back to work on Thursday last week and we did 480 parts. On Friday we upped that to 816. Today we did 1254!

But back to being 48. I was thinking about how fast the time has gone. I reflected on some of the really stupid things I’ve done and the big mistakes I’ve made. That got sort of depressing so I decided to think about some of the wisdom that has come with 48 years of living. Here’s some of it:

-First, I have figured out that it’s okay to be 48. That probably doesn’t sound like much, but a few years ago when I lost my career and seemingly my future I couldn’t say that or imagine it. Quite honestly, I was afraid. I didn’t know how to be anything other than what I was: a pastor and a counselor. I had done thinking service oriented jobs all my working days as an adult. What was I going to do? At nearly 50, how was I going to start all over? I had no idea what God had in store.

-I used to compare myself to weebles and Gumby. But I am not either. I’m not Wonder Woman either. Remember Weebles? “Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down.” They might not, but I know how to: get arrogant, think your indispensable, avoid accountability, compartmentalize life, and ignore the wise counsel of caring friends—oh and think you’re perfect or need to be perfect and therefore fail to ask for help because of how vulnerable that will make you look.

I’m also not Gumby. It’s good to be flexible, but absolutes do exist and need to be heeded. It’s okay to say no and enough. Boundaries are necessary.

As for Wonder Woman…I would look horrible in the costume but beyond that the only super power I have comes from God.

Well, that’s about as profound as I can get these days. My job is making me weary. I haven’t worked full-time since October 2001. Back then I could and did run myself to death. I tried to function on little to know sleep. I’ve had a couple jobs since then, but they were part-time and really not that difficult.

My job now is also physically demanding. As a pastor and counselor my jobs were more emotionally and cerebrally challenging. The last few nights I took a mild sleeping aid so that I wouldn’t wake up forty times with the pain in my shoulders and arm and the numbness in my right hand. I think it will get better as I get more in shape. My hand is less numb this week than last!

That sounds a lot like I’m complaining. I’m not. I honestly enjoy my job—for the most part. Ed keeps commenting on how pleased he is that I’m on top of things. I just somehow to be able to be one thought ahead of him. My biggest blooper today was that I forgot to order bubble wrap. It’s not where everything else is and I overlooked it. Fortunately, the company we order from can get it here tomorrow. Crisis averted!
I was thinking today of how I could put the 21 year old on a point sheet. The place I used to work was an agency that worked with kids in out of home placements. In our group homes the behavior system was point based: earn for positive behavior and loose for negative. I was thinking, “Yeah, I’ll put her on a point sheet and then she’ll see all the problems I see.

About that time that annoying little chime sound went off in my head. The one that sounds when I’m missing the point. Do you ever hear that? Anyway, I remembered another part of the point strategy. This behavior system was founded on positive praise and it’s ability to shape behavior. So the strategy for the “teaching parents” (and all others working with the kids) was to strive to have a ratio of 4:1. Four positives for every negative. You literally had to catch the kid doing four things right for every time you pointed out a negative. That’s not always easy. The trick (I mean strategy) was then to create opportunities for the youth to earn the positive praise and thereby avoid the negative. The more positives earned the better the youth feels, the more privileges they earn, and the sooner they get to move out of the group home.

So back to the 21 year old. I’m thinking of the many ways I can point out all her errors when that chime sounds and I am face to face with the fact that I hadn’t been pointing out the things she was doing well. I wasn’t looking because I was so irritated with her for all her screw ups. Okay, okay. Note to self: watch for (create if necessary) opportunities to praise the 21 year old. I’ll report back later as to how we’re doing.

Well, the 21 year old that lives in my house requested spicy Chinese rice for supper (it’s loaded with chicken and broccoli too) so I better get to it…or it will be bedtime before I know it.