Crazy

I needed today, no really, I wanted today to go smoothly. It was our second day running two lines. Today’s test was running two different parts. We were short on help and one of the workers who was there was sick with an absessed tooth and had to duck out to see the dentist for a few hours, but I figured we’d make it work. We were able to get 1800 parts done. That’s impressive. I wish I could feel good about the day.

I don’t like the way I’m feeling. I thought I was over this…beyond this. Hi, my name is Tina and I’m a perfectionist. I hate it. It can be a strength: it helps me be effective and get things done. But on day’s like today, it makes me crazy and sick to my stomach. (Insert big sigh.)
Let me try to explain what happened. I HAD to make the part boxes for the second line. It moves twice as fast as the other line and no one else can keep up like I can. I even work ahead. Since I had to do that I had to trust someone else to put the labels on the packing cartons. This is where things started to fall apart.

I think I’ve owned that one of my HUGE flaws is that I try to do everything. I learned that from my mother. She never delegated. I never learned to cook because I would make a mess in her kitchen. I never did laundry because it was easier for her to do it than to teach me and trust me. I never learned to sew. I never cleaned house. And on and on. One of her pithy little life sayings was: if you want something done right, do it yourself. I learned that lesson way too well.

So for me, learning to delagate and trust others has been a stretching experience. I have a couple guys at work I really trust. I’ve been trying to include others in that. Today that nearly proved a HUGERIFFIC mistake.
I have worked hard to create a system that is checked and balanced against itself so that if something isn’t right it will show up BEFORE we ship anything out. My system collapsed today.

It’s so not hard. I’ve explained the importance of keeping it straight. I’ve harped. I’ve snapped. I’ve tested. I’ve begged. Today I raised my voice and used a couple of explitives. One of the guys I trust and I had to go through all the completed and ready to ship pallets to try and find the mistake. I still have to lids with paperwork attached that don’t match anything.
The problem is that the problem isn’t fixed. I don’t handle that well. I would have stayed to fix it but two guys needed rides back to T-Net. I called the shipping clerk to make sure that the pallets weren’t being shipped out today or in the morning so that I could fix it when I get there in the morning tomorrow.

I want to fix it now. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I’m playing the stupid ‘if only’ game in my head. If only I would have kept a closer eye on the guy doing the labels. If only I would have staffed the work area differently someone else would have been doing the labels. If only I had planned better I could have made boxes and done labels….now wait! That’s ridiculous…but I’m still battling with those thoughts. (Insert even bigger sigh.)

Ed is a very wise man. He’s the production manager. He walked up to me while I was going through the finished pallets trying to find and fix the problem. He asked one question: doing an internal audit? He let me know that it was good that I caught the problem before it left the building. I want to feel good about that too, but I’m too busy feeling bad that it happened at all.

Isn’t that just crazy? Sure feels crazy to me. I don’t like feeling crazy. The situation is screwed up---I wish I could stop feeling like a screw-up. I know I’m not, but I am sure feeling that way. That’s pretty crazy, too.