I came here in 2004. It was a rough time in my life and I want to chronicle and process it. I have made some good friends here and I treasure them. But I also have live friends...and an enemy.
Last night at dinner my friend told me how a malevolent woman takes the things I write and spews venom and lies. I wouldn't think much of it, but it seems that her viciousness overflows onto my friend and others. I do not want to give this pitiful woman any more fodder so I have decided to close out this blog.
Mary, I choose to not give you anything else to gossip and twist. Mary, you are one sad woman. You claim to be a God-fearing woman. Your actions completely betray your total lack of any understanding of grace or love. I pray that you read this entry and know that I have put you at the top of my prayer list. In case you miss this perhaps I'll make a copy, blow it up, and post it in the cafeteria like you did other personal information about me in an attempt to discredit and malign me.
To my friends and readers, thanks for your support and God bless.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Tah-rash Bags
(The title comes from one of my favorite A-Team episodes...I love it when a plan comes together.)
I was doing the happy dance today. I got a call from an employer that was interested in someone I contacted them about in December. A brand new employer!! He has some questions, but there’s a real possibility. I’m so excited. This guy has been so patient and has so much to offer. I have to send an email to the employer to answer his questions.
The class went well this morning. I started with the pots and followed with conflict management and then a piece out of the communication lesson link it to listening and responding. The thread holding it all together was the value we place on relationships. The conflict management piece focused on Win/Win vs. Win/Lose.
The class participation was good and they seemed to get it.
I went to dinner with a friend tonight. It was nice. Then we went out to Walmart to pick up a few things. I looked at the boots again and I just decided they weren’t me. Part of the problem I think was that I was really only interested in them because they were cheap and that’s not a good enough reason to buy them.
Oh, that reminds me of something I read to the class today. Let’s see if I can remember how it went…Americans spend more on trash bags than 90 of the 210 world countries spend on everything. That one just blew my mind. But make mine Flex Strength and excuse me while I go put my bags out at the curb—trash comes early in the morning.
I was doing the happy dance today. I got a call from an employer that was interested in someone I contacted them about in December. A brand new employer!! He has some questions, but there’s a real possibility. I’m so excited. This guy has been so patient and has so much to offer. I have to send an email to the employer to answer his questions.
The class went well this morning. I started with the pots and followed with conflict management and then a piece out of the communication lesson link it to listening and responding. The thread holding it all together was the value we place on relationships. The conflict management piece focused on Win/Win vs. Win/Lose.
The class participation was good and they seemed to get it.
I went to dinner with a friend tonight. It was nice. Then we went out to Walmart to pick up a few things. I looked at the boots again and I just decided they weren’t me. Part of the problem I think was that I was really only interested in them because they were cheap and that’s not a good enough reason to buy them.
Oh, that reminds me of something I read to the class today. Let’s see if I can remember how it went…Americans spend more on trash bags than 90 of the 210 world countries spend on everything. That one just blew my mind. But make mine Flex Strength and excuse me while I go put my bags out at the curb—trash comes early in the morning.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Tired
What a day. Not a bad day. Just a long day. Up early to do devotions for the Ashland work crew. I shared a lesson on reducing the hurry in our life and cultivating solitude and silence. It went pretty well. Then I was off to Sandusky. The roads were quite fine. I saw about 20 people at the Job Store and then went over to the homeless shelter and did a group orientation for three guys and follow up for 2 more. After that I ate lunch back at the Job Store and met with a participant to discuss his resume. I stopped at one factory and met the guy I’ve been faxing resumes and got lost looking for two more possible worksites.
When I finally got back to the office I parked my car and got wearily out. As I rounded the front of my car I heard a voice say, “Don’t look so tired, you have a full day of work ahead.” I turned to see my boss in his car heading to Norwalk for a meeting about our work site there and how we might grow it. I ended up standing there and talking to him for over five minutes, which may not seem like much but I had to pee so bad I had to concentrate so that I wasn’t doing the potty dance.
Right now I’m watching a Baby Einstein video with Asher. A lot of people grouse about how people use the TV as an electronic babysitter. Doesn’t happen at my house. When Asher wants to watch a movie he has to have company and we interact all the way through. Right now we’re watching about numbers.
Nelson sorta kinda talked to Ann tonight. She called with a tax question. She’s trying to help a friend with her taxes. I was functioning as the go between when I finally put the phone on speaker. He listened to her and gave answers. It wasn’t a personal conversation, but I’ll take any progress I can get. He also gave her some instructions about filing her taxes, too.
I’m teaching at our building in the morning. I’m going to use the pot idea. I’ll let you know how it goes.
When I finally got back to the office I parked my car and got wearily out. As I rounded the front of my car I heard a voice say, “Don’t look so tired, you have a full day of work ahead.” I turned to see my boss in his car heading to Norwalk for a meeting about our work site there and how we might grow it. I ended up standing there and talking to him for over five minutes, which may not seem like much but I had to pee so bad I had to concentrate so that I wasn’t doing the potty dance.
Right now I’m watching a Baby Einstein video with Asher. A lot of people grouse about how people use the TV as an electronic babysitter. Doesn’t happen at my house. When Asher wants to watch a movie he has to have company and we interact all the way through. Right now we’re watching about numbers.
Nelson sorta kinda talked to Ann tonight. She called with a tax question. She’s trying to help a friend with her taxes. I was functioning as the go between when I finally put the phone on speaker. He listened to her and gave answers. It wasn’t a personal conversation, but I’ll take any progress I can get. He also gave her some instructions about filing her taxes, too.
I’m teaching at our building in the morning. I’m going to use the pot idea. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Working through the fog
Winter returned this morning. My boss told me to suck it up, engage the 4 wheel drive, and get to Norwalk. So I did. On the way I decided that snow, fog, and blowing was way too much to deal with at one time. I ended up going about 30mph the whole way. The road didn’t really necessarily require that slow speed, but I was behind about a mile long line of traffic. The good news is that I arrived safe and on time. By the time I drove home, the only road hazard was blowing snow and even that wasn’t too bad. Bad news is that it’s still snowing and I have to drive to Sandusky tomorrow.
I spent a chunk of time this afternoon trying to come up with a resume and cover letter for a man who recently go t out of prison after serving 27 years. While he was incarcerated he finished his GED, and got both his Associate of Arts degree and his Bachelor of Science in Business Management. I really like the cover letter I wrote. I considered all different kinds and formats. I’m thinking that I may try and develop it like I would for someone just coming out of college. The similarity is that both have training but no work experience. I’m meeting with him tomorrow to discuss it.
Well, I’m going to watch the last few minutes of Biggest Loser and then hit the hay. Sweet dreams.
I spent a chunk of time this afternoon trying to come up with a resume and cover letter for a man who recently go t out of prison after serving 27 years. While he was incarcerated he finished his GED, and got both his Associate of Arts degree and his Bachelor of Science in Business Management. I really like the cover letter I wrote. I considered all different kinds and formats. I’m thinking that I may try and develop it like I would for someone just coming out of college. The similarity is that both have training but no work experience. I’m meeting with him tomorrow to discuss it.
Well, I’m going to watch the last few minutes of Biggest Loser and then hit the hay. Sweet dreams.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sweet Stuff
Sweet Oil Moment
I got to work and Beth was moaning about her ear aching. She was afraid she was yelling all day because it was so stopped up she couldn’t hear. She hit CVS on her way home and picked up some Sweet Oil. Did you know that Sweet Oil is just Olive Oil? I put some in her ear and had her put some cotton in, too. She’s already wanting to take it out. Silly girl.
This reminded me of when the girls were little, but it wasn’t Beth that had ear problems, it was Ann. Her ears would play ping pong with the infection. Often they would be so infected that they would just burst. I kept asking if that was a good thing. The doctors said not to worry. I was always afraid that there would be so much scar tissue from the bursting that it would affect her hearing. Fortunately, she out grew it before that happened.
I remembered when the girls were little and I was trying to get WIC for them. I ended up hoping that something would be wrong with them so that I could get them milk, cereal, and cheese. It was humiliating. In the end we got the staples because they determined that Ann had chronic ear infections—surprise, surprise! And Beth was undertall for her weight. Thankfully, they both outgrew their issues.
I ran out of hours today. I was working on bringing my files up to date. Oh, I forgot to announce it, but I accomplished one of the goals on my list. I put all my files in my filing cabinet. Yehaw!!! I also worked on organizing my teacher’s manual. It felt good. Hard stuff for someone who’s ‘P’-ness is pretty thorough. But it’s really quite nice to know where stuff is.
Winter has returned. It was a lazy snow all day with more on the way all week long. That doesn’t thrill me at all. Hope there’s some warmth and accomplishment in your day.
I got to work and Beth was moaning about her ear aching. She was afraid she was yelling all day because it was so stopped up she couldn’t hear. She hit CVS on her way home and picked up some Sweet Oil. Did you know that Sweet Oil is just Olive Oil? I put some in her ear and had her put some cotton in, too. She’s already wanting to take it out. Silly girl.
This reminded me of when the girls were little, but it wasn’t Beth that had ear problems, it was Ann. Her ears would play ping pong with the infection. Often they would be so infected that they would just burst. I kept asking if that was a good thing. The doctors said not to worry. I was always afraid that there would be so much scar tissue from the bursting that it would affect her hearing. Fortunately, she out grew it before that happened.
I remembered when the girls were little and I was trying to get WIC for them. I ended up hoping that something would be wrong with them so that I could get them milk, cereal, and cheese. It was humiliating. In the end we got the staples because they determined that Ann had chronic ear infections—surprise, surprise! And Beth was undertall for her weight. Thankfully, they both outgrew their issues.
I ran out of hours today. I was working on bringing my files up to date. Oh, I forgot to announce it, but I accomplished one of the goals on my list. I put all my files in my filing cabinet. Yehaw!!! I also worked on organizing my teacher’s manual. It felt good. Hard stuff for someone who’s ‘P’-ness is pretty thorough. But it’s really quite nice to know where stuff is.
Winter has returned. It was a lazy snow all day with more on the way all week long. That doesn’t thrill me at all. Hope there’s some warmth and accomplishment in your day.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Notes on A Sunday
Thoughts from my day:
We watched the Colts/Chargers game. I was impressed by the way that Billy Volek came in after the Chargers starting quarterback, Philip Rivers, went down with an injury late in the game. Volek even ran in a touchdown.
Nelson and I were talking about how Volek’s entire professional career he has been a back up quarterback. He’s played professionally in the NFL for 8 years. He was undrafted. His role has been to come on and take over a game when the starting quarterback goes down. Not a bad gig, and I’m sure the pay is pretty good, too.
Most people aren’t interested in signing on to be the back-up anything. But what if that’s your gift? What if you’re able to keep tabs on the game to such an acute degree that you could take over so smoothly that nothing was lost or wasted? Why not be the back up?
I’m thinking that I need to go dig out my Virginia Satir material. I was thinking in ABF during our discussion about optimism and negativity. I drew two pots on my paper and began to plan how to teach to thinking more about what we have instead of what we don’t have.
I’m going to either ask the group to draw two pots or give them a handout with two on it and ask them to fill the first pot with what they’re missing. Then I’m going to ask them to fill the second pot with what they have. I’m going to ask them to come up with a number (per centage) that represents how much time they spend focusing on each.
It’s just the beginning of the lesson, but I’m thinking I’ll move on to teach to restoring hope, what is enough, and the things we can and can’t change. I’m probably going to try and pull up the whole Serenity Prayer…I really like the part we don’t pay attention to:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
And with that I think I’ll toddle off to bed. Oh and Beth checked out the boots. She didn’t like either pair. She did however see the pair that was just plain black leather (just like the black suede ones) and thought they were cute. Now, I have to decide: to spend or spend on something else.
Also, tomorrow, Nelson and I are going to give up coffee and start down the green tea road. Anybody else doing this? TTFN.
We watched the Colts/Chargers game. I was impressed by the way that Billy Volek came in after the Chargers starting quarterback, Philip Rivers, went down with an injury late in the game. Volek even ran in a touchdown.
Nelson and I were talking about how Volek’s entire professional career he has been a back up quarterback. He’s played professionally in the NFL for 8 years. He was undrafted. His role has been to come on and take over a game when the starting quarterback goes down. Not a bad gig, and I’m sure the pay is pretty good, too.
Most people aren’t interested in signing on to be the back-up anything. But what if that’s your gift? What if you’re able to keep tabs on the game to such an acute degree that you could take over so smoothly that nothing was lost or wasted? Why not be the back up?
I’m thinking that I need to go dig out my Virginia Satir material. I was thinking in ABF during our discussion about optimism and negativity. I drew two pots on my paper and began to plan how to teach to thinking more about what we have instead of what we don’t have.
I’m going to either ask the group to draw two pots or give them a handout with two on it and ask them to fill the first pot with what they’re missing. Then I’m going to ask them to fill the second pot with what they have. I’m going to ask them to come up with a number (per centage) that represents how much time they spend focusing on each.
It’s just the beginning of the lesson, but I’m thinking I’ll move on to teach to restoring hope, what is enough, and the things we can and can’t change. I’m probably going to try and pull up the whole Serenity Prayer…I really like the part we don’t pay attention to:
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
--Reinhold Niebuhr
And with that I think I’ll toddle off to bed. Oh and Beth checked out the boots. She didn’t like either pair. She did however see the pair that was just plain black leather (just like the black suede ones) and thought they were cute. Now, I have to decide: to spend or spend on something else.
Also, tomorrow, Nelson and I are going to give up coffee and start down the green tea road. Anybody else doing this? TTFN.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Need vs. Want
Or The Great Boot Debate
I went and worked out this morning. That makes 5 workouts this week! And while I didn’t work out last night, I still got a workout moving all the machines and cleaning.
After working out I went to Walmart to pick up some things I need. I came home with: new gloves (the little inexpensive ones that look like they barely fit a three year old hanging on the rack--$1.42); Sunsilk hair stuff (anti-flat); face wash (something new by Garnier—cheaper than Olay); a couple different feminine hygiene products; a shower foo (net washing thing); a pack of pens; a new wallet; a card for Annie. I picked up several other items and set them all down.
I spent some time in the boot section. I wish I knew what switch flipped in my pea brain that made me think I want boots. I’ve never owned a pair of dress boots. Snow boots, yes. Functional and ugly. Today I saw a really sharp and practical pair of black suede knee high boots that were reduced down to $13. I tried them on. They were cute. I stood there looking in the mirror trying to substantiate the expenditure. I went through a list of things that I could wear them with and then I decided that I just didn’t need them and what I really wanted was a pair of brown boots.
I walked away from the black boots out into the main isle where sitting right in front of me was a size 8.5 pair of brown boots for only $9. I stood there thinking through the list of things I could wear with them. I was so close to stepping away from the boot display with the boots under my arm but I talked myself right out of them. I didn’t need to spend the money.
I headed to the check out, stopping only to wish that a very cute and soft coral colored sweater was in my size because it would be perfect with one of my skirts that I only have a summer sweater to wear with so I have to put it away for winter. I split my items into two orders: first, what I was going to use family funds for and then what I felt I should use my allowance for. I walked out to my car and proceeded to engage in a spiritual discussion over want and need.
Honestly, I didn’t need anything I bought today. At the checkout my divided items were “sort of” divided between what I could almost justify as need and therefore use family funds on and what I wanted and spent my allowance on. I don’t have any idea where I got the idea I wanted a pair of boots. I have never owned any or ever (even when they were killer popular years ago) wanted any. Today was actually the very first time I even tried a pair on and I’m 50!
(Now at this point I must confess something. I came home and told Beth about the boots. She has to get some things later at Walmart and I told her right where to find both pairs. She’s got instructions that if she thinks either would pass the “What Not to Wear” test to pick them up and I’ll pay her back. I figured she’d be objective over whether they were a “good” buy.)
What do I need? To this day I have the nineteen cent comb that I got when I went to jail. Some folks won’t keep anything from jail, superstitiously believing that if you keep something you’ll end up going back. I kept mine to remind myself how little I really need. That comb and a travel size bottle of no-name shampoo were the extent of my hair care products. I can get by on a lot less than what’s taking up shelf space in my bathroom.
What do I need? I was talking to someone the other day about the summers I worked and lived at Cedar Point. Those summers taught me how to live on PBJ and cup-of-soup. Do I need to indulge at the nearby coffee café or even to buy fancy flavored coffees at the grocery? Nope. Most of what is in my cupboards and fridge is not about need.
Then I started thinking about what I want. Most of the time, I can’t even answer that question. The choices for everything are so vast that I don’t know where to start. When Nelson asked me what I wanted for Christmas last month I had no answer. I think it’s the first year I didn’t have a list. And oddly, it was the very best Christmas ever. I so treasured everything I got because I knew the givers put so much thought into each gift.
What do I want? What do I need? I wandered through the aisles at Walmart looking at so much stuff and for once I came out pretty much close to only having what was on my list going in. I may just tell Beth to forget to look at the boots…I don’t have to have this all worked out today, do I?
I went and worked out this morning. That makes 5 workouts this week! And while I didn’t work out last night, I still got a workout moving all the machines and cleaning.
After working out I went to Walmart to pick up some things I need. I came home with: new gloves (the little inexpensive ones that look like they barely fit a three year old hanging on the rack--$1.42); Sunsilk hair stuff (anti-flat); face wash (something new by Garnier—cheaper than Olay); a couple different feminine hygiene products; a shower foo (net washing thing); a pack of pens; a new wallet; a card for Annie. I picked up several other items and set them all down.
I spent some time in the boot section. I wish I knew what switch flipped in my pea brain that made me think I want boots. I’ve never owned a pair of dress boots. Snow boots, yes. Functional and ugly. Today I saw a really sharp and practical pair of black suede knee high boots that were reduced down to $13. I tried them on. They were cute. I stood there looking in the mirror trying to substantiate the expenditure. I went through a list of things that I could wear them with and then I decided that I just didn’t need them and what I really wanted was a pair of brown boots.
I walked away from the black boots out into the main isle where sitting right in front of me was a size 8.5 pair of brown boots for only $9. I stood there thinking through the list of things I could wear with them. I was so close to stepping away from the boot display with the boots under my arm but I talked myself right out of them. I didn’t need to spend the money.
I headed to the check out, stopping only to wish that a very cute and soft coral colored sweater was in my size because it would be perfect with one of my skirts that I only have a summer sweater to wear with so I have to put it away for winter. I split my items into two orders: first, what I was going to use family funds for and then what I felt I should use my allowance for. I walked out to my car and proceeded to engage in a spiritual discussion over want and need.
Honestly, I didn’t need anything I bought today. At the checkout my divided items were “sort of” divided between what I could almost justify as need and therefore use family funds on and what I wanted and spent my allowance on. I don’t have any idea where I got the idea I wanted a pair of boots. I have never owned any or ever (even when they were killer popular years ago) wanted any. Today was actually the very first time I even tried a pair on and I’m 50!
(Now at this point I must confess something. I came home and told Beth about the boots. She has to get some things later at Walmart and I told her right where to find both pairs. She’s got instructions that if she thinks either would pass the “What Not to Wear” test to pick them up and I’ll pay her back. I figured she’d be objective over whether they were a “good” buy.)
What do I need? To this day I have the nineteen cent comb that I got when I went to jail. Some folks won’t keep anything from jail, superstitiously believing that if you keep something you’ll end up going back. I kept mine to remind myself how little I really need. That comb and a travel size bottle of no-name shampoo were the extent of my hair care products. I can get by on a lot less than what’s taking up shelf space in my bathroom.
What do I need? I was talking to someone the other day about the summers I worked and lived at Cedar Point. Those summers taught me how to live on PBJ and cup-of-soup. Do I need to indulge at the nearby coffee café or even to buy fancy flavored coffees at the grocery? Nope. Most of what is in my cupboards and fridge is not about need.
Then I started thinking about what I want. Most of the time, I can’t even answer that question. The choices for everything are so vast that I don’t know where to start. When Nelson asked me what I wanted for Christmas last month I had no answer. I think it’s the first year I didn’t have a list. And oddly, it was the very best Christmas ever. I so treasured everything I got because I knew the givers put so much thought into each gift.
What do I want? What do I need? I wandered through the aisles at Walmart looking at so much stuff and for once I came out pretty much close to only having what was on my list going in. I may just tell Beth to forget to look at the boots…I don’t have to have this all worked out today, do I?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Dumpage vs. Control
I walked out to the garage and loaded my things in the car. I backed out and headed out the alley. As I pulled out onto the street my purse, which I had perched precariously on the passenger seat proceeded to fall, dumping everything on the floor. I laughed out loud. And here’s what I said: “That’s just great. That’s exactly what I wanted to happen.” Then I started to think: perhaps I did.
I like to be in control. My purse dumping on the floor spoke to me about this issue. First, I say I like to be in control, but I don’t do always do what can to control what I can control. I purchased that purse specifically because it has a zipper on the top so that I can close it and secure my belongings from dumpage. This gave me pause to reflect on what I have been neglecting to control.
As I dug deeper into the issue about control I realized I needed to confess that I while I had been negligent in some areas, I have over-functioned where I had no business. I offer lip-service that says I trust God, but I plan my life tight and leave very little wiggle room for God to work. More reason to pause and reflect.
Control is interesting and illusive. When I was a counselor and working with people who felt out of control, I would require them to come up with one thing that they could in fact control and then encourage them to do so. Often by claiming control in one thing (no matter how small) can help a person feel more secure in an otherwise chaotic set of circumstances. On the other hand there is the control ‘freak’ who attempts to control everything and then in the process loses control of everything.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers here, but this one thing I do know: I will be utilizing the zipper on my purse more consistently in the future!
I like to be in control. My purse dumping on the floor spoke to me about this issue. First, I say I like to be in control, but I don’t do always do what can to control what I can control. I purchased that purse specifically because it has a zipper on the top so that I can close it and secure my belongings from dumpage. This gave me pause to reflect on what I have been neglecting to control.
As I dug deeper into the issue about control I realized I needed to confess that I while I had been negligent in some areas, I have over-functioned where I had no business. I offer lip-service that says I trust God, but I plan my life tight and leave very little wiggle room for God to work. More reason to pause and reflect.
Control is interesting and illusive. When I was a counselor and working with people who felt out of control, I would require them to come up with one thing that they could in fact control and then encourage them to do so. Often by claiming control in one thing (no matter how small) can help a person feel more secure in an otherwise chaotic set of circumstances. On the other hand there is the control ‘freak’ who attempts to control everything and then in the process loses control of everything.
I don’t pretend to have all the answers here, but this one thing I do know: I will be utilizing the zipper on my purse more consistently in the future!
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Sleepy Ramblings
I actually thought about sleeping in my office tonight. Everyone in my home is sick. Fevers, chills, sore throats, aching backs, coughs Oh my. Baby Asher is all congested and snotty. Ron feels crappy. Nelson feels better than death, but not by much. Beth is laying on the couch describing fever stuff and just looking beyond miserable. I’m finally feeling better. I hardly coughed today at all and I talked a lot because I taught in Norwalk.
Tomorrow I start the day in Sandusky (leave at 7:10, arrive at 8:30 and see participants until 11:30) and then dash to Norwalk to teach again (12-4). Since Beth is sick we rearranged the schedule at Curves and I’ll be covering the closing shift (5-8). It’s going to be one long day followed by another long day on Thursday (teach 8-4 and Relay for Life organizational meeting 7-9) and more of the same on Friday (ministerial breakfast at 7:30, Wayne County Jail 9-11, and Curves 5-8). I’m already looking forward to Saturday’s completely open calendar.
I don’t like wishing life away like that. It seems like racing the hearse. I mean who’s to say that Saturday won’t end up full of unexpected things? To not enjoy the gift each day holds, either because of it’s scheduledness or in spite of it seems utterly ungrateful.
Speaking of calendars (now there’s an interesting segue), I actually broke down and ordered a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies from a lady at Curves. She brought the sheet in for her daughter. (The segue comes from when I was a scout and our other big money raiser was calendar sales.)
Well, I better get this posted since I’m falling asleep. May all your dreams be sweet ones.
Tomorrow I start the day in Sandusky (leave at 7:10, arrive at 8:30 and see participants until 11:30) and then dash to Norwalk to teach again (12-4). Since Beth is sick we rearranged the schedule at Curves and I’ll be covering the closing shift (5-8). It’s going to be one long day followed by another long day on Thursday (teach 8-4 and Relay for Life organizational meeting 7-9) and more of the same on Friday (ministerial breakfast at 7:30, Wayne County Jail 9-11, and Curves 5-8). I’m already looking forward to Saturday’s completely open calendar.
I don’t like wishing life away like that. It seems like racing the hearse. I mean who’s to say that Saturday won’t end up full of unexpected things? To not enjoy the gift each day holds, either because of it’s scheduledness or in spite of it seems utterly ungrateful.
Speaking of calendars (now there’s an interesting segue), I actually broke down and ordered a few boxes of Girl Scout cookies from a lady at Curves. She brought the sheet in for her daughter. (The segue comes from when I was a scout and our other big money raiser was calendar sales.)
Well, I better get this posted since I’m falling asleep. May all your dreams be sweet ones.
Monday, January 07, 2008
A Grace Moment
Yesterday morning I had a couple winks from God. First, after a very special prayer time in our ABF (Adult Bible Fellowship) one of the people I respect so very much came up to me and shared that they just really felt that God was going to use my gift of pastoral care. Then as I was drying my eyes from that encounter God nudged me again.
During the summer I asked pastor if I would ever be able to provide pulpit supply and he told me that as long as I have to register I won’t be able to. Worst case scenario I won’t ever be able to (if I lose my petition and have to register the rest of my life) and best case it will be ten more years. So for all intents and purposes I will never preach there. It makes me sad. My heart aches to preach.
So I sat wiping my tears feeling my ache and Pastor stood to make the announcements. He began to explain the new Transformational Journal Devotion Prompts that were in every bulletin and God nudged me. No, I wasn’t going to preach, but I was going to make it into every home because I wrote the prompts. Wink. No, not 50 or 100 in a service but everyone in every service (we have four) was going to receive those journal prompts. And I heard the Spirit say, “I have so much more for you.” The tears came to quickly to wipe.
That’s so like me. I know what I want and like a little child I pout and fret when I don’t see it come to pass. How like God to have so much more for me. Sometimes it’s just so hard to trust…and wait.
During the summer I asked pastor if I would ever be able to provide pulpit supply and he told me that as long as I have to register I won’t be able to. Worst case scenario I won’t ever be able to (if I lose my petition and have to register the rest of my life) and best case it will be ten more years. So for all intents and purposes I will never preach there. It makes me sad. My heart aches to preach.
So I sat wiping my tears feeling my ache and Pastor stood to make the announcements. He began to explain the new Transformational Journal Devotion Prompts that were in every bulletin and God nudged me. No, I wasn’t going to preach, but I was going to make it into every home because I wrote the prompts. Wink. No, not 50 or 100 in a service but everyone in every service (we have four) was going to receive those journal prompts. And I heard the Spirit say, “I have so much more for you.” The tears came to quickly to wipe.
That’s so like me. I know what I want and like a little child I pout and fret when I don’t see it come to pass. How like God to have so much more for me. Sometimes it’s just so hard to trust…and wait.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Purse Shopping
I went purse shopping today. What a headache. I went to Walmart yesterday and didn’t find anything like what I wanted. Today I started by making a quick stop at Goodwill . Nothing. I guess by the time a purse ends up at Goodwill it is really not worth having. Next I drove to Mansfield and checked out Gabriel Brothers. I found several that I liked and the prices were awesome. I ended up buying a cute and yet practical one that meets all my requirements. Yay!
I decided that I should probably check a couple more spots just to be sure that I didn’t settle too soon. So I headed down the road to TJ Max. I fell in love with the first purse I found. It was a Ralph Lauren. It was marked down to $60 from $129. I started laughing so hard that I ended up having a terrible coughing spell. For comic relief I went ahead and looked at the rest of the purses—I found nothing that I liked! I went next door to Target. Oh, there were some cute ones there and they were all on sale. I carried around one bag and almost bought it, but I just couldn’t justify spending another $11. I mean, what would I do with two purses that I could use at the same time? I have always just had one purse for everyday. I must confess that I also have a cute little evening bag that will never, ever wear out since I have so very few “evening” occasions. Additionally, I have a small bag I use when traveling. But to have more than one everyday bag is just a foreign concept to me.
While I was shopping for purses I checked out the wallets. Oh my…it’s been a really long time since I bought a wallet. They actually wanted more for wallets than for some of the purses I looked at. I will just have to make the one I have last a while longer.
Well, excuse me I have to transfer everything and find my change purse. I guess Asher wanted the coins. Too bad it doesn’t have a clapper.
I decided that I should probably check a couple more spots just to be sure that I didn’t settle too soon. So I headed down the road to TJ Max. I fell in love with the first purse I found. It was a Ralph Lauren. It was marked down to $60 from $129. I started laughing so hard that I ended up having a terrible coughing spell. For comic relief I went ahead and looked at the rest of the purses—I found nothing that I liked! I went next door to Target. Oh, there were some cute ones there and they were all on sale. I carried around one bag and almost bought it, but I just couldn’t justify spending another $11. I mean, what would I do with two purses that I could use at the same time? I have always just had one purse for everyday. I must confess that I also have a cute little evening bag that will never, ever wear out since I have so very few “evening” occasions. Additionally, I have a small bag I use when traveling. But to have more than one everyday bag is just a foreign concept to me.
While I was shopping for purses I checked out the wallets. Oh my…it’s been a really long time since I bought a wallet. They actually wanted more for wallets than for some of the purses I looked at. I will just have to make the one I have last a while longer.
Well, excuse me I have to transfer everything and find my change purse. I guess Asher wanted the coins. Too bad it doesn’t have a clapper.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
Following a Hearse
(Started this one Friday…finishing touches Saturday morning…)
I had an interesting moment on my way to teach at the jail this morning. I had just left our building in a bit of a state due to a run in with the copy machine. It only wants to act up when I don’t have time for such kind of nonsense. I felt icky. I had choked on a cough drop in the night and the resulting coughing was running late. Right then the morning was great big “grrrrr and hrumph.”
So I head out of town on the hilly bendy two lane state route and of course the inevitable happens: I am at the tail end of a line of cars that has no place special to be—except in front of me. I cranked the music and settled in for the ride. It wasn’t too long in to my settled state when I realized that several cars had peeled off and there were only two vehicles in front of me.
Even with this shortened line in front of me, I was not going to be able to pass (legally or safely). So I set my eyes on the lead car and started to ask myself why this guy had to be in front of me going so slow when I needed to be somewhere NOW! That’s when I really focused on the lead vehicle and the little light came on in my head. The lead car was a hearse. A hearse. No wonder it appeared to be in no hurry. Dead people don’t have to be any place special at any certain time.
Now once I was able to get past my “now don’t that beat all” thinking, I began to think about the absurdity of racing a hearse. I had just written journal prompts on a passage from Ecclesiastes for church and the words were coming to haunt me—as were some of the words I mumbled at the copy machine, but that’s a different issue, sort of. In Ecclesiastes 9, the writer says this:
Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle
to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent nor favor to the skillful; but time and chance happen to them all.
Just prior to that verse he urges the reader to live to the fullest because in Sheol (the place of the dead) there is no work, or thought, or knowledge, or wisdom. The writer encourages the reader by reminding them that they need to live now. God has blessed them to live now. And with that in mind, I need to be sure that I’m not just rushing here and there, staying busy just to be busy.
************************************************************************************
So now it’s Saturday morning. There will be no racing today. I’m going to go workout in a bit. I’ve been sitting with Asher since Mommio had gone to workout. He’s got a nasty cold so he woke up a bit crusty and barky. He wants to cuddle when he first wakes up---that such a hardship. (insert a knowing Mema smile)
Nelson is working. Two weeks ago they announced that there would be little to no more overtime and no more Saturdays. He consistently goes in at 5AM for over time and has worked the past two Saturdays. Extra blessings for sure! He was going to start a class at the nearby community college but needed to get a pre-req in first. He was a bit (big bit) disappointed. So it was a nice boost when they had him set up a machine—and it ran well! He just seems to be enjoying this work so much.
Well, that’s all for now…have a rest-filled day.
I had an interesting moment on my way to teach at the jail this morning. I had just left our building in a bit of a state due to a run in with the copy machine. It only wants to act up when I don’t have time for such kind of nonsense. I felt icky. I had choked on a cough drop in the night and the resulting coughing was running late. Right then the morning was great big “grrrrr and hrumph.”
So I head out of town on the hilly bendy two lane state route and of course the inevitable happens: I am at the tail end of a line of cars that has no place special to be—except in front of me. I cranked the music and settled in for the ride. It wasn’t too long in to my settled state when I realized that several cars had peeled off and there were only two vehicles in front of me.
Even with this shortened line in front of me, I was not going to be able to pass (legally or safely). So I set my eyes on the lead car and started to ask myself why this guy had to be in front of me going so slow when I needed to be somewhere NOW! That’s when I really focused on the lead vehicle and the little light came on in my head. The lead car was a hearse. A hearse. No wonder it appeared to be in no hurry. Dead people don’t have to be any place special at any certain time.
Now once I was able to get past my “now don’t that beat all” thinking, I began to think about the absurdity of racing a hearse. I had just written journal prompts on a passage from Ecclesiastes for church and the words were coming to haunt me—as were some of the words I mumbled at the copy machine, but that’s a different issue, sort of. In Ecclesiastes 9, the writer says this:
Again I saw that under the sun the race is not to the swift, nor the battle
to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches to the intelligent nor favor to the skillful; but time and chance happen to them all.
Just prior to that verse he urges the reader to live to the fullest because in Sheol (the place of the dead) there is no work, or thought, or knowledge, or wisdom. The writer encourages the reader by reminding them that they need to live now. God has blessed them to live now. And with that in mind, I need to be sure that I’m not just rushing here and there, staying busy just to be busy.
************************************************************************************
So now it’s Saturday morning. There will be no racing today. I’m going to go workout in a bit. I’ve been sitting with Asher since Mommio had gone to workout. He’s got a nasty cold so he woke up a bit crusty and barky. He wants to cuddle when he first wakes up---that such a hardship. (insert a knowing Mema smile)
Nelson is working. Two weeks ago they announced that there would be little to no more overtime and no more Saturdays. He consistently goes in at 5AM for over time and has worked the past two Saturdays. Extra blessings for sure! He was going to start a class at the nearby community college but needed to get a pre-req in first. He was a bit (big bit) disappointed. So it was a nice boost when they had him set up a machine—and it ran well! He just seems to be enjoying this work so much.
Well, that’s all for now…have a rest-filled day.
Friday, January 04, 2008
My Life as a Book
Personally, I have always thought of my life as an open book. Until it became public and then there were things I would have gladly edited. Perhaps. These was an interesting exercise and I'm glad I tagged myself to do it. ")
If your life was a book, what Genre would it be and why? It would be inspirational/motivational.
Would it be a stand alone or a series?In my ongoing effort to decompartmentalize my life, I would love to see more than one volume.
What would the title of your life’s book be? I’m not sure. Right now two titles are vying for attention: “One More Look in the Mirror” or “No, Really, the Bridge is Out.”
What’s the spiritual theme of your book?God’s use of the reluctant, the unusal, and how He wastes nothing. I would want to bring the “beauty from ashes” theme, as well.
What would your goal be? I believe that out of my mess comes my message. My life was heading up when I made stupid and selfish choices that put me at the bottom. I am looking to help others avoid the bridge out and to see themselves as God sees them
What’s the motivation for your goal? Redeeming my experience, and being faithful to the process. Giving back and paying forward.
Who’s your hero? Referring to Revelation: the one who overcomes, the one who has ears to hear.
What’s your conflict? Human wisdom (and fear) vs. Godly provision and grace
Who’s your antagonist? Self, ignorance, arrogance, fear
Where are you in your life’s book? (The beginning, middle, end, have you reached your black moment, are you into your resolution?) Second half
Is there a happy ending? The best! It was already written. All this and heaven, too!
If your life was a book, what Genre would it be and why? It would be inspirational/motivational.
Would it be a stand alone or a series?In my ongoing effort to decompartmentalize my life, I would love to see more than one volume.
What would the title of your life’s book be? I’m not sure. Right now two titles are vying for attention: “One More Look in the Mirror” or “No, Really, the Bridge is Out.”
What’s the spiritual theme of your book?God’s use of the reluctant, the unusal, and how He wastes nothing. I would want to bring the “beauty from ashes” theme, as well.
What would your goal be? I believe that out of my mess comes my message. My life was heading up when I made stupid and selfish choices that put me at the bottom. I am looking to help others avoid the bridge out and to see themselves as God sees them
What’s the motivation for your goal? Redeeming my experience, and being faithful to the process. Giving back and paying forward.
Who’s your hero? Referring to Revelation: the one who overcomes, the one who has ears to hear.
What’s your conflict? Human wisdom (and fear) vs. Godly provision and grace
Who’s your antagonist? Self, ignorance, arrogance, fear
Where are you in your life’s book? (The beginning, middle, end, have you reached your black moment, are you into your resolution?) Second half
Is there a happy ending? The best! It was already written. All this and heaven, too!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
A Good Day
I’m currently sitting outside one of the local coffee cafes (it's located in a mall of sorts, so I'm really indoors but sort of isolated but able to see outside), enjoying the quiet, writing a couple week’s worth of journal prompts for our church (they correspond to the pastor’s sermon for the week), and sipping on a yummy egg nog latte. Wireless internet is an amazing thing.
I had written devotional guides for our church last year and we sort of took a break for the fall quarter and just never got back at it until today. I received an email from the coordinator asking how soon I could get week one to her. She had it in a couple hours and then a couple hours later I just mailed her the second week.
Pastor is going to be doing a series of sermons from Ecclesiastes for the next seven weeks. I wanted to get a commentary to boost my knowledge for this task so I went to our local Christian Bookstore to see what they might have. I found a paperback commentary, but didn’t really want to spend the $14.95 + tax so I browsed a little further. Much to my delight, I found the same commentary on the sales shelf, only the sale copy was hard bound! And for $4.95 less!! I picked it up with a quick “thank you Jesus” and headed to the register. My delight had only begun! When the cashier rang up my purchase I quickly discovered that the shelf I picked the book from was half price—so I got it for $5.34. When the cashier told me to have a good day, I couldn’t help but tell him that it already was!
I wasn’t so sure how my day was going to go this morning as I headed to work. My morning task was going to be to teach the tough crowd at our building. I can usually have fun with them and turn a less than pleasant time into some fun (see the entry on my “p-ness”). But I wasn’t so sure this morning since I was feeling strong leading about tackling the topic of forgiveness. It’s not something that goes well with this crowd—about as well as talking about how they need to get a job. I am, however, very pleased and thankful to report that the discussion went very well. The first hour I laid the ground work for an upcoming series on conflict management and then spent the second hour on forgiveness. The group was surprisingly thought-full and open. It was really pretty awesome.
As I am sitting here typing this there is a heavy gray winter sky and a light, lazy snow drifting to the ground. It’s very peaceful. It fits how I feel. There’s a lot of things I could do tonight, but I think I’m just going to go home and bask in the wonder of the day—and play with Elmo, hug Asher, and probably wash a few dishes!
I had written devotional guides for our church last year and we sort of took a break for the fall quarter and just never got back at it until today. I received an email from the coordinator asking how soon I could get week one to her. She had it in a couple hours and then a couple hours later I just mailed her the second week.
Pastor is going to be doing a series of sermons from Ecclesiastes for the next seven weeks. I wanted to get a commentary to boost my knowledge for this task so I went to our local Christian Bookstore to see what they might have. I found a paperback commentary, but didn’t really want to spend the $14.95 + tax so I browsed a little further. Much to my delight, I found the same commentary on the sales shelf, only the sale copy was hard bound! And for $4.95 less!! I picked it up with a quick “thank you Jesus” and headed to the register. My delight had only begun! When the cashier rang up my purchase I quickly discovered that the shelf I picked the book from was half price—so I got it for $5.34. When the cashier told me to have a good day, I couldn’t help but tell him that it already was!
I wasn’t so sure how my day was going to go this morning as I headed to work. My morning task was going to be to teach the tough crowd at our building. I can usually have fun with them and turn a less than pleasant time into some fun (see the entry on my “p-ness”). But I wasn’t so sure this morning since I was feeling strong leading about tackling the topic of forgiveness. It’s not something that goes well with this crowd—about as well as talking about how they need to get a job. I am, however, very pleased and thankful to report that the discussion went very well. The first hour I laid the ground work for an upcoming series on conflict management and then spent the second hour on forgiveness. The group was surprisingly thought-full and open. It was really pretty awesome.
As I am sitting here typing this there is a heavy gray winter sky and a light, lazy snow drifting to the ground. It’s very peaceful. It fits how I feel. There’s a lot of things I could do tonight, but I think I’m just going to go home and bask in the wonder of the day—and play with Elmo, hug Asher, and probably wash a few dishes!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Valuing the Ordinary
I’ve started three entries. Drivel. Blech. Nothing profound. That seems weird. It wasn’t a nothing day. It was just a day. I didn’t leave town because of the weather. I worked in the office, made calls, did some internet research, and made a bunch of phone calls to employers.
I think the challenge for me, since I have set a goal for daily entries in my journal, is to see mundane as valuable. That’s hard for me. I want to sound profound. But some days are average. Some days God whispers and the things that matter are being present, being open, being willing.
And now I’m going to bed. It doesn’t get more ordinary than this.
I think the challenge for me, since I have set a goal for daily entries in my journal, is to see mundane as valuable. That’s hard for me. I want to sound profound. But some days are average. Some days God whispers and the things that matter are being present, being open, being willing.
And now I’m going to bed. It doesn’t get more ordinary than this.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
A Few More to Do
The final 15:
(ok, this is not something I want, but I probably ought to do…) Have a colonoscopy.
Have a mammogram and yearly exam.
Have my teeth cleaned twice. (We pay for dental insurance so I should use it and I should be taking more conscientious care of my aging teeth.)
I need to take better care of my skin. It’s not a vanity thing: I’m not trying to be or look younger, it’s just that I have never been much of a lotions/potions person.
Go on a weekend away with my husband.
Go on the Sunday School Class trip.
Wash my car regularly and keep it clean.
Get the grandfather clock fixed.
Adopt a family at Christmas and get to know them so that we’re not just buying presents but really sharing Jesus’ love.
Get to know my neighbors better…at least learn their names (I would like to do that either here or at the new house, guess it depends on when we get the new house).
I’m going to cancel any magazine subscriptions that I can and not renew any. I don’t read magazines and if I’m really attached, I can read them online.
Try again to have a live draft Fantasy Football league.
Ok…I ran out of steam and day. I’ll work on this some more tomorrow…And for once I’m actually praying that it keeps snowing…I don’t want to go to work tomorrow!
(ok, this is not something I want, but I probably ought to do…) Have a colonoscopy.
Have a mammogram and yearly exam.
Have my teeth cleaned twice. (We pay for dental insurance so I should use it and I should be taking more conscientious care of my aging teeth.)
I need to take better care of my skin. It’s not a vanity thing: I’m not trying to be or look younger, it’s just that I have never been much of a lotions/potions person.
Go on a weekend away with my husband.
Go on the Sunday School Class trip.
Wash my car regularly and keep it clean.
Get the grandfather clock fixed.
Adopt a family at Christmas and get to know them so that we’re not just buying presents but really sharing Jesus’ love.
Get to know my neighbors better…at least learn their names (I would like to do that either here or at the new house, guess it depends on when we get the new house).
I’m going to cancel any magazine subscriptions that I can and not renew any. I don’t read magazines and if I’m really attached, I can read them online.
Try again to have a live draft Fantasy Football league.
Ok…I ran out of steam and day. I’ll work on this some more tomorrow…And for once I’m actually praying that it keeps snowing…I don’t want to go to work tomorrow!
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