Crummy

I feel crummy today.

I worked hard yesterday, so hard that I could barely move last night. My limbs felt as though they were weighted with lead. I laid down for a half hour, but couldn't sleep. I had felt like I was feverish early in the day, but pushed myself through it. I wasn't thinking as sharply as I needed to and made a couple calculating errors and gave poor directions. Fortunately, I was able to catch myself and correct things before major uncorrectable errors were committed.

My head feels weighted today and my nose won't stop running. Thankfully, I'm not sore and achy like I was yesterday. But I called off work and cancelled my therapy appointment. I'm not sure if I feel crummier for calling off work when I'm not on my deathbed or because I can't breathe. I haven't been to therapy since December and I didn't really want to drive the two and half hours there, chit chat for an hour (spending $30 unnecessarily), and then drive home two and a half hours. I know it's mandated by the court, but not only does it seem like a waste, I feel crummy, and there's a couple inches of fresh snow out there with more on the way.

Financially we needed me to work. I realize I would have only brought home about $25, but that would buy groceries. I just couldn't make myself do it. And that feels crummy to me.

I need to make myself sit down at the table and crank out a grant. I'm rebelling against that because I knew I'm not going to make any money for my effort. And that really feels crummy. I enjoy the word crafting immensely, but there's no provision to pay me for my time or effort.

And to top it all off, I'm all out of soup!

I realized something today while I was cruising blogs: people write back notes to notes. I decided to read notes on blogs that I've noted. I wanted to see who was reading the blogs that I enjoy and get blessed by. I figured it was another way to find interesting and encouraging blogs (but y'all probably knew that). Anyway, what I found in addition to some good new reads, is that there were notes back to the notes I left. I felt really crummy then. These writers took time to respond back and I probably looked like a stuck up schmuck for not responding back. I'm sorry!!! I wasn't ignoring you. I was just plain ignorant. Now doesn't that feel crummy.

Okay. All this crummy talk has made me hungry (I've been told that breathing makes me hungry...and I can do a little of that right now.). So, I think I'll go get some cinnamon toast and cup of tea. Maybe then I'll feel a little less crummy.

Oh, I have another question. Is there a tutorial somewhere that can teach me how to post pics and post my fav blogs? How do I dress up that marginal column like the rest of you? Just curious.

Postscript (AKA: afterthought...requiring editing...lol)
I wanted to let you know that Jim, the worship leader, called me the other night. He wasn't asking us to dinner as orginially planned. He was wanting to let me know that he had just had a conversation with the music guy who had "shared his heart" on Sunday and caused such a stir. It seems that the guy's chief complaint was with Jim. He felt that Jim had betrayed some trust and he no longer felt that he or his wife would be able to worship with the group. Jim wanted to let me know right away so that Nelson and I wouldn't back out also, especially since the reason for our not returning was no longer going to be a problem--and would I please bring the music for Sunday. It's a weird thing. It both makes me happy (relieved?) and sad at the same time.