Not Through

I heard a song a while back. It seemed nice. I didn’t pay really close attention. Heard it again last week. Liked it more. This morning it hit me like a brick between the eyes. It’s sung by Ginny Owens:

If You Want Me To lyrics
The pathway is broken

And The signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why You brought me here

But just because You love me the way that You do

I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to

Chorus: Cause I'm not who I was When I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

so if all of these trials bring me closer to you

Then I will go through the fire If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When you lead me through a world that's not my home

But You never said it would be easy

You only said I'd never go alone

So When the whole world turns against me

And I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I

'll remember the suffering

Your love put You through

And I will go through the valley If You want me to

Today after work Nelson and I had a meeting with the pastor from the nearby church where Nelson visited back last Fall. It’s also the one we watch on TV together. I called the pastor last week and told him of our situation. He wanted to meet with us. So today after work (what a day I had!) we got to talk with him. He was very open and positive and we will get to start attending services this weekend.

I thought I’d be whooping about this…don’t get me wrong, I’m happy down to my toes. I’m thankful, excited, scared, overwhelmed, and probably a few other things too. I will confess that I spent a couple nano seconds pondering what I would wear. My “church clothes” have hung so long in the closet.

But mostly, I’ve sat here and wept. I was remembering how devastating the blow felt when my PO told me that there was no way I could go to church. It all felt so unfair, so wrong. How could that be God’s plan? That was one valley I did not want to walk through. It made no sense, surely it could serve no purpose.

Left to our own plans we would have ended up miserable at the Nazarene church in nearby town with the pastor, who I believe, is on an ego trip that has potential to crush his congregation. It scares me now. Instead we went no where, then we went to T-Net, then we watched TV. The process or journey has been confusing at times, but it has provided opportunity for me to trust and to listen hard for God.

There will be those in attendance Sunday who will probably complain about sitting on old wooden benches. I welcome that hard feel on my seat. I don’t care what they sing, it will just be such a treat to raise my voice with other believers.

On a side note…there’s a phrase in the song “And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet.” So many times in the past four years precious brothers and sisters in the faith have encouraged me with this. When I have doubted that there could be any use for me, the reminder would come. The phrase caught my attention this morning.

Then tonight, before the pastor left, he asked to pray with us. We had spoken of our ministry journey. In his prayer he then asked God to reveal how he wasn’t through with me yet. He had no idea how precious those words were. Maybe someday I’ll find a way to let him know.