This Week

Tuesday:
Today the company we have our contract with came in for a meeting. I knew we were going to get dinged about how we weren’t keeping up with our five day turn around. So I went to the meeting with stats and data to make my point—heck, to make several points about what I needed to be able to do my job better. It showed some forethought. I made my point.

The real packaging specialist from the contract company came back with me to our area and gave me some one on one time—we discussed a lot of things. I was able to persuade her on one boxing issue. It was a huge improvement for us. I really, really appreciated her comments. I learned so much. It felt awesome.

At the end of the day, I was talking to Ed and B when Mr. R walked up. I thought he wanted to talk to them so I turned to go, but he told me to wait. When he was done talking to them he walked me to my office. He said he had heard that I had a college teaching position last year that was lost. I had only told Ed this. Mr. R reiterated his appreciation of my hard work. Then he told me that if I hang in there for a year, he would do whatever it takes to get me a teaching job at our local university or seminary where he’s on the board of trustees. I know that’s not always a given (after all, my therapist was on the board of the other university where I lost the other jobs). Even if nothing comes of it, I was just so absolutely touched that Mr. R would consider going to bat for me like that.

On the way home from work I remembered that I needed to stop and see my PO. Those who have been with me since last Fall may remember that one of the first things that my PO told me was that she would NEVER recommend an early release from probation for me. During our meeting we talked about her kids and my employees that are on probation/parole. Then she asked how long I had left. I reminded her that I was on paper until February 2007. I mentioned that I had thought about applying for an early release, but had heard that it cost a lot of money that I didn’t have. She said it should be no more than $100 or court costs. I asked how to go about it: should I contact the judge? She then said, "No. It just takes a recommendation from me. I’ll contact my supervisor and get things started." You could have knocked me off my chair with a feather. I was so excited I was ready to whoop!

Then when I got home my "new" laptop was here–finally. The screen is huge: I love that!!! The key action is nice too. The last two laptops that I’ve had were Gateways. This one is a Compaq Presario. Could the day get any better?

That’s a dangerous feeling for me...As soon as I realize that I’m feeling that feeling I start to get worried and start looking for the other shoe to drop. It’s not that I’m superstitious, I just don’t ever expect things to go well for very long.

When I turned it on there was a fine line down the right of the screen about two inches in. I was disappointed. Nelson asked how it was that EVERY time I turned on a computer I wrecked it? His words were like a sledge hammer upside my head. Now, I know that he doesn’t mean to be hurtful. I also know that he has no clue how his words affect me. I am also aware of how bored and testy he is from his forced confinement. I tried so hard not to take it on, but I failed miserably. When I went to bed I was sad, hurt, and sure that I wasn’t going to sleep.

Wednesday:
Nelson acted as if nothing had been said. In his mind there was no problem. It would do me no good to bring the incident up–it would be like rubbing a dog’s nose in three day old pee: totally ineffective. I tried to make him see how hurt I was, but I was too emotional. I hate that about myself.

Thursday:
I received another affirmation at work that my work was appreciated. It was a real pat on the back.

Friday:
D’s last day in our area. A couple weeks ago B took a goofy picture of D (she held a box lid over her face to avoid being photographed). For some reason she really liked the pic and wanted me to laminate it so it would be protected and preserved. Instead I bought a frame and had everyone sign it. I also bought a card and made a cake.

There was a real mixed feeling about D leaving. For me it’s hard. She’s been a friend and such an awesome worker. I am so ecstatic that she’s been hired on by the company, but I also felt terribly alone. I’m sure it’ll be ok, it’ll just take some time to adjust.

And now it’s Saturday. We followed up with the pastor twice to see if he called my PO, but haven’t heard back so it looks like church will have to wait another weekend. It would probably be ok, but trust me: I’m not taking any chances or doing anything that I’m not allowed. I may try and call my PO later to see...maybe.

Reflections on it all:
While I was talking with Mr. R, something was said that seemed to tie everything together here. Mr. R said something about how things work together. As soon as he said that I began to examine the cord linking life for me.

One of the things that occurred to me was the amazing way God uses events to get us where he wants us to be. Twenty six years ago, Nelson and I really felt like we should move to Ashland. We didn't understand why, so therefore after a very superficial examination of the situation we decided it probably wasn't the right move to make. And life went on the way it did. But here we are all these later in Ashland.

And I truly believe that God isn't done with me yet...and so now instead fearing the falling shoe, I feel a little more like an eager child just wondering what's coming around the corner--and like the child: trusting that it's going to be...gotta be good---because after all: it's coming from God who only has my best in mind.