Joy Is Like the Rain

I was a Girl Scout. I started in 4th grade as a Junior Scout. I always felt like I missed out on something by not being a Brownie, but that was the way life seemed to go for me.

It was in Girl Scouts where I learned about my changing body and what it was going to be like when my “periods” started. It was in Girl Scouts where I learned to bake. It was in Girl Scouts where I was truly encouraged to sew.

I made some of my best friends in Girl Scouts. The leaders were so nurturing and supportive. The woman who I hold up as my model for life and love was a Girl Scout leader. Her name was Daisy.

I was in Girl Scouts until I was a junior in High School. I made First Class. My mom didn’t come to my First Class Ceremony because she had laundry to do. I believe that was the best demonstration of where I ranked as a child and quite possibly my greatest disappointment in life. (Mom and I have talked at length about how she regrets in those years that she made being a “wife” so much higher a priority than being “mom.” Understanding and forgiveness don’t always remove the sting—they just help us love in spite of it.)

This week I’ve had a song on my brain that I learned my very first year in Scouts. This would have been in 1966—and I still remember the tune and many of the words (though I was mixing the verses around). I went and googled the title and there it was. Here it is:Joy Is Like The Rain D Em A7 DI saw raindrops on my windowG Em A7 DJoy is like the rain.G DLaughter runs across my painA A7 D A7-BmSlips away and comes again.Em Em7 A7 DJoy is like the rain. I saw clouds upon a mountainJoy is like a cloud;Sometimes silver, sometimes gray,Alsways sun not far away.Joy is like a cloud. I saw Christ in wind and thunder,Joy is tried by storm.Christ asleep within my boat,whipped by wind, yet still afloat.Joy is tried by storm. I saw raindrops on my windowJoy is like the rain.Bit by bit the river grows,Till at once it overflows.Joy is like the rain. - From the album "Medical Missionary Sisters"released in the 1960's

As I’m sitting here writing there is a gentle rain falling outside. It seemed so appropriate!

Reading through the words got me to thinking about how it probably wouldn’t be a song that would be sung in Scouting now. It’s not very PC. And yet, for me it was so correct—then and now.

Today is the fourth anniversary of the when I turned myself in. Joy has been tried by storm….yet still afloat. Today is also the 28th anniversary of my first date with Nelson.

I was thinking about our 28 years together. It has had it share of rain. There have been storms. Sometimes the clouds are very, very thick. Sometimes I long for the simple laughter. Other days I couldn’t be more content.

The morning of our wedding (just 18mo after that first date) two guys called to try and talk me out of marrying Nelson. I had doubts and reservations. I was very unsure of this huge commitment I was making. I had no clue what life would hold. It was as if some unseen force was moving me through the whole process. I felt powerless to change the course of events as they were unfolding, and unsure if I really wanted to. One thing that I knew somewhere at the core of my being—it wasn’t a conscious thing, I don’t believe—was that I could count on Nelson no matter what.

And I was right.

Now, I confess, this has been a hard week. I think that I have been grieving my lost identity and career more than I have over the past 4 years. I have felt come out this week in an unsettled discontent. Honestly, it’s made it hard to empty Nelson’s pee bottle, hard to do all the dishes, laundry, and general cleaning.

Sometimes life is just like that. Laughter slips across my pain, slips away and comes again. It has…and it will!

So today I will cozy up. Spend some time remembering the years with my sweetie. And be thankful—for it all!