Reading, Trusting, and Walking

This evening I was doing some more reading in Foster’s “Celebration of Discipline.”

I read so much more differently than I used to. Growing up, books opened the world to me. Several books and a few authors became my friends. I grew in those relationships. Later, with school and on into all my Master’s work ( I have three Master’s degrees…) I read mostly because “pages” were required or for an assignment. The only relationship was a ticking off of pages read. When I moved into ministry and later counseling, too, reading was to meet an immediate need, whether it be for a message or related to understanding someone’s need at the moment. I read very few complete books, just chunks here and there—and I read quickly!

Now, it’s very different. I read to grow, to understand, to search, to journey, to stretch, and I read slowly. I mull. I ponder. I reflect. I am also very picky about what I read. I like this phase.

So tonight I was reading in Foster’s book, the chapter on prayer and then some in the chapter on fasting. He spoke quite a bit about the way a child so openly comes to the Father. And I began to wonder and ponder about that relationship with my Father. Perhaps that is why I’ve been doing so much thinking lately about this child thing. Perhaps I need to work on my openness, trust, and receptivity with regards to my relationship to the Father. My earthly relationship with my dad wasn’t good. He wasn’t really emotionally available to me. His travels and alcoholism made him less than trustworthy. I confess that has tainted my ability to move even more deeply in relationship with my Father. There’s definitely work to be done here.

And tonight I was reading because I was sitting at the rehab clinic while Nelson was in his initial physical therapy visit. It took an hour. Appointments for the next couple months will be either a half hour or forty-five minutes. Teasingly, I told the receptionist that it was a shame there wasn’t a track there that I could walk on. She told me that the building has a loop that I could walk while Nelson is in therapy. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do! For the next couple months I’m going to use my time wisely and get my feet moving. I’ll either listen to some good music on CD or maybe listen to some books on CD…ooh, I like that idea. Then I can listen slow while I move fast.

Well, right now the fast moving I’m going to do is to toward bed. That storm last night kept me awake. Sweet dreams!