Going Deeper

Monday we were working, but it didn't feel right. It reminded me of my car a while back. I pulled out of the R-company parking lot and put pressure on the gas pedal and my car didn't take off. I was still moving down the road, but I couldn't get any faster than 10mph. I decided to keep driving, hoping it would kick into gear, but even if it didn't I knew I was moving closer to home.

Cars were passing me as I putted down the road. I was afraid the next time I looked up that I was going to be passed by a horse and buggy I was moving that slowly. I neared a parking lot and began the internal debate of whether to pull over. I bit the bullet and headed my car into the lot. I shut the car off. I laid my head on the steering wheel. All the way to that point I had been praying: Come on car. Come on God, please get me home. Come on car. I turned the key and the engine engaged with a much better sound. I pulled out of the lot onto the road and zipped on home. And since that day, I haven’t had any similar incidents with the car.

So Tuesday morning as we were getting ready to start the day I told the crew the story about my car. I was trying to cover up my disappointment over three workers not showing up or calling in sick. (Insert big sigh) I wanted them to have a clean start, after all, it was a new day! I would like to think that I’m really quite motivation, but it might sound a bit braggish to try and take credit for their increased output.

Today, one of the three absentee workers returned. I was very, very happy to have him back! Yesterday while we were working I realized that all the workers were relatively knew. The reality of this dawned clearly on me as my head began to feel like it was being tied in multiple knots. I felt as if I was thinking for everyone. It was exhausting.

Another thing at work has made the week quite challenging and frustrating for me. We now have to stamp the part number, company initials, and date (month/year) on every part. Well, that’s not quite exactly true. We don’t HAVE to until Monday, so this week we have been "practicing" and working out the bugs. And let me tell you: there have been lots and lots of bugs, a couple times I began to wonder if the machine was down more than it was working.

A couple times I found myself just dropping my head and praying. I am so unmechanical and there I was trying to get my hands to work pliers and wrenches, working with air hoses, moving supports, and trouble shooting. I was ten times worse than the proverbial duck out of water. It was awful. Every time I went to change the part numbers my hands would cramp up. I kept dropping tools. I wasn’t able to control any part of the whole process–it was totally frustrating to me.

We were able to package over 1400 parts today. It’s not enough but it’s better. We’ll have a full day on Friday and will be working on Saturday to be able to get orders out on time. The bad thing will be if we don’t get parts next week. I have work through next Tuesday. Hopefully more parts will come in.

As I reflect on the day, I marvel at how life has changed for me. I spent most of my life using my brain and my mouth, now I work with my hands and keep things going by organizing things with my mind–but on days like today it seems very secondary. I find it very hard to be patient with myself, but I am trying very hard to be patient and grace-full. I mean, I’m everybody else’s cheerleader: shouldn’t I be mine, too?

To feed my brain this week, I picked up my copy of Foster’s "Spirit of the Disciplines." Much of my life feels shallow, craving something deeper. I’ve read it before...but there’s still gems to mine. So I think I’ll wrap this up, do some dishes, check the laundry, and grab my book on the way to bed. TTFN