A Better Picture of Nelson

(After reading some of your notes, I felt that I owed it to Nelson to give you a fuller picture of his situation.)

More times than I care to admit, I can relate to Job’s wife. Now, I would never tell Nelson to curse God and die, but I have, weary of watching him suffer, asked God to just take him home. I love my husband dearly and would be lost for quite some time without him, but I ache so deeply in my heart watching him suffer.

To merely say that Nelson gets depressed is to only paint part of a picture for you. I sat across the room looking at my beloved as we got ready for church this morning and I couldn’t see much of the handsome man I married. The day of our wedding, Nelson weighed in (fully clothed) just under 160lbs. Today, he tips the scale at around 350lbs. His sparkling blue eyes have lost their luster and his smile is very rare.

In 1983 Nelson was injured in an accident at work. While carrying a very large and heavy steal pipe the person on the other end dropped their end and a disc was ruptured in Nelson’s back. Paperwork was not filled out properly and neither insurance nor Worker’s Comp would pay for surgery so all these years he has suffered from back pain that has fluctuated between chronic to debilitating. He has added a couple of bulging discs to the mix and spurs up and down his spine.

From the early days of dating I dreaded Nelson falling asleep, he snored horribly and would stop breathing. Finally, at a retreat in 1993 a doctor insisted that Nelson get a sleep study done. He’s had several since then and sleeps with a C-Pap machine set at such a high setting that the respiratory therapist refused to set it that high when he was in the hospital this summer for his ankle.

Even with the C-Pap Nelson doesn’t sleep well. He was on an anti-depressant, but the medication was for depression related to his lack of sleep. You see, it’s all pretty cyclical. He needs to lose weight so that he will sleep better, but he can’t exercise because of the back problems, so he eats out of depression (and to console himself) and he gains weight but he needs to lose weight to sleep better….

He’s been diagnosed with Epstein Barr Syndrome and then had it retracted. He’s been diagnosed with thyroid problems and taken medication, and then had another doctor take him off the meds because it wasn’t really a problem. He’s been diagnosed with high cholesterol and put on meds only to have that taken away because he really didn’t have that high of a cholesterol problem. He’s been told he could develop diabetes, but given no guidance to avoid it. He’s been told his blood pressure is high but not so that it needs medication. He has reduced lung capacity. He can’t put on his own shoes and socks or walk across the room without breaking into a sweat and losing his breath.

And now his ankle is being held together with plates of titanium, screws, and wires. He wants to walk, but he’s terrified (not spoken just felt) that something is going to go wrong with this.

Nelson has been on several different meds. He has been in counseling. He actually does better when he admits that he’s losing it and just works his way out. That’s what he’s doing now and in the past couple days I can really sense the difference. I think Beth has too.

So this will go on for a season and then we’ll deal with the next thing to come along and I hope when I look at the man across the room I can still remember the sparkle. I cherish him. I just feel helpless at times. But I refuse to be hopeless. So in my weariness I moan for a bit, pray quite a bit, bite my lip, and remember how much I love this man. And how much he loves me.