Ascent

How many people do you know who can change the desktop properties and start crying? I make myself laugh…and cry.

I’ve had yellow tulips on my desktop since I went full-time with the R-company in March. I figured it was time for a change, so I decided to check out what was available to me. I started at the bottom of the list. I almost stopped at “home” because I really like that one, but decided to check out the rest. I got to the top of the list and found “ascent.” I clicked on it. I applied it. I sat and cried.

When I went to jail, way back in February of 2002, several different people, totally independent of one another, directed me to hold on to Psalm 121:
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

I used to think that the “watching” was a very detached thing. I most likely got this from my “growing up place.” We were watched, sometimes when we were unaware, but the watching was usually to catch us doing something wrong. There was very little praise, and I never really felt protected. (I know there’s a real difference between the reality of the protection I received and what I perceived.) It was very easy (translate: natural) to shift that perception to God. You might say that the “theme song” for me growing into adulthood was: Be careful little eyes what you see.

I guess that’s why I continue to be surprised when I detect God’s loving care and protection. I had another one of those revelatory moments earlier this week when I was taking my shower. It was that I was taking a shower and that so can Nelson. Let me explain.

When we moved here to Ashland, we had a difficult time trying to find a house. Landlords and rental agencies don’t rent to felons (especially with my classification), nor do they like to rent to people who have filed bankruptcy (something about liking to get the money). We found one house that we absolutely fell in love with. It was the kind of house that I have dreamt of living in: older with lots of character, knotty pine paneling in the kitchen, nooks and crannies, built ins, and lots of windows. And we could afford it! I wanted it so bad I ached---never a good sign, in my experience. We didn’t get it. They didn’t want to rent to my kind of people.

We weren’t near as enthused about our current house, but it met our needs, was in our budget, and they were willing to rent to us. Perfect. The house has a bath with an old fashioned claw foot tub upstairs and a bath with a shower downstairs. The downstairs bath appears to have been an afterthought. The shower is an inexpensive shower. It’s not a “pretty” room, but it functions wonderfully and is especially appreciated since there is no water pressure in the upstairs—oh, and no hot water.

Now here’s the blessing…we didn’t know when we were looking for a house that Nelson was going to fall and destroy his ankle and not be able to go up stairs. We didn’t know how much we were going to need a first floor bathroom with a shower that he could walk into with his walker. I’m sure we even groused about the poorly constructed, aesthetically unpleasant bathroom when we first moved in not realizing how much of a blessing and provision it would become.

I could go on and on, but let me just say this: yes, it’s been a tough year. I haven’t understood most of what has happened, but this I know for sure: God is lovingly watching out for me and no matter what (and I mean that with the sincerity of the three Hebrew children as they faced the fiery furnace [Daniel 3:17-18]) and I will continue to walk in that truth. Makes me kind of excited to see what’s around the corner—isn’t perspective an amazing thing!