Multi-level Feelings

Wednesday night Beth worked until nearly midnight. When she got in she woke me up—I fall asleep in her bedroom where Asher’s bed is also. I was a little fuzzy, but she was quick to fill me in on her disappointment with work. She feels unappreciated, even though she goes in early every shift and prepares all her stuff and lots of stuff for others. She picks up a shift whenever asked. She’s trained to be a trainer and is being trained on the bar. But this week the lack of respect and appreciation got to her and she wanted me to help her write a resume. As best I could I tried to think through the info we would need—and then I went to bed.

Thursday when I got home she was home from work already. I asked what her plans were. She and R were taking Asher and going to look for a place to live. Run that by me again? I have so many feelings about this—I don’t even know where to start. Yes, I do. It’s exactly what her sister did to me. After letting me create this huge place in my heart for a special little person, they just yank them out. I watched Penelope every single day. She was my girl and then she was gone. I know, not completely, but it’s so different and so hard on the heart. I have watched Asher every day. I look forward to coming home to his smile. I celebrate each new thing. He’s my heart.

That aside, she’s talking about moving in with a guy. We like him. We like how he treats Beth. We love how he is with Asher. They don’t know each well enough to get married, but they can live together? Part of me doesn’t like it. Part of me thinks it’s better than the garbage that can happen if they get married and it doesn’t work out.

As it was they didn’t find a place last night, but they’re still looking. What’s interesting is that they are only looking in one area of town. Beth has decided which elementary school she wants Asher to go to. He’s only 7 ½ months old! I guess it’s never to early to think about these things.

I worked hard today. I mean I really poured it on. I got sort of irritated—downright ticked off at the lackadaisical attitude of some of the workers. Sigh. It sucks to have such an overactive work ethic.

At one point Mr. R came through the plant showing a group from another plant our strengths and processes. He even brought them back to the packaging area. He walked up to me and asked: Do you still work for us? Uh, yeah. I haven’t interviewed with the board for the other position. He said that the new position holds some good things for me. And then he said, “And D’s not such an a**hole to work with.” I laughed out loud. In one sentence, candidly shared, he put so many of my concerns to rest.

Then at the end of the day, D stopped by to drop off everyone’s checks. I giggled internally thinking again about Mr. R’s comment. While we talked, D basically told me that if I wanted the job it was mine. He just wants me to meet with the board so that they can prayerfully verify what he’s already thinking. Sounds like I need to be prayerfully considering my response to their offer.

I’m really ready for this weekend. I have nothing planned. A little reading. A little writing. And a whole lot of watching football! I’m ready, really ready for some football!