Booted

Update on Nelson: Friday I worked half day, but did a whole day’s work. That’s a whole entry in itself…Nelson sat up in the car on this trip. He said it felt better. The visit at the office, however, did not. They cut off the gauze splint and removed the bandages. It ended up pulling terribly on the incisions. He has one incision with about 40 staples down the front of his shin and another on the side his foot below his ankle bone. They only put a couple gauze pads on the incisions and rods left from the holes made by the external fixator and then wrapped it in an Ace wrap.

When that visit was done, they sent us to another office in the same building. There he was fitted for a walking boot—which at this moment seems redundant since is still not to put any weight on the ankle. The boot, however, did bring some relief from pain as it returned support to the seriously sore ankle.

So he’s back in bed. The ankle pain is minimal, but he has developed a new pain in his side at his lower rib cage. We’re not sure if he strained a muscle in all the moving around the other day or what, but it’s making it very hard for him to breath and move. And he can’t move his arm to use his urinal…so guess what that means…

Annie and Penelope went home yesterday evening. It’s quiet in the house again. Last night Beth picked her boyfriend up from work late so she just stayed at his house. That meant Nelson and I were here alone. I just didn’t want to sleep upstairs…alone, so I slept on the couch in the living room to be near Nelson. I slept quite soundly. He said I didn’t even snore…maybe I should sleep there more often.

I didn’t just sleep soundly, I slept long. I didn’t wake up until 8:00. I just don’t do that. I tried to stay quiet so as not to wake Nelson up. He slept until nearly 11:00.

While I was being quiet, I finished reading “Searching for God Knows What.” I received this book as a gift. It has been such a gift. I would highly recommend it—but be prepared, it’s not necessarily a “nice” book. It rattled my cage a few times, challenged me, and made me weep. The author, Donald Miller, is focusing on our relationship with God not the formulas we tend associate with Christianity. Powerful.

In the quiet, I was sitting and reflecting on Miller’s words, on my relationship with God, and my relationship with Nelson. Miller mentioned the story of Hosea and Gomer as an illustration of God’s love in the face of refusal. I was thinking of why so many people ignore and avoid the story. Wait, I think the word I’m really wanting here is resist. People resist the story because they assume the role of Hosea not Gomer. They judge the waywardness of Gomer, her cheating ways—and no one likes to be cheated on! When the reality is we are Gomer and are being loved with an indescribable, totally persuing kind of love.

I was thinking about that persuing love, which of course reminds me of Psalm 139 and the Hound of Heaven. That image and depth of that love is what drew to make a decision to follow Christ. I absolutely longed to be loved that way. I still do. That insatiable desire motivated me to do some things, involve myself in relationships that were completely unhealthy and totally destructive. And all the while, the love I thought I had to grab for was right at my fingertips in my incredible husband and my compassionate Father.

As I pondered these thoughts, I noticed a sign that I had received as a birthday gag. It reads: Happy 39th Birthday Again?! And I wondered: would I want to be 39 again? That would be nine years ago. That would put me back into the summer of 1996. I might go back if I could implement the “stuff” that I’ve learned—much of it the hard way.

Then I wondered: what one truth that I’ve learned in the last nine years would I take with me if I were permitted to do so. And I think it would have to be that nothing I can do, nothing, will make me more loveable; nothing will increase my chances for being loved; nothing will improve my status.

How absolutely different my life would be if I could just believe in my own value. How much pain I could have avoided and how much more fullness could I have enjoyed if I would have just accepted the truth of the Father’s estimation of me, especially as it was demonstrated in Nelson’s love for me.

So that’s how my morning has been. And now it’s race time. And friends (Rhonda and Steve) are coming by for a visit. A good day is just going to get better. I hope yours does too!