A Few More Answers...A Little More ControlI

I went to work for a couple hours this morning. It went well. I had a chance to talk with Buddy for a few minutes. When I started talking about Nelson’s constant pain I just broke down. I must have known that he would understand.

I got to the Medina hospital around 10:15. PT came and got Nelson up and he hopped toward the door. Just as he got close the door his nurse walked in. She announced to us that the ambulance would be there in a half hour to take him to Akron General Hospital and his surgery was scheduled for tomorrow at 4:30. Finally, something definite.

I got Nelson bathed and dressed and we were wondering how late they would be when they walked into the room—early! Imagine that. I was able to get to the new hospital, even though the directions were incorrect. As I walked down the hall to Nelson’s room I saw him laying on the gurney in the hall. That seemed a little odd, but not compared to how odd it was that there wasn’t a bed in the room—and the way the nurses kept apologizing since they had been asking for a bed for hours since they knew he was coming. Sure would have been nice if someone would have let us know. Sheesh. But the fun continued when the bed arrived and then didn’t work. Can you say comedy of errors.

They had quite a bit of trouble finding a vein for an IV and then later for one for the vampire to get bloodwork before surgery. Took 3 nurses each time. We giggled all the way trough it He looked so silly laying there in bed with his Ernie (of Sesame Street) t-shirt on.

We don’t know anynmore details, but it feels good to have him there and know that his surgery is scheduled.

Nelson has insisted that I go to work tomorrow. He says he doesn’t understand why I would want to just sit there with him. I guess it’s a guy thing…at least that’s what some of the guys at work said. They said they’d feel the same way. So I’ll be working. and then heading to the hospital after work—well really, after I stop for a visit with my PO. Gotta get that permission to go to the race.

A couple of things I’ve noticed….First, I want to apologize for ranting on the way I did. I had to sit back and think about where all the frustration was coming from. And I think what got to me the most was the total lack of control. I have never done well when I don’t feel any control. If this was a test I don’t think I did very well. Sigh. I started out okay, but the longer it seemed to with uncertainty I just crumbled. Definitely need to work here.

Then, I scared myself this morning. I used to find my totally identity in my work. I worked myself to death: spiritually and emotionally. I got to the plant at 6:15am this morning. I went in that early to get started on correcting the packaging problem from Friday. As I stood there with sweat dripping off me, working in the half-lit area, I just stopped. There was only so much I could do…there was only so much I was going to try to do. I was going to line things out and delegate it out. Work would go on without me. I needed to be with my husband—whether he wanted me to be there or not. As I stood there in the dark with the truth dawning on me, I also began to feel a much deeper sense of relief and peace.

There’s one more thing I’ve really been wrestling with the past few days, since Nelson fell. The whole reason we moved up here was for Nelson to supervise the building of this huge house. We felt so strongly that we were to move here and it has been nothing but difficult from the get go. And now this? It’s hard not to wonder if we misread. It’s hard not to question. By the end of the day, I heard myself say to a couple different people that this was sure a round about way to get me to my factory job. Is that what this really was all about? Lots of questions…and hopefully a lot of time to answer them.

Well, how’s that for an update? I’ll let you know how surgery goes. Until then, sweet dreams.