Waking Up Early

Are you ever awakened early? I don’t mean, do you wake up a couple minutes before the alarm. And I don’t mean are you having trouble sleeping, like from insomnia or bad dreams (my heart goes out to you if you struggle with those!). I’m thinking about those wee hour happenings, when there’s no doubt that God has roused you from your slumber, when you are wide eyed awake, knowing that there is no other recourse but to get up and get to the business of God.

It’s Sunday morning. I don’t have to be up until 7:30. That’s when Beth wanted me to start playing human alarm clock for her. At that, 7:30 is still sleeping way late for me. I set my alarm as I laid my head to rest last night and smiled at the seeming decadence of the sweet extra sleep.

My eyes opened at 5:33am. I thought perhaps it was a check and roll moment. Nope. I was wide awake. I checked in with God. Are you sure you want me up this early? It’s always good to check the source of wakening. Maybe I just needed to make a quick potty run. Nope. Sigh. Off went the alarm and I scooted out of bed.

I made my potty run–can’t get up without that these days. And then I headed to the computer. I checked my email where I get prayer requests. Nothing there. I went to my two journal sites to check on my favs to see if someone was requesting prayer or sharing a burden that I could take to prayer. Not it. I sat quietly for a moment. Could it be Lord, that this time was just for me? I must confess, that’s not ever happened before. What would I do with this?

In my fav/bookmarked list, I have a folder with different devotional/meditation sites. I decided to work my way through them. It didn’t take long, before I realized that I was right where God wanted me to be: praying, centering, meditating on God and upon the Word. Weeping, confessing, and reaching out to the One who was reaching out to me.

There’s a site that I really, really like to go to for focused meditation. It’s so saturated with the Word and always seems to hit home for me. http://reflections.gospelcom.net/ is the addy. Ken Boa’s style and writing just seems to hit me right where and when I need it. I was amazed at how today’s daily affirmation seemed to sum up all the devotional thoughts and scriptures of the week for me. But not only that, it also pulled out my fears and troublings and helped me to direct them Godward.

It is a good thing to be wakened in the night.

Here’s one of my troublings: I am very troubled about some things that are going on in our Worship Group. I have shared that this group has been such a blessing and answer to prayer for us. Because of legal issues associated with my probation I am not allowed to attend church. We felt completely blessed and provided for when we were able to connect with this group through the Transformation Network that my PO approved our affiliating and worshipping with. They have been so open and accepting.

The Sunday worship group is led by a husband and wife who have started house groups in the past. They tend to work with disenfranchised people. The husband leads the Bible study and he truly has a heart for the Word and for small group ministry. The wife has such a warm, compassionate spirit. I connected with them immediately. There are others in the group equally warm and connectable.

Then there’s this other couple. They lead the Wednesday night prayer time. They found their way to the group because they are recovering alcoholics. They are very passionate for prayer and for the Word. They have considerable money. They have strong opinions. They are somewhat rigid. They are very legalistic. Some of the things they are saying and doing are causing a serious uneasiness and anxiety in my spirit.

For example, Wednesday when we arrived for prayer, D announced that we talk too much and that we were not going to waste any time talking, but get immediately to prayer. It didn’t feel right to me. I felt a strong need to check in with the others, to share what I had "brought" to prayer and find out how and where they were. Nope. Jump in we did.

Then, D began to use prayer time to inform and instruct us. It’s like people can get away with saying things "in prayer" that they can’t say directly to people and people can’t argue with it because it was part of prayer. In my book that’s manipulation and I was horribly uncomfortable with it. Part of what D prayed about was a conflict he was having with the director of T-Net. It wasn’t explicit, but you’d have to have been living under a rock not to get his drift.

The worst part was when he started praying for the "guys in the program." Technically, I’m one of the "guys." I’m a part of T-Net because of my legal issues, because I’m on probation, because I’m working (with God’s help and provision) to put my life back on track. His prayer weighed heavy on my spirit.

When prayer time was over, I was ready to walk out of that building and never go back. I knew that there would be no talking, or reasoning, with this man. It would be as affective as Jesus talking with the Pharisees. I thought about talking to the wife of the worship group leader and I still might do that. I want to check my impressions with someone who was there. Maybe I perceived wrongly. Maybe I over-reacted. I am willing to be wrong and have my attitude and assumptions corrected.

I did talk to the director (who I felt had been maligned in prayer). He’s been concerned that D has been spreading a negative spirit about and through the ministry of T-Net. D and his wife have suggested that the group not meet at T-Net, separate themselves from that ministry altogether. That wouldn’t be good for me since my involvement is directly connected to the connection with T-Net. It’s not that God wouldn’t provide another opportunity for worship, but we were just forming bonds with these people. (Insert a feeling of heartache with a smattering of major disappointment.)

Yesterday (probably in anticipation of having to worship with D and his wife) I sensed a minor churning within. My first inclination was to tell Nelson that I just didn’t want to be a part of the worship group or T-Net any longer. That’s rash and not of God.

Then I was awakened at 5:30 this morning. Then God took me on a journey reminding me of His word, His promises, His continued provision for all my needs. And my heart feels much more at peace. I don’t have the answer for "what" I’m going to do. I feel very content to take it one step at a time and trust that as the situation presents itself, I will have the answers that I will need. I feel no need to rush and I feel no need to run.

And honestly, that feels really, really good.