The Hardest Decisions

I think that the hardest decisions are always between two goods.

This morning I fly out of frigid, flooded Ohio for the sun, sand, and sweetness of a week with my mom in Arizona. We will start playing Scrabble as soon as our eyes are open and play until long after our little heads should have hit the pillow. I love it. It's like I'm catching up on all the "momming" I missed while I was young and she drunk.

I love to walk while I'm out there, too. I take a break from the games and head out for at least an hour hike around town. It's so beautiful there. She lives in Green Valley, just south of Tucson. The town is surrounded by mountains. The contrast in colors from the desert golds to the beautiful blue endless sky steals my breath. I just can't seem to soak enough of it in.

When I'm there I just get a feeling down in my soul, a smile in my heart. It's as if I know at my core that I'm supposed to be out there. My mom would love for us to move out there. She's not even subtle about it in her pleas. It's a temptation that is terribly hard to resist.

But then I have a week like I just had: caring for my granddaughter. And let me tell you...nothing is so sweet or warming to my heart. Even when she pukes three times during the night and I have a mountain of laundry to do already. I can't even imagine not being a part of her life. I don't want to.

So how does one decide? This is a difficult place to be in. I have torn allegences. On the one hand, my relationship with my mom is something that is blossoming and I treasure it, and I don't know how long I will have her in my life. Then, on the other, I also treasure the close bond between my daughter and I...and how could I not be around for every precious thing Penelope does.

I know this is small potatoes compared to issues that others face around the world. I am rich for the relationships that I have. I guess I'm just being selfish. I want to figure out a way to have it all. The trick to that would be to convince Annie's husband that year round golf in Arizona is awesome and he could still go hunting. Then everyone would be in Arizona.

Well, I'm not going to solve this before I get to the airport so I will close. I'll be off here for a week, as mom doesn't have a computer. Can't get her to connect...I'll keep working on that....