Thursday, June 21, 2007

Back Home

Total Scrabble games: 87
Score: Mom 43 Daisy 44
That's the closest we've been and the most games we've ever played!
Today I'm going through withdrawl.

Here are my notes from vacation:
Here's Tina laughing at herself:
-This morning woke up at 2:00am and Mother Nature was screaming in my ear. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed to hop up and CRASH! The momentary disorientation cleared and reality dawned: I was at Mom's not in the cozy confines of my Ohio bedroom. I had tried to get out of bed through the wall. Not always the best plan. Fortunately, I didn't pee myself making this discovery.

-I went to Curves to work out this morning. They have a very nice facility. The staff person was very helpful. I stepped up to my first machine and about threw my hip into the next county. Oh my! I didn't even think about how the machines my set for more fragile bone structures. I was working the glute machine and it was set so much more gently. I just busted out with laughter and kept right on working.

Am I really on vacation? I have already taken three calls from the factory, made one to TCompany, and called the office and the boss to get new equipment. I also had a call from an participant that I'm trying to find a job for. My life is never dull. And before you scold me....I want the packaging folks to call: they're still learning and I don't want them making mistakes. It also gives me continued opportunities to encourage them in their new leadership roles...and okay: it keeps me as the authority that they need to respect and turn to.

Now that last statement may need some clarification. It's not that I want or need anymore to be the "know it all." There was a time (BC--before crime) when it was very important to me and my twisted psyche that I was indispensable. That's not what I'm shooting for here.

The people I work with struggle with two issues (among others of course) in big ways: authority and responsibility. They don't accept the authority of those they should. There are multitudes of reasons why, including ingrained patterns of behavior that can justify any longer other than to say that it's always been that way. Another major reason is that when they were young the people who were supposed to be trusted authorities had the same two issues and they never were able to mold healthy patterns of response in their children. Unfortunately, these kids grow thinking the only person they can trust is themselves, but they're not even really sure about that because they know that their own track record of good decisions doesn't exist.

They need to learn to trust that the person in authority, me, is trustworthy and if in a critical time (like moving to a new facility) I drop off the radar screen then my credibility and their trust drop proportionately. So, the phone will stay on.

As for responsibility, think back to when you were an adolescent. Remember how you wanted all the privileges but none of the responsibility? You think you knew it all, and absolutely knew what was best--until there was a crisis and then it was back to Mom and Dad to bail you out. As adults this leads to poor choices in relationships and in spending time and money. Bad choices result in painful and costly consequences. But who's going to bail you out now? Typically there is no one, and who can you trust anyway? Those who might help always attach some string (like wanting the person to change the behavior that got them in the jam). It's a self-destructive cycle.

I went to the endocrinologist with Mom today. He took an hour with us. He was not happy that Mom's doctor had not sent over the results of her past bone density tests. He wants to run some more tests, but his first thought is that she doesn't have osteomalsia, even though she remembered quite probably having rickets as a child.

The good bad news is that he scheduled her for a 24 hour urine catch and we learned that what he had asked for would actually take two separate days so we will be housebound Sunday morning through Tuesday morning. I guess we'll just have to stay out of the hundred degree weather and play scrabble instead (insert extremely huge cheesy grin).

We did learn that there really isn't any value to taking a vitamin E supplement. Mom had been taking one everyday because they touted to be antioxidant and good for your heart. The doctor said that the recent studies had disproved this and in fact more harm might be done than good.

I also learned from Mom's sharing that she had not taken HRT and that may have contributed to her bone loss. So now how do you know whether HRT is good or bad? I was sort of hoping to be able to avoid it given the familial proclivity to cancer--now I don't know.

Tonight we're having marinated chicken breasts--and I'm cooking. What a hoot! Mom took me grocery shopping yesterday and bought me whatever I wanted. The strawberries look yum!

On Sat...
After a few games of scrabble, Mom and I went to Tubac. This is one of my favorite places. It's an artsy village. There are all kinds of shops. I got everyone's gifts there: t-shirts, rompers for the boys, a puzzle of the Grand Canyon, a mug. We ate lunch at the Tubac Culinary School's Presidio Cafe. Oh my! Mom had a wonderful salad and I had a pannini with grilled eggplant and some other incredible stuff. We finished up our day out with a stop at the Green Valley Nut Company where we bought the rest of the gifts.

In the evening I took a walk to the nearest Walgreens. I finished the Karen Kingsbury book Like Dandelion Dust. It was quite good. All the ladies in our WMS group really like her books. This was my first. I like her style too. I had combed through Mom's books and wasn't really in the mood for her mysteries. So my walk was for exercise, but also to see if I could find something else to read. I perused their Best Seller's display. I picked one up about a 50 year old woman who faced the whole struggle about "not being able to go home." I thought it might be a good read. Then I noticed one called A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. He wrote The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and Message in a Bottle, plus a whole lot more I hadn't heard of. I thought I'd give it a try.

Sunday Morning Bright and Fair...
This morning I took an early walk. I had decided to forgo church this morning. I left the house at 6:05am. It was a beautiful morning. God must have kept the windows open because the airs was so fresh. And while it's been nearly 100 degrees everyday, this morning it was comfortable right between 70 and 80.

Several others were walking as well. Some had two legs while more had four. I was surprised this morning to see more men than women walking, too.

In addition to the crisp morning air and the breath-taking views of the mountains surrounding me, the birds raised their voices. The quail were sounding out their warning. (They always sound like there singing in a bucket to me.) As I walked past one bush a momma and her peep scurried out across the street to safety.

The song of the morning dove is so incredibly mournful. I can't decide whether it is more peaceful or sad. It's such a calming sound. Can you imagine being a baby dove, to be raised surrounded by such a peaceful sound. Mom cringes when I wax on about the beautiful song of the dove. She thinks they're dirty disgusting birds that are far too prolific and should be hunted. It's better for us to play scrabble than to talk about wildlife.

There were so many other chirps and twitters as I walked my three plus miles. There was the chatter of the blue jay. They're so intimidating. They sound so mean. I give them a wide birth. There were some little red headed ones the size of finches. They have a high pitched song. And of course there was the loud call of the crow.

As I walked I talked. First I said thank you to Julia Cameron, the writing guru. I found myself noticing all the bird sounds and using creative adjectives to describe them. In her book The Artist's Way (or something like that, really it's recommended in all her books) she stresses the creative importance of walking everyday and using that time to feed your thoughts and observation skills.

Then I talked with God. It was some sweet one on one time. I remembered ten years ago when I was here visiting Mom. One night as I laid my head on my pillow, I realized that in ten years I would be old enough to live in this age restricted community. And here I am ten years later, no longer dreading the arrival of fifty, but now wishing that I could live in a place like this..

As I walked I noticed several places that have for sale signs. I walked by a couple to see if they have flyers. I don't think I'll ever be able to live in Green Valley. The prices are so high. Tucson might be more realistic and the north side is so wonderfully nestled in the mountains that I think I could be comfortable there.

In my conversation with God, though, he made me aware that there was a deeper transition taking place in me. Each time I have come out here, I just feel a connection in the depths of my being. It's like I'm holding my breath when I'm in Ohio and only really able to breathe here. My thinking is different here, too. I don't feel rushed or pressured. It's like all these visits have been preparing me for slowing down. All the struggles of the past years have been the grist to shape me ready to live a life that is still productive, but very, very different.

I just reread that paragraph. I'm not sure I conveyed those thoughts very well. I'll work some more on that.

Monday.
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I went to work out. It was rather serendipitous (don't you just love that word) that while I was there the owner came in. She had just purchased this Curves within the last year. So I asked her some of the questions I had that pertain to owning a Curves here in the Southwest.

After my workout at Curves I went to the library and spent some time on the computer. I was about an hour into reading and surfing when the electricity went out. There were some pretty upset people--I guess this has happened a couple times lately. I was thankful that I wasn't doing anything really important.

One thing that I accomplished before the lights went out was to begin final arrangements to meet with at cyber-friend during my layover at Dallas/Fort Worth on Wednesday on my way home. I posted on her diary that I had a 3 hour layover and wouldn't it be cool to meet. So we'll see.

Tuesday.
I go home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think about.
I am looking forward to a couple things. Tomorrow during my layover in Dallas/Fort Worth I am going to connect the Happy Wife of OpenDiary. This should be lots of fun!

This morning started out the same as many others:
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I worked out at Curves.
I went to the library.
I came home and we dove into Scrabble-mania.

We decided to go to our favorite Hallmark store, to run by Curves so Mom could buy me a Green Valley Curves shirt, and then have lunch at a quaint little bistro right next to Curves. The bistro was a wonderful choice. We had two luscious salads! And then it was home to dive right back into Scrabble!

I had an interesting conversation with God this morning about the whole idea of moving here. As I drove past the beautiful homes with their enormous price tags, I felt a bit of sadness. There's just no way we'll be able to afford to live here. Not any way that I can imagine.

So maybe here is just about the visits. I know I can live comfortably in Ohio. I know how to do that. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes and simple needs. Just as that thought came to me, I past three high priced luxury cars. I don't know if I would fit in here.

I finished the Sparks book this morning. I really enjoyed it. I will be looking in the library for his other works. When I was at Walmart Sunday night getting some more salad greens I picked up the Susannah's Garden. So far it's a good read too. Go figure: me getting into fiction!

I got my hair cut. Did I mention that? I did that on Friday. It's cut short. I wasn't going to do that. I had decided that since I wasn't working in the factory I would try and let it grow. My girls had been encouraging me to let it grow and I knew Nelson would like that, but it was just getting too shaggy and looked unkempt. So I got it cut short. Pixy-like, almost boy cut. At first I wasn't sure, but I like it so much. There's almost no care to it. It's cute. And way cooler. The only draw back: I'm noticing quite a few more grays. Hmmmmm. Now I wonder if can stick to my no color resolve? Only time and my hairdresser will know..

3 comments:

Saija said...

i'm so glad that you had time with your mom and just away ...

:o)

boy that week went by fast!!

Hope said...

Your holiday sounds wonderful. There is something so good for the soul with a break in place and routine. Hugs.

Anonymous said...

God must have kept the windows open because the airs was so fresh.

love it

and grey hairs too. Dying my hair was NOT for me . I hated it is. Growing it out was horrendous and now I'm going gracefully gray and that's good.

well done on the scrabble.