Write Now

I need to write. I sat in the office today and tried to write and it just didn't work.

RIght now I'm on the porch with my Palm TX and portable keyboard. It is so nice to be outside. My brain feels so much freer than sittng at the desk in the office.

This morning in Sunday School our teacher, one of my favoritest in the universe professors, concluded his series on the great theologians with Henri Nouwen. Wow! I was so moved--tears flowed freely during the closing prayer.

Several things jumped out at me. First, Nouwen wrote at least 40 books. Interestingly, they're all small. If you're unfamiliar with Nouwen, he was a Catholic priest who studied psychology at Menninger in Kansas and was the first to teach abnormal psychology at Notre Dame University. He also taught at Yale and Harvard. He resigned from each position. That in itself is unheard of! He was amazingly learned, degreed, and highly respected, but his books present extremely deep thoughts in ways that the average person can grasp and not in overwhelming volumes or tomes. That spoke volumes to me about some of the "blocks" I've thrown up for writing: I could never write anything substantial (aka long). Nouwen worked from the Greek philosophical principle that big books are boring.

Another thing that moved from the life of Nouwen was the whole "wounded healer" concept. Nouwen was so beloved by his students and friends, but he was extremely wounded and he ministered out of his woundedness. It was his time at Daybreak where he rerally appears to have found his niche. This is something I need to dig more deeply on, especially as it applies to my current ministry setting.

Finally, Dr. Flora brought a copy of Rembrandt's "Return of the Prodigal" and told us about Nouwen's experience in Russia with the painting. I want the book. I want the painting. I want to be able to look so deeply into things. What has kept me from depth? I feel like I have lived my life in the shallow end of the pool. I look at the people that I admire and respect the most and they are the people who think deeply, live deeply, love deeply. Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to people of passioon. But why not me?

At the point when Dr. Flora mentiooned that Nouwen wrote 40 books before he died Nelson leaned over to me and told me I better get started. He really believes that I have something to say. I think I believe it, too. So why don't I?

I tried to blame not writing on not having enough time. Lame. I waste so much time. That's why I came out on the porch to write now. I'm sick of watching TV. I don't want to read more of what other people write--I want to write!

I have tried to usse the excuse that I don't have enough to say. Lamer. I write two devotional guides and a couple blog/journal entries a week. I teach several classes a week. I coach people daily and encourage them in their faith and their work. Nelson would be the first to tell you that I have a lot to say. So why not write it? And I can't hide behind the can't wrrite a big enough book excuse either--say it, say it well, and move on. Big books are good door stops.

I am without excuse. I am also without direction. I am without guidance. Do I need a mentor? Do I need to take a class? Do I just need a swift kick in the seat?

A couple years ago I bought a copy of that year's "Writer's Market Guide." It might even have been a Christian Writers version. At the time I just wanted to try my hand at getting a few of my devotions published. I wonder where that is? I should probably check a more recent copy out of the library.

I need to write. I want to write. At Curves when we're signing up a new member we ask them how long they've been thinking about starting with Curves. Then on their form we write (it's actually part of the script): It's time to stop thinking and get started!

It really is!