What I'm holding on to...

On Sunday night I wrote: Feeling Foolish
It's been a rough weekend for me. It appears that my entire crew decided to decieve me. They all signed in, or had someone sign in for them, saying they worked from 6AM until 2:30PM on Saturday. The problem is that Nelson called me from work at 6:22AM to tell me the air compressor wasn't working. The tow motor wasn't picked up until 7:15AM and one guy signed in at 7, but it was crossed out and 6 was written in instead: in someone else's handwriting. I called one of the guys who worked. He was helping us out. He was hired by the factory last month. I trusted him. I wanted...want to believe he wouldn't lie to me. He says everyone was there at 6 and working.

I called Dan when I started trying to put the pieces together. I was livid. I wanted...want to fire them all. I want to report them all to their probation officers for lying, falsifying records, and stealing from the company. The problem is I can't prove anything. I'm just sick. I have to go in tomorrow morning with a plan. Firing them all is probably not the way to go. Neither is going off half-cocked.

It's Sunday night.I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll go in with no plan and play it by ear. This is probably the worst time for me: I don't want to be me. I don't want to work with these people. I HATE being lied to. I HATE thinking I've been lied to. I HATE looking and feeling this foolish.

I wonder if I could get a job at McDonalds? (Don't worry...I'm not going to quit my job...I"m just ranting a bit tonight so that maybe I'll have a little control tomorrow.)


On Monday I wrote:
I confronted the work crew. I was, of course, completed mistaken. I was, of course, totally in the wrong. Well, except they did sort of own that they didn’t meander into the work place until nearly a quarter past 6. They are not going to be happy with me. I decided that they are not getting paid until 6:30. And if they have a problem with that, I guess they’ll have to figure out what they want to do about it.

Mothers Day was nice. Nelson took me out for dinner at a marvelous restaurant here in town. We ranked the meal up there in our top five of all time eating out experiences. Beth got me a very sweet arrangement of gerbera daisies. Ann called. I spent the day trying to figure out why Asher is all out of sorts. I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be teeth coming in, but I’m not sticking my finger in there to find out. And also, he is learning words. He jabbers non-stop. He thinks he’s saying something and if you don’t get it, he gets extremely frustrated with you. If he spots his jacket, that means he wants to go somewhere NOW! If he brings you his shoes, he wants to go outside---and now is not soon enough and he doesn’t care what time of the day it is or what the temperature is or how tired you might be!

But yesterday he said “mema” twice so it doesn’t matter how fussy he was!

Right now I’m on the phone trying to fix a mess up in an order. It came to the office building and that address is nowhere on the purchase order. I ordered eight rolls of labels and they sent 8 boxes with 4 rolls each. And I ordered ribbons and none of those came. (Picture me shaking my head.) I just got off the phone. They’re still researching the problem. They will get back to me. Meanwhile, I have enough white labels to print on until Jesus comes back—but I won’t be able to because I don’t have the necessary ribbon for the printer. (Insert me, rolling my eyes.)

When I met with the crew this morning, I started off by reading scripture—it was, after all, our devotion time. I read Romans 12:6-18:
6 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. 7 If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. 8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.
9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[e] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[f] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

I started my confrontation by saying that I am not like Dan (my boss). He tends to work from a position of non-trust. I work from a position of trust—and this is sometimes to my detriment.

I don’t want to become the kind of person who operates out of distrust or no trust. What ever became of honor? There doesn’t seem to be much loyalty going around either. And that which would present itself most commonly as honor, or loyalty, or trustworthiness, is merely a masquerade for something much more self-serving.

I wear a bracelet that I got when Nelson were on our anniversary weekend getaway. It is inscribed with verses from 1 Corinthians 13: Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

That’s what I chose to hold on to…it’s what’s holding on to me.