Deep Breath

I had to take a lot of deep breaths today. It helped a little. I just couldn’t believe it. And yet I should have absolutely not been surprised.

Right before lunch we were running out of parts to package. I knew that the production line had a basket about 2/3 full that would be ready. I knew that the plant’s production manager (my boss) had put a rush on the work so that my crew would have work to keep them busy. I told the crew (twice) that we were going to work until the parts were done. It was 10:50 so I told them to head to lunch and the basket would be there when they got back.

I was detained 5 minutes by a phone call and when I arrived in our work area the crew had signed out. They had decided that they didn’t want to finish the work and not have anything to do tomorrow so they left. Well, I used my anger energy to move my feet to my office and called the director of T-Net and let him know what had happened. Fortunately, I reached him before they did. He chewed them out and two of the crew came back. One of them said she didn’t want to work. The other knew he was wading in deep doo-doo so he tried schmoozing and blowing smoke. I sent them home. There is no work until Friday.

After they left I talked to the director again. I told him they came out. I told him I sent them home. He told me they told him that I never told them to work until the parts were gone. Friday morning we’re going to have a meeting where they can call me a liar to my face.

I’m a rehearser. I practice anticipated conversations. I’ve done this since I was a child. Some attribute this to being raised in an alcoholic family and my need to be prepared for anything that came my way. After about 20 rehearsings and rehashings, I just had to tell myself to stop! I was alone in my work area and I just started talking/praying out loud.

“God, I don’t want to do this any more. It doesn’t help me to feel better to keep going over this. I don’t want to feel angry. I don’t know why I expected anything other than what I got. These folks are in this position because this very kind of behavior, this very lack of work ethic. I don’t need to think about this. Help me to move on, to do my work, to keep only positive and helpful thoughts. Thank you.”

It was a good prayer. I had to pray it (sort of again) after I got home and Nelson asked how my day went. I was able to regain my peace about it.

I’m still going to Curves. Nelson is still working hard at therapy. Beth took Asher to Sears to get pictures taken. It’s hot here. I had thought about mowing but took a shower instead. The grass will be there tomorrow.

Speaking of Curves…I bought a pedometer. I used it yesterday and was pretty impressed with how I did—then it reset itself, because I hadn’t set it right. Grrrrr. Today it worked right. As of right now, 12241 steps, 409calories, 4.25 miles. I feel good about that. I know that it’s keeping me moving at work. I take the longer path to reach where I’m going. And I am feeling good about it. And that’s what really matters.

Oh, and I sent the letter—after I made the corrections. Guess we will really see what we see.