Transformation Network

Yesterday I had a meeting with two men who head-up the Transformation Network (TN) here in Ashland. I was clued into to them while meeting with one of my former seminary professors, Mike Rueschling. He recommended them for a couple reasons. First, he knew that there were groups and experiences being offered there that I could benefit from participating in and also he felt it might be a place where I could use my gifts.

I learned about some of the opportunities when I called on Wednesday and talked with Dan. One of the things that the TN offers is a Sunday morning worship time. They did this primarily to meet the need of individuals who had criminal records and wouldn’t feel comfortable in a traditional “church” setting, but also for sexual offenders who weren’t permitted to attend “church.” Both Dan and I were wondering why my PO had not recommended this as an option for me.

So on Thursday I told my story again to Dan and Bob. They asked me questions and I gave them honest answers. They described their offereings. (They don’t like to call them “programs” so it becomes challenging to not use that term.) I asked them questions. There was a lot of information laid on the table.

One of the things offered is a work program. They do piece work for one of the local factories. The pay isn’t all that great, $5.50 an hour, but that sure beats $0 all to pieces! They’re on a break right now, but as soon as they start back up I’m going to access that. Mostly what I’ll do (according to the way Dan is thinking now is assemble the boxes that the others will put the pieces in).

There is a morning time of devotions and prayer before heading to the factory at 7:30am. The problem with participating in that is I’m usually putting Nelson’s socks and shoes right about then. We’ll just have to see how that works out.

There are a couple of studies offered. One is affiliated with Lifeskills International. This is the only offering that costs and it’s on a sliding fee scale. They have a men’s group and women’s group. If I take the group twice and do well, I could be recommend for the leader training–in Colorado! That would be down the road since my PO is clear that she doesn’t want me leading anything right now. There are two other studies and a midweek prayer and Bible Study.

One of the things that TN is working on is turning one of the large areas in the building into a non-alcoholic/non-smoking Sports Bar. This will be complete with the typical chotzkies and memorabilia for decorations, TV’s, and grill food. Since the guys are on shut down from the factory they are putting in time on this project. The goal is to offer a place for gathering that is positive (aka within the parameters of most PRC requirements) for developing relationships. I think it’s a really neat idea.

Nelson and I spent a lot of time talking about the meeting and everything I learned. He seemed really skeptical, but at least willing to check things out. It’s hard for him to adapt and feel comfortable. I think in the long run he’s going to do well. Much of what was discussed at TN reminded me of the kind feel and ministry that we a part of at Southside (our church in Springfield). Hopefully, he’ll see that too.

So, on Sunday morning we’re going to attend “church” together at TN. I’m really looking forward to it. It’ll be the first time in two months.

Reflection on these pieces…
As I try and step back and reflective on how things have progressed here, I am once again struck by my lack of trusting and God’s amazing provision. Why is it so hard to trust that even though I feel absolutely blindsided by events, God is not surprised by what’s going on in my life? Why was I so filled with despair and hopelessness?

When I moved here and was told I could attend church and couldn’t have the internet. I thought my world was falling apart. Then I got the internet back. Then I began to trust that God was/is preparing the best church situation for me. Then I was moved to the doorstep of the Transformation Network. And it all seems so good. And I wonder where all that despair and hopelessness came from?

I don’t even like the answers. I AM dependent upon things. I DO draw my peace from temporal things. I over-value the stuff of this life. I want to believe that life will make sense and be fair. Then, when it doesn’t I’m shaken and confused and I wonder how God could be missing what was going on. If I could convince myself that Jeremiah 29:11 is still true, then I start frantically looking for the lessons to be learned—as if failure to find the “right” answer would somehow negate the lesson altogether. In my frantic search I often miss that the lesson or truth was presenting itself to me.

And there it is. And here’s my prayer: God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for not trusting, for not believing that you really are in control. And more than that, for not believing that you really do have plan and purpose for good and to your glory. I get so stuck looking for my answer, that I am unprepared to receive your best. I am so busy looking that I don’t see your loving provision as it appears right before me. Thank you that your love continues. Thank you that you gently lead me. Please, please, please keep teaching me, keep revealing yourself to me, keep me mindful of the journey. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.