A Decision Made

Yesterday some things started to unfold that required a decision from me. A couple weeks ago I noticed that there were a couple of local paper delivery routes listed for areas close to my home. Initially when I mentioned the idea of paper routes to my PO she discouraged the idea because she thought that collecting was involved. That isn’t the case. All fees are taken care of by the mail. So this would be pure delivery.

I got the exact routes from the paper office today. There are two, with 27 accounts on each one. The income is about $80 per month. The papers arrive about 3:30am and have to be delivered by 6:30am. The paper supplies the rubber bands and bags. I would be able to finish the routes in time to go to the Transformation Network and the piecework job (if they get another contract). That means I could possibly make $475 a month. I don’t know how they pay at the TN, but the paper routes are considered contract work so I would be responsible for taxes and such. Having some income sounds good, especially since Nelson is definitely going to have to look for work. They have no jobs lined up until they start on the house in the spring. I mean Christmas is fast approaching as well as Penelope’s first birthday. The Kia needs work. And Nelson’s truck is still waiting to for him to be able to afford a part so the work on that can get done. If he’s not working for the builder he won’t have access to the work truck so there’s some serious expense.

But back to the paper route…I meet tomorrow with my PO and I will have to convince her about the paper routes—if I want to do that. I’m just not sure. We’re coming in to some serious winter weather and is that very meager wage worth the work that is going to be required. And we won’t have health insurance, which is something to consider with colds and flu and unshoveled walks.

When Nelson got home last night, we talked about the paper route idea. I began to realize that this was an idea born out of desperation. I had been weighing the pros and cons for most of the afternoon and I decided it just wasn't worth it.

Here was Nelson's take: why would you take any job that only paid $2 an hour? Granted Beth doesn't make much more than that as a server, but she also gets fairly good tips--so it doesn't compare.

So I continue to be unemployed, but looking.

I meet with my PO in a few hours. A friend had asked me about what type of work my PO was requiring of me. The problem is that there have been no suggestions posed by the PO and really no expectations given. I'm hoping that my volunteering at the Transformation Network will suffice until somthing better comes along.

Here's the thinking behind why getting a job is required (or at least my take on it): work resulting in pay enables criminals to first and foremost pay their fines (not an issue for me, since mine is already paid); second gainful employment keeps the ex-con occupied so that they can't return to crime; and finally, work (supposedly) improves the ex-con's self-esteem so that they won't be tempted to return to crime and will work to continue to improve their life.

There are some flaws in this thinking as it applies to me, but I can see some validity for others--maybe.
Flaw #1: The jobs that will generally hire persons who report their criminal status honestly, are low paying, low satisfaction, and provide little to no incentive to keep the position, let alone improve the quality of one's life (or their family).

Flaw #2: Persons who end up taking these positions are usually so deameaned that it doesn't take long for feelings of inadequacy, futility, and hopelessness take over.
In our depressed economy, where there are far more people looking for work who have no criminal background, the opportunities are few and extremely far betwen. It is illegal to lie about one's criminal background (and grounds for immediate dismissal). And trust me, it only delays the inevitable to not tell when not asked.

This morning at devotions at TN at one point we were talking about how we tend to try and control things in our lives (can I get a witness?). One of the responses that may not look initially like control is withdrawl, especially withdrawl from risk. My example was my frustration with applying for work and the temptation to withdrawl so as to avoid further rejection. There was real resonnace and support from the others around the table. I felt normal. It wasn't necessarily a "good" feeling, but I sure didn't feel alone.

Goodness, that was probably more than was necessary to just say I'm not going to take the paper routes. But in saying that, I realize that I have to deal with still being unemployed. I don't need to respond to that in desperation, but be okay with where I'm at and trust. Trust. Trust the process. Trust that at the right time the right job will be mine. And until then, be fruitful and productive in whatever ways I can be.