Kick But
This week an idea came to me while I was working out. I think well in the morning and the endorphins must have really been flowing this day.
Anyway, my mind started playing with word pictures. I do this quite often. When I’m walking or driving I’ll just start down this trail chasing thoughts and words, it’s kind of fun really. Some of the ideas would make great devotionals but I tend not to write them down and they just float off never to be shared.
Today, I decided to challenge that pattern and I wrote down what I was thinking! So here’s the way it went:
I set the machine at a more difficult level and was really feeling like it was “kicking my butt.” And that phrase began to trip around my mind.
Kick “but” out of here. Peter in Acts 10, when confronted by his vision responded with “Yes Lord, but…” I have often preached that you can’t do both: He is either Lord or not, there is no room for a “but” in following Him.
Get your butt out of here. From physical temple concept of caring for one’s body. I carry around way to much butt and that’s because I sit on it when I should be exercising it. I eat poorly, wrong food, wrong times, wrong reasons. I am responsible for the shape my shape is in and I am trying to act more responsibly and kick that butt out of here!
Another but out, came as I was thinking about where I stick my nose. Isn’t that a weird one? We stick our nose in someone else’s business and we’re told to butt out. Anyway, I had to think about where I’ve butted in and where I need to stop and how many conversations I don’t need to be a part of.
Put your butt out. Thinking of prayer posture. This thought came to me during a particularly moving praise song. Part of me wanted to stop and just fall prostrate on the floor—but since my time was running (and running out before work) I prostrated myself in my heart and remembered that falling at the feet of God is not such a bad spot to be, and if he spanks my behind while I’m there—I probably deserve it!
So then a couple days later while listening to music and working out another word play came to mind: rain and reign. And then a dim little bulb clicked on in my brain: what about writing these down—you know like in a book. (Novel idea: hahahahaha) I love word plays. I love writing devotionally. I could write a book and call it: Homonyms for the Heart. I liked the idea so much that I even started to do some research on homonyms. There’s quite a list. My mind was racing so fast that my fingers couldn’t keep up.
Anyway, I’m just a little excited about this. Then I got this really cool idea: maybe the people I know have some ideas to share. So if you do email me and I will consider adding your thought to my collection. Now excuse me, I have some research to do!
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Round About
Friday I got up early and went in to work. I worked out for 30 minutes on the elliptical trainer. I really liked the machine—I felt like I got a wonderful workout and nothing hurt (like knees or hips).
Saturday I walked in the afternoon. I just took off out of the house and 50 minutes later I got home. It was such a beautiful day I just kept walking. My feet didn’t even hurt!
I rested from exercise on Sunday.
This morning I got up and went in for another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still like it.
I was thinking when I was walking on Saturday. I do that sometimes. I learned that one of my closest friends from High School is a professor of cardiology at the University of Michigan. Another friend is an associate professor and associate dean at the University of Connecticut. Another is Director of the Northern Illinois University School of Music.
When I learned these things, my first thoughts were sad and regret-filled. Imagine that. Then my thoughts took a turn. Instead of continuing down Bemoaning Avenue, I headed straight towards Gratitudeville.
Instead of dwelling on what isn’t or what might have been, I began to consider what I had done. I’ve taught at three seminaries, amongst a whole list of other accomplishments. I was a pastor/chaplain/counselor for a total of 21 years and I was good at what I did. I don’t mean that arrogantly, but I have worked hard on being able to own that. One of the most powerful things ever said about me was said by my chaplain supervisor when he said (in an evaluation) that I was “good for people.”
I may never know who’s life I touched at the right time in the right way because I chose to be faithful in spite of the “smallness” of the assignment. I may be only making hoses right now, but I may not see why I am here doing what I am doing, I have to believe that there is purpose and continued plans for me.
On the tale end of that whole set of thinkings came a thought that sort of tickled me. The core issue is widely debated in theological circles—a debate I chose to stay out of for many reasons, the main one being I think we use a whole lot of time (not necessarily to be confused with waste) debating that could be used to creatively bring us together rather than drive us apart.
Anyway…here’s the thought: If it was ordained (or pre-ordained) that I should be ordained, was it ordained that I become un-ordained? And if so why? And trust me, the question is rhetorical. I’m not looking for an answer. And I’ll tell you why: I’ll stand with Job on this one: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. It’s not my place to argue, or even understand. However, whenever he wants to use me I’m there and I’ll try not to muck it up too badly this time.
Well, I fell asleep last night while writing this one. I’m still trying to get up at 4:30 and that’s hard when the shows I like are on at 9 and 10. Getting up early has definitely curbed my TV viewing time.
So I’m off to the elliptical…see you around…..
Saturday I walked in the afternoon. I just took off out of the house and 50 minutes later I got home. It was such a beautiful day I just kept walking. My feet didn’t even hurt!
I rested from exercise on Sunday.
This morning I got up and went in for another 30 minutes on the elliptical. I still like it.
I was thinking when I was walking on Saturday. I do that sometimes. I learned that one of my closest friends from High School is a professor of cardiology at the University of Michigan. Another friend is an associate professor and associate dean at the University of Connecticut. Another is Director of the Northern Illinois University School of Music.
When I learned these things, my first thoughts were sad and regret-filled. Imagine that. Then my thoughts took a turn. Instead of continuing down Bemoaning Avenue, I headed straight towards Gratitudeville.
Instead of dwelling on what isn’t or what might have been, I began to consider what I had done. I’ve taught at three seminaries, amongst a whole list of other accomplishments. I was a pastor/chaplain/counselor for a total of 21 years and I was good at what I did. I don’t mean that arrogantly, but I have worked hard on being able to own that. One of the most powerful things ever said about me was said by my chaplain supervisor when he said (in an evaluation) that I was “good for people.”
I may never know who’s life I touched at the right time in the right way because I chose to be faithful in spite of the “smallness” of the assignment. I may be only making hoses right now, but I may not see why I am here doing what I am doing, I have to believe that there is purpose and continued plans for me.
On the tale end of that whole set of thinkings came a thought that sort of tickled me. The core issue is widely debated in theological circles—a debate I chose to stay out of for many reasons, the main one being I think we use a whole lot of time (not necessarily to be confused with waste) debating that could be used to creatively bring us together rather than drive us apart.
Anyway…here’s the thought: If it was ordained (or pre-ordained) that I should be ordained, was it ordained that I become un-ordained? And if so why? And trust me, the question is rhetorical. I’m not looking for an answer. And I’ll tell you why: I’ll stand with Job on this one: the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord. It’s not my place to argue, or even understand. However, whenever he wants to use me I’m there and I’ll try not to muck it up too badly this time.
Well, I fell asleep last night while writing this one. I’m still trying to get up at 4:30 and that’s hard when the shows I like are on at 9 and 10. Getting up early has definitely curbed my TV viewing time.
So I’m off to the elliptical…see you around…..
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Early Rising
Day One
3:57AM
That's what the clock said when I woke up this morning.
I had been dreaming about running water...never something to be ignored--especially at my age!
At first I groaned.
Then I got up and colored my hair.
Then I did the rest of my morning routine and got to my work place at 6:28.
I put on my headset and listened to the music for this coming Sunday's service and walked really hard for 25 minutes.
I feel good. Real good!
Day Two
Okay, not awake quite as early, but bame it on American Idol.
Got to work a little earlier and got a full 30 minutes of walking in. It felt good--really good this morning. I work tennis shoes instead of my work (steel toes) shoes. At one point the coolest thing happened. I was listening to a worship song and just really got into the praising and it felt like I was walking on my toes. I was dancing, no it was lighter than that--it was like soaring. It was like a wonderful softness lifted my heart and I was lifted above some of the weightiness of recent days, or months. What a super blessed moment!
I noticed that my pants felt loser. I know that I haven't lost any more weight (as of this morning I'm still at nine pounds down), but perhaps things are shifting around a little. And that's all good!
Now I'm heading off to bed. I stayed up to watch the Idol results and switched over to Criminal Minds on a commercial. Before I realized it Idol was over. Guess I'll check out the results in the morning. Right now I'm just going to turn off the light and catch some serious zzzzzzzzzzzz.
3:57AM
That's what the clock said when I woke up this morning.
I had been dreaming about running water...never something to be ignored--especially at my age!
At first I groaned.
Then I got up and colored my hair.
Then I did the rest of my morning routine and got to my work place at 6:28.
I put on my headset and listened to the music for this coming Sunday's service and walked really hard for 25 minutes.
I feel good. Real good!
Day Two
Okay, not awake quite as early, but bame it on American Idol.
Got to work a little earlier and got a full 30 minutes of walking in. It felt good--really good this morning. I work tennis shoes instead of my work (steel toes) shoes. At one point the coolest thing happened. I was listening to a worship song and just really got into the praising and it felt like I was walking on my toes. I was dancing, no it was lighter than that--it was like soaring. It was like a wonderful softness lifted my heart and I was lifted above some of the weightiness of recent days, or months. What a super blessed moment!
I noticed that my pants felt loser. I know that I haven't lost any more weight (as of this morning I'm still at nine pounds down), but perhaps things are shifting around a little. And that's all good!
Now I'm heading off to bed. I stayed up to watch the Idol results and switched over to Criminal Minds on a commercial. Before I realized it Idol was over. Guess I'll check out the results in the morning. Right now I'm just going to turn off the light and catch some serious zzzzzzzzzzzz.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Good Day
That was too much fun to be considered work.
This morning the music went very well in the first service. Even the part where I accompanied the worship team solo!
Then I had the blessing of joining our fellowship. It was an exciting moment for me. At one point I looked up and caught the eye of my favorite prof. He smiled such an approving smile. It was a sweet moment.
Then it was time to teach the Sunday School class. Magical. Energy zapping. It was so wonderful. Each time I have an opportunity to speak/teach/preach I draw from this bottomless pit of energy. I hit the floor running. This group was so easy to teach. They were with me from the git-go. And then, when it was over there were sooooooooo many strokes and soooooo much encouragement. Prof came up to me and complimented me. The owner of our company came to me and told me it was a good job. Several people asked if/when I was going to teach a quarter. Nelson told me that it blessed him, too. He loves to hear me speak.
After class we came home, nabbed the baby, and went to lunch at Applebees. Little Asher is definitely an Applebaby. All the servers and managers stopped by the table, many took a few moments to hold him and love on him. It’s so sweet.
And now I’ve got my feet up and am enjoying a cup’o coffee and resting before the race. It’s definitely been a good day!
This morning the music went very well in the first service. Even the part where I accompanied the worship team solo!
Then I had the blessing of joining our fellowship. It was an exciting moment for me. At one point I looked up and caught the eye of my favorite prof. He smiled such an approving smile. It was a sweet moment.
Then it was time to teach the Sunday School class. Magical. Energy zapping. It was so wonderful. Each time I have an opportunity to speak/teach/preach I draw from this bottomless pit of energy. I hit the floor running. This group was so easy to teach. They were with me from the git-go. And then, when it was over there were sooooooooo many strokes and soooooo much encouragement. Prof came up to me and complimented me. The owner of our company came to me and told me it was a good job. Several people asked if/when I was going to teach a quarter. Nelson told me that it blessed him, too. He loves to hear me speak.
After class we came home, nabbed the baby, and went to lunch at Applebees. Little Asher is definitely an Applebaby. All the servers and managers stopped by the table, many took a few moments to hold him and love on him. It’s so sweet.
And now I’ve got my feet up and am enjoying a cup’o coffee and resting before the race. It’s definitely been a good day!
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Roller Coaster
Please keep hands and feet inside the ride at all times! (Can you tell I worked at an amusement park?)
It has seemed like a bit of a roller coaster this week. Just an update of sorts on Nelson: work conditioning is back on. Nelson had an appointment with the PA at the surgeon on Friday. He watched Nelson walk. He prescribed a cane and told him to get rid of the crutch. And even with what the report from the 2nd opinion doc and the physical therapist, the PA went the route of the surgeon.
Let’s see if I can describe this so you can picture it: when you walk you roll from toe to heel and your knee bends in the process (take a couple steps and see what I mean). Nelson hasn’t got the ability to bend his toes up like that and therefore his knee doesn’t bend. The left foot is sort of stationary and the weight goes down on the outside of his foot. So he takes a step with the right leg/foot and there’s a hop/step with the left. This process is painful for the left side, but we think it’s exactly how his back went out: his right side has to totally overcompensate. What fun is this?
Work had some really good moments this week for me. I got at least a cursory inventory completed so that I know what’s on my shelves—and what’s not. The down side was that I really messed up on the first big order I did. I missed some things, just completely overlooked them. They also said I forgot some other stuff, and I just don’t see how. I felt pretty bad for what I know I did wrong. I’ve already implemented tools to keep this kind of thing from happening again.
But bigger than work, something sort of major occurred. I have been in contact with the district office of the Church of the Nazarene where my credentials were being held while I was under discipline. Before we moved here, I had been working with them to resign my credentials. The issue had been presented to the District Advisory Board and they approved the request. The request was to be presented by the District Superintendent to the General Board in Kansas City. He didn’t do it. Twice. I stopped pursuing the matter until February when I began the process for joining the church we are now attending. That’s when I learned nothing had been done.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with the District Superintendent directly. I was able to connect with the District Secretary who made several calls. It turned out that the new manual of the Church of the Nazarene went into affect on March 1, 2006. The new procedure doesn’t require that the Board of General Superintendents address these matters. The responsibility falls back on the District Advisory Boards—and fall it did. So since they had voted unanimously to recommend my resignation, this was accepted.
So I am no longer clergy. I am laity. I’ve been functioning that way since Oct. 2001, but now it’s official. It’s good to have that be official and over, but I must confess I feel sad. And now, like Nelson, I wonder what lies out there for me.
I do know this: tomorrow morning I’m going to teach our Sunday School class. There are 60 in the class on average. Two of my most favorite professors are there. My supervisor and the owner of the company. One of my co-workers and the office assistant. And all the rest of those folks. I need to finish my presentation so I should probably jet out of here for now.
Wait for the ride to come to a complete stop before exiting the car. Thanks for riding with us!
It has seemed like a bit of a roller coaster this week. Just an update of sorts on Nelson: work conditioning is back on. Nelson had an appointment with the PA at the surgeon on Friday. He watched Nelson walk. He prescribed a cane and told him to get rid of the crutch. And even with what the report from the 2nd opinion doc and the physical therapist, the PA went the route of the surgeon.
Let’s see if I can describe this so you can picture it: when you walk you roll from toe to heel and your knee bends in the process (take a couple steps and see what I mean). Nelson hasn’t got the ability to bend his toes up like that and therefore his knee doesn’t bend. The left foot is sort of stationary and the weight goes down on the outside of his foot. So he takes a step with the right leg/foot and there’s a hop/step with the left. This process is painful for the left side, but we think it’s exactly how his back went out: his right side has to totally overcompensate. What fun is this?
Work had some really good moments this week for me. I got at least a cursory inventory completed so that I know what’s on my shelves—and what’s not. The down side was that I really messed up on the first big order I did. I missed some things, just completely overlooked them. They also said I forgot some other stuff, and I just don’t see how. I felt pretty bad for what I know I did wrong. I’ve already implemented tools to keep this kind of thing from happening again.
But bigger than work, something sort of major occurred. I have been in contact with the district office of the Church of the Nazarene where my credentials were being held while I was under discipline. Before we moved here, I had been working with them to resign my credentials. The issue had been presented to the District Advisory Board and they approved the request. The request was to be presented by the District Superintendent to the General Board in Kansas City. He didn’t do it. Twice. I stopped pursuing the matter until February when I began the process for joining the church we are now attending. That’s when I learned nothing had been done.
Fortunately, I didn’t have to deal with the District Superintendent directly. I was able to connect with the District Secretary who made several calls. It turned out that the new manual of the Church of the Nazarene went into affect on March 1, 2006. The new procedure doesn’t require that the Board of General Superintendents address these matters. The responsibility falls back on the District Advisory Boards—and fall it did. So since they had voted unanimously to recommend my resignation, this was accepted.
So I am no longer clergy. I am laity. I’ve been functioning that way since Oct. 2001, but now it’s official. It’s good to have that be official and over, but I must confess I feel sad. And now, like Nelson, I wonder what lies out there for me.
I do know this: tomorrow morning I’m going to teach our Sunday School class. There are 60 in the class on average. Two of my most favorite professors are there. My supervisor and the owner of the company. One of my co-workers and the office assistant. And all the rest of those folks. I need to finish my presentation so I should probably jet out of here for now.
Wait for the ride to come to a complete stop before exiting the car. Thanks for riding with us!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Medical Update
Nelson is resting right now. He’s exhausted from all the walking. He thanks you for your prayers—and so do I!
He spent 45 minutes with the second opinion doctor. First, this doctor said he probably would have done the same thing as the ER doctor: pass the case off to Dr. K (Nelson’s surgeon). Dr. K is quite well know and respected.
He did a lot to check Nelson’s mobility and examined the x-rays quite closely. He had read and was familiar with the recommendations of the physical therapist and rehab director.
He felt that Nelson may actually take up to 2 years to fully rehab and during that time he might want to consider taking college classes or vocational training to prepare for the probability that he won’t be able to return to construction work. He also said that Nelson does need rehab/PT, though not work conditioning at this time, to strengthen his whole leg and improve his ability to walk—without the crutch.
Nelson was able to ask some question and got a lot more information in that 45 minutes than he has since last June. This new doctor pointed out that Nelson’s pulse was good in his left foot, that hair was growing—which indicates good circulation. When Nelson asked about the horrible dryness (that just defies all lotions) of his foot, the doctor said that the problem is related to the extreme trauma that the foot/ankle endured and it will take quite a while to improve.
The doctor asked about the possibility of light duty work with Nelson’s former employer. Nelson had checked on this before the visit and was told that the there was not much hope of that, and definitely not on a regular basis. So, I’m not sure what we’re going to do financially for the next couple years. But it looks like Beth will have someone to watch Asher.
The next step is an appointment on Friday with the assistant to the surgeon and then a PT session. But how we will proceed will be the decision of Workers’ Comp based on the report from the second doc.
So nothing is definite, but it feels good that we were heard and have a few more answers.
He spent 45 minutes with the second opinion doctor. First, this doctor said he probably would have done the same thing as the ER doctor: pass the case off to Dr. K (Nelson’s surgeon). Dr. K is quite well know and respected.
He did a lot to check Nelson’s mobility and examined the x-rays quite closely. He had read and was familiar with the recommendations of the physical therapist and rehab director.
He felt that Nelson may actually take up to 2 years to fully rehab and during that time he might want to consider taking college classes or vocational training to prepare for the probability that he won’t be able to return to construction work. He also said that Nelson does need rehab/PT, though not work conditioning at this time, to strengthen his whole leg and improve his ability to walk—without the crutch.
Nelson was able to ask some question and got a lot more information in that 45 minutes than he has since last June. This new doctor pointed out that Nelson’s pulse was good in his left foot, that hair was growing—which indicates good circulation. When Nelson asked about the horrible dryness (that just defies all lotions) of his foot, the doctor said that the problem is related to the extreme trauma that the foot/ankle endured and it will take quite a while to improve.
The doctor asked about the possibility of light duty work with Nelson’s former employer. Nelson had checked on this before the visit and was told that the there was not much hope of that, and definitely not on a regular basis. So, I’m not sure what we’re going to do financially for the next couple years. But it looks like Beth will have someone to watch Asher.
The next step is an appointment on Friday with the assistant to the surgeon and then a PT session. But how we will proceed will be the decision of Workers’ Comp based on the report from the second doc.
So nothing is definite, but it feels good that we were heard and have a few more answers.
A Prayer Request
Today, my husband has to travel to two hospitals and a clinic to retrieve all the x-rays taken of his ankle last summer and subsequent to his surgeries and take them to a new doctor to get a second opinion. The travel isn't easy, but much more difficult (and painful) will be going into each place and getting back to the car. I'm trying not to worry, or even concern myself, but it's hard.
Will you pray for Nelson today for me? Pray for the stamina required to get all the x-rays and get to the new doctor. And please, please pray with me that this new doctor will take seriously our concerns, watch Nelson walk, and make recommendations that we can live and work with.
Thank you.
Will you pray for Nelson today for me? Pray for the stamina required to get all the x-rays and get to the new doctor. And please, please pray with me that this new doctor will take seriously our concerns, watch Nelson walk, and make recommendations that we can live and work with.
Thank you.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
Weekly Review
In many respects, this was a better week for me. That’s not to say it was without many challenges, but somehow I handled them better.
Nelson’s back has finally stopped hurting so terribly. That’s not to say that it doesn’t hurt at all, but he can live with the pain once again and not keep moaning. He battled a bit with a cold this week, but it didn’t go full blown on him which is a miracle and quite a blessing! He has been kinder to me also which has also made my responses gentler.
Beth is back to work full swing. Nelson watched Asher three times this week and I had duty (such a burden—ha!) last night and again tomorrow. Beth also did battle with some kind of bug. I think it was partly just about getting back to work. Asher is growing so!! He’s also sleeping for about 5 hours at a time at night.
Sunday night we got a call from Pastor and he asked to meet with Nelson and I on Monday. My first thought was that someone had raised issue with my being there due to my crime and status. That wasn’t exactly the case. Pastor did however wonder if we needed to make the worship team aware since one of the couples’ (the piano player and bass player) children (teenagers) have started helping out in the band. I agreed and on Tuesday before practice I talked to the team leader and then afterward to the wife of the couple. I was nervous and somewhat fearful that sharing the issue might result in my needing to back out of the team. Once again grace paved the way for a receptivity that I wouldn’t have imagined. I am abundantly thankfull.
Thursday was a really rough day at work. D, the gal I trained to take my place in packaging, and I were going to do an inventory in my new area. The more we tried the more ridiculous it seemed and the more frustrated I got. If I had been given some of the things I had been asking for (over and over)—items to help me understand what I was working with and on then it might have been different. I really felt like my hands were tied and I was being asked to turn off my brain. I can’t work that way. The frustration built to where I finally confronted the guy who should have trained me better, who was “withholding” information, and making my job hellacious. I told him I was ready to quit. I told him that when I asked questions I wasn’t questioning his authority, I was just trying to understand so that I could do my job and do it well. If I can’t do a good job, I’m not going to do the job. I think he finally got it. He brought out some really helpful schematics and took some extra time to explain things. I felt so much better about what I learned. What I don’t feel better about is that it is beginning to feel like I have to threaten to quit for him to finally hear me. That piece is going to have to change.
D is the gal that I took to the clinic on Feb. 14. She finished her round of prednizone on Tuesday of this week and immediately proceeded to get sick again. On Thursday after helping me for about an hour she could barely breathe. She was afraid she would lose her job if she had to leave work. I worked with her in talking to Ed about that and she did go home. She called me about an hour after she left and had decided to go to the ER. She spent half the day there. She called me when she finally got home. They gave her 4 breathing treatments and an IV antibiotic and then sent her home. They gave her a diagnosis of COPD. I had to talk with her about what that was and will be getting her more information. My heart just aches for her. She took Friday off and so hopefully she’ll be feeling better on Monday.
Friday night there was a gathering for the women of the church. It was a game night. We were instructed to wear our jammies or comfy clothes. I went with the jammies and donned my Pooh slippers as well! Since it was my night to watch Asher, he came along. He was quite the little man of the hour! The other instruction was to bring a snack to share. Oh, the goodies that were there! I brought my NutriSystem snack and drank my water and was totally satisfied and content. I sat at the mature women table and ended up playing dominos (Chicken Foot—new one to me). It was fun.
And now it’s Saturday. Toilets need to be cleaned. Laundry needs washing. And I think there’s a little money left from last week’s check to get some groceries. TTFN…
Nelson’s back has finally stopped hurting so terribly. That’s not to say that it doesn’t hurt at all, but he can live with the pain once again and not keep moaning. He battled a bit with a cold this week, but it didn’t go full blown on him which is a miracle and quite a blessing! He has been kinder to me also which has also made my responses gentler.
Beth is back to work full swing. Nelson watched Asher three times this week and I had duty (such a burden—ha!) last night and again tomorrow. Beth also did battle with some kind of bug. I think it was partly just about getting back to work. Asher is growing so!! He’s also sleeping for about 5 hours at a time at night.
Sunday night we got a call from Pastor and he asked to meet with Nelson and I on Monday. My first thought was that someone had raised issue with my being there due to my crime and status. That wasn’t exactly the case. Pastor did however wonder if we needed to make the worship team aware since one of the couples’ (the piano player and bass player) children (teenagers) have started helping out in the band. I agreed and on Tuesday before practice I talked to the team leader and then afterward to the wife of the couple. I was nervous and somewhat fearful that sharing the issue might result in my needing to back out of the team. Once again grace paved the way for a receptivity that I wouldn’t have imagined. I am abundantly thankfull.
Thursday was a really rough day at work. D, the gal I trained to take my place in packaging, and I were going to do an inventory in my new area. The more we tried the more ridiculous it seemed and the more frustrated I got. If I had been given some of the things I had been asking for (over and over)—items to help me understand what I was working with and on then it might have been different. I really felt like my hands were tied and I was being asked to turn off my brain. I can’t work that way. The frustration built to where I finally confronted the guy who should have trained me better, who was “withholding” information, and making my job hellacious. I told him I was ready to quit. I told him that when I asked questions I wasn’t questioning his authority, I was just trying to understand so that I could do my job and do it well. If I can’t do a good job, I’m not going to do the job. I think he finally got it. He brought out some really helpful schematics and took some extra time to explain things. I felt so much better about what I learned. What I don’t feel better about is that it is beginning to feel like I have to threaten to quit for him to finally hear me. That piece is going to have to change.
D is the gal that I took to the clinic on Feb. 14. She finished her round of prednizone on Tuesday of this week and immediately proceeded to get sick again. On Thursday after helping me for about an hour she could barely breathe. She was afraid she would lose her job if she had to leave work. I worked with her in talking to Ed about that and she did go home. She called me about an hour after she left and had decided to go to the ER. She spent half the day there. She called me when she finally got home. They gave her 4 breathing treatments and an IV antibiotic and then sent her home. They gave her a diagnosis of COPD. I had to talk with her about what that was and will be getting her more information. My heart just aches for her. She took Friday off and so hopefully she’ll be feeling better on Monday.
Friday night there was a gathering for the women of the church. It was a game night. We were instructed to wear our jammies or comfy clothes. I went with the jammies and donned my Pooh slippers as well! Since it was my night to watch Asher, he came along. He was quite the little man of the hour! The other instruction was to bring a snack to share. Oh, the goodies that were there! I brought my NutriSystem snack and drank my water and was totally satisfied and content. I sat at the mature women table and ended up playing dominos (Chicken Foot—new one to me). It was fun.
And now it’s Saturday. Toilets need to be cleaned. Laundry needs washing. And I think there’s a little money left from last week’s check to get some groceries. TTFN…
Saturday, February 25, 2006
My Week
Such a week.
Monday night I was in full cramp mood and I sighed one too many times and Nelson flew into a verbal tirade (which he continues to feel justified in doing since he has not apologized). He then didn’t talk to me for three days. He finally started speaking on Friday night. And now life continues.
This week in addition to being a verbal recluse (really only speaking to Beth and Penelope when they were visiting this week) he also appeared to be on self-destruct mode. I ended up feeling like a stranger in my own home. His back still hurts terribly. He's asked me to get the name of the on the upswing--it takes a lot for him to take care of himself. There has been an on-going battle with Worker's Comp as well--that turmoil isn't doing his depression any good at all!
Work wasn’t much better. Growing up in an alcoholic home I learned well the art of hyper vigilance. I could just sense that something was going on. And while I’m not at liberty to say (since I’m still not sure who’s reading my blog/diary at work), suffice it to say: I was right. On top of that, and trying to deal with home stuff, and cramps, I just struggled spiritually with being content.
Through it all I’m sticking to the NutriSystem plan. Faithfully and completely. And to my absolute delight, I’ve lost 6.5lbs since the 16th. I like the food. I’m drinking the water. And today I will start walking again. Here’s an example of my faithfulness: Last night our Sunday School class had an event. We met at Pizza Hut for dinner. There were about 35 of us. I made my NS pizza ahead of time, doctored it with mushrooms and crushed red peppers and took it with me. When it came time to order our meal, I ordered a one trip to the salad bar, which I ate the good stuff and left the heavy laden and fat filled food for someone else! Then we met at the nearby seminary and watched a movie (The Notebook—loved it!). While everyone else munched on popcorn (which wouldn’t have been all that horrible for me) I ate my NS mustard pretzels—which I love!!!!
Did you catch that a part of this week (Tuesday through Thursday) Ann was also here with the grandsweeties. That truly was balm for my heart. Penelope came running up to me and smothered me with hugs and sloppy kisses. We immediately hit the floor for play. At Memaw’s house, I believe Penelope thinks the best toy is Memaw!
And now I’m going to go walk. The sun has been out all morning and it’s trying to reach 40. It’ll be chilly, but I think it will do me good. More later!
Monday night I was in full cramp mood and I sighed one too many times and Nelson flew into a verbal tirade (which he continues to feel justified in doing since he has not apologized). He then didn’t talk to me for three days. He finally started speaking on Friday night. And now life continues.
This week in addition to being a verbal recluse (really only speaking to Beth and Penelope when they were visiting this week) he also appeared to be on self-destruct mode. I ended up feeling like a stranger in my own home. His back still hurts terribly. He's asked me to get the name of the on the upswing--it takes a lot for him to take care of himself. There has been an on-going battle with Worker's Comp as well--that turmoil isn't doing his depression any good at all!
Work wasn’t much better. Growing up in an alcoholic home I learned well the art of hyper vigilance. I could just sense that something was going on. And while I’m not at liberty to say (since I’m still not sure who’s reading my blog/diary at work), suffice it to say: I was right. On top of that, and trying to deal with home stuff, and cramps, I just struggled spiritually with being content.
Through it all I’m sticking to the NutriSystem plan. Faithfully and completely. And to my absolute delight, I’ve lost 6.5lbs since the 16th. I like the food. I’m drinking the water. And today I will start walking again. Here’s an example of my faithfulness: Last night our Sunday School class had an event. We met at Pizza Hut for dinner. There were about 35 of us. I made my NS pizza ahead of time, doctored it with mushrooms and crushed red peppers and took it with me. When it came time to order our meal, I ordered a one trip to the salad bar, which I ate the good stuff and left the heavy laden and fat filled food for someone else! Then we met at the nearby seminary and watched a movie (The Notebook—loved it!). While everyone else munched on popcorn (which wouldn’t have been all that horrible for me) I ate my NS mustard pretzels—which I love!!!!
Did you catch that a part of this week (Tuesday through Thursday) Ann was also here with the grandsweeties. That truly was balm for my heart. Penelope came running up to me and smothered me with hugs and sloppy kisses. We immediately hit the floor for play. At Memaw’s house, I believe Penelope thinks the best toy is Memaw!
And now I’m going to go walk. The sun has been out all morning and it’s trying to reach 40. It’ll be chilly, but I think it will do me good. More later!
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Curiosity
So would you take a moment and add to my reality check by filling this out: http://kevan.org/johari?name=daisymarie
Thanks!
Thanks!
Kisses
Boy, did I have a reality check this morning.
I am on my third day with Nutrisystem. I have really been enjoying the food. I don’t feel hungry or deprived.
So this morning for breakfast I decide to have the NS coconut O’s cereal with my egg and cheese. I go to the cupboard and pause for a moment contemplating what bowl to put my meager portion of cereal in. I pull out a very tiny bowl. I think to myself that I’ll have to go larger when I add the 4oz of milk. Nope. Milk and cereal fit more than comfortably in the teeny tiny bowl.
I reach back into the cupboard and pull out the bowl I usually ate my cereal in. Can you say gargantuan? First, I was dumbfounded, then I began to laugh hysterically. No wonder I could play one of the dancing hippos from Fantasia.
I shared my revelation with Nelson, when he finally woke up. We talked for quite some time on how we are part of the super-size generation. For me it started way back in high school. Remember how big the Whopper used to be? How about the Whaler? I ate them daily. When it was time to buy dishes, the size of the dinner plate was a key factor in being considered for the purchase. How insane is that?
Yesterday was our 27th anniversary. Nelson was awake when I came down for my breakfast. He quickly shouted (scaring the pee right out of me!) “Happy Anniversary!” and then told me my gift was on the stand by his bed. I opened the envelope to find a little red velvet bag. In the red velvet bag was the sweetest white gold wedding band. And it fit! I’ve been transitioning over to all white gold and my wedding was the last hold out. This gift was so sweet. It was like he was saying he’d marry me all over again. That felt really good!
When I came home from work yesterday, I expected that Nelson would be ready to walk right out the door to head for therapy. I was wrong. He wasn’t ready for that at all. He had just gotten a call from the director of the Rehab Dept who had been talking to the Doctor’s office.
Bottom line: Nelson is done with therapy. Both the doctor and the therapist agree that Nelson won’t do construction work again. He has a second opinion visit scheduled for a couple weeks from now. But neither anticipate much of a differing opinion. This is as good as it gets.
One of the things the doctor’s assistant told the therapist is that they recommended fusing Nelson’s ankle. Neither of us remember this and aren’t sure that this sounds like a good idea, but we’ll have to see about that.
So now we begin to consider what life is going to be like now for Nelson. He can’t imagine what he will do. His skills and training are to work with his hands. On top of this frustrating news, he turned wrong or something in bed and has reactivated his back pain. Needless to say, he’s feeling pretty miserable.
And now for the irony…A couple weeks ago Nelson and I were watching TV and there was an add for some fancy candy company for Valentines Day. Off the cuff, and without giving much thought to what I was saying (or that I was saying it to Nelson) I said that I would rather have a bag of Hershey Kisses instead of that fancy candy. Well, on one of Nelson’s many Ebay explorations he found a box of Hershey Kisses for sale so he bid and bought. Now when I say box, I mean the size box that a store gets to display and sell. It’s full of little individual bags of 4 kisses each. It was supposed to be here for Valentines Day—before I started my new eating commitment. Well, thanks to lousy timing, it arrived today! So now there’s going to be a box of kisses sitting on my shelf in the pantry waiting until I feel like a smidgen of chocolate won’t destroy my resolve.
Now I really can wish you all a Hershey Kiss!
I am on my third day with Nutrisystem. I have really been enjoying the food. I don’t feel hungry or deprived.
So this morning for breakfast I decide to have the NS coconut O’s cereal with my egg and cheese. I go to the cupboard and pause for a moment contemplating what bowl to put my meager portion of cereal in. I pull out a very tiny bowl. I think to myself that I’ll have to go larger when I add the 4oz of milk. Nope. Milk and cereal fit more than comfortably in the teeny tiny bowl.
I reach back into the cupboard and pull out the bowl I usually ate my cereal in. Can you say gargantuan? First, I was dumbfounded, then I began to laugh hysterically. No wonder I could play one of the dancing hippos from Fantasia.
I shared my revelation with Nelson, when he finally woke up. We talked for quite some time on how we are part of the super-size generation. For me it started way back in high school. Remember how big the Whopper used to be? How about the Whaler? I ate them daily. When it was time to buy dishes, the size of the dinner plate was a key factor in being considered for the purchase. How insane is that?
Yesterday was our 27th anniversary. Nelson was awake when I came down for my breakfast. He quickly shouted (scaring the pee right out of me!) “Happy Anniversary!” and then told me my gift was on the stand by his bed. I opened the envelope to find a little red velvet bag. In the red velvet bag was the sweetest white gold wedding band. And it fit! I’ve been transitioning over to all white gold and my wedding was the last hold out. This gift was so sweet. It was like he was saying he’d marry me all over again. That felt really good!
When I came home from work yesterday, I expected that Nelson would be ready to walk right out the door to head for therapy. I was wrong. He wasn’t ready for that at all. He had just gotten a call from the director of the Rehab Dept who had been talking to the Doctor’s office.
Bottom line: Nelson is done with therapy. Both the doctor and the therapist agree that Nelson won’t do construction work again. He has a second opinion visit scheduled for a couple weeks from now. But neither anticipate much of a differing opinion. This is as good as it gets.
One of the things the doctor’s assistant told the therapist is that they recommended fusing Nelson’s ankle. Neither of us remember this and aren’t sure that this sounds like a good idea, but we’ll have to see about that.
So now we begin to consider what life is going to be like now for Nelson. He can’t imagine what he will do. His skills and training are to work with his hands. On top of this frustrating news, he turned wrong or something in bed and has reactivated his back pain. Needless to say, he’s feeling pretty miserable.
And now for the irony…A couple weeks ago Nelson and I were watching TV and there was an add for some fancy candy company for Valentines Day. Off the cuff, and without giving much thought to what I was saying (or that I was saying it to Nelson) I said that I would rather have a bag of Hershey Kisses instead of that fancy candy. Well, on one of Nelson’s many Ebay explorations he found a box of Hershey Kisses for sale so he bid and bought. Now when I say box, I mean the size box that a store gets to display and sell. It’s full of little individual bags of 4 kisses each. It was supposed to be here for Valentines Day—before I started my new eating commitment. Well, thanks to lousy timing, it arrived today! So now there’s going to be a box of kisses sitting on my shelf in the pantry waiting until I feel like a smidgen of chocolate won’t destroy my resolve.
Now I really can wish you all a Hershey Kiss!
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
All About Love
What a Valentines Day I had.
D came to work on Monday and she was wheezing quite badly. By Tuesday it was much, much worse. Last week it sounded like she had bronchitis, but this week it sounded more like emphysema. I assumed my “mommy” role and couched it in psuedo-supervisor and insisted she go to the free clinic in town. Now I know I’m not her supervisor but I used my influence to get her there.
Our town has this really cool clinic. It’s part of one of the ministries here. Doctors and nurses volunteer to provide medical services to folks in our community who don’t have insurance coverage. I was so impressed.
We got to the building that hosts the clinic 40 minutes before they started seeing people so that we could get D’s name on the list. So we arrived at 5:50 and didn’t get seen by the doctor until almost 8:30. It was horribly hot in the waiting room and some of the less patient patients were starting to complain—even though they had gone out at least a couple times to get a smoke.
Complainers just baffle me. While I was busy marveling that there were medical professionals giving their time off and doing my best to calm D’s nerves others were starting to snap at the volunteers and medical folks. Sure I was warm. I had been waiting too. D was feeling worse than awful but she never complained. It wasn’t going to help anything—that was the difference between us and them—but not the only difference.
I began to watch and listen. There was such an incredible sense of entitlement. Where did that come from? There was no sense of appreciation. There was no wonder that people were giving of themselves, their knowledge, their time. I just didn’t get it. I still don’t.
The doctor wanted D to go to the ER and get a breathing treatment, but D was afraid to go so we talked about options with the Dr. She prescribed prednizone, an antibiotic, and an inhaler. And when we were done, she asked to pray with us. It absolutely touched my heart.
When we were done we made a dash to the only pharmacy still open in town. We’re too small for a Walgreens. Over and over D kept saying that no one had ever done anything like this for her. The culmination of that came when I helped pay for the prescriptions. She fought me on it. I assured her she could pay me back and she finally let me pay. Silly girl. And today…she was much better.
Sitting there with D, I missed Worship Team practice, I didn’t get to spend time with my hub on Valentines Day, and I didn’t get to hold Asher before he went to bed---but there’s no where else I needed to be.
And when it was over, I came home, kissed my Valentine (who bought me a pack of three Turtles—mmmmmmmmm!) and went to bed. And that’s what I’m going to do now.
Tomorrow I start Nutrisystem. I guess bed will have to wait until I make a grocery list.
Sweet dreams.
D came to work on Monday and she was wheezing quite badly. By Tuesday it was much, much worse. Last week it sounded like she had bronchitis, but this week it sounded more like emphysema. I assumed my “mommy” role and couched it in psuedo-supervisor and insisted she go to the free clinic in town. Now I know I’m not her supervisor but I used my influence to get her there.
Our town has this really cool clinic. It’s part of one of the ministries here. Doctors and nurses volunteer to provide medical services to folks in our community who don’t have insurance coverage. I was so impressed.
We got to the building that hosts the clinic 40 minutes before they started seeing people so that we could get D’s name on the list. So we arrived at 5:50 and didn’t get seen by the doctor until almost 8:30. It was horribly hot in the waiting room and some of the less patient patients were starting to complain—even though they had gone out at least a couple times to get a smoke.
Complainers just baffle me. While I was busy marveling that there were medical professionals giving their time off and doing my best to calm D’s nerves others were starting to snap at the volunteers and medical folks. Sure I was warm. I had been waiting too. D was feeling worse than awful but she never complained. It wasn’t going to help anything—that was the difference between us and them—but not the only difference.
I began to watch and listen. There was such an incredible sense of entitlement. Where did that come from? There was no sense of appreciation. There was no wonder that people were giving of themselves, their knowledge, their time. I just didn’t get it. I still don’t.
The doctor wanted D to go to the ER and get a breathing treatment, but D was afraid to go so we talked about options with the Dr. She prescribed prednizone, an antibiotic, and an inhaler. And when we were done, she asked to pray with us. It absolutely touched my heart.
When we were done we made a dash to the only pharmacy still open in town. We’re too small for a Walgreens. Over and over D kept saying that no one had ever done anything like this for her. The culmination of that came when I helped pay for the prescriptions. She fought me on it. I assured her she could pay me back and she finally let me pay. Silly girl. And today…she was much better.
Sitting there with D, I missed Worship Team practice, I didn’t get to spend time with my hub on Valentines Day, and I didn’t get to hold Asher before he went to bed---but there’s no where else I needed to be.
And when it was over, I came home, kissed my Valentine (who bought me a pack of three Turtles—mmmmmmmmm!) and went to bed. And that’s what I’m going to do now.
Tomorrow I start Nutrisystem. I guess bed will have to wait until I make a grocery list.
Sweet dreams.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
It's a Miracle...
He’s healed!
But nothing’s changed.
The doctor said that Nelson is to start wearing a work boot and loose the crutch. He prescribed work conditioning therapy and told him to come back in two months. He never asked to see Nelson walk. He didn’t really listen to what Nelson was trying to tell him.
Nelson went for his therapy session. His regular therapist couldn’t believe the new orders. He had the head of the rehab program evaluate Nelson. He asked Nelson to walk. He asked Nelson what Nelson would be doing when he went back to work. Nelson told him: lots of walking, climbing stairs and ladders, lifting many heavy objects. The director was beside himself and told Nelson there was no way. He’s going to call the Doc on Monday and let him know his findings.
Nelson got his new glasses yesterday. When he fell, back in June, he crushed his and has been using cheapo reading glasses since then. He was quite happy to have glasses scripted to his eyes!
There were both good and extraordinarily frustrating days for me at work this week. I got some orders out and that felt good. Yesterday a tool I was working with came apart and I mashed a steal pipe (about an inch in diameter—not real big) into my forehead. It still hurts and I have a bruise and bump right over my right eye. Owie.
Nelson has offered to let me give Nutrisystem a try. So I’m going to start that as soon as the food arrives.
I guess that’s all for now. I’m reading an article in my Prevention magazine about sneaking food: how it’s related to sense of worth and stress. Given what I just wrote here I think I’ll go reread the article and let you know what I’m thinking about it later.
Until then.
But nothing’s changed.
The doctor said that Nelson is to start wearing a work boot and loose the crutch. He prescribed work conditioning therapy and told him to come back in two months. He never asked to see Nelson walk. He didn’t really listen to what Nelson was trying to tell him.
Nelson went for his therapy session. His regular therapist couldn’t believe the new orders. He had the head of the rehab program evaluate Nelson. He asked Nelson to walk. He asked Nelson what Nelson would be doing when he went back to work. Nelson told him: lots of walking, climbing stairs and ladders, lifting many heavy objects. The director was beside himself and told Nelson there was no way. He’s going to call the Doc on Monday and let him know his findings.
Nelson got his new glasses yesterday. When he fell, back in June, he crushed his and has been using cheapo reading glasses since then. He was quite happy to have glasses scripted to his eyes!
There were both good and extraordinarily frustrating days for me at work this week. I got some orders out and that felt good. Yesterday a tool I was working with came apart and I mashed a steal pipe (about an inch in diameter—not real big) into my forehead. It still hurts and I have a bruise and bump right over my right eye. Owie.
Nelson has offered to let me give Nutrisystem a try. So I’m going to start that as soon as the food arrives.
I guess that’s all for now. I’m reading an article in my Prevention magazine about sneaking food: how it’s related to sense of worth and stress. Given what I just wrote here I think I’ll go reread the article and let you know what I’m thinking about it later.
Until then.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
Snippets
The last time that Ann was here with the kids, Penelope did something that just cracked us all up. But after about the third time that she did it Beth looked at me and said there’s probably a sermon there. I guess she knows how I think.
Beth has one of those picture phones and the picture that’s always on it is a picture of Penelope. Beth asked her who that was a picture of and Penelope said, “You.” For the longest time when you asked who was in picture Penelope would identify everyone and when the person pointed to Penelope in the photo she would say that it was “baby.” And we would always respond, “No, that’s you.” So now she identifies herself as “you.”
Isn’t that interesting? Some people can’t look in the mirror without seeing someone else. It’s always someone else’s voice speaking in their head. They have no sense of self whatsoever. Others, clear on who they are, can look in the mirrors and while seeing themselves think only of others. They aren’t lost, but they know that their completeness is build by their connections to others.
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
***********************************************************************************
It’s been quiet here this week. Beth went to visit at Ann’s—so my grandsweeties are together there and I’m here (insert big sigh). I guess if I get really honest it’s been a nice little break and I’m sure it will make me all that much more happy to be with them when they get home tomorrow. And then it’s my night. I take care of the baby on Friday nights so Beth can sleep.
**********************************************************************************
Tomorrow Nelson has an appointment with the doctor. We’re a bit anxious about what the outcome will be. We imagine one of three things will happen. For two weeks his physical therapist has basically told him that therapy isn’t helping. So we’re imagining that the doc will say one of a couple things: first, he could say that Nelson needs more surgery or he could say that this is as good as it gets. The latter is concerning because Nelson still can’t put weight on the ankle and needs either the crutch or walker to get around. The implications that this holds regarding his inability to work are mind boggling to us. What will life look like? The former doesn’t appeal to Nelson either. Sure, having surgery might (heavy on possibility) make things better, but he’s just so tired of hurting—and I’m tired of watching him hurt.
Work is going. I’m getting it better and getting along better. I’m able to step back a little and D handle more of the packaging responsibilities. That’s good because the work load is increasing in my new area. Sometimes my head feels like it’s going to pop trying to keep things straight in both areas. I’ve made several mistakes, but caught them all before they left the area. I just have to cut them down and then out all together. There’s still just so very much to learn.
And now I’m going to watch Dr. Phil and then make supper. Until later.
Beth has one of those picture phones and the picture that’s always on it is a picture of Penelope. Beth asked her who that was a picture of and Penelope said, “You.” For the longest time when you asked who was in picture Penelope would identify everyone and when the person pointed to Penelope in the photo she would say that it was “baby.” And we would always respond, “No, that’s you.” So now she identifies herself as “you.”
Isn’t that interesting? Some people can’t look in the mirror without seeing someone else. It’s always someone else’s voice speaking in their head. They have no sense of self whatsoever. Others, clear on who they are, can look in the mirrors and while seeing themselves think only of others. They aren’t lost, but they know that their completeness is build by their connections to others.
Who do you see when you look in the mirror?
***********************************************************************************
It’s been quiet here this week. Beth went to visit at Ann’s—so my grandsweeties are together there and I’m here (insert big sigh). I guess if I get really honest it’s been a nice little break and I’m sure it will make me all that much more happy to be with them when they get home tomorrow. And then it’s my night. I take care of the baby on Friday nights so Beth can sleep.
**********************************************************************************
Tomorrow Nelson has an appointment with the doctor. We’re a bit anxious about what the outcome will be. We imagine one of three things will happen. For two weeks his physical therapist has basically told him that therapy isn’t helping. So we’re imagining that the doc will say one of a couple things: first, he could say that Nelson needs more surgery or he could say that this is as good as it gets. The latter is concerning because Nelson still can’t put weight on the ankle and needs either the crutch or walker to get around. The implications that this holds regarding his inability to work are mind boggling to us. What will life look like? The former doesn’t appeal to Nelson either. Sure, having surgery might (heavy on possibility) make things better, but he’s just so tired of hurting—and I’m tired of watching him hurt.
Work is going. I’m getting it better and getting along better. I’m able to step back a little and D handle more of the packaging responsibilities. That’s good because the work load is increasing in my new area. Sometimes my head feels like it’s going to pop trying to keep things straight in both areas. I’ve made several mistakes, but caught them all before they left the area. I just have to cut them down and then out all together. There’s still just so very much to learn.
And now I’m going to watch Dr. Phil and then make supper. Until later.
Sunday, January 29, 2006
Hand Full of Poop
It’s just me and Asher hanging out. Nelson and Beth are at the grocery and as far as I’m concerned they can take their good sweet time…because I’m savoring these moments—big time!
This morning Beth and Asher came to church. We then offered to keep him during Sunday School so that she could go home and get a nap. It was too easy! She jumped on that like…well, fill in the quickest analogy you can think of.
It was fun showing him off in Sunday School. Nelson kept identifying Asher as his new toy. Pepa! He was such a good baby. Everyone marveled at his sweet nature and his red hair.
Last night the funniest thing happened. I’ve been on poopy diaper patrol lately. Typically, I don’t mind, but this one was one for the books. I lade Asher on the floor on top of a receiving blanket and had successfully cleaned his little bottom. As I was getting ready to put on the new diaper he passed some gas. I sped up, but before I could get the new one completely under and my hand out of the way he pooped on me, on the banket and even into the new diaper. Beth was cracking up. Then as I turned him to the side to wipe up the mess a little he proceeded to pee the straightest little stream all over the floor. This just about put Beth into spasms she was laughing so hard. Nelson was sitting on his bed asking for a camera. Asher was doing the gassy grin and I still had a hand full of baby poopy. It was comical. No sooner had we cleaned up the mess but Beth was on the phone sharing the story and the laughter with her sister.
I prefer today’s peaceful cuddle time, but will confess last night’s laughter was pretty special too.
I was reading someone’s entry earlier and it caused quite a time of reflection for me. She was describing a trip to the ER with her 17yr old son, and how though in the process of life of letting go he grabbed her arm and asked her not to leave. I related so well to that this week.
Beth came into my room at 3:15 Monday morning. I awoke before she walked in when I heard her make her way to the bathroom. As she entered my room I was quick to ask, “Contractions?” She thought so. We called the hospital and was put through to her doctor. He instructed us to come in.
It was hard to watch my baby in so much pain. Her labor was very intense and in her back. Thank God for the epidural. That only left 2 hours of pushing. My job was to count and help her with that pushing. There were times when she snapped, but in her eyes I knew she wanted me there. I don’t know what words to use to describe the emotion as I witnessed Asher emerging. Then I got to cut the cord. He was so perfect. I treasure the entire experience.
Later, after moving to a quieter room, Beth was holding Asher and looking at him with such love. I smiled and said, “You’re a mom.” She was still trying to wrap her brain around it. It was just too amazing. “He’s yours forever.” That’s some pretty powerful stuff.
It reminded me of when she was in eighth grade. I think it was in January, maybe February. She had gone sledding with a friend. I was called at work that she had fallen off the sled and broken her arm—come home quick! That wasn’t hard since the hill was out front of our agency and we lived just at the bottom of the hill.
As I dashed home, I remember praying, “Please God let it be her right arm.” Strange prayer. Like God was going to say, “Oops, I broke the wrong arm…better fix that.” Reflecting on that moment, I’m glad hears our intent, especially when our words make no sense. I just desperately wanted God to be taking care of my baby.
Well, it was her right arm, and though that left her able to write, there were still things she couldn’t do: like wash her hair. Now, perhaps you can remember being 13 or 14, or you remember when your kids were. It’s the beginning of independence and the last thing you want to do is admit to your mom you can’t do something, or worse that you need her (gasp and horror).
I tried really hard not to let on how much I really treasured being needed again. I knew that days were coming when little Miss Independent was going to spread her wings and fly. I wanted it and dreaded it both at the same time. The time on Monday reminded me of hair washing. She may never need me in the same way again, but she will always need me. And that’s worth a hand full of poop any day!
Asher is asleep on my shoulder right now, making cooing little dream sounds while he sleeps. I just have to let you know—I feel so blessed.
This morning Beth and Asher came to church. We then offered to keep him during Sunday School so that she could go home and get a nap. It was too easy! She jumped on that like…well, fill in the quickest analogy you can think of.
It was fun showing him off in Sunday School. Nelson kept identifying Asher as his new toy. Pepa! He was such a good baby. Everyone marveled at his sweet nature and his red hair.
Last night the funniest thing happened. I’ve been on poopy diaper patrol lately. Typically, I don’t mind, but this one was one for the books. I lade Asher on the floor on top of a receiving blanket and had successfully cleaned his little bottom. As I was getting ready to put on the new diaper he passed some gas. I sped up, but before I could get the new one completely under and my hand out of the way he pooped on me, on the banket and even into the new diaper. Beth was cracking up. Then as I turned him to the side to wipe up the mess a little he proceeded to pee the straightest little stream all over the floor. This just about put Beth into spasms she was laughing so hard. Nelson was sitting on his bed asking for a camera. Asher was doing the gassy grin and I still had a hand full of baby poopy. It was comical. No sooner had we cleaned up the mess but Beth was on the phone sharing the story and the laughter with her sister.
I prefer today’s peaceful cuddle time, but will confess last night’s laughter was pretty special too.
I was reading someone’s entry earlier and it caused quite a time of reflection for me. She was describing a trip to the ER with her 17yr old son, and how though in the process of life of letting go he grabbed her arm and asked her not to leave. I related so well to that this week.
Beth came into my room at 3:15 Monday morning. I awoke before she walked in when I heard her make her way to the bathroom. As she entered my room I was quick to ask, “Contractions?” She thought so. We called the hospital and was put through to her doctor. He instructed us to come in.
It was hard to watch my baby in so much pain. Her labor was very intense and in her back. Thank God for the epidural. That only left 2 hours of pushing. My job was to count and help her with that pushing. There were times when she snapped, but in her eyes I knew she wanted me there. I don’t know what words to use to describe the emotion as I witnessed Asher emerging. Then I got to cut the cord. He was so perfect. I treasure the entire experience.
Later, after moving to a quieter room, Beth was holding Asher and looking at him with such love. I smiled and said, “You’re a mom.” She was still trying to wrap her brain around it. It was just too amazing. “He’s yours forever.” That’s some pretty powerful stuff.
It reminded me of when she was in eighth grade. I think it was in January, maybe February. She had gone sledding with a friend. I was called at work that she had fallen off the sled and broken her arm—come home quick! That wasn’t hard since the hill was out front of our agency and we lived just at the bottom of the hill.
As I dashed home, I remember praying, “Please God let it be her right arm.” Strange prayer. Like God was going to say, “Oops, I broke the wrong arm…better fix that.” Reflecting on that moment, I’m glad hears our intent, especially when our words make no sense. I just desperately wanted God to be taking care of my baby.
Well, it was her right arm, and though that left her able to write, there were still things she couldn’t do: like wash her hair. Now, perhaps you can remember being 13 or 14, or you remember when your kids were. It’s the beginning of independence and the last thing you want to do is admit to your mom you can’t do something, or worse that you need her (gasp and horror).
I tried really hard not to let on how much I really treasured being needed again. I knew that days were coming when little Miss Independent was going to spread her wings and fly. I wanted it and dreaded it both at the same time. The time on Monday reminded me of hair washing. She may never need me in the same way again, but she will always need me. And that’s worth a hand full of poop any day!
Asher is asleep on my shoulder right now, making cooing little dream sounds while he sleeps. I just have to let you know—I feel so blessed.
Friday, January 27, 2006
The Week In Review
Wow. This has been one crazy kind of week. I will confess openly that I am abundantly thankful that it is Friday.
Baby first. Asher continues to be amazingly beautiful. Beth would like for him to get his days and nights straightened around. We’ve told her that will come. Ann came over on Tuesday with Penelope and Caden. I have a wonderful picture of all three grandsweeties but I don’t know how to post it. (Any and all coaching will be accepted.) Nelson has decided that Asher is Pepa’s boy.
Nelson. (insert deep sigh) The therapist told him at his session on Wednesday that he didn’t believe that therapy would increase the functioning of his ankle. This may be as good as it gets. That was really hard to hear. His next doctor’s apt isn’t until the 10th. So now we wait and see. Edit: Friday’s session held no better news.
Work. (insert head shake) I’m exhausted. A big part of that is mental (but you knew that all along). I start my day by getting everything going in packaging. I’ve been training D to take my job—I’ve been doing that from the beginning really, but it’s for real now. She’s feeling totally overwhelmed and inadequate for the job so I’ve been doing heavy duty encouraging there. Once things are situated there I’ve been moving to the new department to learn how to do that job. The new position is very hands on. I’m working with all kinds of power tools. I actually have a key to the toolbox—now that’s a hoot! Talk about feeling inadequate!
Now, I think I’ve mentioned, at least once or twice that I am a huge control freak. I am now in a situation where finding even threads of control are extremely limited at best. Too many people are telling me what to do. The guy who used to run the floor portion still works at the plant and has all kinds of knowledge, but doesn’t disseminate it well and doesn’t like the paper man of the department who doesn’t really know how to build everything who would rather I go to the engineer who is extremely soft spoken and who would rather defer to the guy who used to run the department who I’ve been told I’m not supposed to go to. Did I succeed in making that sound horribly confusing and conflictual? I hope so, because it is!
Edit: I talked to Ed about things this morning and he was wonderful. I was open about my frustration and my desire to be able to do my job well—and to the company’s satisfaction. He was able to assure. I left his office feeling excited and empowered.
And that’s just the mental exhaustion. Last summer they moved the packaging department to the back corner of the plant and then moved my office to close to that area. The new department is back right next to the old department—in the opposite corner from the packaging department. So I’m back to walking HUGE amounts either to go fix problems in packaging or just to go to my office. I keep trying to think of the benefits of this added exercise, but my weary legs are just thankful it’s Friday.
Writing. Last night I went to my first writers’ circle. The meeting wasn’t what I had anticipated, but it was okay. Each of us read a couple pieces and received input from the group. I read my piece from Christmas, “Fear Not”, and on from last summer called “Possibility.” I will go again and also probably seek out other sharing opportunities. Their encouragement (along with yours) has given me the oomph I needed to get some of my things out there and to also get busy on putting together other things for publication.
And now I’m getting ready to help give Asher a bath. What a wonderful way to start my weekend! May there be small bundles of joy in your weekend, too!
Baby first. Asher continues to be amazingly beautiful. Beth would like for him to get his days and nights straightened around. We’ve told her that will come. Ann came over on Tuesday with Penelope and Caden. I have a wonderful picture of all three grandsweeties but I don’t know how to post it. (Any and all coaching will be accepted.) Nelson has decided that Asher is Pepa’s boy.
Nelson. (insert deep sigh) The therapist told him at his session on Wednesday that he didn’t believe that therapy would increase the functioning of his ankle. This may be as good as it gets. That was really hard to hear. His next doctor’s apt isn’t until the 10th. So now we wait and see. Edit: Friday’s session held no better news.
Work. (insert head shake) I’m exhausted. A big part of that is mental (but you knew that all along). I start my day by getting everything going in packaging. I’ve been training D to take my job—I’ve been doing that from the beginning really, but it’s for real now. She’s feeling totally overwhelmed and inadequate for the job so I’ve been doing heavy duty encouraging there. Once things are situated there I’ve been moving to the new department to learn how to do that job. The new position is very hands on. I’m working with all kinds of power tools. I actually have a key to the toolbox—now that’s a hoot! Talk about feeling inadequate!
Now, I think I’ve mentioned, at least once or twice that I am a huge control freak. I am now in a situation where finding even threads of control are extremely limited at best. Too many people are telling me what to do. The guy who used to run the floor portion still works at the plant and has all kinds of knowledge, but doesn’t disseminate it well and doesn’t like the paper man of the department who doesn’t really know how to build everything who would rather I go to the engineer who is extremely soft spoken and who would rather defer to the guy who used to run the department who I’ve been told I’m not supposed to go to. Did I succeed in making that sound horribly confusing and conflictual? I hope so, because it is!
Edit: I talked to Ed about things this morning and he was wonderful. I was open about my frustration and my desire to be able to do my job well—and to the company’s satisfaction. He was able to assure. I left his office feeling excited and empowered.
And that’s just the mental exhaustion. Last summer they moved the packaging department to the back corner of the plant and then moved my office to close to that area. The new department is back right next to the old department—in the opposite corner from the packaging department. So I’m back to walking HUGE amounts either to go fix problems in packaging or just to go to my office. I keep trying to think of the benefits of this added exercise, but my weary legs are just thankful it’s Friday.
Writing. Last night I went to my first writers’ circle. The meeting wasn’t what I had anticipated, but it was okay. Each of us read a couple pieces and received input from the group. I read my piece from Christmas, “Fear Not”, and on from last summer called “Possibility.” I will go again and also probably seek out other sharing opportunities. Their encouragement (along with yours) has given me the oomph I needed to get some of my things out there and to also get busy on putting together other things for publication.
And now I’m getting ready to help give Asher a bath. What a wonderful way to start my weekend! May there be small bundles of joy in your weekend, too!
Monday, January 23, 2006
It's A Boy!
(Blue confetti is flying everywhere!)
Nicholas Asher was born at 1:43pm this afternoon.
He weighed 8lbs and 7oz.
He is 191/4 inches long.
He is absolutely beautiful!
Mommy is taking a nap.
Pepaw needed to come home and put his foot up.
Memaw is going to get the 'specially ordered dinner of Whopper and Onion Rings (two sauces), a large fountaine Pepsi, and a bag of sour cream and onion chips---she worked so hard she can have whatever she wants!
More to come tomorrow!
Nicholas Asher was born at 1:43pm this afternoon.
He weighed 8lbs and 7oz.
He is 191/4 inches long.
He is absolutely beautiful!
Mommy is taking a nap.
Pepaw needed to come home and put his foot up.
Memaw is going to get the 'specially ordered dinner of Whopper and Onion Rings (two sauces), a large fountaine Pepsi, and a bag of sour cream and onion chips---she worked so hard she can have whatever she wants!
More to come tomorrow!
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Kicked to the Curb
Turning on to our street when I came home from work on Thursday, I noticed that two houses down from our house there was a huge stack of stuff out on the tree lawn. Friday is trash day, but they only take trash on trash days. They don’t even take lawn/leaf refuse. They take trash on Tuesdays too, and that’s when to set out your recyclables. But nothing large is allowed. Until April, that is.
In April the town is divided into sectors and during your assigned week you can put anything and everything on the tree lawn. I have actually seen a kitchen sink! What’s really funny during that time is the trucks that cruise up and down the streets and the scads of people who scavenge through the piles and piles of peoples’ cast offs.
So it struck me as very odd that there was so much sitting out on the tree lawn. The house had had some remodeling done last fall, and initially I thought perhaps they were just retting out a bit more to go along with the remodeling. After all, one of the things boldly planted out on the tree lawn was a bright orange sofa.
A little later Nelson and I went out to dinner. We noticed that the pile had grown significantly, but not nearly as much as it grew by the time we came back an hour later. And it all began to make me wonder: why? What was going on? Did a neighbor die? Was the family cleaning up and out?
It reminded me of when my grandmother went into the Nursing Home. She was a collector. My parents called her a pack rat. She had so many antiques. She had stacks of quilts. When I was a child I remember venturing into the “front room.” There was no heat in the front room. There weren’t any lights in the front room. We would go there to retrieve treasures of all sorts and food from the chest freezer. Anyway, the door barely shut at the Home before my parent had a huge dumpster backed up to Grandma’s back door and they donned one-piece jumpsuits and emptied out the house. And everything, E-VER-Y-THING went into the dumpster.
I guess that shouldn’t have been too surprising to me. When I was very young my mother’s parents moved to South Carolina and we moved into their home. In the basement of that home was a beautiful round claw foot oak table. It ended up trashed. Later we moved into a house that had several attics. In one of the attics there were several boxes of antique glass. My mom threw them out without even unpacking them. Then, after my dad died and my mom moved to Arizona she gave away my great-grandmother’s bedroom suite and secretary desk. Gave them away to non-family members who had no interest in them and no emotional ties…like me.
There had been a group of people hanging out at the back of the house one time when we came by. There was a large pick-up backed up to the house with a few items in the back. And then it was gone. Who were those people? Kids? Relatives who just didn’t want to wade through all the “junk”?
The tree lawn was still piled high when I got home from work today. There’s a two-drawer file cabinet sitting there that looks good to me, but for some reason I just don’t think I could pick through the stuff. It feels somewhat disrespectful, cold and calloused.
I started thinking about what would happen when I die. Nelson has informed me that he is going first, his estimate is within five years. Annie has already informed of several items that she wants when I die. It’s kind of nice to know I have things that someone might want, especially when I realize I could live without most of it.
Things I don’t want on the curb:
-Daisy’s lamp. Daisy influenced my life in countless ways. She died during my senior year of cancer. She did macramé. Right before she died she started a hanging lamp. It lacked one panel for completion. Her husband and children got it finished and gave it to me as a wedding gift. It’s hanging over my “corner chair.”
-My great grandmothers mantle clock and the grandfather clock we gave my parents as a 25th anniversary gift.
-Grandma’s baby dish. It’s a crock like dish and there are still some of the decals showing.
-My books. I have lots of books. And while I have culled my collection since I’m no longer a pastor or counselor, there are still five shelving units and countless unpacked boxes. Part of the collection that I hope gets passed on are the very old children’s books.
-My brass rub. When I was in Europe during college, my roommate and I did several brass rubbings. I did one of a medieval nativity on black velvet paper with silver. My dad liked the piece so much he had it professionally matted and framed. It came back to us after my dad died.
-My Pooh collection. I have stuffed Poohs; Pooh watches; Pooh games; Pooh dishes; Pooh mugs; Pooh clocks; and newest of all a set of Pooh kitchen canisters.
The things that last though, I hope, won’t be found in boxes or on shelves. I hope not just some of my words will last, but the love behind them. I hope that there will be those who will remember my hard but be quicker to mention my constant love. When I die, there won’t be lots of money to hand out, so I hope that people will see that I spent my life on others.
I guess I hope when I’m gone that there won’t be much to kick out to the curb.
In April the town is divided into sectors and during your assigned week you can put anything and everything on the tree lawn. I have actually seen a kitchen sink! What’s really funny during that time is the trucks that cruise up and down the streets and the scads of people who scavenge through the piles and piles of peoples’ cast offs.
So it struck me as very odd that there was so much sitting out on the tree lawn. The house had had some remodeling done last fall, and initially I thought perhaps they were just retting out a bit more to go along with the remodeling. After all, one of the things boldly planted out on the tree lawn was a bright orange sofa.
A little later Nelson and I went out to dinner. We noticed that the pile had grown significantly, but not nearly as much as it grew by the time we came back an hour later. And it all began to make me wonder: why? What was going on? Did a neighbor die? Was the family cleaning up and out?
It reminded me of when my grandmother went into the Nursing Home. She was a collector. My parents called her a pack rat. She had so many antiques. She had stacks of quilts. When I was a child I remember venturing into the “front room.” There was no heat in the front room. There weren’t any lights in the front room. We would go there to retrieve treasures of all sorts and food from the chest freezer. Anyway, the door barely shut at the Home before my parent had a huge dumpster backed up to Grandma’s back door and they donned one-piece jumpsuits and emptied out the house. And everything, E-VER-Y-THING went into the dumpster.
I guess that shouldn’t have been too surprising to me. When I was very young my mother’s parents moved to South Carolina and we moved into their home. In the basement of that home was a beautiful round claw foot oak table. It ended up trashed. Later we moved into a house that had several attics. In one of the attics there were several boxes of antique glass. My mom threw them out without even unpacking them. Then, after my dad died and my mom moved to Arizona she gave away my great-grandmother’s bedroom suite and secretary desk. Gave them away to non-family members who had no interest in them and no emotional ties…like me.
There had been a group of people hanging out at the back of the house one time when we came by. There was a large pick-up backed up to the house with a few items in the back. And then it was gone. Who were those people? Kids? Relatives who just didn’t want to wade through all the “junk”?
The tree lawn was still piled high when I got home from work today. There’s a two-drawer file cabinet sitting there that looks good to me, but for some reason I just don’t think I could pick through the stuff. It feels somewhat disrespectful, cold and calloused.
I started thinking about what would happen when I die. Nelson has informed me that he is going first, his estimate is within five years. Annie has already informed of several items that she wants when I die. It’s kind of nice to know I have things that someone might want, especially when I realize I could live without most of it.
Things I don’t want on the curb:
-Daisy’s lamp. Daisy influenced my life in countless ways. She died during my senior year of cancer. She did macramé. Right before she died she started a hanging lamp. It lacked one panel for completion. Her husband and children got it finished and gave it to me as a wedding gift. It’s hanging over my “corner chair.”
-My great grandmothers mantle clock and the grandfather clock we gave my parents as a 25th anniversary gift.
-Grandma’s baby dish. It’s a crock like dish and there are still some of the decals showing.
-My books. I have lots of books. And while I have culled my collection since I’m no longer a pastor or counselor, there are still five shelving units and countless unpacked boxes. Part of the collection that I hope gets passed on are the very old children’s books.
-My brass rub. When I was in Europe during college, my roommate and I did several brass rubbings. I did one of a medieval nativity on black velvet paper with silver. My dad liked the piece so much he had it professionally matted and framed. It came back to us after my dad died.
-My Pooh collection. I have stuffed Poohs; Pooh watches; Pooh games; Pooh dishes; Pooh mugs; Pooh clocks; and newest of all a set of Pooh kitchen canisters.
The things that last though, I hope, won’t be found in boxes or on shelves. I hope not just some of my words will last, but the love behind them. I hope that there will be those who will remember my hard but be quicker to mention my constant love. When I die, there won’t be lots of money to hand out, so I hope that people will see that I spent my life on others.
I guess I hope when I’m gone that there won’t be much to kick out to the curb.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Discoveries
My how time flies.
We still don’t have a baby. Looks like he may arrive right on time. Beth is still working, albeit her shifts are reduced, but she’s plugging away.
Nelson has now added an electrical shock to his therapy. He’s getting around better and doing more things for himself.
A really, really interesting thing happened at work. Since Tuesday morning I’ve been trying to figure something. It wasn’t until I started typing this entry that the answer dawned on me.
One of the guys I work with came to me confused and concerned that one of the ladies in the plant mentioned someone to him that I had only said to him AND WROTE ABOUT HERE. Imagine that. And now, by tracing back the who said what to whom, I know who has been reading my diary from work—at least one of the “whos” and since I know that she doesn’t like me it makes sense why she would try and spread stuff around.
I had a meeting with the Job and Family Services worker and with the woman who had been spreading rumors and stirring up trouble. We decided to give her another chance. Some of the others were leery about it (those she had been spreading rumors about), but this work program is all about second chances. We’ll see how she does. If yesterday is any indication she’ll be okay.
My first Sunday playing on the Praise Team went well. I received a lot of encouragement to continue. At the rehearsal there was a hymn we were using that didn’t have chords written down and they realized it right away and helped me out. My fears are being put to rest and I’m getting excited about the new opportunities. I need my calluses to build up so my fingers will stop hurting—but it’s a good pain (if that makes any sense).
Yesterday, at the end of the day Mr. R came to the packaging office with one of the area pastors. I had heard of this man, he’s on staff at one of the larger churches in town. Mr. R wanted me to describe the T-Net program and its benefits. I jumped quickly into spiel mode—but it was so much more than that. At my old job, way back when it seems, I would go out and represent the agency and drum up dollars to support the program. Even though I knew this opportunity might be about dollars, I considered it such an opportunity to share the rich blessings I have experienced by being a part of this ministry and what I have seen it accomplish in the lives of others.
There’s more I want to write about but I need to get myself around for work. We’ll finish this later on…
We still don’t have a baby. Looks like he may arrive right on time. Beth is still working, albeit her shifts are reduced, but she’s plugging away.
Nelson has now added an electrical shock to his therapy. He’s getting around better and doing more things for himself.
A really, really interesting thing happened at work. Since Tuesday morning I’ve been trying to figure something. It wasn’t until I started typing this entry that the answer dawned on me.
One of the guys I work with came to me confused and concerned that one of the ladies in the plant mentioned someone to him that I had only said to him AND WROTE ABOUT HERE. Imagine that. And now, by tracing back the who said what to whom, I know who has been reading my diary from work—at least one of the “whos” and since I know that she doesn’t like me it makes sense why she would try and spread stuff around.
I had a meeting with the Job and Family Services worker and with the woman who had been spreading rumors and stirring up trouble. We decided to give her another chance. Some of the others were leery about it (those she had been spreading rumors about), but this work program is all about second chances. We’ll see how she does. If yesterday is any indication she’ll be okay.
My first Sunday playing on the Praise Team went well. I received a lot of encouragement to continue. At the rehearsal there was a hymn we were using that didn’t have chords written down and they realized it right away and helped me out. My fears are being put to rest and I’m getting excited about the new opportunities. I need my calluses to build up so my fingers will stop hurting—but it’s a good pain (if that makes any sense).
Yesterday, at the end of the day Mr. R came to the packaging office with one of the area pastors. I had heard of this man, he’s on staff at one of the larger churches in town. Mr. R wanted me to describe the T-Net program and its benefits. I jumped quickly into spiel mode—but it was so much more than that. At my old job, way back when it seems, I would go out and represent the agency and drum up dollars to support the program. Even though I knew this opportunity might be about dollars, I considered it such an opportunity to share the rich blessings I have experienced by being a part of this ministry and what I have seen it accomplish in the lives of others.
There’s more I want to write about but I need to get myself around for work. We’ll finish this later on…
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