And I'm fine. I really think I could have gone back to work and with some of the things going on I think I should have. Sigh.
I walked to the hospital this morning. I would have worked out at Curves, but our town is insane. All summer they have been resurfacing the main streets. It has been a mess. Traffic has been horribly knotted up. Yesterday they started on the main drag where Curves is and I honestly just didn't want to mess with the traffic. So instead of waking Beth up to give me a ride, I let her and Asher sleep and walked. It took me about 20 minutes.
I was whisked straight to out-patient surgery as soon as I was checked in. My nurse was a dear. My sticks went in perfect. My anestesiologist (sp?) was quite nice and spoke really fast. I met briefly with the doc. I really like her. I was rolled over to surgery. The gas doc said to breath deep and the next thing I knew I woke up in recovery. I was there about 20 minutes and moved back to my original room where I immediately needed to pee. I was home before 1:00. On a scale of 1-10 my pain is at a .5 and though I was given perscriptions for 800mg Motrin and Vicadin, I just took an Alieve. Beth assured me that if I wanted some spending money I could sell the Vicadin. I laughed and told her no thanks!!!! We both laughed.
I'm not supposed to drive or shower for 24 hours and have to wait 2 weeks for well, you know, until I see my doc. I can go back to Curves on Monday. My original nurse said that my quick wake up was probably due to be in such good shape. That made me feel good!
So, I'm going to rest for today. An iced coffee sure would be nice!
TTFN
Friday, August 03, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
Finally Friday
I didn't think it was ever going to get here...but it did. Today at 3:15 I met with the doctor to discuss the results of the biopsy I had done last week.
The very best news is that it was not cancer. Hugest of sigh of relief!!!!!
Next Friday morning I am having a endometrial ablation. This is to "fix" the problem of heavy bleeding and irregular cycles. According to the doctor, 50% of all women who have this procedure never have another period. I made her repeat that. Wow! 45% experience only light periods. And the remaining 5% observe no positive results from the procedure and have to have a hysterectomy. I want to be in the 50% group!
I'm just very relieved tonight. So is Nelson. I think I'll sleep well tonight.
I hope I do because tomorrow I work at Curves in the morning and then I'm driving to Annie's (about 2 1/2 hours). I'll spend the afternoon and evening spoiling my two other grandsweeties. I wish you could hear Pnel talk---she's the maturist sounding 3 1/2 yr old around! I have to show up with ice cream and a Pony (as in My Little Pony).
On Sunday then, I'm going to drive over to Ft. Wayne to visit with my friend who just graduated from seminary and took her first church. I'm taking some music along for church...and maybe my guitar. We'll have lunch and catch up before I'll head back home.
It'll be a full weekend, but I think my spirit will be blessed and I'm sure to bring home lots and lots of smiles!!!!
Hope there's some smiles in your weekend, too!
The very best news is that it was not cancer. Hugest of sigh of relief!!!!!
Next Friday morning I am having a endometrial ablation. This is to "fix" the problem of heavy bleeding and irregular cycles. According to the doctor, 50% of all women who have this procedure never have another period. I made her repeat that. Wow! 45% experience only light periods. And the remaining 5% observe no positive results from the procedure and have to have a hysterectomy. I want to be in the 50% group!
I'm just very relieved tonight. So is Nelson. I think I'll sleep well tonight.
I hope I do because tomorrow I work at Curves in the morning and then I'm driving to Annie's (about 2 1/2 hours). I'll spend the afternoon and evening spoiling my two other grandsweeties. I wish you could hear Pnel talk---she's the maturist sounding 3 1/2 yr old around! I have to show up with ice cream and a Pony (as in My Little Pony).
On Sunday then, I'm going to drive over to Ft. Wayne to visit with my friend who just graduated from seminary and took her first church. I'm taking some music along for church...and maybe my guitar. We'll have lunch and catch up before I'll head back home.
It'll be a full weekend, but I think my spirit will be blessed and I'm sure to bring home lots and lots of smiles!!!!
Hope there's some smiles in your weekend, too!
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Feet Up
I'm really enjoying my weekends. Sundays especially. It's so good to relax.
There has been a lot of stress at work lately. I think it's going to get better.
Health issues have arisen. I had the ultrasound on 7/10 and the in-office biopsy on 7/17. I will get the results on 7/27. My uterine wall is twice as thick as it should be. Could be nothing. Or...Have I ever mentioned how I loathe waiting?
I had a flat tire on the way to work last Monday AM. On my way to open the Curves club at 5:10AM. Luckily Nelson was able to hear the phone ring. He got me to work and the car to the tire place and I was only about 10minutes late.
Saturday was pleasant. I worked out early. Nelson took Asher to a family reunion where he met up with his parents and with Annie and the kids. Beth and I shopped and had lunch together. I also visited the book sale at the library. I came away with a couple of bags of books for next to nothing. I love that! I got a couple Robert Fulghum books. I really enjoy his stuff. Thought provoking humor. I got a few novels, a huge light cookbook (for Nelson), a book on menopause and women's health, and two Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus books (recommended for Beth and Ron by my mom :).....)
Today Nelson and I brought snacks for Sunday School. We cut up fruit and made my sister's yummy fruit dip (equal parts of cream cheese and marshmallow whip seasoned with cinnamon). You would have thought we brought pure gold. Everyone loved them. And of course there was way to much so we'll be enjoying some for a few days. Then Nelson and I sang in church. I love singing with my husband. We picked a couple short songs that we used to do when we were providing music for revivals back in the early 80's. It was fun and very well received.
So, Sundays are just good days for games on the Palm, reading, generally vegging on the front porch wicker. Right now Beth, Ron, and Nelson are watching a couple suspense movies. I'll pass.
I'll save my TV time for Next Food Network Star later.
I think there's an iced coffee calling my name, so please excuse me while I hunt it down and put my feet up again.
May there be moments of pure refreshing in your day today!
There has been a lot of stress at work lately. I think it's going to get better.
Health issues have arisen. I had the ultrasound on 7/10 and the in-office biopsy on 7/17. I will get the results on 7/27. My uterine wall is twice as thick as it should be. Could be nothing. Or...Have I ever mentioned how I loathe waiting?
I had a flat tire on the way to work last Monday AM. On my way to open the Curves club at 5:10AM. Luckily Nelson was able to hear the phone ring. He got me to work and the car to the tire place and I was only about 10minutes late.
Saturday was pleasant. I worked out early. Nelson took Asher to a family reunion where he met up with his parents and with Annie and the kids. Beth and I shopped and had lunch together. I also visited the book sale at the library. I came away with a couple of bags of books for next to nothing. I love that! I got a couple Robert Fulghum books. I really enjoy his stuff. Thought provoking humor. I got a few novels, a huge light cookbook (for Nelson), a book on menopause and women's health, and two Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus books (recommended for Beth and Ron by my mom :).....)
Today Nelson and I brought snacks for Sunday School. We cut up fruit and made my sister's yummy fruit dip (equal parts of cream cheese and marshmallow whip seasoned with cinnamon). You would have thought we brought pure gold. Everyone loved them. And of course there was way to much so we'll be enjoying some for a few days. Then Nelson and I sang in church. I love singing with my husband. We picked a couple short songs that we used to do when we were providing music for revivals back in the early 80's. It was fun and very well received.
So, Sundays are just good days for games on the Palm, reading, generally vegging on the front porch wicker. Right now Beth, Ron, and Nelson are watching a couple suspense movies. I'll pass.
I'll save my TV time for Next Food Network Star later.
I think there's an iced coffee calling my name, so please excuse me while I hunt it down and put my feet up again.
May there be moments of pure refreshing in your day today!
Friday, July 20, 2007
Terrible News
I got a call from a concerned former co-worker. This person was terribly concerned for me.
This person started by asking if I was ok. Their concern began to concern me.
Turns out that Nelson and I are getting a divorce. We had a fight. He left without saying anything in the middle of the night. And now we're getting a divorce.
This was very shocking and surprising to me.
I called Nelson to check on how we are. Turns out: it was news to him too. Can you believe it? We're getting a divorce and no one told us. I didn't think it worked that way, but I guess when someone decides to meddle and spread rumors because their life is so dull that's what happens.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. I just wish there was a way to choose who can read blog postings. I enjoy the whole process of meeting new people through this medium, but I'm really tired of the way one person and their vindictive meddling can take something that has been so positive and turn it into something so distasteful and negative.
This person started by asking if I was ok. Their concern began to concern me.
Turns out that Nelson and I are getting a divorce. We had a fight. He left without saying anything in the middle of the night. And now we're getting a divorce.
This was very shocking and surprising to me.
I called Nelson to check on how we are. Turns out: it was news to him too. Can you believe it? We're getting a divorce and no one told us. I didn't think it worked that way, but I guess when someone decides to meddle and spread rumors because their life is so dull that's what happens.
Anyway, I'll keep you posted. I just wish there was a way to choose who can read blog postings. I enjoy the whole process of meeting new people through this medium, but I'm really tired of the way one person and their vindictive meddling can take something that has been so positive and turn it into something so distasteful and negative.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Auto Pilot
Have you ever headed out the door and flipped the auto pilot switch on inadvertently, only to find yourself not where you need to be? I take this one path each time I go to Curves to workout or work. This morning I was also taking it to go to the factory to lead devotions. Fortunately, I “woke” up before I went beyond my intended destination.
This started me thinking about moving about life on auto pilot. I imagine we all do it. We get lulled into patterns of familiar behavior that we slip into when we’re not paying attention. We also revert back into those patterns when things get difficult, confusing, or painful.
I work within the portion of the population that has committed some kind of crime. Life has become very difficult for them. Most of them are trying to get their lives turned around, but when things get tough it’s just easier, or at least more natural, for them to revert to familiar behavior. The technical term is recidivism.
So there I was just about to miss my turn and God got me to thinking about returning to the familiar. And I was immediately reminded of Peter and the gang. Most of them were fishing when Jesus called them. It’s what they knew and they were pretty good at it. But Jesus invited them to a new way of life, of thinking; new patterns of behavior: following him.
What is amazing to me was the willingness that the disciples demonstrated in leaving behind their “familiar” to follow Jesus. Their patterns were deeply entrenched in their psyches. Their families had been fishermen for generations. This wasn’t a fad. This was in the fabric of their being. But they walked away from it and followed after Jesus.
Peter and the other fishermen really dove into what Jesus called them to. They gave their lives for this. They believed in the message. They got charged by the miracles. They really liked it when he “gave it” to the Pharisees and Romans. I think that’s why when Jesus was crucified they crashed emotionally. I believe they felt betrayed. Imagine how foolish they felt. They would have had to, look at what they gave up to follow Jesus!
So it’s not too surprising to me that they were found in the fishing boats by Jesus that morning after the resurrection. It was natural for them to return to what was familiar. They had been good at fishing and when the Jesus thing didn’t seem to be turning out the way they had hoped---well, pass the net.
It makes me smile to picture their faces as they were coming to shore and they spied someone there tending a fire. It sure looked like Jesus, but come on, there was no way! But the closer they got, the more impossible it was to doubt it. It was Jesus and breakfast was served.
The scriptures record a conversation between Jesus and Peter that I believe the other disciples “overheard.” They didn’t want to look like they were listening because it really sounded like Peter was being scolded and no one else wanted to line up for that. But they still listened.
Scholars and layman alike have taken a stab at why Jesus grilled Peter the way he did that morning. Here’s my take on it. Jesus understood why Peter went back to fishing, but he needed to move Peter beyond the grip of the familiar if he was ever going to live out the life Jesus was offering to him. So asks Peter a question—three times.
I imagine the first time the question was posed Peter answered it, almost robotically, automatically. Of course he loved Jesus. Then Jesus pointed him the direction of the unfamiliar. Again, Jesus asks, and possibly confused, Peter responds the same. Then move away from what is familiar and trust me with what you do not understand. Simple enough. But Jesus must sense that Peter’s hand is still way too close to that auto-pilot button and he asks Peter again. In order to answer this time Peter must throw up his hands in frustration—and then he gets it.
Jesus’ quasi-cryptic questioning finally achieves the desired result. Peter’s defenses have finally been broken through. He understands and never looks back. You wonder why Peter could stand so boldly on Pentecost. Ever question Peter’s ability to sing while he was in jail? That morning there on the beach Jesus finally was able to move Peter from his bent toward the familiar into the fullness of serving Him.
Now, that’s not to say Peter always got it. There was that dream sequence at Cornelius’ house where Jesus had to break through those old theories on what was clean and unclean. And that run in with Paul later in Jerusalem. Still, Peter was much more able to move past those things into the place where God was going to lead him, even to the humiliating death he endured.
So I guess the question that begs to be asked is how are you doing facing the uncertain challenges in your faith journey? How close is your hand to flipping that auto-pilot button? You’re being invited to something more. Will you leave the nets, or whatever your “familiar” is and feed His sheep, or whatever He is calling you to do? It might be messy, but it’s so incredibly worth it! Paul caught on to the process and in his letter to the Romans: “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"(Romans 8:15, The Message).
It’s time to move forward from the familiar and ask God what is next. It’s a little scary, but oh what an adventure!
This started me thinking about moving about life on auto pilot. I imagine we all do it. We get lulled into patterns of familiar behavior that we slip into when we’re not paying attention. We also revert back into those patterns when things get difficult, confusing, or painful.
I work within the portion of the population that has committed some kind of crime. Life has become very difficult for them. Most of them are trying to get their lives turned around, but when things get tough it’s just easier, or at least more natural, for them to revert to familiar behavior. The technical term is recidivism.
So there I was just about to miss my turn and God got me to thinking about returning to the familiar. And I was immediately reminded of Peter and the gang. Most of them were fishing when Jesus called them. It’s what they knew and they were pretty good at it. But Jesus invited them to a new way of life, of thinking; new patterns of behavior: following him.
What is amazing to me was the willingness that the disciples demonstrated in leaving behind their “familiar” to follow Jesus. Their patterns were deeply entrenched in their psyches. Their families had been fishermen for generations. This wasn’t a fad. This was in the fabric of their being. But they walked away from it and followed after Jesus.
Peter and the other fishermen really dove into what Jesus called them to. They gave their lives for this. They believed in the message. They got charged by the miracles. They really liked it when he “gave it” to the Pharisees and Romans. I think that’s why when Jesus was crucified they crashed emotionally. I believe they felt betrayed. Imagine how foolish they felt. They would have had to, look at what they gave up to follow Jesus!
So it’s not too surprising to me that they were found in the fishing boats by Jesus that morning after the resurrection. It was natural for them to return to what was familiar. They had been good at fishing and when the Jesus thing didn’t seem to be turning out the way they had hoped---well, pass the net.
It makes me smile to picture their faces as they were coming to shore and they spied someone there tending a fire. It sure looked like Jesus, but come on, there was no way! But the closer they got, the more impossible it was to doubt it. It was Jesus and breakfast was served.
The scriptures record a conversation between Jesus and Peter that I believe the other disciples “overheard.” They didn’t want to look like they were listening because it really sounded like Peter was being scolded and no one else wanted to line up for that. But they still listened.
Scholars and layman alike have taken a stab at why Jesus grilled Peter the way he did that morning. Here’s my take on it. Jesus understood why Peter went back to fishing, but he needed to move Peter beyond the grip of the familiar if he was ever going to live out the life Jesus was offering to him. So asks Peter a question—three times.
I imagine the first time the question was posed Peter answered it, almost robotically, automatically. Of course he loved Jesus. Then Jesus pointed him the direction of the unfamiliar. Again, Jesus asks, and possibly confused, Peter responds the same. Then move away from what is familiar and trust me with what you do not understand. Simple enough. But Jesus must sense that Peter’s hand is still way too close to that auto-pilot button and he asks Peter again. In order to answer this time Peter must throw up his hands in frustration—and then he gets it.
Jesus’ quasi-cryptic questioning finally achieves the desired result. Peter’s defenses have finally been broken through. He understands and never looks back. You wonder why Peter could stand so boldly on Pentecost. Ever question Peter’s ability to sing while he was in jail? That morning there on the beach Jesus finally was able to move Peter from his bent toward the familiar into the fullness of serving Him.
Now, that’s not to say Peter always got it. There was that dream sequence at Cornelius’ house where Jesus had to break through those old theories on what was clean and unclean. And that run in with Paul later in Jerusalem. Still, Peter was much more able to move past those things into the place where God was going to lead him, even to the humiliating death he endured.
So I guess the question that begs to be asked is how are you doing facing the uncertain challenges in your faith journey? How close is your hand to flipping that auto-pilot button? You’re being invited to something more. Will you leave the nets, or whatever your “familiar” is and feed His sheep, or whatever He is calling you to do? It might be messy, but it’s so incredibly worth it! Paul caught on to the process and in his letter to the Romans: “This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"(Romans 8:15, The Message).
It’s time to move forward from the familiar and ask God what is next. It’s a little scary, but oh what an adventure!
Saturday, July 07, 2007
Simple Thoughts
Have I ever mentioned I am low maintenance? I am.
I don't color my hair anymore.
I don't use multiple hair products to style my hair.
It takes me two minutes to dry and style my hair.
I don't wear any makeup. None. I'm thinking (due to lots of reading) that I should probably consider a light foundation with some level of SPF just to protect my skin.
I don't even own makeup. None.
I have never gotten my nails done. The only nail product I own is a bottle of Sally Hanson tough nails because my have a tendency to crack way down on the sides and to file or trim them there would be excessively painful.
I have less than 10 pairs of earrings.
I have about 8 necklaces.
I have more rings, 12 if I counted right.
I buy most of my clothes at Good Will. Last Sunday I wore a new outfit: a skirt and shortsleeve jacket. It's a light corally pink gingham seersucker--I love it! One of the more well to do ladies in our class leaned over and told me she loved it, it was so cute, where did I get it? She just didn't know what to do with my answer. (giggles)
I just decided that my hub has it pretty easy.
What are my indulgences?
I love flavored coffee. I want some now.
I am a bookaholic, but I have gotten much better about that. I ask for gift cards for birthday and Christmas so other people feed my habit!
I like good smelling shower lotions/cleansers. Right now my fav is by Dove. It's a creamy pro-age product. Yum.
Good food. Fresh fruits and veggies. Eating healthy and yummy--it's a passion!
Yup...I'm a low maintenance girl!
********************************************************************************
This weekend is our town's Balloon Festival. Nelson, Beth, Ron, Asher and I went last night to see the lift off and balloon glow. It was quite beautiful. We all arrived differently. Nelson drove because his ankle is extremely sore right now. Beth and Ron rode bikes. Asher was pushed in his stroller--by me. I walked.
As we sat there oohin and ahhing, we decided that this is what we would do for Nelson's 50th birthday next year. He has always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. He loaths (capitalized and said most emphatically) birthday parties. So we're going to pool our resources (the girls and I) and get him a sunrise flight for his birthday. I'm quite excited about that! And I have to wait till next May! (more giggles)
This morning while I caught up on my internet time, I could hear the balloons floating overhead, their hot air bursts breaking the quiet morning around me. It was such a powerful but peaceful sound. For a brief moment I thought I might even consider taking flight with my hub. But a quick search of the internet woke me up to the reality of cost and my very real fear of heights--which is really a fear of falling, which is really a fear of the pain of landing....(shakes head at silliness of self). Perhaps I'll just hold the champaign for when he lands!
Time to get ready to go shopping. Beth, Asher and I are going to hunt down some garage sale goodies!
I don't color my hair anymore.
I don't use multiple hair products to style my hair.
It takes me two minutes to dry and style my hair.
I don't wear any makeup. None. I'm thinking (due to lots of reading) that I should probably consider a light foundation with some level of SPF just to protect my skin.
I don't even own makeup. None.
I have never gotten my nails done. The only nail product I own is a bottle of Sally Hanson tough nails because my have a tendency to crack way down on the sides and to file or trim them there would be excessively painful.
I have less than 10 pairs of earrings.
I have about 8 necklaces.
I have more rings, 12 if I counted right.
I buy most of my clothes at Good Will. Last Sunday I wore a new outfit: a skirt and shortsleeve jacket. It's a light corally pink gingham seersucker--I love it! One of the more well to do ladies in our class leaned over and told me she loved it, it was so cute, where did I get it? She just didn't know what to do with my answer. (giggles)
I just decided that my hub has it pretty easy.
What are my indulgences?
I love flavored coffee. I want some now.
I am a bookaholic, but I have gotten much better about that. I ask for gift cards for birthday and Christmas so other people feed my habit!
I like good smelling shower lotions/cleansers. Right now my fav is by Dove. It's a creamy pro-age product. Yum.
Good food. Fresh fruits and veggies. Eating healthy and yummy--it's a passion!
Yup...I'm a low maintenance girl!
********************************************************************************
This weekend is our town's Balloon Festival. Nelson, Beth, Ron, Asher and I went last night to see the lift off and balloon glow. It was quite beautiful. We all arrived differently. Nelson drove because his ankle is extremely sore right now. Beth and Ron rode bikes. Asher was pushed in his stroller--by me. I walked.
As we sat there oohin and ahhing, we decided that this is what we would do for Nelson's 50th birthday next year. He has always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon. He loaths (capitalized and said most emphatically) birthday parties. So we're going to pool our resources (the girls and I) and get him a sunrise flight for his birthday. I'm quite excited about that! And I have to wait till next May! (more giggles)
This morning while I caught up on my internet time, I could hear the balloons floating overhead, their hot air bursts breaking the quiet morning around me. It was such a powerful but peaceful sound. For a brief moment I thought I might even consider taking flight with my hub. But a quick search of the internet woke me up to the reality of cost and my very real fear of heights--which is really a fear of falling, which is really a fear of the pain of landing....(shakes head at silliness of self). Perhaps I'll just hold the champaign for when he lands!
Time to get ready to go shopping. Beth, Asher and I are going to hunt down some garage sale goodies!
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
De-stressing
Purely lazy day.
And I've loved every minute of it.
I did not use my time wisely.
I revelled in doing absolutely nothing of consequence.
I am a sloth!
I read a couple different articles over the past week that link weight gain with stress--no duh. I gain weight when I get stressed because I am a stress eater. Tell me something new. Well, believe it or not: they did!
When a person is stressed a hormone is produced that essentially does two things. First, it increases your hunger: no wonder I'm a stress eater!!! This hormone overload also causes the belly fat to kick in to overdrive.
So today I thought a lot about kicking stress out of my life.
Actually, I contemplated ways to de-stress my distress. Here's what I mean. I believe that we are wired to take a certain amount of stress. Stress, not distress, becomes a motivator to grow, change, and improve. The problems come when we don't handle our stress in healthy ways and it shifts over into the realm of distress: stress overload that paralyzes us and causes us to react instead of acting in responsible and appropriate ways. When we get stuck in distress we make poor choices and poor choices lead to increased distress. It becomes a totally self-defeating process. In my classes I then teach ways to de-stress your distress.
In my slothful state today then, I began to examine my own life to see what distress I have allowed to crowd into my life. One of the major areas of over-stress is my working two jobs. I have been taking on more and more hours at the Curves job and at times have allowed myself to be taken advantage of by the manager when she needed someone to fill in. I will own that it has felt nice at times to be called and to be considered capable of closing the club by myself. I think my ego is over that now. I like the pocket money and the fact that I don't have to pay for my membership, but since I've started working I haven't lost any weight or inches and I'm wondering if it's due to the extra stress I've been experiencing? Perhaps it's time to quit. (insert huge sad sigh) Or, perhaps I just need to get better at establishing boundaries and limits. I'm not going to be any less a valuable employee if I learn to say no. In fact, I may be able to be an employee a lot longer if I do.
I like the way this feels. Hope I still feel that way when I talk to the manager about it.
And I've loved every minute of it.
I did not use my time wisely.
I revelled in doing absolutely nothing of consequence.
I am a sloth!
I read a couple different articles over the past week that link weight gain with stress--no duh. I gain weight when I get stressed because I am a stress eater. Tell me something new. Well, believe it or not: they did!
When a person is stressed a hormone is produced that essentially does two things. First, it increases your hunger: no wonder I'm a stress eater!!! This hormone overload also causes the belly fat to kick in to overdrive.
So today I thought a lot about kicking stress out of my life.
Actually, I contemplated ways to de-stress my distress. Here's what I mean. I believe that we are wired to take a certain amount of stress. Stress, not distress, becomes a motivator to grow, change, and improve. The problems come when we don't handle our stress in healthy ways and it shifts over into the realm of distress: stress overload that paralyzes us and causes us to react instead of acting in responsible and appropriate ways. When we get stuck in distress we make poor choices and poor choices lead to increased distress. It becomes a totally self-defeating process. In my classes I then teach ways to de-stress your distress.
In my slothful state today then, I began to examine my own life to see what distress I have allowed to crowd into my life. One of the major areas of over-stress is my working two jobs. I have been taking on more and more hours at the Curves job and at times have allowed myself to be taken advantage of by the manager when she needed someone to fill in. I will own that it has felt nice at times to be called and to be considered capable of closing the club by myself. I think my ego is over that now. I like the pocket money and the fact that I don't have to pay for my membership, but since I've started working I haven't lost any weight or inches and I'm wondering if it's due to the extra stress I've been experiencing? Perhaps it's time to quit. (insert huge sad sigh) Or, perhaps I just need to get better at establishing boundaries and limits. I'm not going to be any less a valuable employee if I learn to say no. In fact, I may be able to be an employee a lot longer if I do.
I like the way this feels. Hope I still feel that way when I talk to the manager about it.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Interesting
I needed to sit with your responses for a while.
They aren’t what I expected.
When I said something about “permission to fall apart” my mind was referring back to the “permissions” of the previous post: permission to be colorful and permission to relax. What I was thinking about was about how I was falling apart physically and how it seemed to happen with the monumental turning of 50. But a deeper intent seems to have risen to the surface and cry out to be heard. And so I’m listening.
There has not been much permission in my life to “fall apart” emotionally. Emotions, pretty much, were denied by the individual and ignored by others. Thinking about that, I’m pretty sure that my sister’s “headaches” while real were a somatic cry to be heard. I replaced feeling with busy. So did you catch the irony? I finally feel like I have permission to relax and now I loose my emotion muffler (busy-ness). I’m so out of tune with my emotions that I write what I think is something about my physical being and you all hear my emotional cry regarding my need to fall apart emotionally.
Thanks for catching that. That’s the beauty of this process. That’s one of the main reasons I treasure it so very much…treasure you.
I want you to know that I really took in your messages. The initial shook of what the doctor explained to me has worn off. I’m thinking more clearly. It’s amazing how quickly I latched on to the worst case scenario. I guess the possibility has to be considered, but I am choosing not to dwell there. Most everything that she ordered, test-wise, is standard rule out stuff. We will get through this!
I’m glad the appointment was on Tuesday and not today. This morning Nelson left with a group to go on a mission trip with people from our church. They are headed to Chicago to work at an inner city mission. Nelson hasn’t been on a mission trip since 2000 when he went to Belize. I’m going to miss his cooking all weekend, but I’m so happy he got to go! And I’m happy he was here Tuesday to heap on his wonderful reassurance. Trust me, I know how blessed I am to have that man in my life!
Well, work is screaming. TTFN
They aren’t what I expected.
When I said something about “permission to fall apart” my mind was referring back to the “permissions” of the previous post: permission to be colorful and permission to relax. What I was thinking about was about how I was falling apart physically and how it seemed to happen with the monumental turning of 50. But a deeper intent seems to have risen to the surface and cry out to be heard. And so I’m listening.
There has not been much permission in my life to “fall apart” emotionally. Emotions, pretty much, were denied by the individual and ignored by others. Thinking about that, I’m pretty sure that my sister’s “headaches” while real were a somatic cry to be heard. I replaced feeling with busy. So did you catch the irony? I finally feel like I have permission to relax and now I loose my emotion muffler (busy-ness). I’m so out of tune with my emotions that I write what I think is something about my physical being and you all hear my emotional cry regarding my need to fall apart emotionally.
Thanks for catching that. That’s the beauty of this process. That’s one of the main reasons I treasure it so very much…treasure you.
I want you to know that I really took in your messages. The initial shook of what the doctor explained to me has worn off. I’m thinking more clearly. It’s amazing how quickly I latched on to the worst case scenario. I guess the possibility has to be considered, but I am choosing not to dwell there. Most everything that she ordered, test-wise, is standard rule out stuff. We will get through this!
I’m glad the appointment was on Tuesday and not today. This morning Nelson left with a group to go on a mission trip with people from our church. They are headed to Chicago to work at an inner city mission. Nelson hasn’t been on a mission trip since 2000 when he went to Belize. I’m going to miss his cooking all weekend, but I’m so happy he got to go! And I’m happy he was here Tuesday to heap on his wonderful reassurance. Trust me, I know how blessed I am to have that man in my life!
Well, work is screaming. TTFN
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Permission
Permission to fall apart.
I just got back from the OB/GYN. Hadn’t had an annual check up since fall of 2003. Now I have a mammogram, bone density, blood work, and ultrasound scheduled. One week after the ultrasound I return to the office for a biopsy of sorts.
I stopped at the scheduling desk on my way out and got it all put on the calendar. It’s all rule out sort of stuff. Nothing is radically wrong…well except for this pesky spotting between periods which could very minor or the big C.
After I left the office I went straight out to Nelson’s work. Fortunately, he could take a couple minutes to reassure me. Oddly, though I’m a little concerned about the testing and possible results, the thing I’m most concerned about is the cost. He has insurance coverage, but things still cost. I needed his reassurance that I’m worth the cost.
I’m sure that sounds crazy, but a peek into my childhood explains the fear. When I was little I had four corrective eye surgeries. I overheard my parents discussing and “complaining” about the expense. They had to drag, I mean take, me over to Toledo almost every Saturday and that was more expense and a “waste” of time. My child ears, mind, and heart heard that I wasn’t worth it. I was a burden. Not a good message for a child to get.
I was just talking with Dan about it. I grew up battling the “worth” monster. At the agency I worked at BC I went three years without asking for even a cost of living raise. I told Dan not to get any ideas, I have healed a bit on that one! But worth is an issue and struggle for me.
Nelson smiled his cute reassuring smile and told me we would make it work and asked how I was. I’ll be ok. I just dealt better with permission to be colorful and relaxed than I am with permission to fall apart.
I just got back from the OB/GYN. Hadn’t had an annual check up since fall of 2003. Now I have a mammogram, bone density, blood work, and ultrasound scheduled. One week after the ultrasound I return to the office for a biopsy of sorts.
I stopped at the scheduling desk on my way out and got it all put on the calendar. It’s all rule out sort of stuff. Nothing is radically wrong…well except for this pesky spotting between periods which could very minor or the big C.
After I left the office I went straight out to Nelson’s work. Fortunately, he could take a couple minutes to reassure me. Oddly, though I’m a little concerned about the testing and possible results, the thing I’m most concerned about is the cost. He has insurance coverage, but things still cost. I needed his reassurance that I’m worth the cost.
I’m sure that sounds crazy, but a peek into my childhood explains the fear. When I was little I had four corrective eye surgeries. I overheard my parents discussing and “complaining” about the expense. They had to drag, I mean take, me over to Toledo almost every Saturday and that was more expense and a “waste” of time. My child ears, mind, and heart heard that I wasn’t worth it. I was a burden. Not a good message for a child to get.
I was just talking with Dan about it. I grew up battling the “worth” monster. At the agency I worked at BC I went three years without asking for even a cost of living raise. I told Dan not to get any ideas, I have healed a bit on that one! But worth is an issue and struggle for me.
Nelson smiled his cute reassuring smile and told me we would make it work and asked how I was. I’ll be ok. I just dealt better with permission to be colorful and relaxed than I am with permission to fall apart.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Lovin' It
I have so many things I want to write about.
This past weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Cleveland, Ohio. It was a powerful experience for me at a lot of different levels. I was tired and crampy (yeehaw), but I enjoy the fellowship of the group of women I was with that I sucked it up and soaked it in. I really enjoy the speakers of WOF, too. It was very interesting that on Friday night that several of the speaker and presenters made this statement: God has you in that seat for a purpose.
Right before the fun began in the arena I was chatting away with the woman sitting next to me. All of a sudden, she looked over my shoulder and greeted a woman from church who had come separately. It happened to be the woman who had led our group a year ago at church who we had the unfortunate non-fellowship experience. It’s kind of funny, I was going to put a link back to where I wrote about it originally and I couldn’t find it. I’m glad for that. Subsequent to the time, it’s safe to describe our interchanges as strained. Then right before vacation Dan asked me what had happened between me and her. He could only know there was something if she had been asking him about me. To say that I was uneasy and concerned is an understatement. So I look up and see this woman and God’s messengers tell me He put us side by side. God has an interesting sense of humor. More interesting to me was the fact that even though I had attempted some pleasantries, on Saturday morning she exchanged seats and moved out of the seat God had assigned. I’m still processing that one.
I’m noticing something quite nice. Now don’t laugh, not even a giggle! I am enjoying being 50. It reminds me a little of being in Arizona. Down there with the strong Hispanic influence there just seems to be blanket permission to be colorful. I love it! Being 50 is like having permission to slow down, permission to savor, permission to enjoy. That probably sounds weird to many of you, but I have been so incredibly driven all my adult life that this is radically different for me. And I like it!
And fiction. I know I’ve mentioned that I’ve been reading novels lately. I thought maybe it would end when I got back from Mom’s but I spent the most delightful couple of hours last evening sitting on my front porch (on the new pseudo-wicker furniture Nelson bought me—tan/natural with burgundy flowered cushions; settee, 2 chairs and a table) reading. I only came in because it got too dark to read. I actually found myself considering bringing out a candle.
I guess I’m just feeling relaxed and dare I say content. Never thought I’d get here, but I think I’ll book a room coz it’s really quite nice!
This past weekend I went to the Women of Faith Conference in Cleveland, Ohio. It was a powerful experience for me at a lot of different levels. I was tired and crampy (yeehaw), but I enjoy the fellowship of the group of women I was with that I sucked it up and soaked it in. I really enjoy the speakers of WOF, too. It was very interesting that on Friday night that several of the speaker and presenters made this statement: God has you in that seat for a purpose.
Right before the fun began in the arena I was chatting away with the woman sitting next to me. All of a sudden, she looked over my shoulder and greeted a woman from church who had come separately. It happened to be the woman who had led our group a year ago at church who we had the unfortunate non-fellowship experience. It’s kind of funny, I was going to put a link back to where I wrote about it originally and I couldn’t find it. I’m glad for that. Subsequent to the time, it’s safe to describe our interchanges as strained. Then right before vacation Dan asked me what had happened between me and her. He could only know there was something if she had been asking him about me. To say that I was uneasy and concerned is an understatement. So I look up and see this woman and God’s messengers tell me He put us side by side. God has an interesting sense of humor. More interesting to me was the fact that even though I had attempted some pleasantries, on Saturday morning she exchanged seats and moved out of the seat God had assigned. I’m still processing that one.
I’m noticing something quite nice. Now don’t laugh, not even a giggle! I am enjoying being 50. It reminds me a little of being in Arizona. Down there with the strong Hispanic influence there just seems to be blanket permission to be colorful. I love it! Being 50 is like having permission to slow down, permission to savor, permission to enjoy. That probably sounds weird to many of you, but I have been so incredibly driven all my adult life that this is radically different for me. And I like it!
And fiction. I know I’ve mentioned that I’ve been reading novels lately. I thought maybe it would end when I got back from Mom’s but I spent the most delightful couple of hours last evening sitting on my front porch (on the new pseudo-wicker furniture Nelson bought me—tan/natural with burgundy flowered cushions; settee, 2 chairs and a table) reading. I only came in because it got too dark to read. I actually found myself considering bringing out a candle.
I guess I’m just feeling relaxed and dare I say content. Never thought I’d get here, but I think I’ll book a room coz it’s really quite nice!
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Back Home
Total Scrabble games: 87
Score: Mom 43 Daisy 44
That's the closest we've been and the most games we've ever played!
Today I'm going through withdrawl.
Here are my notes from vacation:
Here's Tina laughing at herself:
-This morning woke up at 2:00am and Mother Nature was screaming in my ear. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed to hop up and CRASH! The momentary disorientation cleared and reality dawned: I was at Mom's not in the cozy confines of my Ohio bedroom. I had tried to get out of bed through the wall. Not always the best plan. Fortunately, I didn't pee myself making this discovery.
-I went to Curves to work out this morning. They have a very nice facility. The staff person was very helpful. I stepped up to my first machine and about threw my hip into the next county. Oh my! I didn't even think about how the machines my set for more fragile bone structures. I was working the glute machine and it was set so much more gently. I just busted out with laughter and kept right on working.
Am I really on vacation? I have already taken three calls from the factory, made one to TCompany, and called the office and the boss to get new equipment. I also had a call from an participant that I'm trying to find a job for. My life is never dull. And before you scold me....I want the packaging folks to call: they're still learning and I don't want them making mistakes. It also gives me continued opportunities to encourage them in their new leadership roles...and okay: it keeps me as the authority that they need to respect and turn to.
Now that last statement may need some clarification. It's not that I want or need anymore to be the "know it all." There was a time (BC--before crime) when it was very important to me and my twisted psyche that I was indispensable. That's not what I'm shooting for here.
The people I work with struggle with two issues (among others of course) in big ways: authority and responsibility. They don't accept the authority of those they should. There are multitudes of reasons why, including ingrained patterns of behavior that can justify any longer other than to say that it's always been that way. Another major reason is that when they were young the people who were supposed to be trusted authorities had the same two issues and they never were able to mold healthy patterns of response in their children. Unfortunately, these kids grow thinking the only person they can trust is themselves, but they're not even really sure about that because they know that their own track record of good decisions doesn't exist.
They need to learn to trust that the person in authority, me, is trustworthy and if in a critical time (like moving to a new facility) I drop off the radar screen then my credibility and their trust drop proportionately. So, the phone will stay on.
As for responsibility, think back to when you were an adolescent. Remember how you wanted all the privileges but none of the responsibility? You think you knew it all, and absolutely knew what was best--until there was a crisis and then it was back to Mom and Dad to bail you out. As adults this leads to poor choices in relationships and in spending time and money. Bad choices result in painful and costly consequences. But who's going to bail you out now? Typically there is no one, and who can you trust anyway? Those who might help always attach some string (like wanting the person to change the behavior that got them in the jam). It's a self-destructive cycle.
I went to the endocrinologist with Mom today. He took an hour with us. He was not happy that Mom's doctor had not sent over the results of her past bone density tests. He wants to run some more tests, but his first thought is that she doesn't have osteomalsia, even though she remembered quite probably having rickets as a child.
The good bad news is that he scheduled her for a 24 hour urine catch and we learned that what he had asked for would actually take two separate days so we will be housebound Sunday morning through Tuesday morning. I guess we'll just have to stay out of the hundred degree weather and play scrabble instead (insert extremely huge cheesy grin).
We did learn that there really isn't any value to taking a vitamin E supplement. Mom had been taking one everyday because they touted to be antioxidant and good for your heart. The doctor said that the recent studies had disproved this and in fact more harm might be done than good.
I also learned from Mom's sharing that she had not taken HRT and that may have contributed to her bone loss. So now how do you know whether HRT is good or bad? I was sort of hoping to be able to avoid it given the familial proclivity to cancer--now I don't know.
Tonight we're having marinated chicken breasts--and I'm cooking. What a hoot! Mom took me grocery shopping yesterday and bought me whatever I wanted. The strawberries look yum!
On Sat...
After a few games of scrabble, Mom and I went to Tubac. This is one of my favorite places. It's an artsy village. There are all kinds of shops. I got everyone's gifts there: t-shirts, rompers for the boys, a puzzle of the Grand Canyon, a mug. We ate lunch at the Tubac Culinary School's Presidio Cafe. Oh my! Mom had a wonderful salad and I had a pannini with grilled eggplant and some other incredible stuff. We finished up our day out with a stop at the Green Valley Nut Company where we bought the rest of the gifts.
In the evening I took a walk to the nearest Walgreens. I finished the Karen Kingsbury book Like Dandelion Dust. It was quite good. All the ladies in our WMS group really like her books. This was my first. I like her style too. I had combed through Mom's books and wasn't really in the mood for her mysteries. So my walk was for exercise, but also to see if I could find something else to read. I perused their Best Seller's display. I picked one up about a 50 year old woman who faced the whole struggle about "not being able to go home." I thought it might be a good read. Then I noticed one called A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. He wrote The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and Message in a Bottle, plus a whole lot more I hadn't heard of. I thought I'd give it a try.
Sunday Morning Bright and Fair...
This morning I took an early walk. I had decided to forgo church this morning. I left the house at 6:05am. It was a beautiful morning. God must have kept the windows open because the airs was so fresh. And while it's been nearly 100 degrees everyday, this morning it was comfortable right between 70 and 80.
Several others were walking as well. Some had two legs while more had four. I was surprised this morning to see more men than women walking, too.
In addition to the crisp morning air and the breath-taking views of the mountains surrounding me, the birds raised their voices. The quail were sounding out their warning. (They always sound like there singing in a bucket to me.) As I walked past one bush a momma and her peep scurried out across the street to safety.
The song of the morning dove is so incredibly mournful. I can't decide whether it is more peaceful or sad. It's such a calming sound. Can you imagine being a baby dove, to be raised surrounded by such a peaceful sound. Mom cringes when I wax on about the beautiful song of the dove. She thinks they're dirty disgusting birds that are far too prolific and should be hunted. It's better for us to play scrabble than to talk about wildlife.
There were so many other chirps and twitters as I walked my three plus miles. There was the chatter of the blue jay. They're so intimidating. They sound so mean. I give them a wide birth. There were some little red headed ones the size of finches. They have a high pitched song. And of course there was the loud call of the crow.
As I walked I talked. First I said thank you to Julia Cameron, the writing guru. I found myself noticing all the bird sounds and using creative adjectives to describe them. In her book The Artist's Way (or something like that, really it's recommended in all her books) she stresses the creative importance of walking everyday and using that time to feed your thoughts and observation skills.
Then I talked with God. It was some sweet one on one time. I remembered ten years ago when I was here visiting Mom. One night as I laid my head on my pillow, I realized that in ten years I would be old enough to live in this age restricted community. And here I am ten years later, no longer dreading the arrival of fifty, but now wishing that I could live in a place like this..
As I walked I noticed several places that have for sale signs. I walked by a couple to see if they have flyers. I don't think I'll ever be able to live in Green Valley. The prices are so high. Tucson might be more realistic and the north side is so wonderfully nestled in the mountains that I think I could be comfortable there.
In my conversation with God, though, he made me aware that there was a deeper transition taking place in me. Each time I have come out here, I just feel a connection in the depths of my being. It's like I'm holding my breath when I'm in Ohio and only really able to breathe here. My thinking is different here, too. I don't feel rushed or pressured. It's like all these visits have been preparing me for slowing down. All the struggles of the past years have been the grist to shape me ready to live a life that is still productive, but very, very different.
I just reread that paragraph. I'm not sure I conveyed those thoughts very well. I'll work some more on that.
Monday.
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I went to work out. It was rather serendipitous (don't you just love that word) that while I was there the owner came in. She had just purchased this Curves within the last year. So I asked her some of the questions I had that pertain to owning a Curves here in the Southwest.
After my workout at Curves I went to the library and spent some time on the computer. I was about an hour into reading and surfing when the electricity went out. There were some pretty upset people--I guess this has happened a couple times lately. I was thankful that I wasn't doing anything really important.
One thing that I accomplished before the lights went out was to begin final arrangements to meet with at cyber-friend during my layover at Dallas/Fort Worth on Wednesday on my way home. I posted on her diary that I had a 3 hour layover and wouldn't it be cool to meet. So we'll see.
Tuesday.
I go home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think about.
I am looking forward to a couple things. Tomorrow during my layover in Dallas/Fort Worth I am going to connect the Happy Wife of OpenDiary. This should be lots of fun!
This morning started out the same as many others:
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I worked out at Curves.
I went to the library.
I came home and we dove into Scrabble-mania.
We decided to go to our favorite Hallmark store, to run by Curves so Mom could buy me a Green Valley Curves shirt, and then have lunch at a quaint little bistro right next to Curves. The bistro was a wonderful choice. We had two luscious salads! And then it was home to dive right back into Scrabble!
I had an interesting conversation with God this morning about the whole idea of moving here. As I drove past the beautiful homes with their enormous price tags, I felt a bit of sadness. There's just no way we'll be able to afford to live here. Not any way that I can imagine.
So maybe here is just about the visits. I know I can live comfortably in Ohio. I know how to do that. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes and simple needs. Just as that thought came to me, I past three high priced luxury cars. I don't know if I would fit in here.
I finished the Sparks book this morning. I really enjoyed it. I will be looking in the library for his other works. When I was at Walmart Sunday night getting some more salad greens I picked up the Susannah's Garden. So far it's a good read too. Go figure: me getting into fiction!
I got my hair cut. Did I mention that? I did that on Friday. It's cut short. I wasn't going to do that. I had decided that since I wasn't working in the factory I would try and let it grow. My girls had been encouraging me to let it grow and I knew Nelson would like that, but it was just getting too shaggy and looked unkempt. So I got it cut short. Pixy-like, almost boy cut. At first I wasn't sure, but I like it so much. There's almost no care to it. It's cute. And way cooler. The only draw back: I'm noticing quite a few more grays. Hmmmmm. Now I wonder if can stick to my no color resolve? Only time and my hairdresser will know..
Score: Mom 43 Daisy 44
That's the closest we've been and the most games we've ever played!
Today I'm going through withdrawl.
Here are my notes from vacation:
Here's Tina laughing at herself:
-This morning woke up at 2:00am and Mother Nature was screaming in my ear. I threw my legs over the edge of the bed to hop up and CRASH! The momentary disorientation cleared and reality dawned: I was at Mom's not in the cozy confines of my Ohio bedroom. I had tried to get out of bed through the wall. Not always the best plan. Fortunately, I didn't pee myself making this discovery.
-I went to Curves to work out this morning. They have a very nice facility. The staff person was very helpful. I stepped up to my first machine and about threw my hip into the next county. Oh my! I didn't even think about how the machines my set for more fragile bone structures. I was working the glute machine and it was set so much more gently. I just busted out with laughter and kept right on working.
Am I really on vacation? I have already taken three calls from the factory, made one to TCompany, and called the office and the boss to get new equipment. I also had a call from an participant that I'm trying to find a job for. My life is never dull. And before you scold me....I want the packaging folks to call: they're still learning and I don't want them making mistakes. It also gives me continued opportunities to encourage them in their new leadership roles...and okay: it keeps me as the authority that they need to respect and turn to.
Now that last statement may need some clarification. It's not that I want or need anymore to be the "know it all." There was a time (BC--before crime) when it was very important to me and my twisted psyche that I was indispensable. That's not what I'm shooting for here.
The people I work with struggle with two issues (among others of course) in big ways: authority and responsibility. They don't accept the authority of those they should. There are multitudes of reasons why, including ingrained patterns of behavior that can justify any longer other than to say that it's always been that way. Another major reason is that when they were young the people who were supposed to be trusted authorities had the same two issues and they never were able to mold healthy patterns of response in their children. Unfortunately, these kids grow thinking the only person they can trust is themselves, but they're not even really sure about that because they know that their own track record of good decisions doesn't exist.
They need to learn to trust that the person in authority, me, is trustworthy and if in a critical time (like moving to a new facility) I drop off the radar screen then my credibility and their trust drop proportionately. So, the phone will stay on.
As for responsibility, think back to when you were an adolescent. Remember how you wanted all the privileges but none of the responsibility? You think you knew it all, and absolutely knew what was best--until there was a crisis and then it was back to Mom and Dad to bail you out. As adults this leads to poor choices in relationships and in spending time and money. Bad choices result in painful and costly consequences. But who's going to bail you out now? Typically there is no one, and who can you trust anyway? Those who might help always attach some string (like wanting the person to change the behavior that got them in the jam). It's a self-destructive cycle.
I went to the endocrinologist with Mom today. He took an hour with us. He was not happy that Mom's doctor had not sent over the results of her past bone density tests. He wants to run some more tests, but his first thought is that she doesn't have osteomalsia, even though she remembered quite probably having rickets as a child.
The good bad news is that he scheduled her for a 24 hour urine catch and we learned that what he had asked for would actually take two separate days so we will be housebound Sunday morning through Tuesday morning. I guess we'll just have to stay out of the hundred degree weather and play scrabble instead (insert extremely huge cheesy grin).
We did learn that there really isn't any value to taking a vitamin E supplement. Mom had been taking one everyday because they touted to be antioxidant and good for your heart. The doctor said that the recent studies had disproved this and in fact more harm might be done than good.
I also learned from Mom's sharing that she had not taken HRT and that may have contributed to her bone loss. So now how do you know whether HRT is good or bad? I was sort of hoping to be able to avoid it given the familial proclivity to cancer--now I don't know.
Tonight we're having marinated chicken breasts--and I'm cooking. What a hoot! Mom took me grocery shopping yesterday and bought me whatever I wanted. The strawberries look yum!
On Sat...
After a few games of scrabble, Mom and I went to Tubac. This is one of my favorite places. It's an artsy village. There are all kinds of shops. I got everyone's gifts there: t-shirts, rompers for the boys, a puzzle of the Grand Canyon, a mug. We ate lunch at the Tubac Culinary School's Presidio Cafe. Oh my! Mom had a wonderful salad and I had a pannini with grilled eggplant and some other incredible stuff. We finished up our day out with a stop at the Green Valley Nut Company where we bought the rest of the gifts.
In the evening I took a walk to the nearest Walgreens. I finished the Karen Kingsbury book Like Dandelion Dust. It was quite good. All the ladies in our WMS group really like her books. This was my first. I like her style too. I had combed through Mom's books and wasn't really in the mood for her mysteries. So my walk was for exercise, but also to see if I could find something else to read. I perused their Best Seller's display. I picked one up about a 50 year old woman who faced the whole struggle about "not being able to go home." I thought it might be a good read. Then I noticed one called A Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. He wrote The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, and Message in a Bottle, plus a whole lot more I hadn't heard of. I thought I'd give it a try.
Sunday Morning Bright and Fair...
This morning I took an early walk. I had decided to forgo church this morning. I left the house at 6:05am. It was a beautiful morning. God must have kept the windows open because the airs was so fresh. And while it's been nearly 100 degrees everyday, this morning it was comfortable right between 70 and 80.
Several others were walking as well. Some had two legs while more had four. I was surprised this morning to see more men than women walking, too.
In addition to the crisp morning air and the breath-taking views of the mountains surrounding me, the birds raised their voices. The quail were sounding out their warning. (They always sound like there singing in a bucket to me.) As I walked past one bush a momma and her peep scurried out across the street to safety.
The song of the morning dove is so incredibly mournful. I can't decide whether it is more peaceful or sad. It's such a calming sound. Can you imagine being a baby dove, to be raised surrounded by such a peaceful sound. Mom cringes when I wax on about the beautiful song of the dove. She thinks they're dirty disgusting birds that are far too prolific and should be hunted. It's better for us to play scrabble than to talk about wildlife.
There were so many other chirps and twitters as I walked my three plus miles. There was the chatter of the blue jay. They're so intimidating. They sound so mean. I give them a wide birth. There were some little red headed ones the size of finches. They have a high pitched song. And of course there was the loud call of the crow.
As I walked I talked. First I said thank you to Julia Cameron, the writing guru. I found myself noticing all the bird sounds and using creative adjectives to describe them. In her book The Artist's Way (or something like that, really it's recommended in all her books) she stresses the creative importance of walking everyday and using that time to feed your thoughts and observation skills.
Then I talked with God. It was some sweet one on one time. I remembered ten years ago when I was here visiting Mom. One night as I laid my head on my pillow, I realized that in ten years I would be old enough to live in this age restricted community. And here I am ten years later, no longer dreading the arrival of fifty, but now wishing that I could live in a place like this..
As I walked I noticed several places that have for sale signs. I walked by a couple to see if they have flyers. I don't think I'll ever be able to live in Green Valley. The prices are so high. Tucson might be more realistic and the north side is so wonderfully nestled in the mountains that I think I could be comfortable there.
In my conversation with God, though, he made me aware that there was a deeper transition taking place in me. Each time I have come out here, I just feel a connection in the depths of my being. It's like I'm holding my breath when I'm in Ohio and only really able to breathe here. My thinking is different here, too. I don't feel rushed or pressured. It's like all these visits have been preparing me for slowing down. All the struggles of the past years have been the grist to shape me ready to live a life that is still productive, but very, very different.
I just reread that paragraph. I'm not sure I conveyed those thoughts very well. I'll work some more on that.
Monday.
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I went to work out. It was rather serendipitous (don't you just love that word) that while I was there the owner came in. She had just purchased this Curves within the last year. So I asked her some of the questions I had that pertain to owning a Curves here in the Southwest.
After my workout at Curves I went to the library and spent some time on the computer. I was about an hour into reading and surfing when the electricity went out. There were some pretty upset people--I guess this has happened a couple times lately. I was thankful that I wasn't doing anything really important.
One thing that I accomplished before the lights went out was to begin final arrangements to meet with at cyber-friend during my layover at Dallas/Fort Worth on Wednesday on my way home. I posted on her diary that I had a 3 hour layover and wouldn't it be cool to meet. So we'll see.
Tuesday.
I go home tomorrow. It makes me sad to think about.
I am looking forward to a couple things. Tomorrow during my layover in Dallas/Fort Worth I am going to connect the Happy Wife of OpenDiary. This should be lots of fun!
This morning started out the same as many others:
I took Mom's urine catch to the lab.
I worked out at Curves.
I went to the library.
I came home and we dove into Scrabble-mania.
We decided to go to our favorite Hallmark store, to run by Curves so Mom could buy me a Green Valley Curves shirt, and then have lunch at a quaint little bistro right next to Curves. The bistro was a wonderful choice. We had two luscious salads! And then it was home to dive right back into Scrabble!
I had an interesting conversation with God this morning about the whole idea of moving here. As I drove past the beautiful homes with their enormous price tags, I felt a bit of sadness. There's just no way we'll be able to afford to live here. Not any way that I can imagine.
So maybe here is just about the visits. I know I can live comfortably in Ohio. I know how to do that. I'm a simple girl with simple tastes and simple needs. Just as that thought came to me, I past three high priced luxury cars. I don't know if I would fit in here.
I finished the Sparks book this morning. I really enjoyed it. I will be looking in the library for his other works. When I was at Walmart Sunday night getting some more salad greens I picked up the Susannah's Garden. So far it's a good read too. Go figure: me getting into fiction!
I got my hair cut. Did I mention that? I did that on Friday. It's cut short. I wasn't going to do that. I had decided that since I wasn't working in the factory I would try and let it grow. My girls had been encouraging me to let it grow and I knew Nelson would like that, but it was just getting too shaggy and looked unkempt. So I got it cut short. Pixy-like, almost boy cut. At first I wasn't sure, but I like it so much. There's almost no care to it. It's cute. And way cooler. The only draw back: I'm noticing quite a few more grays. Hmmmmm. Now I wonder if can stick to my no color resolve? Only time and my hairdresser will know..
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
VACATION!!!!!
(Picture me doin' the happy dance...okay, perhaps that's not too pleasant a pic....just see me with the hugest of smiles!!!!!!!)
Tomorrow morning I'm rising at 4:15am. I'm getting picked up at 5:15am. My friend Pam and I are heading for Columbus Airport where she will leave me. I will be boarding a plane and flying to Dallas/Ft. Worth and then on to TUCSON where my mom will pick me up. We will have an entire week to ourselves to truly play scrabble til our eyes fall out!!!!
I will be checking in on you at the library so behave!
Hugs and Hershey's kisses to you all!!!!!
Tomorrow morning I'm rising at 4:15am. I'm getting picked up at 5:15am. My friend Pam and I are heading for Columbus Airport where she will leave me. I will be boarding a plane and flying to Dallas/Ft. Worth and then on to TUCSON where my mom will pick me up. We will have an entire week to ourselves to truly play scrabble til our eyes fall out!!!!
I will be checking in on you at the library so behave!
Hugs and Hershey's kisses to you all!!!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Deleting Negativity
I have written several pieces but deleted them. It wasn't because they were not written well--there's a switch for me. There's been something gnawing at me, an unpleasant situation that has been troubling to me all week. I found out that a person had done something that caused my shame meter to read through the roof. It was pure malicious character assassignation.
I wanted to blast this person. Shame them the way they shamed me. My heart ached for vengence. To make matters worse I found out what this person had done through a friend who was afraid her own character was about to be maliciously attacked. So I was not only angry, I felt rising righteous indignation.
Not knowing, an internet friend that I greatly respect and appreciate posted a piece about holding one's tongue when facing the possibility of spreading negativity. I guess that's part of what kept me hitting the delet button.
Then this morning as we went to prayer in Sunday School, my Bible fell open to a very precious passage to me. When I was in jail this promise was given to me as an encouragement. This morning it seemed to reinforce that encouragement and remind me that the whole matter was in God's hands and He would and could handle it much better than I ever could.
Here's the passage:
"7 As for me, I look to the Lord for help.I wait confidently for God to save me,and my God will certainly hear me.8 Do not gloat over me, my enemies!For though I fall, I will rise again.Though I sit in darkness,the Lord will be my light.9 I will be patient as the Lord punishes me,for I have sinned against him.But after that, he will take up my caseand give me justice for all I have suffered from my enemies.The Lord will bring me into the light,and I will see his righteousness.10 Then my enemies will see that the Lord is on my side.They will be ashamed that they taunted me." (Micah 7:7-10a, New Living Translation).
I knew I was being punished then because I knew I had done something wrong. I was willing to endure that punishment because I deserved it. The promise was that God would restore me. He still is doing that. Each day brings new experiences that reinforce that. Like this morning, as I was walking toward the sanctuary, the regular worship leader stopped me. She had her grandson on her hip and shared that she was having a really rough grandma morning. Would there be anyway I could just hop in and lead worship? Uh, sure. So I did. After service a man I highly respect came up to me and said, "You have a gift to lead worship. I don't know how we're going to use it, but we'll figure it out." Tears filled my eyes.
My nemisis will probably read this. She takes delight in reading my entries and then filling her day and the ears of my former co-workers with snide and nasty comments about me. Oh well. As far as I'm concerned she's in God's hands. He's promised to take up my case.
It's going to be much easier to hold my tongue when negative comments come a knocking!
I wanted to blast this person. Shame them the way they shamed me. My heart ached for vengence. To make matters worse I found out what this person had done through a friend who was afraid her own character was about to be maliciously attacked. So I was not only angry, I felt rising righteous indignation.
Not knowing, an internet friend that I greatly respect and appreciate posted a piece about holding one's tongue when facing the possibility of spreading negativity. I guess that's part of what kept me hitting the delet button.
Then this morning as we went to prayer in Sunday School, my Bible fell open to a very precious passage to me. When I was in jail this promise was given to me as an encouragement. This morning it seemed to reinforce that encouragement and remind me that the whole matter was in God's hands and He would and could handle it much better than I ever could.
Here's the passage:
"7 As for me, I look to the Lord for help.I wait confidently for God to save me,and my God will certainly hear me.8 Do not gloat over me, my enemies!For though I fall, I will rise again.Though I sit in darkness,the Lord will be my light.9 I will be patient as the Lord punishes me,for I have sinned against him.But after that, he will take up my caseand give me justice for all I have suffered from my enemies.The Lord will bring me into the light,and I will see his righteousness.10 Then my enemies will see that the Lord is on my side.They will be ashamed that they taunted me." (Micah 7:7-10a, New Living Translation).
I knew I was being punished then because I knew I had done something wrong. I was willing to endure that punishment because I deserved it. The promise was that God would restore me. He still is doing that. Each day brings new experiences that reinforce that. Like this morning, as I was walking toward the sanctuary, the regular worship leader stopped me. She had her grandson on her hip and shared that she was having a really rough grandma morning. Would there be anyway I could just hop in and lead worship? Uh, sure. So I did. After service a man I highly respect came up to me and said, "You have a gift to lead worship. I don't know how we're going to use it, but we'll figure it out." Tears filled my eyes.
My nemisis will probably read this. She takes delight in reading my entries and then filling her day and the ears of my former co-workers with snide and nasty comments about me. Oh well. As far as I'm concerned she's in God's hands. He's promised to take up my case.
It's going to be much easier to hold my tongue when negative comments come a knocking!
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
Murphy Returns
It's Wednesday morning. I woke up at 3:40. I can't sleep. It's going to be a long day. They've all been long lately.
Monday, Murphy visited again, but got personal. I tried to keep my joy, but it wasn't easy. Early in the morning the Shipping and Receiving Team Leader reminded me that we didn't have any pallets. They were to come on the last truck run that was cancelled because of rain on Friday. I tossed him my car key and told him to run to the other plant, grab half a dozen and throw them in the back of my Mountaineer. He tossed the keys back and shared a different plan of taking materials off the ones there and using them. Life went on. Until I needed the key to run an errand. It was nowhere to be found.
I had four people tear the office apart--that's in addition to me. We scoured the work area and even opened up skids of packaged parts, just in case I set them down. That key was not willing to be found. I tried several times to get Nelson by cell, but he never turned his phone on. By the time I got someone at R Company to get a message to call me it was almost 2:00. I was counselled to call a dealer, give them my VIN# and they could get me a key. Good advice, except that would only work back to 98 and my car is a 97. (Insert weak smirky sort of smile)
Fortunately, we have AAA plus. They would send a locksmith and I would be covered for $50 of the cost to get him to make me a new key. Now I just needed Nelson to call back and tell me what to do. He called after 3:30. I call roadside service and the soonest the locksmith could be there was 6:30. Great. He's coming from about an hour away. If I use a local locksmith I loose the AAA benefit. So I sit and wait.
At first I waited in the building. I had my Palm with scrabble on it. I had a good book. I would be okay. At 6:00 I go out to the car, just in case he's early. I need to keep my cell at my side because he could call, but I'm down to one power bar and find out that my charger is broken. While I'm fiddling with that the sky opens up in an absolute delluge. I couldn't believe it. In that moment I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
The locksmith arrived at 6:15. The rain stopped. He was a very nice man. In two hours he took apart my door panal and made me two keys. I was home by 8:15.
Yesterday at work my office Team Leader didn't show up. Her aunt finally called me around noon to tell me that M was in the ER. M called later in the day: she has a gall stone that needs to be surgically removed, but she has no insurance. They recommend that she go to Akron for the surgery.
At one point I needed some copies made. I lifted the lid to the copier and there at the side was my key. I thought I had tossed it into my purse, tore my purse apart several times. I guess it knew it needed to be copied. Funny thing is that several of us made copies on Monday and never saw it.
Last night I worked at Curves. Afterwards I went out with the manager and owners and had a really nice time. Being with them just made me want to buy a Curves ten times more than before.
Today is a ten hour day in the factory. I got up way too early for that. I think I'll be ready for bed tonight. Now it's time to get ready to go work out. I feel a little like the guy in the old Dunkin Donuts commercial: Time to make the donuts. (Watch me trudge out almost robotically.)
A couple of weeks ago during breakfast with my prayer partner, she shared a piece of wisdom with me that had been recommended to her: Don't let anyone steal your weather. That's my challenge today. Don't let anyone or anything steal yours!
Monday, Murphy visited again, but got personal. I tried to keep my joy, but it wasn't easy. Early in the morning the Shipping and Receiving Team Leader reminded me that we didn't have any pallets. They were to come on the last truck run that was cancelled because of rain on Friday. I tossed him my car key and told him to run to the other plant, grab half a dozen and throw them in the back of my Mountaineer. He tossed the keys back and shared a different plan of taking materials off the ones there and using them. Life went on. Until I needed the key to run an errand. It was nowhere to be found.
I had four people tear the office apart--that's in addition to me. We scoured the work area and even opened up skids of packaged parts, just in case I set them down. That key was not willing to be found. I tried several times to get Nelson by cell, but he never turned his phone on. By the time I got someone at R Company to get a message to call me it was almost 2:00. I was counselled to call a dealer, give them my VIN# and they could get me a key. Good advice, except that would only work back to 98 and my car is a 97. (Insert weak smirky sort of smile)
Fortunately, we have AAA plus. They would send a locksmith and I would be covered for $50 of the cost to get him to make me a new key. Now I just needed Nelson to call back and tell me what to do. He called after 3:30. I call roadside service and the soonest the locksmith could be there was 6:30. Great. He's coming from about an hour away. If I use a local locksmith I loose the AAA benefit. So I sit and wait.
At first I waited in the building. I had my Palm with scrabble on it. I had a good book. I would be okay. At 6:00 I go out to the car, just in case he's early. I need to keep my cell at my side because he could call, but I'm down to one power bar and find out that my charger is broken. While I'm fiddling with that the sky opens up in an absolute delluge. I couldn't believe it. In that moment I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
The locksmith arrived at 6:15. The rain stopped. He was a very nice man. In two hours he took apart my door panal and made me two keys. I was home by 8:15.
Yesterday at work my office Team Leader didn't show up. Her aunt finally called me around noon to tell me that M was in the ER. M called later in the day: she has a gall stone that needs to be surgically removed, but she has no insurance. They recommend that she go to Akron for the surgery.
At one point I needed some copies made. I lifted the lid to the copier and there at the side was my key. I thought I had tossed it into my purse, tore my purse apart several times. I guess it knew it needed to be copied. Funny thing is that several of us made copies on Monday and never saw it.
Last night I worked at Curves. Afterwards I went out with the manager and owners and had a really nice time. Being with them just made me want to buy a Curves ten times more than before.
Today is a ten hour day in the factory. I got up way too early for that. I think I'll be ready for bed tonight. Now it's time to get ready to go work out. I feel a little like the guy in the old Dunkin Donuts commercial: Time to make the donuts. (Watch me trudge out almost robotically.)
A couple of weeks ago during breakfast with my prayer partner, she shared a piece of wisdom with me that had been recommended to her: Don't let anyone steal your weather. That's my challenge today. Don't let anyone or anything steal yours!
Friday, June 01, 2007
Moving Day
I just drank my supper. No, it wasn't one of those tasteless protein shakes. For some reason the only thing I wanted for supper was a rootbeer float. So Nelson stopped at our local rootbeer stand and got me one. It was lalicious.
I think that the reason that I wasn't hungry is that I am absolutely exhausted. Today was moving day. We had planned to move our entire packaging program to our new site today. Planned, aka hoped. Unfortunately, Murphy came to dwell among us. Fortuneately, we were able to keep going in spite of all his attempts at defeat.
First thing this morning, the trucking firm that we going to be using to transport parts from the factory where they are manufactured (and where we were) showed up with a 16' truck. We had opted to go with them and their 24' truck because, though it was smaller, we were assured that we could drive a forklift onto the truck and since the price was comparable to the company with the full size semi, we went with the smaller company to build our new relationship. The 16' foot truck they came with held very few pallets and we had to load it with a handcart.
While this was going on, I was trying to reach Dan. He had gone to a community-wide ministerial breakfast. I was under the impression that he would be there shortly after 8AM. He didn't leave the breakfast until after 9AM. When he got to the place where he was going to pick up a second moving truck (smaller but free---we were going to use it to move furniture) they informed him that the truck was in the shop getting new brakes. They were completely unapologetic about it, also. So Dan went and borrowed a pickup which we used to move several loads.
The transport company then decided to switch to a "flatbed" truck. I agreed to that thinking that they were going to bring a full-sized flat bed semi. Nope. They showed up with a 24' flatbed. My shipping and receiving (aka tow motor driver) team leader was a little leery but loaded the flatbed anyway. He only almost fell off once. (insert rolling of the eyes, a sigh, and the wonderment of whether anything else could go wrong).
We stopped for a short lunch break: let's hear it for $5 Little Ceasar's Pizza! We were back to moving. The transport company was balking at the number of loads it looked we were going to need to complete the job so we agreed on two more loads and then calling a day. I then went and scheduled a semi for at least two trips on Monday!
But wait, Murphy wasn't done! We got the first of the two loads transferred and the skies opened up and dumped an enormous storm on us. I cancelled the second load--you can't transport cardboard and auto parts in the rain. Then I told the crew to come on over to the new building and we would use the balance of the day to get set up for work on Monday.
I honestly believe that Cinderella's children are alive and well and living in Atown. The very mention, the very inkling, the very thought of 3:30PM and they are ready to bolt out the door. (insert shaking of the head and a heavy sigh) I was flat-out running through both plants trying to get the work done. If I wasn't running I was speed walking. No one keeps up with me. I lifted tables, file cabinets, and countless boxes. I was a filthy grub. The only thing I didn't do was break a nail! No one would guess that I am 50 watching me work. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just pointing out that I worked my butt off and even though I was spent, I was ready to work until the job was done. Only one person offered to stay but they needed to run a quick errand (to see a PO) and then they'd be back. We were close enough so I closed up for the day.
Next week I'll be working in the factory everday, all day, making sure that we're on track and doing things appropriately. This new facility is amazing. We have two-thirds more room. Everything we need is centrally located (bathrooms, break room, office, and drinking fountain). We're on the ground floor, but it's cool like being in the basement. The air is cleaner and it's way quieter. Being there is going to be such a blessing.
I will sleep well tonight. I may take some advil before I fall into bed. I have to work at Curves tomorrow. I hope I can move in the morning.
I just read back through this. I feel the need to add just a couple more things. This morning in our devotion I asked them what their fear was/is. Then I read Joshua 1:6-9: 6 "Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. 9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
We were strong and courageous. And it was a powerful image to keep in mind that no matter where we were/are God is with us! Each time Murphy popped up, we reminded ourselves that God was greater! Even though they didn't want to hang around and work as long as I would have liked, this crew did work well together and everyone worked. I was pleased by that.
So in the end today...I stole home! Take that Murphy!
I think that the reason that I wasn't hungry is that I am absolutely exhausted. Today was moving day. We had planned to move our entire packaging program to our new site today. Planned, aka hoped. Unfortunately, Murphy came to dwell among us. Fortuneately, we were able to keep going in spite of all his attempts at defeat.
First thing this morning, the trucking firm that we going to be using to transport parts from the factory where they are manufactured (and where we were) showed up with a 16' truck. We had opted to go with them and their 24' truck because, though it was smaller, we were assured that we could drive a forklift onto the truck and since the price was comparable to the company with the full size semi, we went with the smaller company to build our new relationship. The 16' foot truck they came with held very few pallets and we had to load it with a handcart.
While this was going on, I was trying to reach Dan. He had gone to a community-wide ministerial breakfast. I was under the impression that he would be there shortly after 8AM. He didn't leave the breakfast until after 9AM. When he got to the place where he was going to pick up a second moving truck (smaller but free---we were going to use it to move furniture) they informed him that the truck was in the shop getting new brakes. They were completely unapologetic about it, also. So Dan went and borrowed a pickup which we used to move several loads.
The transport company then decided to switch to a "flatbed" truck. I agreed to that thinking that they were going to bring a full-sized flat bed semi. Nope. They showed up with a 24' flatbed. My shipping and receiving (aka tow motor driver) team leader was a little leery but loaded the flatbed anyway. He only almost fell off once. (insert rolling of the eyes, a sigh, and the wonderment of whether anything else could go wrong).
We stopped for a short lunch break: let's hear it for $5 Little Ceasar's Pizza! We were back to moving. The transport company was balking at the number of loads it looked we were going to need to complete the job so we agreed on two more loads and then calling a day. I then went and scheduled a semi for at least two trips on Monday!
But wait, Murphy wasn't done! We got the first of the two loads transferred and the skies opened up and dumped an enormous storm on us. I cancelled the second load--you can't transport cardboard and auto parts in the rain. Then I told the crew to come on over to the new building and we would use the balance of the day to get set up for work on Monday.
I honestly believe that Cinderella's children are alive and well and living in Atown. The very mention, the very inkling, the very thought of 3:30PM and they are ready to bolt out the door. (insert shaking of the head and a heavy sigh) I was flat-out running through both plants trying to get the work done. If I wasn't running I was speed walking. No one keeps up with me. I lifted tables, file cabinets, and countless boxes. I was a filthy grub. The only thing I didn't do was break a nail! No one would guess that I am 50 watching me work. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just pointing out that I worked my butt off and even though I was spent, I was ready to work until the job was done. Only one person offered to stay but they needed to run a quick errand (to see a PO) and then they'd be back. We were close enough so I closed up for the day.
Next week I'll be working in the factory everday, all day, making sure that we're on track and doing things appropriately. This new facility is amazing. We have two-thirds more room. Everything we need is centrally located (bathrooms, break room, office, and drinking fountain). We're on the ground floor, but it's cool like being in the basement. The air is cleaner and it's way quieter. Being there is going to be such a blessing.
I will sleep well tonight. I may take some advil before I fall into bed. I have to work at Curves tomorrow. I hope I can move in the morning.
I just read back through this. I feel the need to add just a couple more things. This morning in our devotion I asked them what their fear was/is. Then I read Joshua 1:6-9: 6 "Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. 7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do. 8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. 9 This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
We were strong and courageous. And it was a powerful image to keep in mind that no matter where we were/are God is with us! Each time Murphy popped up, we reminded ourselves that God was greater! Even though they didn't want to hang around and work as long as I would have liked, this crew did work well together and everyone worked. I was pleased by that.
So in the end today...I stole home! Take that Murphy!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Stealing Home
I was watching ESPN's Sports Center this morning before heading out to work. One of the top plays was something I had never seen before: a guy stole home. I just stood in the living room, my mouth hanging open. It was an awesome play!
Nelson laughed at me a bit because I just kept repeating how amazing I thought it was. That takes a lot of guts to steal home. The pitcher is closer to home plate than the runner. He starts to run and the catcher hops up to let the pitcher know. The throw is close.. The ump in his animated fashion signals the runner safe. The catcher is incensed. The runner trots off to the dugout like it was no big thing. I'm standing in my living room with my mouth hanging open.
It didn't take long for me to start to see multiple spiritual implications to this outstanding baseball feat. Stealing home takes absolute fearlessness. You have to run quick and hard. You have to be ready for a horrible crash with the catcher, which most like result in more than one bruise (or at least it would for me). Isn't this the type of determination that is required to live by faith? John writes that perfect love leaves no room for fear.
I was so moved by this story that I used it in my devotions this morning with the packaging crew. I linked it with Philippians 4:4-9: Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is near. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.
I read those verses and I picture the runner with his head down running full out for home. Every move infused with intensity and determination. There is no hint of fear. There is looking to the left or right. That runner received the instruction from the coach and went for it with his entire being. Can we do any less?
Well, of course we can...and we often do. The almost laughable thing then is that we wonder why we are so easily thrown out of the game. Perhaps it has something to do with our stinkin' thinkin'. Perhaps it has something to do with our enormous worry and need to be in control. Perhaps it something to do with stubborn independent streak that keeps us from bringing our needs to our loving heavenly Father. Simply put, our choices will trip us up as we run the bases of life. The only thing we can control is the way we choose to run.
I'm going flat out. How about you?
Nelson laughed at me a bit because I just kept repeating how amazing I thought it was. That takes a lot of guts to steal home. The pitcher is closer to home plate than the runner. He starts to run and the catcher hops up to let the pitcher know. The throw is close.. The ump in his animated fashion signals the runner safe. The catcher is incensed. The runner trots off to the dugout like it was no big thing. I'm standing in my living room with my mouth hanging open.
It didn't take long for me to start to see multiple spiritual implications to this outstanding baseball feat. Stealing home takes absolute fearlessness. You have to run quick and hard. You have to be ready for a horrible crash with the catcher, which most like result in more than one bruise (or at least it would for me). Isn't this the type of determination that is required to live by faith? John writes that perfect love leaves no room for fear.
I was so moved by this story that I used it in my devotions this morning with the packaging crew. I linked it with Philippians 4:4-9: Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is near. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you.
I read those verses and I picture the runner with his head down running full out for home. Every move infused with intensity and determination. There is no hint of fear. There is looking to the left or right. That runner received the instruction from the coach and went for it with his entire being. Can we do any less?
Well, of course we can...and we often do. The almost laughable thing then is that we wonder why we are so easily thrown out of the game. Perhaps it has something to do with our stinkin' thinkin'. Perhaps it has something to do with our enormous worry and need to be in control. Perhaps it something to do with stubborn independent streak that keeps us from bringing our needs to our loving heavenly Father. Simply put, our choices will trip us up as we run the bases of life. The only thing we can control is the way we choose to run.
I'm going flat out. How about you?
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Telling Stories
Coming to love your own life requires you to believe that the past is God's will...ultimately written for both his glory and your participation in his redemption...He uses pain and brokenness, just as he uses shalom. (To Be Told, p. 126)
A good editor draws out what is not said in order to give life to what was aborted before it saw the light of day. We need friends who will name what is unnamed in our story, so that the truth is told. A good editor also helps to ensure that we don't edit out the truth. And a good editor helps us consider the implications of what our story tells us about ourselves. (To Be Told, p. 133)
My story will compel me to plead, shout, and cry at God's injustice, lethargy, and disregard. But in the mddle of my rage, I can't help but wonder at what kind of God would bear my contempt and not retaliate. How could he dure my haggling, let alone alter his plan to coincide with mine? In the face of such inconceivable grace, I can't help but fall at his feet with incredulity. The Almighty, Sovereign, Cator God is also the most humble Being we will ever know. And engaging in naked prayer with our humble God humbles us. But what hubles us most is the enormity of his love for us.
It is in surrendered silence that God speaks love. It is when I have brought to him the shredded strands of my story--when I am ashamed, angry, defiant, and afraid--that he calls me to hear what can be written but can't be explained. He speaks love. (To Be Told, p. 180, 181)
When I think of fasting, I would define it as abstaining from anything that fills the space inside us that God longs to occupy. Any idols can fodder for fasting: TV, e-mail, food. The heart of a fast is stepping back from life as it is and conceiving life as it could be. Heather Webb (To Be Told, p. 183)
I just finished reading Dan Allender's book, "To Be Told." I have quoted it a couple of times in earlier posts. I pulled the book back off my shelf to finish it in an attempt to get back on track with writing my story.
I sat with my fingers poised on the keyboard for several minutes, waiting for something to come out. I listened to my family, playing downstairs with Asher. I heard Nelson talking with Ron about the basketball and baseball game and wanted to rush down and add a tidbit to the conversation that I had heard on ESPN. Beth was trying to fix supper and Asher was growing impatient. I could rush down and rescue her...and him from her wrath. But I glued my butt to the chair. I need to be here.
Telling my story. That reminded me of the early days of June 1989. I had completed an introductory course in CPO (Clinical Pastoral Orientation) at seminary in Kansas City. I loved it. I decided that I needed to go further and applied for the summer CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) unit being offered at the same hospital. I was accepted--chosen. I was really excited.
One of the first things the group of chaplains did was meet at the SIT (supervisor in training) house for a get acquainted session. Our first task was to tell our story, as a way of introducing ourselves and getting our "stuff" out there. In typical Daisymarie fashion: I offered to go first. I told my story chronologically, plodding through the many moves I made during my childhood and early adulthood. I lifted out the salient lessons of each place. I thought I did I okay. Oddly, the group pointed out that there were very few pieces of my childhood and that there was a real disconnection. Later I likened it to beads on a string: they were connected by a thread that was unseen, but separated from each other--barely touching each other.
I listened as the others (there were six of us in the group) told there stories. In my mind I graded them. I felt good about my presentation until the last young woman presented her story. She was a violinist. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do in ministry, wasn't really sure why she was in seminary at all. She was quite thin and petite. She seemed to totally captivate the SIT. I was totally jealous of her ease and grace. She told her story in third person. It was so connected, but somehow separated from her, as if it was something she looked at but not who she was. She held it like a fine porceline doll, that you could admire but never play with for fear of breaking it. I envied her style. I envied her story. I knew we would never be friends. She represented so many things I wanted to be, but knew I couldn't be.
That was my first experience telling my story. Or so I thought. Not long ago, I was going through old files and I found a paper I had written for a college psychology course. It was crude and poorly written, but it was again a retelling my story. I had forgotten all about it. The thing that jumped out at me the most was how much that telling was repeated in the later CPE experience. So in a paper written when I was about 19 I lifted up themes and feelings that were echoed in the story of a a 32 year old. I grieved, and I grieve the wasted opportunity to reflect and grow. I grieved the lost connections.
Now here I sit at 50 and I realize that I'm needing to understand that story. My story needs understood and shared because what I have experienced has a purpose. I need to learn how to tell it, because it is not just my story, but God's story, too.
A good editor draws out what is not said in order to give life to what was aborted before it saw the light of day. We need friends who will name what is unnamed in our story, so that the truth is told. A good editor also helps to ensure that we don't edit out the truth. And a good editor helps us consider the implications of what our story tells us about ourselves. (To Be Told, p. 133)
My story will compel me to plead, shout, and cry at God's injustice, lethargy, and disregard. But in the mddle of my rage, I can't help but wonder at what kind of God would bear my contempt and not retaliate. How could he dure my haggling, let alone alter his plan to coincide with mine? In the face of such inconceivable grace, I can't help but fall at his feet with incredulity. The Almighty, Sovereign, Cator God is also the most humble Being we will ever know. And engaging in naked prayer with our humble God humbles us. But what hubles us most is the enormity of his love for us.
It is in surrendered silence that God speaks love. It is when I have brought to him the shredded strands of my story--when I am ashamed, angry, defiant, and afraid--that he calls me to hear what can be written but can't be explained. He speaks love. (To Be Told, p. 180, 181)
When I think of fasting, I would define it as abstaining from anything that fills the space inside us that God longs to occupy. Any idols can fodder for fasting: TV, e-mail, food. The heart of a fast is stepping back from life as it is and conceiving life as it could be. Heather Webb (To Be Told, p. 183)
I just finished reading Dan Allender's book, "To Be Told." I have quoted it a couple of times in earlier posts. I pulled the book back off my shelf to finish it in an attempt to get back on track with writing my story.
I sat with my fingers poised on the keyboard for several minutes, waiting for something to come out. I listened to my family, playing downstairs with Asher. I heard Nelson talking with Ron about the basketball and baseball game and wanted to rush down and add a tidbit to the conversation that I had heard on ESPN. Beth was trying to fix supper and Asher was growing impatient. I could rush down and rescue her...and him from her wrath. But I glued my butt to the chair. I need to be here.
Telling my story. That reminded me of the early days of June 1989. I had completed an introductory course in CPO (Clinical Pastoral Orientation) at seminary in Kansas City. I loved it. I decided that I needed to go further and applied for the summer CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) unit being offered at the same hospital. I was accepted--chosen. I was really excited.
One of the first things the group of chaplains did was meet at the SIT (supervisor in training) house for a get acquainted session. Our first task was to tell our story, as a way of introducing ourselves and getting our "stuff" out there. In typical Daisymarie fashion: I offered to go first. I told my story chronologically, plodding through the many moves I made during my childhood and early adulthood. I lifted out the salient lessons of each place. I thought I did I okay. Oddly, the group pointed out that there were very few pieces of my childhood and that there was a real disconnection. Later I likened it to beads on a string: they were connected by a thread that was unseen, but separated from each other--barely touching each other.
I listened as the others (there were six of us in the group) told there stories. In my mind I graded them. I felt good about my presentation until the last young woman presented her story. She was a violinist. She wasn't sure what she wanted to do in ministry, wasn't really sure why she was in seminary at all. She was quite thin and petite. She seemed to totally captivate the SIT. I was totally jealous of her ease and grace. She told her story in third person. It was so connected, but somehow separated from her, as if it was something she looked at but not who she was. She held it like a fine porceline doll, that you could admire but never play with for fear of breaking it. I envied her style. I envied her story. I knew we would never be friends. She represented so many things I wanted to be, but knew I couldn't be.
That was my first experience telling my story. Or so I thought. Not long ago, I was going through old files and I found a paper I had written for a college psychology course. It was crude and poorly written, but it was again a retelling my story. I had forgotten all about it. The thing that jumped out at me the most was how much that telling was repeated in the later CPE experience. So in a paper written when I was about 19 I lifted up themes and feelings that were echoed in the story of a a 32 year old. I grieved, and I grieve the wasted opportunity to reflect and grow. I grieved the lost connections.
Now here I sit at 50 and I realize that I'm needing to understand that story. My story needs understood and shared because what I have experienced has a purpose. I need to learn how to tell it, because it is not just my story, but God's story, too.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Write Now
I need to write. I sat in the office today and tried to write and it just didn't work.
RIght now I'm on the porch with my Palm TX and portable keyboard. It is so nice to be outside. My brain feels so much freer than sittng at the desk in the office.
This morning in Sunday School our teacher, one of my favoritest in the universe professors, concluded his series on the great theologians with Henri Nouwen. Wow! I was so moved--tears flowed freely during the closing prayer.
Several things jumped out at me. First, Nouwen wrote at least 40 books. Interestingly, they're all small. If you're unfamiliar with Nouwen, he was a Catholic priest who studied psychology at Menninger in Kansas and was the first to teach abnormal psychology at Notre Dame University. He also taught at Yale and Harvard. He resigned from each position. That in itself is unheard of! He was amazingly learned, degreed, and highly respected, but his books present extremely deep thoughts in ways that the average person can grasp and not in overwhelming volumes or tomes. That spoke volumes to me about some of the "blocks" I've thrown up for writing: I could never write anything substantial (aka long). Nouwen worked from the Greek philosophical principle that big books are boring.
Another thing that moved from the life of Nouwen was the whole "wounded healer" concept. Nouwen was so beloved by his students and friends, but he was extremely wounded and he ministered out of his woundedness. It was his time at Daybreak where he rerally appears to have found his niche. This is something I need to dig more deeply on, especially as it applies to my current ministry setting.
Finally, Dr. Flora brought a copy of Rembrandt's "Return of the Prodigal" and told us about Nouwen's experience in Russia with the painting. I want the book. I want the painting. I want to be able to look so deeply into things. What has kept me from depth? I feel like I have lived my life in the shallow end of the pool. I look at the people that I admire and respect the most and they are the people who think deeply, live deeply, love deeply. Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to people of passioon. But why not me?
At the point when Dr. Flora mentiooned that Nouwen wrote 40 books before he died Nelson leaned over to me and told me I better get started. He really believes that I have something to say. I think I believe it, too. So why don't I?
I tried to blame not writing on not having enough time. Lame. I waste so much time. That's why I came out on the porch to write now. I'm sick of watching TV. I don't want to read more of what other people write--I want to write!
I have tried to usse the excuse that I don't have enough to say. Lamer. I write two devotional guides and a couple blog/journal entries a week. I teach several classes a week. I coach people daily and encourage them in their faith and their work. Nelson would be the first to tell you that I have a lot to say. So why not write it? And I can't hide behind the can't wrrite a big enough book excuse either--say it, say it well, and move on. Big books are good door stops.
I am without excuse. I am also without direction. I am without guidance. Do I need a mentor? Do I need to take a class? Do I just need a swift kick in the seat?
A couple years ago I bought a copy of that year's "Writer's Market Guide." It might even have been a Christian Writers version. At the time I just wanted to try my hand at getting a few of my devotions published. I wonder where that is? I should probably check a more recent copy out of the library.
I need to write. I want to write. At Curves when we're signing up a new member we ask them how long they've been thinking about starting with Curves. Then on their form we write (it's actually part of the script): It's time to stop thinking and get started!
It really is!
RIght now I'm on the porch with my Palm TX and portable keyboard. It is so nice to be outside. My brain feels so much freer than sittng at the desk in the office.
This morning in Sunday School our teacher, one of my favoritest in the universe professors, concluded his series on the great theologians with Henri Nouwen. Wow! I was so moved--tears flowed freely during the closing prayer.
Several things jumped out at me. First, Nouwen wrote at least 40 books. Interestingly, they're all small. If you're unfamiliar with Nouwen, he was a Catholic priest who studied psychology at Menninger in Kansas and was the first to teach abnormal psychology at Notre Dame University. He also taught at Yale and Harvard. He resigned from each position. That in itself is unheard of! He was amazingly learned, degreed, and highly respected, but his books present extremely deep thoughts in ways that the average person can grasp and not in overwhelming volumes or tomes. That spoke volumes to me about some of the "blocks" I've thrown up for writing: I could never write anything substantial (aka long). Nouwen worked from the Greek philosophical principle that big books are boring.
Another thing that moved from the life of Nouwen was the whole "wounded healer" concept. Nouwen was so beloved by his students and friends, but he was extremely wounded and he ministered out of his woundedness. It was his time at Daybreak where he rerally appears to have found his niche. This is something I need to dig more deeply on, especially as it applies to my current ministry setting.
Finally, Dr. Flora brought a copy of Rembrandt's "Return of the Prodigal" and told us about Nouwen's experience in Russia with the painting. I want the book. I want the painting. I want to be able to look so deeply into things. What has kept me from depth? I feel like I have lived my life in the shallow end of the pool. I look at the people that I admire and respect the most and they are the people who think deeply, live deeply, love deeply. Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to people of passioon. But why not me?
At the point when Dr. Flora mentiooned that Nouwen wrote 40 books before he died Nelson leaned over to me and told me I better get started. He really believes that I have something to say. I think I believe it, too. So why don't I?
I tried to blame not writing on not having enough time. Lame. I waste so much time. That's why I came out on the porch to write now. I'm sick of watching TV. I don't want to read more of what other people write--I want to write!
I have tried to usse the excuse that I don't have enough to say. Lamer. I write two devotional guides and a couple blog/journal entries a week. I teach several classes a week. I coach people daily and encourage them in their faith and their work. Nelson would be the first to tell you that I have a lot to say. So why not write it? And I can't hide behind the can't wrrite a big enough book excuse either--say it, say it well, and move on. Big books are good door stops.
I am without excuse. I am also without direction. I am without guidance. Do I need a mentor? Do I need to take a class? Do I just need a swift kick in the seat?
A couple years ago I bought a copy of that year's "Writer's Market Guide." It might even have been a Christian Writers version. At the time I just wanted to try my hand at getting a few of my devotions published. I wonder where that is? I should probably check a more recent copy out of the library.
I need to write. I want to write. At Curves when we're signing up a new member we ask them how long they've been thinking about starting with Curves. Then on their form we write (it's actually part of the script): It's time to stop thinking and get started!
It really is!
Lunch in the Park
I'm just having the absolute best lunch I could imagine. I'm sitting at a picnic table, under a grove of pine trees, beside a lake, with birds singing all around me. Nelson grilled salmon last night and packed some for me for lunch along with a yunmmy salad and white chocolate raspberry flavored light and fit yogurt.
As if the food and surroundings weren't glorious enough to my soul, then I'm able to pull out this handheld and portable keyboard and write down the experience to share. Right now: life is very sweet and good.
Drat...reality just burst in. I had to take my car to get new brakes. Of course it wasn't going to be an inexpensive brake job. No, not for me. I needed new pads and rotors on all four wheels--to the tune of $542. But even that had some goodness.. I called last night and they were able to get me right in this morning and furnished me with a loner car (which I left in Atown with Nelson since today is my out of county travel day). And the car is ready to be picked up.
Meanwhile back to serenity. This park where I'm resting is one I went to often in my youth and then again the first few years of married life.
Reflecting on the fun times spent here, I was reminded of some thoughts I had this morning while driving. I was captured for a moment thinking about age and the passing of time. I"m fifty. I say that often. I wonder if I say it too much? My dad died when he was only 53. I have a whole lot of things I want to do before die. I think it's definitely going to take more than 3 years.
Tonight I'm going to do something responsible, grown up like, if you will. I want to take better care of this body I have. I'm eating better and exercising regularly. I take a good multiple vitamin and extra calcium/vitamin D. I have scheduled an appointment with a OB/GYN for my PAP (which I haven't had since 03). I was going to talk to her about a baseline bone density exam--since my mom has so much trouble and it appears to be something that has touched several women in my family. So what am I doing? I read in the paper that there was a free bone density exam happening at one of the nursing home/retirment communities here in town tonight--so I'm going.
It was terribly hard to leave the tranquility of the park for the sterile, chopped-up confines of cubicle world. But I did it.
(Just a follow up note: My bone density was a -0.02, which is very much in the good range. I'm still going to ask the doc if I need more.)
As if the food and surroundings weren't glorious enough to my soul, then I'm able to pull out this handheld and portable keyboard and write down the experience to share. Right now: life is very sweet and good.
Drat...reality just burst in. I had to take my car to get new brakes. Of course it wasn't going to be an inexpensive brake job. No, not for me. I needed new pads and rotors on all four wheels--to the tune of $542. But even that had some goodness.. I called last night and they were able to get me right in this morning and furnished me with a loner car (which I left in Atown with Nelson since today is my out of county travel day). And the car is ready to be picked up.
Meanwhile back to serenity. This park where I'm resting is one I went to often in my youth and then again the first few years of married life.
Reflecting on the fun times spent here, I was reminded of some thoughts I had this morning while driving. I was captured for a moment thinking about age and the passing of time. I"m fifty. I say that often. I wonder if I say it too much? My dad died when he was only 53. I have a whole lot of things I want to do before die. I think it's definitely going to take more than 3 years.
Tonight I'm going to do something responsible, grown up like, if you will. I want to take better care of this body I have. I'm eating better and exercising regularly. I take a good multiple vitamin and extra calcium/vitamin D. I have scheduled an appointment with a OB/GYN for my PAP (which I haven't had since 03). I was going to talk to her about a baseline bone density exam--since my mom has so much trouble and it appears to be something that has touched several women in my family. So what am I doing? I read in the paper that there was a free bone density exam happening at one of the nursing home/retirment communities here in town tonight--so I'm going.
It was terribly hard to leave the tranquility of the park for the sterile, chopped-up confines of cubicle world. But I did it.
(Just a follow up note: My bone density was a -0.02, which is very much in the good range. I'm still going to ask the doc if I need more.)
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Plug: AKA appeal
How many of you use google or one of the other major search engines on a daily basis? Great!
Here's what I would like to ask you to consider: there is a search engine (powered by google) that makes a donation to non-profit agencies each time it's used. Pretty cool!
The search engine is found at goodsearch.comI would like to ask you to consider putting Transformation Network down as the charity/non-profit that you would like your penny to go to.
We're a great cause, a worthy ministry, and would be deeply appreciative of your gesture.
Thanks.
Here's what I would like to ask you to consider: there is a search engine (powered by google) that makes a donation to non-profit agencies each time it's used. Pretty cool!
The search engine is found at goodsearch.comI would like to ask you to consider putting Transformation Network down as the charity/non-profit that you would like your penny to go to.
We're a great cause, a worthy ministry, and would be deeply appreciative of your gesture.
Thanks.
Monday, May 21, 2007
Monday Drama
I’m starting to not like Monday mornings. That’s not completely true, but lately, or at least the last two Mondays make me wonder what next Monday might hold.
On Friday, one of my work crew members came to me and apologized for not being honest when confronted last Monday. He did, in fact, not start work until 7:00am. He stated that he had been instructed by the Team Production Leader to stick to the story that everyone started at 6:00. I called Dan on Saturday and shared the new information with him. We both felt that we needed to let the Team Leader go.
We are a ministry that majors in second chances. Many people who work for us have messed up, but been given opportunity to keep their job and start over. This situation seemed different. This leader lied, influenced others to lie (coerced is a strong term), and stole from the company. Dan and I both felt that it would confusing for the team to have this person step down to a line crew position. She’s going to start back at our office with the prep classes and maybe we’ll be able to find her something else. We haven’t written her off, we want to help her be successful—we just can’t have her on this job.
The whole thing makes me sad. But that’s not the end of the sadness. I divvied up the leadership positions between three people: production, office, and shipping and receiving. Part of the reason that they supposedly felt the need to lie about their start time was to cover for the S/R TL coming in to work a half hour late. They couldn’t start on time without him there and then covered up his tardiness by fudging the time and leaving an hour early. I had to meet with him and give him a day off without pay. It didn’t make him happy. I have a feeling that he might quit. I’ve already started praying about that one.
It was interesting when we were confronting people about the newly discovered information about the lie and theft. The consistent reason given for “why” was that they didn’t want to “snitch.” Somehow, in their minds it was more important to not be a snitch than it was to be honest and not steal from the company. The trust they felt more loyal to was that of their peers, who would stab them in the back in a heartbeat, over their employer who demonstrates grace upon grace with them. The thinking is mind-boggling.
As we talked about it, we came up with this analogy: they would rather choose a momentary reduction of pain which results in long-term negative over momentary pain and long-term positive. They were so focused on the moment that there was no consideration for the future.
The whole thing just makes me want to go home and make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and devour the batter before it ever leaves the bowl…but know the long-term consequences of that, I think I’ll grab a bottle of water instead.
On Friday, one of my work crew members came to me and apologized for not being honest when confronted last Monday. He did, in fact, not start work until 7:00am. He stated that he had been instructed by the Team Production Leader to stick to the story that everyone started at 6:00. I called Dan on Saturday and shared the new information with him. We both felt that we needed to let the Team Leader go.
We are a ministry that majors in second chances. Many people who work for us have messed up, but been given opportunity to keep their job and start over. This situation seemed different. This leader lied, influenced others to lie (coerced is a strong term), and stole from the company. Dan and I both felt that it would confusing for the team to have this person step down to a line crew position. She’s going to start back at our office with the prep classes and maybe we’ll be able to find her something else. We haven’t written her off, we want to help her be successful—we just can’t have her on this job.
The whole thing makes me sad. But that’s not the end of the sadness. I divvied up the leadership positions between three people: production, office, and shipping and receiving. Part of the reason that they supposedly felt the need to lie about their start time was to cover for the S/R TL coming in to work a half hour late. They couldn’t start on time without him there and then covered up his tardiness by fudging the time and leaving an hour early. I had to meet with him and give him a day off without pay. It didn’t make him happy. I have a feeling that he might quit. I’ve already started praying about that one.
It was interesting when we were confronting people about the newly discovered information about the lie and theft. The consistent reason given for “why” was that they didn’t want to “snitch.” Somehow, in their minds it was more important to not be a snitch than it was to be honest and not steal from the company. The trust they felt more loyal to was that of their peers, who would stab them in the back in a heartbeat, over their employer who demonstrates grace upon grace with them. The thinking is mind-boggling.
As we talked about it, we came up with this analogy: they would rather choose a momentary reduction of pain which results in long-term negative over momentary pain and long-term positive. They were so focused on the moment that there was no consideration for the future.
The whole thing just makes me want to go home and make a batch of chocolate chip cookies and devour the batter before it ever leaves the bowl…but know the long-term consequences of that, I think I’ll grab a bottle of water instead.
Monday, May 14, 2007
What I'm holding on to...
On Sunday night I wrote: Feeling Foolish
It's been a rough weekend for me. It appears that my entire crew decided to decieve me. They all signed in, or had someone sign in for them, saying they worked from 6AM until 2:30PM on Saturday. The problem is that Nelson called me from work at 6:22AM to tell me the air compressor wasn't working. The tow motor wasn't picked up until 7:15AM and one guy signed in at 7, but it was crossed out and 6 was written in instead: in someone else's handwriting. I called one of the guys who worked. He was helping us out. He was hired by the factory last month. I trusted him. I wanted...want to believe he wouldn't lie to me. He says everyone was there at 6 and working.
I called Dan when I started trying to put the pieces together. I was livid. I wanted...want to fire them all. I want to report them all to their probation officers for lying, falsifying records, and stealing from the company. The problem is I can't prove anything. I'm just sick. I have to go in tomorrow morning with a plan. Firing them all is probably not the way to go. Neither is going off half-cocked.
It's Sunday night.I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll go in with no plan and play it by ear. This is probably the worst time for me: I don't want to be me. I don't want to work with these people. I HATE being lied to. I HATE thinking I've been lied to. I HATE looking and feeling this foolish.
I wonder if I could get a job at McDonalds? (Don't worry...I'm not going to quit my job...I"m just ranting a bit tonight so that maybe I'll have a little control tomorrow.)
On Monday I wrote:
I confronted the work crew. I was, of course, completed mistaken. I was, of course, totally in the wrong. Well, except they did sort of own that they didn’t meander into the work place until nearly a quarter past 6. They are not going to be happy with me. I decided that they are not getting paid until 6:30. And if they have a problem with that, I guess they’ll have to figure out what they want to do about it.
Mothers Day was nice. Nelson took me out for dinner at a marvelous restaurant here in town. We ranked the meal up there in our top five of all time eating out experiences. Beth got me a very sweet arrangement of gerbera daisies. Ann called. I spent the day trying to figure out why Asher is all out of sorts. I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be teeth coming in, but I’m not sticking my finger in there to find out. And also, he is learning words. He jabbers non-stop. He thinks he’s saying something and if you don’t get it, he gets extremely frustrated with you. If he spots his jacket, that means he wants to go somewhere NOW! If he brings you his shoes, he wants to go outside---and now is not soon enough and he doesn’t care what time of the day it is or what the temperature is or how tired you might be!
But yesterday he said “mema” twice so it doesn’t matter how fussy he was!
Right now I’m on the phone trying to fix a mess up in an order. It came to the office building and that address is nowhere on the purchase order. I ordered eight rolls of labels and they sent 8 boxes with 4 rolls each. And I ordered ribbons and none of those came. (Picture me shaking my head.) I just got off the phone. They’re still researching the problem. They will get back to me. Meanwhile, I have enough white labels to print on until Jesus comes back—but I won’t be able to because I don’t have the necessary ribbon for the printer. (Insert me, rolling my eyes.)
When I met with the crew this morning, I started off by reading scripture—it was, after all, our devotion time. I read Romans 12:6-18:
6 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. 7 If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. 8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.
9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[e] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[f] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
I started my confrontation by saying that I am not like Dan (my boss). He tends to work from a position of non-trust. I work from a position of trust—and this is sometimes to my detriment.
I don’t want to become the kind of person who operates out of distrust or no trust. What ever became of honor? There doesn’t seem to be much loyalty going around either. And that which would present itself most commonly as honor, or loyalty, or trustworthiness, is merely a masquerade for something much more self-serving.
I wear a bracelet that I got when Nelson were on our anniversary weekend getaway. It is inscribed with verses from 1 Corinthians 13: Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
That’s what I chose to hold on to…it’s what’s holding on to me.
It's been a rough weekend for me. It appears that my entire crew decided to decieve me. They all signed in, or had someone sign in for them, saying they worked from 6AM until 2:30PM on Saturday. The problem is that Nelson called me from work at 6:22AM to tell me the air compressor wasn't working. The tow motor wasn't picked up until 7:15AM and one guy signed in at 7, but it was crossed out and 6 was written in instead: in someone else's handwriting. I called one of the guys who worked. He was helping us out. He was hired by the factory last month. I trusted him. I wanted...want to believe he wouldn't lie to me. He says everyone was there at 6 and working.
I called Dan when I started trying to put the pieces together. I was livid. I wanted...want to fire them all. I want to report them all to their probation officers for lying, falsifying records, and stealing from the company. The problem is I can't prove anything. I'm just sick. I have to go in tomorrow morning with a plan. Firing them all is probably not the way to go. Neither is going off half-cocked.
It's Sunday night.I don't know what to do. Maybe I'll go in with no plan and play it by ear. This is probably the worst time for me: I don't want to be me. I don't want to work with these people. I HATE being lied to. I HATE thinking I've been lied to. I HATE looking and feeling this foolish.
I wonder if I could get a job at McDonalds? (Don't worry...I'm not going to quit my job...I"m just ranting a bit tonight so that maybe I'll have a little control tomorrow.)
On Monday I wrote:
I confronted the work crew. I was, of course, completed mistaken. I was, of course, totally in the wrong. Well, except they did sort of own that they didn’t meander into the work place until nearly a quarter past 6. They are not going to be happy with me. I decided that they are not getting paid until 6:30. And if they have a problem with that, I guess they’ll have to figure out what they want to do about it.
Mothers Day was nice. Nelson took me out for dinner at a marvelous restaurant here in town. We ranked the meal up there in our top five of all time eating out experiences. Beth got me a very sweet arrangement of gerbera daisies. Ann called. I spent the day trying to figure out why Asher is all out of sorts. I’ve come to the conclusion that there must be teeth coming in, but I’m not sticking my finger in there to find out. And also, he is learning words. He jabbers non-stop. He thinks he’s saying something and if you don’t get it, he gets extremely frustrated with you. If he spots his jacket, that means he wants to go somewhere NOW! If he brings you his shoes, he wants to go outside---and now is not soon enough and he doesn’t care what time of the day it is or what the temperature is or how tired you might be!
But yesterday he said “mema” twice so it doesn’t matter how fussy he was!
Right now I’m on the phone trying to fix a mess up in an order. It came to the office building and that address is nowhere on the purchase order. I ordered eight rolls of labels and they sent 8 boxes with 4 rolls each. And I ordered ribbons and none of those came. (Picture me shaking my head.) I just got off the phone. They’re still researching the problem. They will get back to me. Meanwhile, I have enough white labels to print on until Jesus comes back—but I won’t be able to because I don’t have the necessary ribbon for the printer. (Insert me, rolling my eyes.)
When I met with the crew this morning, I started off by reading scripture—it was, after all, our devotion time. I read Romans 12:6-18:
6 In his grace, God has given us different gifts for doing certain things well. So if God has given you the ability to prophesy, speak out with as much faith as God has given you. 7 If your gift is serving others, serve them well. If you are a teacher, teach well. 8 If your gift is to encourage others, be encouraging. If it is giving, give generously. If God has given you leadership ability, take the responsibility seriously. And if you have a gift for showing kindness to others, do it gladly.
9 Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good. 10 Love each other with genuine affection,[e] and take delight in honoring each other. 11 Never be lazy, but work hard and serve the Lord enthusiastically.[f] 12 Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying. 13 When God’s people are in need, be ready to help them. Always be eager to practice hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you. Don’t curse them; pray that God will bless them. 15 Be happy with those who are happy, and weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with each other. Don’t be too proud to enjoy the company of ordinary people. And don’t think you know it all!
17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.
I started my confrontation by saying that I am not like Dan (my boss). He tends to work from a position of non-trust. I work from a position of trust—and this is sometimes to my detriment.
I don’t want to become the kind of person who operates out of distrust or no trust. What ever became of honor? There doesn’t seem to be much loyalty going around either. And that which would present itself most commonly as honor, or loyalty, or trustworthiness, is merely a masquerade for something much more self-serving.
I wear a bracelet that I got when Nelson were on our anniversary weekend getaway. It is inscribed with verses from 1 Corinthians 13: Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
That’s what I chose to hold on to…it’s what’s holding on to me.
Friday, May 04, 2007
TGIF or TTFN
It’s Friday. And right now I have about 40 things I should be doing. Ok, maybe half that many—but I shouldn’t be writing this. Funny, I typically can find scads of things to keep me from writing anything of importance, but I then choose to resort to writing to avoid doing what I should…oh the irony of it all!
This has been a rich week. I taught our WINGS class in E County. It was a lot of fun. The participants were getting it. They were putting things together left and right. I love that. Some groups never quite get what we are offering them and it’s an agonizing time trying to teach. It’s as if my words hit the wall they have up and just slide off. (Sigh) Fortunately, that was not the case this week. I was so energized yesterday that I had to remind myself to keep an eye on the clock so we didn’t run over.
One of the coolest things that someone said as they were leaving the class was: You sure keep things interesting. In my opinion, there is nothing worse (in the field of information transmission) than poorly presented material. You can be brilliant but not be able to disseminate information through the means of public speaking—then write and have a good editor! Teachers or preachers, who are boring, lack any interest in being interesting, need to find another profession.
I have realized over the years that I have a scoonch of ADD. As a result, I get bored easily, and that’s probably a gross understatement. I determined that I would never be a boring teacher or preacher. So far, I think I’m living up to that goal.
So from the great to the painfully good: Annie and the kids are moving home tomorrow. I know it’s the right thing. I know it’s a good thing. I know that it’s best for the kids. I know that there will be difficult days that we will walk through with them in the future. I’m not sad about them moving home. I’m just aching because they’re leaving—again.
I love coming home from work and being greeted by Penelope’s exuberant: Mema’s home!!! I will miss that more than I know how to even begin to put into words.
I will not miss Destructo Boy—but I’m going to miss the cherub grin and willing kisses from Caden.
I won’t miss the unneeded baked goods that Annie makes when she gets stressed, but I will miss our talks and time together. She truly has become a friend. Can you ask more from your daughter?
Oh, great…now I’m at work…should be working…and instead I’m all teary and sniffy. Better quit this for now and try and look productive. TTFN.
This has been a rich week. I taught our WINGS class in E County. It was a lot of fun. The participants were getting it. They were putting things together left and right. I love that. Some groups never quite get what we are offering them and it’s an agonizing time trying to teach. It’s as if my words hit the wall they have up and just slide off. (Sigh) Fortunately, that was not the case this week. I was so energized yesterday that I had to remind myself to keep an eye on the clock so we didn’t run over.
One of the coolest things that someone said as they were leaving the class was: You sure keep things interesting. In my opinion, there is nothing worse (in the field of information transmission) than poorly presented material. You can be brilliant but not be able to disseminate information through the means of public speaking—then write and have a good editor! Teachers or preachers, who are boring, lack any interest in being interesting, need to find another profession.
I have realized over the years that I have a scoonch of ADD. As a result, I get bored easily, and that’s probably a gross understatement. I determined that I would never be a boring teacher or preacher. So far, I think I’m living up to that goal.
So from the great to the painfully good: Annie and the kids are moving home tomorrow. I know it’s the right thing. I know it’s a good thing. I know that it’s best for the kids. I know that there will be difficult days that we will walk through with them in the future. I’m not sad about them moving home. I’m just aching because they’re leaving—again.
I love coming home from work and being greeted by Penelope’s exuberant: Mema’s home!!! I will miss that more than I know how to even begin to put into words.
I will not miss Destructo Boy—but I’m going to miss the cherub grin and willing kisses from Caden.
I won’t miss the unneeded baked goods that Annie makes when she gets stressed, but I will miss our talks and time together. She truly has become a friend. Can you ask more from your daughter?
Oh, great…now I’m at work…should be working…and instead I’m all teary and sniffy. Better quit this for now and try and look productive. TTFN.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Heaven Too
The seminar went well. Seven counties were represented in the audience. We used power point. It was the first time I ever did that. I wish we had some sort of traveling clicker so that we didn't have to stand at the podium with the computer and use the mouse. I'll get better. I told Dan that I need to take like a three day retreat to just go and play...I mean learn how to create my own power point.
I was really drained when the seminar was over. I spent the first half presenting with my coworkers. In the second half, I was part of the panel that was comprised of "graduates" of the program. We presented our perspective alongside Mr. R who spoke from the perspective of a business owner who had been willing to work with felons. The second part was more difficult: owning my own ex-offender status. It went well. We received many positive comments on our evaluation forms. One of the counties represented asked us to come and make the same presentation to their Job and Family Service people.
Today I wrote the following devotional for our church's web devotional journal:
Transformational Journal Devotions: 1 Peter 1:3-9
Monday: vs. 3-4
In one of the churches where I served as an associate, the pastor’s wife often used a phrase that reminds me of this passage. When life got sticky or icky she could be heard reminding herself: "all this and heaven, too!" Occasionally there was a note of sarcasm in her voice, but we all knew that she said it to remind herself that whatever she was facing was not the end, as a believer, she had her heart set on heaven. It makes me sad that there seems to a languishing hunger for heaven. We live in such an instant age. People don’t save like they used to. It’s all about living in the now. It’s pretty well summed up in a bumper sticker I saw not long ago: I’m spending my children’s inheritance. As Christ followers, our priceless inheritance is kept for us in heaven "beyond the reach of change or decay." And like my pastor’s wife, I’m looking forward to the day when I receive that treasure. It’s so much more than this world around us—there really is heaven, too!
Prompts:
-Have you been living for an earthly or heavenly inheritance?
-Write about your understanding or feelings toward heaven.
-Write a prayer asking God to give you His understanding of heaven
Tonight I got a phone call from a family friend. The pastor's wife I mentioned in the devotional died Wednesday morning. She now has her "heaven, too!"
Then just a few minutes ago I got a call on my cell. Odd for this time on a Friday. I knew that one of the guys in our Ntown work program didn't work today, but I didn't know why until I got the call. It was from his sister. She had taken him to the ER last night. He has pnuemonia and they found a mass in his lung. They also think that his leukemia has returned.
I'm feeling somewhere between sad and numb. I've just been on the edge of tears since I got done with the seminar. Perhaps a good cup of tea is in order.
I was really drained when the seminar was over. I spent the first half presenting with my coworkers. In the second half, I was part of the panel that was comprised of "graduates" of the program. We presented our perspective alongside Mr. R who spoke from the perspective of a business owner who had been willing to work with felons. The second part was more difficult: owning my own ex-offender status. It went well. We received many positive comments on our evaluation forms. One of the counties represented asked us to come and make the same presentation to their Job and Family Service people.
Today I wrote the following devotional for our church's web devotional journal:
Transformational Journal Devotions: 1 Peter 1:3-9
Monday: vs. 3-4
In one of the churches where I served as an associate, the pastor’s wife often used a phrase that reminds me of this passage. When life got sticky or icky she could be heard reminding herself: "all this and heaven, too!" Occasionally there was a note of sarcasm in her voice, but we all knew that she said it to remind herself that whatever she was facing was not the end, as a believer, she had her heart set on heaven. It makes me sad that there seems to a languishing hunger for heaven. We live in such an instant age. People don’t save like they used to. It’s all about living in the now. It’s pretty well summed up in a bumper sticker I saw not long ago: I’m spending my children’s inheritance. As Christ followers, our priceless inheritance is kept for us in heaven "beyond the reach of change or decay." And like my pastor’s wife, I’m looking forward to the day when I receive that treasure. It’s so much more than this world around us—there really is heaven, too!
Prompts:
-Have you been living for an earthly or heavenly inheritance?
-Write about your understanding or feelings toward heaven.
-Write a prayer asking God to give you His understanding of heaven
Tonight I got a phone call from a family friend. The pastor's wife I mentioned in the devotional died Wednesday morning. She now has her "heaven, too!"
Then just a few minutes ago I got a call on my cell. Odd for this time on a Friday. I knew that one of the guys in our Ntown work program didn't work today, but I didn't know why until I got the call. It was from his sister. She had taken him to the ER last night. He has pnuemonia and they found a mass in his lung. They also think that his leukemia has returned.
I'm feeling somewhere between sad and numb. I've just been on the edge of tears since I got done with the seminar. Perhaps a good cup of tea is in order.
Driving Thoughts
I was thinking while I was driving yesterday. I like driving for that very reason. I like getting with my thoughts. It’s a good time to pray and sing and think.
Tomorrow is our big seminar: Breaking the Barriers. You can find info about it on web page (www.transformationnetwork.org). I just clicked over to check it out. I had to smile at the pics of me. In 7 to 10 business days, I’m going to look a bit different. Today I had an appointment to get my eyes checked. I need stronger glasses. I picked out new frames.
There was a health fair going on at the medical building. In the vision center they were have a “trunk sale.” They had two reps there displaying their wares. I tried on one of the pairs. They’re burgundy in color with a little “bling” on the ear pieces. They’re also different shaped. The lenses on the new glasses are smaller and more oval shaped. I really like them and the staff all thought they made look younger. I think they were interested because they wanted to make a sale. They decided my current glasses make me look older and something about a droop. I bought it…and them!
While I was driving I was thinking about my work. Somehow while also thinking about the seminar, my mind drifted to what I would say if I could go back and talk to the agency I had worked at. The kids we worked with there were always in trouble with the law. It wasn’t hard to imagine many of them ending up in my current workplace: unemployed due to felony convictions, needing help changing their minds and behaviors so that they could become contributing members of society. So, what would I say to that other agency? Fix them now!
I know it’s not that easy. And in some cases I don’t if it is possible. As I work with this portion of the population, I am truly beginning to understand generational strongholds. I talk with participants both here at the home base and in the outlying counties who describe how their parents and grandparents have had troubles with the law. Now, this isn’t true for everyone, but the percentage is high enough that it warrants attention.
We were having a meeting with a potential participant. Her pastor had brought her to meet with us. One comment that he made really stood out to me. In a very encouraging tone, he told her that he thought she had the best chance in her family to break the cycle of addiction. His words appear to have fallen way short of their mark. It’s been a week and she hasn’t been back.
Where does resiliency come from? Why is it some people can face adversities and atrocities beyond description and come out on top—land on their feet, while others are left with only bitterness and brokenness?
These are the question I live with daily….more later.
Tomorrow is our big seminar: Breaking the Barriers. You can find info about it on web page (www.transformationnetwork.org). I just clicked over to check it out. I had to smile at the pics of me. In 7 to 10 business days, I’m going to look a bit different. Today I had an appointment to get my eyes checked. I need stronger glasses. I picked out new frames.
There was a health fair going on at the medical building. In the vision center they were have a “trunk sale.” They had two reps there displaying their wares. I tried on one of the pairs. They’re burgundy in color with a little “bling” on the ear pieces. They’re also different shaped. The lenses on the new glasses are smaller and more oval shaped. I really like them and the staff all thought they made look younger. I think they were interested because they wanted to make a sale. They decided my current glasses make me look older and something about a droop. I bought it…and them!
While I was driving I was thinking about my work. Somehow while also thinking about the seminar, my mind drifted to what I would say if I could go back and talk to the agency I had worked at. The kids we worked with there were always in trouble with the law. It wasn’t hard to imagine many of them ending up in my current workplace: unemployed due to felony convictions, needing help changing their minds and behaviors so that they could become contributing members of society. So, what would I say to that other agency? Fix them now!
I know it’s not that easy. And in some cases I don’t if it is possible. As I work with this portion of the population, I am truly beginning to understand generational strongholds. I talk with participants both here at the home base and in the outlying counties who describe how their parents and grandparents have had troubles with the law. Now, this isn’t true for everyone, but the percentage is high enough that it warrants attention.
We were having a meeting with a potential participant. Her pastor had brought her to meet with us. One comment that he made really stood out to me. In a very encouraging tone, he told her that he thought she had the best chance in her family to break the cycle of addiction. His words appear to have fallen way short of their mark. It’s been a week and she hasn’t been back.
Where does resiliency come from? Why is it some people can face adversities and atrocities beyond description and come out on top—land on their feet, while others are left with only bitterness and brokenness?
These are the question I live with daily….more later.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Where did the week go?
It’s Wednesday morning. I can’t believe I haven’t posted for a week. Yes, I can. (Imagine me sighing and my shoulders drooping a bit.)
It’s been a long week. I worked in the factory every day but Wednesday last week. I didn’t do much manual labor—I spent my time catching up on paperwork. Cleaning up messes. Putting out relational fires.
Then on the weekend, when I might have caught a breather: Nelson and Asher get sick. Nelson went to bed at 5:30 on Saturday evening and slept through until nearly 3:00 on Sunday. He went to work on Monday, but didn’t start feeling human until yesterday. Asher, we found out yesterday when he went to get his next round of shots, has the roto virus. He was puking and having soupy poops all weekend. One exploded out his diaper, down my leg, plopped on my foot, and sprayed the walls around us. (Graphic enough picture? I’m tired of suffering alone. Lol)
To add to my exhaustion, I’m working every night this week at Curves. Then on Friday we are hosting a seminar about the reentry ministry we offer in the three counties we work in to the fifteen counties in our parole region. Oh, and wait! One of those three counties is auditing my files today. Oh and add to that, the parent company we have our packaging program with is going on a shut down so all the work had to be packaged or sent back to them and now my workers are facing several days of no work. And, we still haggling to be able to rent the new space so that the move is hanging over my head.
I didn’t want to get out of bed today. It’s my travel day. And it’s supposed to rain all day. Did I mention that I’m under a little stress and a rainy day would be perfect for staying in my jimmies, sipping tea, and being totally irresponsible.
I just don’t know how to do that. (Insert another deep sigh) I need to change my focus. Something positive and fun?
I got my Palm TX! It’s quite cool and I’m starting to figure it out. I’m frustrated because I can’t figure out how to get the status bar back at the bottom. It’s there just not showing. The keyboard that came with it is great. It has Bluetooth and WiFi capabilities. And I’ve already loaded scrabble on to it! Now, there’s a stress reliever!
Ann and Travis have worked things to the point where they want to have her and the kids move home. She gave us her two week notice. I’m going to miss her and the kids, but I so know that this is for the best. They’ll keep working and we’ll keep praying.
Beth and Ron are talking about eloping. I’m still getting used to the idea. They’ve mentioned several places, but have talked wanting to be married on the beach somewhere, possibly in Florida or San Diego. We’ll see as it all unfolds.
Nelson and I are back on track with our eating. Poor choices (aka Easter candy and other extremely high carb junk) and lack of portion control had crept back into our habits. We’re back to writing everything down and keeping totals. I’ve also stepped up my workout at Curves. I was excited this morning that I was able to fit into two skirts that had been tight just last week! I want to lose at least 15 pounds before I go to Mom’s in June.
Well, it’s now time to walk out the door. Ah, for the final blessing: there are a scazillion lilac buds on my bush! And that reminds me that God is still in control—and no matter what comes my way, if I keep hold of that: I can face anything!
It’s been a long week. I worked in the factory every day but Wednesday last week. I didn’t do much manual labor—I spent my time catching up on paperwork. Cleaning up messes. Putting out relational fires.
Then on the weekend, when I might have caught a breather: Nelson and Asher get sick. Nelson went to bed at 5:30 on Saturday evening and slept through until nearly 3:00 on Sunday. He went to work on Monday, but didn’t start feeling human until yesterday. Asher, we found out yesterday when he went to get his next round of shots, has the roto virus. He was puking and having soupy poops all weekend. One exploded out his diaper, down my leg, plopped on my foot, and sprayed the walls around us. (Graphic enough picture? I’m tired of suffering alone. Lol)
To add to my exhaustion, I’m working every night this week at Curves. Then on Friday we are hosting a seminar about the reentry ministry we offer in the three counties we work in to the fifteen counties in our parole region. Oh, and wait! One of those three counties is auditing my files today. Oh and add to that, the parent company we have our packaging program with is going on a shut down so all the work had to be packaged or sent back to them and now my workers are facing several days of no work. And, we still haggling to be able to rent the new space so that the move is hanging over my head.
I didn’t want to get out of bed today. It’s my travel day. And it’s supposed to rain all day. Did I mention that I’m under a little stress and a rainy day would be perfect for staying in my jimmies, sipping tea, and being totally irresponsible.
I just don’t know how to do that. (Insert another deep sigh) I need to change my focus. Something positive and fun?
I got my Palm TX! It’s quite cool and I’m starting to figure it out. I’m frustrated because I can’t figure out how to get the status bar back at the bottom. It’s there just not showing. The keyboard that came with it is great. It has Bluetooth and WiFi capabilities. And I’ve already loaded scrabble on to it! Now, there’s a stress reliever!
Ann and Travis have worked things to the point where they want to have her and the kids move home. She gave us her two week notice. I’m going to miss her and the kids, but I so know that this is for the best. They’ll keep working and we’ll keep praying.
Beth and Ron are talking about eloping. I’m still getting used to the idea. They’ve mentioned several places, but have talked wanting to be married on the beach somewhere, possibly in Florida or San Diego. We’ll see as it all unfolds.
Nelson and I are back on track with our eating. Poor choices (aka Easter candy and other extremely high carb junk) and lack of portion control had crept back into our habits. We’re back to writing everything down and keeping totals. I’ve also stepped up my workout at Curves. I was excited this morning that I was able to fit into two skirts that had been tight just last week! I want to lose at least 15 pounds before I go to Mom’s in June.
Well, it’s now time to walk out the door. Ah, for the final blessing: there are a scazillion lilac buds on my bush! And that reminds me that God is still in control—and no matter what comes my way, if I keep hold of that: I can face anything!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
Nothing profound
Here's how my week went...
It's April 14th. And I don't want to look out the window. It''s snowing and sticking. Sigh. I'm really afraid that there will be no lilacs this spring...I'm not even sure if there'll be a spring...double sigh. The leaves that had sprouted on the lilac have turned black from the cold. The forcast doesn't look very good for most of the week either. Guess I'll just go buy a lilac candle and dream.
It was a very busy week. On Monday I worked half day at the factory--in the morning. I wore my flashing 50 button. Nelson and the girls conspired to put one of those birthday ads in the paper. So there at the bottom of the first page of the classifieds was a picture of me from my first Christmas. I'm hairless but quite adorable. I think everyone in town saw it. It's okay. The surprise and all it took to pull it off just makes me know I'm loved and makes me know how much I love this incredible crew of mine!
Tuesday and Thursday I taught our WINGS class in Ntown. There were only 4 participants--should/could have been about 15. It was a good class. This time we switched from 9-3 to 9-4. It's amazing how much longer the day seemed even though it was only one hour longer. Wednesday I did my regular thing of meeting with participants for follow-up or orientation in Ntown and Stown. Come Friday, my throat was sore from all the speaking and my feet hurt from wearing heels. But it was a good kind of tired that I don't want to trade! (Insert contented smile!)
Today, Annie and I went shopping after we worked out at Curves. We started with lunch at O'Charleys. I had never eaten there. We decided to have a bowl of soup and split a salad. It was a very good idea. The soup was quite yummy--we each got a different kind and tasted each others. I got the loaded potato and she got the chicken tortilla. Good stuff. We both were happy with the split salad, especially when as we were about to leave the lady at a nearby table had a whole salad delivered to her. It was mamoth!!!! We were laughing about it all the way out of the restaurant!
Then we went and spent some of my birthday gift cards. We stopped first at Barnes and Nobels where I got two books. Then it was over to the mall where I actually bought jammies and underwear at Victoria Secret. The jammy pants are so incredibly soft. When we were done there it was right off to Bath and Body where after some careful deliberation I spent my card on two flavors of shower gel (wild cherry blossom and perfect peach) and a couple of purse size hand creams (sweet pea and lime coconut). My nose is still recovering from all the sniffing and sampling!
Our final stop was at a local coffee house where we indulged in a couple of frothy coffees. Mmmm! Nelson is off doing the grocery shopping. And Asher just woke from his nap. Guess I'm all done writing for now!
I'll write more later about the books...on is called "The Velveteen Principles" and the other is something like "The 5 Things You Can't Change in Life." It's about accepting the things we can't change and chosing to learn to live with them rather than against them. I'll get the exact title and premise/description later.
TTFN
It's April 14th. And I don't want to look out the window. It''s snowing and sticking. Sigh. I'm really afraid that there will be no lilacs this spring...I'm not even sure if there'll be a spring...double sigh. The leaves that had sprouted on the lilac have turned black from the cold. The forcast doesn't look very good for most of the week either. Guess I'll just go buy a lilac candle and dream.
It was a very busy week. On Monday I worked half day at the factory--in the morning. I wore my flashing 50 button. Nelson and the girls conspired to put one of those birthday ads in the paper. So there at the bottom of the first page of the classifieds was a picture of me from my first Christmas. I'm hairless but quite adorable. I think everyone in town saw it. It's okay. The surprise and all it took to pull it off just makes me know I'm loved and makes me know how much I love this incredible crew of mine!
Tuesday and Thursday I taught our WINGS class in Ntown. There were only 4 participants--should/could have been about 15. It was a good class. This time we switched from 9-3 to 9-4. It's amazing how much longer the day seemed even though it was only one hour longer. Wednesday I did my regular thing of meeting with participants for follow-up or orientation in Ntown and Stown. Come Friday, my throat was sore from all the speaking and my feet hurt from wearing heels. But it was a good kind of tired that I don't want to trade! (Insert contented smile!)
Today, Annie and I went shopping after we worked out at Curves. We started with lunch at O'Charleys. I had never eaten there. We decided to have a bowl of soup and split a salad. It was a very good idea. The soup was quite yummy--we each got a different kind and tasted each others. I got the loaded potato and she got the chicken tortilla. Good stuff. We both were happy with the split salad, especially when as we were about to leave the lady at a nearby table had a whole salad delivered to her. It was mamoth!!!! We were laughing about it all the way out of the restaurant!
Then we went and spent some of my birthday gift cards. We stopped first at Barnes and Nobels where I got two books. Then it was over to the mall where I actually bought jammies and underwear at Victoria Secret. The jammy pants are so incredibly soft. When we were done there it was right off to Bath and Body where after some careful deliberation I spent my card on two flavors of shower gel (wild cherry blossom and perfect peach) and a couple of purse size hand creams (sweet pea and lime coconut). My nose is still recovering from all the sniffing and sampling!
Our final stop was at a local coffee house where we indulged in a couple of frothy coffees. Mmmm! Nelson is off doing the grocery shopping. And Asher just woke from his nap. Guess I'm all done writing for now!
I'll write more later about the books...on is called "The Velveteen Principles" and the other is something like "The 5 Things You Can't Change in Life." It's about accepting the things we can't change and chosing to learn to live with them rather than against them. I'll get the exact title and premise/description later.
TTFN
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Party Central
I’ve had a wonderful day.
This morning I worked at Curves. Ann came in and worked out at the end of the day and then helped me clean so that I could get out of there since Nelson was taking me out for lunch for my birthday in Mtown. He had said something about going to Ruby Tuesday’s, but on the way I suggested Chipotle instead, which was fine by him!
We got to Chipotle and ordered our food. The meat that Nelson wanted for his burrito was still cooking and we waited quite a bit. When we went to pay, they told us our meal was comped! That’s the second time we’ve eaten there and the second time that our meal was free. I really like that place.
Then we went to Barnes and Nobles for a yummy coffee, a cookie and some brief browsing. We then went to Toys R Us. We were looking for a swing set for the grandbabies. The one we wanted was of course out of stock. We waited at the register for quite a while. Then the manager came and told us that they had one of last year’s models in a bunged up box that he would be willing to give us for $100—a $30 discount. Sold! We then went a couple places looking for Palm TX. They had one at Best Buy, but we decided to try and get it for less on Ebay.
When we got home, we came in the back door—nothing different about that. I noticed that there was a lot of food out in the kitchen, but didn’t think anything about it until I spied my dearest friend’s face looking back at me from the living room.
My family had worked together to create a wonderful birthday party surprise for me! It was Beth’s idea and she and Ann worked amazingly to make such a special time for me! Friends from Urbana (Karen and Joe) drove up with their three youngest kids. My sis was there with her two boys. My boss and co-workers were there from the T-Net. My manager and the club owner were there from Curves. My in-laws even showed up. Ann and Travis and Beth and Ron and all the grandbabies. We ran out of chairs!
I had asked for strawberry shortcake and there was an abundance. There was also some of Sis’ fruit and fruit dip. It was wonderful. The girls had decorated the place and there was a huge balloon that sang happy birthday (to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus) when you tap it.
While I was enjoying visiting with all our guests the phone rang several times. Nelson had arranged for several friends to call through the course of the party. My friend Laurie called from West Liberty. My mom called and sang happy birthday. My SIL called. Rhonda called—she was unable to attend because she’s been feeling sick.
Two calls were especially sweet to receive. Nelson contacted a very dear friend who I had lost contact with. He actually paid for one of those online services to hunt her down. It was so neat to talk to her. Then a friend and his wife called and sang happy birthday. I didn’t recognize the voice at first, but when I did—well, it was just quite a blessing.
I received several humorous cards—hip, hip, hip replacement! I also got several gift cards (I love Barnes and Nobles). I also got a console table for the entry way! I’m sure there will be more surprises and each one will make me smile even more.
And just think my birthday isn’t until Monday!!!
This morning I worked at Curves. Ann came in and worked out at the end of the day and then helped me clean so that I could get out of there since Nelson was taking me out for lunch for my birthday in Mtown. He had said something about going to Ruby Tuesday’s, but on the way I suggested Chipotle instead, which was fine by him!
We got to Chipotle and ordered our food. The meat that Nelson wanted for his burrito was still cooking and we waited quite a bit. When we went to pay, they told us our meal was comped! That’s the second time we’ve eaten there and the second time that our meal was free. I really like that place.
Then we went to Barnes and Nobles for a yummy coffee, a cookie and some brief browsing. We then went to Toys R Us. We were looking for a swing set for the grandbabies. The one we wanted was of course out of stock. We waited at the register for quite a while. Then the manager came and told us that they had one of last year’s models in a bunged up box that he would be willing to give us for $100—a $30 discount. Sold! We then went a couple places looking for Palm TX. They had one at Best Buy, but we decided to try and get it for less on Ebay.
When we got home, we came in the back door—nothing different about that. I noticed that there was a lot of food out in the kitchen, but didn’t think anything about it until I spied my dearest friend’s face looking back at me from the living room.
My family had worked together to create a wonderful birthday party surprise for me! It was Beth’s idea and she and Ann worked amazingly to make such a special time for me! Friends from Urbana (Karen and Joe) drove up with their three youngest kids. My sis was there with her two boys. My boss and co-workers were there from the T-Net. My manager and the club owner were there from Curves. My in-laws even showed up. Ann and Travis and Beth and Ron and all the grandbabies. We ran out of chairs!
I had asked for strawberry shortcake and there was an abundance. There was also some of Sis’ fruit and fruit dip. It was wonderful. The girls had decorated the place and there was a huge balloon that sang happy birthday (to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus) when you tap it.
While I was enjoying visiting with all our guests the phone rang several times. Nelson had arranged for several friends to call through the course of the party. My friend Laurie called from West Liberty. My mom called and sang happy birthday. My SIL called. Rhonda called—she was unable to attend because she’s been feeling sick.
Two calls were especially sweet to receive. Nelson contacted a very dear friend who I had lost contact with. He actually paid for one of those online services to hunt her down. It was so neat to talk to her. Then a friend and his wife called and sang happy birthday. I didn’t recognize the voice at first, but when I did—well, it was just quite a blessing.
I received several humorous cards—hip, hip, hip replacement! I also got several gift cards (I love Barnes and Nobles). I also got a console table for the entry way! I’m sure there will be more surprises and each one will make me smile even more.
And just think my birthday isn’t until Monday!!!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Clean
Scrubbed floors and scum free bathroom.
I hate to clean--but I like things clean. And I like the clean smell when I'm all done.
While I was on my knees wiping up baby spills, I began to think...Isn't amazing how God can get your attention then?
There are other things that I hate the work or process of, but absolutely love and want the results: study, exercised, diet, and work.
All through my Christian walk I have been captivated by the verses that instruct the believer to make every effort. It really is all about the process, about the journey. End results, those things we work for (like paychecks) aren't really the end. They're just the step to the next step.
So I'll keep on walking, and cleaning (guess that means I should grouse so with each mess) because I know it's all moving me that much closer to the real end--Heaven. I wonder if anyone cleans the bathroom there?
I hate to clean--but I like things clean. And I like the clean smell when I'm all done.
While I was on my knees wiping up baby spills, I began to think...Isn't amazing how God can get your attention then?
There are other things that I hate the work or process of, but absolutely love and want the results: study, exercised, diet, and work.
All through my Christian walk I have been captivated by the verses that instruct the believer to make every effort. It really is all about the process, about the journey. End results, those things we work for (like paychecks) aren't really the end. They're just the step to the next step.
So I'll keep on walking, and cleaning (guess that means I should grouse so with each mess) because I know it's all moving me that much closer to the real end--Heaven. I wonder if anyone cleans the bathroom there?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Time for New Growth
I did not quit my job.
I did finally get to meet with my boss today. It went ok.
I need to work on rebuilding his trust in me. One of the ways I've been doing that in the past couple days is cc every email/correspondance to him so he knows exactly how I'm operating. I already keep a detailed phone log and time sheet breaking out my time spent on each contract. In our meeting he said I needed to walk that difficult line for rebuilding trust without innundating him with information he doesn't need. I'll have to work on that.
We also talked about how I tend to get defensive in meetings when my work is being questioned. I know that I tend to take things way too personally and I need to work on this issue so that my co-workers don't have to fear my "mood" when they need to confront me.
Guess I just need to revisit and fine tune all my issues. Sigh.
I
t's quite beautiful out today...and just now I looked out the offict window (which is on the second floor of the house) and I spied flowers (magnolias, I think) on the neighbor's tree just across the ally from me. I just love spring!
Tonight I'm reveling in some quiet. Ann, Penelope, and Caden are back home for a visit. Beth is working. And Nelson is out grocery gathering. Asher is down for a nap. Until he wakes up, I'm just going to stroll through some blogs/diaries, or maybe play some scrabble. It's just such a sweet sort of silence.
I wrote the following for a prayer blog I'm a part of:
Tuesday night I was in the yard with the grandbabies. A bird flew into the top of the big old tree. Penelope (cutest 3 yr old on the planet) stood at the base of the tree and jumped (a flat-footed 3 yr old kind of jump)--several times. Finally she looked over at me, where I was desperately trying not to laugh at her efforts, and she said, "I guess I'm not big enough, Mema."
Then it was as if a lightbulb went off, and she ran for the house. Moments later she emerged with her little step. She set it at the base of the tree, climbed aboard, and proceeded to try jumping again. Her face quickly displayed her frustration. Until another bulb lit up: You help me, Mema?
And I could help but picture myself jumping awkwardly at life's issues--trying to tackle problems not meant to be tackled. It reminded me of Peter trying to walk on the water. Jesus didn't invite Peter. It was Peter who asked to try something he wasn't created for. Jesus allowed it and scooped him up--lovingly...knowingly.
God grant me clearer vision of what my tasks are for this day. Help me not to waste energy jumping after things that you don't need me to do. Grant us each that assurance of your love. And we will be thankful.
I did finally get to meet with my boss today. It went ok.
I need to work on rebuilding his trust in me. One of the ways I've been doing that in the past couple days is cc every email/correspondance to him so he knows exactly how I'm operating. I already keep a detailed phone log and time sheet breaking out my time spent on each contract. In our meeting he said I needed to walk that difficult line for rebuilding trust without innundating him with information he doesn't need. I'll have to work on that.
We also talked about how I tend to get defensive in meetings when my work is being questioned. I know that I tend to take things way too personally and I need to work on this issue so that my co-workers don't have to fear my "mood" when they need to confront me.
Guess I just need to revisit and fine tune all my issues. Sigh.
I
t's quite beautiful out today...and just now I looked out the offict window (which is on the second floor of the house) and I spied flowers (magnolias, I think) on the neighbor's tree just across the ally from me. I just love spring!
Tonight I'm reveling in some quiet. Ann, Penelope, and Caden are back home for a visit. Beth is working. And Nelson is out grocery gathering. Asher is down for a nap. Until he wakes up, I'm just going to stroll through some blogs/diaries, or maybe play some scrabble. It's just such a sweet sort of silence.
I wrote the following for a prayer blog I'm a part of:
Tuesday night I was in the yard with the grandbabies. A bird flew into the top of the big old tree. Penelope (cutest 3 yr old on the planet) stood at the base of the tree and jumped (a flat-footed 3 yr old kind of jump)--several times. Finally she looked over at me, where I was desperately trying not to laugh at her efforts, and she said, "I guess I'm not big enough, Mema."
Then it was as if a lightbulb went off, and she ran for the house. Moments later she emerged with her little step. She set it at the base of the tree, climbed aboard, and proceeded to try jumping again. Her face quickly displayed her frustration. Until another bulb lit up: You help me, Mema?
And I could help but picture myself jumping awkwardly at life's issues--trying to tackle problems not meant to be tackled. It reminded me of Peter trying to walk on the water. Jesus didn't invite Peter. It was Peter who asked to try something he wasn't created for. Jesus allowed it and scooped him up--lovingly...knowingly.
God grant me clearer vision of what my tasks are for this day. Help me not to waste energy jumping after things that you don't need me to do. Grant us each that assurance of your love. And we will be thankful.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
And This Week...
It was a poopy weekend. The boys both had diarrhea. Caden had several incidents of puking as well. That’s how I was awakened: by Travis washing one whiny baby in the tub. Travis was scheduled to have the kids, but since Caden was sick, he just spent the weekend with us. It turned out to be a good thing I think.
Sunday Aunt Flo came calling and I was crampy and feeling like I was coming down with a cold. I woke up Monday morning with more of the same. Problem was that I wasn’t sick enough to stay home, but felt too lousy to be at work. So I worked.Today is better.
Nelson continues to work long days. His pants were literally falling off him, so until his new uniforms come in he was given special permission to wear some of his bib overalls. When he started he was in a 56” waiste. Right now he’s down to a 44 or 46, depending on the cut. He continues to be my inspiration!
Ann and Travis had lots of opportunity to talk about things. He’s been remodeling their home. He’s completed therapy. It looks like she will move back home in May when the remodeling is complete. That will give them time to start over, having dates and move slowly. Then in the summer they’ll start couples therapy. It sounds like a good plan. We’ll be watching and praying as it unfolds.
Beth and Ron are looking at houses. Ron’s lease is up on his apartment in October. He doesn’t see the point in renting when their plan is to get married next year. They sat and talked with Nelson about how they should go about this. He gave good advice and they listened and actually followed it. Guess we’ll be watching and praying as that unfolds too.
So my very full house could be a very large house much sooner than I anticipated. Our lease is up in July so we need to make some decisions, too. I can’t even describe how I dread even the idea of moving, but I’m not liking some things that are already going on with the management company we’re renting with. They are now saying our rent is $685 with $10 for the pet rent. We can’t locate our copy of the lease. I know we had one, but it’s hiding really well. I’m going to look again tonight. Nelson and I talked about it. There’s just no way that it was $685. We were ready to balk at the $675. I know it’s only $10 but it’s principle and it is $10. If I can’t find it, I have to call and as for a copy of our original lease. Wonder how much they’ll charge me for that?
I cleaned my office today. Sort of. I filed and decluttered my desk and surrounding space of unnecessary paper. Now I have files to put away. That shouldn’t be too hard.
Well, it’s time to head home. Until later…
Sunday Aunt Flo came calling and I was crampy and feeling like I was coming down with a cold. I woke up Monday morning with more of the same. Problem was that I wasn’t sick enough to stay home, but felt too lousy to be at work. So I worked.Today is better.
Nelson continues to work long days. His pants were literally falling off him, so until his new uniforms come in he was given special permission to wear some of his bib overalls. When he started he was in a 56” waiste. Right now he’s down to a 44 or 46, depending on the cut. He continues to be my inspiration!
Ann and Travis had lots of opportunity to talk about things. He’s been remodeling their home. He’s completed therapy. It looks like she will move back home in May when the remodeling is complete. That will give them time to start over, having dates and move slowly. Then in the summer they’ll start couples therapy. It sounds like a good plan. We’ll be watching and praying as it unfolds.
Beth and Ron are looking at houses. Ron’s lease is up on his apartment in October. He doesn’t see the point in renting when their plan is to get married next year. They sat and talked with Nelson about how they should go about this. He gave good advice and they listened and actually followed it. Guess we’ll be watching and praying as that unfolds too.
So my very full house could be a very large house much sooner than I anticipated. Our lease is up in July so we need to make some decisions, too. I can’t even describe how I dread even the idea of moving, but I’m not liking some things that are already going on with the management company we’re renting with. They are now saying our rent is $685 with $10 for the pet rent. We can’t locate our copy of the lease. I know we had one, but it’s hiding really well. I’m going to look again tonight. Nelson and I talked about it. There’s just no way that it was $685. We were ready to balk at the $675. I know it’s only $10 but it’s principle and it is $10. If I can’t find it, I have to call and as for a copy of our original lease. Wonder how much they’ll charge me for that?
I cleaned my office today. Sort of. I filed and decluttered my desk and surrounding space of unnecessary paper. Now I have files to put away. That shouldn’t be too hard.
Well, it’s time to head home. Until later…
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Same Old
My life just feels like a series of the same thing over and over repeating itself.
I work during the day. I fill in at Curves—a lot lately. I change a lot of poopy butts.
Sigh.
I’m fighting a sore throat.
Nelson and I are thinking about buying a Curves in Ft. Wayne. How insane is that?
Nelson has lost 130 pounds. But he says he hasn’t really lost it because he’s not looking for it. Clever man!
I have to leave and drive 45 minutes for a meeting in Huron county. I’m sooooo glad the sun is shining today. It’ll be a very wonderful trip!
Pretty soon my lilac will be blooming. Now that’s something to look forward to!
I work during the day. I fill in at Curves—a lot lately. I change a lot of poopy butts.
Sigh.
I’m fighting a sore throat.
Nelson and I are thinking about buying a Curves in Ft. Wayne. How insane is that?
Nelson has lost 130 pounds. But he says he hasn’t really lost it because he’s not looking for it. Clever man!
I have to leave and drive 45 minutes for a meeting in Huron county. I’m sooooo glad the sun is shining today. It’ll be a very wonderful trip!
Pretty soon my lilac will be blooming. Now that’s something to look forward to!
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