Bad Break

Just got home a little bit ago…from the hospital. This afternoon Nelson fell off a ladder at work. They were putting up the roof trusses. They were on the next to the last one. He was only 4’ up the ladder. He came down on his left ankle, pile driving it into the ground and spinning, shattering the ankle and breaking the tibia (back leg bone) right below the knee. He couldn’t move. They took him to the ER in the squad. The ER Dr. decided to admit Nelson. Nelson is severely obese (5’9” and nearly 350#), so there’s no way he’d be mobile.

When we finally got to Nelson’s room, we finally saw the orthopedic specialist. He said that there was no way he wanted to touch Nelson’s ankle. It was that bad. He recommended a foot and ankle specialist within his group—the doc he’d want to cut on him. So Nelson is going to meet with PT in the morning to see if he can get mobile. If he can then he’ll come home and we’ll see the specialist on Monday.

The probably course of treatment will be to do some kind of stretcher thing on Nelson’s leg and ankle while they wait for the swelling to come down (about a week) and then do surgery to repair the damage the following week. Surgery will include pins and plates.

Here’s the thing… I don’t see Nelson being mobile. There is no way for him to put any weight on that ankle. So will they keep him until that doc can see him? Questions I have no answers for.

When he does finally get home, what am I going to do with him? Our bedroom is upstairs. I’m trying to figure out how to get a bed for him to sleep in. We’ll bring down the AC from our room and hang blankets on the door to the back of the house and the one going upstairs and he can just live in the living room…if I can find a bed. Beth suggested that we call a rental place. We’ll see.

Saturday morning…At midnight last night, I was finally getting tired. I was falling asleep while trying to type this so I went to bed. I didn’t sleep well—I never do when Nelson isn’t there. I woke up at my weekday-work time of 5am. And here I am trying to finish this.

When I drove home from the hospital last night, I shut the radio off and just followed my thoughts. I like to do that…I may have lots of time to do that if Nelson has to spend much time in the hospital. Right now, he’s an hour away. He’ll be farther when he has the surgery.

But back to the thoughts…It was one of those weirdly ironic things that this should happen yesterday. Buddy came back to work yesterday. I was very happy to see him. I had so many work related questions. I also had lots of wonderments as to how he was. My heart ached though to see how deflated he was. We got a few minutes to talk. He’s lost 18 pounds, he’s not sleeping, he didn’t want to be at work, but he didn’t want to stay home. The kids are doing better than he is in his opinion.

I tried to imagine what it would be like without Nelson. Nelson has been in chronic, recurringly severe, pain since August 1983 when he first injured his back. That injury just seemed to open the door to everything else getting worse. I will confess that there have been times when I told God it would be ok to take him home. I didn’t say those things with a mean spirit, but with a broken heart. It just hurts so much to see him hurt so bad.

And now this. This wound feels like a blow to me. Is that selfish? So be it. It’s where I am and how I’m feeling right now. And here’s why: Nelson doesn’t heal well—if at all. In my mind’s eye, I’m seeing Walter Brennon walking with that side hitch of his. I don’t know if he hurt, but I know Nelson will. When I think about this injury I just see another source of constant pain for my husband. And here’s another admission: I want to know why?

Well, I need to get a shower and get some things done before going to the hospital. I have to go buy a new tire for the car so that I don’t have a blowout on my way to the hospital. I wasn’t too worried driving around town until today because I knew I was going to get it replaced. But I was sure praying I’d make it home last night. I did.

If you think about it, I could use a prayer for wisdom and patience—I don’t do well with the slow “we’ll-get-around-to-it” pace that hospitals and doctors have. Steve and Rhonda are going to come help me either move Nelson home or move him to the other hospital. Thank God for friends…especially good friends with vans!

I’ll be back later to bring you an update..

Time Flies

My how time flies. Yesterday I had my 90 day review at work. I mean I knew it was coming—I’ve been watching to see how soon I get insurance. Evaluations have also been hard for me. I’m a perfectionist. To receive negative feedback was tantamount to failure to me. That is, in my former life…

Ed explained to me that the review is based on a lickert scale (0 to 5, 5 being the best you can get). He then went on to say that he never gives out 5’s and only rarely gives out a 4. Ok. I took a deep breath and told myself that a three was probably the best rating I would receive in any area. I was pleased that Ed expressed significant approval and appreciation and gave me several 3.5. When it was all averaged out, I was at about a 3.27. Not bad, not bad at all. I actually left Ed’s office feeling good about my performance and really good about how appreciated my work is.

Before the day was done I was back in Ed’s office. I had a materials dilemma and I needed to do some creative resourcing. I was out of bags and the only way to get some for Tuesday’s work was to drive to B-town to get some.

Today was just stressful. The company I order my packaging materials from just isn’t able to keep up with my needs. I did some calling and questioning and it appears that the person I deal with had been ordering based on last years figures. It seems that no one bothered to really update her on all our increases in production and packaging. Hopefully this is going to be fixed. But in the meantime I’m going to have to drive to the warehouse tomorrow (about 90minutes away) to get more bags. I’ll still be backordered but at least I’ll have bags to start the day with on Thursday.

On less stressful notes…I finished a very interesting book: Philip Yancey’s “The Bible Jesus Read.” My focus in seminary was always on the New Testament. Yancey gives some interesting viewpoints on the importance and impact of the Old Testament. Bottom line: it made me want to read more.

Food section: I have found a new yummy breakfast. I have always loved bagels and cream cheese. Yesterday at Aldi’s I found whipped cream cheese that is honey and nut (pecan) flavored. And I rediscovered a wonderful salad dressing: Marzetti’s Sweet Italian. It’s so good I ate a salad as a snack! I’m also quite pleased at another food purchase I made last night. Nelson wanted watermelon. I stood at the bins of watermelons and asked out loud, “How do you know if it’s a good one?” Fortunately, my daughter was with me to answer so that I didn’t look totally daft. We finally just grabbed one. Oh my! It was so sweet and juicy. I nibbled at little pieces while I was cutting it up and then had a few chunks for dessert. I love watermelon…but it does not love me. I spent a little time in the reading room (aka the bathroom) paying for that indulgence!

And some really good news! Last week I saw my PO. I updated her on the situation with T-Net church dissolving. She was surprised. Then she told me that I should pick a church and go. She felt that she knew me well enough to support my going to church. I was sooooo excited! So was Nelson. But we were so busy all week we didn’t sit down and discuss where we wanted to go so we ended up just watching TV church again on Sunday. We’ve talked a little more about it this week—we just don’t know what we want to do.

I guess that’s not exactly true. There are certain denominations where we wouldn’t feel comfortable theologically. We know we want to find a medium size church. Nelson just wants to be fed for a while and not feel pressured to lead. We are both in agreement about our desire for strong preaching and teaching ministries, followed by anointed worship (aka good music). Oh, and we want it here in town. We believe that we’ll be more likely to participate if we’re not having to travel to far (especially given gas prices and winter weather). And that way the people that we hope to befriend will also be close for fellowshipping purposes.

I’m thinking the first thing to do is make a list of potential churches and just start visiting. It’s not a process I relish, but it’s also a process that holds some possible excitement as we truly begin to sense God leading us again.

So, time is flying by…and that’s okay. Or at least I’m okay with it. Now if you’ll excuse me I think I’ll go finish another book…a friend in Canada sent it and it’s really quite good! I’ll review it more when I’m done.

Quite a Day

I wish I had a pedometer. I walked so much today, it would be interesting to see how far I went. I spent quite a bit of time this afternoon walking between my office, the shipping dock, the front office and the work area. I was doing the “legwork” to solve a couple mysteries. I had questions and no one in house had answers. But tenacity and openness paid off and I got all my answers!

I want to report that I have been practicing and working on the forklift. I’m still having trouble judging, but I’m getting better. Yesterday I confronted one of my fears and pulled a top stack pallet. It seemed so high up there. I sat and looked at the stack and prayed. It felt so good to accomplish that. With that feeling under my belt I decided to try something else that I had been afraid to do. I decided to try and put a basket in the stand. Sounds really easy, but it’s a struggle for even experienced forklift drivers at work. I needed a lot of spotting, but I did it! Yay!

There was a kind of dark cloud at work today. Remember the other day when I went to the shipping guy, B, who was filling in for the production manager, Ed? B is a hoot. He’s always playing tricks. He has a wonderful sense of humor and is pure orneriness. B's wife (a beautiful woman according to the picture on B’s desk and well-liked by everyone who knew her at the plant) has been battling with breast cancer for the past 7 years. Last night she finally lost the fight. My heart just aches for B. I never met his wife but I saw his eyes light up when he talked about her. The whole day I just wanted to drive out to Nelson’s work site and give him a great big hug and kiss. Instead I fixed his favorite dinner and baked chocolate chunk brownies. Sometimes it’s better to show it than just to say it.

It reminds me of a time in the last church I pastored. There was a man who had lost two wives to cancer. When he married the third woman she agreed to have a physical prior to getting married. They were quite cute together. They were married a couple months when it was discovered that she too had cancer. For a while she was in remission. They were older, in their 70’s. Their love was so obvious. They would winter in Florida and come back to our Ohio town for the summer. Her last spring the cancer came back with a vengence. They came home for a visit.

At the end of the service, people were filing out, shaking my hand and tell me how they liked the sermon. The man walked up and asked for prayer for his wife. What would you have done? There were still many people in the sanctuary, milling and talking. I gathered them together. We huddled around the couple and we prayed. I remember in that prayer praying, begging God for a miracle…even if that miracle was helping us to accept the death of this woman. I prayed that we would understand healing, and how it’s not always what we want or expect. I prayed that no matter what happened that no one, not one person, would question God, his power or his love. It was one of those times where I got lost in the praying—where I really believe the Spirit was doing the job of directing the prayer.

After she died the man sold his house and moved away. He came back to visit and he talked to me about how powerful that time, that prayer had been to both of them. I’m glad. I’m glad there was a nudge in my back and thump on my heart that prompted me to move beyond the conventional hand shake and lame promise to pray. When someone asks for prayer I pray right then. What do you do?

Would you do me a favor? Will you, right now, right there at your computer, invite the God of all comfort and consolation to envelope Buddy and his kids, and his family? They’re confused and hurting right now. Will you pray that God will keep their hearts tender and that they will find Him to be a God who will be with them in their pain, and who can not only handle, but answer all their questions?

Thanks

Abundant Blessings

I just came out to sit on the front porch to cool down. It hasn’t been like this for weeks now. The thermometer says it’s 79 degrees, but the humidity is way down and that’s so nice. Around here that’s the sarcastic retort: it’s not the heat it’s the humidity that’ll kill you. Whatever.

Annie and Penelope left yesterday afternoon. I miss the laughter already. We went to several garage sales yesterday morning. Annie was quite excited to find a bentwood rocker for only $8. It’s in really good shape and has a pad. She never had a rocker when Penelope was little and believe me, I groused a lot about that one! She loves this one and swears to use it now and with the new baby. We got some other good buys, too.

Later in the evening Beth, Nelson and I did yard work. It turned into a way for Beth to earn some gas money. She’s still between paychecks. She worked really hard mowing and trimming bushes. I was really proud of her and totally appreciated her hard work in the killer heat, er, humidity.

This morning I was sitting by the front door, listening to the birds singing. One was singing loudly, but all of a sudden got much louder. Teasingly, I told Nelson that it must be on the front porch. I stood up to look out the door and there not 10 feet in front of me was the most beautiful cardinal perched on the wrought iron pillar of the porch.

I may have to find an extension cord and sit out back on the swing to write. One of the bushes that Beth and I worked on last night is a huge honeysuckle bush beside our garage. The smell is divine. If I found a cord I sit out on the lawn swing and inhale the heavenly aroma and gaze at my gorgeous climbing roses. Oh, and my hostas have taken wonderfully! And the flowers I bought last week are thriving and beautiful. I may actually have developed a teeny tiny green thumb. Yay!

Friday was truly a no drama day at work and that made me very happy. We put 50% more production on the new line! I was very pleased. We’re still not where I want us to be—or where we need to be, but it was a significant improvement and one that we can totally build on!

It’s so still sitting here on my front porch. My Pooh flags are barely moving. A robin just ran right up to the edge of the porch and stood and looked at me. It was a very brief encounter. She nabbed a worm by one of the hostas and ran off to the tree lawn. Sitting here in the stillness, listening to the birds I am just flooded with contentment. Life is so far from what I dreamed it would be, or could be. But right now, for some totally inexplicable reason, none of that really matters. I’m totally okay with what I have.

I did something a week ago Friday that has made me smile all week long. Many of you read my entry about finding the $20 in my jeans pocket (“Way Cool God Thing” Jan. 12, 2005). Well, one of the women I work with has really been struggling financially. She came to work with us originally as a work-for-foodstamps program and was hired on full time because she’s such a good worker. She was recently released from prison after a five year sentence. She’s been wearing the clumsy toe protectors. And in spite of the challenges life had been throwing at her she maintained a really positive attitude.

Well, I asked her a week ago Thursday why she hadn’t purchased any steel toe shoes yet. She looked a bit embarrassed, so I followed up by asking if it was a money thing. She nodded. I then got even bolder. I asked her if she had the money, would she buy the shoes? She then told me definitely yes! The boots she had been wearing had been issued to her while she was in prison working on the loading docks. They had no shoes in her exact size and nothing big enough with steel toes. She wore boots that didn’t really fit, that looked like they could be steel toed to appease anyone who might do an audit of the area. So even though she might have continued the deception now, she chose to be honest and wear the toe protectors.

I proceeded to tell her the story about finding the money in my jeans and receiving a refund check at the very same time which enabled me to purchase my own steel toed shoes. Since Nelson and I are now both bringing home paychecks, I felt a real need to pay forward the $20 blessing I found in my jeans. So I asked if she’d buy the shoes. She stood there looking at me like I offered her a million bucks. We both got all teary. I brought the money in on Friday. She could barely take it when I offered it to her. Nelson was a little skeptical, but I just believed.

Monday morning she bepopped into the work area with her brand new work shoes. She came in a few minutes early to show me and give a thank you card. There was such a spring in her step all week long. When we started the new packaging plan right off the line, she was one of the people I assigned to the job. She was nervous at first, but gained confidence each day.

Life is so full of crap to bring us down. Challenges come at us right and left. Dreams go unfulfilled. Amid all that, it takes so very little to build people up. I want to be a people builder. There’s such a neat feeling that comes from seeing someone’s confidence lift.

Can I challenge you? Look for a way, a small way to build someone up this week. It’s awesome…really awesome!

Oh, and I want to report that Nelson bought me two pairs of steel toed shoes off ebay. We were able to get them for a really good price. They fit better and my feet are much happier! Just another blessing that I’m totally thankful for!

Dramaville

I went to bed around 10pm. Fitful, fish-flopping, unable to shut my brain off kind of sleep followed. It’s been horrible. So here I am at 2:45am wide awake. Not a good thing with a full day of work ahead and my last evening with Annie and Penelope.

I’m sitting here, praying and reflecting. At first, I was praying that God would just help me to sleep. Then I started asking, “Why am I awake?” I think it’s a combination of things. First, we met Rhonda (my best friend and wife of Steve who is now working with Nelson building the house) halfway between our homes/towns for dinner. I picked a Burger King in the halfway town that has a large play area so that Penelope would have a place to play. I was laughing so hard my cheeks and head hurt. But while we were enjoying all her antics I downed a couple large raspberry ice teas. So caffeine could be a part of the problem.

Another thing it could be is too much drama at work. There seems to be, inherent to the clientele I work with, a natural bent toward creating drama. But it’s not just the workers, it’s the director of the program as well. And I’ve been replaying yesterday’s drama over and over in my head—and I should be able to sleep because I’m exhausted by the whole thing.

The day started with the director of T-Net chewing the team out during their opening devotion time and then me out for production being too low, and venting about some other problems (that I had no control over). Venting barely describes the intensity of his anger (complete with a finger wagging at me—and way too close at that). He did come back and apologize, and yet even that felt like part of the drama.

I ended up talking with the acting Plant Production Manager (Ed is away this week—of course) and the CFO. They gave me a clear reality check: I am their employee and if Dan has a problem with the way things are being done, he needs to take it to the Production Manager. Their support went a long way to help get my head back into the job. Unfortunately, even though I was able to get my head back together a few team members were just not able and I felt like I spent a lot of the day “putting out fires.”

The good news is that we boosted our production yesterday, the bad news is that we may have overextended ourselves and made it hard to work today. We’ll just have to see what happens today.

Ok, I was able to go back and sleep for another hour. I think that was because I began to realize two things while I was typing this. First, Dan is bringing back the one guy who walked out in a fit of anger last month (or in April), who’s already worked here twice and not worked out. I began to wonder while I was typing if that move wasn’t a male territory kind of thing. This guy is the one that the really hard worker that Dan fired a few weeks back got into a fight with at the ministry’s transitional living apartment. A couple of the girls have a “thing” for the fired hardworking guy and Dan knows it. He and the FHG are really “pissing in each other’s oatmeal” and this has the icky feel of being another piece of that DRAMA! Ugh.

Another thing that dawned on me as dawn was quickly approaching was the possible meaning of a dream. I had been thinking about what I was going to have to do as soon as I get to work this morning: I have to set up to get a hot part out. Oh, wait I forgot to explain. In the midst of my firefighting in the afternoon, I checked my work email and found a request to get a part out because it’s “hot.” Great. So I talked it out with the team and we planned how to get it out first thing without too much disruption to our system. But in the dream I was having, I was building the wrong boxes. Now, you may have your own interpretation of the dream. What I realized and my answer came in association to the Drama of the day: I was focusing on the wrong thing and it was negatively affecting my ability to do my job.

So today, the drama gets parked at the door, no better, in the parking lot! We’re here to work. I refuse to get sucked in. I’m choosing to not go there. We WILL focus on the job!

I feel better right now. I’m still a little tired, but I think I’ll be ok. Annie and Penelope are coming for lunch today so I can show them the plant and show of my source of laughter these days. The very thought just put a huge smile on my face! So unlike yesterday when it was Dramaville and I didn’t really get any breaks or lunch—today Tina is taking lunch! Wish you all could join me.

Living in the Moment

I’m not mad, blue, pouting or hiding. I’m living in the moment. Ann and Penelope came to visit this week. It’s a whirlwind of activity once I get home and I barely fall into bed with an ounce of energy to spare!

Mom came home from the hospital this afternoon. Things are looking really good for her.

Work is hot, Hot, HOT!

Home isn’t much better, thought Nelson just put the window air conditioner in our bedroom window. If he gets the cable hooked up this could seriously become my favorite room in the house.

TTFN…Pnel just woke up from her after dinner snooze…that’s my cue to live for the moment…and play, play, play!

Surgery Update

I received a call from Mom's husband. She was done in less time than usually expected for the procedure. My aunt stopped by to visit her and said she looked pretty good and sounded well.
Thanks for the thoughts and prayers!!!

Full Plate

It has been an interesting, challenging, frustrating, fear-full, and exhausting kind of week.

Thursday after work I got a call from my sis who got a call from my uncle that my mother had fallen and perhaps had a brain aneurysm. After a couple of days and many, many phone calls between my siblings, children, and ex-SIL, and finally with my mother’s husband, I learned that Mom hadn’t had an aneurysm. The fall may have been the result of extreme low BP. So they have decided to put in a pacemaker. We don’t know when yet, hopefully early in the week. The really frustrating—no infuriating thing is that when she fell, she was unconscious for 10-12 minutes and during that time her husband (not my dad) and he didn’t call the squad. I nearly lost my mother and he didn’t call.

Friday was a very important day at work. We had a meeting with the company who holds the contract for our packaging—big company. Important people came to the meeting. We had done a major cleaning at the end of work on Thursday. I told them to clean like their grandma was coming to visit. They understood and the area looked great when they were done. One of the first things that happened was a tour of the plant and when the group descended on our area our work team really shone! I was so proud of them!!! And made sure they knew it.

At the end of the meeting Mr. R tried to explain how important this contract is to the team and the community. I spoke up and gave personal testimony to what a blessing this job really is. Later the HR manager stopped me to tell me how powerfully I spoke. I thanked him. Just a few minutes later Mr. R stopped me and assured me that both our company and the contract company were extremely pleased with the job we’ve been doing. Mr. R went on to tell me how much he appreciates what I’ve been doing, and what I did in that meeting. He told me that the company was not going to waste my talents. He said I would go far for the company. I wanted to ask what he meant, but just accepted the compliment and went home. It really felt good: both to be complimented, but also to just have that meeting over with!!!

Saturday I worked with 4 others. We got a lot accomplished today. We finished packaging a part and prepped for Monday. I was very pleased.

After work Nelson and I had lunch and then did some shopping. I ended up with some sandals that fit, a couple of flowers for my front porch and a trellis for the climbing rose I resurrected in the back yard. We had a good time together.

This morning I got an email from my uncle stating that Mom will be getting her pacemaker today (10:30 their time/1:30 my time). He also sent an email with an addy that explains the procedure. It’s a “minor” operation. Of course, I’ve always felt that minor surgery is what happens to someone else, not someone you love.

You know when things fly at you as fast as things have been flying here, it’s hard to reflect. At least it is for me. I’ve had some fleeting thoughts about stuff. Like, wouldn’t we all be better off if we had a spiritual pacemaker inserted? Then, like with my mom, when our spiritual life dips low we would get a zap to bring it back into line.

As for the meeting…I was really uncomfortable going into the meeting. I used to spend a lot of time in meetings. I was very active in supervision and management. My opinion was sought and respected. I never really enjoyed the meetings…I’m way to restless to sit still. This was the first time in 4 years I was invited to a meeting. The first time in 4 years my opinion was truly sought and respected. Then to run into Mr. R and have him put his arm around me and tell me what he did. I remember feeling nervous throughout the day, undeserving of the attention, and fortunate to have the opportunity to share. Then there was a moment in the midst of it all when deep in my heart, in that inner spot where God speaks to me, that I sensed not a word from God, but a smile—that kind of parental pride smile when your child gets it and love is overwhelming. I think that was the bestest moment of the day.

Then this morning, I was sitting alone when I read the email from my uncle. And I was overwhelmed with a sense of the seriousness of these days with mom. My dad died in 89 and since that time my relationship with my mom has become very, very special to me—to us both. My family is extremely dysfunctional, not close at all. My grandparents are all gone, My dad was an only child and I don’t know anyone on his side of the family. I’m really only “close” to Mom’s sis and BIL, and they have no children. I was sort of hit by a feeling of aloneness—a sort of orphan-type feeling. That was icky…and the lowest part of my weekend.

So that’s how things are going here. My plate is full. And hopefully, things will slow down soon enough to let me catch my breath and reflect a little more.

Friends Don't

I like cappuccino. I like it enough to stop and get the gas station knock off. We aren’t important enough to have Starbucks and the two coffee cafes in town are rich for my pocket.

Something happened yesterday that reminded me of a cappuccino moment from a few years ago. I had drunk a cappuccino from a gas station early in the morning. The cup had one of those tabs on the lid that you flip up and secure to the rest of the lid. There was foam on my tab and unbeknownst to me, I walked around all day with cappuccino foam on the end of my nose. I didn’t find it until it was almost time to go home when I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror. I couldn’t believe my “friends” let me go around that way all day. Fortunately, I didn’t have any important meetings that day. Just several clients and a couple groups.

I remembered that time yesterday when I bent down to pick up some boxes and realized that my zipper fly was totally gaping open. I had used the bathroom at lunch and didn’t find my gapingness until nearly 2:30 in the afternoon. I was embarrassed. And I was a little hurt.

Now, it’s a given that I’m a little weird, but if I notice that someone has cappuccino foam on their nose or their fly is open, I’m going to let them know. I don’t derive any twisted pleasure from someone else’s goof.

What would you do?

Okay, here’s another question. Someone actually asked me this question on Sunday. What authors of this current time/age will make enough of an impact that they will still be quoted and impacting people in 2500AD? I thought it was a good question. Who do you think?

Well, I’m going to do a little stuff around the house…I’ll be back to check out your answers.

Next Chapter

I’m sad. But it’s not a “crying” kind of sad. It’s a grieving sort of sad. I went to “worship” alone today. Nelson had fallen asleep on the couch (sitting up so as to avoid hurting either his back or his sunburn) and even though I made noise that could have woke him up, he stayed asleep. So I snuck out the back door and went alone.

When I arrived only the “leader” was present. We started out having a light conversation about our week—sort of an accountability check in. Then he began to describe the prayer time the extended group had on Monday evening last week. During the prayer time, Jim came to believe that it was time to end the Sunday morning gathering. The group had dwindled down to where it was basically Nelson and I and the leader couple, Jim and Cheryl. It hadn’t felt “worshipful” since before Easter. It just seemed “time” to let it go.

Jim and I went on to have a really interesting conversation, but it was all head stuff. I was afraid to get too close to heart stuff because I knew I was on the verge of tears and I just didn’t want to go there. I heard myself saying that I had been anticipating this event, and that given the way God had been so clearly leading in our lives over the past months, I was sort of excited about what direction we would be heading into now.

Sort of. What else could I say? Last year when my PO told me that I wouldn’t be allowed to attend church without a pastoral intervention and then having that pastor decide that he couldn’t “put his congregation at risk by allowing me to be present” left me feeling extremely discouraged and defeated. For all it wasn’t, the T-Net “worship group” at least filled the Sunday morning void. Now what?

When I got home, Nelson and I discussed the meeting. He wasn’t too surprised. His question too was “now what?” He listed out a few options, none of which was very appealing. The first was a nearby local congregation. We’ve watched the services on TV. But I was aware that the congregation wasn’t open to working with “my kind.” A second option was the Nazarene Church in a nearby town whose pastor we met with a couple months ago. The pastor and wife were college friends of ours and the way they described the ministry of the congregation was somewhat appealing, but neither Nelson nor I want to go back into the legalistic constraints of the Nazarene Church. A third option is the Wesleyan Church that our friend Steve (who is also working with Nelson on the house project). Steve knows the generalities of my situation. He’s never asked the particulars (details), it wasn’t an issue for him. We would be welcome there. Only problem is that it’s about forty miles away. With gas prices, it’s just not a financially feasible or appealing option.

Nelson just came to the bedroom to see what I was doing. Normally I would just sit in the living room and write, but I just needed to be alone to process through this. Here’s how the conversation went:
N: Why is God so mean to us?
T: God isn’t mean.
N: Then why is He putting us through this?
T: Maybe he wants us to trust Him to lead us and depend on Him.
N: Then He has 6 ½ days to tell us where to go to church next Sunday. And in all our lives God hasn’t worked that fast.
T: I don’t know why God is being so mean.
N: (as he walked away) Well, have fun processing that.

I don’t think God is being mean. I’m just confused. I ache to be in worship. And by that I mean a time with other believers where there is praise and preaching, that is powerful, encouraging, challenging, uplifting, and empowering. I am hungry for teaching, to sit and learn from another student of the word. I need more than the radio and the TV—but I am thankful for both of those.

I am sad, but I am hopeful—albeit a weak hopeful right now—it is still hope!

Well, I think I’m going to go hunt up some sustenance for my physical being so that I might continue to process in my spirit.

Authorized

But not confident or competent. I was so terribly intimidated when I got up on the tow motor. I was really hoping that the other guys would go back to work and not watch me, but alas my pitiful skills were observed by all. Sigh. The good news is that I didn’t run into anything or break anything! What I’m going to do is practice, practice, practice! That’s the best way to build confidence…for me anyway.

We were scheduled to work overtime today. I was going to have 4 people plus myself. Then yesterday one person (the new girl) backed out. That left four of us—less than ideal but still doable. I picked the one gal up from the jail (she’s on work release) and one other guy showed up when we arrived. That left one more to show up. But he didn’t. There is no way we could package parts with just three of us. Well, that’s not exactly true, but we wouldn’t have put out any quantity. So we made boxes instead, boxes for parts and cartons with all the appropriate labels to put the boxes in. We got a lot accomplished.

That’s the good news. The bad news is that we aren’t supposed to just make boxes. Mr. R showed up (owner of the company) on an errand not necessarily related to “checking up” on us. He saw we only had three workers. Next thing I knew, Ed was there. That wasn’t a good thing. We talked. I told him that I knew we weren’t supposed to just make boxes. T-Net gets paid for packaged parts—only! I told him that I felt that I shouldn’t punish those who showed up because someone else didn’t. Ed assured me that I did the right thing. Little consolation, really. We briefly discussed the need for more workers and the possibility of using college students. We need to do something since we got about 5000 more parts in on Friday afternoon.

Beth was hired as a server at Applebees. She starts training on Tuesday. The pay isn’t any better, but the restaurant is only about 5minutes from home, as opposed to 22miles.

Nelson finally started work on the “house”—the main incentive and reason we moved here nine months ago. The first day out there, setting floor joists was Thursday. It was a pretty day: sunny and seventy. Only trouble was he wasn’t thinking and wore a sleeveless t-shirt. Oh my, the sunburn is bad. We’ve been putting aloe on it. Last night he was awake most the night. His back was bothering him badly and so were his arms. There just was no getting comfortable. Amazingly, I slept through it. He’s napping on the couch right now.

Ok. Enough chattering. I mostly wanted to report that I made it through forklift training. I’ll try to write something more substantial later. TTFN

Murphy Day

Yesterday felt like a Murphy Day. You remember Murphy’s Law don’t you? “Anything thing that can go wrong, will.” It seemed like every stack of boxes I touched fell over. I had one employee get sick and have to leave. Another informed me that she had to leave a half hour early. We working very diligently to get a booger of a part out. At a certain point we needed more of the part boxes brought up to be made. I told the guy where they were. He came back and asked again where to find them. I went with him to the exact spot they were to be in, only to find there weren’t any. After a little hunting, I found that I hadn’t received my whole order and what I needed to complete the packaging of that order was on back order—but will arrive today. Sigh.

We did get a new employee, but I’m not sure how long she’ll last. She did a great job of making boxes. Everyone is very concerned about her working out—because she’s five months pregnant and only 18. We’ll just have to see.

I got my hand smacked. I got a page to call Ed’s office, but I was pretty close, so I went in person. He and B (Shipping Manager who’s worked at the plant for 25 years) were working on something. B told me I was “in for it now.” They’re so ornery. I was supposed to remind Ed to schedule tow motor training. I thought he said for next week. Nope, today. So he gave me a playful smack. They’re such goof balls. So hopefully Murphy takes the day off today—or it could get pretty messy! LOL.

I now have email and internet access on my computer at work. I don’t think I’ll have much time to do anything personal with it. I’m just not in my office that much. It will be nice to be updated on memos and shipments though!!!

When Beth got home yesterday she had a message to call the manager at Applebees. She has an interview there this afternoon. She’s pretty excited. She’s sore, scraped, and blistered from her week at the factory. Not even a week. Just three days. She was very willing to go job hunting today. I think the experience turned out to be very motivating for her. We’ll see.

Oh, and I'm very special. I was the first felon in my county to comply with the new federal law. All convicted felons have to add their DNA profile to the federal registry. We tried to do this at my visit on Tuesday, but the PO realized that there were some things missing (like the thumb print pad and a witness) so I had to come back. It really didn't feel all that special. It was just another shame based reminder. Fortunately, I was able to bounce back up and enjoy more Murphyisms at work. What a day!

Well, I better head my face toward work. If you hear something crash, it’s just probably something I knocked over…trouble is that it’ll be more than boxes today. My team has decided they think they should get the day off—as a safety precaution. They’re really funny!

Oh well here I go----beep, beep beep!

Beyond Overwhelmed

Overwhelmed.

For most of my life I could not admit when I felt overwhelmed. It’s not that I didn’t feel it—I knew what it felt like, I just wasn’t allowed to tell anyone else. The worst person to tell would be my boss or supervisor. It would be admitting limitation, which is tantamount to admitting failure.

Not being able to recognize my limitations was part of what set me up for my poor choices in 2001. I was living like SuperWonderWoman…or trying to. I could tell I was failing and falling, but I kept moving faster and faster, hoping that somehow I would figure out a way to make things okay. Didn’t happen. Instead the world and life came to a grinding halt, a horrible crash.

I couldn’t…I wouldn’t go there again. There was and is no reason to. I have created a really good system. We have been extremely productive—when we have a full crew working. I’ve only had a full crew one day. I lost a really good worker last week. The 21yr old who gives me fits and ulcers is have her tonsils out tomorrow and is going to milk the recovery for two weeks. And my best worker, my right hand man, didn’t show up for work and Dan is going to fire him from the T-Net work program. I’m really sick about that one.

So this morning, knowing that I was going to be seriously short staffed, I looked out over the sea of orders waiting to be packaged and I felt severely overwhelmed. I could feel the tears knocking at the back of my eyes. I was swallowing down sobs. How was I going to get all these orders out?

Ed walked up. Ed is a great supervisor. I feel abundantly blessed to have Ed as my supervisor. He took one look at me and could tell I was distressed. He suggested we take a walk. I told him that I was feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. I offered to work extra, off the clock, but I still didn’t think we could catch up. I told him that I knew that the issue was that we were short 3-4 people and without them we wouldn’t be able to make the goal of 2000 parts a day, or 10, 000 a week.

We talked for a while. I felt a smidgen better. The crew worked hard today and got out over 1700 parts. Not bad for only 6 of them and one of me—and I’m getting called here and there all the time. I’m praying that Dan has a change of heart about letting the one guy come back. Tomorrow someone new starts. Tomorrow Beth (my 21yr old daughter who got fired from her job on Sunday) will be working with us.

So hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day. Today wasn’t too bad. I faced down an emotional demon. I admitted I’m human. It didn’t necessarily feel good, but it felt great. I mean realizing limitations isn’t a real high spot…old habits die hard. But die it did and it’s good to know I don’t have to go down that road again.

This may not make as much sense to anyone but me…and oddly enough, I’m really okay with that.

Further Reflections on A&W

I was thinking some more about our time at the A&W yesterday. Nelson tells me that this was one of the original A&W’s. It is located on the road between Ashland and Wooster. I may have to do some research on that one. (Research done…husband is sitting on the couch cracking up that I would have actually believed his bunch of hooey…when will I ever learn….)

It’s one of the old fashioned stands. You pull in and when you’re ready to order you turn your lights on. All it was missing was roller skates on the gals waiting on the cars.

The wonderment that kept coming back to me was that we appeared to be the youngest couple there. Someone mentioned to me that was probably too early a time for anyone younger to be there. 2 in the afternoon? I think it does have something to do with time, but not the time of day as much as the time it takes to get your food.

We are such an instant people. I think I remember this statistic correctly: we don’t like to wait longer than thirty-seven seconds to be waited on at places like McDonalds. 37 seconds. We want instant service at WalMart or the grocery, or the bank. We want instant food. Microwaves are barely fast enough. We expect the food we order in restaurants to be instantly whisked out to our tables..

We want quick fixes to relationships. We want instant healing. We want to lose weight quickly (Have you seen the commercial where the guy in the gym weighs himself and then runs around the equipment once and expects to see some loss when he gets on the scales?). We want our news now. So much so we can get updates on our phones and pagers—which are just other evidences our instant fetish: don’t wait to reach me when I’m home to call, reach me where ever I am. And then there’s the ever-present Instant Messaging.

Sometimes I wonder if that ‘s why I don’t feel out of sync. I can keep up the fevered pitch at work, but when I’m at home I just want to SLOW down and savor the moments. It’s funny one of the things that slowed me down was when I was on a diet last year. To make the meals more appealing and appetizing I found different ways to marinate the chicken Marinate, the very process takes time. The longer the meat is marinated the more juicy and delicious the end product.

Love takes time. I am deeply concerned about couples who don’t take the time to give love a chance to help them work through their differences. Many couples, products of the instant and disposable age we live in, move directly from problems to divorce without ever attempting to work through the matters before them.

As I write this, I’m sitting in my chair in the living room looking through the dining room and into the kitchen. It’s a little like looking at a snapshot of my life. There are projects in process: Nelson is stripping the paint from the wood work in the living room, the wall paper is half removed in the living room and started in the dining room. There is a piece of paneling in the dining room and a ceiling panel out in there too. Two bins of cross stitch stuff are taking up room between here and there (gifts from my SIL/friend Rhonda—because she no longer wanted them). And the kitchen is a project begging to be done. There amidst the projects is a collection of old antiques and new modern equipment. All symbolic of the tension I live with.

So I will keep going back to the A&W because I like the root beer and because it helps me slow down, breathe, appreciate, reflect, and enjoy life.

Sweet Saturday

I feel very blessed. Very loved. Thank you.

Thursday when Nelson came home from work he was as low as I had ever seen him. He was very edgy. Very negative. His mood immediately put me into “eggshell” mode. When he called me earlier to tell me he was on his way home, I asked what he wanted for dinner. His first response was Bourbon Chicken. I took that to mean dinner at Golden Corral—one of our favorite buffet restaurants where they serve a yummy Bourbon Chicken. When I checked that assumption out, his response was Bourbon Chicken, hold the chicken. My husband was quite wild man in his teens: lots of booze and lots of drugs to escape the inner turmoil and pain. He hasn’t done that in our 26+ years of marriage. I clearly heard him say he was on the bottom.

All evening I was guarded in my responses and interactions. Finally, Nelson asked me what was up and I told him that I could sense his anger was ready to erupt (depression, afterall is anger turned inward—one definition). He apologized and told me that he would do his best to pull out of the funk.

When he woke up Friday morning, he informed me that he was no longer depressed and as best he was able (as best a 350lb man can), he leapt out of bed. He was much more pleasant when he got home and today has been lots of fun. (I don’t know how long it will last, but I’m going to ride the wave while I’ve got it!)

I had the opportunity to work overtime today. We are just buried in parts to package and the operations manager offered half day for the team. They work about 35 hours during the week, so the can do 5 hours on Saturday without going into overtime. The plant just had to pay me overtime. We got a lot accomplished! It was neat that once again they allowed me to open and close the plant by myself. Last time we worked on a Saturday, both the operations manager and the company owner stopped in to check on us. Today no one checked on us. That felt good.

I got home about 12:30. And then Nelson and I hit a few garage sales. We ate lunch at the A&W here in town. While we were eating I was looking around at all the cars around us. The placed was packed and we were there about 2pm. Everyone there was much older than us. It was weird. We felt like kids. Good food. Good soda. And good feeling young!

We relaxed in the afternoon. Spent a little time with the younger daughter before she went to visit her boyfriend. Nelson decided he wanted Chinese buffet for dinner. I didn’t eat much. I mostly enjoyed my pot of tea. When we were done eating it was about 8pm and Nelson suggested that we just take a drive in the country. It was sooooooo nice! We meandered down country roads for about an hour.

It was just a really nice day together. We tried to get together with friends, even contacted my sister. Everyone had plans. So we were “forced” to be together. And it was truly fun!

And now I’m ready for bed.

Eeyoresque

I’m starving. Really craving. And the sustenance I am in desperate need of is something I crave even more than chocolate. It’s human contact.

I think I’m a smidgen blue. It’s not depression. Just sort of melancholy. Yep that’s it, just a temporary case of the Eeyore’s.

I love my online friends. There are people here who make me smile, they sometimes really do make me laugh right out loud. I eagerly reach for the computer to read about how their day has gone, what’s the latest piece of challenge that they’re facing. I weep with them too. Their sadness breaks my heart. Some challenge me to think deeper and love more honestly. I treasure them.

I work so much and fill my evenings with computer time. I don’t have church friends, since the group we meet with is extremely small (usually only two other couples) and their lives are busy with their families and work.

I enjoy the people I work with, but they aren’t my friends. I talk occasionally with my ex-sis in law/best friend Rhonda, but her life is quite busy and scheduling time together is tough.

I guess tonight I’m just feeling a little lonely. Nelson has been so discouraged lately that it’s been hard to even be around him without feeling like I have to be careful about what I say or do.

I’m sure it will pass. But in the meantime, a real hug would sure feel nice. A face to face conversation or laughter with a friend would just do my heart good. Perhaps I’ll just go take a walk, listen to the birds and smell the flowers. We’ll see.

Just thought I’d let you know how I was feeling tonight. TTFN.

Nelson and Fritters

Why I don’t bash my husband.
Nelson is an amazing man. He’s got so many talents and abilities. He can fix about anything. He can build just about anything. I want him on my team for Trivial Pursuit because he knows a little about everything.

He can look at a pile of wood and see what he needs to make, or be asked to make something and know exactly how much wood or whatever it’s going to take without even drawing a plan. That astounds me.

He also knows me. It’s not that: I’ve got you all figured out kind of knowing. He’ll be the first to tell you he hasn’t been able to figure me out—as if that were possible. Nor I him. Each week there’s at least one conversation that ends with: You’re kidding I never knew that about you…

And about apple fritters…
Once upon a time…This occurred pretty early in our life together. The girls were little. We lived in Medina. I was an assistant pastor and teacher at a Christian school. Being that busy my house didn’t always have that freshly cleaned look—it wasn’t a pig sty, but clutter ruled big time.

So one day I was having the worst day—the kind nightmares are made of. I was supposed to hostess some kind of in-home party thing. Work was awful. I knew I would get home just in time for the party. I knew Nelson didn’t really have work that day. I was thinking to myself: it would be so nice if Nelson just did the dishes. Back in that day it wouldn’t happen. My mind began to run with the fantasy. It would be even nicer if he found a sitter for the girls. It would be so cool if he’d take me to ChiChi’s for dinner.

I shook my head and brought my mind back to reality. The only thing that this day really needed was one of the killer apple fritters from the bakery a couple blocks from the house. To this day I’ve had none better. Bad days are still referred to as “Apple Fritter” days. If he would just bring me an apple fritter I’d somehow deal with the rest.

I walked into my house and just stood there and wept. Not only had he done the dishes, but he actually pushed the vacuum around the living room. The house was quiet, peculiar thing with two active girls under 5. He informed me that they were spending the evening with a sitter and he had planned to take me to ChiChi’s for dinner—if that was okay? Okay?! Through my tears I barely squeaked out that the only thing that would make this better is if he would have gotten me an apple fritter. He walked to the kitchen and came back with a white bakery bag containing the hugest apple fritter I had every seen.

We’ve been able to surprise each other over the years by seeming to read the other’s mind. And other times we’ve just really missed the mark. The Apple Fritter day miracle has stood as a shining example of how really connected we are. Because of how special that was, we realize that we need to nurture that connection—and we do!

And he loves me.
This one gets me each time I think about it. Yes, he’s committed to me and committed to commitment. But that’s not what amazes me. It’s how he looks at me. Sometimes I catch him sort of staring at me with this “look.” In his eyes I’m beautiful. I don’t see it. I tease him that he needs his glasses adjusted. Sometimes he doesn’t get how I can’t see it. I don’t have to. I just need to see that he sees it and then believe that it’s true. No matter how I’ve screwed up, he keeps loving me.

So those are some of the reasons I can’t bash my husband. That’s not to say he doesn’t make me crazy. He does. I mean, he’s a man after all. He doesn’t take care of himself like he should. I ache to see how he hurts. He’s stubborn. He has a temper. He is a pack rat. He doesn’t always put things away. But all those are blips on the radar, barely worth mentioning compared to overwhelming good stuff that is totally lavished upon my life on a regular basis.

His body is breaking down, wearing out. He often tells me that he’ll be lucky to live another five years. Sometimes I see a different kind of ache in his eyes. An ache for heaven—where there’ll be no more pain. Selfishly I would keep him forever, but I confess I’ve told God that if He wants to take him, it’s okay with me because I just hardly can stand to see him hurt any more.

I know this: if Nelson dies, I think I’ll probably not remarry. I mean, how could I? How could I do that to another person? Those would be some seriously HUGE boots to fill. I’m blessed and I know it and I don’t mind saying it!

Feeling Good

Well, I did it. It’s been really warm this week at the factory. I was wearing my hair pulled back off my face. No real style, just function: keep it off my face! I hadn’t had it cut since right before Annie’s wedding last September. It was down to my shoulders. But my hair is so baby fine and thin that if put it in a “ponytail” it was just laughable.

So I went hunting on the internet for a short hairstyle. This is the one I found that I liked http://www.short-hairstyles.com/short/s20.htm Trouble was that when I went to connect my laptop to the printer I couldn’t print. When Nelson reformatted my hard drive recently he didn’t reload the printer. I almost didn’t go. I knew what the picture/cut looked like but sometimes I think that stylists hear a different language. I was afraid of what I might get.

I went to “Famous Hair” to get my hair cut. I have been there twice now and I am very impressed. The stylist took a lot of time to listen to my explanation. She was a little older, so she understood when I said I didn’t want all the flippy stuff that is so popular with the kids these days. I needed a more mature cut. Sheesh, did I feel old!

She did a fabulous job!!!!!! My hair doesn’t look exactly like the picture, but it would be hard to get that kind of fullness on my head without some kind of hair transplant. But it’s similar. I really like it. Nelson gave his approval—even though he would rather it be long. Beth told me it looked really cute too. It’s going to be so easy to take care of and so much cooler at the factory. I’m really pleased.

It’s a quiet Saturday here. Nelson and I hit some garage sales. Found some good deals and only bought what we “needed.” Then we went grocery shopping. Lots of healthy eats. After that we had lunch at the Ponderosa Buffet. It was good and I behaved myself. I took a couple bites of my dessert and then just opted to have a second cup of coffee. That felt good.

Nelson is napping now. We’ll probably pull out the Scrabble board and watch the race. All in all, a very good day!

Spicy Smiles

The last two days I have been more of a supervisor at work. That’s not to say I haven’t built my share of boxes or that I’ve been avoiding the line. It’s just that in the past two days I have done more telephoning and arranging of things. I’ve walked the length of the factory countless times stopping often in the Production Manager’s office and hiking all the way to shipping and receiving. (Have I mentioned that I’ve lost 15lbs!!!)

Today I was waiting on a shipment of boxes. I ordered them on Friday morning. I needed them—no, I REALLY needed them. I was running out of parts to package on one line and had lots of parts but no boxes on the other. So after weeks of trying to get them to speed up their production, I was now telling them to take it easy. I thought I was going to have to either send them home early or give them a very long lunch break. When what to my wondering (and waiting) eyes should appear but a very full semi pulling onto the dock! I was so happy! We were able to keep working and put out over 2400 parts today!

I was sitting here typing my first paragraph when the phone rang. I figured it was probably going to be Annie with a report of the latest achievement for baby Nel. I was wrong. It was Nel…Nelson. He was calling me from the backyard on his cell asking me to come out and help him start the mower. I shook my head and laughed. How did we ever survive before cell phones?

We weren’t able to get our mower running. It’s been temperamental for a couple of seasons. I remembered that the landlord had left a mower in the garage. Nelson gave it a few tugs and he was off to the races. He’s mowing the lawn. Anyone care to identify what’s wrong with this picture? Here’s a clue for those who are new to my life: lawn mowing is one of my favorite things to do. He didn’t even ask. I guess it’s okay though. We could have lost a small child in the backyard and never known it, it was so incredibly long back there. He has much more patience with that and the way the mower cuts out in that long stuff. So I’ll let him have the first cut. I’ll even thank him for being so kind to me. Then we’ll see who mows next!

Nelson called on his way home. He’s been really depressed lately. He suffers from chronic low-grade depression (dysthymia). Over the years he’s been on different meds and also sought counseling. I can generally tell when he’s moving from discouragement to depression, and generally notice it long before he admits it. I’ve seen this bought coming. I hadn’t caught the severity of it, however, until he looked at me and said he was wondering if he should check himself into a hospital. He decided against it since my insurance hadn’t kicked in and it was just too depressing to think about creating such a huge medial bill.

One of the things that Nelson does when he’s depressed is eat. This seems to offer a momentary relief which is soon overtaken by the guilt and remorse that comes from being morbidly obese. His drivetime call was to see what I wanted for dinner. At first he suggested Arby’s. I was okay with that. Then he called back and suggested BW3 (Buffalo Wild Wings). We had never been so I agreed. My mouth is still burning! It was .30 wing night so we got 10 wings. I ate one with Hot Barbque. My nose started running! My main course was a Caribbean Jack Chickenlito. It was also hot, but quite yummy. It’s definitely a place that I would like to try again. Nelson enjoyed his hot food and a bleu cheese burger almost as much as he enjoyed sitting in front of the huge screen TV watching Sports Center on ESPN. He smiled. I enjoyed that!

Well, he’s done mowing the lawn and I want to give him some special attention tonight, so, I’ll be signing off for a while. I hope there are spicy smiles in your evening as well!

Mother's Day

Saturday night I called my mom and read her what I had written. I was crying before I was done and so was she. I wanted to read it to her so she could hear the inflections where I wanted them. It was very special.

Nelson and I are very concerned for Annie and Trav. They just haven’t learned how to communicate with one another. They store up all their emotions, especially their anger, and then explode on one another. We wanted to just scoop Ann and Pnel up and bring them home. Nelson was fearful of what Trav might be saying when he wasn’t around, based on what he heard when he was there! After we left they had a huge fight and Ann ended up going to a friend’s house with Pnel. She’s home now.

We know that they care for one another. They just need help. Nelson and I talked about it last night and again over lunch today. We decided to offer to pay their way to a Marriage Encounter/Enrichment weekend and would even go along if that would help them feel more comfortable. Annie’s going to talk to Trav about it. Nelson and I went to one of these weekends after we’d been married a few years. Early on Mr. Wonderful used to put me down terrible, especially in front of other people. In that weekend he learned what he was doing to me and there was a huge change in him. He slips occasionally, but it’s rare and quite the exception.

Nelson got me a sweet little gift for Mother’s Day. He bought me the Bullet (as seen on TV) off of Ebay. He’s already made me guacamole (one of my most favorite foods in the world) and a strawberry milkshake for dinner! Mmmmmm. It was a gift for me, but I imagine he’ll use it bunches more than me.

Well, that was my day. I hope yours was as sweet!

Mothers' Day Thoughts

(Here's what I'm going to send my mom for Mothers' Day)

Mothers’ Day Thoughts


Hey there! (This is how I always answer when she answers the phone...it's how she knows it's me.)
I went to the store the other day and one of the items on my list was a Mother’s Day card for you. I read a few and was not very much impressed with any of them. So I decided to write something personal for you instead. It’s cheaper and will hopefully mean a lot more (if I can get the thoughts rambling around my brain down on paper).

This is typically a day of gift giving. I remember many of the gifts that my girls gave me over the years. None of them cost very much, but they all meant so much because they took the time, made the effort. I was thinking about Annie’s journey into motherhood and wondered if I should give her a gift, too. Maybe I’ll write her a letter, too. Anyway, I hope you will accept the gift of my thoughts and words.

So while I was thinking of gifts, I started thinking of the very special and unique gifts that you have given me and I decided that I wanted to thank you for the precious gifts I have received from you!

You gave me a love of music.
**I remember one time going with you to rehearse a song you were singing at a church, in Milan I think. I was so impressed. You planted a seed of hunger for singing.
You gave me a love of theater.
*This gift came in two forms. You not only introduced me to stage productions, you planted the seed that craves the lights, the lines, and play!
You gave me a love of words.
*Hours of watching you and Dad play Scrabble and pages and pages of crosswords later we find ourselves planted in front of a Scrabble board mining words and having a wonderful time!
You gave me a love of fine food.
*I remember you eating crab legs. Nah, you didn’t eat them, you savored them. Good food was a special treat and you celebrate it. Now, so do I.
You taught me perseverance.
*I absolutely get my tenacity, my dogged determination, from you.
You taught me the importance completing a task.
*I wish I had a dollar for every time you said that if I was going to do something, I should do it right!
You showed me how to love and support your husband.
*We were never unloved, but we knew who really held your heart. His work took him away, but you plugged on.
You listened and let me dream.
*I’m surprised my rear end isn’t permanently flat from all the hours I spent sitting on the footstool in front of you or on the counter while you worked in the kitchen.

But most of all you showed me how to go on when everything in life seemed to be coming to an end. And you loved me and encouraged me to keep going when I thought my world was over.

These are gifts for which no card, or flowers, or trinket can compare. I celebrate them this Mothers’ Day…and I celebrate you.

I love you bunches and a lot!
T

Saturday Blessings

Okay, I just want to let you know that even though I’ve been working my butt off some of it was still present and it’s probably a good thing. Thursday right before lunch my feet decided to do a strange tangle tango and I landed on a short stack of pallets with a crash. Extra bottom side padding comes in handy! I’m stiff and sore and didn’t even wound my pride as no one saw me do it. (LOL)

Yesterday we were short staffed again, but we worked hard and respectably. Before the crew had gotten there, I went into Ed’s office to ask a couple production questions. During the conversation he informed me that he really appreciated all my hard work and was going to request that I be bumped up I’ve only been an employee for 6 weeks and I got my first raise!!!! I was so excited I went straight back to my office to call Nelson and tell him.

Toward the end of the day M (my Saturday call off guy and the hardest worker on my crew) and I decided to stay after and rearrange things. I worked off the clock. We were able to relocate things in such a way that items will be much more accessible. Ed came out while we were working along with company owner and gave their stamp of approval on our effort. Ed also gave me the letter making my raise official starting Monday. While he was there he talked to me about whether I thought M was ready to be hired on full time. M is such a hard worker and Ed has been noticing this. I told him yes, that M was who I depended on a lot. I hope it works out for him—I’ll just miss him terribly in my department.

Well, I just finished lunch. Nelson and I both went to bed early last night (before 9:30) and slept till after 7:30 this morning. When we both were up we just sat and talked. It was really nice. Then the conversation shifted over to matters of money. What a perfect way to squelch a lovely morning. Sigh. I have such issues about money. I’m not so sure the issue is as much about money as it is about worth. But somehow in my mind money equates somehow into worth.

Part of our conversation was about how he isn’t getting paid and how he was justifying not confronting Dave about it. His reasoning is that having known Dave for so long, knowing that he’s a kind, caring man, he just keeps waiting for Dave to come to work one day and say that he was going to either pay Nelson more when the house (the one they’re remodeling) or more when they finally start building the other one. He says he just can’t imagine it being any other way and that’s why he hasn’t confronted Dave. Nelson wanted to go to the Resurrection service tomorrow at the Messianic Congregation, but we just don’t have the money for gas (it’s an hour and a half trip to get there). We talked about it later and decided that if Dave asks where he was he’s going to tell him that he couldn’t come because he didn’t have the money and that things have been really tight since he hasn’t had a paycheck since mid-December. Whether he quits on the spot depends on what Dave’s reaction will be. (Sigh.)

Nelson and I went to Aldi’s to get groceries before lunch. We just got essentials and spent about $55. Hopefully that will hold us for two weeks. That’s how tight things are.

After lunch we turned off the TV, turned on the stereo and put out the Scrabble board. We played two games. Nelson killed me the first game and returned the favor in the second game. It was such a nice few hours: good music, sweet smelling candles, mellow hazelnut coffee, and just the best company around. I’m so thankful that we can spend time together and enjoy each other.

I’m just feeling abundantly blessed right now. In spite of the financial concerns. It's just an is in my life. What really matters is that I know I will have what I need. And it’s a really good, good feeling.

Tagged Again

I got tagged again. This time by Waterfall. (Thanks for the nice description...I really do enjoy playing scrabble!) I enjoyed doing this a second time, because I was really torn when I made my choices the first time.

Here's the scoop on how to play: I pick 5 occupations out of the list below and post my answers. Then I tag 3 other people to post their answers on their blog. If I tag you, and you don't want to be a part of this, then that is okay. Just let me know and I'll tag someone else.The "questions": If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

1. Musician: I have always wished I could play piano. When I was little my grandmother bought us a piano. It was a beautiful upright. We had it for three months. In that time I learned the notes for the right hand and the notes for the left hand. Then we moved and the house we moved to wasn’t big enough to take the piano so it went back to my grandmother who promised it to me. Many years later, after I was married, after I had our first daughter I went to visit my grandmother. I was ready to reclaim my piano. It was gone. I took piano lessons one time after that, but wasn’t able to connect the hands. If I were a musician I would play the piano.

2. Chef: My hubband and I could open a catering business together and we would be well-known for our healthy but seemingly decadent scrumptuous food offerings. We’d be highly in demand and so well paid that we could work when we want and travel a lot!

3. Painter: I would paint rooms for people because so many people hate to paint but would love to improve the look of their homes. I would offer specialized stenciling to go with my painting business.

4. Psychologist: I would work with families to improve their communication, especially during the transitional times of life OR I’d work with hospice.

5. Architect: I would design, build, and run a complex that worked with families. There are a lot of kids in foster care when really it’s the parents who need to be in care. Adults have children who are barely able to care for themselves and need massive amounts of guidance. Even after spending years in foster care, many of these children return to these deplorable situations and begin the sad process of unlearning so that they can “fit in.” I think it would be better to work with the families in tact.

So who do I want to tag...let's see. Since I owe JettyBetty an interview I'll tag her instead. I also tag Reverend Mommy (aka Theresa)--hopefully she can take a break from her studies. And finally Kim of the Upward Call. This should be very interesting indeed!

Crazy

I needed today, no really, I wanted today to go smoothly. It was our second day running two lines. Today’s test was running two different parts. We were short on help and one of the workers who was there was sick with an absessed tooth and had to duck out to see the dentist for a few hours, but I figured we’d make it work. We were able to get 1800 parts done. That’s impressive. I wish I could feel good about the day.

I don’t like the way I’m feeling. I thought I was over this…beyond this. Hi, my name is Tina and I’m a perfectionist. I hate it. It can be a strength: it helps me be effective and get things done. But on day’s like today, it makes me crazy and sick to my stomach. (Insert big sigh.)
Let me try to explain what happened. I HAD to make the part boxes for the second line. It moves twice as fast as the other line and no one else can keep up like I can. I even work ahead. Since I had to do that I had to trust someone else to put the labels on the packing cartons. This is where things started to fall apart.

I think I’ve owned that one of my HUGE flaws is that I try to do everything. I learned that from my mother. She never delegated. I never learned to cook because I would make a mess in her kitchen. I never did laundry because it was easier for her to do it than to teach me and trust me. I never learned to sew. I never cleaned house. And on and on. One of her pithy little life sayings was: if you want something done right, do it yourself. I learned that lesson way too well.

So for me, learning to delagate and trust others has been a stretching experience. I have a couple guys at work I really trust. I’ve been trying to include others in that. Today that nearly proved a HUGERIFFIC mistake.
I have worked hard to create a system that is checked and balanced against itself so that if something isn’t right it will show up BEFORE we ship anything out. My system collapsed today.

It’s so not hard. I’ve explained the importance of keeping it straight. I’ve harped. I’ve snapped. I’ve tested. I’ve begged. Today I raised my voice and used a couple of explitives. One of the guys I trust and I had to go through all the completed and ready to ship pallets to try and find the mistake. I still have to lids with paperwork attached that don’t match anything.
The problem is that the problem isn’t fixed. I don’t handle that well. I would have stayed to fix it but two guys needed rides back to T-Net. I called the shipping clerk to make sure that the pallets weren’t being shipped out today or in the morning so that I could fix it when I get there in the morning tomorrow.

I want to fix it now. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I’m playing the stupid ‘if only’ game in my head. If only I would have kept a closer eye on the guy doing the labels. If only I would have staffed the work area differently someone else would have been doing the labels. If only I had planned better I could have made boxes and done labels….now wait! That’s ridiculous…but I’m still battling with those thoughts. (Insert even bigger sigh.)

Ed is a very wise man. He’s the production manager. He walked up to me while I was going through the finished pallets trying to find and fix the problem. He asked one question: doing an internal audit? He let me know that it was good that I caught the problem before it left the building. I want to feel good about that too, but I’m too busy feeling bad that it happened at all.

Isn’t that just crazy? Sure feels crazy to me. I don’t like feeling crazy. The situation is screwed up---I wish I could stop feeling like a screw-up. I know I’m not, but I am sure feeling that way. That’s pretty crazy, too.

Disappearing Butt

I should have no butt at all because I have been working it off like a crazy woman. Sadly, it continues to follow me around…sigh.

Today, we reconfigured the work area and added a second line. I had to smile. I went back and read some journal entries about when I first started working at R-company last fall. I was excited because we did 5 skids of parts then (approximately 400 parts). Today, with two lines we packaged 2020!!!!!!! We had 1200 done by noon and then lost 2 people. So it was a very productive day!

We did, however, have a casualty. I’m a bit sad about. One of the guys who I trained with there with T-Net left the packaging business to go to work at Dairy Mart. His departure was in part due to my being asked to be team leader: he’d been there longer and felt he should have been offered the position. He doesn’t have the leadership or organizational skills necessary for this position. He doesn’t have the people skills, either.

Well, he decided he didn’t like his job at Dairy Mart: the hours were horrible and were starting to take a toll on his health. So he asked to come back to the packaging business with T-Net. We needed workers and so we willingly welcomed him back. Today was his second day.

I kept telling everyone that there would be lots of bugs to work out with this new “two line” system. Things were really in a state of flux. He couldn’t handle it. I made one too many changes and he just blew his stack. Dan was working with us this morning and he saw the steam start to roll. He approached the guy to help him calm down. It wasn’t going to happen. The guy just started getting louder and more verbally inappropriate until finally he just stormed out.

Dan was pretty adamant that he wasn’t going to let the guy come back. He had blown up and caused problems last fall. He was pretty confrontive with Dan about feeling slighted regarding the team leader slighting. It’s a sort of “three strikes you’re out moment.” It makes me sad. I like the guy. He is a hard worker. He just can’t control his temper. It’s landed him in jail before. It probably will again.

I’m not going to let it take all the joy out of my hard work today! And my hopes about tomorrow! Tomorrow will have it’s own challenges. We’re not only going to run two lines, but we’re going to run two different parts with two completely different kinds of packaging. This is a big test. We should be able to better today’s production.

At the end of the day, there was a humorous interchange. With this increase in parts and packaging, there has also been an increase in ordering and delivering of packaging supplies. There have been some moments when I’m not the favorite person of the tow motor drivers and shipping clerk.

We finished an order today, so I went to her office to let her know she could ship the order. I walked in and the office looked like a hurricane had hit. File cabinets were pushed all over and B, the head of shipping, was prying chair rail off the walls. He said, “It’s all her fault (pointing to me)!” V agreed and gave me a pouty face.

The demolition in the office was to better accommodate a larger white dry erase board to track the receiving, packing, and shipping of parts. The new board is nearly twice the size of the original. That’s how good we’re doing.

I grinned and sheepishly asked if they’d rather I didn’t do my job so well? They laughed and told me no. It’s all good!

I stopped to see my PO on my way home. I almost forgot. She asked how things were going. I told her I was working my butt off. That’s what she typed in her report. I guess that makes it official!

News from the Corner

Friday night Nelson and I were guests of Dave and Linda at a Passover Seder at the Messianic Congregation they attend. This is also the congregation where Dave and Nelson built the platform for the church and are working on the kitchen. I had to get special permission to go, but my PO was ok with it. I’m glad.

The occasion was a “meal” but it was an amazing worship experience as well. There was such a spirit of joy and freedom. As soon as the music began, the dancers moved to the front area and began the dance. What a celebration! I learned a lot and was so moved in my spirit. Nelson was invited to participate in the service.

One of the blessings of the service was a real growing moment for me. I had been praying all week about my resentful attitude toward David regarding his treatment of Nelson at work. I knew I had to release this if I was going to receive anything from/in the service. At one point we were invited to participate in a footwashing. Linda had never done that before. I had. In those moments all my anger and resentment felt as if it dripped into the water, leaving me only feeling love for both Linda and Dave. I still don’t understand how they could treat Nelson like they do, but I don’t feel any anger or resentment towards them.

Yesterday I worked. As I was getting ready I got a call from one of the team to tell me that he wouldn’t be able to work. He’s one of our hardest workers. I count on him a lot. As soon as the phone rang, I knew it was him. He called off the last time we were offered overtime. My biggest concern was that he was going to run the tow motor—so now how were we going to move anything. Fortunately, the new guy also knew how to run it! We were able to finish one order and get a lion’s share of another one done. Not bad for the small group we had. Just another example of God providing and blessing.

Last night before bed Nelson asked me if I was planning on going to our small worship group? I felt completely apathetic about going. I don’t like feeling nothing. I used to have such a passion for worship. I only went this morning because I knew I should.

Our gathering time was good. There were only four of us. When Nelson and I arrived the leader was talking with the one other guy. The guy is the one with severe brain damage. He has a tendency to get stuck on things. The most recent stuckness is about creation creation and dinosaurs. He asks a lot of questions but he’s not really open to the answers. Sometimes his questions make no sense, or come at odd times in the discussion. This morning they were oddly appropriate.

As we talked, Jim (the leader) shared that Moses wrote the Genesis account to explain the relationship between God and us. It dawned on me then that to try and align or reconcile the Bible with science, history, or even geography is to try and do something with it that it was never intended for. Scripture’s primary purpose was to explain the relationship. Period. Nelson then commented on how to get “stuck” asking the questions for which there are no concrete answers is to fall into a trap of the Evil One. It’s like being stuck in neutral. You just get nowhere.

Then when we got home from gathering, I picked up “My Utmost for His Highest” and read a phrase that just stuck in my mind: [be] obedient in the work He has placed closest to you. Part of my heart longs to be preaching or teaching, but it isn’t my time for that. I need to be looking where God is working around me and join him there (thanks for the reminder Biscotti!).

It’s just a really rich time in my corner of the world. Hope it is where you are, too!

The Game of Tag

Ok, so Cindy Lou tagged me today in a blog game. Here's the deal: I have to pick 5 or more of the following occupations and post my answers here. Then, I tag 3 other people to post their answers on their blog. Got it? Sounds like fun, huh? Here goes....The "questions":If I could be a scientist...If I could be a farmer...If I could be a musician...If I could be a doctor...If I could be a painter...If I could be a gardener...If I could be a missionary...If I could be a chef...If I could be an architect...If I could be a linguist...If I could be a psychologist...If I could be a librarian...If I could be an athlete...If I could be a lawyer...If I could be an inn-keeper...If I could be a professor...If I could be a writer...If I could be a llama-rider...If I could be a bonnie pirate...If I could be an astronaut...If I could be a world famous blogger...If I could be a justice on any one court in the world...If I could be married to any current famous political figure...

1. If I could be a doctor—I would listen to people, but also be as tenatious at finding the problem as House.

2. If I could be a gardener—I would have a large garden and share my flowers freely. I would take lots of pictures of the flowers, too. I would also plant public gardens to beautify communities. I would have children’s gardens, too, so that the art and beauty of gardening wouldn’t be lost.

3. If I could be a professor—I would teach the Personal Philosophy and History of Christianity courses I didn’t get to teach in 2004. I would also like to teach speech, interpersonal communication, and oral interpretation.

4. If I could be a writer—I would write a devotional study of Philippians (that I’ve started). I would also like to write sermon resources for pastors, specifically sketches and monologues related to biblical passages.

5. If I could be an inn-keeper—I would have a Bed and Breakfast/Retreat Center that would accommodate individuals and groups. It would be in a beautiful rural setting with lots of trees, trails, and some water. There would be a main house with tastefully decorated rooms. There would be a lodge that would accommodate the groups or individuals on spiritual retreats. Nelson would do the cooking and I would be able to provide spiritual direction (of course I would need to get the training and certification to make that possible—but this is a place to dream!)

Thanks Cindy-Lou! Now I want to hear from Debra, Biscotti, and Hope. A few others would be fun too.

A Key

There’s a commercial that’s pretty current. It has Reba McIntire holding a key. She’s talking about how a key is just a key unless it’s a key to a house Habitat for Humanity is building for/with someone. Then that key becomes a life changing thing. Have you seen it? I’m such a sap—I tear up every time it comes on.

Yesterday (Friday—since I’m typing this at 5am Saturday morning) we got yet another order for packaging. Ed decided to offer us overtime. Now for the T-Net team this will put them just at 40 hours since they only work 35 during the week. I will get 5 hours of overtime. We’ll be working from 7-12.

Here’s the teary part…No members of management want to come in extra. So I was given a master key to the building and the green light to bring my team in to work! I walked around for about an hour at work grinning from ear to ear. All could think about was how much power there was in a little piece of metal.

I used to carry a massive set of keys. I had keys for the four buildings I worked in, plus my offices. I had keys for the church I was pasturing. I had house keys and car keys. I felt trusted and important with all my keys.

After life crashed, I had a house key and a car key. I couldn’t hardly believe that anyone would trust me with a key again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be trusted. So when Ed handed me that key—I can barely describe how incredible that felt! I don’t even care that I have to give it back on Monday. Today I am being trusted to open up that huge factory and take my team in to work.

Then, as if that wasn’t enough joy for one day, as I was walking towards the time clock to punch out, Mr. R flagged me down. He told me again how much he appreciated the job I’m doing, my hard work, and the way I’m leading my team. I started to tear up again. I could barely choke out my thought, to thank him for the opportunity to work again.

Mr. R is an amazing man. In a town where it’s hard to find work because so many factories are closing, relocating, and jobs are hard to come by, he has chosen to offer a major packaging contract to a ministry that works with people coming out of jail and prison. Unless you have to mark that “have you ever been convicted of a felony” box, you don’t know how hard getting a job is. When an employer holds two resumes/applications in his/her hands, one of a felon and one not, 99% of the time s/he picks the non-felon—no matter how trained, qualified, or absolutely amazing the felon is.

Now granted, some felons probably aren’t good workers. They’re unstable in their work ethic and experience. Others, however, just need that opportunity to turn things around, to be believed in again so that they can really change their lives. Mr. R offers that kind of an opportunity.

So today, I’m going to walk into that plant with three other felons and one repeat misdemeanor guy and we’re going to package our hearts—glad for the chance to work. Thankful to find someone who ignores the naysayers and takes the risk.

A key really can open a lot of doors. The key I was given opens yet another door marked restored and valuable. I hope some good doors open for you today, too!

It's Lilac Season

The first moments of my day could have shaped all moments to follow. The alarm went off and I rolled out of bed. I plodded off to the bathroom and there I found my monthly friend, for the SECOND time this month. Not fair. Not nice.

So I went through my morning stuff and my cramps and I headed off to work. I wasn’t sure how the day was going to go, but I wasn’t holding out hope for a positive day. I should have more faith.

We did 1642 parts today. That’s killer. It’s awesome. It’s THE absolute most we’ve ever done—ever dreamed of doing. We finished 2 orders and started on a third and have the boxing ready for the next order. We’re doing so well. The company is really pleased. At one point Mr. R (company owner) was giving a tour to some people from another factory. He was trying to explain what we do and how we’re going to increase our production (we’re getting parts from them) and process for stamping identification into the bearing. He started and then stopped and said, “Tina can explain it she keeps everything running around here.” And so I did.

Then on the way home I passed a gas station where the gas was still 2.07 a gallon. It’s not the easiest station to get in and out of, so I decided to try my usual station closer to home. I passed two other stations where the price had already jumped up to 2.23. My regular station was up 2.22. So I made a quick turn around and quickly headed back to where I saw the gas cheaper. I was able to fill up at the cheaper price. I’m so thankful!!!

Oh, and one more neat thing as I rounded the corner near home---Lilac buds!!!! Pretty soon full blown sweetness. My most favorite smell. My most favorite part of the season. I smiled so big at the very thought of it all. “It’s lilac season.” (sing along if you care to!)

So I’m thinking this day turned out tons better than it started. I’m so very thankful for that. And now I think I’ll put my happy though crampy body to bed. It’s lilac season!!!!!!

Dryer Sounds

I’m sitting in my chair in the living room. I’ve been home for two hours. I’ve started laundry, but I’m waiting to put it in the dryer. The laundry room is on the first floor, I like that. It’s too close to the living room so the aging dryer’s squeak and rocking noises invade the living space—I don’t like that.

I put an old fashioned window screen in one of the living room windows. I have the front door open too. I’m being serenaded by the birds and the wind blowing through the chime. I’d rather listen to that than the dryer!

When I got home I was confused. Nelson’s job is to wash the dishes. The dishes were washed, but the silverware was still in the sink. That’s generally a sign that Beth is trying to be helpful. I’m not sure what allergy she has to washing silverware, but it’s a serious one. I’m just thankful that the dishes are washed because now I can do my job and put them away! After the birds stop singing and I turn the dryer on.

I called Nelson to find out if he had made it home. This was of course before I started the laundry. I would have known immediately by the overflowing basket in the laundry room. I started the load while we talked. Fortunately the washer isn’t as loud as the dryer.

He nursed the truck home. It is leaking transmission fluid quite badly. David is adamant that he will not put any more money into the truck. Odd. Having access to the truck was a part of the original “work package.” Of course, so was being paid. Today Nelson was busting up the concrete sidewalk behind David’s house; using an inadequate tool and not getting paid. Nelson hangs in there because he is so blasted loyal that he won’t broach the topic of being paid. I am now at the place where I don’t understand how this ‘friend’ of ours could take such horrible advantage of Nelson. We’re supposed to spend Friday evening with this couple…I’d rather listen to the horrible squeak and hammering of the dryer!

The reason the dryer squeaks and wobbles is that I am no mechanic. I am also no mathematician. I have made two $1000.00 errors in purchase orders in the last week. We needed the stuff, so the company was willing to pay. It’s just that company that we purchased supplies from would rather get paid sooner. I felt like such a ninny. I’m going to have to be my own secretary and check my figures. Just shove me in the dryer.

Some good things are happening: the new girl is working out fabulously! She’s such a hard worker and has caught on very quickly. Dan hired another guy to start this week. We talked about it and we’re going to only use the one guy who has some serious deficits due to brain damage only twice a week at the factory and Dan will keep him busy the other 3 working at T-Net. I’m sleeping better. My hands haven’t been numb since Saturday morning! And I’ve lost a few pounds! (I’m speed walking all over the plant, sweating up blue blazes, working hard, and drinking mostly water…it’s all good!)

Well, I think I’m going to settle in with some pizza and get ready for American Idol. I wish I had a remote for the dryer so I could turn it on during the painfully, pitchy songs! Have a wonderfully dryer-free night!

Surgery, Truck, and Sweet Dreams

Nelson’s dad came through the surgery well. They removed diverticula, put a stint in his kidney, and then worked on his bladder and urethra. The doctor felt that at first look there was no cancer, but everything is being checked.

Nelson stayed with his mom until she returned home after his dad was in his room and appearing to be doing well. While at his parents he picked up a day bed that they were giving to Annie for Penelope. He drove from Toledo to Annie’s.
After delivering the bed he took off from Annie’s and headed home. He stopped in the next town to grab some dinner. While at Taco Bell the guy behind him in the drive-thru line came up and told Nelson that the truck was leaking fluid in massive quantities. Nelson got out and looked and found the engine leaking oil. He decided to drive back to Annie’s and spend the night.

Last week the truck needed work and David told Nelson that if there were any more problems he was through. He felt that he had put too much money into the truck. The availability of the truck was one of the “perks” that was presented to Nelson last year when he was considering taking this job. Just one more thing that hasn’t worked out.

Unlike Nelson, the day for me went really well. Dan (director of T-Net) was able to get the county jail to agree to work with one inmate for work-release. When I saw her I was a little nervous, she’s barely 5’ tall and thin. But let me tell you, you can put R and the 21yr old on the opposite ends of the spectrum. R caught on, worked hard, and anticipated what was needed or next. All the guys were impressed and let her know that they appreciated her work. So did I! We’re also going to get one of the guys back that was working there when I first started. He’ll be an asset too.

Ed, plant manager, informed me that we will be receiving a new order later this week and that another order that was scheduled for 4000 has been increased to 11,000! That’s good news. With the new help, we began discussing the logistics of creating a second line. I had done some consulting with the team and had drawn a possible schematic. No sooner had I finished that discussion when Ed returned and began a discussion about a second line to handle the increase. I showed him my idea. He looked at me and smiled. “You’re one step ahead of me again. I like that. Keep it up.” I liked that. It felt good.

Well, I’m avoiding going to bed. I’m tired, but I don’t like sleeping in this house alone. I started out sleeping with the light on last night. I finally was able to turn it off. Without Nelson’s C-pap machine “shooshing” in my face I hear every noise. I admit it: I’m a coward. But a tired one, so I’m going to go and try to fall asleep. Maybe I’ll dream positively productive dreams…or not…maybe I’ll try to imagine the wonderful vacation I’ll get next year.

Gayla's Interview Questions

Here are Gayla’s Interview questions.

1. If you could back in time, what year would you visit and why?
I’m assuming by a visit, it’s not a situation where I can change something, but the opportunity to experience something and return.

So…..(I have sat here staring at this screen for twenty minutes thinking about this…hmmmmm) I think I would like to go back to (I had to finally go answer all the other questions and come back to this one.)…I would like to go back to the Upper Room where the believers had gathered and met everyday for prayer waiting for Pentacost. I would like to hear their stories, hear their prayers, and then feel that power and really see the church grow!

2. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
I would want to live down the street from my grandkids and my mom…The difficulty with that is that Mom lives in Arizona and grandkids are in Ohio. I would love to live in Arizona so I’m going to have to convince the Son-in-law that year round golf is really wonderful so he’ll be willing to move to AZ.

3. How far in advance do you prefer to plan?
I love spur of the moment activities. I love to do things “last minute.” I totally enjoy serendipity! But I also know that some things need planning. At least a couple days worth. I loved the way my daughter only took about 4 months to get ready for her wedding. I don’t like to overplan or wait for things to happen.

4. If you could wave a magic wand and stop any one thing, what would it be and why?
Fear of differences that leads to hatred and bigotry. I have never been able to understand why people hate and distrust others because they’re different color or religion or from a different country, or wear their hair different or their clothes different, or have tattoos and piercings or don’t. It makes my heart break when that fear and hatred leads to destruction and loss of life.

5. What do you think are the most common misconceptions people have about God?
That because of His incredible love, He winks at sin.
That God and Santa Claus are pretty much the same.
That God helps those who help themselves.
That God can be bargained with (if You’ll…then I’ll…)
That if I don’t say what I’m thinking or feeling out loud then I can hide it from God.
That God is too busy too care about things in my life.
That an individual can be too bad or too far gone and be beyond grace.

Those are just a few.

Thanks Gayla, this was fun to think through…and fun to read the answers of others as well!